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Red Pill ExampleOP from /r/relationships catches best friend (now-ex) and girlfriend (now-ex) having sex. Holds frame and respects himself. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Goupidan

http://redditlog.com/snapshots/1124765

OP is obviously emotionally devastated, but he dealt with it perfectly: he kicked both of them out of his life, and it seems that this is what he's planning to do for the long term.

The third most upvoted post (278 upvotes)

If this is true, the only option is to go full no contact with her. She does not deserve closure or another minute of your life. Sever all contact with her (bank accounts, shared anythings) and get her totally out of your life. I would talk to your "friend", put him verbally in his place and end the relationship.

You are going to feel horrible for quite some time, the feelings of disappointment and treason are the worst but eventually they will fade. Take out the rage at the gym. Never let them see you crying, specially her. This is one of the hardest lessons you are going to learn as a man, but you should recognize it as a blessing in disguise.

Get through this situation with dignity, maturity and strength and you will come a much better person on the other side. As humans, most of us go through similar problems, this is like a tempering of steel (sorry if this is not used in English) and you should become a stronger and better person because of it. Good luck.

Pretty stoic advice about self-respect and dignity.

EDIT: I went to search the history of the poster of that post, he frequents this subreddit. Big applause for /u/refriaire


[–]jiveraffe 138 points138 points [recovered]

Goddamn, OP handled that like a boss. I wish I had had that much strength at his age. I only hope he doesn't buckle. Hell, I'm so very proud of him. I wish to adopt him as a son.

And I wish someone had given me that advice when I was younger. I probably wouldn't have listened though.

This is one of the hardest lessons you are going to learn as a man, but you should recognize it as a blessing in disguise.

100% concentrated, RP truth.

Gentlemen, this is how you handle a cheating bitch. Pay attention, and learn from this man. I can't think of any better way to handle it. And don't get caught up in petty fantasies of revenge.

Now all that's left for him to do is get a good bottle of scotch and a real friend to shed some tears with.

[–]theycallme1 7 points8 points  (9 children)

This type of response comes with maturity and self control. OP handled it very well being only 22. I was in a similar situation and did not take the high road, it nearly cost me my career; luckily I only lost partial movement in my hand. Life lessons.

[–]pantsoffire 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If there is a story you'd care to share-

[–]theycallme1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If there is a story you'd care to share-

Nah, you get the idea. Same deal as the story above, just with less self control and more titanium, police and blood.

[–]squishles 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Partial movement lost in left hand; that involves beating the shit out of someone with your left hand.

Lesson learned don't beat someone with your non dominant hand, you'll fuck it up =/

[–]theycallme1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would have preferred the left hand.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

luckily I only lost partial movement in my hand

This is why I avoid fights as much as possible.

[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Or use open-handed palm strikes, rather than those tiny bones in the knuckles as your striking surface.

[–]theycallme1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rational thinking wasn't my strong suit in that moment.. although as soon as I knew my hand was shattered I dropped elbows. First and last time I will ever do that to a person.

[–]cntthnko1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When i read shit like this, i, for a second am thankful that i havent been in a relationship, but then i realize its probably better to have loved than not at all. In all cases, i guess there is something to be thankful of and youll find it if you bother to look.

[–]homesquash 48 points49 points  (10 children)

It must hurt like a bitch but I am proud. It is hard to act as he did - I can't believe he managed to restrain himself because I definitely couldn't have. He's got a tough road ahead but he's taken the right first step.

[–]1favours_of_the_moon 14 points15 points  (7 children)

Alot of times, vengeance is cathartic.

But this dude had the strength to just flat out walk away.

[–]KarmaEnthusiast 4 points5 points  (1 child)

MMA does that to you. I've been doing it a year now and I literally have trouble even play fighting with people because I know I'm just too good at it for the other person. So I end up getting all bruised just defending. It really does put a huge amount of humility in you to know that you could easily kill a person with just your own body.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. Just double leg that motherfucker and hold mount or kob. It's funny watching them squirm.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 115 points116 points  (13 children)

The takeaway here:

Women enjoy drama. They loathe comfort and complacency. Getting emotional when they wrong you feeds their thirst for drama. It validates how important they are to you. It demonstrates that all along, they were the dominant, powerful one with the ability to affect your emotional state and control your happiness. They were the one with other options, while you cry, rage, and scream because you have no one else.

When you are indifferent, it shakes them. Like maybe you don't care that much after all. Like you're the strong one who was ready to move on in three seconds.

Remember, you're the man. She's the child. But in the case of a relationship, she's not your child, so you're not legally obligated to deal with her long-term. Be the mature one. The grown up. Tell her you're disappointed in her. Then part ways. Nothing more.

