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Building PowerBehavioral Loops (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime

The Slump

A few years ago I hit a period of abundance and prosperity. I sold my business, took an extended break and decided it was time to enjoy myself. I had just bought myself a new place and didn't have to roll out of bed if I didn't want to, things were really looking up. What I wasn't aware of at the time, was that this would be the catalyst for one of the biggest slumps of my life.

Prior to all this I was relentlessly diligent. I woke up at 6AM every day, worked out, worked, meditated, read, cooked and cleaned and went to bed on time. I built my business through dedication, hard work, commitment and a single minded approach. Friends and family were in awe of my work ethic. I had set myself a goal and I achieved it, I was right where I wanted to be. I sold up, got out and looked ahead to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Upon my newfound freedom, I could spend my time doing whatever the hell I wanted. I traveled for a period before heading home and settling in. When I did, I had nothing in particular to work towards. There were no real responsibilities or tasks for the day that needed completing, no strict deadlines and almost no work. In the beginning I'd still wake up early, do my daily routines but over time they slowly started to slip.

I started rolling out of bed at 11. I started to skip gym days, I started to skip meditation days and I started to leave my shit lying around for days on end. I had so much time on my hands that I thought with every task that came up, what's the rush, I can do it later, and so I did. This became progressively worse as time went on.

With no clear direction of where I was going or what I was working towards I filled my days with going out, smoking weed, poker, video games, shitty food and porn. I think part of it was a hectic release after years of intense work and part of it was me simply over indulging. I started to feel like crap, I was cloudy, bogged down and unmotivated for pretty much anything. From a previously upbeat, confident individual, I was unrecognizable.

Eventually, an opportunity came along that really interested me. It resonated with my every fiber and I wanted to give it a crack. The time had come to put all this lounging around behind me and put my head down, there was just one issue....I could not bring myself to do it. Every time I wanted to get going I'd flake. I absolutely wanted to do the project, but when push came to shove I'd end up playing more video games, smoking a little more weed and fucking around some more. Its like there was some sort of wall between me and productivity, combined with a spectacular ability to rationalize procrastination.

Introspection

As a previously disciplined work horse, this started to really bug the shit out of me. I had completely lost my work ethic. What happened? What changed? I took a step back and did some introspection. I evaluated what was going on with me internally and how it had all gone to shit.

The first, obvious point that stood out was my complete lack of direction during my funemployment. I was floating around from one day to the next without much thought as to where it was all going. I had no goals or plans and this allowed me to hit cruise-mode. I was left to be drawn to whatever cheap in the moment, feel good dopamine hits were available. I never had to suppress my short term desires because there were no long term consequences for doing so, or so I thought.

What this spawned over time was an instant gratification machine built for short term satisfaction. I started making short term choices and it formed an insidious habit which had become an ingrained operating system. Then, when I had to execute a long term project that required discipline, attention and a delayed reward center, I was simply unable to do it. The habits I had built were simply in congruent with executing a successful long term project.

I realized the only way to get my mojo back was to breakdown my cancerous habitual loops while building up positive ones once again. I put together a plan for the coming weeks that I would try and stick to. I started exceptionally small and progressively built myself up. I wanted to make it simple, I wanted to make it manageable, but most of all I wanted it to stick.

Course Correction

First, I started waking up a bit earlier every week. First at 9AM, then 8:30AM, then 8AM, and so on. I started smoking less weed, going from daily puff ups to every second day, to just one day a week. I cut back on playing video games, from 3 hours a day in the first week, to 2 hours a day the second week to one hour to every second day etc. You get the idea.

While this was going on, I began to incorporate and build up some more positive habits. I started meditating again. 5 minutes everyday for a week, then 6 the next, then 7, then 8. I started to gym more diligently, twice a week, then 3 times, then 4, then 5. I started to read everyday again, 10 pages a day for the first week, 15 pages a day the second week, 20 pages a day the third week and so on.

Over the course of the next few months my entire life routine began to change. I slowly but surely started to burn the bad habits while simultaneously sticking to the fruitful ones. Executing anything was hard as shit in the beginning, the resistance was strong. Every time I'd come home the urge to suck in a breathe of dopamine was kicking every corner of my soul, but I stuck to it, I resisted the temptation. Over time it slowly became easier and easier and eventually It got to a point where I barely had to think about it.

Somewhere during this process, I started to feel more energized and motivated again. The accomplishments of my small tasks began to snowball. My ventures grew larger and larger until eventually I had made enough of a mind shift to get stuck into my project. I hopped on board and got truly involved. It consumed me and I loved every minute of it. I lead it competently, with passion and direction and today it sits firmly as one of my most successful endeavors.

