TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

72

Hey gentlemen, I massively fucked up with a plate and it’s usually not like me as I know better to do what I did. However, I want advice from the community on how to possibly remedy the situation or maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Excuse if it’s lengthy.

So I’ve been hooking up with a plate/fwb for the last couple months. We went to high school together several years ago and know many of the same people and we have mutual friends. Things are going well and we’re friends in addition to fuck buddies. We see each other roughly once to twice a week. She went to a wedding several hours away this weekend. We chatted about logistics about meeting when she got back and had some sexual banter. She randomly disclosed she was picking up her dog from her ex on the drive back to our hometown (he lives like an hour or two away) and was spending the night there to which I said “that’s cool” and I end the conversation.

She came over yesterday and we fucked. She started to confide in me about her ex on how they didn’t have sex (which is probably bull shit) and while they had dinner he stated that he misses her for like doing laundry, cooking, etc. but he simply isn’t physically attracted to her (she’s not bad looking either) and that he hasn’t had desire to fuck women or date them. I suggested low T. She continues to say she cried on the way home the next morning before coming to see me and that it would never work between them because they rarely had sex. I say “that sucks you cried but you seem pretty invested still if you cried about it and you guys are still friends. Probably best if you cut contact so you can move on.” The conversation steered about being with me (I know, FUCK). She said that we’re purely physical “yeah you’re good looking, in shape and you’re really good in bed, but I can’t see you fulfilling me emotionally.” I was a bit caught off guard she randomly said this and I entered her frame “I’m genuinely curious, why’s that?” “You won’t try and chase me. I know it. I need someone to break down my emotional barriers plus you don’t seem keen on marriage.”

I completely entered her frame at this point. This is where I feel I really fucked up on top of the other fuck ups. I ended up telling her about my oneitis for about 3 years and the blue pilled dream I had with her and how it didn’t work out. I admitted it’s been hard to emotional bond since, but I’m starting to not oppose the idea (in general, not with her). I finished up with saying so I understand why it’s hard to move on sometimes. That’s where we left off and said our good byes.

How bad did I fuck up here? I’m 95% certain we’re still going to fuck as I fuck her good and I make her cum orally every time. Could opening up to my plate/fwb been a good thing to relate to her and her situation with her ex? For the record, I have no intentions of dating her and we don’t go out on dates, but we are friends and have a good conversation. She just comes over.


[–]2319Skew125 points126 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Plates break. If you are investing in a plate you're missing the point.

[–]barn3r[S] 34 points35 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Very good point

[–]EvolvedVirus7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Also why do you think she's investing in you to have sex? For the potential of being a girlfriend.

If you're a liar who is just pumping her and then will eventually dump, then she will eventually find out and find someone else.

Women and men bond. Then they either get bound, or the girl cycles satellites that eventually make crash landings as she is orbiting the big alpha she likes, or the guy juggles plates that eventually break.

Of course there are guys who may have a sex-buddy for 12 years+ but it's an LTR. It's basically a marriage without the state being involved and without joint accounts.

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly! That’s why I knew her saying that she doesn’t view me as someone for dating was a ploy. Of course you do, that’s why you’re fucking me. So that’s why I said the stupid shit I said, but I took it too far with the whole past oneitis. I think the “I’m not opposed to an emotional connection” would have been enough.

[–]EvolvedVirus2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No that was fine. I don't see the issue at all.

the story is good: he used to be in love and all that, but then some bitch broke his heart and now he can't love anyone anymore and emotional connections are super hard...

For the marriage proposal, I dunno. I think that's where you fucked up.

[–]barn3r[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah in her fucking dreams lol

[–]EvolvedVirus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Playa the main lessons you need are from this song:

Fish On [nsfw]

You failed to keep the bait on the hook, you just offered it a smaller fish.

[–]Erikacoleman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly

[–]awkwardtouching 1 points [recovered]  (17 children) | Copy Link

Well listen, you know what you did wrong. You caught feelings and got pulled into her fuck fuck mind games.

[–]barn3r[S] 6 points7 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. What do you suggest I do?

[–]awkwardtouching 1 points [recovered]  (15 children) | Copy Link

The fact that you have to ask is the key to what you're missing: you've caught feelings for a plate, and are overly invested in spinning the plate. We have a term for that on this board, it's called oneitus.

You thought it was gone, but it wasn't. It was just dormant, waiting for her to give you the slightest glimmer of bullshit feelings for you. She, feeling you pull away, tested you and you took the bait hook line and sinker. Now she knows she still has you. She may fuck you, who knows, but the power dynamic has completely shifted.

