Struggling with loss of 10 year LTR

CharlesChadworth · 2019-04-02T03:48:10+00:00

Never understood why guys try to be nice after a break up. Or like in another post where a girl cheated on a dude for him to give her a week to get herself sorted out at his place lol..

Then and there I would tell her to pack her shit now or she will find it out on the porch within 2 hours.

Once the relationship is over you owe her absolutely fucking nothing.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-04-02T09:49:49+00:00

I'm not going to mince words with you. Once you've dealt with your own teenage children, seeing men who act the same way in marriages will not amuse you.

Read- No More Mr Nice Guy.

The issue is you got into an LTR way too soon, before you had lived independently as a man, and had to deal with women's rejections. So you immediately hopped from your biological mom, over to a GF-then-wife who was too eager at first to mother you and play at the housewife. You never had to struggle from an entitled, lazy, dependent teenage boy, to become a contender. For you, this was as good as poison.

> I was honestly trying to work on myself and figure out what was wrong with me so I could give her a happy relationship but nothing worked.

This is exactly how a boy relates to his mother. I hope you realize this. The exact same dynamic.

She can do no wrong in his eyes, obsessed with getting validation and attention from her, always trying to bargain what he sees as his best intentions in exchange for her ocassional approval.

This is not how a captain treats his junior first mate.

You have to understand that she is did you a huge solid by refusing to enable your continued infantilism, this is in fact the greatest gift she could have given you.

The real cruelty is that she didn't do it 4-5 years earlier. Her moving on to a tough, saavy man who treated her like the insecure nervous, bratty, dramatic, irresponsible teenager she secretly sees herself as, this is a huge favor to you. Don't forget it. (I'm not saying women can't be responsible, but they don't like being forced to be there and it goes against the grain for most.)

Remember that for a woman to tolerate continued weakness and immaturity in her sex partner, doesn't serve anyone, especially not him.

Back in the 60's and 70's this kind of problem was solved by an unplanned pregnancy. Nothing like an actual baby to make a woman sick of having to herd a feckless manchild around like another baby, She might have found it mildly charming before she had a real baby to handle..

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-04-02T04:21:03+00:00

Sunk cost fallacy bro. Let the 10 years thing go.

You know what you should do? You should rejoice because you dodged a bullet. Then you should get angry. Sounds like she was controlling and a shrew. She couldn't trust you to do shit. What kind of man could ever flourish in that environment? She definitely didn't respect you, because she didn't let you have your own life. Sounds like there's a cultural element here, so I won't say much about living with your parents, but that probably put a damper on things... I wouldn't be surprised if you had a dead bedroom.

You should get really angry. You should take that anger out on the gym, get strong and fit, get game, and fuck tons of bitches. Nothing fills a woman with regret like seeing her ex flourish. Also, not to add insult to injury, but I guarantee she 100% is using your sadness as ammo for her monologue she's got prepared about how she left you and why.

Stop fueling her fire.

Now that you know what a shitty LTR looks like, go spin plates and have some fun for a while.

PMmethepussay · 2019-04-02T03:21:35+00:00

Don’t take it personal but your story made me throw up. I think it’s because I know I used to be like you and it still amazes me how one can change from a bitch to a chad. Just ride it out it’ll increasingly get better as your squat, bench and deadlift go up

Ballosaurus · 2019-04-02T10:18:52+00:00

You’re not getting a lot of help here and that’s frustrating.

It’s natural to grieve a loss. You may experience a lot of different emotions: I would lookup and be familiar with the Kubler-Ross Model and understand that you may experience some, all, or none of those feelings and in any order.

It may take a long time to feel over it, and that’s okay. You may think you’re progressing and find yourself back at square one. That’s okay too. I would encourage you to seek talk therapy if you feel it would help.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is delete all memories of her from your life and work on yourself. That means LIFT, rediscover the things you enjoy, take yourself out for dinner, movies, feel good shit like that. Further, there’s really no reason to hang around here until you’re seeking new female companionship, and it sounds like that might not be for awhile.

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-04-02T03:00:44+00:00

I gave her closure. That same day she left and went on a trip with her new guy and went back to his hometown and she’s still there.

Super beta.

RedHoodhandles · 2019-04-02T06:30:13+00:00

Welcome to the red pill. Never look back.

smartstarfish · 2019-04-02T06:19:45+00:00

I guess it’s kinda clear what happened.

I’m not judging or attacking you the same thing happened to me.

Both of us got complacent and quit feeling motivated to excel in life and our passions. We ended up being a deadweight for her and she found her way out the door.

The remedy is to just focus whatever energy you can back into what you find important in life. It’s gonna be hard and you’ll want to keep thinking about her. And that’s just how these things go.

Give it lots of time. Especially for a 10year LTR.

