When I am mysterious, I don't talk much and be boring, when I just talk, I lose frame.

redhawkes · 2019-08-10T18:38:35+00:00

Self amusement. There's a big difference at being self amused shitlord and dancing monkey/clown. The latter is a form of external validation seeking.

You lose frame because you're needy/seeking attention. On the other hand when you think you hold frame, you come out as a socially awkward. Last, don't be affected by the silence, with chicks, it builds sexual tension.

XXXMersenne · 2019-08-10T20:07:37+00:00

Amuse yourself more when talking.

People can sense you're hoping to get a reaction out of them and feel forced to play along.

The joy that comes from someone who is doing and saying shit purely for their own enjoyment is that others in the interaction get to maintain their spectator Television conditioning and not be expected to do anything themselves.

Bonus points if you can subcommunicate an invite for them to also get involved, they'll feel free and cool like you - you'll have your 'thing' [basically high rapport] for that moment and they'll feel a natural connection; because it wasn't overtly stated.

Read that again, then watch this

👍🏼

paul_ernst · 2019-08-10T19:32:16+00:00

Comedians and magicians tend to be people with a past of low selfesteem. So you may be funny in general, but if you're 'just funny', then that probably originates from a validation seeking nature. Try to be not funny for a while, but just talkative. If you find that all the while you have an intrinsic urge to 'entertain' people with being funny, that means you can't handle social pressure very well. That tension is very important if you want to build sexuality and frame in general. Being funny is mostly also a way of 'conflict avoidance', where you'll laugh at basically anything someone says because you don't want to disappoint them. Master and control your tension releasing funny skills, and don't laugh when it's not funny. And let people be uncomfortable around you. Don't mirror their sense of being uncomfortable. It's what weak people do.

Second, being 'mysterious' is not attractive. It's stupid. Girls want a genuine guy with an edge. The thing you call 'mysterious' is actually depth of personality, integrity. If you're not afraid of talking about emotional subjects, ask the right questions, insert intimidating answers (playfully), aren't afraid of changing the conversation to a more serious tone, display a sense of both kindness and being dangerous (never look back), ... If you have that in you, you show your personality to be undisturbed, whoever the girl is infront of you. In other words, you truly become willing to lose the girl if she's boring, insecure etc. That's when girls will start calling you out as 'mysterious', because they can't get a grip on you.

So to conclude, find your insecurities and weed them out. Build a strong mental personality. Master yourself.

SolidLiquidGasPlasma · 2019-08-10T19:18:06+00:00

Being mysterious isn’t not talking much it’s asking a lot of open handed questions but not giving your opinion a lot

DGibby12 · 2019-08-10T18:34:06+00:00

Do you have any anxiety of any kind? I used to do this a lot but I realized most of it was in my head

SpinPlates · 2019-08-11T01:00:47+00:00

Being mysterious and quiet only works if you're attractive. Don't go that route if you're not a striking individual.

TigerTamingSword · 2019-08-10T20:33:15+00:00

You sound way too self conscious and distracted by your inner chatter and anxiety. I could be wrong, but this could signal low self steem and lack of confidence, which in turn forces you to play roles that will supposedly land you on people's good graces. Fuck that. You can't hold frame if you don't accept yourself, let alone know who you really are. When you do, there will be no need to force yourself into the role of mysterious stranger or any other. Most of this stuff consist of tropes taken from fiction, anyway.

BatsNightmares · 2019-08-10T22:08:08+00:00

It's all in your mind. Listen to what these people here want to tell you.. You'll figure it out. You're not boring. It's your own insecurity making you think you are. Stop acting on fear impulses.

[deleted] · 2019-08-10T21:14:03+00:00

Because frame isn't something you turn on and off. It is the sum total of who you are, communicated through what you do. You cannot control what people think of you, and you cannot force them to select one memory of you over another. They will look at the totality of what you do, and decide if you have strong frame. They will judge you on whether you consistently follow the same rules you set for yourself and others, or are a phoney, or can justify why you chose to change behaviour. According to the reality you set up, do you make sense?

You're weak because you don't have the strength to shut up, why should anyone follow you? This is what happens when you operate in black and white and in terms of "alpha acts" instead of first principles

FieldLine · 2019-08-11T15:36:02+00:00

This strategy of being "mysterious" is a meme propagated by all the newbs too socially retarded to make normal conversation. All "be mysterious" means is that you shouldn't be so quick to offer information about yourself. Let her blather on about whatever inane thought pops into her head, steering the conversation towards her to deflect whenever she asks something personal about you.

You absolutely can to be high energy if that works with your personality. Ask /u/itiswr1tten how that works for him.

I sometimes talk nonsense

That's fine.

When I try to hold frame and be mysterious, I can see that people are just bored and there are lots of silence moments in conversations.

Yeah, because actively trying to be mysterious looks autistic as hell. Learn how to talk to people without explicitly exchanging information.

johnvu3562 · 2019-08-10T19:22:31+00:00

I don't understand what you mean by "hold frame"

cyyr · 2019-08-10T19:28:59+00:00

It’s better to talk urself into existence rather than be a bystander in a conversation. That’ll just alienate you and make you less desirable to be around. There’s a lot of people out there that’ll enjoy your presence in a conversation because they’re just like you. Eventually you’ll be the focus of attention once you find how to articulate yourself better and losing your frame is what makes you feel boring.

lbrownlbandit · 2019-08-11T03:08:12+00:00

I thought I was the only one with this problem Haha. What I found to work well was trying to build relationships with people who I could be quite with. Talk when needed if not enjoy the embrace of being okay with the silence. Then when I would go out I'd make everything a challenge, very machismo type and do my best to show off to guys that show off, be quite and hold frame with people who hold frame. Etc etc.

Those friends and family that I could stay quite with were the ones I would do to u wind after all that challenging one another. It has done wonders for me and hope it help.

Other than that. Read sidebar and LIFT!

WaltDFaulkens · 2019-08-11T09:23:23+00:00

Pee on them