So you decide...do you let the plate fall? Do you go back to spinning her and see if you can reclaim the power dynamic? All of that's pretty irrelevant until you deal with your feelings for her. You have caught feelings for and that is seriously obvious, but she's firmly in control of the dialogue and the relationship at this point.

Personally, I'm always a fan of letting the beta onitus run it's course. There is no greater teacher of TRP principals than desperately throwing yourself at a woman and experiencing the misery that follows, and also no greater cure for oneitus. It may sound crazy, but you'll internalize the pain way more than you'll ever internalize anything we can tell you.

[–]tardiswho2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude. That was deep.

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

There’s no way in hell I’d get into a relationship with her. Feelings or not, I’m not investing that far into this. She spent the night at her ex bfs house lol while he’s spilling out his heart over text at my place, she’s fucking me. That’s all I need to know to not invest anymore than what I have already. But you’re totally right, I’m way over investing in this one plate. Thanks for stating the obvious I’m failing to see.

[–]awkwardtouching 1 points [recovered]  (10 children) | Copy Link

You aren't just over-investing in one plate...you have feelings for this girl. You keep calling this girl a plate, but that's utter denial of what she is. You caught feelings, she's not a plate anymore. You were clearly vague about your past relationship which just shows how much you are guarding this relationship. You were hoping someone here would be able to read through your own mental gymnastics, so hey...here I am.

Obviously I was joking about dating her...

All she can do at this point is torment you, even if you keep having sex. That she was able to trigger so many feelings with literally one short conversation. A conversation she initiated because of your history and to test if you were still invested...well listen I think you're really deeply in denial about this girl.

Stop seeing her, entirely. Put her completely in the past and never look back. She has shown red flags to you in this story alone, let alone the ones you know in your head and won't share.

Let this thing go, and go find a reasonable and compatible LTR prospect.

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Idk man. I just like fucking her. This is the first time we had a conversation like this. Not the first time she’s brought up this dude but I usually just change the subject as TRP instructs. I enjoy the sex and the 30 mins convo following it which is usually about sex. We rarely ever text each other besides logistics. I don’t see why I would just break a plate, because she’s not LTR worthy. Yeah I like her, we have fun. But I wouldn’t say she torments me. I let her know I fuck other girls. She’s cool with it and even open minded to a threesome. Besides yesterday which I wouldn’t consider much of drama, she’s been the easiest going plate I’ve had. She texts me and we make logistics for fucking.

I don’t really want a LTR though. I just fed her “I’m starting to feel not opposed to a emotional connection” because I know she wants to hear that to help keep the plate spinning. Dangle carrot if you will. I just feel I really fucked up disclosing my last oneitis. I just want to spin super kinky least drama plates so far she’s fit the bill.

[–]awkwardtouching 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

I just fed her “I’m starting to feel not opposed to a emotional connection” because I know she wants to hear that to help keep the plate spinning. Dangle carrot if you will. I just feel I really fucked up disclosing my last oneitis.

I dunno man, your story keeps switching up as its convenient. To me it sounds like you were in full post-sex bitch mode, admitting feelings and taking a slant route to feeling her out for an LTR

But what do I know? I'm having to read between the lines of your BS. Do you, bud.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I did go full bitch mode admitting my past oneitis to relate to her not getting over her ex which I immediately realized after she left was a mistake. However, at no point did I admit feelings towards her, that I wanted a LTR with her (only a fucking idiot would LTR her), but I knew the premise of her stating her not wanting a commitment with me was most likely a ploy. I just went about it the totally wrong way and went too far with it.

[–]EvolvedVirus2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't think you fucked it up that bad, not to confirm your beliefs or anything.

she's playing games with you

She's playing the same game all women play. "does he love me?!" "will he marry me?" These are the things they fantasize about.

As long as you aren't easy cheese, then she will still find you a challenge. But if you're just cheese sitting there and sticking to her she's gonna try to kick you off and find better gourmet french cheese.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, could have been worse like completely AMOGing her ex for making her cry or after her saying “...I don’t think you can fulfill me emotionally” I confess my undying love for her or some stupid shit. I thought sharing my story would have bull shit her enough into giving her hope that maybe she could have her blue pilled dream with me. But hindsight, I don’t think that was the best idea.

[–]dasani71 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why do u care if u fucked up with her if u don't want anything from her but sex?

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep the plate spinning. Sex is good.

[–]Black_m0ngoose0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey man. You had fun at the beach.