Hang in there you’ll grow from this

uwotm891 · 2019-04-02T09:36:12+00:00

You know what happened. She had no respect for you, so she could not love you as the man in her life. As Rollo talks about, there is no relational equity that builds up from a woman’s perspective. You’re probably right that if you would’ve acted differently that you could’ve changed the relationship, but this is only useful for moving forward. Don’t go rooting through the garbage if she tries to come back.

Yashugan00 · 2019-04-02T11:54:03+00:00

You dumb-ass, you'll be kicking yourself for this sentiment in about a year's time.

You should be shouting for joy for your new found freedom.

Best way to get over a breakup: Bang another chick. you'll see, they're mostly the "different but same". You've pedestalised your one-itis too much. Time to get over false gods.

You're like a slave who doesn't know what to do with his freedom and complains his master is no longer there to provide food and shelter.

Tiway22 · 2019-04-02T06:11:59+00:00

My god dude where are your balls? Why are you even still talking to her? Jesus christ.

Kingali19 · 2019-04-02T03:24:36+00:00

I’m not reading that shit, I’m sorry this isn’t hey therapy. Read the rules, get your shit together. Vent to the weights God I wish you guys stop doing this shit.

Ironic_Gangster · 2019-04-02T05:54:22+00:00

Wow. This is sad. I can feel the pain behind your words. Keep your head up and keep working on yourself. It's better to have everything come to an end now rather than waste 10 MORE years of your life on a relationship where you'd have no power. Take what you've learned and move forward. Grieve. Don't become bitter. Go out and have sex with other women. It'll help you forget move on. Block her on social media. Cut her out of your life.

I can remember a time where I could have just as easily been a victim of hypergamy. Thank fuck I learned sooner.

riggedved · 2019-04-02T07:17:15+00:00

When I read your story, it was as though you are speaking on behalf of me. It sounds exactly the same as mine, give or take a few things.

Believe it or not, so many men had come to TRP, looking for answers after heartbreak and absolute destruction of the self, coming out of a long LTR. I am on the same boat too.

Its been an year now since my 4 year LTR ended. I was shredded. I couldn't work. I couldn't enjoy. Every aspect and sphere of my life suffered.

But then, I realised this: a strong man is built from struggling times. And to me, this was the reason I decided to take control of my own life, and take the power back. You've got to do this too. It takes time, and boy oh boy is it hard. This was the jolt I needed. I lost a high SMV girl because I was too damn bluepilled. Maybe it was for the best, as it made me learn some critical lessons about life, and made me look at life in a different way. Looking back, my break up made me the person I am today, much stronger frame, more driven in life.

light-----------dark · 2019-04-02T12:51:13+00:00

you now have a choice . . do you take the red pill, and move forward, or do you stay blue pilled and live happily every after in a fantasy land where NAWALT and unicorns stay put with their one and only?

This will perhaps be one of the hardest points in your life. You’re standing in a mirror facing the the beta you’ve become - you lack confidence, you’re insecure, you have no mission, you feel like you need this woman to live.

What are you going to do?

What gets you up every morning?

What is your mission?

Who are you living this life for?

What is your burning fucking desire?

Choose wisely - your entire future will be a direct reflection of how you decide to move forward.

cafeitalia · 2019-04-02T12:59:43+00:00

10 years with a woman, didn't get married, didn't make her birth you a child, didn't see her as your sugar mamma, didn't use her affluent and rich connections to start businesses... What the fuck were you doing with the same woman for 10 years?

8380atgmaildotcom · 2019-04-02T03:25:23+00:00

The reality is hypergamy doesn't care. I suggest reading The Rational Male front to back but this clip will be an insight onto what happened.

https://youtu.be/mC149YY2G-I

Let me know what you think after watching that.

OneBrowUp · 2019-04-02T05:51:36+00:00

It's a beginning of a new life for you. Take your time and rebuild yourself completely, cut contact with her (it's a MUST) and in a year time you should be past the anger phase. It hurts, but it's the only way. Kill the beta inside you and never look back. Be glad that it happened while you're still young.

uptimex · 2019-04-02T07:17:17+00:00

You just passed throught the "first phase of interacting with woman". Doing something you think is right, but never feeling what she really wants.

Almost every successfull guy passes through that. You should try other girls, but quickly, about 5-6 different girls.

BIitheFooI · 2019-04-02T06:45:16+00:00

Skip the first paragraph if you don’t care about my story.

Man, similar story to yours but I did go out, we got our own place, leased 2 new cars (thank God I leased) and we have two kids together. I stopped going to school to work in sales and later finance at a car dealership. She was going to school to be an RN. I was almost done with my prerequisites for an BA RN degree as well when I dropped out. She cheated on me as I was working a ton and treated her like shit - I resented her for working a job I hated and her wanting to quit the RN program was it for me. She only had 2 semesters left. I separated from her and thankfully I don’t need to pay any child support, even though we split the babies equally now. My only regret is I had to move back to my mom’s home after having moved out at 18...

Anyway, I’ve been back in school about a year and met this girl I’ve plated since about August last year. Have another on the side and last week I just gave my ex a facial before taking my August plate out for the weekend in San Francisco.

