Dating and Relationships: How do I break up with old boyfriend of 4 years for a new, better guy of 1 year? I've been dating my current boyfriend for 4 years he's a good guy. Only this other guy who started out as only a friend because I was already taken, is looking more interesting and much more exciting and he's dreamy model hot looking. I've hung out with him for a year as a friend, and he keeps asking me out. They both make around the same salary, everything else is similar. wrote:
Dating and Relationships: How do I break up with old boyfriend of 4 years for a new, better guy of 1 year?
I've been dating my current boyfriend for 4 years he's a good guy. Only this other guy who started out as only a friend because I was already taken, is looking more interesting and much more exciting and he's dreamy model hot looking. I've hung out with him for a year as a friend, and he keeps asking me out. They both make around the same salary, everything else is similar.
The answer by a PUA/dating coach is interesting:
I'm going to help you, by telling you how this is going to end.
In less than a year, you're going to end up losing both men, and be filled with self-loathing at the horrible choices you made in the preceding year, while you chow down on a tub of ice cream on February 14th, 2015.
In that dark moment, when you fire up Quora and reread your question from a year ago, your mind will be filled with befuddlement - "How the hell did this Kai chap know so much in advance? Is he a sorcerer or some sort of psychic?"
But the answers are right there in your question.
- The fact that you fixate on "they both make the same salary" and "dreamy model hot looking" aspects of the two men is telling.
You didn't care to mention the shared history you had with your four-year relationship, the moral character /thoughtfulness/ intelligence /kindness of your current boyfriend.
They are irrelevant to you.
From your point of view, the man you're with is a salary and a face.
By that metric, the new guy is the same salary, but with a better face. Clearly, this means you "deserve" to upgrade to the better model, since they're otherwise interchangeable.
To you, this is the equation you're evaluating:
Time to upgrade to the better Christian.
- I've hung out with him for a year as a friend, and he keeps asking me out.
So not only is Mr. Dreamy-model-hot-looking guy the sort of douchy dickwad willing to hit on a woman who is in an exclusive relationship ... he is willing to repeatedly do so after being (presumably) rebuffed at first for over a year?
Looks like you have a real winner here.
I have male friends who maintain multiple girlfriends, those in polyamorous relationships, and those who only are in serious monogamous relationships. The one thing they have in common is that they are honest and communicate with clarity and directness with the women whose beds they share.
My time is precious, and I do not waste it consorting with backstabbing dickwads who lie to women (or men).
Here's the harsh truth:
Your dreamy-model-hot "upgrade" is a low-class scumbag willing to creep around another man's back for over a year to seduce a woman who is in an established relationship.
Clearly, he holds the sanctity of others' relationships in low regard.
How do you think he will treat his relationship with you, once you open heart and body to him?
With all that said - you've already committed emotional infidelity, regardless of whether you've slept with this guy or not (though if I were a betting man, I'd wager you already have).
You are unfit to be in a relationship with an honest man, and you should do your current boyfriend a favor and formally end things, so he can be free to be with someone worthy of being loved by him.
Go and enjoy your fling with Mr. Dreamy-Model-Hot-Guy for the [X] months that it lasts. And when you discover he is cheating on you with another woman he seduced away from her boyfriend/husband, please come back to Quora and fire up the anonymous question:
"Help!!! How do I get over being cheated on and dumped by a dreamy-model-hot guy/How do I get back my loyal boyfriend of 4 years?"
If you A2A me, I promise I will answer that question.
Though I suspect you will probably dislike that answer as much as you dislike this one. Razz