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RELATIONSHIPSThe discontented wife (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Zegiknie

So you upgraded your last boyfriend and the one before and the one before that and you got married to an amaaaaaazing guy. Only, he...

Yeah yeah... The thing is, nobody is perfect. And there will always be someone out there who is better in some way.

At one point, you have vetted, and decided that this is a worthy specimen. And now you will submit to him. And devote your efforts to preventing him from wishing he had gone MGTOW, instead of marrying you. To make him not regret marrying you.

But you wish he was just a bit more...

Sexy! All the other stuff we tend to complain about usually gets overlooked, or looked at in a positive light, as long as the attraction is strong.

So let's set about changing our men. Wait, what?! Well, yes, obviously we should accept them. And changing them doesn't work directly. But you can make changes that may or may not have a positive effect on him. The ones I describe will make you a better wife/person even if they don't improve him. And they will improve his satisfaction with you. So it's a win however it works out :-)

What makes a man attractive?

Dominance. This one comes from confidence and testosterone. You can increase them both! Don't give him any mint tea, do give him time to exercise and let him win (a win spikes testosterone levels). Being submissive yourself will naturally bring forth his dominance. Compliment him.

Social status. You can increase his. How? By being amazing yourself in the presence of his friend/family/coworkers. Having a sexy wife does wonders for how others perceive and treat him. And seeing others look at him in awe, makes you appreciate him more (because the hivemind is real).

Body. Things that are needed for a good one: time to exercise, enough sleep, little stress, having healthy food on hand. I don't know about you guys, but when I eat unhealthy, it's often because it is the quickest option. Prepare some healthy snacks and meals for your man!

Grooming and clothes. Iron the shirts for him. Compliment him and look at him that way when he looks after himself. Run him a bath and give him a massage. Care and self-care go hand in hand.

If you ever get frustrated and discontent, you can STFU and choose to say: this is enough. And it is good this way. Or you can indulge your inner diva a little and do something off the list (that you should be doing anyway). Don't make it a covert contract! But redirecting your impossible-to-please desires in a positive way can tide you over until sense hits :-)

This works in other ways, too. Messy husband? Get him an extra trashcan and have an easier laundry system in place so he knows where to leave his junk. Ill-tempered man? Increase massage frequency. Annoyed with him? Rage-clean and put your own bad mood to good use (or the corset, bunny tail & martini thing, if the house is in order. Or exercise).

Do you have other non-annoying ways to redirect your own negativity?


[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry, but I'm cracking up over here with the mental image of a woman angrily cleaning in a corset and bunny tail! 🤣

I feel like some frustration women encounter comes from not making yourself a priority. Yes, take care of your SO! But if you aren't taking time to workout, eat healthy, and indulge in self care, you will still be frazzled.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes!

But sometimes, self-care is not so easy. Taking care of sick loved ones, hard times, you're not always going to have as much me-time as you ideally should. Concept for another post maybe (selfcare shortcuts).

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sounds like a great idea for a post!

[–]skeleflor5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

​

I'm sorry, but I'm cracking up over here with the mental image of a woman angrily cleaning in a corset and bunny tail!

Sexy 'rage cleaning' reminded me of this scene from Mad Men: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buWU5pm3hok

[–]friggandfrayed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thought the exact same thing!

[–]peacocktoast1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha, what is with the corset/bunny tail thing on here lately?

[–]refelgallo6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"for every hot chick out there, there's a dude tired of fucking her" if you extrapolate, the inverse is or at the very least can be true. Media tells us hubby's are dumb dadbods who are only good for taking out the trash and bringing home "the dough".

It can be very difficult to still have that "spark" after years, even without kids. Monotony creeps in, settling into contentment. Both should put forth an effort. Unfortunately when you are settled in, it is difficult to see complacency

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars33 points34 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

A couple comments on your post.

So let's set about changing our men.

Wrong framing. You ENCOURAGE a man to change. Anything else is doomed to fail.

let him win (a win spikes testosterone levels)

Letting a man win, if he realizes you're doing it, will insult him. If you want to grant him a win, give him a challenge that will stretch his abilities but lay within his capacity. That could be a video game, a home improvement project, whatever. Don't pick something that you're better at, pick something that a) has meaning to him, and b) that he'll enjoy. The way you framed it is condescending.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I never meant any condescension. I don't know about you, but any exercise I do with my man is letting him win. Perhaps you are much more athletic than me?

The line about changing him was tongue in cheeck. You may have noticed all the things I mentioned were just about getting our own acts together?

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

any exercise I do with my man is letting him win.

