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[FIELD REPORT]My Hypergamy (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by TinyLung

Background: In a committed relationship with the man who introduced me to TRP, 1 year 10 months, living together.

A recent social interaction with an attractive and talented male peer got me thinking about hypergamy as it manifests in my consciousness and experience. My treatment of this topic will require a decorum of self criticism. The peer and I shared an elevator to our department floor. We're both graduate students. We exchanged hellos.

Not having seen each other in two semesters, he remarked that I "looked different." I've grown out my hair, which was previously a short undercut dyed multiple bright colours; now its natural black. I'm also wearing a fuller face of makeup with more consistency. Almost always wear a skirt or dress now; it was a skirt at this particular moment. And hopefully I look physically fitter (I am a naturally thin "chicken legs" type), but my exercise routine lacks consistency or structure. Anyway! Onward! To his comment, I replied, "Yeah, I change my appearance more drastically and more frequently than most people do." He affirmed my explanation for the change in my appearance, but insisted his point: "Yeah, but... like really different." Then he seemed to circle around saying something with stammers and filler words, uh, I mean, like, you know?

I retrospectively interpreted this fumbling as him wanting to make an evaluative statement on my current appearance as favourable. The implications of such a statement are that I looked bad before and that omg he's objectifying me. These social constraints could have caused him to freeze up in speech, I'm guessing, obviously. And I'm making these assumptions based on the tension between what I believe to be true from TRP, men prefer women with feminine appearances, and what Blue Pill society deems socially unacceptable, evaluating women's bodies, objectifying.

Upon remembering this event, I applied the above narrative to it. And I can't tell you which came first; my attraction to the peer or his perceived attraction to me (I had not been consciously attracted to him in the past). But my recollection of the elevator exchange days later in a moment of solitude made me excited. Made me revel in his physical attractiveness, in his intelligence and talent. Made me dream of possibilities with this person as my partner. However!

Aware of women's tendencies towards hypergamy, I recognized this train of thought, which lasted a mere moment, and I stopped. I thought of my partner, who has more than enough going for him and is constantly improving himself. He and I have explicitly expressed our intentions to spend our lives together. We are a partnership; I have a responsibility to him and our joint future, a future I ecstatically anticipate. I will not be foolish, inconsistent, and traitorous.

In the past, I could occupy such a selfish perspective. I was unfaithful to multiple boyfriends. Someone new would like me and I'd move forward sexually before the "previous" relationship had actually ended. Sometimes men would overlap without any end in sight. Often they were aware of my behaviour. My consent during sex would be ambiguous and sometimes I would use this to my advantage, painting myself as a victim of unwanted advances if I was caught cheating. Men were disposable, I figured I might as well throw them under the bus. My behaviour, I realize (even then I knew on one level or another), was despicable and I am regretful.

I don't delude myself into a mindset of victimhood (which was in reality predatory) anymore. Even if this peer were attracted to me (which I have to seriously doubt) and did pursue me, it is within my full ability to oppose advances and my duty to my partnership to do so. More importantly, I am now aware of my mild attraction to this peer and can act accordingly, maintaing a level of intimacy corresponding with acquaintanceship and monitoring my limited thoughts and feelings about the person.

Now that I've finished writing I'm not really sure what my point is. I guess this is just how I am grappling with hypergamy on a practical level. If there are any errors in my thinking, I'd appreciate if some more experienced ladies could clarify for me. Is anyone else coping with hypergamic sentiments in their consciousness? If female hypergamy is an inevitability, how do RPW break evolutionary habits in their daily life practices?

Edit: I spelled the word "foolish" wrong. Ahahahaha.

2nd Edit: Thank you to the user who gave me gold for this post and thank you for reading.


[–]StingrayVC 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Is anyone else coping with hypergamic sentiments in their consciousness?

We're women. We all do from time to time.

If female hypergamy is an inevitability, how do RPW break evolutionary habits in their daily life practices?

Well, I'm old so it doesn't happen with the same frequency as it did. But basically, we tend to forget how good we have it in the moment and see the excitement of a new man. Counter this by remembering just how amazing the man is whom you already have. And do what homo_homini_lupus says.

Good post.

Edit: This is relevant. The fourth paragraph after the letter.

[–]TinyLung[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, that paragraph is all about me. I gotta watch myself. I'm not "trading [him] in," I've made my decision and I am committed to it.

[–]neveragoodtime1 Star -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

As hypergamy is described here, it seems so much like what men in a relationship deal with when they see a hot girl. Yes, there is always a hotter girl out there than you. Just like there is a man with more muscle and more money than me. Competition is a fact. The difference seems to be that women have a built in rationalization engine that simultaneously decreases her mates value and attractiveness while increasing her fantasy's value and attractiveness. If unchecked, this inevitably breaks the relationship. Meanwhile, men seem to be content if their mate just sexes them well and frequently. I don't know if that helps, just be content.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The difference seems to be that women have a built in rationalization engine that simultaneously decreases her mates value and attractiveness while increasing her fantasy's value and attractiveness. If unchecked, this inevitably breaks the relationship. Meanwhile, men seem to be content if their mate just sexes them well and frequently.