Things may seem like a mess, but so long as you do all the things you felt you wanted to, you will be more fulfilled than you ever were or will be with any woman. I remember crying to work thinking about my kids, my life, what to do now...I lost my virginity to my ex, was married for 5 years and with her since I was 15. I’m 26 now. Things will get better. I’ve done my best to implement RP since I discovered it last summer. I have straight A’s, love my kids and see them often, hit the gym and have lost fat/gained muscle, got my AA in science last Winter with high honors; I was accepted into the RN program in Fall and for the first time in my life I have fucking options... I haven’t been this hopeful and excited in years. It is a ton of work though. A lot of leaving your comfort zone and trying new shit.

This is a blessing. Participate in your own rescue and you will see how much better your life becomes. Browsing asktrp in between sets right now, lol. Tired as shit from doing LSD and Ecstasy with my plate in SF.

DerpJungler · 2019-04-02T09:41:39+00:00

Lets keep it real here. Instead of thinking about a "lost" relationship, think about all the things and experiences you've missed out all these years.

Get your feelings together and hit the gym, get jacked, improve yourself, read books about game and how to be rational. Do yourself a favor and meet other girls, this will make you realize how much you've missed out on. Sleep with as many women as you like in order to get completely over her.

Find your purpose and don't let any other woman control you. You can only learn from this experience.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-04-02T09:57:41+00:00

I still want her back and I’m still thinking of how I could regain her attraction.

Because you still hope that she's your mother figure.

This is why you will always fail with her, because your mom is gone. In some ways it might have been better for you if your actual mom had died in your teenage years. You would have had to force yourself to put the mother-child relationship behind you in no uncertain terms.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash looking for dinner, once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get nasty shit all over yourself, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

TFWnoLTR · 2019-04-02T11:54:42+00:00

Thanks for this post, OP. I've been slipping lately, and this reminded me how pathetic I was when my kid's mom left me, and how thinking about her is a complete waste of time.

Hang in there, dude. It gets better with time. The more you do to improve yourself the better you'll feel years from now.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2019-04-02T13:35:15+00:00

You’ll soon find that there are much more attractive women. That’s what helped me forget about my first ex.

MattyAnon · 2019-04-02T15:33:52+00:00

I know this is nothing new to you guys but I just didn’t believe it could happen to me.

What's the question?

T-P-T-W-P · 2019-04-02T16:46:04+00:00

Once your frame, attraction, and power is taken in a relationship, it is highly likely you will never firmly grasp it again. You had no chance to begin with, but the only sliver was telling her “alright, have fun”, banging other women, living life to the fullest, and maybe she comes crawling back eventually. Not that I would personally take her back after she expresses she wants a break.

Another note is that I’ve noticed over time that women will encourage you to spend money over not spending money whether for yourself, together, or on her. I’ve noticed it with girlfriends/plates but also particularly my mom. My family is well off to the point where we never have to really worry but not the point where we’re jetting around on a weekly basis. I’m frugal and only spend on things I really really want/value and quality groceries (upkeep the temple). My mom and various women often encourage me to spend frivolously on things I express interest in but aren’t incredibly necessary or important. Money is probably the most important thing in the world beyond your own body, do not ever let anyone other than yourself influence the way you handle your finances and expenditure. It’s one of the few things I am 100% unwilling to bend on in regards to women.

adeptintact · 2019-04-02T19:07:33+00:00

This post is pathetic.

HillarysCell-mate · 2019-04-02T22:00:32+00:00

I just want to thank everyone here for the advice, regardless of how brutal and honest it was. This is a real wake up call for me to live life for myself on my own terms. Ignoring your problems will get you nowhere, and it is in the face of adversity and struggle that we grow and actively decide who we really are.

I still don’t know what my purpose is or will be, but for now, I think it’s a good problem to have.

HurricaneHugues · 2019-04-02T04:48:11+00:00

You need to vent and you cone here with yoir nonsense? Write that shit on a piece if paper and then burn it my guy. Who's gonna read all that nonsense?

nicyhasreddit · 2019-04-02T10:00:16+00:00

To be more of a man, I'm going to repeat this:

Stop trying to want her back. It's okay to want girls, its a male desire. But just go to the gym. And when she actually wants you back you already banged another 10 more chicks better than her.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-04-02T10:52:13+00:00

Leave this...it's dead. Iron Rule of Tomassi number whatever it is - never try to re-spark attraction with a past chick.

It's hard, it's tough, you have a thousand billion thoughts and emotions.

You toughen up, now...gain some self awareness, look at what may have killed it, and grow. That's what the pill is here for. To help men grow.

You have a pretty good proof positive of what DOESN'T work...now you get working on learning what does, and move forward.

What have you read, so far?

Nergaal · 2019-04-02T07:46:01+00:00

AWALT

UnderneathTheGun · 2019-04-02T10:53:31+00:00

hypergamy 101