Summary

I could never have achieved anything of worth trapped by the mindset I had slipped into. My shit mindset only bred and produced more shit. I felt like crap and couldn't propel myself in the direction I wanted. The more concerning issue is that my slump mirrors the upbringing and lifestyle of millions of millenials and Gen Z's. A lifestlye of abundant comfort, with excess availability of cheap dopamine hits while baron of any meaningful direction.

What this leads to is hordes of men hitting adulthood incapable of competing. They feel shit, empty and devoid of any purpose and don't have a clue how to fix it. They haven't built the tools, they haven't built the habits and they haven't built the routines. This leaves them stuck in an endless rut of porn, social media and job hopping.

I was fortunate enough to have a prior, successful blueprint to pull myself out of my slump, but for most youngsters today they're simply stumbling through the dark and the ones who aren't are too dependent on quick fix's to make anything stick.

If you want to make meaningful change, you have to be in it for the long haul, you've got to do it from the bottom up. You've got to have a plan and you've got to stick to it. You have to break down your shitty habits and build up new ones, slowly, over a long period, one step at a time. There are no shortcuts, it will take years, but the pay off is a lifetime of abundance and prosperity because you've built a disciplined, effective, well oiled machine that works for you. We are what we repeatedly do.

Lessons

  • Cognitive Retraining - My process was a form of therapy, breaking down negative patterns and building up more positive patterns in their place.
  • Goals - They are your beacon in the distance. They're the reason you endure a bit of shit today, because you know it has a pay off down the line. Without them you'll be gripping at short term satisfaction time and time again.
  • Habits - You are the sum total of all your habitual loops. The more we engage in these habits, the more dependent on them we become, the harder it becomes to alter. This is why it's vitally important to build up habits that aid your goals instead of inhibiting them.
  • Routines - Your various habits that you engage in throughout the day become your overall daily routine. Your daily routine is your comfort zone, your repeatable operating practice. You want to ensure you're engaging in a routine that directs you towards where you want to be. The longer you stray, the harder and more uncomfortable it will be to divert yourself back onto a favorable path.
  • Small Changes - Cold Turkey may work for some, but I personally prefer to slowly make changes. It makes the entire process more manageable and reduces the odds of a full relapse. You build up your foundations slowly while your neural pathways adjust.
  • Patience - Changes take time. As long as it took you to get into bad habits, it will take you just as long if not longer to get out. There will be days of struggles and difficulty along the way, but that is where your goals come into effect, it's the resource that fuels the fire that keeps you on track.
  • Feelz- Human beings are built to compete, our desire to rise is our fuel. As we grow and conquer further we feel more accomplished, competent and powerful. While I lounged around, I was losing ground and I felt it, I was empty. When I got the ball rolling again, I had a direction and a purpose. It lit a fire inside of me that brought my life meaning.

[–]Modredpillschool[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (13 children)

Also, check your T and make sure you're getting enough Vitamin D (D3 orally, or daylight) and K2.

SAD and low test can hurt motivation.

[–]viral0998 113 points114 points  (1 child)

This is why I love this community.

[–]raoko 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We’re all here to help or learn. Love it

[–]horuspill 232 points233 points  (23 children)

Great post. Stories like these are ten thousand times more important than a FR about someone getting touched in the forearm by a HB7.675.

This is the path to success, and if anyone comes here just to get laid: bad news for you, but if you aren't succesful as a male, you're fucked.

[–]jalapenotrp 41 points42 points  (0 children)

This morning, I was thinking of unplugging from this community for the same reason, too many teenagers posting shit lately, and then you get a post like this and realize putting up with the teenies is worthwhile. Lol.

[–]Mangasbzo7 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I pretty much have stopped reading field reports period. Once you've read one story about a guy bragging that a HB7.675 touched his forearm you've read them all

[–]FatmanO 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Theres actually a story about that?

[–]Svenrolic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unlikely, but some guy was bragging that he whiteknighted while some guy was poorly trying to AMOG him, trying to hamster that into AMOG behavior being toxic.

[–]NoOneMatters 11 points12 points  (0 children)

anyone that has had pussy before can tell you it won't solve your problems. its not bragging about getting laid. its about an actual solution that guys come here for.

[–]ArdAtak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stories like these are ten thousand times more important than a FR about someone getting touched in the forearm by a HB7.675

LOL! I just spit my coffee all over my monitor.

[–]odaklanan_insan -1 points0 points  (3 children)

TRP is still a place, where you learn how to get laid. The main course of TRP is developing a sexual success strategy.

I liked this post too. But it doesn't mean I wanna become an enlightened celibate guru...

This post doesn't represent TRP on it's own. It significantly adds to it, that's right. So, Anyone who wants to unplug, go ahead and unplug.

Actually, that's what you should have been doing in the first place, instead of spending all your time reading this subreddit...

