TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

25

Something amazing happened last night. This is going to sound crazy but it is small moments like this that make me appreciate this /r/ more and more.

Last night my SO broke my He-Man cup. He was doing dishes after having made dinner and as he put a plate on the drying rack, he knocked over my He-Man cup. It shattered into hundreds of tiny little shards of glass. Poor He-Man won't be fighting my Skeletor cup anymore. :(

He instinctively said "I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!!"

The guy looked like a deer in the headlights. Now I could have freaked out. That was my favorite cup after all. But it was just a cup. I told him it was ok but he said something really weird to me.

"Aren't you going to yell at me?"

Wuuuuut? It is just a cup. Why would I yell? I asked him if I ever gave him the impression that I would yell about something as stupid as a cup. He said no but that until that moment, he hadn't realized how poorly he was actually being treated in the past.

It was my turn to have the deer in headlights look. I'm having a hard time trying to articulate exactly what went through my head but it was something along the lines of "holy shit I didn't freak out over something stupid reflexively". I was able to appreciate the situation for what it was. A good man spoiling the crap outta me and me remaining positive and patient about a tiny situation. I am more committed to being those things now more than ever. I felt like I won last night. I don't know why but it was such a great feeling. All thank to you ladies. So from the bottom of my heart.

THANK YOU

edit: OMG I love you guys. All these little mini stories about overcoming that little bit of eeeeek that sneaks up on us cause.... life. Keep em comin!!


[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

My husband once surprised me when we first started living together by going to the laundromat and..washing...all..of..my...sweaters

as horrified as i was, i knew it was an honest mistake and what purpose would have been served by getting mad and lashing out. ive found that when you DONT say anything to someone whos wronged you, it gives them room to be contrite rather than defensive, if they care about you.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh no... not the sweaters!!! That is one thing I am adamant about not doing my laundry. Plus I love doing laundry. Don't take away my joy. Haha

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm the same way!! I insist on doing the laundry and I do love doing it. I do my in-laws too, there's six of them, so there's plenty to do.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same, I have so many things that have to be washed and dried in different ways that it's easier to just say "the laundry is my territory!"

[–]stevierose345 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

My husband once surprised me when we first started living together by going to the laundromat and..washing...all..of..my...sweaters<

I once surprised my husband by washing his rifles ( by hand keep in mind)

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

One day at the grocery store our debit card got declined becausr not only did my husband (he does our banking) forget to transfer funds, he forgot that he forgot to. So inside I'm panicking, where is our money? Why isn't there money? WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH OUR MONEY???!!! But I just Stfu and let him check the online banking and quickly figured out what happened. And I was so proud of myself!!!! Plus he noticed, on the ride home, that I hadn't flipped out and he was impressed. (Shutting up has been the hardest part of this process for me). It was a great moment for me personally.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's horrifying. I admire your grace.

If we're being honest, the embarrassment he felt in that moment far surpasses any you might have felt, no need to rub it in--that would caused a lot of that negative energy turned inwardly to be directed at you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very true! Unfortunately I have failed a few times since this incident but I know I can do it now so it was a big step.

[–]TempestTcup 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Shutting up has been the hardest part of this process for me

I think it is the hardest part for all of us :)

The problem is that talk is women's frame, and action is men's frame, so we talk talk talk to get him into our frame, until he finally does what we want/need.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Lol WHY do we talk so much?! Does anyone else get annoyed at themselves sometimes??

[–]Risen_valkyrie2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I do, not sure if it's a woman thing or an extension of how I think. I have noticed that my internal monologue never shuts up, likes to tangent, and just about demands to be shared and I didn't realize for years that maybe not everyone thinks, and by extension talks, like that. My husband says his mind is typically silent unless he's actively pondering something.

[–]StingrayVC3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband says his mind is typically silent

I don't understand . . . . . . .

[–]Risen_valkyrie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Neither do I really, and I'm not even sure if that's typical for men (or people in general). I do have GAD so I figure my thoughts must be a bit more intrusive than is typical but I have a hard time conceiving of long periods of involuntary internal silence.

I've never really looked to see if there's been studies done on how many people have or don't have a "head voice" type internal monologue, along with frequency and contrasted with maybe a more abstract thought process.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It could be a woman thing. I do the same thing. Men never stop thinking about sex, women never stop talking. Lol! 😂

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The problem is that talk is women's frame, and action is men's frame, so we talk talk talk to get him into our frame, until he finally does what we want/need.

I never thought of it like that. Thank you for this. I'm going to keep this in mind.

[–]StingrayVC9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are Cooch, Princess of Quarantine and defender of the secrets of RPWives.

YOU HAVE THE POWER!!!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gahhhh I love it!!!!!!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is going to sound freaky, but my SO also broke my favourite cup a few months into the relationship. It shattered into a thousand pieces on the street and pieces of cut up fruit were all over the place. I cringed inside, but I didn't get angry.

Same situation!!!

A few days later, I bought the exact same cup. No harm done.

[–]-Junie-Late 20s, LTR, 2 Years6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This happened to me last month, he broke my flower cup. I kind of dramatically shouted "nooooo! You monster, you brute!" and acted overly (comically) distraught. He laughed in an "aww, poor thing" kind of way, and we "buried" the broken item together by ceremoniously picking up the broken pieces and throwing them out. It wasn't serious at all, and I never really thought of it until this thread.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is too funny!! It really is just a cup. I'm trying to see if I can find replacements but I'm not having any luck :(

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I HAD ONE OF THESE MOMENTS!!!

Oh my gosh! My husband broke my watch a few weeks ago :( I was really sad, but I wasn't MAD. I was sad... and those are very different emotions. I told him no big, I even tried to laugh it off, then I went back to what I was doing and he quietly retreated to his office.

I was like -- he thinks I'm mad -- I don't want him to think I'm mad. I'm NOT MAD at him...... so I went into his office and crawled under his desk so he would know I wasn't mad haha. It was really effective!!

He also bought me a new watch so that was nice :)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great FR, thanks for writing this up! :0)

[–]jade_cat6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That was heartwarming to read, thank you for sharing ! :)

[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 126 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Those little snaps of anger is something I have been working on as well! Except I am not quiet there for it to be something in the past. Monday we were going to a friends house to pick up a mattock. I had asked if we could go there first then make the other stop he wanted after and he said sure. Then when we left he headed toward the second stop, and I kept my mouth shut. really it wasn't a big deal. Then we passed the second stop and I blurted out "Where are you going!?" and he freaked and immediately shot down a side street to turn around because he thought I was about to go off on him.

It sent me in to a funk for the morning, but I sat down and wrote him up an apology, and we are back to good. It was a reminder of the me that I didn't like.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww that is adorable! RIP He-Man cup, but I love how well it went for you. There's that shutting up saving the day again! :)

[–]HieronymusBoschClone 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Wait, he was doing dishes after he made dinner?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

<3 <3 <3

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The STFU and relax method really help a lot when dealing with things that might've previously pissed you off. You start to realize how completely crazy you were being in the past when you'd get upset about those things, and it's even better when you show your SO that you aren't crazy, too!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter