In our better years, my wife and I used to laugh about her "tableaux"'. For example, if I went out with a bro, which happened rarely enough, despite all the "yeah, go have fun!"s, we both knew there would be something waiting for me when I got back. I'd get home late and she'd be pretending to sleep on the couch, shoulders bunched up in fury. At times like that, I'd sit down next to her, talk about my night and drag her into the bed and the next day we'd laugh at it.
She always said afterward that she knew what she was doing was dumb. She just couldn't help herself.
A couple of years back, the tableaux was replaced with something darker, more serious. I could ignore it but without the laughter, I was afraid to tackle it head-on, as it could only escalate to places I was afraid to go.
The gaps between what was "normal" and the dark periods got shorter until it seemed like darkness was all there was.
Obviously: fuck that shit.
I came here. Got lost. Reset. Got better. Faked it a while. Learned some shit. Regressed. Progressed. And eventually, something clicked.
The other night as my wife sat with her back to me, raging at some imagined slight, I realized it was kind of funny. I impulsively said, "let's touch butts!". She grudgingly wiggled her ass against mine and all of a sudden the laughter was back.
My son had a nuclear tantrum he couldn't calm himself from. But once he was safe and contained and I knew it was just a waiting game. It was kind of funny. As I chuckled at this, he screamed "stop laughing daddy!" and immediately calmed down.
After a real blow out over dinner, my wife stormed off home on her own. For reference, this indicates she requires either a full and unequivocal apology or a full 24 hours of sulking according to the Rpeed family manual. But when I arrived home (much later) and saw her, It just seemed funny. I couldn't help but snigger. We locked eyes. I laughed. And we were both laughing.
I guess when you get out of her frame and back into yours, you find the right tools for you. And for me, laughter might be the best medicine.
TL:DR: I thought I had my shit dialed in but my foundation was weak. I was working on Game, while failing on shit tests. I haven't quite completed this level but I've seen the full map now. Maybe I got the giant key from the dead boss and all I have to do is backtrack a bit and unlock the elevator to head up.
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