N-Count Cannot Be Meaningless

reeearnakedchoke · 2019-08-23T17:10:44+00:00

How can you possibly think that n-count says nothing positive or negative about someone? Choosing when and who you have sex with is a more important decision than say... choosing where to eat lunch.

It says something about a person but nothing positive or negative. Is let's say living in a commune positive or negative? How about being purposefully homeless and traveling around? These things just represent different takes on life, which you may or may not be compatible with, but they're just a thing some people are doing, there's no weird value attached.

sublimemongrel · 2019-08-23T17:32:09+00:00

No, it just means you don’t care. I don’t care about my husbands n count. Not everyone values the same things as you.

You know, how lots of men here say for example they don’t care at all about a woman’s job or education. Clearly those metrics can give information about a person yet men here say they don’t care. It’s not the same question.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-08-23T17:55:10+00:00

does anyone actually say its"meaningless" or do they dispute the meaning?

i would never say that the fact that I'm high N is "meaningless", it absolutely speaks to my attitudes towards casual sex when single and high sociosexuality and all kinds of things. i dispute it means what some people CLAIM it "means" and that the interpretations of studies regarding it are the correct interpretations

JulieCrone · 2019-08-23T18:21:01+00:00

Because the number in itself doesn’t tell the story. A man could be a virgin because he’s deeply religious, not terribly sexual, was just really busy and didn’t have the time or energy for dating or lots of other reasons. A man could have a really high number because he thought that was very important at one point but now has different priorities. Without knowing the story and more about the person, the number is pretty meaningless.

yasee · 2019-08-23T16:51:34+00:00

I don't think anyone really claims that it means "nothing". if your n is high I will generally assume that you are a social person with liberal sexual values. it's just less important/telling than other factors I would assess in a potential partner

WaterOnMyHood · 2019-08-23T17:13:30+00:00

Intelligent women have less casual sex for sure

immaculacy · 2019-08-24T01:10:04+00:00

I think they know it does mean something but they don't care what it means. It's "meaningless" to them because they don't care about the meaning of their n count and they're ok with marrying that.

However, when those few people who "don't care" so they don't care, they're usually coping. They do care. But they just try to ignore it. Like if they saw a video of their partner's past sex it would horrify them. They just like to pretend it doesn't exist.

(I say "those few people who "don't care" so they don't care" because most people do care so I felt like it was wrong to just say people. Sorry if it was wordy.)

It's insane when people say n count says nothing about a person. Like seriously, your actions and choices mean nothing? Yeah ok...

throwawayemotions34 · 2019-08-23T18:49:19+00:00

I literally dont care about N count because I dont think the amount of sex someone has while they are single tells me anything I need to know about them. If they have cheated on a spouse is something I'd question, but I really dont give a fuck.

Why should I or anyone ?

There is much more to the person than judging them on how many people the decided to lay with. You can meet a low N woman from a crazy fucked up abusive background but you dont find out until later. You can meet a high N who is normal and healthy and views sex as casual when she has it with casual partners but meaningful when she has it with her partner, coming from a healthy stable home.

Now you're stuck dealing with a low N womans abusive tenancies and emotions because you accepted the amount of people she slept with while vetting her. And you missed out on the high N woman who you could of had a good relationship with bc you nexted her based on one attribute.

Ya'll have deep seeded issues with sex.

Barneysparky · 2019-08-23T18:14:10+00:00

If your bar for having a relationship with someone is based on how many people they have slept with you are not thinking about what's important. When you are thinking about spending your life with someone you shouldn't just be thinking about sex.

What's their parent's marriage like? Are they prone to anger or anxiety? Do they share the same religious, political and moral values with you? Mental and physical health. Do you enjoy their company outside of the bedroom? How are their relationships with previous partners? Do they share the same goals as you? Are their things about them that you admire? I know RP says men don't need to admire what you have sex with, but if you don't respect and admire each other when adulthood rears its head you will break up anywhere women have the freedom to do so. Putting on a pedestal is the opposite of respect. The list is endless regarding things to consider.

I've had sex with a couple of hundred people, but since I've made my own choices I have only had sex with people I really like and respect. My numbered 'N' count has never mattered to anyone I want to get to know better.