She's a kid, but you don't own her. In those immortal words, she's not yours. It's just your turn.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children)

^ this is why two guys should never fight over a women.

All you're doing is fighting for position on the ladder at this point.

[–]2johnnight 14 points15 points  (1 child)

It depends. In a world, where women are property that has no agency, it makes sense to fight to protect your property, because you are fighting the competitor that has agency. This is a primitive world in which agency means the ability to rape without legal consequences.

In a world, where women have agency to choose sexual mates and initiate cheating/flirting, men fighting men only makes their bargaining position versus the woman worse. Two men begin a cut-throat competition, that only profits the woman.

Most popular erotic fantasies are about two alphas fighting each other for the woman's affection and the woman has the final choice. This is the drama that women will often set up in real life, so that she can brag about having choices. Low SMV women have no choices, so she proves that she has them.

I come to think that many situations with women in my life were about being the first or the second guy. Being the second guy means that her relationship with the first guy is "unclear". Like, she will tell guy #2 they have recently broken up and she is in between relationships, but in reality guy #1 thinks they just have a slow week. Women are not monogamous. Women are polyandric and they want to have that alternative guy for backup. They want to have many suitors and when they can not date two guys at the same, the second guy will be her secret lover. A more much fun position to have.

I wonder if many cheating situations like OP's can be explained by women's instinctive need to get the competition started by making the second man her lover, EVEN THOUGH as in this case she is perfectly happy with her main man. Man #1 doesn't need to know, but man #2 can get hooked and be covertly motivated to compete to become the main BB partner. Courtship drama ensues.

Anyway, this is just a theory. Seriously, we should ask: why else start bullshit like this? I know that human behavior is not completely rational, but this is something that needs to be better understood: why cheat on the man that you desperately do not want to lose in his bed with his "best" friend, which happens all the time? Or is it just for the irrational, high-risk thrill?

p.s. I should point out, that it's bad to spend your resources on direct competition. It's much better to invest the same time into improving your own value. In other words, don't buy her expensive gifts. Buy yourself a nice, expensive car, so that you are the prize.

Furthermore, much of the anger at cheating comes from having invested a lot effort in a person (expensive ring, etc.). That sunken cost hurts bad. If you do not invest in that person and instead invest in yourself, you are still the high value prize and she is a fool to lose you. You wouldn't even care.

[–]DoesNotMatterAnymore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, that human behavior is not completely rational

The way i see it, there is always a combination of reasons why you like or dislike something. Just because it's really hard to pinpoint these, doesn't means they don't exists.

[–]brotherjustincrowe 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Female solipsism is the major cause of their perpetual unhappiness. They want things constantly, but what they really want is what they think those things are, so they're inevitably disappointed upon getting them.

This is why passing shit tests (by refusing the premise) is so critical.

[–]pantsoffire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And because it builds up their rom-com fantasies. They don't need any more encouragement of that.

[–]648262 1 point2 points  (2 children)

The emotions put forward in such a situation is just proof that you failed a shit test.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Is fucking a man's best mate a shit test, now? Or just being a whore?

[–]648262 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of it - it's all just a shit test. Their main priority is making babies and making sure they survive. To ensure themselves and the babies are protected they shit test the shit out of their man/protector (not necessarily the father of the kids).

Call her a whore if it makes you feel better. She was just doing what women do. Though she did take a gigantic risk and got caught. No worries though - her hamster will make it all sound good in the end.

I have more issues with his best friend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The part about drama really makes sense to me. It doesn't have to be anything big, but small things that makes you upset. It used to puzzle how women made stupid mistakes seemingly intentionally to get stuff riled up around her.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

His reaction is very befitting of someone who has taken martial arts before. Angry as fuck but not losing control. An admirable man.

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

The fun part is that someone on the comments is against him telling to his best friend's GF. I'd totally tell her and try to fuck her.

[–]markasstrick123 34 points35 points  (8 children)

Infidelity is the best thing that can happen to man.These next couple of months will be the best of his life. His newly-discovered drive will push him to levels he never thought possible.

[–]SneakyTouchy 23 points24 points  (6 children)

Happened to me. Became a springboard diver and started making some real money (not related to diving). What really topped the cake were her excuses: "I need to work on myself for a while, it's not you, it's me, yada yada" but was already fucking her new cocaine dealer. She also gained about 50 lbs and looks like a hideous monster.

Springboard diving is something I never thought I would take on. I've tried it in the past but would have panic attacks at the end of the 3m board. I worked hard and developed a full list, took those skills to many meets and competitions where hundreds of people were watching, eyes on me for my moments. I expect to be qualified for state championships next year. This is a level I reached that I never thought possible.

Thank you for reminding me of my experience. I can now appreciate how much of a cunt she was.

