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My dad is having a meltdown (self.asktrp)

submitted by spirot

I have been staying at my parents’ house recently because I am building a business and my money has been tied up in it and I haven’t been able to take consistent pay for a few months. Right now I am listening to my dad melt down and freak out because my mom is cruel to him all of the time. He tries to be nice and please her but obviously as you all know this is incredibly futile. He is breaking down and I don’t know what to do. I have subtly tried to redpill him in the past, his life is a lie and he’s never going to earn my mom’s respect back that he lost long ago. I want to help my dad, nobody else will and I can’t stand watching him go through this. Have any of you guys redpilled your dads? Do I just have to watch my dad fall apart and grow old having failed to accomplish much of anything besides raising a family? Any of you guys find the redpill in your 60s? I can’t stand this shit. I won’t end up like my dad but I want to be able to help him.


[–]RP098674 points75 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The problem you have is that there’s such a heavy dependency on blue pill notions by the age of 65/70 that the mental break away of having to mentally assess all of your invested beliefs can likely destroy that person on a core level.

Roll writes about how difficult it is for men to look back at all of the mistakes they’ve made, but doing this at 30 gives you 20- 30 years to maximise whatever potential you have and change you life to one of abundance.

I’ve been in this exact situation and my advice would be to work on building his confidence in the future.

Motorbike trips, or getting him started in something solo is going to give him purpose outside of it all.

But I’d probably look to avoid going full RP unless he shows real signs of wanting to explore those opportunities.

You’ve gotta make him realise that he’s still in the game, it doesn’t end until you do.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is good advice.

If he doesn't want to face his situation head-on, there is no way you can force him - with good results. Objectively speaking, he's in a dire situation anyway. Bitch wife vs loneliness is lose-lose, so he's clinging on a desperate and delusional hope that he might get some intimacy from his wife.

His only way out is having interests, passions preferably, and friends. Only an active social life outside the house can save him.

Try that course, for a year or so. But if you don't see improvement, you might need to let him drown, as others have noted.

[–]EvolvedVirus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bitchy wives will make a man out of most men anyway. They are bitchy because they care. If they didn't they'd just move on. Apathy is the worst of it. Getting no feedback for your mistakes is bad.

With some women, I wish they would just get mad and tell me what's wrong sometimes, a lot of them have learned to be indirect and hide everything.

If a couple is fighting it out, it's way better than silent resentment.

His mom is cruel to the man, because the man deserves it and lets it happen. She's sorta training him with negativity. Men would never improve or work on themselves, if women were just "fully accepting unconditionally" like as if easy-mode is turned on.

That's exactly why TRP and women's natural instincts work well together. TRP is just better written out philosophy because some men can't/don't/won't learn from experience. Let evolution take its course.

You can't really RP your dad so easily, it can be difficult. You can just sort of introduce ideas.

[–]NobodyP1126 points127 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Just my 2 cents to help build his confidence is to take him lifting with you. At least he will have something to look forward to.

To help him in general I have no clue I only recently found the red pill a few months ago

[–]signsoflife62035 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn that was great advice, it's a good a start for sure.

Sorry you have to watch your dad go through that. I feel this but with one of my brothers, I have tried redpilling him in the past and he snaps back badly. I realized I had to let him go because it was starting to make him think less of me, he's too far in... Everyone is different though. Maybe your dad might be more receptive to it. It is good that you care about your dad too, that alone is a huge boost to his confidence. Not many sons would go out of their way for their dad like this.

Maybe try getting him to listen to the rational male on audible while he drives to work.

[–]Asktrp66 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Convincing your parents to go to the gym is way harder than you think. I've tried.

[–]NobodyP14 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha depends on the parents my dad and I compete against each other whenever I come down and visit

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah same here. My dad is nearly 50 and is borderline obese. He has lost 20 kgs 3 years ago but put it back on.

[–]i_forget_my_userids2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's all how you frame it.

Do: Tell him you need someone to spot you. Tell him the gym gets boring, you want someone to talk to at the gym, and he can just stand there with you.

Don't: Tell him you're going to whip his fat old ass into shape.

[–]11-Eleven-111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My parents excuse is that they are too busy

[–]jackandjill2226 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sounds terrible. Sorry bro.

[–]hang_all_sjws19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry to hear this, but - believe me, you should never ever get involved in domestic disputes. It's the road to Hell. You can try to redpill your father when you are alone, but for God's sake don't actually try to get between him and your mum.

If you have tried talking to him about it and he won't listen, then there's not much you can do. The bizarre reality is that some men are masochists who genuinely enjoy suffering. Look at the amount of femdom & cuckold pornography which exists. He might actually want to live this life.

You can't do anything for a person who does not want to save themselves. If you have to, then just avoid your mother and see your father alone. Others in this thread have provided good advice to this effect. It's not your problem, and I strongly advise you to avoid getting involved in a triangle of abuse.

