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I'm not talking/thinking about it from an angle about her beauty, but rather how she has found many men who can gain her interest? Personally, I can find a lot of men physically attractive in one way or another but they don't interest me enough for me to even consider kissing them. At this point, I'm wondering if something is wrong with me (like having too high standards). I tend to have crushes on guys who have shown me kindness through acts of service, but over the years, my tolerance for them acting "mean" afterwards has declined. I appreciate attention, kindness, and friendship compatibility the most. I also like to find a man who has an interest in politics and/or history, regardless of his stance. I like being able to discuss and debate such matters. I think my sex drive is quite low, but I am the sort who would negotiate well with his needs. Am I searching for such a small minority? What are your preferences? And any advice?


[–]ApplepieTurnover46 points47 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Personally I’ve found there are two types of people:

1) seldom fall for someone but when they do, they fall really hard

2) fall for a lot of people but never that deeply, find it easy to move on.

Now I’m one of the 2nd group and my sister is in the 1st group. It sounds like you are in the 1st group too. She sounds very similar to you in many ways (she also has a much lower sex drive then me.)

I think embrace this as part of who you are, when the right one comes along really enjoy it cause it’s rare for you and that kinda makes it a whole lot sweeter in a way. I fall easily in love but I also fall out of love quickly, so I’m kinda jealous! Intensity more than makes up for rarity I think. :)

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a one, but at the same time, when I'm done with someone I'm done. I'm very comfortable with being alone and only spending time with people who bring added value to my life.

[–]ApplepieTurnover10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s refreshing to hear, a lot of times I’ve noticed that ones struggle with moving on. They’ll go back even when they know they shouldn’t

[–]threebitsofquiet12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was a one, but he betrayed me very deeply and I've become a two. I'm working on it, but it's difficult.

[–]lyssavirus9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Until you're 36 and still haven't met someone and figure you may as well just give up

[–]qwertyuiop1112222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Personally I’ve found there are two types of people:

1) seldom fall for someone but when they do, they fall really hard

2) fall for a lot of people but never that deeply, find it easy to move on.

Damn, this is fascinating! Thanks for sharing that...!

[–]Helmet_Icicle21 points22 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

  • They have what most men are looking for physically and mentally.

  • They're located in the places that men looking to be interested are also in.

  • They're engaging proactively in getting what they want.

There's no point in being concerned about what other women are doing if they're getting men that you're not interested in. What you should be focusing on is being attractive to the kinds of men you want to attract. It's all well and good to know what you're looking for, but the real progress is knowing how to find it in other people.

I appreciate attention, kindness, and friendship compatibility the most.

This doesn't further your ability to find compatibility. 99.9% of people are invariably looking for the same exact thing, so this doesn't do anything to distinguish you as a candidate.

I also like to find a man who has an interest in politics and/or history, regardless of his stance. I like being able to discuss and debate such matters.

Political history is pretty low on the totem pole in terms of contemporary interests.

I think my sex drive is quite low, but I am the sort who would negotiate well with his needs.

"I don't want to have sex with you but I can give you a pity handjob" is the opposite of persuasive negotiation.

Am I searching for such a small minority?

Are you searching for anything differently than most other people? Everything you say you're looking for is not only hard to find, it's also decreasing your potential value. You want someone who wants a friend instead of a girlfriend, but won't expect lots of sex? So you're looking for a roommate FWB? And you think someone with the intellectual caliber to debate the nuance of politics and history is somehow also going to settle for this?

And any advice?

Stop looking for your last relationship and just focus on learning as much as you can from your next relationship.

[–]Maybelowsmv1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your comment

Personally, I don't think I have a problem when it comes to my appearance or personality when it comes to attracting men (other than my religious appearance). However, the main problem is that whilst I am able to form crushes, it takes a lot of feelings for me to actually consider dating someone romantically. I am, of course, going to continue trying to improve myself both physically and mentally to remain being attractive to some. I don't know what to do about the sex drive, but I can handle a once or twice a day sexual thing. But someone with a high or very high sex drive wouldn't be compatible with me. And yes, I'm sure someone with an intellectual calibre would settle for me. But I do have to admit that my "type" is highly inspired by my last relationship. In my defence though, he was my first relationship and prior to that I have ended up losing interest in guys who weren't intelligent enough (I'd like to feel that they are smarter than I am, and I don't think that's a difficult task for most nerds)

[–]Helmet_Icicle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can be as selective as you choose, but what you don't have control over is the corresponding size of your candidate pool.

[–]jrl20140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One or twice a day is a high sex drive once a couple has been together for a while. As silly as I personally find labels like asexual and aromantic it sounds like you might have some commonalities with people who label themselves that way. As others have said, some people fall for lots of people very quickly and others don't. There's nothing wrong with being the way you are and lots of people like you have gotten married! I like the book "The Rules" as a pep talk, because it only takes finding one right man. But yes, you definitely want to be very proactive where it comes to dating and expanding your social circles to increase your chances of finding someone.

[–]skeleflor9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I hear you, and often find myself wondering the same: are my standards really that high? Am I overly picky? I have girlfriends who have slept with dozens of men and it's just beyond my powers of imagination how any woman can find that many men worthy of that extreme intimacy and vulnerability.

