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A smart man once told me a story. I figured I’d share it with you.

At the age of 18, this man fell in love with a girl. She loved him back, but he had to go to the army. He left her, but during his service, his girlfriend told him that she was pregnant. He did the math, found out that the baby couldn’t have been his, and left her.

Years passed, and this man went on to marry and have kids, but this woman never left his mind. She lived in a different country by now, but although the man was married with kids, he didn’t stop thinking about his unicorn.

The man lived a horrible life with the woman he married. It was a nightmare. When the two got a divorce, the man went back to the woman of his dreams. The woman he loved. The woman he had spent every day fantasizing about.

After a few calls overseas and a conversation with an international operator, he got to the woman. They started talking again and she was shocked to hear his voice. She professed her love for him (although she had betrayed him earlier, and gone on to live with the guy who’s kid she had), he decided to give her another chance.

He flew overseas and he saw that the woman of his dreams was now extremely unattractive, and not the same girl as she was when she was 18. This woman that he had been putting on the pedestal her whole life had hit the wall young. She looked like shit.

And at that moment, it all hit him. He was living life for the wrong thing.

Now, I could type up a whole paragraph as to what we can gain from this story - but it’s pretty obvious. I know there’s a lot of guys that suffer from oneitis, so this one’s for you. Understand it how you will, use it how you will, just remember this:

A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.


[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children)

Oneitis is bad and can really destroy the mind if you let it. But this post also goes to show why modern relationships are so warped and doomed to failure....

Once upon a time the people who had oneitis it was typically for whom we married for life because we didn't know any better having only had sex with one person. This is really the only instance I can think of oneitis being a good thing, but it has to be reciprocal and IMO only works if you are looking to partner up with someone for the long-term. The key is that you have got to meet them young in their physical prime of 18-22. This age is what gives men the memories of their prime that fuels the fantasies of their future.

When we're old and well past our prime, we could have looked back on our youth and remembered what it was like with them when they were hot, young, fit, tight, you name it. Now... the game has changed. This is one of the big reasons why guys have a hard time with long-term relationships with older/post-wall women: we simply don't have those memories of them at their best and it causes us to look around later on for something better. It's just human nature.

Traditional relationships may have been a trap for men as the workhorses of society, but we did get some very important benefits from it that men will never know today unless they're lucky enough to lock women down for life when the women are in those peak attractiveness years. But then that comes with a host of legal risks that many guys are wisely saying 'no thanks' to.

[–]Transport127 274 points275 points  (21 children)

Unless you get fucked over at least once, you will never learn the BS of oneitis

[–]Hombremaniac 66 points67 points  (4 children)

It's the way of life...and perhaps a tragedy of it as well.

Unless you experience something yourself, you do not truly know it. Now imagine being a father and trying to explain all the shit that life has in store, to your son. I wonder, what is the age, when the son can atleast somewhat understand, what I'm saying...

[–]EmirSc 34 points35 points  (3 children)

I have a son who is reaching this point in life, I've tried to talk to him about self improvement and other things to make him take the right path, but for now the only way I can think of helping him it's with example.

[–]Hombremaniac 17 points18 points  (0 children)

True, examples are powerful. My example was not always the best though, so I'd so wish he could learn from my mistakes instead of repeating them.

[–]nicyhasreddit 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Let life whoop him first.

Then while his ass is on fire (hopefully with no lifelong scars), you teach him how you got through your own ass being whooped by life.

[–]Jabbermouth 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is the right answer. My parents never really let me “fail” and it fucked me up once I moved out and had to be on my own.

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[–]nicyhasreddit 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Women cannot turn boys into men. Not even your mother can.

You have to make yourself a man. Glad you did it.

[–]helenvsgladys 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Agreed, I almost want to tell all the really young guys here to just follow their dick for a few years, allow themselves to experience irrational, pointless heartbreak, then come back and apply TRP to that experience. It's so hard to truly internalize a lot of this stuff if you haven't experienced it.

[–]redditor67tny 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Don't you think it would still be useful to at least understand the TRP principles now, even if I can't fully apply them yet ? as a 17 year old

[–]helenvsgladys 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah absolutely. At the end of the day, TRP is vital knowledge for all men regardless of experience, we all just come to it with a different set of personal reference points.

[–]vullnet123 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You just won’t realize and doubt it unless you get your heart ripped out

[–]g0dfather93 15 points16 points  (0 children)

True that, it's one of those things.

It will happen only once, but it will happen once.

[–]Red_pineapple1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agreed, there’s no greater teacher than experience

[–]Thrawy125 5 points6 points  (0 children)

True.

One friend of mine always asks me(In his opinion) why I'm so good with women. I always say "you'll understand one day". The boy is hopelessly in love now, so that day may be closer than he thinks.