[–]markasstrick123 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's not that you're unworthy, it's that she viewed you as unworthy. One person. And she left you for a coke dealer. Says a lot about her. You have higher quality women to chase (yes, they exist). Be happy!

I think what happens when a girl cheats is that we forever view ourselves as unworthy. Did we do something wrong? Am I not fit enough? Am I not making enough money? These things are generally not true, but that feeling is still there. So we push ourselves harder than ever before, even though it's not true. Don't rag on women too much, they can do some amazing things to us psychologically.

[–]SneakyTouchy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't rag on women, I just feel no pity for her jumping into that hole. At times I had wondered what I did that put her down that path, forgetting her single narcissistic mother and past experience with hard drugs. Some people are just shit and there's nothing I should do about it.

A main factor of her viewing me as unworthy was my own judgement of myself being unworthy. I had nothing going for me except school and homework. Now I've found myself back on a path where I can discover myself, expand my limits and master my fears. I don't even have to chase better women. They are already chasing me.

[–]zarus 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I didn't think there was that much money in springboard diving.

[–]SneakyTouchy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Poor sentence structure on my part. There is no money in it, unless you're #1 in the world.

I'm making better money now through personal fitness training, where prior was a minimum wage job

[–]Drchickenau 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How much can a professional springboard diver typically make (sans sponsorshop and with sonsporship)??

[–]SneakyTouchy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No idea, but for me, it costs money. With all the training, meet fees, travel and insurance, it can get up to $800 per month.

I'm making better money through other means.

[–]babyicanchange 41 points42 points  (4 children)

Holy shit, just reading that made me nauseous, now imagine being the dude. Shit.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

That is so fucked man, I don't think I can even begin to imagine that in my head. I know as a person he's definitely stronger than me because I would have losssssttt alllllllll of myyyy shitttttt. Respect.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How does someone even do that? After three years?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hypergamy doesn't care man.

[–]TRP VanguardtrpSenator 27 points28 points  (2 children)

To be quite honest, I'm not even sure I would have handled it that well. People like to say, "If I was ever in this situation, I'd do X or Y, or what the fuck ever" but I highly doubt most would. The fact is, it's HARD to come into this situation not feeling like an utter bitch. I mean, your girl just fucked some other guy right in your house. You can try and hold frame, act aloof, get aggressive, do whatever the fuck you want, and it doesn't change the fact that there is a sharp feeling in your mind reminding you that you were just disrespected in one of the most horrible and emasculating way possible.

Even if you manage to not lose all emotional control, and are actually to just laugh it off, grab her shit, throw it on the lawn, not say a fucking word, then go to the bar and start gaming other bitches (which would be borderline impossible for a normal human being), it still doesn't change the fact that your second half has completely betrayed you for another man. That you can't keep your own woman attracted to you. That someone has stolen a woman from your harem and she likes it.

I don't know about everyone else, but I'd be pretty fucked pissed. If I were able to hold back from getting violent, which I think I could, I don't think I could hold back on being unbelievably pissed. I'd wouldn't be able to "just move on" for a few months until I could get at the very least some unrecognized silent revenge. I just wouldn't be able to walk away from such an insulting action.

[–]www777com 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would have handled it like the boyfriend did because of experience. From experience, if I were in the boyfriend's position, I know she'll try to talk this out with me and twist it in such away that it will look like it was really my fault and she was not the bad guy all along. I won't give her the satisfaction. I would contain my emotions until such time I can let it out in private.

"That you can't keep your own woman attracted to you." This is wasted thinking because happens to every man. Even the best looking guys. I read a autobiography of a pimp. His view was, no matter how good of a pimp you are, if a hoe goes out the front door, have another hoe coming in the back door. To him, loosing a woman was inevitable, but you don't sweat it. You just get another girl.

[–]RPSigmaStigma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"That you can't keep your own woman attracted to you." This is wasted thinking because happens to every man. Even the best looking guys.

I think the point is that that's how a lot of men feel in that situation, not that it's a good way of thinking about it.

[–][deleted] 11 points11 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]ilovemyself101 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Next flirt with her, then ditch and take another girl home. ( if you were moving out, sounds like she wasn't cheating as the relationship was over, AWALT, branch swinging is a thing :)

[–]16 TRP VanguardTRPsubmitter 23 points24 points  (10 children)

Let's take a look at why:

Over the next 3 years we engaged in the most loving, healthy, and fulfilling relationship I have ever been a part of.

3 years. She got bored.

We never argued, but debated about things.

"We don't argue because we debate! That's a good thing!"

Not arguing in a relationship is good. But it should be because you as a man have a strong frame, which the woman recognizes and WANTS to follow. What you want BECOMES what she wants. Hence, no arguments and no disagreements.