I read these questions on purple pill sometimes imagining that every new thing to consider is like a new button on a joystick for some of the boys here. It seems really confusing to them. I have a daughter with Asperger's and the black and white putting thoughts into other people's heads (you say you didn't think that but you did) is as equally infuriating as being around someone with BDP mirroring symptoms and how others view you.

My aspie daughter dropped out of University and got a job the same hours as her classes a five-minute walk from her classes She got away with it for 5 months, then when confronted (after I'd paid for the second half of the year) she screamed bloody murder at me saying I was going to kick her out if she wasn't in school. We had never had a conversation about that, closest was take whatever you want unless it's in the arts ( which I regret). Anyways I ended up apologizing for her hurt feelings over something I had never thought never mind spoken.

OP. Your question sounds just like my daughter. Spot on your head is imagining that the world is one big orgy except for you, and your making people around you pay for your imagined slight.

Tinder really isn't that big in real life for women. I've signed up for Tinder with a random fake picture when I found out what it did because I was living in a small surf town and we thought it would be interesting to spend a few weeks sitting at the oceanside bar seeing what kids were Tinder type kids. Not as many as is in your head, at all. More Nicaraguans (prostitutes and con men often) then gringos by a mile were on Tinder in a town that used to triple in size in season. It's in your head.

But I can't tell you that because you know what know one else knows or lies to you about.

onii-chan_so_rough · 2019-08-23T19:11:57+00:00

How can you possibly think that n-count says nothing positive or negative about someone? Choosing when and who you have sex with is a more important decision than say... choosing where to eat lunch.

Obviously those that don't care don't feel that way and don't put sex on a mighty social pedestal eh?

So to those who do not care about it, how do you come to the conclusion that it says NOTHING about a person, positive or negative?

How can it be mean nothing at all?

Everything means something just like how many lunches something has eaten means something but it's just so neglibly small what it means that I don't care because I don't put sex on a pedestal.

celrian · 2019-08-23T21:45:44+00:00

I simply acknowledge that everyone I date has a past which only will get longer and more involved as we age. I'd rather not hear about my partners exes as I'm sure they would not want to hear about mine. We're human and some level of jealousy or feelings of possessiveness may crop up. But what he did and who he dated before me had nothing to do with me. We focus on the present and our future together. I would rather date someone with experience in bed then little experience as that may have given him over time better skills and understanding in the bedroom though of course not always the case.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2019-08-23T23:21:52+00:00

Fuck it, here we go again. Not a real way to argue or answer this without not so humble grag comments.

I don't give a shit to even ask her, unless she asked me first, then I'd just do it b/c she did. She wouldn't be on trial, or interrogation, just tit for tat on asking uncomfortable questions.

I've seen all the stat links you guys have, and like others said, only one that concerns me is the STD thing. Catching something is all I'm worried about. I've made it this far with only a couple scares, I don't want to pick up something now that I'm trying to be good.

brodudedoggman · 2019-08-23T23:36:06+00:00

I mean choosing lunch is kind of important, too. Sex is at least an aerobic activity whereas eating McDonald’s every day is going to make you a fatass.

Tealllane · 2019-08-24T00:08:14+00:00

Not caring about n-count means that it says NOTHING about the person - positive or negative

Yes.

How can you possibly think that n-count says nothing positive or negative about someone?

Because unless someone is exclusively raping people. The number of people you sleep with is not an indicator to how kind you are to others. You can be a virgin and a total piece of shit, or sleep with 100 people and be as nice as Mr. Rogers.

So to those who do not care about it, how do you come to the conclusion that it says NOTHING about a person, positive or negative?

Because I'm going to judge you on how nice you are primarily. Then me personally I'll judge you for your sense of humor.

How can it be mean nothing at all?

Because nothing matters, and life is meaningless.

kandyapplez · 2019-08-23T16:59:16+00:00

says a lot about their lifestyle and sexual behavior which isn't like a linear positive to negative scale. a lot of things i see said here about high n count women definitely don't apply to me. if you just don't want to date a woman who has boned a lot of ppl then okay but idg whats me having sex is supposed to reflect either positively or negatively lol

gattaca_ · 2019-08-23T17:40:22+00:00

A high number of sexual partners indicates

they enjoy sex
they have the ability to have a larger number of partners

Everything else is just assumptions.

axolotlass · 2019-08-23T18:49:28+00:00

I think it does say a lot about a person. I would never want a man who had lots of casual sex, because it means that sex have wildly different meanings to us.

