Red Pill Parenting?

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2019-05-31T14:27:24+00:00

I too would like some Rid Pill parenting sources.

I will say this much - much of the toxicity in the world revolves around external validation. I am trying to teach my little daughter that by virtue of the fact that she exists means that she has value. Validation should come from within, and not from external things (material, others opinion of you, etc).

I feel that this is an important lesson to learn at an early age, and I would have had much less pain in my life if I had learned it earlier.

Kara__El · 2019-05-31T14:42:58+00:00

Don't give them smartphones. I work with teens and some of the most toxic influence comes through their phones. The bullying never ends, not even when school let's out. The sexual solicitation is constant. Boys trade nudes of girls like playing cards and girls are just expected to send them. Teens are addicted to porn in shocking numbers, giving them unhealthy and unrealistic sexual expectations. Some teenage boys are already showing signs of erectile dysfunction from this over exposure.

Teenagers' brains do not function like adult brains. They're as different from adult brains as children's are. They cannot comprehend lifelong consequences and there are so, so many that start with a smartphone. I'd suggest keeping them out of your child's hands until they're 16 and then allowing them one so that you can help them to use it responsibly before they're on their own. Most importantly, it's your phone, that they are using. They have no right to privacy on it, because that's simply the nature of technology.

ManguZa · 2019-05-31T19:00:10+00:00

Teach them to trust themselves.

Teach them delayed gratification.

Teach them to interact positively with others.

Helmet_Icicle · 2019-05-31T17:39:00+00:00

A lot of the responses here are about setting boundaries in a futile attempt to feel in control. That's an irreparable and egotistic mistake.

It's not "porn" or "smart phones" or "electronics" that ruin your children with bad influences, it's your inability to guide them through the minefield of contemporary media, and life in general. When you remove their access to something, you also remove their ability to learn how to overcome it, and all future obstacles. And tangentially, removing porn and smart phones of all things from your children's grasp is a great way to kill any social development they might have. That's an egregiously out of touch notion. Who wants to be friends with the kid who has no phone? Who wants to date the teen who doesn't know about sex?

Realize now, rather than later when it's too late, that you cannot control your children's decisions. They are their own beings with their own minds and they will find a way to subvert your authority if you don't accept their agency and work with it in mind.

Instead, the best mode of guardianship is simply to be a good role model. Demonstrate how your values allow you to succeed in situations that they can observe. Prove to them, with results, that if they do what you do then they will be able to achieve success. When they are adults, you want the small voice they hear in the back of their heads to be yours and you want your voice to be informed, productive, and judicial.

BinRAXX47 · 2019-05-31T14:26:21+00:00

Block porn at all costs

Anoters · 2019-06-01T01:12:09+00:00

For your son r/nofap

Not masturbating from a young age will improve his life so much. It changes the way you look at women, increases testosterone, gives you more time to focus on improving your life. Also reduces the chance of erectile dysfunction.

Another thing would be try to stop video game addiction. While some video games isn’t bad, it can get to the point where it affects how much he improves his life outside of the game.

CRGRO · 2019-05-31T22:08:05+00:00

Teach your daughter RP woman mentality and be RP towards your son, and ask your husband to do the same for your son and daughter respectively. It's an attitude with RP imo.

trumpasaurus_erectus · 2019-05-31T16:00:02+00:00

We let our kids have electronics, but only for about 30 mins a day. We also only let them have it while we are able to physically watch what they're doing. Others are right that tech today is one of the biggest bad influences for kids. We also have a rule that they are absolutely not allowed to have any social media accounts until they are 18.

For good influences we use religion, clubs (Heritage Girls for our girls and Trail Life for our son), and make sure that physical fitness is a big part of their lives. Their still too young for weights IMO, but I do take the older two out for runs on the weekends and they also have gymnastics.

Kaboomboomboomboom · 2019-05-31T20:38:20+00:00

I do not have children yet. What taught me the most is how I perceived my mother. Therefore I believe it’s very important to keep working on your marriage and on your femininity so that your daughter can learn that.

immaculacy · 2019-06-01T03:36:09+00:00

A few tips I think are good:

Kids don't need iphones. Middle schoolers do not need social media accounts. I mean... you never really need one. But if you let your kids have one later, be careful. Even if you delete something, you don't know who saved it before you deleted it.

Same thing if you let them use the computer. Block suspicious sites and limit their time they spend on it.

It's better to talk to friends face to face than online.

TV has a big impact on kids/teens. There are a lot of shows (and movies) that are... trashy, and kids especially girls think it's cool and popular to imitate them. Be careful of TV.

A lot of regrets and painful things happen because they didn't even know doing something else was an option. Like "Wait, I didn't have to make sure I kissed someone by the time I was 13?? You mean I could have waited??" Kids almost don't even realize there's other options sometimes, and simply saying "it's ok - or even good - not to do that" can help them out a lot. Just HEARING that there are other options makes those options so much more open.

Teach them not to give in to peer pressure. Most bad stuff happens because they think they're a "loser" if they don't do it. Having no self control is more losery than anything else. Resisting pressure is a good quality. It feels good to look back and have no bad regrets and to know you did what was good for you.

Teach them the amazingness of waiting for marriage. Many people who waited say it's the best decision they've ever made. It's the most romantic and fun and beautiful thing to have one person in life be your everything.

I hear some people saying stuff like "Kids need phones! It will ruin their social life!" I never had a phone in high school and I had the best social life. It was better BECAUSE I didn't have a phone. But if the kid really needs to text, it's fine to let them. A regular phone without all the gadgets is fine for this. Teach them not to be on their phone when there are other people around though. Being the person who's sitting on their phone when they should be talking to the people right next to them is awful and no one wants to be friends with that person.

Don't teach boys and girls different when it comes to morals. Your daughter doesn't need to give up sex and neither does your son. There's no difference in saving it for your husband or saving it for your wife. In fact people doing one and not the other makes the other depressing and deters it from happening.

I noticed that getting into a sport helps a lot of teenagers stay off too many drugs and going down a sketchy path, and it helps with academics. A sport is good for your health and it's also good for your personality.

g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-06-05T05:18:12+00:00

I would encourage you to read the book The Vanishing American Adult by Ben Sasse. He covers a lot of different topics but includes great general principles.

In general, your kids will do what you do, not what you say. So if you say, for example, “my faith is important to me” but don’t go to church or pray, they will learn it’s really not that important. You can insert anything into “my faith.” Your children learn norms from you. So if you watch TV 8 hours a day, you shouldn’t be surprised that your kid is addicted to YouTube.

I don’t think smart phones should be banned forever, but I definitely think many kids are getting them at too young of an age with too few restrictions. They are designed to be addictive. I’ve discussed with my husband and we plan to use a tracking system that logs whatever is typed rather than just relying on parental controls. That way we can find out sooner if something bad is happening rather than trusting that the blocker is working. “Trust but verify.” So we will start with the kids having a certain screen time limit that will grow as they get older, but with the understanding that there is no such thing as online privacy from mom and dad.