Does anyone else feel bad for other women who haven't found their captain?

est-la-lune · 2019-02-13T18:29:00+00:00

To give RPW advice to feminists:

Don't give them an opportunity to be defensive ("What you're doing is wrong" or "There's a better way to do X").

When you give advice, emphasize what your female loved one gains from changing her behavior. She doesn't care what men want ("Men don't respect you if you sleep with them too soon"), but she may be receptive to something else ("I waited to have sex with my husband until we were in an exclusive relationship, and I think our mutual respect is stronger because I did so" - notice the word "you" is missing from this sentence and that you gained respect).

You don't need to package RPW as an entire ideology. One or two pieces of actionable advice (usually on the biggest mistake that they're making) is enough. If you feed them too much, they may reject the whole thing because they don't agree with one part.

And if all else fails, it's not our responsibility as women to make everyone else happy, including (and maybe especially) the people we love. Work within your sphere of influence.

classylassy28 · 2019-02-13T18:08:11+00:00

Actually... no. Life is a struggle, always, even when married to a "perfect" man. I'm in my forties, and I've seen people's fate change overnight and roles flipped over the years so many times that I'm only grateful for what I have now, and who knows who is the happy one in five years time.

But I do feel sorry for men whose perfect girlfriends turned into bitch wives. Really.

learningtomom · 2019-02-13T18:04:02+00:00

I mostly worry for younger people - not just women - who would likely love to be in love, but have struggles finding a good partner. Societal shifts (e.g., Tinder) do seem to make it harder for people to develop normal, loving relationships.

I also question myself sometimes - I want everyone to be in love and in a happy relationship - and then I remember that what is best for me might not be best for others. I have cognitive dissonance about this topic, though, because I also do think everyone is happiest & healthiest when in a strong & healthy relationship/family.

whatdidshewrite · 2019-02-13T17:49:45+00:00

I’d say it’s the same issue I face as a guy. My best friend throws himself head first at women and then wonders why he’s single.

In my opinion, the people need to get to the point where they recognize they need to change because what they’re not doing isn’t working. That’s when their eyes will open. Anything you or I tell them won’t change much because they don’t recognize the need to change.

Development is very much something an individual must do themselves (in my opinion).

okayestwifey · 2019-02-13T17:52:54+00:00

I do, but it's also important to avoid feeling smug and self-congratulating. I do hear you that it's hard to avoid giving what you know is good advice, when you also know it won't be received. The only thing you can do is lead by example.

Irl_girl · 2019-02-13T19:24:08+00:00

Yes, I totally feel for my friends who would be snapped up in a heartbeat if they were men. They’re funny, hardworking and successful, strong and kind. They’ve followed feminism by the book and not a single man (especially the ones w comparable social/career status) seem to care. It’s a product of the times and I sympathize. We were told we should strive to be equal to earn respect and a great love would follow.

It’s not always welcome in my circles, but I just try to be as frank as possible about my choices and how they’ve contributed to my “best life” without belittling the choices of others. That way if they ever do question their current methodology, they’ll know they can come to me without fear of judgement or “I told you so”. If they don’t, then it’s not really my business.

This applies to everything/anything though, it’s called being a supportive friend.

RubyWooToo · 2019-02-13T21:58:27+00:00

The most simple and effective way to give advice on any subject, in my experience, is the Socratic method: Ask a lot of questions and get the person to think through things on her own.

As much as I feel like I've learned a lot since taking the Red Pill, I always try to retain my humility rather than be smug or judgemental. I can't presume to know what's best for each and every woman or their relationships. I know plenty of feminists who are happily married and have success in the dating world, as well as plenty of non-feminists who are complete messes when it comes to men.

ObedientLittleWife · 2019-02-13T19:46:54+00:00

I don't like giving advice to my friends.

I feel like a bit of a smug ass hat while giving advice to them
Just listening to their problems generally makes them feel better.
They're smart people, they'll figure it out.

And most my friends also see alot of value in being single, seeing what's out there and dating different people is so much fun! Maybe that's the best advice to give them: stay positive!