He fucked up by "allowing" his gf to debate. She is not debating for academic exploration. She is debating you as a SHIT TEST. And when you vacillate and seem "open" to alternatives, she interprets that as you being vulnerable to alternatives. Women see this as weakness.

What women are looking for is reinforcement and reassurance. Debate is a shit test and he failed. On a side note, I hate how american culture has romanticized "sarcasm" and "we can argue all night! it was great!".

We could just sit, a be in each other presence for long periods of time

Let me give an example: one of my good buddies just broke up with a girl he thought he was gonna marry. I got the lowdown from his roommate on why. Apparently my buddy and his gf had gotten to the "comfort" point where he would sit in his room playing computer games while she would lay on the couch playing Angry birds or some shit.

This is why I don't ever recommend living with your gf; once they see you in your "domestic" moments, you have failed. You are no longer a mystery or a man with a purpose.

So this guy has romanticized the idea of "sitting along quietly with each other". But steadily and steadily, she got bored.

There is no reason trying to describe this any further, because the word love in its truest sense perfectly encapsulates my feelings.

Search past RP posts. We know that women don't love like men do. Men think that "sitting alone quietly" can be romantic no matter what ("baby we don't need money!" - Kenny Loggins). On the other hand, women will think ANYTHING can be romantic, AS LONG AS it's backed up by high value (any woman will think picking up litter is sexy if the guy is Brad Pitt and his Bentley is around the corner).

[–]Haptic_Affinity 5 points6 points  (9 children)

not ever living with your gf seems really impractical IMO.

agree with all the other stuff though.

[–]16 TRP VanguardTRPsubmitter 18 points19 points  (6 children)

I don't do long term or exclusive relationships. And I certainly don't believe in getting married.

The reason why is what I said above. A domesticated man is a vulnerable man. Mens' resource is commitment/relationship. Once you give that up, you're no longer as scarce as you could be. It's just human nature that people get into a routine/bored, etc. And economics applies: a non-scarce resource is a less valuable resource.

The underlying issue: you have to be a sexual being at all times to your plate/gf. But when you cohabitate, that definition of yourself will no longer be consistent. It's pretty much impractical and impossible to have sex 365 days a year when you live together. You won't demand it everyday because both of you feel "abundance" ("we live together...don't need to do it tonight").

Also, there's times when you are both just tired or busy and want to sleep when you come home late. Everyone gets tired. The issue is that IF you live together, she will see all those moments when you are tired and not sexual anymore. Thus her definition of you changes. For me, I keep those days private and away from all my plates. They never see me when I'm just chilling watching football doing nothing at home.

All of these things add up over time. They add up and poison your relationship. Domestication literally means a wild thing that is has become tamed.

Lastly, I just don't see the value of why a guy would want to live with his gf and ONLY have sex with one woman. Why? What do you gain other than female-bullshit like having someone to talk to? depend on? someone to confide in? I don't like/need/want any of those things anyway (guys are better to confide in), so why does living with a woman help? (women aren't even good cooks nowadays).

[–]Haptic_Affinity 5 points6 points  (1 child)

fair enough, but if your base assumption is that having an exclusive partner is what you want, which isn't too uncommon in TRP, then cohabitation is a logical next step.

[–]topspeedj 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree, I want to have kids one day so I will need a live-in LTR or wife to do that.

[–]bitchdantkillmyvibe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Look bro, that's all well and good, I'm the same - no marriage for me and in a perfect world I'd have a harem of women who would never enter my domain except for special occasions. But that's not the way it works. I want a family and I think many other men on this subreddit do too. Even removing marriage out of the picture, if having a family is something on the cards, cohabiting with your partner and engaging in a LTR is just how it's gonna happen.

I don't do long term or exclusive relationships.

Again, that's good for you, and if that's the case your advice is perfect. But family is still something I think a lot of young men care deeply about and your outlook is just not compatible with that. Men need to find other ways to maintain mystery in LTR's and it can be done. I've been in one for 5 years now, and while LTR game is grueling, there are ways you and your partner can cohabit while still having an exciting and fulfilling relationship.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because you're in love. Maybe some day you'll experience it. No one is going to convince you to act on an emotion you've never felt.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points

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[–]SenorPuff 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Intimacy with a woman means occasionally being gentle, meeting her womanliness with receptiveness. It has absolutely nothing to do with opening up to her. You should already be honest about your expectations and she should already know what is and is not acceptable.

LTR material is someone who betters your life and will help you meet your goals. She wants kids, makes you work hard at your job and fulfills you sexually? She listens to your leadership and her shittests and emotional outbursts are kept to a minimum out of respect for you? Then why not LTR her?