Now you see storm clouds and maybe even some forked lightning on the horizon.

It's time to pack up and go home. Stop waiting around hoping for better weather when all the signs are pointing to you getting caught in a real bad storm. You had your fun, move along.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m always looking for the next beach. I know this plate will break inevitably if it hasn’t already. I’ll know for sure this weekend if she decides to reach out to fuck or not.

[–]dontbeanasshole7770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Misery is a great teacher, great saying.

[–]RivenHalf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best comment I've ever read here, 20/10

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed[🍰] 55 points56 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

You became an emotional tampon to someone who clearly wasn't looking for one and didn't deserve it.

Then on top of it you professed your weakness.

Good thing you go down on her a lot. Does it taste salty with thick discharge frequently?

Where is your self esteem?

[–]Ill_mumble_that59 points60 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Jesus christ, he asked for criticism not a no-lube ass fucking.

[–]barn3r[S] 37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I know, right? Might as well be his plate after that ass ramming. But he has a point and is trying to help.

[–]StopGaming12349 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

OP I like you

[–]barn3r[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No homo?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Full homo

[–]barn3r[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Is it professing my weakness though? Even if so, is it a bad thing in this case? I stated the reason why I’m not very emotionally available. Why is that a bad thing? Emotional unavailability I would think is a good thing in a fuck buddy situation.

I make her cum quick focusing on the clit, sir and have yet to notice a thick, salty discharge.

[–]Fulp_Piction2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah the content was spot on, sorta, but you took all the alpha context you developed, set it on fire then pissed on the ashes.

[–]barn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, the intentions were right, but the delivery sucked fucking dick.

[–]EvolvedVirus2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You were doing just fine, until you accepted her marriage proposal. Are you inviting the rest of us to your wedding?

[–]barn3r[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I always wanted a woman to propose me. Yes, you will all be RSVP’ed under TRP Chad Thundercocks.

[–]EvolvedVirus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I knew you wouldn't forget us... We will hold your hand and give you to the groom. We're so proud of you.

[–]redbananaboard7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If your goal is to only spin plates (which I think for now it is). Don't over think the situation and don't judge yourself. TRP is not an unbreakable code or rules set in stone. TRP are principles to help you become your ideal of the best man you can be. This being said. You fell on her frame, you were her emotional tampon. So what? You did what felt like the right thing to do at that moment. However, don't make it a habit. Learn the lesson, move on, and next time you meet go back to your spinning plates frame. And as many said already, plates break. That's just the way the game is. If shit gets too emotional and you don't want it who the fuck cares. You next her and find another girl or girls. Hope it helps homie.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Valuable comment and appreciated. I don’t see why people are saying just break the plate? Why turn down good sex, because she’s not LTR material? LTR isn’t what I want from women right now. Isn’t the point of plates is just to keep getting laid while adding and dropping some to vet for what you’re looking for? I’m always trying to get new plates and maintaining the good sex ones as that’s what I want right now.

[–]rbro19870 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

They arent saying it because you did anything inherently wrong. Theyre saying it because after you said all that you came here to figure out if you overinvested. It shows you care too much about how you come across to her. Trust me. I ran into the same thing just recently. Plated a former oneitis and was doing fine. I gave her the same sort of comfort you did since i could tell the hamster was ruining her life. Told her about the oneitis i used to have while demonstrating that it no longer applied. However by overextending and not letting the plate break when i should have, i began to care way too much and she got too comfortable. And thats when the signs of branch swinging and mind games came back. Dont be like me. Let it break

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I’m thinking it’s time to withdraw a bit and get myself right before catching oneitis. However, I don’t really need to put effort into arranging meet ups, so I’ll let the plate break on her own accord.

[–]rbro19870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be wary of that too. Did the same thing and almost got roped back in. Expect lots of emotional manipulation and baiting on your way out the door. For real. After i told her all that shit she used it against me, called me insecure, said i thought she was still too good for me etc. Lots of projection. Any sort of waffling on your end will be seen as weakness.

[–]rubydachurro12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The phrase’ “ she’s not yours it’s just your turn” comes to mind. Could have just said, “at least you’re fucking me” when she said you couldn’t fulfill her emotionally. Don’t be her emotional tampon.

[–]barn3r[S] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

She did say this “you know maybe it could work between him and I if we had an open relationship. He can be my emotional provider and I can get the physical aspect somewhere else.” I said yeah be with him, but fuck me.

You’re right though. I went a bit too overboard trying to seem like I have an emotional side to me.