So I take it that you're much more fit than he is. Okay, cool. Then that's probably NOT an area to build up his confidence by competing with him. That's an area that, if you must do it with him, do it COOPERATIVELY. Like for example, pick a daily sit-up goal. One that you can't reach by yourself. And then you both do situps together until you hit that goal. Or pick push-ups, which is something that will take him (if he's a typical male) very, very little time to excel you in.

"Letting someone win" is always condescending. The only healthy version of that I've ever encountered was something my Dad used to do with me. When I was a kid and we'd play chess, he would as me, "How hard do you want me to play, 1-10?" He let me set HIS difficulty. And that was fair.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, no I meant by default. So if I do anything sporty with him, he wins anyway, no matter how hard I try. Same with board games, except if luck is involved. So basically doing that together is giving him a winning experience naturally. Misunderstanding!

Home improvement projects, on the other hand, are an exercise in humility for my husband.

Side note - my husband plays his very best against our kid, and everytime the kid wins, he gets an extra piece next time. Started out beating the child with a pawn and a king, now they are almost equal. The current reigning chess champion did the same with his dad :-)

[–]Big_Stomper12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is a solid post... but I’ll second the “letting him win” comment.... we dudes can smell that a mile away, and a lesser man would probably feel like a total tool bag and bust his confidence. Play your hardest; if he loses then he’ll take out his frustrations in other (and hopefully more productive) ways to prove his manhood.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll repeat the other comment - if I exercise with my man, that is letting him win by default. He is stronger, faster, more athletic.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. If you're in an area that you excel him, find a way to cooperatively compete, not compete against one another. You're supposed to be partners, after all, right?

If you're playing a board game, play something like Pandemic (working together to save the world) instead of chess.

[–]Hannelore0101 Star3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I gave up a game once because it was 2am and I was 7 months pregnant with restless legs (we were playing with other people, so it still went a bit longer). I think that was one of only two times I’ve seen my husband angry with me. I’m sure it’s fine for some marriages, but my husband is pretty serious about playing a game straight, and I learned that my first year of marriage

(I never beat him anyway, so I guess it’s a moot point—I think he’s given up playing board games with me because he suspects I don’t actually play my best. I just think I’m not quite as smart/clever as he thinks I am)

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

More backrubs for him! ;-)

[–]Hannelore0101 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That used to be an every Friday night ritual, games or no games—and probably my most successful feminine initiation tactic. And today is Friday!

My comment sounds morose/whiny—no angst over it, just reflecting. A husband is an individal with a distinct personality, and wives have to discern (or just ask) what advice to use and what to not

Great post, Zegiknie!

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like this post because it serves as a good reminder of things people in relationships should know already -- when you live with someone, you see them at their best and at their worst, and sometimes when someone is slipping into complacency, there are things you can do to combat this.

[–]ObedientLittleWife5 points6 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Or don't marry someone you don't think is sexy?

[–]loneliness-inc26 points27 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Or don't marry someone you don't think is sexy?

This thought process is foolish because even the sexiest of sexy sex gods will become mundane with time.

Think about it. You're living with him day in, day out. When you're in a good mood and when you're in a bad mood. You see his messy hair and tired face. You smell his morning breath and flatulence. You witness all his weak moments and everything else unsexy about him that come with being human. It's easy to say "just choose the right guy", but even if you do choose the right guy, eventually, it's easy to see him as unsexy if you leave things to the whims of your own nature.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What do you mean? Morning farts and man flu are the height of sex appeal 😂

[–]loneliness-inc10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't laugh, fart porn actually exists 😂😂😂

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I mean honestly any women who gets disgusted at another person for having bodily functions just needs to take a look in the mirror. :P Being sexy isn't "never having messy hair and holding in farts until you explode", it's accepting that people don't always look their best, but that the low moments are just there to make the highs even better.

[–]loneliness-inc0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean honestly any women who gets disgusted at another person for having bodily functions just needs to take a look in the mirror. :P Being sexy isn't "never having messy hair and holding in farts until you explode", it's accepting that people don't always look their best, but that the low moments are just there to make the highs even better.

Likewise, any woman who gets turned off after witnessing her man's weaknesses or if she gets bored of him when life becomes mundane - needs to take a good look in the mirror. Because if she is this type, she's not ready for a long term relationship and is certainly not ready for marriage.

In a marriage, you're going to see his weaknesses. Even if he's a dominant alpha, he has weaknesses and you'll see them. If that's a turnoff for a woman, she shouldn't enter into a long term relationship. If she does, she's just causing unnecessary heartache to an innocent man.