If you just plain don't want that, that's fine. But don't act like no woman is LTR-able. Some, like horses, need to be broken in. Some have been trained by their fathers or their religion to be good wives. Some are going to hit the wall as a 'strong impossible to deal with person who can't get no man' and live miserably alone or with a beta who offers absolutely no existential benefit.

Personally, letting post wall women beg for alpha cock instead of satiating them seems more fitting, but I've been told I'm sadistic.

[–]Mr_Zarika 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There have been people living seperate until they're married for literally ever.

[–]Haptic_Affinity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't intend to ever get married though.

[–]jolly--roger 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Holy hell. Massive kudos to OP, that handling is impressive. The old me would probably implode, I don't want to even try to imagine it.

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It's hard to learn the new way. What drove me to TRP over a year ago was when my GF of four years stayed "out" on a Saturday night and never came home. I knew, of course, she was fucking other dick, but she still had the audacity to come home the next morning at 11am to deny my accusations. I calmly told her that she and her children (yes, I know, dating single mothers is a huge mistake, know that now) were no longer welcome in my home. She was stunned with the ability I had at the time to just cut her loose. TRP was already being unleashed, without my knowledge. Then I started looking at sites like Roosh, Dalrock, and most important, Rollo. I ended up here from his sidebar.

[–]jolly--roger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard indeed. After my four years with a GF I was betafied beyond belief, any traces of RP behavior I had prior to her were just gone. Sad really. Found TRP over a year ago and everything's better.

[–]wildchild11 7 points8 points  (2 children)

the OP posted an update but deleted it for some reason

[–]Goupidan[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Here's what someone who read the update had to say about the it.

He posted 11 hours after his original post, saying he had a full night of sleep, did some thinking, went to get coffee with the guy's girlfriend, went on a walk with her, kissed her, went to the gym and got a full workout. Then after being called out, deleted his post.

[–]squishles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol whut really? I'd feel too gullible believing he played it that perfectly.

[–]SweetSonOfABitch 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Cringeworthy BP shitpost of the day:

I agree with everything you said but the crying part. Why is it so important that they don't see him cry? That way they can actually see how much they hurt him (if of course it ever comes to the situation that they should somehow be able to see him cry)

The same reason it's important your boss doesn't cry when disciplining employees. You're trying to punish them for doing wrong, not throw yourself a pity party. Crying in front of people is a child's response to trauma. It presumes someone other than you is going to swoop in and do something about it. Moreover, it gives those at fault an excuse to rationalize their bad decisions. She'll be texting to friends later: "I thought he was going to kick his friend's ass, but instead he just cried lol". His "friend" will be inwardly disgusted at the crying karate master. Both will be emboldened to cuckold him again.

Agreed, cry if you have to, but do it later and keep it to yourself. No one wants to see that and you do yourself no favors by showing them.

[–]AmuseDeath 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She was in tears at this point. She kept apologizing, saying it was only once, and it was a mistake. I told her, in the calmest voice I could muster, to leave, and never talk to me again, and that, obviously we were done. I could feel my emotions boiling over. I wanted to weep, yell, scream, and just curl up in a ball and die.

That's one of the differences between men and women. Women tend to make expressions such as crying, to get the result that they want, even, as in this case, when they are full of shit and caught. When these women do this, we need to ignore their shit. Do not let the crying and sobbing move you. This man is the victim here, he is the one who needs sympathy. But notice that he does not cry, wail or make a scene. He stands his ground. So when we see shit like this, we need to look at the actions done. Ignore the theatrics and compare the crimes done. She cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend. The OP was a good guy and just came home. She is the asshole here (along with the supposed best friend).

I say this because we often have this complex where if we see a woman crying or hurt, we automatically assume we have to help her or "save" her. We don't consider the possibility that she could be full of shit and that crying is a way to gain sympathy and excuse the sin that she did. Again, we need to train ourselves to blot this "act" out of our system and examine the facts, not the emotions.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Aww yes, the glitch in the matrix. Either the birth of red pill awareness and becoming alpha or rapid descent into even further beta mediocrity. Been there done that. True men are forged. This is his forging through trial. Most likely he'll fail to understand it but there is hope in an awakening. Cross my fingers.

[–]TheToastTot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That guy was badass. This is how you should handle a cheater.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Kudos to the guy. A lot of men, including myself, would hold a grudge for a long time over that.

[–]DoesNotMatterAnymore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

[–]New_Horiz0ns 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Girl explaining the situation to her friends : "Girl! OP is a ass. I told him it was obviously just once. Andzz OMG, it was totatlly a mistake. I can't be held accountable for my emoshions. It just happened... I think I was raped. "

[–][deleted] 4 points4 points

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[–]timdo190 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude I totally agree that his best friend showed him who his gf really was

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She kept apologizing, saying it was only once, and it was a mistake.

