In my previous post I outlined four aspects of a home environment that contribute to it being a “soft place to land” for your SO. These were:

• 1. Clean
• 2. Comfortable
• 3. Organized
• 4. Undemanding

In this post I’d like to compile a list of tips and tricks that I, and other women I know, use to help them provide this environment amidst the hustle of work/study/childcare/external commitments. These aren’t specific to any particular type of relationship/living arrangement. They are aimed at women who, for whatever reason, don’t have a lot of free time, but wish to provide these elements of home-making to their SO . This isn’t a commentary on how couples should necessarily divide chores and duties, but simply a list of suggestions on how to make your home environment enjoyable for your husband.

Clean

• You are a busy woman, so pick 5 things that most quickly make your house look more tidy. In my house my top 5 priorities are:

  1. Laundry (Washed, folded and put away)
  2. Dishes (Washed up and left to dry)
  3. General tidy of surfaces (Put any clothes and books etc. lying around away)
  4. Make the bed
  5. Wipe down the kitchen counters and inside the kitchen and bathroom sinks

  I have these five items down to a fine art. Other than putting the laundry on and hanging it out, I can get these jobs done in around half an hour. Make a list of your top 5 housework jobs and see how much time they take up each day. Plan it in.

• Be efficient. Use a weekly planner if you have some time each day to clean. If you work full time and can only do significant housework on the weekends, keep a running list of the jobs to do. When it gets around to the weekend, prioritise, prioritise, prioritise. If there’s any type of mess that particularly irks your SO, make that the first thing you get to. Because, why not?

• If you have kids, a messy SO or a bunch of meals to cook, you probably need to accept that your house isn’t going to be clean and tidy 24/7. Choose the time of day when your SO most needs a tidy house, and aim for the house to be its cleanest then. If you work, and your SO stays at home, try to clean before work, so that you are leaving a tidy house for him to begin his day in. If he works, and you stay at home, try to make sure he is getting home each evening to a tidy house. If you both work, aim to clean in the morning, so that you both get home to a tidy house.

Comfortable

• This is probably the easiest item on the list. Be chill.

• If your man walks through the kitchen with muddy boot prints after you’ve just mopped the floor, take a deep breath. Did he purposefully undo your hard work? Does it matter in the grand scheme of your life together? If the answer to both of these is no, suck it up and ask him if he would mind taking his boots off. Nicely.

• No matter how much work you put into keeping a lovely home, he should feel welcome in it. Treat him the way you would treat a guest.

• This extends to all aspects of the home- food in the fridge, toilet seat position…etc!

Organized

To be personally organised:

• Think about creating a household binder.

• Have a cleaning schedule of some sort.

• Use a daily, weekly or monthly planner.

• Choose one cupboard a week to sort through, declutter and tidy.

• Make the bed every morning when you get out of it! It should only take a few minutes.

To help your household be organised:

• Think about creating a household binder!

• Have a system in place for receiving, storing and paying bills, car registration etc.

• Try sharing a calendar (virtual or on paper) with your SO, so that you are aware of each other’s commitments and free time.

• Schedule in free time together!

• Depending on who does the shopping/cooking, talk to your SO about meals, write shopping lists and plan your week’s food in advance in order to minimise going to the grocery store!

• Think about what routines your household has. Are their any routines that might be useful to add? Think meals, cleaning, how you spend free time…

Undemanding

• If you have children, remind them (regularly!) that their father has spent the day working hard. He is not their entertainment committee, and both the children and yourself should be aware of this. Of course, your SO will want to spend time with his kids! But he should not feel obliged to entertain, “babysit,” or “take them off your hands,” the second he gets home from work, or the children get home from school.

• As I mentioned in an earlier post, jobs that are his responsibility should be put aside. He will get to them in his own time. /u/VintageVee suggests that you can wait for him to ask what jobs need doing around the house, rather than asking/nagging. In our house, we have a large whiteboard where jobs are written after we have discussed them, and crossed off once they are complete. Whatever you decide works for your family, getting into a routine where you do discuss work that needs doing around the house is essential.

• Listen carefully to what aspects of home life your SO feels are making demands on his time, and minimise them. Perhaps it’s masses of dirty dishes on the sink (stack them neatly) or paperwork that needs doing (sort bills neatly into paid and unpaid trays).

• Again, remember- you don’t have to do everything that needs doing around the home. You just need to remove the pressure from him to do work immediately, and change your own mindset to accept his timeframe. If it’s not life or death, it’s probably not worth the relationship cost involved in nagging him into your timeframe.

A Note On Making Time

So you’re busy. Maybe you have a few children, maybe you work full time. Maybe your husband works from home, maybe he’s a SAHD, maybe he also works fulltime. If you can get up half an hour earlier, go to bed half an hour later, or spend half an hour less on the internet each day, you will have time to make the bed, do a load of washing, and smash out the previous night’s dishes. The little things count. Also, remember that not everything requires a time commitment; making your SO feel comfortable in the home is more of an attitude/mindset change than anything else.

Please add your own tips and tricks in the comments. I’m looking forward to hearing what you ladies do to make a welcoming home environment for your SO.