Wife Sending Selfies to Orbiter / Chad

DeepReindeer · 2019-08-19T18:48:22+00:00

You sat your wife down and told her that she's not a bad person, you aren't going to judge, and you think of her in a positive way? After learning what you learned about her actions? That's foreign to me and probably sounded weird AF to her. What does she need to do to get you angry?

You're a bit of a cuck. If she is banging other dudes, and it seems to me like she is, then you are 100% a cuck. The definition isn't up for interpretation.

You took her wedding ring away? What's the point in that?

Look, she probably just likes to have sex with other guys. You're cool with that, right?

go-RED-go · 2019-08-19T19:51:18+00:00

If she fucked him, then you are a cuck, yes. Answer for that is divorce.

If she just sent him pictures, for emotional/sexual thrills and attention, he is an orbiter and you are a guy who didn't call her out on that, didn't set boundaries and punishment.

I dont know why the fuck you did the "not a bad person speech". She probably interpreted that as "I can cheat on him (again) in the future and he wont do shit about it".

Either way, you are in a bad spot.

Can you be 100% sure if they fucked or not? Probably no.

The question is , if not divorce, what boundaries are you going to set to her? What is your next move?

Veleo256 · 2019-08-19T19:03:56+00:00

“This is the second my wife cheated and I want to hamster staying but I’m totally 100% RP” posts this week.

You do whatever you want but for me (and most guys in here) cheating is an instant divorce. It’s unforgivable and if you stay, what boundaries exactly could you ever enforce? Don’t sleep with... too many men? Don’t get an STD?

You don’t have to go scorched Earth but you need to burn down the marriage. It’s over.

man_in_the_world · 2019-08-19T20:03:39+00:00

If I allowed her to become so bored, that is on me.

This does not excuse your wife's emotional affair, but ...

Yes, life and sex with you is BORING, because Good sex requires Emotion, and you suck at it. You're a typical imbalanced lover as discussed in SGM with lots of D but little E, which is likely the most important.

You're a tough-talking, insecure faggot who masks and represses his emotions behind an inauthentic "alpha frame" but who comes across to others as an emotionally stunted robot incapable of making an emotional connection or of Expressing your Emotions Like A Man, leaving your wife so starved for emotion in both your relationship and sex that even a fat old faggot is more attractive than you.

You're so disconnected from your own emotions that you have to ask anonymous faggots on the internet what you (should) feel. We can't answer that for you.

You have taken the path of LARPing "alpha" while masking your insecurities, ego, and emotions behind a false frame. To progress, you need to kill your ego and begin the really hard work of fixing these things. It's time to become a true alpha, not just a poor imitation of one.

red-sfpplus · 2019-08-19T19:14:53+00:00

Am I a cuck, or a little faggot who cant' handle my good looking wife's orbitors?

Mandy did this early on in our relationship when we were fresh. I shut it down immediately. She responded positively, and it never happened again. It was about setting firm boundaries.

You didnt set shit however. You talked to her like a faggot.

Women do this kind of shit because they are not getting the proper attention from their man, likely cause he is a faggot. In my case it was un-training bad behaviors from her previous men.

I never really bothered me because I knew she was a short tem woman I just wanted to anal train and pee on. I have since dumped her.

Had Mandy pulled this later in the relationship, she would have been dropped immediately. I have a zero tolerance policy for that kinda stuff.

But you are not me, and I am not you. I can load Bumble on Monday and be balls deep in a new chick by Friday if I want.

Bottom line, while on vacation with you, she is texting other men seeking validation. If you caught her with one, there is at least a possibility of others.

We also do not know if your wife is a Social Media whore, which if she is, tells me a bigger problem exists.

You are fucking small and weak. You are the same size as me and I have 50# on you. I could OHP you easily.

Taking her ring is a faggot move. Everything in this post was done from a position of weakness.

You do not have the anal dexterity to get fucked in the ass in divorce court like I did.

My advice? Rub her feet, buy her flowers and fuck off.

ReddJive · 2019-08-19T18:49:37+00:00

A cuck is a man who knows his wife cheated or has and does nothing about it.

