Insidious Lies Refuted: Sex With Your Husband is NOT Rape.

[deleted] · 2016-04-03T13:59:00+00:00

I'm not sure what kind of experiences the author and people like her have had to make them think that consensual sex between a husband and wife is rape. It actually got my blood pressure up that she would insinuate that my husband rapes me. I am a Christian and while I've never heard the term "complementarian marriage" before, having sex regularly with my husband is something that I do believe is part of my job as a wife. But the author states that this is hanging over my head every day and always present every time we have sex and that is a lie. I love my husband and I think he's hot and I want to have sex with him. Those are the thoughts going through my head.

UD_Lover · 2016-04-03T15:05:27+00:00

Girlfriend needs to get a grip. I love nothing more than when my husband is borderline forceful with initiating. Also, in the example, I highly doubt that if the wife was adamant about waiting the husband would have held her down and had his way with her. They were just playing a little cat-and-mouse game.

Camille11325 · 2016-04-04T09:41:04+00:00

This post was both angering and completely hilarious (although I did laugh for real at the Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf Reference!). Excellent write up and refutation of her argument. It is ridiculous that two people fully consenting and enjoying themselves isn't even enough for feminists.

We went from "No means No" to "Yes means Yes" to "Enthusiastic Consent" to "Women can only consent under super specific conditions and can revoke consent even years later" and now we have "Our culture itself is causing every woman to be raped literally all the time". It's madness!

I know that many prominent feminists from the second wave were big on the idea that all PIV was rape, but this concept is so at odds with the sex "positive" element we see in this current iteration of the movement. Hopefully for most young women this sort of thinking is just a phase, I know that most would change their minds if they met a man dominant enough who didn't tolerate those types of nonsensical ideas.

LifterofThings · 2016-04-03T09:18:29+00:00

I relish all the attention Occam gives me, and the way we flirt with each other.

It makes me wonder what the author's 'ideal'-non-rape example of escalation looks like... I'm picturing something very dull and boring, but perhaps I'm being uncharitable in my conclusions.

TheTerrorSquad · 2016-04-03T08:21:03+00:00

Samantha Field needs to get some lol

frozen_strawberry · 2016-04-20T15:31:59+00:00

How can someone claim to be an advocate for women and then trivialize rape like that? It's one of the most horrible things that could happen to a person and she acts as if flirting and healthy expression of sexuality can somehow be equated to being dragged into a dark alley and forced to have sex.

DemonConsulting · 2016-04-03T20:02:58+00:00

I personally feel that the amount intimacy and trust in a marriage that enables both parties to act like this - playful, flirty, openly sexually attracted to each other and not awkward - is part of what makes marriage great. Being able to be flirty and confident, knowing that you are both attracted to each other is awesome and the great advantage over casual sex where everyone has to be careful and guarded to a certain extent and has no certain way of knowing the other person's intents, preferences and boundaries since they are strangers.

The author sounds like she is either in the "all men are pigs"-phase of feminism or hasn't had a relationship with a man for way too long.

Samantha_Cruz · 2016-04-03T21:40:43+00:00

so according to her "definition" pretty much ALL sex is rape... using her definition i guess we DO live in a rape culture because rape is apparently totally f'n awesome! i can't wait to get raped tonight!!!! Feminists make so much more sense when you realize that the words they use have absolutely no meaning at all.

[deleted] · 2016-04-04T00:25:22+00:00

I dislike this trend of calling anything 'rape' when in reality, it's just 'going along with something to be kind'. Sometimes you don't want to have sex, but you do because your partner does! It doesn't mean you're being forced into it, it means you're putting effort into your relationship, perhaps sacrificing a little (not being able to finish your book) for the greater good (a strong marriage where both partners feel wanted).

wombatinaburrow · 2016-04-05T03:07:28+00:00

So; did he get duty sex so that she could get back to her book, or was she genuinely turned on by him?

[deleted] · 2016-04-29T04:23:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Rowboat14 · 2016-04-03T16:25:38+00:00

"It is her wifely obligation, her duty to make sure that his sexual needs are fulfilled"

Said with such distain.

Of course it's your wifely duty to ensure his sexual satisfaction, at least as much as you can (there are circumstances where no matter what you do you will not be able to).

MyNameAintJoel · 2016-04-16T22:35:20+00:00

I might be a little late on the comment here, but I wanted to try and maybe make a clarification; And this is based on what I'm HOPING she meant, and not me asserting 'This is absolutely what she was saying'. I think there's a lot of nuance to this, as with anything people are trying to define as 'rape'.

What I think 'Samantha' was trying to say, is that some men (And I use 'men' in particular, because Christian dynamics usually do put 'leadership' or 'authority' into the man's hands) use their religious culture to coerce their wives into sex that those women didn't necessarily want. On the less aggressive, but more annoying side; Nagging, begging, and slight guilting. On the more abusive side? Making women feel as if they're backed into a corner, in which, if they say 'No' indefinitely, they'll be blamed for anything after that decision. Husband lashes out? Shoulda had sex. Husband is being cold? Shoulda had sex. Church thinks low of you for not being all-pleasing in the bedroom? Just fuck the dude!

This puts blame on women, under the context that they're not 'sacrificing for their husband', and asserting that the lack of sacrifice is the seed of other problems. And while, yes, a sexless marriage is probably going to have some big problems... I don't think it's awful for women, AND men, to have not only the ability to say 'Not right now', but also the emotional support from their culture that it's, in fact, perfectly fine. Sacrifice goes both ways, and if my SO didn't wanna fuck me every time I was ready, that's cool. If we're in a good relationship, it's not like it's going to be the last time we're in bed together.

Whether or not the Author argued it poorly, or the point was misconstrued, I think isn't the most important point. What I took away from it, is that there ARE situations in which someone says 'Yes', only because they're afraid of what the consequences of 'No' are. That's a shitty place to be in. And, unfortunately, some religions do really push the idea that it's an obligation to a woman's husband to have sex on demand. That breeds a poisonous, imbalanced relationship. No one should be forced to do things for their partner.

That being said, the kind of relationship where feeling coerced into sex is a regular thing... Well, that's probably just a shitty relationship in more ways than one.

First comment here. Hopefully I didn't make an ass of myself. Just had a different opinion, is all.