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How to not get too attached? (self.asktrp)

submitted by throwaway19991312

Boys Im really fecking happy with my gf. I know its "just my turn". I know its just oxytocin making me feel attached but I still feel enjoy her despite knowing this.

How do you guys manage to not get attached to a girl ? I've never had this issue since Im usually a one night stand type of guy. Cheers for any advice in advance.


[–]LifeTopic162 points163 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Just experience I guess. Go get your heartbroken or something. Heck fuck the downvotes. Go get attached to her. Enjoy it. Because when she dumps you for whatever reason, you'll use that pain to become a new man. So yes. Go ahead and get attached, you need the experience.

[–]throwaway1999131248 points49 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thats just life I guess. Pity

[–]LifeTopic36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. Now go out there and live your life. No amount of asktrp advice can beat experience :)

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true. It's pretty hard to be cynical/cautious without actual experience justifying it

[–]Boovs4life13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Literally experiencing this right now. It fucking hurts but I learned from all my mistakes

[–]priapula1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same. Bro I feel. Im using this pain to drastically improve myself. Good luck to you.

[–]Sad_Sleeper4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true, i can related to that. Got my hearth broken. Lost my job because of that.

​

Reinvented my self and feeling better than i have ever been.

[–]TheRedPillRipper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

when she dumps you

This is the antithesis of ABUNDANCE MENTALITY. If she chooses to leave; so be it. You were hale, hearty and whole before her. So shall you be after.

My current KNOWS where the door is. That at any moment she’s free to walk right through it and out of my life. She hasn’t yet.

Keep your game tight and your mission tighter; and she might prefer your side of the doorway too. If she doesn’t; at least the door’s open.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]Matoutevoustuer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn.... that's harsh but so damn true...

[–]oOMoltenSkyOo44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In the words of AMS you have to prioritize in the following order: purpose (any lifegoals you have for example), gym, girlfriend. In addition create an abundance mindset by having options available.

[–]mickJagermeisterr30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Put yourself first. If you ever skip the gym / work / study or any self improvement practice to spend time with her, know you are getting lost and she will eventually notice you are settling down (we all know what happens when the girl feels like she's the only option you have).

[–]giggity237 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the most important lesson I have learned from my past relationships. Really hard to bring in practice though for me personally.

[–]0io-30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Everybody's advice is pretty good. I wouldn't worry about it. Just remind yourself going in that all relationships are temporary, even the ones that last until the end of your life.

A Buddhist monk had a fancy teacup. It was some kind of valuable antique, but he liked using it every day. He knew sooner or later somebody would knock it off the shelf and it would be smashed, so in his mind the teacup was already broken.

Maybe you'll fuck up with this new girl and she'll cheat on you a week from now. Maybe she'll still be with you in 20 years and then one day she gets run over by a bus on the way home from work. You can't obsess over this stuff.

Just enjoy it while it lasts.

[–]Unlikely_Composer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is such an underrated comment

[–]rizzyfromthe915 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you haven’t been through enough pain simply.

enjoy it, live in the moment.

[–]acp_rdit12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Its ok, just let it happen. Eventually you will come back asking how to get over being so attached :)

There is a paradox that is hard to internalize for young men who have been brainwashed by the media and their mothers. The number one thing you can do to maintain a relationship is know in your heart that you can walk away at any moment and you will be just fine. You never have to say it, you just carry it with you and she will feel it. That is the feeling that keeps her being good to you.

Also you can read some Buddhist shit that you can talk about with chicks and they will think you are really deep: https://hackspirit.com/zen-buddhism-attachments-lead-suffering-can/

[–]777views2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

When you’re with her how should you act? So she can feel that you can leave her any moment

[–]alittletoosmooth9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Options. This is the only real way. Or faking it.

If you have 2 cars, are you going to let a mechanic rip you off by charging you double on some maintenance when you know it's a bad deal? Hell no. You just drive the other car until you can figure out another plan. If you only have one car and you need it to get to work tomorrow morning, you don't have a choice. You are at the mechanic's mercy.

[–]acp_rdit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Options. This is the only real way. Or faking it.

The other option is internalizing that you would rather be alone and free than live in quiet desperation just to "be with" someone. That is really difficult since boys are basically indoctrinated from birth that their only worth is determined by women's appraisal of their qualities.

You always have the option of being alone. Once you accept that as a viable alternative then you are free. Everything else gets easier because you know you have the escape hatch available.