What you do is up to you. If you keep her recognize exactly what she thinks of you and your "marriage". In other words she's a plate that raises your kids.

Second you talk too much. The only red pill awareness you had was seeing it there on the table. You seem to have a grasp of things but it took this to jolt get it in you. Yes if she made that offer this isn't the first time she's cheated and it has been physical.

You probably realize where you fucked up. The only other thing I want to point out is things seemed like she was all on right? All the signs were there at least all that you told us.

Which is why looking for flags. Good or bad aren't really important. It's about your boundaries. Your self respect.

So go ahead and make your choice and stay with her for "the kids". Just one question....

What's the price of your self respect?

Veleo256 · 2019-08-19T19:09:26+00:00

It's not really my thing to shit on people just for the sake of shitting on them. I say that to say this:

Am I a cuck

Your wife cheated, and you responded by telling her repeatedly how you don't think she's a bad person and that you aren't there to judge her. That kind of narrows it down.

She also offered idea of me sleeping woman

I believe her offer to sleep with other women was to help fix the guilt of her own indiscretion. It could also be the "I'll share a high value man if given no other choice."

It was neither. It was "my pussy husband won't do this anyway, but I'll make the offer he'll be sure to decline to make it look like I actually feel bad about what I've done."

She's still talking to the guy. She's still sending him nudes. She's probably fucking him. I'd bet a significant amount of money that she told him about your little talk you gave her (you're not a bad person, blah blah) and laughed about it.

You need to wake up and stop with the false narrative (ie: hamstering) about her giving a shit about you for anything other than you financing her life.

She also has since changed her tune about my learning endeavour, and wants to understand how she can support me on it.

I can't imagine why she would start in on this now. See above.

I need to act in my own self interest.

In this case I am thinking to push the hell out of her boundaries to get the absolute best sex life I can acheive with her

This is not in your self-interest, but I'm not sure if you understand that.

Look man, bottom line, it sucks to find out that your wife was cheating, and I get that. However, your hamster is running wild trying to craft a narrative where you decide it's okay to stay with her, and that's not acceptable.

6TimesDown7TimesUp · 2019-08-19T20:54:40+00:00

You’re asking the wrong questions.

Instead of asking US “am I a cuck/can’t handle orbiters” you need to ask YOURSELF; “am I a man who is okay with my wife having sex with other men while we are married” or “am I not”.

Pick one and commit. Fully and totally 100%.

Whichever you prefer is “you do you”, but pick one and commit.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-08-19T21:16:17+00:00

Honestly, you should have read the sidebar books and posted in OYS a long time ago.
My 21 year old son and my brother are "red pill aware" too, but don't believe the gospel or follow the teachings of the prophets. Huge difference man. You created this problem, probably killed her attraction for you by the "death by 1000 cuts" variety because of your half-assed approach.

You should NOT tell her how you know what you know.
You know less now than before. Her actions only create more questions and your actions are plain obvious. You are butt hurt, still have her on a pedestal, want her to beg for the ring back, are willing to forgive and forget, and the worst part is that SHE KNOWS IT AND WILL TIGHTEN UP OPSEC. From now on, you keep your sources of info hidden and your evidence for a court of law. For all she knows, Harry Potter's owl flew in the window and told you this stuff, any attempt to gauge the damage, control the story, and spin. Stay or go, this is the way to go.

I'm not a fan of divorce, but not a fan at all of infidelity.
Again, you blew it by letting her know what you know. Sorry to bang this drum again, but do you ever wonder why cops pull you over and say "Do you know why I pulled you over today?". It's to get you to confess other crap that they don't already know, you've lost that card. I'd want to find out her plans if I were you. Is she going to file on you, but you caught her first? Are they gonna run off together? Just a hook-up with a 53 year old wealthy beta (not a "Chad" ffs)? How long, how many, and how involved? A lot of guys in here are willing to burn the relationship to the ground, but as I indicated above, we all know you aren't outcome independent yet. Bad news, women have flings with Chad ****OR**** monkey branch to richer Beta providers. You caught her reaching for a higher branch. Divorce in the western culture is a no-fault thing pretty much. She can be the laziest bitch, biggest whore, and fuck up your whole life AND THEN divorce YOU and take half your stuff. Start to protect assets immediately.