[–]BuzzLightGear321 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Some men can't take the redpill, they throw it up. It's not until it's a forced suppository do they ingest it.

[–]travhall194 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

this is a great take

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see the same in my father. I'm 40. Ive watched my mom abuse everyone around her since I was a kid. I came to the conclusion that its not something that can be changed now. any attempt to address it would make it 10x worse for a long time before it settled into a permafrost of passive aggression.

Enduring decades of temper tantrums just encourages bigger temper tantrums.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev23 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If you can manage your mum a bit for him, that might help. If you can do it without getting kicked out, or causing yourself some shit.

Ex. Answer for him when she is jumping on him. Stay calm, do not "fight" with your mum, just ask, matter-of-factly, "Do you think it's helpful to say {x} to dad?"

You have to be careful about it, but can be done.

Otherwise, do things with him that will help him build confidence as others have suggested.

[–]spirot[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

When I prevent my mom from dominating me in the way she dominates him it creates problems. She sics him on me. I was kicked out the first time I moved out. I try; I can only do so much. I’ve almost gotten through to her about her issues before; I think I finally got her to see how she failed as a mother, I tried to convince her to go back to therapy but her hamster is super jacked from 65 years of sprinting.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok, then don't do it.

[–]asktrp44336 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Take him to the gym with you. Also from my experience men in their 60s tend to have some kind of emotional break or extreme FOMO type shit. My dad went full blown hippie deadhead during this time. Shit happens, give it time and be there for him.

[–]Cholo4Trump2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow is this true? Makes total sense, 60s is the age where youre old but at least have some life energy left. I rarely see men in their 70s look healthy and not resemble a straight up elderly man, but 60s is somewhat common to still look and be a man

[–]dtyler866 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My stepdad (no longer with my mom as of last year) is a hopelessly beta bitch to his new fiancée. They break up regularly, she’s insane, and he tolerates her shit constantly, drives her everywhere, buys her shit he can’t afford, etc. I have tried to straight up school him in TRP and he’s just too to grow a pair, have any confidence and ditch this lunatic.

In short, I think men at a certain age really can’t change.

[–]jenovajunkie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stand up to your mom.

That's it, just tell her where she is wrong, and don't let her make bullshit excuses. My mom is a bitch, I love her to death, but I don't take shit. That being said I also don't give her shit when it's unwarranted. I also, don't always try to get involved. a lot of the time there is hidden information that you don't know. Your dad also needs to step up himself, but perhaps he is content putting up with her shit, because he has someone who loves him.

[–]ainihon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My dad is going through the same shit. Sorry to hear man.

[–]ocebitkaj2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I gave my dad 12 Rules for Life by J Peterson. Not controversial enough to give you any backlash but enough to give him a kick.

Tell him you read a great book and think it would suit him, too.

Took him a while to start reading it (had to ask him every day if he started it, make jokes about it etc.), but I think it helped him.

[–]-_-Andor-_-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My dad is somewhat similar. Ge is only 50 and looks at my mom as the leader. What can I do?

[–]gettinjuiced1472 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't have much advice (yet), but just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I've been witnessing the exact same thing with my dad the last few times I've been home, and it was really bothering me to see my dad so unhappy. Planning to give him a copy of 12 Rules for Life or a similar book for Father's Day, so hopefully can nudge him in the right direction at least.

[–]WiredT6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your moms a cunt..thats all I could stomach to say. Tell her yourself to eat a fat dick

Lmao but its up to your dad to man up

[–]Vouch33r1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Give him The Rational Male trilogy. It was written also for that reason. Wish you good luck

[–]HastaPronto901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Without knowing the details, TRT and some hobbies would be great.

[–]Zanford1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Take him outside. Hiking, fishing, or to the gym to lift. Do manly shit.

When he brings up your mother, ask him Socratic / rhetorical questions with no good answer like - "So what are the things you DO like about her? What do you get out of her? What does she do for you? What does she do that proves she loves you?"

The answer to all those questions is, of course, 'nothing'. People learn better when they think they came to the answer.

Share stories about other men who got out of traps like this - there was a great blog by a married guy who turned his marriage around, 'Dave from Hawaii' or whatever. Tho in your Dad's case, he should just walk away. The kid(s) are grown, she will never respect him, and she's post-Wall so there's zero sexual allure.

You could also give the mother a dressing down in front of your dad. It sounds like you are 18+ and financially independent, so your mother really has no leverage on you.

[–]loloLogic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Spend more time with him. Anything else is too tricky while you live there. Go do whatever together, even if it's just asking him to run an errand with you. Be his pal, build him up, help restore some of the self-esteem your mother's taking from him.