I visit time to time, to read the top rated posts and go back to hands-on xp. Only to find some Ghandis whining about how fucking is bad and we should focus on more important things.

Well, thanks bro (!) I would have never thought about that if it wasn't for you.

[–]horuspill 0 points1 point  (2 children)

TRP is still a place, where you learn how to get laid. The main course of TRP is developing a sexual success strategy.

Don't disagree. If i didn't wanted to get laid I would stay at home using drugs.

I liked this post too. But it doesn't mean I wanna become an enlightened celibate guru...

Who said that?

This post doesn't represent TRP on it's own. It significantly adds to it, that's right. So, Anyone who wants to unplug, go ahead and unplug.

Yea.

Actually, that's what you should have been doing in the first place, instead of spending all your time reading this subreddit...

I visit time to time, to read the top rated posts and go back to hands-on xp. Only to find some Ghandis whining about how fucking is bad and we should focus on more important things.

Well, thanks bro (!) I would have never thought about that if it wasn't for you.

Doesn't even make sense. Read my post again you dummy. Text interpretation is important, specially when you try to engage someone via it.

[–]odaklanan_insan -1 points0 points  (1 child)

haha..

If my comment offends you, it means you still don't get it.

If you wanna have success with women, you have to approach women. There's no alternative ways. Success, money, fame... None of these will help your game. Stop being a pussy and game women. It's not like you won't have any "me time" left...

[–]horuspill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

haha..

If my comment offends you, it means you still don't get it.

Not offended

If you wanna have success with women, you have to approach women. There's no alternative ways. Success, money, fame... None of these will help your game. Stop being a pussy and game women. It's not like you won't have any "me time" left...

Where did you read me saying not to approach?

[–]redvelvet_oreo 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Great post I hope this gets alot of upvotes because this is really important to understand. Im currently in the process of breaking bad habits and getting back into my workhorse mode. The last year I worked like crazy and decided to chill out the last few months doing the bare minimum and then took an extended vacation.

I cut out drinking. Im still going to the gym. My biggest issue is getting back into studying.

I find it harder to get back into things if you done them already. I use to study for hours with ease and now its like my brain muscle atrophied and I now need to start all over again. Its like not going to the gym for 3 years and starting with just the bar mentally. I been studying 30 mins every other day. By next month I intent be back to at least an hour a day and take some certifications.

What you said about younger people is so true I made a post about something similar. The biggest issue with younger people is they never developed a way of doing anything yet and struggle and find the quick hits of dopamine. They are so lost and cant find a way out. There are no shortcuts in life.

Great stuff man glad to see your back on the saddle.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, good luck with rise, stick to it.

[–]1WarriorMonkMode 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Same shit for me, bud. "Funemployment" is exactly right.

Your bills still get paid without doing the same work that it took to get there.

Humans were designed to expend the least amount of calories in pursuit of calories. This would make a lot more sense in the world our ancestors grew up in, where dinner wasn't guaranteed.

The single best way to deal with this for me is to always be hungry versus having a full belly.

When you're hungry, you want to do shit to take your mind off of the hunger.

When you're relaxing with a full belly, nothing has urgency.

Of course, this strictly doesn't apply to food. As you said, it's all instant gratification versus deferral of gratification.

If you don't have a drive for something, you don't have any wind in your sails.

[–]Howdoiusesync 2 points3 points  (0 children)

very underrated comment. To ask you simply if one would want to improve in monk mode the reason would be not indulging in instant gratification such as porn, fast food, drugs and other things around that source?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Its an interesting perspective.

Read something recently that said right after food, your dopamine centers fire far less, as they have just been satiated, meaning there's far less reason to chase a dopamine reward.

Dopamine being the reward center it would make sense that when hungry, one would be far more motivated to obtain a release.

[–]1WarriorMonkMode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sex and hunger are the great motivators of mankind, so it only makes sense.

[–]pragmaticminimalist 18 points19 points  (1 child)

one of the best posts on the board in awhile. Beware of the perils of "funemployment" It's a journey-not a destination & you have shared a fantastic story of resetting. This is a great model of perseverance and the power of positive mental attitude. Chapeau OP!

[–]Flpgneves 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Life without meaningful action and purpose is the worst thing any human being can experience.

[–]Dash_of_islam 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep, retirees experience a lot of mental difficulty as a result

[–]Trenned_out 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good stuff OP. Gone through some similar things myself and really the gradual incorporation of better habits is HUGE. People burn themselves out going balls to the wall instantly, attempting perfection can be the enemy of progress.

Also like the emphasis on "loops." I've thought about this often in terms of positive and negative feedback loops we fall into. That's why it's so important to get that one positive thing to break you out of a slump, it makes the next easier, and soon you are firing on all cylinders again, a nice rotation of plates, killing it in the gym, being diligent with work etc. This is also why negative feedback loops are so tough, I was gradually broken down over a year and a half with basically every area of my life crash and burn (only positive was still hitting the gym consistently, was I maintained all muscle and only gained a little fat).