She also offered idea of me sleeping woman, but "just once"

She's not in any place to be making "offers" if you are going to overlook her transgression because she's such a "good person". If you stray, that's not her say. HOWEVER, this never "fixes" the relationship, it just makes you both feel a bit better momentarily. Just this week, I heard of another acquaintance IRL that went from the wife texting a married friend, to them hooking up, then getting caught, flipping it into a "let's all swing" thing for a couple of months, then they announced Friday both are getting divorced any way. Well, I guess at least he got to screw her best friend a couple times as the consolation prize for getting 4th place in the Sexual Special Olympics. Don't fall for it. You know what's better for creating dread than fucking some rando? A post-nuptual agreement.

You know what's a better consolation prize that a one-off with a rando?
How about an post-nuptial agreement where you get A LOT more than a judge would dare give you. Her reaction is all you need to see to know what happened. If she gets extremely pissed and indignant, she was just buying time, marriage is and was over, she might already have a lawyer, could be collecting dirt on you. Will it work? No probably not, but neither will a her plan. If she agrees to it AND signs it, well now you got at least a better bargaining chip when the divorce monster finally comes for your assets. Allen Iverson signed one of these by the way, agreed to give up all of his remaining $32M if caught cheating again. Oh, he still did it, then immediately lost EVERYTHING in the divorce court. Out of pity, she gave him a portion back anyway, but I NEVER saw her cross up Michael Jordan to earn it.

hibloodstevia · 2019-08-19T18:45:42+00:00

I'd say find a new GF and move her in.

creating_my_life · 2019-08-19T18:48:07+00:00

So much wrong with this.

You're using sexual success as your measure of success--continuing to place you deeply in her frame. You've missed one important MRP lesson: Success with women IS A RESULT of success with yourself. You're still ticking external boxes (career! fit! blowjobs!)

You've likely also failed at comfort. Your wife is alone, without an oak. Without someone she can trust. You've been so busy being alpha, you forgot that MRP is about the blend of alpha and beta. It's passing both shit-tests AND comfort tests.

You likely met your wife when you were a fat beta chump. That's the deal she thought she got. Now that game has changed for her, and she doesn't like it. She'd rather simply leech of a dutiful beta. It's good work if you can get it.

Your wife also knows you won't leave her. The rest are just words trying to convince yourself you're alpha. But, ultimately, the one, single, only fundamental tool in the man's arsenal is the ability to leave. Your wife is just testing boundaries to see how true this is. She knows this more than you. She's not even conscious about it.

The real question for you is, how long have you been unauthentic? When did you stop giving your wife tingles? Would she say you're fun to be around and flirty? (hint: no, she finds it stressful to be around you.)

You say this is a test of your frame. I say you have no frame at all. Take a step back and evaluate yourself. Are you living your life for you? You've obviously read a lot of RP, but it seems you're missing the fundamental authenticity about being a solid man.

KoolAidMan7980 · 2019-08-19T19:04:01+00:00

I wrote this the other day to another guy who had a very similar problem that you have now. It seems like there have been a few posts recently with men finding out their LTRs/wives are cheating on them:

Your marriage is over. Whether its because you were a drunk captain or your wife cheated for no reason, it doesnt matter. Youll probably never know the why. People do things all the time that destroy their lives. You cant help her anymore. All the talk of her being a good wife and being respectful just makes you look weak, like you want to excuse her actions.

Like many others advised, speak to a lawyer immediately. No one on here can predict how divorce will pan out in the courts. Maybe you catch a break and walk away with a good settlement. Maybe she tries to rake you over the coals. Too many variables to predict that outcome. But if youre truly been sticking to the reading, lifting, and have been growing your career and wealth then you have a good base to rebuild.

For your children the road for them is going to be hard. They are going to be hurt and theres nothing you can do to shelter them from the pain that their mother’s actions are going to cause them. They are collateral damage in all this. But in this case doing whats best for you and divorcing is going to be whats best for them in the long run. They will see and eventually figure out what happened to your marriage and who played the part in the downfall.

