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I found this article in another forum and thought that it would be interesting to post here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/daniel-hayes/2015/10/13-women-reveal-how-much-their-engagement-ring-cost-and-what-it-means-to-them/

Some of the responses were really sweet. It's nice to see that some of the women understood that the ring isn't necessarily significant--it's the fact that he wants you to be his wife which is significant.

It was funny to read the entitlement and justification coming from a couple of these ladies. Why should the opinion of coworkers or friends matter about the cost of your ring?

Like Janice said, drop the friends that critique your man's choice. And like Melody said, albeit much more bluntly, the size and cost of the rock isn't a measure of his love or loyalty for you.

His desire to choose you as his wife should matter more than the ring. The ring is a symbol of your union together. Take away the ring and you're still married, it's replaceable--your husband and your marriage are not.

It's not to say that one can't spend a considerable amount on an engagement or wedding ring. If he can afford it and it's his decision to spend that much on it, it's fine.

But to expect him to spend a specific amount of money in order to keep up appearances or to prove that he really loves you? Lol okay, you go girl.


[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My wedding band is made of silver. We bought a matching set on Etsy. I could have cared less what the ring was made out of, I wanted the man, not his money. Any woman who is that concerned with the price of the ring... That should be a GIGANTIC red flag to the man.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, it is certainly a red flag. She's more concerned with showing off what he bought her than in the marriage itself.

P.S. matching sets sounds cute by the way :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Idk why but I felt strongly about them needing to match. Plus they are engraved with our wedding date and the words "our love is everlasting" so I think they're still pretty meaningful without needing to be 10 grand.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh the engraving sounds like a sweet touch :)

[–]marley0609 27 points28 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Back when my husband I are were dating and discussing marriage he asked how must people budget for an engagement ring. I told in the 3+ months worth of income idea and he flat out laughed in my face.

My ring cost something like $130. We picked it out together on kohls.com and went to the store together to buy it.

I honestly don't even wear my ring that much. I never wear it when I'm just at home. And I often forget to wear it when I go to work. It doesn't matter what jewelry I'm wearing, I am 100% married. I don't honor my husband by wearing a ring. I honor him with my thoughts, words, and actions. I don't need a ring to show people I'm married. Most people who come in contact with me end up finding out that I'm married because I talk about my husband all the time.

The whole wedding industry is fucked.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree it's merely a piece of jewelry symbolizing something that can't have a price placed on it.

De Beers mining company was brilliant for marketing "diamonds are forever." If it's advertised right, people will buy anything no matter how much they can't afford it lol

Edit: spelling

[–]wearing_yoga_pants4 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I work in advertising and so does my boyfriend, that De Beers campaign is an incredible study in changing public perception. Since we both know exactly how much bullshit it is, however, I'm glad we can take this into account if/when we get married and spend the money on more important things.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's fascinating, I think it's one of the most successful advertising campaigns ever.

Yes, at least you'll be able to invest in something that will benefit both of you!

[–]fhigurethisout7 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Quite frankly if a guy invested three to six months of his income into buying a ring for me, I would be concerned and see it as a red flag. That money can be used on MUCH more important things.

I would want my partner to understand that giving his commitment to me is already a huge deal. The ring is simply a symbol, nothing more.

I cant stand the wedding industry. I've been a bridesmaid twice and won't do it again (except for my sis). It's all about how special the woman is. Most of these women are entitled and ungrateful and expect a huge rock on their fingers. For what? Why do they deserve that?most of the time they treat their men like garbage and they just want the societal validation.

One of my piano students is an adult who has been happily married forty years. i was ranting to her about my bridesmaid woes and how i was frustrated at how overblown weddings & wedding rings were. She told me her husband proposed with a sixty dollar ring and they had a very inexpensive wedding with very few people. She told me it was the happiest moment in her life and actually teared up, smiling, telling me about it. It was so sweet!!

This is the exact OPPOSITE of my divorced mother. She is a gemologist and keeps telling me whoever i am with must give me some stupidly expensive rock or he isnt worth it. It makes me livid.

Her current fiance forked out nearly 10k on some massive rock for her. Now they're in pre-marital counselling because she causes so many fights with him lol...she's "ended" their engagement probably 4 times already.