I used this rock bottom period to do some intense introspection and truly believe I made some big gains in my perspective, thought process, appreciation for life and in mental toughness. However, despite this inner improvement, with no positive feedback coming from the outside world, it didn't feel like much progress. Just mental fortitude to reframe the negativity of my life to make it bearable and trudge on.

Then I got a job offer in the city I'd wanted to move to for some time. Got here, started a new job which isn't long term what I plan to do but is a huge step in that direction, started getting my once superior social skills back up to par, even little steps socializing with coworkers or others at the gym, started getting dates, retaining plates etc....

I can solidly say after 6 weeks in this new place, the positive feedback loop has been feeding into the already positive thought process I'd been forced to establish during the darkest period of my life.

I share my experience not to make this about me, but to give an example that maybe someone struggling similarly to where I was can look at this and apply some of it to their situation and see if it's helpful.

Anybody who feels like the world is crashing in on them and it's hopeless, it's not, you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but forcing yourself to move forward regardless is one of the most admirable things a person can do, and it's necessary as a man. I'm no expert but always open to talk via PM about this kind of stuff.

[–]bright-morningstar 9 points10 points  (2 children)

If anyone seriously wants to change, improve, transcend their sense of "self", like behaviors, addictions, habits, the way you think, the way you talk. The "Mindfulness" is like the red-pill of self-actualization. Not the new-age bullshit fad, where people cry "just be in the present" and escape from life, but the real "Mindfulness"(the true Buddhist influenced Mindfulness the Buddha taught) will help for those seek to change themselves, and it will be much easier than will-powered, forcefully trying to change yourself.

Edit: Please consider this whole Meditation, Mindfulness stuff. I once was in a same place like you do, these stuff makes you invincible to the external grips and attachments like the stuff you mention so you can break the fucking shackles from their imprisonment. Good luck.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Relevant, my meditation practice was centered around mindfulness, helped me control my mind and thoughts far more competently.

[–]Mojiitoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any recommended link or source for your method of meditation?

[–]dontbethatguynow 11 points12 points  (3 children)

This may just be the best post I've seen on here in years. Very well written and insightful, perhaps because i can identify with your situation as well. The best part, it didn't mention women once. I'd give gold if i could. Until then have an up vote

[–]UnderneathTheGun 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This may just be the best post.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, appreciate the feedback.

[–]Master_Elrond 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Great post, further to above, "that which gets measured gets managed." I've been tracking my daily habits via an Excel spreadsheet for 7 weeks now. It now takes zero mental energy to get to bed on time, train, read, chores etc. Consistency over intensity ppl. Consistency over intensity.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You see it so often, people dieting, or gyming. They fly in guns blazing and burn out a short while later.

Instead, rather steadily build the right habits, slow changes that stick.

[–]Xx_Squall_xX 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I experienced a very similar thing and have been in the 'lost unsure phase' for too long.

Thanks for the great read, and a path toward pulling myself back up.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck bro, stick to it.

[–]theunconquored 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I could have almost written this same post word for word. Instead of selling a business, I hired employees and trained them to run it for me, then stepped out and cut back to about 2-3 hours/week of time investment.

I've said since I was a child that I wanted to be "retired" when I grew up. I saw my parents working themselves to the bone for 40, 50, and 60 hours a week. I wanted to enjoy my life and my time, and I worked my ass off until I could essentially retire at the age of 36 with a significant passive income.

I too, like /u/KeffirLime found myself unmotivated and unable to regain my drive after a while, and I'm only now starting to come back out of it a couple of years later. I know what I want to be doing with my time and my life, but I just could not get myself to move forward.

The thing that I'd like to add is that for me, I needed to start winning again. I needed to look around and find something I could do and just do it. No matter how insignificant it seemed. Just accomplishing almost anything was helpful as I started to re-learn how to work. Clean out a junk drawer. Organize something. Build something. Celebrate the victories over your inner bitch.

The biggest lesson I learned, and that I'd pass along to anyone who contemplates early retirement or "funemployment" is that comfort is a hard habit to break. Inertia is real...if you make a habit of inaction, you'll find action almost impossible. You won't be fulfilled by having nothing to do, as much as you look forward to the opportunity to have complete freedom over your time.

By all means, pursue freedom, do everything you want to do with your life. But when you get there, put that energy into something else meaningful right away. Don't become a complacent little bitch, as much as you want to. Celebrate, take a vacation, then get to work again. If you don't have another project, create one. Volunteer. Anything. Just don't stop moving.