[–]Ill_mumble_that7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

She doesnt deserve to see your emotions. Besides, women only value 1 single male emotion and the rest is baggage.

The only emotion women value is your Sexual Desire for them. Anything else is bullshit and makes you look weak.

[–]barn3r[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good point

[–]dannybsurf2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well said. Can you elaborate a little more on this? You say that women value only our sexual desire for them, but besides a sexual desire, how can we connect with them emotionally?

For myself, if I have shown I am vulnerable to a woman (not a bitch but show I am emotionally strong and not afraid to feel) she breaks down her barriers and I fuck on the first night.

If I hold back and only try and fuck without any emotional connection, without showing her I’m emotionally capable of handling anything, She doesn’t let her guard down.

But for the op it seems that he already had a connection with her and him showing his weaknesses would only hinder his progress as it would do no good for him unless he was trying to wife up.

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women either dont give a shit about your emotions, or they think you are weak. Theres no benefit to exposing yourself to them. The exception is if they think you are stone cold but SHE was the one to get you to open up because SHE is so special. That is a little fantasy a lot of women have. They want to be that "special one" or "soul mate" or other stupid shit. "She was the only one that could change him."

That ties back to female reproductive strategy. They can only choose 1 mate at a time to be the parent of their child. So this whole "one true love" or "special one" bullshit makes them wet.

But that shit is a parlor trick. It doesn't last. Maybe good for 1 night stands.

They dont understand that men, being masculine real men, dont think that way. We can have 30 children with 30 different women at the same time if we wanted to and had the ability. This concept never even enters their mind. Our basic reproductive strategy is very different from theirs.

[–]StopGaming12342 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Really don't overthink this. Maybe you fucked up, maybe you didn't. Only her actions will tell over time.

You say she is a plate, so why worry?

Just never mention your "dream" with your old oneitis to a girl again unless you want to become an orbiter and have no desire to fuck them.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re right. I appreciate the advice.

[–]MarioBuzo1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

On top of what you already know about giving out your weaknesses etc.

I said “that’s cool”

Never answer that in this case, it's saying more than "I don't care."

Probably best if you cut contact so you can move on

Don't tell her what to do. Women generally speak without wanting advice in return, especially from men.

How bad did I fuck up here?

She's just a plate and she's trying around for better men than her ex. You don't fit. Cut contact and see if she comes for the dick, that's all, don't call.

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She usually reaches out to me anyway for hook ups. I don’t see that stopping. But I can assume us fucking is until she finds the next beta she’s going to try and lock down.

[–]777views1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

“But I can’t see you fulfilling me emotionally”

....”Ok, get lost then.”

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That definitely would have been better than what I said lol

[–]WIA20XX1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're moving out of the realm of the red pill and into game. Given that she was vomiting all this stuff, likely that your alpha was on its last legs anyway.

Not all hope is lost.

It really depends on whether you get the next fuck or not. Cause if she fucks, thinking that you might crack for a relationship, she'll probably fuck you much longer than she would have otherwise.

Judicious disclosure of vulnerabilities is an old school trick.

These days PUAs and Red Pill Guys are too cool for school using emotions to bring a chick deeper, but if you was getting with chicks prior to Facebook this stuff was much more common.

If she doesn't fuck, well you fucked up.

If she does leave, or starts looking for an LTR, keep the door open. They get what they "want" and get bored

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Back when I was in high school, Facebook just became a thing. I remember I would frequently talk about feelers to slide in a girl’s pants or increase interest/attachment. Always worked. However, I definitely toned that down quite a bit to get a plate because it can be viewed as beta. But always works best in maintaining a plate before I knew about TRP. There were times I would say “yeah I’ll date you” to keep getting the lay, but continue as if I never said that. A bit deceiving, but let’s be honest, women do a lot worse.

[–]Nushuktan-Tulyiagby1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

“You won’t try and chase me. I know it. I need someone to break down my emotional barriers plus you don’t seem keen on marriage.”

That's a shit test. She wants you to submit to her will and wants to be able to treat you like she treats her boyfriend who is probably still thinking that her and him are still dating. Hold frame and call her out on her shit test. Say shes probably right, you won't be emotionally there for her and watch her crawl back on her words.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sounds like a much better way of handling it. Thanks.

[–]Happyanduknowitclap1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You're overthinking it. Who cares if you shared your feelings. As long as you did it from a place of strength I see no issue.