It's worth keeping in mind that your partner -- your "one" -- doesn't ultimately have to be the one to fulfill all your needs. You can debate politics and talk history with friends, colleagues, or family members too. It's essential to have values in common and a shared vision for your future, and it's important to have a few activities you can enjoy doing together to ensure that you spend time together and that the time spent together is mutually enjoyable. But it's not necessary to be perfect matches. You don't have to be on the same page for everything; it's alright to be on adjacent pages, too.

[–]Maybelowsmv1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! And yes, I know I cant expect a man to be perfect or to fulfill all of my needs. I suppose whilst I'd enjoy having shared interests, those interests could be developed together over time anyway. I don't think I have high standards when it comes to things like status or money, which is a stereotype, but I do crave an emotional connection to some extent. It's really difficult talking about these things actually. I don't have a checklist, but I do know what my values and vision for my future are/is. I shouldn't be overthinking this at all

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your problem is that you expect an emotional connection before you know someone. That’s very backwards.

You have to date someone to know them emotionally, and unless you are open to doing that with men you may initially be on the fence about, you’ll be alone more often than not.

You have to be open to the idea of liking someone before you know them in order to consistently find partners.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The problem many women have, is the only have eyes for the men who give them attention (you and the 'nice guys' with their covert contracts around acts of service).

Get to know many people. If they are interesting to you, make yourself appeal to them.

Or, you know, sit in that tower and wait ;-)

I have loooooong been off the market, but I also find intelligence essential to attraction. I lucked out early with a brothers friend, but if not, I would have gone actively searching for a husband. Not just picking the least worst of my beta orbiters.

Try debate clubs and maybe internet forums where politics get debated?

[–]ondinee2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many women don’t really know what they want. If you don’t plan to find a certain kind of person (such as: tall/funny/religious or not religious/whatever you want) you can fall for any kind of person. If you don’t know what you want, how do you pick a partner? Also many women just pick someone to avoid being alone. Some women don’t really have a strong personality, especially when young. So it makes it easier to like or adjust to much more types of men. If you know what you want, there is a smaller pool of people to choose from, since only some people will meet your standards.

[–]faerie871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People are just different. Some people are pickier than other. Some people don't mind different types of cuisines where as others only like one or two types and have a lot of deal breakers. Also depends on age, and what qualities you prioritise. I used to like guys easily because I was so desperate to get in relationships. I only learned to be pickier after I wasted time in relationships and matured, it was then I realized I was looking for a lifelong partner.

On the other hand, if you never like any guys that like you and you've met a lot, then maybe you're too picky.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most people barely have any standards, don't do any sort of proper vetting, or worse, are worrying about the complete wrong things about a future partner. I mean, how many amazing marriages do you know? How many alright ones? And how many bad?

[–]Gordonsan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol good point. Thought about how this would be perceived after I posted it. Wasn’t trying to pick her up. I was just offering to chat but I see how it would look like that. A bit young for me honestly.

[–]RainbowKitty770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I was younger I had a crush on pretty much every guy I knew at one point or another. I'm at a point now where I hardly ever crush on anyone. I tend to go for people who would go for me 8/10.

[–]HB32343 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm seeing a lot of a sentiment that these women don't vet well or are easy. And that's likely true to some degree - but only because most people vet terribly.

Still, I would like to add another element: if you are beautiful and feminine, you're such a rare asset that you often really do have the pick of the litter. There are so many wonderful, generous, strong, kind men out there when you are young. So if you've got a good RMV and SMV, good men can be easy to find. The problem occurs when you expect this abundance to last forever, when in reality those good guys get snapped up faster than a minnow at a pirhana convention.

If your SMV is decent, consider your approachability, your demeanor, and where you spend your time.

[–]MadHatter9210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you heard of the terms sapiosexual and/or demisexual? The former is one who finds intelligence attractive and the latter is one who needs an emotional connection to be sexually attracted. I find lots of men physically attractive, but if their personalities aren't up to par, that's as far as it can go for me. I have a friend who is less red pill, more "fempowered". She argues that she loves and feels a connection with everyone, so why should she date just one person? That's fine for some people, but it isn't everyone. If it is a matter of being attracted to intelligence and needing an emotional connection, maybe try to open your mind to these men who are kind and compassionate. At least let them take you to dinner, pay for your portion if you don't want to feel any obligation. Some of us don't fall as easily as others but we definitely won't fall if we don't get out there. If you like them enough as a friend, give them a chance to impress you further.

[–]Gordonsan 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey, I love discussing History and politics. Either side is fine. I have been told that sometimes i play devils advocate. What history are you interested in? I studied Asian History for a while, but have just started to be interested in European history recently. My Wikipedia browsing got me interested one evening, and i got caught up in how Queen Victoria was trying to put a relative on all of the thrones in Europe. So World War one was a huge fight between family members! (Source: https://www.historyextra.com/period/victorian/friends-family-rivals-queen-victoria-european-empires-politics-foreign-policy/ )

I tend to value conversations, and discussion with my partners, some were receptive, others not so much. While sex for me is important, i don't want it to be the the only means of connection. Physical connection is great, but i need to have a mental one as well.

As for advice, i can only suggest you don't settle. It seems like you have a good understanding of what you are looking for. Keep looking and don't get discouraged.

If your ever looking for someone to talk to about history, or to debate the latest insane political event feel free to PM me. Good luck out there.

[–]PrettyBlueMushroomModerator | PrettyBlueMushroom[M] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

RPW is not the place for you to try picking up women.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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