But obvioooously it's him... not herrr. Yeah right mom,OK.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, I would be worried as well with how he is managing his finances depending on his situation.

Some weddings are giant jokes nowadays, I've heard that it's normal to make the guests pay now, on top of providing gifts...? It's weird how much other people try to pressure some women in expecting more from their fiancés, like he isn't proposing to them, it shouldn't matter.

+That's a very sweet story about your piano student btw :)

[–]cxj 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

mind = blown she still has a fiance

the thirst is real

[–]fhigurethisout2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

She's really good looking. At 50 she looks like she's in her early 30s. She makes your average 50 y/o woman look pretty bad.

Good at managing money too, but I don't know if he cares too much about that.

He's way more masculine than my father ever was. But she's a control freak and treats him like garbage behind his back (always shittalking him when I'm around lol).

They butt heads like crazy. I stay out of the drama, it's so draining!

[–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

ohhhh ok. Man I wish men were not so looks driven. fuk u biology y u make life so hard

[–]TempestTcup 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

LOL, we went to a pawn shop and got lovely rings right before we ran off to Vegas to get married :)

Some people see pawn shop rings as "unlucky" rings because they obviously came from a failed marriage, but I have always thought that people made their own luck, bad or good!

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh that must have been exciting! :)

I wouldn't mind purchasing secondhand for the ring or dress, there would be a lot of classic styles to choose from too!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Let's play "guess whose marriage is still intact"!

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol! Hopefully some of these guys had a prenuptial agreement in place...

[–]kpak76 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sadly prenuptial are worthless to us men. A good lawyer can easily circumvent the prenup.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really? That's bad to hear

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I know men are discouraged from commenting here, but another option is to have a ring made. If you are pretty certain he is going to propose and have already discussed the type of ring you want, this can save money and give you something that is less common. For instance, my wife wears white gold and she liked channel set. Unfortunately, almost all channel set we could find at the time used round cut stones that are more prone to fall out. I found a guy who did jewelry as a side job and he made a ring with princess cut channels and a round center, which were a higher grade and, because I had been looking around, I know it was about $1000 less than what an equivalent ring would have cost at a mainstream jeweler.

[–]frozen_strawberry4 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

We just ordered our wedding rings from etsy, too. The guy makes all the rings to order and I just love how they weren't mass produced or made to be sold but made specifically for us exactly how we want them. And they're rather inexpensive as well. I looked around some and tried to find rings that match my fiances wishes and the guy looked like the best, so I'm hoping they'll turn out as good as we hope. To me it was a lot more important that the rings match than anything else.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's so nice being able to have such a personal touch and story with the rings, hopefully they'll turn out exactly how you both want them :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have no idea how much my husband paid for my ring (and I don't feel a need to know), but I had his ring made by an Etsy shop. It was less than $200 and it's held up extremely well even though he works with his hands. I couldn't be happier with my Etsy ring buying experience.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's nice that you're happy with it! :)

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a great idea! Many people don't realize that they can get similar rings made at a much more affordable price. Large retails, especially designer retailers such as Tiffany's have insane retail markups due to brand name alone.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

i was told by SEVERAL women of varying backgrounds that a man should invest 3-6 months of his income in an engagement ring -- and that if he does NOT do this, he is not financially investing in the marriage.

personally, forgive my french, i think that's bullshit and i have since placed each of those women in the bad category regarding relationships. i do not seek their counsel and i never take their "happy" descriptions of their relationships seriously anymore.

i honestly don't want to know, need to know or care how much my future engagement ring will be. i never knew why other women needed to know either.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Lol 3-6 months would be better invested in a down payment for a home or to purchase land!

I think some other women like to know because they use it as a competing status symbol with each other. They want to know the price, the cut, the carat amount etc. just to compare who's fiancé/husband makes more or how much he is willing to spend to say 'I love you.'

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

my boss was proud when she told me her husband (33 at the time) bought hers for close to 7000 or so dollars. she loves the cut, color, and shine. she shows it off often.

i don't doubt she loves her husband but i do find it weird that some women SWEAR by this metric before saying "yes".

before, i didn't even KNOW how much rings, bands, weddings cost. now that i know, i would feel terrible spending anything north of 1500-2000 for the rings, the wedding, the dress, everything together.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Right? The retail costs for rings is insane and, coupled with the wedding, would set some people into debt.