Its fucking exhausting to analyze and look at each and every conversation through a political and power dynamics based lens. Nobody got time for that shit. Shes probably already forgotten too. Jesus Christ we're all human beings. So what if she knows you had a dream about her. Congratulations you're human just like the rest of us 7.8 billion.

Dont overthink this shit man. If anything it checks the box of hers that every woman has "he shares with meeeee"

Focus on keep on building yourself. I swear this thread is full of insecure folks with fragile egos..

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That’s uplifting. I appreciate it. It did cross my mind that I’m over analyzing this whole thing. At the end of the day, who cares. Maybe the plate breaks, maybe not.

[–]Happyanduknowitclap1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude, my advice is you're already doing everything right.

At the end of the day RP is just another ideology. Dont let it stop you from being and feeling human when the moment calls for it. Or else people will think you're an autistic sperg. In life there are moments where its acceptable to be and feel vulnerable. That's my understanding. Life is short and cant get caught up in these trivial things.

Some of this frame holding shit and stoicism advice I see here takes it too far. Yes, hold frame. Be stoic. But also be human. What do the 'experts' here reccomend doing when a pet or family member dies for example? I'm not going to act like an unfeeling retard when a family member dies, I will mourn, from a place of strength. But still mourn, and be vulnerable only as much as its appropriate. The key is just controlling that shit.

You've shared a lot of moments with this girl. Sex, in my opinion, is a profoundly emotional act, and it's definitely normal that you feel somewhat bonded to her. So yeah man, just take everything you hear with a grain of salt and apply it to your own unique situation.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not going to lie my alpha turned down significantly when she confided in me that she drove home crying. She has a strong personality, so I imagine her ex telling her she doesn’t measure up hurt her a bit and the fact alone she had the courage to tell me wasn’t easy. I felt being human with her and sharing my experiences to relate and maybe as a means to see a side of me she hasn’t seen that she just admitted was lacking for her.

Thanks for your insight.

[–]unorthodoxcowboy3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Sounds as if she’s into cuckolding, or she’s trying to set things up that way and she’s feeling you out to see if you’ll be down for it. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not worth the drama in my opinion.

[–]barn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Maybe. However, she is very keen on having a FFM threesome and is totally cool with me fucking other girls. She actually asks me here and there if I found a suitable person for the threesome yet. I could care less if she got back with him yet still fucks me.

[–]unorthodoxcowboy3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have your fun just be mindful of her luggage. The hamster is strong with that one.

[–]Ill_mumble_that4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Just hurry up and have that threesome. This one is hitting the wall.

[–]barn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I give it another month tops.

[–]Ill_mumble_that3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She wants to have a baby. It's only natural. Eggs drying up every day since she turned 16. Tis the fate of all plates.

[–]barn3r[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said, brother

[–]Garathon1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

So fucked, you are.

[–]barn3r[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How so?

[–]Garathon1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lost frame completely, you did. No effort she had to make.

[–]barn3r[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. I fucked up.

[–]GGrub80 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Prime example of AF/BB and betaization rolled into one.

She has a clear agenda in her mind, nothing of what you described seems to come from genuine desire on her part.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What’s her agenda? Get me to commit to her LOL?

[–]GGrub81 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Precisely.

From what you said, her feelings are focused on herself ("I can't see you fulfilling ME emotionally"), rather than you. She didn't say something like "I like you and I wish to be part of your life", plus the very fact she even mentioned another man is her way of saying "This is a limited time offer, if you don't commit to me I'll find someone else who will".

She is trying to impose her frame over yours and she'll almost succeeded. I say "almost" because the fact you made this topic means you're aware something is up, so you can still salvage this by avoiding to enter her frame.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really like the first part you said “I like you and I wish to be part of your life” and her focusing on her wants. Thanks for pointing that out.

[–]Fulp_Piction0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You sound like a guy with no options, so you didn't really have a plate. You kinda did, but you really didn't.

Why does it matter if you fucked up?

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I fuck other girls.

[–]Fulp_Piction0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough, I wouldn't be too worried about which way the cards fell in that case. Guess it's a bit messy just.

[–]rizzyfromthe90 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The real problem here is that you want to invest in a plate that is meeting up with her ex.

Stop and think all that you read here if that is a good idea.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m well aware. She’s also aware I fuck other girls.

The whole point of me saying all that bull shit in the moment was to keep the hamster spinning. She’ll never be more than a fuckbuddy/friend from high school. But I realized what I said was a mistake, so I came here to get thoughts and advice.

[–]Lambdal70 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Literally nothing happened.