Also , every women can have high N-count if they wanted to, easily so. So a women being virgin or low N-count says a lot about her too. Being a virgin is showing loyalty to your future partner. Its a choice and a very hard one especially considering many of us will marry after the age of 25-28 because of education etc. Its not like its in the old times where people were getting married at 16. So being a virgin now means a lot more, and not something to be ashamed of at all. It doesnt mean we’re too ugly to fuck or anything (no women is unless severly deformed.)

What we need to do is understanding people have different values and principles in life, and we shouldnt shame anyone, low or high N-count. Instead we should seek people with same values as us to marry/date. Shaming casual sex needs to stop, but also “sex doesnt mean anything its just a biological need like food and water heheh” type of approach needs to stop too.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-08-23T17:59:46+00:00

I think a lot of people have problems bifurcating. The brain is an association machine. But just because we use induction to reason doesn’t mean that our conclusions are deductively true, or that our assumed (cause) —> (effect) relationship is true.

A 32 year old virgin gives a guy a blowjob. She now has herpes.
A 28 year old virgin has sex with her husband on her wedding night. She didn’t really feel like it, but she’s married now, and those are her marital duties. Plus, it’s sort of what people do on their wedding night.
A 30 year old has only had sex with one guy in her life. It was in high school. She thought if she had sex with him, that he would like her. He ended up losing interest in her, and she was heartbroken. After that, she never trusted men again and had strong personal issues with sex.

All these women are extremely low n-count. What positive personality characteristics, traits or qualities do you want to project from your own mind onto the idea or fantasy of who these women actually are as people ... based on their n-count?

A 19 year old has slept with over 100 men, ranging from ages 15 to 48.

Take a moment and let your brain work. Let those wheels spin. What’s the thought process? How does your brain make sense of that information?

Female ... high n-count ... young age ... therefore???

What does the n-count alone, in and of itself tell you about who this woman is as a person?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Back to the 19 year old. Her mother left her abusive husband. As a single mom working three jobs, they had to go on welfare just to survive. Her mother would sometimes buy things from the dollar menu at McDonald’s and just watch her daughter eat and be happy. She would get clothes from the Salvation Army. Growing up in Los Angeles, as a girl, the other kids would make fun of her simply for being poor, as she watched her domestic violence survivor mother struggle every day to keep them safe and alive.

So, she was approached by an high school senior who offered her money in exchange for sex. She accepted, and realized, nobody was getting pregnant. Nobody was getting hurt. There were STD risks, but this was mostly rich high school kids. In exchange, she would get money, clothes, alcohol, food, and give her mom a break financially.

Go ahead and attribute negative personality traits to someone broken by poverty and life circumstances.

A 20 year old model. She has admittedly slept with over 40 men. She only sleeps with men simply because she finds them hot. If you look at pictures of these men, it’s one Adonis after another, to the point where you can’t tell them apart. She’s been pressured to have sex with photographers or modeling agency directors, but has refused. She just can’t get herself to have sex with an ugly guy or someone she’s not insanely attracted to. She tried giving an average guy a chance once, but as soon as he took his clothes off, she felt so disgusted with herself for even thinking about having sex with him.
A 25 year old triple major in English, History and Political Science. She has only slept with men she was in a relationship with, and that has only been (3) guys. One in high school, one in college, and one who recently broke her heart. She enjoys being close and feeling attractive and wanted, but sex has never really been a strong motivator for her. Sex is mostly something men want. But, she knows that sex is important to men, so, it’s a part of a relationship, at least until kids hopefully come into the picture.
A 20 year old starving artist with borderline personality disorder. She doesn’t recall specifically how many men she has had sex with, but she estimates it’s around 20-50 (really hoping you lowball it to 20). She claims she was raped and abused by her ex boyfriends, yet, she wants men to dominate her, choke her, and use her sexually. She fantasizes about gang bangs. She is very sexually aggressive. For her, sex holds multiple meanings. She derives great physical pleasure from sex. She derives great emotional pleasure from feeling “serviced” by her male partner, and from feeling “desired and wanted by” her male partner. Yet, she’s also a self-proclaimed radical feminist, and male sexual pleasure and satisfaction has no place in her bedroom. She enjoys being a tease and watching men be frustrated, knowing that she is responsible. As a result of her self-destructive relationships and insatiable appetite for physical and emotional pleasure from sex, her relationships do not tend to last long, and she is often using sex go bounce from one relationship to the next ... never wanting to be single or alone.