I'm not sure if you've seen Four Weddings on TLC, but they list the cost of the contestants' weddings and I can't believe that people would spend upwards of $40 000 - $100 000. I'm thinking that most can't afford it because they are competing to win a honeymoon trip.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Four weddings is such a bitchfest. I don't understand how anyone would willingly participate in that. And it bugs me how female centric those weddings always are. Like it's her day, not theirs. Just not special or romantic or a celebration of love at all.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's scary how intense some of them can be. A free trip would be nice but at the cost of inviting critical strangers to the wedding and having to "perform" for them, nope no thanks lol

[–]frozen_strawberry1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly. And I don't know what it's like on the American version but in germany they even give them the best seats so they won't deduct points for "not being able to see anything". It's so stupid. A wedding is supposed to be for friends and family, not strangers. And another thing: here they call it the perfect wedding. In my opinion, what makes a wedding perfect isn't strangers there judging.
/End bitching.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah some of them do that in the Canadian and American versions. It's ridiculous when contestants start complaining about not seeing the ceremony--or not understanding the language when the ceremony isn't in English.

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I love my ring!

My fiance spent a decent amount on my ring - about $5000. He had it specifically made to match my tastes. It's gorgeous!

Of course I would have said yes if he proposed with an onion ring. And I would have said yes if he went to Jared and came back with something that wasn't me. But he didn't and I'm thrilled. Not only is it an amazing symbol of our commitment, but its also a piece of jewelry that I love wearing. I only take it off to shower and sometime I have to peek out of the shower to make sure its safe on the counter.

My fiance loves how much I love my ring. We both worked really hard to achieve the financial stability and success we have today, so I think it made him feel really good to go out and get me my dream ring.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh that's nice you that you appreciate his pick of a ring so much and that you both worked hard to get it :)

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That is rather unfortunate. That was nice of the mother-in-law to help out though.

[–]Aitikulta2 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

We looked at styles together when we knew we wanted to get married, as he wanted to get an idea of my style and taste. We visited many stores until he said he knew what he liked. That was it on my behalf, he had my ring size and knew what I liked and didn't like and the rest was up to him. We've been very RP before we even knew about it.

My ring is perfect to me as it represents us and our commitment to each other. I have no idea how much it costs but it doesn't matter to me. It's not huge and flashy but it's perfect for me. He picked a style that works and flatters my tiny fine boned hands and he picked yellow gold which warms my pale skin. He hand picked a diamond that he thought looked the nicest. It in no way cost 3 months salary, but it was never about that to us. It was about the marriage.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, it's the marriage that counts most of all. That's what makes the ring perfect in my opinion, because it's a reminder of that commitment, like you mentioned.

[–]mrscross2 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

My husband and I spent less on our entire wedding than most of these people spent on their rings! I know a lady who upgrades her ring every so often...she has dropped over 10k on rings. I feel like you invest in your marriage with love, not with a large sparkly object. Not to say there is anything wrong with an expensive ring, just that it isn't a requirement or the only way to show commitment.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why the constant upgrades? I've heard of people doing that for their tenth or fiftieth though.

By all means if people can afford it that's great but it isn't required for him to drop a small fortune on it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know where I heard it but "I want a marriage not a wedding" is something that has stuck with me through the years. The wedding rings and all that other fluff don't really matter in the big picture. If you can have a grand old wedding that is great but I don't think it is necessary to have a successful relationship. You wind up paying 10k-100k for one night of feeding others to demonstrate that you are solidifying your relationship. Is that really necessary? I personally don't think so. Now if you make it your priority and that you NEED to have the wedding in order to believe that you are in a committed relationship, then there is a problem.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a good way to put it! Whatever amount spent on the wedding is fine, just as long as you're able to recognize that it won't dictate the type of marriage that you'll work towards having.

[–]AEtherialSkies 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

His desire to choose you as his wife should matter more than the ring.

This is one of the most accurate statement I've heard with regards to the whole engagement situation. You shouldn't have to have an expensive ring, because that extra money can be spent on your life together with your husband.

Thanks for sharing this story.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have to give that credit my mom for that piece of advice, she mentioned that when we were talking about the article. :)

Precisely, that extra money could be invested into the future!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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