Spot on, women have selection mechanisms that allow them to choose the best mate. Men do not care who they mate with because they can mate with multiple partners at once. Men do not have these selecting mechanisms so they end up selecting women based mostly on appearance.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

Self awareness is key. Do not get in situations alone with men, be cordial and cold with them. Don't be intimate with them or allow them to make you act warm and laugh. It may seem ridiculous, but it is from these interactions that attraction spring, as you say yourself. Despite the lies told about female nature, women are not just baldly attracted to looks, they become attracted to men through interactions, specific interactions masterful men know how to make happen. There's a reason married/taken women were never allowed to be alone with stange men in the past.

[–][deleted]  (14 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep

[–]neveragoodtime1 Star -1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Men are keenly aware that attraction does happen. Our attraction is visual and indiscriminate. We do not delude ourselves that men and women can be friends. So self control and monitoring behavior as above, is very important to maintaining a relationship.

[–][deleted]  (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]neveragoodtime1 Star 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Yes, unequivocally he wants to be more than friends. He's not lying to himself or to you. What he means is he is willing to act like your friend until some imagined point where you realize the frog was really a prince and kiss him and live happily ever after. Or maybe he's just trying to save some face after being shot down and playing the plausible deniability card. Either way, he figures a not no is as good as a yes.

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]neveragoodtime1 Star 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I guess if you've communicated clearly, and he still wants to put himself in the friend zone, that's on him. I don't think its a real problem unless he oversteps the boundaries you set. I wouldn't suggest completely avoiding him if that doesn't happen. However, if you really are preparing yourself for a life long partner, you don't want that friendship to become a red flag, or get in the way of that goal.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

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[–]neveragoodtime1 Star 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm not a relationship counselor, just offering my advice as a guy. He's definitely running game on you, and you recognize this. Any invasion of your space, especially when just getting to know you, is a test to see how much you'll tolerate. I thought he might be an innocent friend zone loving beta, but from your edits, clearly he is not. Just showing up with him means he's winning, and if you don't watch out, in a few months you'll be confused why everyone thinks he's your boyfriend. Cut it off with him, at least the one on one stuff. If the other girls leaves, make an excuse why you have to go too. If he asks just you tell him no, thanks. You don't even need a reason other than too busy. Tell him you're washing your hair if he seriously doesn't get the point and lay off. From your description, he's bordering on disrespect to you, and he should have enough self respect to move on.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]TinyLung[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I may be acting too friendly with all men. I make a constant conscious effort to affect warmth, smile, and laugh, after being frequently informed that I looked sad.

Maintaining a platonic distance of noninvolvement is my obvious course of action, but do I have to be "cold" in our few interactions? I don't want to be unfriendly, or, God forbid, bitchy.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I don't want to be unfriendly, or, God forbid, bitchy

This is what gets women in trouble. Only your SO matters, be COOL not cold--busninesslike. Cordial smiles, not warm inviting ones. Men see warmth as invitation. Don't act single

[–]TinyLung[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Huh. Cool. I get to think about degrees of smiles now! I never considered being able to consciously control that facial affect on a register, but it seems super obvious now that I think about it.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The amount of sheer honesty in this makes it a great read! It's awesome to see things turn around like this. Battling the hypergamy is difficult but can be done. I've had my own share of "Wow, this dude is awesome, I wonder..." moments only to remember that I have an amazing SO and don't need an "upgrade." It's a conscious process, since it's easy to hamster away why person X is better than your SO and would be the preferable partner, even if your SO has done nothing wrong at all.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

  • My consent during sex would be ambiguous and sometimes I would use this to my advantage, painting myself as a victim of unwanted advances if I was caught cheating. Men were disposable, I figured I might as well throw them under the bus. My behaviour, I realize (even then I knew on one level or another), was despicable and I am regretful.*

I actually missed this part of your thread when I read it through the first time. I can't tell you how deeply disturbing this character flaw of yours is. I hope you keep a tight vigil on this one because its a real hard thing to overlook.

[–]TinyLung[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I have character flaws that might disturb you even further. Guilt is a prominent and overarching impression on my mind. I made a lot of mistakes in my adolscence. Mistakes which brought me into contact with girls with similar behaviours through group therapy.

False rape accusations were common place in that friend group, which I've long since abandoned. One girl went as far as a court case, which was abandoned because her story was inconsistent.

I also spent a lot of time in online chatrooms and forums where the majority of female users had some rape experience. The statistics seemed skewed, to say the least, but you can't question the women's stories.

False rape claims permeate Western society, I believe, more heavily than most are willing to admit. It's fucked up normal. And I was complicit in it. It makes me sick.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have my own demons as do the rest of us. Welcome.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In my college environment you wouldn't be considered a woman with a real voice without some tragic, traumatic experience to draw from.