In all these different cases, n-count, in and of itself, means nothing. You can’t draw any logical conclusion from a high or low n-count in and of itself (without you making assumptions). Nor is n-count that relevant when taken with other information. It’s just there in the background, like a bank account balance. Neither an indicator of hard work, high intelligence, or morality.

It’s a sophomoric bro-science approach to psychodynamic psychoanalysis based on nothing more than a man projecting his own ideals about women and beliefs about how people and the world works onto a number ... literally a fucking number (e.g., 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) ... and then making some kind of conclusion about a person based on a “tub” or “historical accumulation” number (rather than an “aptitude or qualitative score”).

In financial terms, that’s like looking at a company’s “balance sheet” and “cash balance,” and saying, “Oh, that’s slutty stock, I’m going to call up my broker and tell them to sell/dump it. Don’t need to see the income statement. Don’t need to consider that it’s an R&D biotech company or what their key pipeline product is.”

To say that a woman who is sexually honest, only has sex with super hot men, genuinely enjoys sex ... is somehow worse than ... a woman who is saving herself for marriage “supposedly” for religious reasons, but simply because sex isn’t all that important to her, and she consciously employs a calculated “hold out” strategy to trap some poor beta’s ass into a long-term provider/sponsor role for her dreams of being married and a mother ... is asinine.

(John Oliver): “And now, this,”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=22QYriWAF-U

MyDogLovesCorn · 2019-08-23T17:58:32+00:00

Intelligent women with at least average EQ are significantly less likely to have a high N-count. It is entirely possible that most of the Rhodes scholars from my school graduated virgins or with very low N-counts (3 or less).

A high or low N-count is indicative of how seriously one views relationships, sex, etc.

Criticalthinking346 · 2019-08-23T22:41:56+00:00

Because people grow, and should not be constantly held accountable for past mistakes or experiences.

In reality people are like sponges. Every experiences does changed us in small ways (not our vulva though that’s not how that works).. If you like who the person is you need to accept that their n-count is a part of what made them that way.

So to me it’s positive no matter the number especially since I love who my partner is. He wouldn’t be the man I love if his count wasn’t so high because he would not have had the experiences that helped shape him. He knows this to be true for me as well.

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Luke-the-camera-guy · 2019-08-23T18:40:41+00:00

to those who do not care about it, how do you come to the conclusion that it says NOTHING about a person, positive or negative?

When I found out someone I'm acquainted with has a high n-count, at most I, in jest, say shit like "you dirty slut". Whenever I get together romantically ~~forever how long that lasts~~ or sexually all I would care about is if they were clean when with me but that would apply to a person who had a low n-count or someone who's n-count I wasn't aware of aswell. SO yeah it's kind of a meh information I'm given and at best my reaction would depend on how well I know them i.e how they would want me to react to that info.

GracefulStoat · 2019-08-23T19:39:20+00:00

There are good reasons and bad reasons to have a high or a low number, so neither a high number nor a low number is "better" outside of the context of how it came about. I care about a partner's number in the generic sense that I care about all kinds of information about their life, but I don't care about it by itself outside of the context of their lived experience.

RaspberryInk · 2019-08-23T19:58:50+00:00

It's not that it says nothing about the person, but that it more often than not doesn't say what the red/black pill ideology claims it does. There are a wide variety of reasons for sexual activity and naively simplifying it into nat geo animal behavioral dynamics ignores most real world scenarios. Human psychology and culture is a lot more varied and complex than that.

Additionally, those reasons, whatever they, are only relevant when you're in a relationship with somebody, and even then, only limited to the things that apply directly to you. There's a tendency of the red pill to project judgement onto people you're not in a relationship with, which A) you most likely don't know their background, and B) their sexuality is none of your business.

