Background: In a committed relationship with the man who introduced me to TRP, 1 year 10 months, living together.
A recent social interaction with an attractive and talented male peer got me thinking about hypergamy as it manifests in my consciousness and experience. My treatment of this topic will require a decorum of self criticism. The peer and I shared an elevator to our department floor. We're both graduate students. We exchanged hellos.
Not having seen each other in two semesters, he remarked that I "looked different." I've grown out my hair, which was previously a short undercut dyed multiple bright colours; now its natural black. I'm also wearing a fuller face of makeup with more consistency. Almost always wear a skirt or dress now; it was a skirt at this particular moment. And hopefully I look physically fitter (I am a naturally thin "chicken legs" type), but my exercise routine lacks consistency or structure. Anyway! Onward! To his comment, I replied, "Yeah, I change my appearance more drastically and more frequently than most people do." He affirmed my explanation for the change in my appearance, but insisted his point: "Yeah, but... like really different." Then he seemed to circle around saying something with stammers and filler words, uh, I mean, like, you know?
I retrospectively interpreted this fumbling as him wanting to make an evaluative statement on my current appearance as favourable. The implications of such a statement are that I looked bad before and that omg he's objectifying me. These social constraints could have caused him to freeze up in speech, I'm guessing, obviously. And I'm making these assumptions based on the tension between what I believe to be true from TRP, men prefer women with feminine appearances, and what Blue Pill society deems socially unacceptable, evaluating women's bodies, objectifying.
Upon remembering this event, I applied the above narrative to it. And I can't tell you which came first; my attraction to the peer or his perceived attraction to me (I had not been consciously attracted to him in the past). But my recollection of the elevator exchange days later in a moment of solitude made me excited. Made me revel in his physical attractiveness, in his intelligence and talent. Made me dream of possibilities with this person as my partner. However!
Aware of women's tendencies towards hypergamy, I recognized this train of thought, which lasted a mere moment, and I stopped. I thought of my partner, who has more than enough going for him and is constantly improving himself. He and I have explicitly expressed our intentions to spend our lives together. We are a partnership; I have a responsibility to him and our joint future, a future I ecstatically anticipate. I will not be foolish, inconsistent, and traitorous.
In the past, I could occupy such a selfish perspective. I was unfaithful to multiple boyfriends. Someone new would like me and I'd move forward sexually before the "previous" relationship had actually ended. Sometimes men would overlap without any end in sight. Often they were aware of my behaviour. My consent during sex would be ambiguous and sometimes I would use this to my advantage, painting myself as a victim of unwanted advances if I was caught cheating. Men were disposable, I figured I might as well throw them under the bus. My behaviour, I realize (even then I knew on one level or another), was despicable and I am regretful.
I don't delude myself into a mindset of victimhood (which was in reality predatory) anymore. Even if this peer were attracted to me (which I have to seriously doubt) and did pursue me, it is within my full ability to oppose advances and my duty to my partnership to do so. More importantly, I am now aware of my mild attraction to this peer and can act accordingly, maintaing a level of intimacy corresponding with acquaintanceship and monitoring my limited thoughts and feelings about the person.
Now that I've finished writing I'm not really sure what my point is. I guess this is just how I am grappling with hypergamy on a practical level. If there are any errors in my thinking, I'd appreciate if some more experienced ladies could clarify for me. Is anyone else coping with hypergamic sentiments in their consciousness? If female hypergamy is an inevitability, how do RPW break evolutionary habits in their daily life practices?
Edit: I spelled the word "foolish" wrong. Ahahahaha.
2nd Edit: Thank you to the user who gave me gold for this post and thank you for reading.
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