[–]iVah1d 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm happy that it happened to me very early in my life, it was a turning point. God it's really cringey when I look back how miserable i was back then.

[–]demilitarizdsm 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep, am not convinced of the wisdom of the last line. It's sort of an absolutism. The best lessons I learned at a young age when nothing was on the line were so valuable. The older I get I see lessons in others and I can learn from them but that took a lot of time and understanding. That line about learning from others needs an age dimension to it.

[–]pinouchon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When you get fucked over, that's when you go from knowledge to wisdom

[–]Asherware 134 points135 points  (7 children)

Look how common oneitis is. Nearly every guy here and every guy I've known has their unicorn oneitis story to share. Myself included.

For something that seems to be so unique and special it sure is a common occurrence amongst men.

And all our special unicorns that are the apple of our eyes? They're all different. My oneitis is not your oneitis. Yours is not mine, etc.

It's almost like they're all just women and that they are the "women of our dreams" because we are the ones creating the dream in the first place.

Oneitis is a red flag that you are not content with YOURSELF. It's when we are unhappy with our lives and project a fantasy on to another person as the answer to our unfulfilled lives.

Ironically if you are suffering from oneitis (and it is suffering) then even if you got the girl and even if she was everything you wanted (lol) you'd still fuck it up because no human can take the burden of your fantasy. You need to love yourself and then find someone to compliment the life you're living. Seeking love and validation from desperation is a recipe for disaster.

[–]_-resonance-_ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Best oneitis description and prescription right here.

[–]Mr_Mandingo93 8 points9 points  (1 child)

what ive noticed is every time someone thinks they found a unicorn she just turns out to be one of the four horses of the apocolypse.

[–]JHNewman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Damn. I wrote this down for future reference almost word for word.

[–]Standgrounding 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have been having oneitis for different girls from different classes since like 5th grade... WTF man... jeez

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_SQUAT 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your statement about having oneitis meaning you're not satisfied with yourself seriously resonated with me. Couldn't be more true, having gone through it myself.

[–]rawrlolrofl -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oneitis is love of the mother projected onto an attractive woman, am I wrong? It takes BALLS to turn that shit off, or more likely pain

[–]sebbegerbert 227 points228 points  (3 children)

Aah oneities you slayer of men.

[–]wildtimes3 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Right? Who ever got killed by two swords?

[–]drakehfh 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This sounds funny but actually it makes so much sense. Look at Troy.

[–]Flesh_Pillow5 166 points167 points  (0 children)

Need a good oneitis hitting the wall story to set me off on a good start for the day lol

[–]Tenth_10 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Wow, this post struck a cord with me. I WAS this dude. At age 15 I met a 14-yo girl. I litterally saw a flash when I saw her the first time. After that, we were like magnets, drawn to each other whatever we did. That girl had nice curves, a radiant smile and eyes so blue they could even be a bit white-ish. Major hard crush here.

That lasted a month, then we both had to get back home - 500 km apart.

One month later, her last letter told me she was in relationship with the moron who was pursuing her when we were together (dude hated me). No news until I got to be married, twenty years later. As her name was easy to remember, I tried to look for her, and actually suceeded. Life had us live quite near, actually, which felt weird as I moved around a lot. She had set up her own shop, so I went in as a customer and voilà, she was there that day.
- First, years have NOT been nice with her. Gone the nice curves, she was fat. Gone the blue-white eyes, they were a bland blue. She was like a different person.

- Second, she did not reckognized me - at all. And I threw hints during the conversation. That was my only goal : Her even remotely reckognizing me. Well, none happened.

So I left and married the future mother of my kids.

Whatever makes us believe in an "happily ever after" is a biological lie. People change, a lot. Women in particular take a huge hit in the face. We do make a mountain out of our relationships when we are young, and when we hit the mid-30 one can realize it really was not worth the squeeze. At all.

[–]theislander849 74 points75 points  (1 child)

I have a story.

Back in high school (2002-2005), I had a crush on the hottest girl in the school. We'd talk sometimes, but I never said anything or did anything to show I liked her. We had some classes together from time to time, but nothing ever happened.

After we graduated, I started learning some game from the OG PUAs of the time, and... well, shit... I realised that this girl had a crush on me also the entire time.

I looked her up on facebook, and found out she has a boyfriend now. She ended up marrying that guy, and she's now fat and ugly.

I wouldn't even hit on this girl today.

[–]Dls95405 27 points28 points  (0 children)

'oneitis' is evolution's way of keeping the male provider at the grindstone. Women have rejected their evolutionary roles, and now we men are too.