OfDogsandRoses · 2019-02-13T19:35:57+00:00

I really wish I have or have had an RPW in my life. As a woman who's just turned 30 and has been pretty sheltered due to a ton of medical issues my entire life, I've had little to no contact with any men that weren't family. Grew with a single mother whose very set in her ways and is dominant by nature. I'm fairly certain I have daddy issues on top of this. I'm working on myself as best I can, exercising, losing the weight my body clings to after so many years of unwellness, changing my diet, finding a skin care routine and hairstyle that compliment me. I know the road ahead is perilous, but I know I need to I what I can for myself until...well until HE finds me.

Throwawaaay1441 · 2019-02-13T18:45:28+00:00

This is the sub mentality in BDSM, those that need a "dom" to guide them.

Similarly there are "Domme" women that belong with men that like to be guided in their home life. You'd he surprised that some senior VP types and CEOs are looking to take some time off from "guiding" when it comes to their home life.

Look up BDSM lifestyles and you'll find yourself fitting into the "bottom," "submissive," "baby girl" type. Men and women that classify themselves as that prefer someone to make all major decisions for them. Different strokes for different folks.

Not all women or men are like that. To each their own. Just Look at what Oprah did with her life.

TheBunk_TB · 2019-02-13T18:07:02+00:00

Although I don't have a big background with this; I have been told two reasons why it is hard for ladies to say this kind of stuff to other ladies.

(1) Competition: Internalized concerns that good advice can benefit someone that can be construed as a competitor.

(2) Difference in communication style/social interaction than what guys do. (Guys might know that a stranger competes with them but we are always looking for tribe members/partners in biz, etc. Ladies might not have a strong grasp of this.)

It isn't always bucking up against the narrative, although unpopular opinions have an uphill battle.

(apologies for grammar,structure,context. Busted hand and off center)

HarshaCity · 2019-02-13T20:59:20+00:00

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

platypus_nebula · 2019-02-13T23:01:31+00:00

Yes, but due to a natural avoidance of conflict I tend to not get into it. My best friend is on and off with a guy who is obviously not Captain material. He was cheating on his ex with her and she didn't find out until well into the relationship through his grandma of all people. They both don't have kids yet thank goodness.

We had couple's game night and the difference between them and my interactions with my boyfriend was like night and day playing Monopoly. They bickered over turns constantly and began fighting over unrelated issues like who bought what in the house. He called her a bitch multiple times in front of us and was needlessly aggressive (big ego chest thumping). My boyfriend thought it was ridiculous and uncalled for.

She's quite a looker. She's a tiny blonde with big doe eyes. She could still snag a decent man at 28, and I do let her know that she could get a man she respects. Unfortunately she has an adversarial and contrary attitude toward men in general and her favorite past time is to talk smack about her boyfriend and the "incompetence" of men in general. In response, I usually listen and nod, but make sure to add something positive my boyfriend did or said in contrast to her complaining.

I already know that a good man isn't going to put up with her attitude for long, and her current jerk of a bf is the type of man she attracts with her abrasive behavior. Her other friends are dysfunctional single moms so I try to be a good influence but at this point I have to let her experience the full weight of her choices.

International_Aioli · 2019-02-14T00:00:09+00:00

I find it hard to watch some of my closer friends struggle in their relationships so much. They are mostly coupled up, but not happily and the men largely won't commit in the way the women want them to. They have issues with conflict and lack of sex and lack of romance.

I try to be a good listener and friend but it can be dangerous to give relationship advice unless asked. When I am asked, I always talk about how I handle things, not how I think they should handle things. It is a subtle but important difference. Beyond that there is little you can do.

Unfortunately feminism promotes the concept that all women are exactly perfect just the way they are and anyone who says otherwise is a misogynist. For anyone to change anything (man or woman) they have to take responsibility for their actions and realize first and foremost that they need to make a change. Without that first lightbulb moment no advice will penetrate the surface anyway.

Hammocknapping · 2019-02-13T18:18:54+00:00

No. I don’t have time to worry about the love lives (or lack there of) of others.

If a friend asks for advice, I give them my honest opinion. If they don’t like it or accept it, that’s their issue and not mine.

Maybe look into finding a new hobby. Knitting, coloring, painting, yoga are all good relaxing ideas.

MissPrissySunshine · 2019-02-13T17:49:19+00:00

No, I don’t feel sorry for those who haven’t found their captain, especially if they’re middle age, disgruntled female. I’ve met at least a few bitter women and I know exactly why they’re single. I can’t help them so I don’t worry about it.