Great post, thanks for writing it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I had a very similar scenario, with my parents busting their asses off, even into their old age. I vowed I would enjoy my life when I could.

What I found out was that enjoyment and stagnation are incongruent.

Appreciate the feedback, glad to see you for back on the saddle.

[–]theunconquored 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s very well put. I took a master level Neuro Linguistic Programming course last fall and really understood some of my own hangups and limiting beliefs about work.

I came to the realization that fulfillment and contentment come from taking responsibility, and that I needed more responsibility if I wanted more fulfillment.

My parents had lots of responsibility and were actually pretty happy even though they had little control over their own time. But they were not content or fulfilled. They always wanted something they didn’t have. The work itself wasn’t authentic to them, it was just what they did for money.

So, my working theory is that the maximum fulfillment for me will come when I have lots of responsibility to do meaningful work that is in line with my own authentic self.

[–]Wabbajak 4 points5 points  (0 children)

TL;DR: Pursue a meaningful life.

Meaning: an experience is meaningful when it is related positively to a person's goals. Life has meaning when we have a purpose that justifies our strivings, and when experience is ordered.

Anomie = lack of rules. A state in which it is no longer clear what to achieve and what to refrain from, where it is no longer clear what is permitted and what is not. There are no clear goals to strive towards, or what to focus your attention to. Behavior becomes erratic and meaningless.

Alienation: In many ways the opposite. A state in which people are constrained a plethora of rules, overwhelmed by restrictions and are forced to act in ways that go against their goals.

These two extremes are the two main obstacles in striving towards a meaningful life. Anomie leads to anxiety, alienation leads to boredom. The first is the fragmentation of attentional processes, while the latter is its escessive rigidity. You indulge in meaningless, self-destructive short-term pleasure when you are overwhelmed by anxiety, you repeat meaningless, dull and dictated tasks. In both cases you do not strive towards any higher goal. Only movement between these two extremes provides an individual with meaning.

Meaning is achieved when the set of rules is clear but not too strict and you are able to pursue long-term goals. In many ways, this concept is similar to the conept of flow:

When the rules are clear and your skills appropriate for a demanding task, you reach a state of flow. Optimal experience which provides a sense of achievement and accomplishment.

When there is nothing to strive towards/no challenge you are bored and without direction and purpose.

When the challenge is too hard, you afraid and don't dare to work towards your goals.

[–]netflix_binge 5 points6 points  (0 children)

this is great. that's why i always feel shitty after a vacation. it's hard getting back to the daily drudgeries of life - waking up early, working out, eating right, etc... after you've been partying it up in vegas for a week.

[–]Wenzel-Dashington 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Great post but how did you cut back on smoking weed so easily? For me, it's either all or nothing. When I try to do every other day or only at night etc, my brain is good at rationalizing and soon it's "oh it's only wake and bake, this will get your day started (it doesn't)" or "oh you had a long day time to relax"

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

My goal was never to quit weed per se, it was to build a successful project, quitting weed was just a barrier between me and that. You need to give yourself a bigger, more meaningful reason to cut out weed.

From there, cut back slowly, and steadily. Push for weekends only, then once a week while simultaneously working towards your end goal.

Once you've gained enough momentum, made progress, the thought of smoking weed will be painful, you'll know it comes at a cost that you're no longer willing to pay.

[–]Kayyam 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Tips on eating well enough ? It takes a ton of energy to shop and cook when you are in the stupid cycle you mentionned.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah, can be draining and time consuming.

I got back into gym, which meant eating right came with it as a package deal.

I'd cook bulk for the next couple days. Ate the same thing 3 nights in a row, but only had to cook twice a week, ate out once a week as a treat.

[–]Philosophipster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been doing this as well since half a year. Sundays are all about cooking for the rest of the week's dinners and Saturdays are cheat days.

I discussed this with people at work and they looked at me funny. Some don't do it because they don't like eating the same food/dinner two days in a row. Some because they don't like heated frozen food. Others because they have kids, of course.

For some reason I never had an issue with something like eating identical meals a few days in a row. Not sure if that's because eating 'nice food' is not a priority in my life, or because I simply don't see the point in spending so much time cooking every day if it's just good fuel for work(ing out) and leisure time.

It reminded me of this adage: "I don't live to work, I work to live." Similarly, I feel like "I eat to live, I do not live to eat".

Out of curiosity: How do you experience the effort of changing or maintaining your cooking/eating habits, compared to say reduction of smoking weed or lifting? And do you keep recipes repetitive and simple (5-7 ingredients), while you vary in other meals, or do you just mix it up every week or day? Thanks in advance :)

[–]Captain_Quick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think with the all or nothing mindset, you just really have to do nothing. And frequently remind yourself that it's worth not doing in the long run.

[–]Zech4riah 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You are one of the ECs whose posts keep resonating with my thoughts.