You have to be like Zeus helping mortals - since you can't directly address the problem, but you can set it at almost all times, you can be there at exactly the right time to do/say exactly the right thing that will help your dad carry on. Just don't worry about being exactly right.

Who knows, he might even realize he doesn't need her to be happy and make whatever changes necessary to either improve the relationship with your mother or dissolve it. What I do know, however, is that two years ago I had the opportunity to spend a year living with my father (he's 60 and I'm 35) and it was a really great thing for both of us.

[–]HealthCatch02131 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The best thing you can do is try to spend as much tine with your father doing other things. Go fishing, start a new hobby with him and just try to get his mind off of what's happening.

It's hard to give him the redpill now, best you can do is distract him or enjoy some time with him. It's hard to see your old man like that, but that's the best course of action you can do right now.

[–]warwolverinewarrior1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nothing you can do. Do what others suggested and spend time with him. Can't teach him any trp cuz you're the child in that relationship. Just trying to get his time back to him by doing men shit. Go fish, gun range, action movies, etc. I have an uncle who's going thru the same shit right now and it's a teaching experience for me.

[–]olinvomibo1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

'How to win friends and influence people' have some methods which may help you to redpill him in subtle ways.

[–]rnsbrum0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We all went down. Its up to him wether he wants to get up or not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is definitely a tough situation. He needs to be mentally strong enough to take theRedPill, but that's up to him, not you OP. This seems like a lost case unless his eyes can be opened somehow.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Let him read No More Mr Nice Guy? Plus going lifting is good. Does he have a group of male friends to hang out with?

[–]spirot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I gave him No More Mr. Nice guy a month ago and haven’t been able to get him to read it. He does not have friends to hang out with. He travels for work all week and on the weekends he wants to spend time with my mom who doesn’t appreciate him.

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I kinda Red Pilled my dad up to a point... (he's still has a lot of BP habits)
But I think he is on his RP way...
Can't tell you for sure and exactly because this whole situation is just 3 months in development...

My dad is very open minded person...
And I started by showing him "The Red Pill" the movie... it really shocked him...
And after the movie he was way more open and I just started telling him openly all the RP truths...
He was listening and he understood and agreed... with everything I told him so far...

But there is a disconnect with him applying it in real life...
He's still doing all of his BP habits... And maybe he'll never break out... I'm not sure...

But I firmly believe he's on his way...
________________________________________________

I think you should show him something easy... just a little RP... get him thinking...
something like "TRP" the movie or some Karen Straughan videos... (some female talking anyway)...
Before you bring out the big guns and proper bitter truths...
That's how I went about it and it worked... :)

________________________________________________

But as I said this is all new for me as well...

I moved from my original country years ago... and my dad came to visit for a few months...
and it's the first time we are living in the same city in 10+ years... so kinda the first time I can talk to him often and for long conversations...

[–]2319Skew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes all you can do is look away when a loved one is drowning

[–]MetalstepTNG0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You can't force change, you just can't. I'm sorry your parents are going full pyscho, but your dad has to be the one to change his habits. And be careful too, sometimes people don't want to be saved as much as they want to make everyone else miserable just like them so they're not alone. I'm getting some strong manipulation vibes from your dad and it sounds like he's putting a lot of pressure on you to "save" him, and then most likely he'll turn against you when you can't (because he doesn't want or know how to be responsible for his actions). He already tried to (or did) kick you out, so judging by his instability, I wouldn't trust this man if I were you.

Best thing to do is just be an influence and control what you do, not what your dad does.

[–]spirot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He’s not manipulating me or putting any pressure on me to save him. If my dad wanted my help then this would be much easier lol

[–]spirot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He wasn’t freaking out at me he was freaking out at my mom I could just hear it from the other side of the house

[–]blimp110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

the longer one buys into a certain way of thinking the harder it will be to open them up to change. It would mean that they would have to examine their past under this new prism, and that could cause a lot of disturbance to their psyche.

[–]alpha4ever0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Buy him a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy and have him read it. Talk to him about it.

If that fails, delete from facebook, hit the gym and lawyer up.

[–]BPasFuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your old man needs to focus on something outside the house that isn't his wife, and isn't you, or anyone else in the family.

Something a little bit selfish.

In other words, he needs a new mission.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The thing is youre not solid enough to be real real with your dad. By that I mean talking to him like a man and laying down the facts. You need to literally tell him that he is behaving like a bitch and that it is embarrassing for you as his son to witness. Call out his full name and tell him to get ahold of himself and his manhood. Ask what his father would think if he saw him being so weak.

Do u lift? Im assuming u dont. Both of you should start lifting. Also you jeed to buy your dad a fopy of No More Mr Nice Guy and The Rational Male.

[–]jm510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get him a copy of 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty'.

Basic assertiveness training.

[–]tenki970 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

And Himanshu who you think that they are not working of a speaker

[–]andymgtow-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Book him a high end escort.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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