I have to disagree with equality. Men and women are complement. We aren’t equal and we can’t be equal.

collectijism · 2019-02-13T18:59:33+00:00

How do we talk to friends that are doing everything wrong but doing what society tells them. I will answer this with Terrence Mckena quotes.

We have to create culture, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your universe, and if you’re worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are disempowered, you’re giving it all away to icons, icons which are maintained by an electronic media so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion, and what is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And we are told ‘no’, we’re unimportant, we’re peripheral. ‘Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that.’ And then you’re a player, you don’t want to even play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that’s being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world.”

Culture is not your friend, it’s an impediment to understanding what’s going on. That’s why the words cult and culture have a direct relationship to each other. Culture is an extremely repressive cult that leads to all kinds of humiliation and degradation, and automatic, unquestioned and unthinking behaviour.”

Culture is not your friend. Culture is for other people’s convenience and the convenience of various institutions, churches, companies, tax collection schemes, what have you. It is not your friend. It insults you. It disempowers you. It uses and abuses you. None of us are well treated by culture.”

“Culture is a perversion. It fetishizes objects, creates consumer mania, it preaches endless forms of false happiness, endless forms of false understanding in the form of squirrelly religions and silly cults. It invites people to diminish themselves and dehumanize themselves by behaving like machines.

When you talk to your friends dont use loaded words like feminism. Waking up from the matrix is so difficult most actually enjoy being lockedin sadness and pain and heartache its all they know its all they are familiar with. Its why psychiatry is moving to mushrooms mdma and ketamine to attempt to open new pathways into the mind to attempt to unlock the synapses from being trapped in these dark vicious never ending cycles of self inflicted pain.

I think the best way to achieve this is to go dark for about 2 years or 1 year minimum. Go an entire year without watching a single commercial not one. No cable television no twitter no facebook no pinterest no online dating. They need a complete unplug to be able to take the time to find themsleves. Outside of the influence of others is a scary place to be for many. Its alot like trying to get a junky to care about living a long time you have to get them clean first which usually means removing them from their toxic environment first. Before you work on them as a person and their life as a whole they have to be clean first.

MissNietzsche · 2019-02-13T20:55:57+00:00

The best gift you can give them is introducing them to the pill. Whether or not they swallow it is another deal entirely and not your responsibility, but even introducing them to it would mean wonders.

EosMermaidGoddess · 2019-02-13T20:30:39+00:00

I feel bad for the people in my life - men and women - who havent found their other half if theyre a high quality person.

My dad is 53, Caucasian, bald but his head is round so it looks good: -in great shape for his age -adventurous as hell. he loves SCUBA diving, he studies Spanish, goes to Meetups including a Spanish speaking meetup and a small dog owners meetup. -also loves kayaking, going to the beach -Christian but not practicing as in we dont go to church but he'd be willing to go again and he still believes in God and prays.

His issue is that a lot of the women his age are either gold diggers- they assume that his vacations mean hes rich when the reality is that we are lower middle class citizens and hes just great at budgeting. OR they are insane liberal feminists. My dad is only divorced because my mom is a psychopath that is a pathological liar and a serial adulterer.

My boyfriends friend Dan is 25, not bald. Hes Chinese-American and good looking. All of my lady friends think hes cute.

He works out regularly and has muscles -Loves sports -is a great cook, hes the grill man at all the parties -is an engineer at FCA and has his own house. he loves to throw get togethers for our friend group (wholesome get togethers, not lets get shit faced parties lol)

His problem is that hes pretty short (like 5'2") and is also shy. But he is looking for a serious relationship. For him, its just hard to meet a girl thats looking for something serious and he struggles to get a good conversation going at first.

But hey, if any of you ladies happen to be in the Metro Detroit area and either of these awesome men sound like a catch feel free to message me or reply to this comment and I'll message you! Lol. Both men are pro-gun rights, just FYI so you'll always be safe with them.

henryblazer · 2019-02-13T19:57:18+00:00

Knew a woman just like this, upsetand hoplessthat she will neve rmet a good man to marry, 34 yrs old, is afraid of being alone at 40. I told her i liked her and she knows im ready to settle down and start a family.

She freindzoned me. SMDH