Shes been fucking his friend for at least a month behind his back.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 10 points11 points  (5 children)

The only better response would have been to laugh at them and walk away. Total utter aloofness. Become a man so emotionally solid that not even this shit can break your aloof frame.

[–]Tom_The_Human 15 points16 points  (3 children)

[–]gameno 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If only War Machine had watched that movie.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Damn thats some good stuff. I just picked up the movie.

[–]2wiseclockcounter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

maybe that will happen the next time around for him, but I think he's taken the natural course best fit for improvement towards that end.

[–]brotherjustincrowe 6 points7 points  (2 children)

So the ex-friend had a GF of his own (shitty friend but that's beside the point)...other Redditors are saying "call her and get with her" and that advice is being downvoted?

When you're cheated on, cheat back. There is no "moral high ground" when damage like this is done.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

i'd personally feel so pathetic trying to do that.

[–]ilovemyself101 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Everyone is different. I for one would fuck all my gf's friends. I wouldn't care. I would keep my 'best friend' after a time of 'cooldown' with the idea of always cutting him down(steal the girl fuck his girl etc) all the while improving myself, for as long as that relationship did not become toxic( resort to physical and constant arguments).

But I am petty, and 'the redpill' would never advocate this. But I would still do it.

[–]unpluggedoasis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He handled it amazingly well, he just now need to maintain frame, move on with his life and get revenge through success.

[–]gameno 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to buy that guy a beer. He handled that shit perfectly.

[–]1iluminatiNYC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A round of applause for /u/refriaire. He took a fucked up situation and handled with class. No violence. No crying. Now he can rebuild with a better crop of people. Both of them can go fuck themselves.

[–]SullenBarLurker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck I really feel for that guy. I know that shit sucks from personal experience.

[–]meatrocket8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Ah, what am i saying, shoot 'em both Grady, where's your gun at?"

[–]1kick6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the hallmarks of a true alpha is not that he has no emotion - we all have emotions, and there's no sense in attempting to pretend we're not human - but that he has control of his emotions in the most dire of circumstances. He doesn't show them because there's no benefit to doing so.

Consequentially, I can say that OP is alpha as fuck because of his control.

[–]iamphoenix1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Shit like that can give someone PTSD (i would know)

[–]MakeAChoice9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have my respect. Now you must find peace within yourself and move on.

[–]Ditario 1 point2 points  (2 children)

When you cut off all communication -does that also mean taking them off of facebook?

[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What part of "all" do you not understand?

[–]I3luee 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Question: TRP is amoral; TRP tells you that if you find a chick attractive then you can have a go at her, no matter if she has a boyfriend or not because if she gives in then it's her willingness to cheat after all (not sure about this one but usually my memory doesn't elude me). Give the above, doesn't this mean that the best friend in this story is just a TRP guy acting out of abundance?

Where it for that friend to come to OP and say "sorry bud but I was doing you a favor. I went all the way since I knew that otherwise you wouldn't believe me.", wouldn't he be considered somewhat a good guy? (hypothetically speaking because that's not the case here I'm sure)

Awaiting your clarifications.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

acting out of abundance at the expense of a friend.

[–]Unpopular_But_Right 0 points1 point  (25 children)

Is it just me or am I the only one who thinks a few punches would have been called for in this situation? Like you don't have to kill him, but a bloody nose wouldn't be totally out of line, right?

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (14 children)

Violence is never the answer. It's part of holding your frame. Don't lose control. There is never a time when getting charged with assault and battery is worth it especially not because pussy is involved. Trust me, most of us are young and are quick to lose our temper but you get a criminal record and you can kiss any chance of getting a decent job goodbyes.

[–]widec 8 points9 points  (4 children)

That's the truth. Would you hit the girl in this situation as well? Probably not, but she has just as much fault as his friend does.

[–]LaidBackStrat 8 points9 points  (3 children)

She's more at fault than the guy, imo. If I was cheated on (with a gf fucking a guy I didn't know) I would blame it all on her. She's the one that is in a relationship with me, not him. She's the one that "agreed" to stay monogamous with me. So it's all her fault.

Of course, I wouldn't exactly be able to be friends with the guy, and with the guy being his best friend, that relationship is going to end.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's more at fault than the guy, imo. If I was cheated on (with a gf fucking a guy I didn't know) I would blame it all on her. She's the one that is in a relationship with me, not him. She's the one that "agreed" to stay monogamous with me. So it's all her fault.

Normally I'd agree, but the guy supposedly was his best friend - so in fact, he was in a relationship with the OP as well (just not a romantic but a bromantic one). The only way this would be okay was if you gave your BFF a pass on stuff like that in advance in case he can filter out illoyal bitches that way.