It’s good to show some softness. Plates brake quicker if you don’t show any.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I agree, but I think sharing my blue pilled dream oneitis was too much. I made myself vulnerable to give her hope and relate to her.

[–]Lambdal71 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Inspire hope. Withdraw completely ;)

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I just plan on soft nexting until she wants to fuck again

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why would you want to have any sort of social connection to someone you’re merely having sex with? That’s so stupid. Fuck them and get them out the door.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely agree with you. Yesterday was a very unusual meet up. The fact her ex told her he wasn’t physically attracted to her is probably what changed things up.

[–]prince0verit0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You fucked up before you think you did. When she started trying to tell you about the time with her ex you should have checked her right there. Sounds like there is way too much casual chit chat if she is that comfortable telling you about some other dude not dicking her down.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We’re pretty open about everything even to me fucking other girls that can be a potential for a third in a threesome. The chit chat is a norm, but usually not about this kind of shit about her ex. She hasn’t told these type of intimate details about anything like this before.

[–]thatbadrogue20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don’t see how this could hurt your standing, she wanted you to be emotionally ready and invested and you hit her with the “I used to be but you fucked it up”

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well she didn’t fuck it up. Another girl did a couple years back. I’ve dated since then with a 8 month and 6 month relationship. To be honest, I wasn’t completely invested emotionally in those relationships. I explained this to my plate and now after a couple years I’m feeling ready for it. However, that’s not the truth. I’m not interested in the effort a LTR requires right now.

[–]ThinSpiritual0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The only issue I'm seeing is that you are emotionally investing.

If it serves your sexual strategy, it's completely okay to tell a plate you're the commitment type. Do what you gotta do to get into her pants, right? But you're fucking up your own emotional stability.

She said you're not the commitment type, and you get into verbal intercourse with her to prove it that you are -- that's validation seeking behavior. You make her cum with your mouth every time. So? Did u enjoy it or because you wanted her to enjoy it. Do we have to pat on the back and credit you points for it? See what I'm saying?

So here's a piece of practical advice: Put in the time and effort to develop your pipeline, there are some major red flags with this girl and you're showing signs of oneitis. Telling you to control your emotions won't be useful because chances are, you'll just invest further.

So, go fuck other girls and distract yourself. Try your best to stay rational and stop putting up with her ex bs.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re totally right. I think I am getting some oneitis after further introspection today. I’m debating hard nexting. I know I’m going to be hamstering around her red flags. This wouldn’t be the first time. I just enjoy her more than other plates.

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Problem: you caught oneitis and got sprung on some slutty chick.

Solution: go fuck some other chicks

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m going ghost for a bit and getting some strange

[–]NoFaithInThisSub 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

smash and dash (the plate that is). Let it break, who cares.

[–]barn3r[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck yeah agreed

[–]0io-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As long as you're getting your needs met, I don't see anything wrong with talking or doing non-sexual stuff with a plate or OLTR. I don't think this is that big of a fuck-up. Some girls are fun to talk with. Getting sucked into her frame and being "mushy" isn't going to break you.

The situation you're in isn't a bad one. Fucking a girl who's trying to get some other guy(s) to marry her by playing hard-to-get is the classic Alpha Fucks situation. She goes out to the fancy restaurant with Richie Rich Betabux and insists that she can't have sex with him unless they're engaged. Maybe she gives him a little something. Then she sneaks back to your place and fucks you and complains that Richie Rich has no sex drive and his dick doesn't work and it's too bad that you're not a rich guy who wants to get married because you're so good in bed.

Eventually she'll become someone else's trophy wife and take half his stuff. You can probably keep fucking her the whole time.

You worry too much. Let her use you for sex, and if she's fun to talk with don't be shy about talking with her too. Just don't go and try to compete with Richie Rich Betabux to make her YOUR trophy wife.

[–]mrHoebot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Man, plates are just plates, chill. Plates don't matter much so act however you feel like with them, without any fear of consequences (I mean don't do illegal or stupid shit like beating them up or whatever), but basically, with plates, you can just chill. You lose some, you get some new ones, no big deal. You should only not be fucking up with ltrs.

[–]RivenHalf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're in denial, if it was "just a plate" you would not care as much as you do, not even close friend

[–]thecarryone0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

5 paragraph essay, not a plate bro...

[–]barn3r[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Context is important. “Plate talked about ex. She said she wouldn’t be with me because I’m not emotional enough. I admit my past oneitis to relate and give her hope of emotional compatibility. Did I fuck up?” Yeah I’m sure that would make a lot of sense.

Get lost, idiot.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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