To be fair to your point OP, if you are in a current relationship, there are *some* things that are relevant, e.g. does my partner have an STD? Do they have kids? Do they have poor coping skills or mental health issues where they're coping through shallow, short-lived relationships? To assume any one of these are a given without understanding both the person and the dynamics in their life is likely to lead to wrong impressions, though.

So, to your point, those of us who look past it realize it's a complex dynamic. We measure the person more holistically and on what they bring to a relationship instead of on a narrow, often inaccurate dynamic.

jonascf · 2019-08-23T20:06:04+00:00

It says something about the person if it's far below or above what's average, otherwise it's just a rather meaningless number.

I don't even know the N-count of my girlfriends. Beacuse I haven't bothered to ask. And I haven't bothered to ask because they haven't given any indications that their sexual past is anything other than mundane.

zayelion · 2019-08-23T20:08:19+00:00

Male non-toxic perspective; the number doesnt matter her view of sex is what matters. Four views here, overly chase, controlling, positive, and slutty.

Overly chase is the virgin, or marriage only types. These are personally a red flag for me. Controlling is a deep monogamy only, or sex negative; red flag. The others are fine, but slutty is an orange flag for me.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-08-23T20:35:41+00:00

Nobody says it’s meaningless but they say you don’t have to call it “good or bad” and it can be only one. If you aren’t religious, then it’s only good or bad in terms of how compatible the person is with your values and what you can tolerate. Even if you are religious there are many factors that would make it good or bad for you personally.

Manck0 · 2019-08-23T20:38:38+00:00

It just doesn't. Choose to care what the rest of a person's behavior is like.

It's just... ffs...sex is nothing. Choose to make it your reason for existence at your peril.

chukb2012 · 2019-08-23T20:57:42+00:00

It's not "nothing". I just can't judge a person on who they've slept with. I've definitely had some I regret. I also have been fairly low on n count until my second wife cheated on me. So did the first. I came to the realization, and I know this isn't comprehensive, but women are just like men. They will cheat for sex, and not just a replacement like so many will try to tell you. So fuck them, and I did. A lot of them. 100+ a year for 2 years, and after all that. Who the fuck am I to judge. Who, or why a woman sleeps with men. I'd rather have a woman whos had enough to know a good thing when she has it rather than a virgin that's going to run out "and I know this sounds specific, cause it is." When she realizes she hasn't had a taste of what's out there. Good luck.

screenmagnet · 2019-08-23T21:51:24+00:00

Because a person’s n-count depends on so many different factors. The number itself is much less important than the context, the consequences (STIs), and the reasons for it.

Honestly, if we had a vaccine or a cure for herpes, I legit would not care about anyone’s n-count (mine or others). Fear of herpes is the only reason that I have actively kept my own n-count low and the only reason that I am hesitant about having sex with men who have high n-counts.

freejosephk · 2019-08-23T21:55:39+00:00

Because what does it say about me who generally has a higher n count than most women I date?

But also I don't like or dislike someone based on n count. That's similar to saying "I don't like conservatives/liberals, or I don't like gun owners." You can make those kinds of statements but they're myopic and premature if you don't know the person in question well.

PadThai42 · 2019-08-23T22:06:14+00:00

Have you had sex with 20 people over a 30 years of your life or have you had sex with 20 people in one summer? Just like anything else, it says something about a persons priorities I personally feel.

The_Sad_Penguin · 2019-08-23T22:19:29+00:00

What's n count ?

fevertree · 2019-08-23T23:26:31+00:00

It’s not meaningless.

flyinghorse1 · 2019-08-23T23:41:55+00:00

I think some people get intimidated by their partners high numbers and feel they wont live up to their partners previous people they have slept with. When we see people worry about high n counts we can see they are scared.

brock_coley · 2019-08-23T23:43:29+00:00

Isn't it kind of a rude question to ask your partner? I've never been asked this, and I've never asked anyone their count either.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-08-24T02:08:29+00:00

no it doesnt say anything. it says only what you project on the person. simple.

jessicaannpin · 2019-08-24T02:45:52+00:00

High n counts mean someone is not as emotional about sex. It means sex doesn’t mean as much to them necessarily. This has no relevance to relationship compatibility as far as I’m concerned. However, it does mean they are more likely to have HPV or other STDs.

