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My nickname for this group from now on is going to be The Happy Wives Club.

If anyone ever asks me what's your secret, how come you and hubbs are so happy and in love, I will say I found this group that explained to me exactly what I needed to do to have a happy marriage and a great relationship. It's called the Happy Wives Club.

It doesn't have to have anything to do with the redpill. That is the theory that supports it, but all we are doing is being supportive and working as a team with our SOs rather than being combative and cantankerous.

The next time some jounalist comes snooping round and says all you women are regressive believing that women must stay at home and must defer to their husbands, they will be caught off-step with "we have free choice and we find we are happier this way". Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

And all the haters coming to say how can you do that to yourselves, what on earth possessed you to be nice to your husbands, what's wrong with you? Yeah......


Personal reflection bit...

I took a great leap forward the other day, I believe thanks in great part to the kind support I got in the IRC room.

Right now I am thinking that this is not about him or us, this is about me. This is about making a commitment to myself. Instead of worrying about what everyone else says I should be doing, I need to commit to focus on those things that are relevant to me (obvious I know but I am an inveterate people pleaser and just need to keep realising that it's okay to give myself permission to value myself).

I unsubscribed from about three quarters of the subs I had, (including 'relationships' because I spend too much time there getting involved in other people's problems lol). I took facebook off my phone (for the third time!) but I suddenly had zero interest in looking at it, whereas recently it has been the first thing I look at in the morning and in every spare second of the day.

This is maybe going to sound dumb but also to keep on top of the housework and make myself look pretty for me, not for him per se, because I could never do it much because years of that kind of “check your priviledge” indoctrination left me with an immobilising guilt in my heart.


Rambly bit!

There is a place to get to where you love yourself. Not in the narcissistic way promoted by popular culture, but authentically loving yourself in your heart and being at peace with your place in the world.

I actually believe that that is what we have all come here to do, from a spiritual perspective, but it takes a step by step journey (for most of us) to realise this in our own lives.

I stepped away from the environmental movement some time ago because I don't believe you can create a peaceful world through rage and revolution. I read a lot of 'new age' stuff during a reclusive phase which gave me a spiritual philosophy to increase genuine compassion and peace in my heart.

One of the key tenets that the authentic writers emphasise^(1) is to take what feels right to you and discard the rest. Use your discernment to find your truth.

That has been very helpful for me, being someone who was for the most part overly idealistic and lacking in discernment i.e. everyone is wonderful and kind and I wouldn't want to be mean by saying that that person is a bad person etc.

The point being that if it hadn't been for that approach I had been practicing I would not have been able to bear witness to and accept the reality of the redpill. Because the approach means taking everything to your heart and seeing if it feels right, irrespective of what your prejudices might say.

I always felt there was something 'off' with feminism because they have never admitted the eroticism of being objectified. The male gaze is what we crave, it's just that we want to feel the right combination of safe and sexy as we experience it. Well that's my truth anyway, and I have never come across anyone acknowledging that in public.

If you read any of the new age stuff that's around now, they talk a lot about 'raising your vibration' and 'ascension' which sounds like claptrap but I had a lot of time on my hands to get to the bottom of what they were talking about …... from my perspective the practice of ascension and the redpill philosophy have a great deal in common; at the bottom line, they are both about freeing yourself from co-dependency.

It is so interesting to me to be part of this journey and experience the positive impact on my life. The more I work on myself it benefits me and it also benefits everyone around me. It increases the amount of peace and happiness on earth. And that's what I'm all about!


1 (i.e. those that aren't trying to sell you something)


[–]tintedlipbalm5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

FYI there's an actual Happy Wives Club, by Fawn Weaver. It's compatible with RPW (from what I've seen about the online community, haven't read her book) but not associated with RP so I guess it's easier to refer to offline without controversy.

[–]lazysnakes40 | married 3 yrs | tog 11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

oh I didn't know that, how funny, I'll have to check it out ;p

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing. I like the idea of calling it the happy wives club. I'm not a wife yet but I learn so much from all of you who are. :D

[–]lazysnakes40 | married 3 yrs | tog 11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks! <3 <3

I only found this place a while after I'd gotten married, so it's a bit argh to look back and see all the mistakes I made and things I could have done better, but it's also really interesting and satisfying to reflect on how, through a mixture of luck and pure instinct, I have found myself in a pretty good place, all in all.

And now I know how to show this gorgeous guy I really care about him :-)

[–]blondie_brownie 5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Happy Wives Club is a great nickname!

I think an important note about taking what feels right to you is that you really have to strip yorself down to figure that out. You can't go ask your friends or family. You can't ask the internet to tell you. You really have to look internally and deeply, past preconceived ideas or society's norms, to find out what is actually right for you. I think that once you do that, it's also a lot easier to be strong in your choices. I don't even feel the need to defend my and my husband's lifestyle or choices, because other people's opinions don't matter since I know and feel that it's right for us. People are going to try to change your mind, and if the choice didn't come from yourself, they will change your mind.

[–]lazysnakes40 | married 3 yrs | tog 11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, that's exactly it!

I am so easily led to seeking the answers outside rather than really facing up to what's inside (which is kind of odd as I am also really contemplative and spend so much time day-dreaming in my head....)

you really have to strip yourself down

This is exactly the process I'm going through. I am definitely getting there!

Funnily enough, I also started a 'decluttering' group with a friend, which is essentially the same process - but acting on the external environment. (Cluttered house = Cluttered mind!). We're making good progress there too!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many of the things discussed here will be accepted by women in conversation depending on how they are phrased. Absolutely avoid words like "submission" and find ways to make the truth more palatable. A lot of other women will pour their hearts out.

[–]gabilromariz3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

People are usually defensive about their ways but if you can calmly show them the benefits they'll end up agreeing. For example, I've had people make fun of me for making my boyfriend little snack-packs for his business trips.

We both know it's silly but I started doing it after he complained about an upset stomach after having had a dubious burrito. I take pride in making these tiny cups with the cutest muffin liners I can find and pack snacks. It's usually one square of chocolate and the rest is mixed nuts.

Some people have commented that I shouldn't do it. He's a grown man and can pack his own snacks. I'm not his maid or mom, yadda yadda yadda.

They are missing the point. We finally found ways to make ourselves happy, instead of just doing what we're told

FYI: If I did what I was told I wouldn't make him any snacks, would party and go clubbing when he's not home and, get this, cheated. Then these people come to me asking for advice and almost complaining "how come your relationship is so nice?"

[–]lazysnakes40 | married 3 yrs | tog 11[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

ha ha, funny isn't it, they seem jealous, trying to get you to fall back in line....

[–]gabilromariz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Crabs in a bucket. But this goes for men as well. There are very few people out there who are good friends, encouraging you to be your best possible self. Others want to see you succeed, sure, as long as it's less than they do

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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