[–]2niczar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's more at fault than the guy, imo

He's not a stranger. He says they've known each other for 7 years.

[–]widec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with that too, although some people may have a different view. The guy just wants to get his dick wet, I can kind of see where he's coming from. But if I'm in an explicitly exclusive relationship, it's fucking done, she knew the rules.

[–]1independentmale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not only that, shit could go downhill fast.

My father once told me a story of a guy he used to hang with. Big mean fucker, didn't take shit from anybody. They were in a bar, drinking with their buddies and someone started some shit. Dad's friend got up and knocked the guy right the fuck out. Great big uppercut. One punch, just plastered this drunk fuck.

The guy he knocked out hit his head going down. He was taken to the hospital where he died from severe brain hemorrhaging 3 days later.

Dad's friend had some prior petty misdemeanor assault charges. He was sentenced to 10 years for manslaughter this time around.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (7 children)

Police don't take a few punches seriously. Now a murder? Of course but the most a fight can get you is a misdemeanor, which is nothing.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are stupid. If you cause any injury it can easily escalate to a felony. Say you throw and land one punch and knock the guy out, he falls backwards and hits his head on cement and dies. Now you have a manslaughter charge. Physical violence should always be a last resort and means of self defence.

I think you should be posting in /r/shittylegaladvice

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children)

a misdemeanor is nothing

Lol fuckin wot?

Are you from the ghettos or something where getting a misdemeanor can be considered "nothing"? Maybe you should reqd up on the consequences of getting a misdemeanor.

Even if that were true, if your victim happened to have an affluent father who can afford a good lawyer and pressed for criminal assault, your ass is done.

Fighting for pussy is for betas and the mentally unstable.

[–]markasstrick123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Misdemeanors can mess you up. I got caught with a fin and I went through so much shit just to get it taken care of.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

What you see as fighting for pussy I see as fighting to protect your image as a man. And plus, it's a lot better to not let something like anger build up over time. The guy in question here is angry. He walked away and avoided making a scene but he's still angry. He's probably gonna be angry for a LONG time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What you see as fighting for pussy I see as fighting to protect your image as a man.

Wow your a real blue flame special. What do you think a felony does to your image as a man? So when your going to do something manly like buy a gun or get a job you are instantly rendered incompetent due to your poor impulse control over an ex girlfriend.

Do you think anybody will gives a fuck about your cheating story? Especially some woman in the HR department. Your criminal record isn't bullshit that goes away like your school record.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Getting arrested and thrown in jail for beating up a guy isn't gonna help with your anger or your image as a man. What you should do is hit the town that same night and try to pull as much pussy as you can. Now THAT is what's gonna help you get over that anger.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know someone with a felony for one-punching some guy (which they had to life flight him). Never swing first

[–]Goupidan[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I would excuse a few punches.

[–]bonekeeper 5 points6 points  (1 child)

hard to stop though. how much is too much? maybe one more?

[–]KingoftheAssholes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The question you should ask is could you stop at a few punches? That was an emotion charge situation there is no way to tell if you could stop yourself after the first hit. I know I couldn't. The ex friend thought his friend was going to kick his ass all over the place plus he knew that he had taking multiple martial arts classes for atleast 10 years. That's why he ran when it didn't happen at first. Plus if he would have hit him might have charge with (depending on the state) assault with a deadly weapon.

[–]2renzy77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think having his friend wake up to seeing a black-eye (or two) in the mirror would force him to reflect on what he'd done for the next couple of days at the very least.

[–]imhighnotdumb -5 points-4 points  (3 children)

I would've bitch slapped him - more humiliating and shows youre still in control.

[–]Facednectar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy fuck man I can't even imagine being in that situation...OP handled it better than probably 99% of people on this earth. Props to him man...fuck that made me sick to my stomach just to read.

[–]PrometheusLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best default reaction, as always, was to hold frame. It's like the Cadillac of possible reactions and the first sign of being a real man. There's no argument to that. Obviously, an emotional reaction of any kind would have been no good. Most of the comments here discuss that much.

But what about alternative reactions? JetBlack78, the OP, here has made two new enemies. It's more accurate to say that they made enemies of themselves to him. Can't he turn this situation to his advantage? The second law in The 48 Laws of Power states

Never put too much trust in friends. Learn how to use enemies.

JetBlack violated the first half of that law by putting too much trust in his gf and best friend.

However, he can now take advantage of the situation by incorporating the second half of that law. To make up for her transgression, his now ex-gf could be convinced to buy him a gym membership or other gifts. His ex-best friend could similarly be convinced to make up for his transgression in other ways.