Those of us who had avoided trouble were looked upon as naïve and child-like, not capable of bringing anything to the feminist table, certainly not capable of understanding our sisters' lived experiences....

Which, at this point I shamefully realize were probably also total fabrications. It was the most mentally sick version of keeping up with the Joneses I've ever witnessed. This with the complete participation and encouragement of a significant amount of faculty.

[–]TinyLung[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Feminism in academia is fascinating and something about which I am frequently complaining. "The men are oppressing the women in this" is not a literary criticism! It gets ridiculous, marking essay after essay with the exact same empty of nuance thesis.

Have there been posts on this topic? I wonder how feminism manifests in different university departments. Are there any "reformed" women's studies students who identify with being a RPW?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post, and thank you for sharing your process. I am adding this to the field report post linked in the side-bar. I think a lot of new users will find this narrative insightful and eye-opening.

[–]TinyLung[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What?! That's cool! I feel special.

[–]TestosteroneFilled -5 points-4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

You're gonna post this type of post to the sidebar that advocates one girl can live her youth with lots of boyfriends and cheat on all of them etc. then attain a solid LTR?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm posting this because the OP is honest about her mistakes and recognizes her bad-thought patterns. She's actively working to correct a behavior that has caused her problems in the past. She doesn't claim to be perfect or have it all figured out, she knows what she did previously was wrong, and she recognizes how lucky she is to have a good man now. Her narrative is a unique one, and I haven't come across any other thread that specifically gives an honest, first person account of what a woman starts to think when hypergamy begins to set in.

This is a valuable resource that very well may allow newer users to recognize their own hypergamy.

The OP doesn't claim to be a unicorn, and she doesn't try to paint herself as faultless. She actually does behave like a RPW by admitting her mistakes, and not trying to justify them. She's honest, and that's valuable.

I'm not condoning her previous sexual exploits, nor saying other women should strive to mirror her example as far as that goes. I recognize the primary source value her experience brings to the table. I applaud her determination to change and become a better woman. She is not speaking from a place of entitlement, but of humility. She recognizes how wonderful her SO is, and she is taking measures to defend the integrity of her relationship. That's good.

The OP in no way whatsoever says "whore around, cheat, and then you too can have a great LTR!" She's regretful about her past mistakes, she doesn't try to glorify her actions.

On another note - do not presume to tell a Mod what threads are and are not appropriate for side-bar material.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're missing the point entirely. We're not telling women to do this, we're not saying this is a great strategy and any user that walks away with that impression is an idiot. The field reports are first hand testimonials that show progress, improvement, how different users handled various situations. It's useful to know that when it comes to being a Red Pill Woman, you don't read the sub for two days and magically you're fixed - it's a process.

You're being passive aggressive, and getting hung up on this post because it conflicts with some fantasy you have that all RPW are perfect - we aren't and we never claimed to be. All we say is that we are here to be aware, improve, and do what we can to be deserving of a good man's commitment. Some of the ladies will have a more difficult past than others. Every woman can improve, and in so doing, she increases her chances of finding a good man. The quality of life a woman with a sullied past can build will probably be significantly different from the quality of life she could have had if she never engaged in certain behaviors.

This woman is in a good relationship now because she severely changed her way of thinking and acting, she has been disciplined and dropped bad habits. That she has a stable relationship now is about as shocking a revelation as when a RP gentleman finally starts to understand things and secures a few plates or an LTR.

[–]TempestTcup 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes RPW shares her story like people share their stories at an AA meeting; it helps them sort through what they are going through, and it helps other people going through the same thing. It's a cautionary tale told as a warning to other women, not a celebration of her past cheating and present ability to get a LTR in spite of that cheating.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We are willing to listen to the story from a prospective that she made huge mistakes and is finally learning to be a better woman. We are all about change here and have no expectation that perfect Unicorns Only will be posting here. In fact we tend to shred the ego of those perfect Unicorns.

I understand what you are saying but you are missing that she changed.

[–]ALadyLikeMe 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

RPW is not an exclusive club of "perfect" women. There is no minimum partner count or perfect track record required to be able to participate here. In fact, it's the former feminist sluts that need this place the most! If girls with poor past choices can come here and genuinely work on bettering themselves and learning how to make good choices, then all the better.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one has EVER said any sort of woman can't attain a "solid" LTR--what she can't attain based on damage, mileage, age, closeness to wall etc is the best possible man from the widest possible pool of highest quality possible men she COULD have attained at the height of her attractiveness had she acted/looked/thought differently

[–]RPForseti 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are to be commended for your frankness and honesty here. I think people on here will hope that the decisions you make regarding your relationship(s) in the future are healthier to you and your SO. Your past cannot be changed but it appears you have decided to make a concerted effort to change. I would encourage you to stay alert and on top of past actions that may try to creep their way back into your life and relationships.....when they do I encourage you to squelch them immediately. Live on RPW.

[–]Radox_Redux 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just got to say congrats on being so self-aware. Women like you make me think there's hope for the world.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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