Hello, ladies. I haven't been active on this account in quite some time but thought I would drop by in the hopes of getting a few words of wisdom. I'm on mobile and can't tag this as an advice post from my app.
Age/familiarity with RPW: I'm 26 and was an endorsed contributor at Red Pill Women. I started following that sub several years ago.
Relationship status: married
Problem: My husband has been having issues with depression and doesn't seem to have interest in seeking help. We both have histories of depression and he seems to have gotten into a pattern of trying to "fix" me so that he can avoid thinking about his own struggles with mental health. He has never been the sort of person to want to talk a lot about feelings, and I have no desire to change who he is or try to feminize his communication style. I know that I'm not a doctor and can't fix his emotional issues for him, so I have no intentions of playing therapist. I would just like to maintain a harmonious marriage while getting through this difficult time. I feel that our closeness is seriously lacking and I'm constantly worried about asking him for absolutely anything, even if it's something tiny and simple, because he always seems so stressed out. We are having a harder time acting as a team than we have in the past. His depression seems to sapped him of his desire to steer the ship, so to speak. All I want is to be helpful to him and just have no idea how.
How I have contributed to the problem: This is a complex issue, the pattern of which started quite some time ago and has only recently become a more acute problem. Over the last year and a half or so I have gone through a very tumultuous medical journey filled with tests and meds and side effects that contributed to me not being a good partner. One of my medications ended up putting me into almost complete psychosis and I know that it was incredibly hard for Husband to deal with such a challenge and not be able to count on me to be in my right mind. Only in the last few months have things finally become stable with my treatment plan, but I recognize that there are months and months of hurt that need to be worked through.
I sort of answered how long this has been a problem above.
What I have done to resolve the problem: I've been focusing on catching up and consistently keeping up with my basic housewife duties (making sure he always has clean clothes for work, staying on top of the finances, preparing his work lunches and dinner, and keeping the house reasonably orderly), as well as putting forth more effort into caring for myself. I thought at the very least if I took the responsibility of caring for my health and asked him for absolute minimum help it could leave him the mental energy to focus on himself and what makes him happiest. I've tried asking what I can do to help him feel more supported, but I never got consistent answers and know that it just makes him even more stressed out to be badgered into talking about his bad day and questioned about what I should be doing.
We have been together for 5 years.
There aren't really issues in our bedroom life. We both initiate about fifty percent of the time, and have had sex three to five times per week as an average throughout our entire relationship. We are both open to each other's fantasies and so far I've never denied any request to try something new. I will note, however, that my Husband is not one of those men who can have all his problems and cares taken away with a blowjob. He finds it disrespectful and like I don't take him seriously if I offer sex when he's in a bad mood.
I should probably also mention that I'm disabled (narcolepsy and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), so that has an effect on my options for physical things I can do for him.
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