Instead of simply exacting vengeance by denying the offending parties closure, or also exacting vengeance by wronging his best friend by sleeping with his best friend's gf, there must be a constructive reaction. Holding frame is somewhat constructive in that it's an exercise in building character, but that's just level 1 of red pill mentality. There must be a level 2, something that goes above "secure alpha male" to "master of the world hyper-alpha male" level. I'm not experienced enough in using such tactics to profess to know exactly what the level 2 reactions would be, which is why I'm posting this comment so that we might discuss a more advanced and evolved reaction than simply holding frame.

Tl;dr: Holding frame is always a better choice in every situation than allowing emotions to overtake us. But for this particular situation, isn't there a reaction beyond what OP did that would be even more beneficial to him? Isn't there some way to take advantage of his ex-gf and ex-best friend?

[–]EllCarrington 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dealt with the situation like an absolute champ!

[–]bluedrygrass 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Honest question: why shouldn't he have beaten the living shit out of his friend, like he wanted and was able to do?

I see nothing wrong in this. His friend knew what he was doing to him. He knew the risks, he knew he was hurting him. Why not to give him a memorable lesson? Maybe in the future he would have avoided doing it again.

In any way it would have been a totally alpha move, and would have left the cheated guy more satisfied with himself.

If something like that happened to me, that's what i would have done. Why not? If you don't feel like it, good for you, i guess, but it would be a right thing to do.

[–]1DRMMR76 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Because criminal convictions can ruin many life opportunities that one may have. Not everyone is content just living in an apartment, working a shit job and being a loser. He may have some pretty serious aspirations in life, and being a convicted criminal is not worth risking it.

[–]OrpheusV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And a criminal record might even damage the odds of getting some shitty apartment honestly. All the more reason not to invoke violence except as a last resort.

[–]bluedrygrass 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ah, now it's clearer. Effectively, it could have been bad for him. But, after all, i strongly doubt his cheating friend would have sued him for broken ribs. Very few would have taken him seriously.

Makes more sense, aniway.

[–]1DRMMR76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Suing someone is civil court. Assault and battery is criminal court. It has nothing to do with what the girlfriend desires. All the guy has to do is call 911 and say you attacked him. You ass belongs to the criminal justice system from that minute on.

[–]Doomsday_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

In any way it would have been a totally alpha move, and would have left the cheated guy more satisfied with himself.

Would probably have felt good at the time, but in the long run would have gained him nothing and cost him a great deal.

Childishly giving vent to our emotions by lashing out at those who have hurt us is not alpha. Why is that the case? Because it shows that others have emotional power over you, and therefore betrays your weakness. Elliot Rodger was not alpha.

[–]bluedrygrass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're overthinking it. Alpha is not an insensitive zen monk. Someone wants to stole your pocket moneys, what do you do? You give your moneys, because "they can't anger you", or you scare them or hurt them, IF you can? Who's more alpha?

Your motherfucking friend cheats with your girlfriend... nobody can seriously argue that beating the shit out of him and leaving him with a couple broken ribs wouldn't be alpha.

It's one of the most alpha things doable, in fact. Sure, if you don't feel like it, don't. I'm not saying that OP did necessarily wrong. I'm saying that if OP savagely beat up the cheater and traitor, it would have been better.

And the more i think about it, the more obvious it is.

[–]1Zanford 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why this guy got cheated on: notice the bit about 'we never argued, we debated...' Guy treats his gf like a Best Friend and like an Equal and an Intellectual Peer. This is all wrong.

I've heard so many girlfriend-and-best-friend cheating stories that I wonder if you should really ever introduce your girlfriend to your friends. Sux b/c it's good to be seen as social and extroverted. (And in this guy's case, as a university student, blending all your people can't be helped.)

Either 'the best friend' is a very common choice for your gf to cheat with, or, we hear a lot of such stories b/c you are more likely to find out when it's your friend.

[–]through_a_ways 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with everything you said but the crying part. Why is it so important that they don't see him cry? That way they can actually see how much they hurt him

No comment. Poe's law doesn't even do this justice. This comment is either the most brain-dead, or the most weirdly misleading one I've ever seen.

[–]neverXmiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would do what that poster did, then as she got out, spat in both of their faces. Nothing can muster how crappy you feel when somebody spits in your face. It lowers you to less than trash.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]bluedrygrass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm totally with you. Especcialy regarding the "friend" part. If i could, i would have absolutely ruined him. Just for the revenge.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

can confirm. ruined girls friendship with her two best friends FOREVER after she cheated on me (by revealing information). i was angry for months and literally the second after i released that information and knew it was going to fuck her up all my anger was instantly absolved. i woke up next day with a big grin and continued my life as if i never knew her.

it totally worked in my benefit so what's the argument against it?

[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why do you guys frown on vengeance?

Most people are so bad at it, they have to shoot through their own skull to knick the other person's toe.