TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

42

Essay:

https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/19/the-wrong-girl/

Excerpt:

The ideology of personal responsibility is the Swiss army knife of subjectivist rationalization. “Extreme Ownership” is a lot like the “just be yourself” non-response people will give you when they don’t know what to tell you about your lack of Game. It sounds like wisdom, but it’s really based on the presumption of knowing a guy must always find fault in himself before any other consideration. Guys rarely struggle with overconfidence, but tell him the solution to his problems lies in him self-deprecating more and that he can get behind.

In this subjectivism there are no outside variables. There is no intentional maliciousness from others, or extenuating circumstances, only how you react to them and what you did to bring them on yourself. All the blame for anyone’s bad condition rests on the shoulders of the individual:

  • Your life is fucked up? Your fault.
  • Your Game/relationships suck? Your fault for tolerating it.
  • You think women are one way – a way counter to the popular norm? You’re just meeting the ‘wrong kind of women’.

Again, value judgements replace objectivity. If your life sucks it’s real easy to presume the individual is the cause of the suck. And any analysis (even the desire to objectively analyze) of other people’s will, motives or outside circumstance is always an excuse; a redirection away from owning the suck yourself.

Maybe that person was the ‘right‘ one all along, you just were the wrong one for her? Self-doubt is a key element in subjectivism.


[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't matter who's fucking fault it is, adjust fire and assault forward. Extreme ownership is a valid mentality, because no one "Ever" does 100% all they can. If something you try doesn't work attack from a new area, dont get caught up in blame, try something new. I've been a complete fuck up in my life, I'm getting better, I suck less today than I did yesterday, but if an issue comes up and I'm honest with myself.... well I probably am the cause of it.

[–]ibelieveican19825 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Rand al'Thor.. the dragon reborn ;)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Who me? Nah just a farm boy who left home, dad gave me this old sword before I left.... ;)

[–]LghtrThrstngGods2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Stop tugging on braids, you fucking nerds, and go lift something heavy! \m/

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"Sniff"

How do you think I get through my ruck sacking workouts on fridays? Audiobooks my man!

[–]threekindsofluckyGrinding2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Fucking nerds

 

 

 

Matt is the real hero.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I hated Matt so badly at the start. Became my absolute favorite by the end. "Its time to toss the dice..."

[–]chillanous1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely, Matt was a little bitch out of the gate but he's probably my favorite hero in all of fantasy lit by the end.

[–]SKRedPill4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree about putting yourself in the drivers' seat and taking full responsibility for your life and needs. It is true a lot of us are totally where we are because of ourselves (by which I mean we sucked for real) and we need to listen to what our lives are telling us and work on ourselves. We guys are far more responsible for our present state of affairs than we realize and it's also us who can turn things around.

However, there is a thin line, which if you cross, can result in this turning into toxic shame, self blame and completely absolving the other person of whatever they do -- we like to think there is an ideal reality out there and its entirely our fault for not getting there - sometimes we'd like to think our woman was ideal but because of our faults shit happened - but sometimes the ideal never really existed. No one is perfect or faultless, but all can get better.

It's this pedestalizing women and self depreciating subtext that I do not like. If I suck, it has to be grounded in reality rather than simply be a shaming statement. As such there is enough shaming going around - people are willing to abuse you and then blame you for it without a conscience and here men are behaving like the abuse victim that believes it's only ever his fault.

We are far more powerful when we take responsibility for ourselves. But one certainly need not (and should not) carry the sins of another on one's own head.

A statement like "It was your fault" - must come from the truth - not simply emotion. It's time to look at it more objectively than just in an emotionally charged, but unrealistic manner.

However it doesn't matter whose fault it is once the house is burned down. The only thing you ever really can do is grieve in dignity and then get to work right away on building a new house, because that's the only thing that's real. All right, get a male buddy who can understand your pain, eventually get back to this moment - do what it takes. But eventually you'll have to fix that burned down house - it's either that, or the street.

When you realize that you can either choose to be depressed about what life throws at you, or bring in your own power and tell yourself that you will keep yourself up no matter what - that's when you break free of the world and find something more within.

When my life and marriage collapsed (and it was a disaster when it lasted), I was awake enough to know I had a choice - go down the slippery slope or choose to get up and stay up as a way to live, no matter what happens. I couldn't see myself going downhill, so I got back up, and now I've begun to find the happiness that comes from abundance, and strength. Once the past stopped weighing on me, I've been lighter and way happier than before, just as a way to live, not because something happened or someone happened (that's still there, but now I use the highs when I need and the lows hardly bother me like before, and not for very long - now I surf the waves better instead of being at their mercy).

Someone I really respect said this once -- that when people throw brickbats at him, once he's had enough, he'll build a house with that. Now that is ownership - and it ain't easy to say that - he must have a mind of steel, and if I can get anywhere even near that, my life won't have been lived in vain. A man like this is truly free, and very creative too.

[–]Rifleshoot1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I personally don’t see much point in focusing on the things you can’t change. It’s counterproductive and takes away effort you could be using to overcome those obstacles that you cannot remove. These “positivity gurus” have it right. Sure, there are things about the world that you cannot change, but there are things about yourself that you can change to make getting over the world easier. So it is better to blame yourself for your failings, even if they are not necessarily your fault but rather that if the world. Because with that blame of self comes personal growth. Growth, that might one day help you overcome those things that caused you to fail. It’s always better to err on the side of personal responsibility that blaming things on others. You can’t control others. You can only control yourself.

[–]bwazap0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think it's better to see it as "not one's fault but one's responsibility". If someone else caused the problem, you can and should definitely blame them, and hold them accountable if you can.

[–]SunTzuWarmaster5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see a lot of the Extreme Ownership as less of "whose fault is it?" and more of "and what are YOU going to do about it?".

Bomb fell on your house? Extreme Ownership! I must have built my house on the wrong place - I'm going to move to a safer area.

The bombed house is somewhat obviously not your FAULT (who cares who gets the blame?), but it is certainly your PROBLEM... And sitting around blaming people ain't gonna bring your house back.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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