I could throw out a bunch of cliches and quotes that get tossed around here like STFU and own your shit but it all boils down to the fact that being a man with self respect and living your life by a code is hard. Its hard to show strength when youve just been betrayed by the one you are married to. But what is it they say about the hardest steel being forged in the hottest fires? Good luck.

Glennus626 · 2019-08-20T01:17:01+00:00

Cuck alert. You played your hand about knowing too early, and now you have now exit strategy.

She was probably setting up a branch swing, because youre talking about taking an expensive educational gamble. I guarantee that soft guy with the dog is better off than you are, and thats what got her to show him her titties.

The fact that you set her down and basically gave her a pass while groveling means you no longer have the element of surprise on the divorce, and shes going to get her older, better off beta to take her in and have your kids call him daddy. But hey, youve got prospects...

dilberryhoundog · 2019-08-19T23:05:04+00:00

What are you trying to “punish” her for? It won’t work. She is behaving exactly how any other women would, given the circumstances.

Men’s currency is attention. Kids, Dogs, Women, your friends, your Career, your Body, your Staff etc etc, all thrive off it. Removing attention (walk, don’t talk or STFU) is the only way to “punish” a woman. Now look what mess you’ve got yourself into. You haven’t given her any attention, you have zero moves available, you have no say in her life.

Raising your SMV (as per Red Pill) only serves to give your attention more value per unit. You have to apply your attention for you to see red pill gainz. 10 seconds of attention from a rock/movie star with SMV off the charts, will trump months of attention from an orbiting chump, as an example.

This is obviously why the shriveled up old dude, gets to fuck your woman. because the amount of attention he supplies combined with his perceived SMV is more than you give her.

Divorce or Not doesn’t really matter. You have no bullets left in your gun.

thatboyjeff · 2019-08-19T23:18:41+00:00

She’s a good person “deep down” huh? I bet that’s what that 54 year old said to her when he was balls deep in her asshole.

WTF is your problem, cuck?

RStonePT · 2019-08-19T22:58:42+00:00

I thought guys lied about being to for 2 years before describing 0 understanding of anything?

Rogue68486 · 2019-08-19T18:57:54+00:00

MMSL has a chapter I believe on this. Has to cut contact. Etc.

What's up with the you're not bad, I'm taking your wedding ring? Incongruent and passive aggressive controlling.

Be congruent. Read that chapter.

Titty pics? Hes not an orbiter. Hes a "special friend" mr fat chad

theunconquored · 2019-08-20T10:15:51+00:00

You don’t have boundaries, which means you don’t have frame.

If my wife pulled this shit, she wouldn’t know I knew. She wouldn’t have a chance to explain herself. Who cares if she’s a good person. She’s actively expressing interest in another man, which is past my boundaries.

She’d get a text from me that I’m going camping for a couple days with no explanation. Then I’d come home with divorce papers completed and signed by me with little sign here stickies for her autographs.

MrTrizzles · 2019-08-19T23:20:14+00:00

I’ll cut to the chase.

Women are naturally monogamous. When she is in thrall to you other men may as well be invisible. Not all women, but pretty much all. The way they love consumes them, they can’t split it between multiple men.

Sounds like she’s lost that, yes even if she still throats you.

You gotta ask yourself, is that the kind of relationship you want, with a women who isn’t drunk on your existence?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-09-04T21:09:53+00:00

Please edit your post to get rid of that faggot phrase “RP aware” and substitute “faggot BetaBucks”. You are a clueless drunk captain that couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag and would be embarrassing to explain to people that you have such a low mastery even though you’ve been “aware” for 4yrs.

I can’t say you made the wrong decision by nuking your marriage, but you don’t express any command of what to do or how to find frame. So now you’ve nuked your marriage to an otherwise attractive and reasonably valuable woman that you ignored and excluded from major life decisions AND YET you are a complete rookie thats at the beginning of RP.