There is enough advice what to do and how things are but there is far less advice/information what to expect on the journey and how to deal with (emotional) problems on the journey. This post fills the gap a bit.

I'm on the phase where I'm tempted to step into cruise-mode but I've kind of felt or seen the dangers of it and this posts reinforces the fact that I can't switch to cruise mode to "gather the crop" even though I wanted to.

  • Man must have short term goals to make things trackable and to feel achievement
  • Man must have long term goals which you gotta work hard for and there is something bigger to achieve whenever you "run out of smaller goals"
  • There should be also a life long mission which you can't exactly achieve or complete. This is the core and keeps you going. Goals come and go, they are milestones but they are required for tracking and measuring your improvement.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bang on, avoid the cruise mode, its harder to escape than we think, keep building steadily.

Appreciate the feedback.

[–]Philosophipster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unsolicited advice incoming:

It might help to make a to-do list if you're down on motivation or missing some positive feedback. I still do this every day since I started in a different direction. Just silly things like 'make the bed', 'meditate 5 minutes', 'take out the garbage', 'do laundry', 'LIFT', 'buy groceries'. Even if it's routine, but specifically if it is not yet routine.

It's hard to start to do new things, but it's even harder if you have nothing or no one to tell you you're doing a great job or are achieving your short term markers/goals. That's what men do, we motivate ourselves!

The positive feedback of being able to strike or tick it off a list, is immensely satisfying for me at least. Also gives the ability to track my activity/productivity and small tasks. I usually make a preliminary to-do list just before bed, so I don't go to sleep with thoughts like: "I should NOT forgot to do task 1, task 2, task 3, ad infinitum, tomorrow."

Hope it helps :)

[–]modAutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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[–]Eldudearino89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the share. Can relate to you on the selling business feeling pointless vibe. However, reading this helps remain on track, and I hope you remain on track too!

[–]krimpenrik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quality post mate, really recognisable.

[–]park_south 0 points1 point  (1 child)

great post my man, resonates with me. Went through a similar situation. Keeping established good habits is a lot easier than building them back up from nothing.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man, appreciate the feedback, keep killin it.

[–]SoulRedemption 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Great post. Applicable advise and broken down nicely.

Any "tricks" for keeping on, on the changes when the procrastination comes knocking?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, I used to picture the most idealistic version of myself. Jacked, productive, energetic and motivated.

I built a habit of picturing that every time I didn't want to do something. I thought, what would that person do? Would he leave this for later?

End goals help, as they're the reason you do what you have to do and it has to be something you really want. Every time you procrastinate it slips further through your fingers.

[–]MartyMcfly2046 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What you said here is what Tyson Fury, the world heavy weight boxing champion talked about on Joe Rogan's podcast. After achieving what he worked for all his life he went into a deep depression, at one point trying to kill himself by driving his Ferrari off a cliff. Check that podcast.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've seen it, exact same mechanism playing out, glad to see he's back.

[–]555WeWolf 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My god, the first half of this was like reading an article i wrote myself, just on a bit of a smaller scale instead of a full on business and a couple of years work. Last year i was at the height of my productivity, i was a part of a project that lasted a couple of months, in the executive board of a student organisation, passing my exams, going to the gym, reading, getting up on time and keeping a decent social life.

In the last 7 months, about when all of that work got finished, i can not recognize myself, every bit of productivity i had just vanished. I started staying up late, getting up at 12 or even 1 in the afternoon. Spent 70% of my time playing video games, stopped going to the gym frequently, and stopped reading. I am still "recovering" from this even tho i don't even really know what actually happened.

For some reason this post inspired me to try and get back on track again, i will definitely try the tips you gave up, staring with getting up earlier tomorrow. Wish you all the luck on your journey.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the slump after a peak, once you achieve what you set out to achieve, motivation burns out, gotta set yourself new peaks and build up steadily, good luck bro!

[–]Svenrolic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. This is the content I was missing. Content that helps boys/men become better men.

Cheers.

[–]Infla-mood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sidebar worthy material right here.

[–]NormalAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just what I need. I really fell off the wagon over Xmas: bust up my knee and had a holiday at the same time so I really let myself go- hanging around the house doing jack except eating and hitting the yuletide booze.

Recovery is slow steps but it will happen- ( might have to kick the Premiership football ambitions into touch though...)

[–]cufflad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post.

I'm building a business right now, and often project myself into the future: "I can't wait to cash out and just chill out living 'the life'".

I then realize that even if I were rich, but didn't have any ambition, or a mission, I wouldn't be attractive and wouldn't be happy.

Never ending I guess..

[–]unknownsapient 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is these kinds of posts are what keeps me coming back to this sub. I wanted and expected TRP to have more posts like these. Thanks For the great post OP.

