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Hello everyone! This is my first time posting here. My husband and I (27 and 26) have been married for 1.5 years. We have always agreed on having a traditional marriage long before I heard about the Red Pill term. And I am delighted to have found this subreddit, as it helps me reflect and improve.

Today I wanted to share with you a little personal victory. Nothing huge, really, but I have not been married for long and am still learning a lot. Please excuse any mistake I make, English is not my first language.

My husband was making us breakfast this morning. He is an excellent cook and is always trying new recipes for us to enjoy. Plus I love watching him in the kitchen.

After we were done eating together and he left for work, I went ahead to do some chores around the house. It took me three hours to realize that he forgot to turn the stove off.

Now, the old me would have been pretty upset about this. I can easily picture myself texting him something like, "Love, you forgot about the stove...again". I can see myself reminding him of his mistake as soon as he comes home from work tonight, and even talking about it again in the future. Because the old me would have been fine reminding her husband of his failures. But what good would that do?

I have a bad temperament that I am actively working on. In the early days of our marriage, my husband taught me to always ask myself, "What is really worth fighting for?" and to pick my battles carefully.

So this morning, instead of being the ugly old me, I just decided to turn the stove off myself and to go on with my day. And he doesn't need to hear about it at all because it is not worth it. It is just not worth going my old ways. The time I would spend nagging and complaining is much better spent doing something productive!


[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ooo I like this. It's like tiny little pin pricks. Just one doesn't harm but a million can kill.

[–]littleteafox2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Death by a thousand cuts!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly!

[–]souponastick4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What I've also noticed when doing this is that when you do finally force a "battle" it'll be taken more seriously. Complaining too much makes all your complaints hold less weight and makes them easy to disregard.

[–]VintageVee29f, engaged, together 2yrs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've really found this to be true. I've never nitpicked at my partner because I found rpw years before we met. So when we have a disagreement he really truly listens and sorts it.

[–]Kittenkajira2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So glad you decided to let it go, and just turn off the stove. Nagging pretty much makes you a hypocrite, as I'm sure there was a time in your life when you accidentally left the stove on. If I happen to catch something like this while he's home, I just say "oops" and right whatever it is. It's not a battle - just looking out for each other.

[–]littleteafox1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've always been a big fan of picking your battles. Some things just aren't worth it. A lot of things just aren't worth it. Yay for your victory this morning :) And how lovely that he made you breakfast!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I struggled/still do occasionally with this and I'll tell you it gets easier. I've gotten into the habit of asking myself "is this the hill I want to die on?" And the answer is usually always no.

[–]plein_oldearly 40s male♂1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well, in the interest of safety you could mention it once. So he has a chance to recalibrate his kitchen routine. Men like information, sometimes, if it helps them do their job better.

The key for me is not shaming the person or using it as leverage or mentioning it multiple times.

Sorry, I have some friends whose homes burned down last year, so that's partly what comes to mind here for me.

[–]rpwthrowaway201624F, LD LTR, 3 years2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, this is one case that OP shouldn't let go IMO. What if she's away for a few weeks?

[–]plein_oldearly 40s male♂1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't even take weeks - just a couple hours.

I remember once I had a gas burner turned on super low, maybe to cook soup or something, I can't recall exactly. My girfriend and I left the house, and when we came back, I was so horrified to see that a gas flame had been burning the whole time, that I made sure never to do that again!

I was so grateful to have a home to come back to.

I'm relatively new to reddit but I think we have to do something like this /u/OhhTheMemories for the OP to see our comments. Not sure though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for your comments and you're right, I didn't think of it this way. What would be a nice way to let him know when he forgets about the stove without being a nag?

[–]plein_oldearly 40s male♂2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, I would say mention it once, and think of it as doing him a favor. You're giving him information he needs. You're being a good first-mate. If it were me, I would honestly want to know.

Then don't mention it again.

Nagging and being afraid to mention it all - they both seem like ways of not trusting, possibly.

Edited to add: not a big deal either way. :) Thanks for sharing and best wishes.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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