[–]TheEgyptianConqueror 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It's like Candide by Voltaire

[–]RealMcGonzo 15 points16 points  (3 children)

I've looked up a lot of chicks that I crushed on in the past.

Never found one (not fucking one!) worth calling up even if she lived close. Admittedly, there are a few that I cannot find - probably because they use their married names. But I found most of them. Pretty disappointing, disillusioning and eye opening.

Always rent depreciating assets, never buy them.

[–]GlobalAsshat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Buy them after they have been used a few years, have 40,000 miles on them, and are selling for half price? Works for cars, not so much for women :p

[–]rawrlolrofl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is true shit, woman are only attractive when they want to be (to pull in a man). They're literally ugly without all the make up and shit

[–]MrGreySD 12 points13 points  (0 children)

To this example, one could also apply the general rule of "do things for your future self, rather than just for your current self".

It's more comfortable to think about women have in the present (and the past). It's uncomfortable to wonder if they'll still keep us happy in 3/5/10 years. Wonder what the future truly holds.

We dread the discomfort that we will inevitably have to endure, drifting along in a passive state of comfort. And before we even know it, a large part of our life is behind us.

30 year old me doesn't give a damn about the great relationship 25-year-old me had with HB8 #18583. 30-year-old me only cares about what 25-year-old me did to help 30-year-old me.

With the exception of having kids, I doubt this pattern with ever change.

[–]Welendas 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Perfect story to read when you just woke up

[–]hazelstein 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This is my opinion purely, I think One can avoid Oneitis, If he keeps the woman as plate and sees her once a week or two. If you keep a woman around more than 2 days or see her regularly, you will somehow develop an attachment to her. When you get that attachment you will do unnecessary shit for her, and eventually, fail her shit test, killing the attraction that she had for you.

[–]_-resonance-_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’d love if this were its own thread. So I had a soft harem and ultimately let it go because LTRing the queen of the pack was worth it. As LTR dudes will say: she made my life better and motivated me to be better. So I went for it.

I quickly learned (out of necessity) to pass her comfort tests. That’s all she threw at me. And...

You’re right. Eventually the attachment comes. In the back of my mind, I always reminded myself to maintain the attitude of her as “plate.” But with time and many life experiences together, the attachment comes, and about a month later I can’t distinguish comfort tests from shit tests.

And this is a major problem.

The only solution (see Rollo’s “Please break up with me post”) is to basically go back to the player vibe. It sucks, because the “emotional” connection is there, and hints of oneitis creep up on you.

I never would have been able to attract this kind of woman without DGAF and abundance mindsets. She’s often worried I’ll cheat, and she needs reassurance in order to not turn to beta provider dick.

But at this point, there is no way around risking losing her to either a chad or a beta simp. And she has to know I’m still ok with that, despite everything we’ve been through.

[–]Howdoiusesync 2 points3 points  (1 child)

tbh i think going through hell by being in love and letting the real heartbroken time of depression helps a lot more than just thinking about it in a negative way.

When alot of guys state oneitis I wonder if they ever had sex with said girl or even just had any intimate relationship with them after sex. Or is it they just are an orbiter that is in love with the idea of having the girl around and thinking of them on a pedestal.

For me oneitis is more of the girls i've had a serious relationship with and before TRP i thought of sacrificing my own goals for them in said relationship of current time when involved with them.

I think that's where the line is skewed for alot of dudes here when it comes to the oneitis stuff because if they haven't slept with the girl it really just comes off as a waste of time if the girl isn't pursuing him or even trying to have it.

I know a dude who is incredibly emotionally attached to a girl he never slept with but she strings him along and even may I say fucks other guys but he believes he's the one for her even though she states all the emotional stuff like "you and I are so good for eachother" it's really sad to see. Hence why game is important.

[–]rawrlolrofl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't think you can develop a real reliance on a woman emotionally unless you're fully involved. In my opinion thats what fucks guys up, they literally rely on their girl like it's their mom and you're her little boy. How can she be attracted to you as a man if you've given it up to be her little boy? That's really the majority of the problem in my opinion. She softens you up with all her bullshit love and stuff but when she pulls back the love and commitment that SHE wanted, it hurts the guys like no other. Bye bye mommy. Look at the Lightswitch effect on the sidebar, that's what fucking brings men here if you ask me. Mommy wasn't real in the romantic sense of the word.

[–]replepok[🍰] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's because TRP is self improvement besides fucking something hot lol. The fuck you gonna learn making someone worth more than you.

People in general take your all attention and hot girl do it 100x like Goku on training for namek

[–]Rkingpin 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He deserves what he got for living in La La land. Even many non RP men will have some understanding that there is a wall every woman will hit.