Low n count means someone is more emotional about sex. This might mean it’s harder for me to be open about my sexual history and fantasies. They are less likely to have HPV or other STDs. Men with low n counts are easier to control bc once they have sex with you, you kind of own them. But they get freaked out by stuff I share on social media, want me to censor myself, etc.

N count doesn’t factor into decisions on who to date long term but it can factor into casual sex decisions, where I optimize for low risk.

SpaceWhiskey · 2019-08-24T05:08:36+00:00

I don’t think anyone is saying it’s meaningless. The criticism I see is aimed towards the dudes who obsess over it, which is a bit different from just having a preference or opinion. Everyone is allowed to have dealbreakers. I once drastically changed my opinion about a potential partner when I realized they didn’t like The (earlier and actually good episodes of the) Simpsons.

AnotherWitch · 2019-08-24T05:20:51+00:00

The raw number, out of context, is meaningless. The context provides the meaning. The fact that “studies show” some thing or another correlated with some thing or another tells me exactly nothing about any given individual. It’s the context you want. To give two extreme examples: Did s/he sleep with that many people out of insecurity and an inability to express or accept love in any other way? If so, have they healed from that, or do they want to? Or did they sleep with that many people because they blog about their sex exploits, they were raised in a healthy sex positive home, and they do a careful job with every partner of establishing boundaries? N could be identical, but what it “means” and what it potentially predicts are wildly different; the raw number out of context conveyed no meaning in either case.

catbrainland · 2019-08-24T06:21:48+00:00

choosing where to eat lunch.

I'd say at N>20 or so, it's only about as important.

ScootsScoots · 2019-08-24T14:32:35+00:00

Because it's never a womans fault bro. Nothing is.

Women aren't sluts, they're "empowered."

You cis bigot

smallSackBigShaft · 2019-08-25T01:01:55+00:00

a chick def wrote fhis shit

Bruchibre · 2019-08-27T03:31:25+00:00

I don't know. I agree with you. This "the past is the past" thing is insecurity to me. I don't believe in "I'm not like that anymore" it's too easy. If you were a person who slept with 10 people in one year, you are still and will always be a person who slept with 10 people in one year. Cannot be undone.

Cannabanoid420 · 2019-08-23T20:04:38+00:00

To be honest I'd rather someone with a higher n-count, for a few reasons:

they are honest about their past
they know what they do and don't like when it comes to sexuality
they will be more secure in a romantic relationship because they aren't "curious about what they missed out on" and it will be based on something more than just sexual fidelity.

And last and most importantly, they like to fuck because guess what? so do I.

You guys have some real hang ups about people's sexual past, maybe if you cared less you would enjoy your sexual freedom too.

strangelovesglasses · 2019-08-23T18:15:05+00:00

it doesn’t say anything negative about a person but it suggests something about them. if you’ve had sex with 50 different people in the past year, that says something, but what it says is up for debate.

decoy88 · 2019-08-23T21:39:28+00:00

It only indicates things in the extremes. But when it’s middling it kinda means nothing at all.

Example:

Take a woman that’s 25 years old, with an n-count of 5-10 guys. What does that say about her? Ehhh not much at all without knowing anything else

Take the same woman, make her n-count 300. Holy shit that’s abnormal! Why so high!? Likely an indicator

Again, 25 years old. N-count of 0-1. This means something. So it’s an indicator

Thing is, most women are not in those extremes, not even close. So most situations it’s not going to matter at fucking all.

Is your V, C’d?

immaculacy · 2019-08-24T00:34:11+00:00

It means something but it's not one size fits all. Someone can have a high N count because they genuinely enjoy sex and have rather lax views on sexuality/relationships. Someone can have a high N cause they're using sex to self harm or get drugs or they need validation. Someone can have a low N because they're neurotic about sex or have trauma. Someone can have a low N cause they're religious or they just couldn't fit a dick appointment into their schedule. The number in of itself doesn't tell you much.

PostModernCommie · 2019-08-23T17:30:11+00:00

Only red pill incels care about n-counts.

Not caring just means you’re a normal, well-adjusted human

maljo24 · 2019-08-23T17:22:22+00:00

It’s not an honest number. It’s like quicksand. Some exaggerate up and some down.