You’re totally on point about her offering to “let you” screw other women. My Ex has me distracted for quite a few years with regular threesomes with young single (in most cases) girls we picked up in upscale lounges. Don’t let that happen to you.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-08-20T11:10:02+00:00

That sucks. But as you say, AWALT. So you should not be surprised.

Your options:

Ignore, move on, business as usual. That seems naive at best.
Drop expectations of fidelity from both you guys. Start using condoms, make sure you understand who she’s fooling around with. Basically open the marriage up. That’s what it is anyway, from her part. Why should it not be from yours too? Be open about it all, talk it over- it’s exactly how she acts, so call it out. See what it does for you. Not everyone can handle that. Do it all to stay a couple for the benefits of raising the kids, but that only works if the two of you are ok with that dynamic. And you’re able to create a healthy, nurturing home for the kids together, despite your marriage being open.
Say screw it and divorce. Deal with implications of two homes on the kids, protect your financial and custody interests ASAP. Get a lawyer ASAP, to at least consult on the plan.

Good luck.

screechhater · 2019-08-20T11:39:54+00:00

You lack frame, mission, abundance, and a whole host of other essentials, but especially boundaries

At some point, you have to act without words when dealing with an RP lens, which you apparently are looking through about 1% of the way.

First step. STFU

I honestly cannot read your entire post due to the inconsistencies in your assessment of RP aware for 4 years then you contradict with all of your verbal diarrhea.

How in the fuck can you be in a “bad place” and you still respect her when she is sending selfies ?

Are you still wearing your ring ?

You need to stfu, lift and re-read the sidebar.

Bedtimeshine · 2019-08-22T12:13:34+00:00

Anything besides filing for divorce and wishing her luck with the new guy and forcing her to do major work and make major changes to earn you back is a weak waste of time. Your not a cuck because she did this, your a cuck for how you handled it. And I would have already taken her up on her offer to fuck other women and I wouldn’t hide it... although she probably wouldn’t know because she would not be in my house right now. And I would have told both our family and close friends that I filed for divorce and the reason why. Consequences before reconciliation, always.

Veleo256 · 2019-08-28T22:37:47+00:00

Married women send me photos all the time. As do single women. Women aged 20 to 48. Why? Because I ask them to. And they do - all sorts of filth. I give them the instructions and they follow them. They send me photos, videos, used knickers, sometimes even presents.

Quite often I get them to come to me and fuck me. I never travel to fuck. They come to me. And I fuck them in every which way possible and do all sorts of filthy things with them. I make them mine and fuck every hole I want when I want.

Your wife is one of those women. Not one that I fucked personally - as far as I know - but she is one of them. She will do all sorts of depraved shit with someone else, but not with you.

Why is that?

Why are you OK with that?

And even more importantly, what are you going to do about it?

peaceandlug · 2019-09-25T22:24:43+00:00

So eager to please you that she's sending tits shots to other men. Lucky you!

Veleo256 · 2019-08-20T03:30:18+00:00

She gave you a hall pass. So use it. Go fuck the one person that she would never ever ever want you to fuck. If for some crazy reason you stay with her because 'she would never do it agaoin', well then you at least will have taught her a lesson about tit for tat. Everything else seems to have been covered so I'm not going to bother.

shneakypete · 2019-08-20T11:47:08+00:00

I have been in a position similar to yours. I think a lot of the dudes in here are telling you to drop her but that seems like absolute nonsense. The way you handled it was brilliant.

That being said, I started a business about five years ago which required me to give my full energy and attention to my venture. My girlfriend at the time was not happy. I basically worked 80 hour weeks and because of that I barely got to see her. She never cheated on me but she was extremely unhappy and depressed.

That being said, if you decide you're going to make a big move now, and you're going to better yourself and get a bigger career, how does she play in the equation? Is she completely neglected? Are you working and working while she's being left alone with the house and the kids?

So I guess what it comes down to is: are you putting enough in the relationship? I think you know you aren't. I think if you had your relationship bases covered you wouldn't be asking us for advice. If you were doing what you needed to to keep the relationship stable you'd be able to dump her in a heart beat. I'm not saying what she did is ok, but if your wife didn't fuck you for 5 years can you expect her to be surprised if you were to stray?