[–]gabeangelo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If only that girl with whom I had a killing chance back then 12 years ago had aged and become fat ;( but no, she's fitter than ever, more beautiful, nicer curves, (dunno if she's married) and looks as sweet and joyful as ever... Fuck damn. I missed that one to pursue a fking hoe that lived hundreds of miles away, wasting my time and money and two golden opportunities (the hottie and an investment).

I tried some years ago to reconnect with her through FB, but never replied.

While my case is not necessarily oneities, I strongly relate to that fantasizing feeling of an ideal... And the frustration of having lost an opportunity.

[–]volvostupidshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha, it does not matter. There is no guarantee that you would last long even if you had pursue her anyway. Always be moving forward.

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[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From my calculations, an average man could have children with 3 different women during his lifetime, purely because of that.

They get old fast for a reason.

[–]5ubstanc3 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oneitis is a real fucking disease. Eats you from the inside out. I just got out of a one year relationship, you really dont feel it till you lose it. The remedy is organizing time and working on yourself.

[–]PeterPansSyndrome 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I saw how fat my now single mother ex-gf got, all those fuzzy warm feelings, and memories of the good ole days I had swirling around in my head and my heart instant evaporated.

"I was fantasizing about this??"

[–]Jugurthajones87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Facebook helped me with my oneitis. I had the worst oneitis for a foreign girl I dated in high school. We went to college the next year and she dumped me; she had the great social life, I was the depressed, solitary one, etc. So I held a torch for her for years and years. My friends would hang out with her and her friends every once in a while, they were like, “Yeah, she’s got a lot of guys chasing her.” Damn.

So time moves on and I’m looking her up online but can’t find any pictures of her. I’ve long ago stopped carrying the torch by this point but you’re curious, you know. Finally, Facebook comes up and I see her account. Hoo boy. She has a kid, face has gotten longer, saggy, hair looks terrible, just not attractive at all. Typical east European middle aged woman.

Great gal, tho, no doubt.

[–]baeslick 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Thank you for this, a lot of people would benefit from condensed material like this, it gets straight to the point.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 30 based on all the life experiences I've had, and while I don't 100% with everything said on this subreddit, occasional things like this stick out to me.

Find your dream, people. Find your life mission, make it your priority, make the right sacrifices, and pursue forward bravely. Watch people make their mistakes around you and learn from them.

Know you have inestimable value as a human being, but as a man, your mission is your lifeblood. Figure out what you want and go for it. Peace!

[–]park_hobbo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think that a similar idea applies to friendships?

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[–]1TRPKiddo[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Its about devoting your thoughts 24/7 to a false reality.

[–]joparedes13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks mate. The other comments just seemed oddly specific about the former.

[–]RedPillWintergreen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the benefits of social media is that you don't even have to travel the world, track down your old crush to find out how terribly most women age.

I recently visited FB after a long time away. It's actually pretty depressing. Most of the people I knew, male and female, in HS and college are old, fat, balding, sagging skin, etc. It's amazing how many people don't take care of themselves.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My late teens/early 20s Oneitis keeps asking my brother about me. I'm fit and run obstacle course races; she's fat and has substantial health problems. Since that day I realized it was grossly one-sided and cut all contact, I don't even care to discuss her. We are in our 50s now.

[–]Virtusvitium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes sense. You're attracted to youngness and beauty. If the women you were chasing didn't have this, you wouldn't be chasing them in the first place. We all want that perfect wife, but that's damn near impossible. You'll need a woman that will only obey you and have eyes for no one else, even by herself. If you can find one, great, you won the lottery. But realistically women want to be driven, not worshipped.

[–]Sake99 -2 points-1 points  (8 children)

Do you know this guy personally?

[–]1TRPKiddo[S] 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Do you ask questions that do not pertain to the post?

[–]BeneathTheSassafras 5 points6 points  (2 children)

What happens if you tell a joke in the form of a rhetorical question?

[–]1TRPKiddo[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It depends on the day of the week

[–]BeneathTheSassafras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What happens if you tell a joke in the form of a rhetorical question?

[–]Sake99 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Not always but sometimes, it does pertain to that. I'm wondering , what if she had not aged that much or atleast aged gracefully or perhaps he has reach out to her after her break up. Your post is confusing ageism with oneitis.

[–]RightHandWolf 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The post is spot on. The ageism is a side effect, but the real problem of oneitis is that the reality has no chance of measuring up to the fantasy.

We've all had those moments, where the reality fell far short of the pedestalized ideal we had created. Super hot chick that had the personality of a retarded turnip? A movie that looked awesome because of a well edited trailer that ended up being a waste of time and money? Disappointments are part of the experience in the amusement park of life, but the only option is to keep plugging away at it - NOBODY is getting their hand stamped to re-enter the park once they leave.

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