[–]Lefeudufou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well written and thought out, thank you.

I'm currently in a slump and have been for a while.

While adjusting my diet I noticed that I am more/less effective at work depending on what and when I eat.
It's incredible to realise that biochemistry, and by extension brain chemistry plays a big part in WHO you are.

Post of the month.

[–]TrueShadow97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every great path begins with small steps.

As they say, sow a deed - reap a habit.
Sow a habit - reap a character.
Sow a character - reap a destiny.

Cold turkey is always the hardest method to break your habits unless you have destroyed every excuse you could use to lapse back into them. The only vice of mine I was able to break like that and still haven't turned back is porn.

Btw, those of you who struggle with ditching porn, try watching some pornstar meltdown compilations (the stuff where they get psychic breakdowns right during the filming because they get fed up with what they're made to do). That's bound to help if you're no stranger to empathy.

[–]frycry66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much hour of sleep you get, i've heard that proper sleep does wonders in your lifestyle

[–]1sezamus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would add a fair amount of sleep and good sleep routine (going to bed at the same hour more or less). Most of you guys are sleep deprivated and this is like being drunk all the time.

[–]Selfishaltruist181 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of what Jordan Peterson said in his book. He was going on about a guy who's goal in life was "to be able to get point where he could just drink martini's on the beach everyday". He put aptly by saying "if you have any sense of all, after a week of this you feel disgusting". Men need something to do, we need something to aim for, if we dont have anything we will die, literally. They found that men who retire younger die younger.

sources: http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.484.1149&rep=rep1&type=pdf

[–]SKRedPill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your story proves one thing I suspected myself -- almost no one has the capability to consciously handle total freedom in any high value manner. Hence the need to maintain an energetic tension within that keeps you going.

Well, now that you fell down and came back up, you'll be able to do this with an added awareness that wasn't there before when the goals alone were enough to motivate you.

[–]ArdAtak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent write up. I've gone through periods of immense productivity and stagnation as well. I look back and chalk it up to age, naivete', circumstances, etc.

You hit on something I've been pondering a lot:

he more concerning issue is that my slump mirrors the upbringing and lifestyle of millions of millenials and Gen Z's. A lifestlye of abundant comfort, with excess availability of cheap dopamine hits while baron of any meaningful direction. What this leads to is hordes of men hitting adulthood incapable of competing. They feel shit, empty and devoid of any purpose and don't have a clue how to fix it. They haven't built the tools, they haven't built the habits and they haven't built the routines. This leaves them stuck in an endless rut of porn, social media and job hopping. I was fortunate enough to have a prior, successful blueprint to pull myself out of my slump, but for most youngsters today they're simply stumbling through the dark and the ones who aren't are too dependent on quick fix's to make anything stick.

This is what I'm currently battling against with my son. I'm trying t teach him grit, drive, & accountability. He works hard when he's asked to but never initiates shit on his own. He's a good athlete but I feel I had to drag him, kicking and screaming, to success but he wouldn't have come even 1% of the way on his own. I'm tired of trying to motivate his. He has zero drive, zero good habits, zero coachability. Not sure how to instill these values in him. Everything he needs is a click away on his phone or xbox.

[–]KillaJewels 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome post, probably the best I've seen on TRP. What's unique about your post, OP, is that we can feel the humility in your words, which is something very rarely seen in this community (but should be something we all employ). You're emotionally intelligent in self-awareness and cold-reading our generations also. We need more quality posts like this.

One thing I'll add is that we may want to consider what works for our individual personalities. For example, my blueprint is that I never backdown from a challenge, and I love a good challenge. So what do I do when I want to add a new habit? Start a 30-day challenge. And then hold myself accountable to myself and others (post in a community, post IG stories, create a written/video journal, use productivity apps, etc). This is what works for me and is what springboarded me into making cold approach a normal behavior. Currently doing one for working out. Highly recommend for those that have similar blueprints.

[–]KanDeMan2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fantastic Post....Thank You!

I'm a weak lil bitch when it comes to this.....I have a good job making 150K plus, but I find myself taking days off and procrastinating way too often because I have the luxury of making my own schedule...It's going to catch up with me soon and they are going to can my ass...

It takes me back to the old saying "Don't wait for motivation....cultivate discipline". Easier said than done for sure...but oh so important.

[–]critlub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is great book on this subject - "Breaking out of homeostatis" by Ludvig Sunstrom. Concept behind it is quite simple - in modern world almost everyone live in a state o homeostatis, which is simply speaking "power saving mode". Your brain will do everything to stay in this mode unless there are some environmental factors like hunger or danger. In other words, we all live in constant summer. Every idea of lifting, cold showers, meditation, intermittent fasting etc., is a mean to break out of homeostatis and flip the switch to "full performance mode".