[–]alittletoosmooth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very true. Too many guys put up with shitty behavior. It's really a shame because it just makes it worse for everyone. Almost like a "prisoners dilemma" type of situation.

[–]SheriffBart426 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you actually believed that women are interchangeable (which they are), then you would clearly never really get oneitis. We all believe this yet it can still happen.

​

Then question is then.... what's the mechanism for how nature overcomes your objective truth? Well, I happen to believe that when you actually enjoy a woman's company your imagination goes to work. It starts to create a false narrative about her.

​

About her it says "She's different and special. She would be hard to replace." You become invested in future time you may spend together. She becomes integrated into your future plans. Her traits and attributes, which are ordinary, get elevated for no reason other than oxytocin. Basically, your hormones and mind team up to propagandize the fuck out of you because it will make you stupid enough to impregnate her.

​

So... what to do? You must be mindful. You must be aware when you're being hit with the propaganda and fight it. You must reject the programming and don't consent to those visions of her. All lies! And of course, repeat the red pill mantra. This is a religious battle. You're fighting temptation. And, of course, the mental side is just the start. You must also act in accordance. Which is all the other advice you see here. Pursue other women, focus on yourself, etc. etc.

[–]redpilllogin5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Spin plates...

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many men have this problem. Its ok to be attached/have a connection, just don't let it become need or oneitis.

Some tips would be: don't go out with her too much, don't spend too much of your non-sexual attention on her, keep abundance by talking to other women(you don't have to fuck them), stay busy, don't let her become more than 30% of your social life, keep hanging out with your friends, etc.

Good luck!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s not going to last so enjoy it while it’s there. The pain it will cause if things go sideways is the exact pain you need to be a motherfuckin’ baller ass pimp in the future.

[–]kayfab2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

its called life experience, but note i am older and got tone of it, at 47 now, its not easy, at all, but for me dating from 18 - 41 losing 2 houses and being single for 7y now, i guess i learned my lesson.... i tried to find a good women for 4y, and then i gave up,,,, for me dating, long term relationships, co habitation are all out the window, i have sex and its fine with me, then i get back to my hobbies.

[–]SeasonedRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No matter how many times it happens, it's always a bit of an ego blow when a plate breaks or LTR doesn't work out. Abundance is recommended on here a lot for a reason-it works. It really does soften the blow and helps you keep moving forward.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Enjoy it while it lasts, but:

  • make sure you always have other options
  • make your life awesome so that when she leaves you are still awesome

[–]gorilla_bro4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t let her dictate your daily life.

Focus on work while at work. Focus on gym while at gym.

She doesn’t need your attention allll day.

[–]ThinSpiritual3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't be autistic just get attached and enjoy it.

If you see red flags then prepare to detach yourself via practical ways --- start seeing others.

If you get bored one day for whatever reason, most likely due to a lack of sexual variety, recognize it, face it and detach yourself -- start seeing others.

Don't worry about the "it's just my turn mentality". Don't worry when shit goes south, both externally or internally within you. Address them with courage and don't drag things because you have a male hamster.

Good luck!

[–]Qba19941 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good answer!

[–]salieri1451 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Realise their true nature

[–]salieri1451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Internalize

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Start seeing another one. And another.

Can't get stuck to something if you're not around it for long enough.

[–]Don_Draper271 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It all starts in the beginning. You need to 100% be an individual. A lot if not most people search for an exclusive relationship believing that it will make them happy. This is a toxic approach and your relationship will fail because you are putting that responsibility on your partner.

And then your mindset comes into play. Your LTR "supplements" your lifestyle.

And then with time. I remember how I felt the first few months after being exclusive with my currently LTR. I was a bit relieved as the gaming / plating lifestyle can be exhausting at points. I was in the honeymoon phase and i definitely enjoyed it. Me and the LTR planned events to attend together and had trips. Of course we still do these things but after a year the bond becomes stronger but the excitement dulls down a bit.

Best advice I can give is to just enjoy it. A lot of guys with RP lens self forbid themselves from having the experience you're having now.

Also, keep working on your SMV. This is most important. If your SMV keeps rising up, your LTR will forever be on her toes for you.

[–]BoredOverlord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro if ur happy why ruin that. Just stay self-aware that’s all.

[–]Ackkracck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Live your life man. Stop wasting time trying to control emotions so suddenly. You need experience and time to grow. Life your life and be the best boyfriend you can. What happens happens. Be strong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

enjoy it while it lasts

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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