[–]Vellore9921 Star0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Was it not you that argued it's perfectly reasonable for a man to be totally turned off by his wife after watching her give birth?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What if his farts don't stink and he doesn't have morning breath or messy hair ever 👀

[–]loneliness-inc5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Than, if you're a unicorn just like him, you can get married and live happily ever after once you shit out a few more unicorns at the end of the rainbow 😂😂😂

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How did you know that I shit rainbows? 😂😂😂

Just little ol me over here, a unicorn trying to prove NAWALT

(Just kidding, AWALT)

[–]loneliness-inc2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How did you know that I shit rainbows? 😂😂😂

Because I can smell rainbow shit from here! 😂😂😂

Women the world over take issue with the idea of AWALT. Men however, have no issue with the idea of AMALT. This is because as human beings, every woman feels like she's special and unique and therefore not like all the others (or at least she wants to feel that way). But as human doings, men start from the premise of having no value until proven. If you are busy proving your value, who cares if your nature is like all other men.

[–]ObedientLittleWife2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Op wasn't about gross men stuff. It's about him not being dominant, being fat, having low social standing or bad grooming. That is something you can easily vet for.

[–]loneliness-inc3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Op wasn't about gross men stuff. It's about him not being dominant, being fat, having low social standing or bad grooming. That is something you can easily vet for.

My point was lost on you.

Warning - hard RP truths incoming.

Of course you can vet for that, just like you can vet for physical features and anything else. But just like when you vet for physical attractiveness, you'll eventually be exposed to all the yucky stuff even if the person adheres to a high standard of personal hygiene, so too will you be exposed to all his weaknesses and non alpha dominant elements with the passage of time. You'll be exposed to this no matter how well you vet.

If this will cause you to lose attraction towards him, then you aren't wife material. You are the one who isn't ready to live with a mortal human man for the long term. You are the one who will get bored once the honeymoon phase is over because every man is a mortal human with weaknesses. Sure, these weaknesses aren't sexy just like your own morning breath and mood swings aren't sexy. Just like your body will decrease in its physical appeal with the passage of time and childbirth. If he was turned off by that, he wouldn't be ready for a long term marriage. Likewise, if you aren't ready for his unattractive weak side, you aren't ready for a long term marriage.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This! There is no man who never loses frame. Everyone is human.

[–]ObedientLittleWife0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not really hard red pill truths, more like things all mature people know. The girl OP made up in the post sounded like a woman who settled for someone who she didn't find attractive in the first place, everybody with half a brain knows humans are gross and weak sometimes. I'm married and I've cared for my husband when he was ill and during the death of close friends but those experiences actually bring us closer.

I guess I still don't understand your point.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You know, my husband is a Chad in the sense that he has women chasing him. He is sexy. But I have also seen him with severe stomach flu and when I am not exactly at my own own best.

It's not about your husband being sexy. It's about seeing him in that light.

And when you have vomit in your hair and the baby has been screaming for hours and you're frazzled from life and noses run, and you have been getting up too early again and again... Sometimes you can forget to see him that way.

Almost all women have petty complaints about their husband at some point. Most of it is the attraction fading because life gets in the way. If and when this happens, before recognizing he is only human, you can turn your negativity in productivity.

[–]ObedientLittleWife0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's not what your original post was about... Things like dominance and social standing is something you can vet for, life happens to everybody. On his good days my husband is still the sexiest man I've ever met.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe you read different things than I meant :-) Someone else also felt it was condescending, while I am quite sure I am more respectful of not only my own husband but men in general (not just the alphas) than most women on this sub. English is not my native language and sometimes I take for granted a similar understanding of words and their nuances. I need quite a lot of those words to get my point across, unfortunately. And in doing so, there is more room for misunderstanding.

I'll try to summarize for a bit more clarity.

Women with good husbands often whine or worry over minor things. Lessening attraction just happens. Life gets real and husbands grow old or sick or just tired on a bad day. If you feel negative toward him, do something positive. (that's why I referred to the very inspiring bunnytail lady!)This may or may not have any effect on your husband, but is good for your marriage anyway.

And by the way dominance and social standing can be vetted for, but they also fluctuate because life happens. And mostly: even if your husband never has any bad days, your own ability to feel attraction at all waxes and wanes with hormonal fluctuations, fatigue, worries, etc. When this happens, many women find fault with their husbands and feel discontented. My suggestion is to do something positive when they become aware of such feelings. Because waiting for them to just pass is harder than feeling like you have done something about an unpleasant situation.

[–]ObedientLittleWife0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It sounded like you were talking about a woman who never really was very attracted to her husband in the first placed. Maybe you should specify that in the OP.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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