[–]L0nerizm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome post. As someone just starting their career, I have always wondered how it seems so many posts casually mention that they started their own business. I would love to do that one day, but I would just sit down at my computer and say "ok, now what"? How does everyone start?

[–]Philosophipster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, this is amazing to read...

I've experienced a similar slump and just started to get back up again. Spent the last half year just looking back at the last 30 decades of my life, wondering how I got to where I am now, why I am unsatisfied with it and where I want to go with some long term goals along the way (emotional and financial independence).

It's such a weird thing to be without goals though. Specially when you've reached them and don't set new ones. I can correlate the slippery slope of developing and dedicating more time to fast dopamine habits, with having achieved something as well as having given up on being able to achieve something. The latter of course being much more of a negative impact..

The funny thing is I never got stuck in a rut or slump while diligently working towards something I wanted really bad (some sports achievement, study, work, love, etc.) That energy is infectious and motivational in itself if it's not too bumpy a road; it's like a self-powering engine! Since then I've also incorporated the concept of having a direction (like set of principles and rules to live by) instead of having fixed goals as guidelines and anchors. The goals are like signs on the road that goes in the set direction. One step at a time.

I'm writing a book about it (part of the newly formed habits). Partly therapeutic fun, partly for fellow millennials who have time to read. #irony The conclusion also revolves around controlling your habits and having the mental strength and endurance to change them (cliché, I know). Though I've found that the discipline part does not lie in doing my daily routines (habits), it lies in being able to change the daily routine. It's so crazy how simple it sounds compared to how hard it is. That's why movies have montages, I guess.

But damn, if I would have to cram all my thoughts about the process into a succinct blog post, you nailed it. <3

Thanks for the share and hope you can stay on course :)

[–]TruthSeekaaaaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My story is way way different but the underlying problems are the same.

Start to work my ass off again is quite difficult, so I've decided to get some help. My psychoanalisis is great and along with that I've decide to order modafinil. It should help me to focus and it should also elevate my mood, which is quite low right now.

[–]MagnetoWned 0 points1 point  (0 children)

GREAT post. This is spot on. I got out of my first relationship last July after 2 years and I was a fat mess with no purpose. My dream at the time (and still is) to be a top music producer in rap, yet I would spend my entire day with my GF and MAYBE work on a beat once a week. No ambition, and just stuck in absolute shit loops where I tricked myself into thinking I was okay. After my breakup I found AMS, TRP, and intermittent fasting.

All 3 together seriously changed my ENTIRE life around. I never had ANY discipline growing up (I'm 23 now) and my ambition was absolute garbage. I didn't care that I was getting fat, I didn't care that I wasn't really on my purpose, all I cared about were those instant hits. AMS + TRP gave me so much knowledge that I never knew and intermittent fasting changed me physically. I started hitting the gym every other day, then you see the improvements in the mirror, people start complimenting you, etc.

After that my confidence skyrocketed. I went back to school, I started working heavily on beats, etc. Now I'm in school, working in retail, and working HARD on my purpose (music). I can't ever imagine going back to that life I once lived, it disgusts me now. It was very hard bouncing back, but once you do it's worth it 100%. I had multiple rejections thrown at me from women, and blamed THEM instead of MYSELF. Absolutely toxic of me to do that instead of taking responsibility for being an out of shape lazy fuck.

6 months later, the same girl that rejected me ended my sexless drought the other day lol. I've never worked so hard in my life, and coincidentally life has never been better. Everyone should read OP's post multiple times and learn from it, awesome post again

[–]ScoobySquats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I started waking up a bit earlier every week. First at 9AM, then 8:30AM, then 8AM, and so on.

For me, fixing the sleep cycle is the most important habit to fix and remediates quite a lot of problems. For my entire teenage years I never paid quality sleep the respect it deserved, and I definitely suffered as a result. Sleep deprivation definitely drains the color out of your day and leaves you in a permanent fog.

If you can build the discipline to go to bed at a reasonable time before midnight and wake consistenty early, catching 7-8 hours of uninterrupted Z's, I promise your body and mind will thank you. Think of it like all of your stats are maxed out when you wake restfully. Your immune system works efficiently, your skin will look healthy, your memory and acuity razor-sharpened, not to mention elevated confidence. Why the confidence boost?

Because I've personally found the early morning to be the easiest time to get shit done without distractions. Your brain is fresh, the weather outside is dewy and crisp. It's 7AM and it's time to get to work motherfucker.

Having a routine in the wee hours of the morning made up of good habits is actually pretty easy since you're usually alone and have a couple of hours before the day really needs to start. You can plan out your day with a checklist, work on goals, meditate, or work on hobbies. For instance, after my morning ritual I have about 2 hours of free time to work on my side business before my day job.

Get your sleep lads.