The same way some straight men feel about having friendships or getting close to gay men, is the same way women feel about unwanted male attention in general. Nobody wants sexual attention from someone they are not sexually interested in.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-08-14T16:53:28+00:00

Even if I don’t want someone sexually, it still supports my ego to know that someone wants me.

A long time ago at an event, I actually got hit on by a gay man and a very unattractive woman and it still slightly boosts my self-esteem to this day even though I’m not attracted to either of them. I’m not saying that makes anyone’s advances automatically justified or flattering, but I’d rather have some physically nonthreatening unwanted attention than go without any attention. That feels way worse. If you had no food, you would feel better about being given a nonthreatening McDonald’s meal, even if it’s not very nutritious.

Even the guys on here who claim that they don’t care about being wanted by fat women probably get a minor ego boost from knowing that at least some fat women want them.

Just FYI, I’m not a sexless incel.

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-14T16:48:13+00:00

I get a long with gay guys just fine.

itskindofmything · 2019-08-14T15:59:39+00:00

Your mind doesn’t need to be changed about unwanted sexual attention.

The premise that straight men don’t want to be friends with gay men is flawed though.

Being hit on by a guy feels the same as being hit on by a girl you aren’t interested in.

If they are sweet it feels bad and you’re sorry for them. If they are aggressive it’s off putting. Neither approach changes the reality that they are interested in someone who’s not interested in them.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-08-14T15:55:34+00:00

I get hit on by gay men all the time. It’s not that big of a deal.

Women are small, weak, and vulnerable. You can’t accurately flip the genders and draw an equivalence.

Women here LOVE this thought experiment for some reason as if it’s some grand gotcha. Their basic fault is assuming men are as fragile as women.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-08-14T21:28:02+00:00

This is 2019. Hereto dudes have gay friends all the time.

rasmelo · 2019-08-14T15:33:22+00:00

There is a difference between "having friendships", "getting close" and "sexual attention".

pngmafia97 · 2019-08-14T16:14:26+00:00

Actually, women don’t not want attraction and attention from people they aren’t interested in. They don’t want a specific sort of aggressive attention that puts her in danger.

All sexual attention is a way for a woman’s looks-based ego to be validated and for her to size herself up. There was a blogger a few years back who was disappointed that she no longer got cat called. Cat calling is annoying as shit, sometimes scary if they follow you, and generally is not wanted. However when overt sexual attention is the norm, there’s a part of women that don’t not want it. They certainly don’t want threatening gross situations (if I could remove all the instances of a stranger molesting me, taking photos of me, following me down the street, I ABSOLUTELY WOULD. Yes these have all happened multiple times unfortunately), but sexual attraction from people you aren’t interested in is a fact of life that confirms you have high SMV. The demand will be greater than supply, in terms of desirability as a vector.

J_Milton_Jr · 2019-08-14T15:54:11+00:00

The heterosexual men i know who arent really crazy about spending time with gay men dislike a very specific kind of gay men ... flamboyant, loud, exaggerated gay men.

Gay men who do not behave like comic characters usually they have no problems with...my BF is like that, he doesnt like flamboyant gay men but his Doc i.e. is gay as fuck and he really likes him.

You do not realize he's gay though because he doesnt talk about his sexualiy with random people and doesnt behave extra "gayish".

TwentyX4 · 2019-08-14T17:13:01+00:00

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm straight. I have plenty of gay friends. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they're attracted to me or want to get with me. I have plenty of female friends, too. I'm not worried that they want to get with me, and they're not worried I want to get with them.

Also, see my other comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cqb9ei/the_same_way_some_straight_men_feel_about_having/ewvb52s

APieceOfFemShit · 2019-08-14T16:09:46+00:00

I wouldn't have a problem with it if the men didn't come off so autistic.. in what way is invading my personal space to breath down my neck normal... Gay men are closer to women, so I doubt it is remotely as uncomfortable to be hit on by a gay man as it is to be a woman being hit on a straight man with non-existent social and self-awareness...

sexfarming · 2019-08-14T16:55:36+00:00

I can't even picture what it'd be like to be hit on all the time. I'm pretty sure I have some gay friends, and I like their company just the same as every other friend. They don't flirt with me though.

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-08-14T17:40:56+00:00

(Some) Women don’t want to be hit on by men they perceive as being beneath them. It makes some of them feel as though, those men feel equal or close enough to them and therefore is a reflection of their overall value.

TheJim66 · 2019-08-14T19:08:42+00:00

The equivalent is "how would you feel if a fat chick that had the hots for you became friends with you and tried to get close" to which I would be somewhat flattered.We feel uncomfortable with the gay men thing because it is gross and because it insults our masculinity so to speak.

LeJacquelope · 2019-08-14T19:55:04+00:00

The fact that women see most men the way men see a gay dude shows just how awful they are. Patriarchy is never going to fix this kind of awful, Handmaid's Tale ain't gonna fix it, no amount of coercion or shaming is going to fix it.

Men need other alternatives to companionship and procreation, period. Fuck the good of the species, we need to care about the good of us as individuals.

LotBuilder · 2019-08-14T22:56:20+00:00

I have gay friends. Good friends. They like hot younger guys just like I like hotter younger girls. My gay friends outnumber my platonic female friends 5 to 3 despite me knowing about 20 gay guys vs 1000+ women. The vast, vast, vast majority of women I know don’t bring a whole lot to the table that interests me aside from sex. That is why I only have a few non romantic friends. Even then, I have had a sexual relationships in the past with 2 of my 3 real female friends.

Gay guys don’t really push up on guys that are strait. I don’t think strait guys push up on a bunch of girls that show zero interest beyond a first initial effort. The issue is women want to keep guys in limbo in the friend zone. She knows he wants her and she likes the attention and utility of him “as a friend” but there is little in it for him other than the glimmer of hope that he may break out of the friend zone one day.

rapplepop · 2019-08-15T02:17:02+00:00

Why do people act like only men commit sexual harassment? Some women are forward and intrusive as fuck. I realize there is a size and strength differential though which makes unwanted attention from a man more scary than unwanted attention from a woman.

rus9384 · 2019-08-15T08:19:26+00:00

Being as a male a friend to a gay does not mean getting sexual attention from them.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-14T16:48:55+00:00

That sounds a little arrogant to me, if you don't want to be friends with gay men because they might hit on you. Maybe they just, you know, want to be a friend, not ravish you. What makes you think you're all that?

A hetero man creeping on a woman is a little different because men are generally bigger and stronger than women and rape is a thing, hence it makes sense for us to be a little guarded.

SparrowInAHurricane · 2019-08-14T16:11:49+00:00

This is only for people who see their main value in life as SMV. I have straight male friends, gay male friends, straight female friends and gay female friends. There is so much more you can actually do in life than have sex. Once you get it out in the open that there is no mutual attraction, it is just a normal friendship for people who don't get preoccupied with their own ego.

officerkondo · 2019-08-14T17:35:25+00:00

I have a real-life story to change your view. My girlfriend was at her usual dive bar last weekend and did a few "interviews" with her gay friends in which they described how hot and "daddy" I am. One went on about how I could have been a Colt model in 1978-1984. (I had to find out what a Colt model was).

Now, while I do enjoy the company of men from time to time, none of her gay friends are attractive to me in the slightest; I have no sexual interest in them. That said, I ate it up with a spoon because I love the attention and wowing. Shit, she took it upon herself to do this because she knew I loved the attention.

So to answer your question, no, I would not be "guarded". I would be flattered and enjoy the attention but it would go no further than that.

Red__Blue · 2019-08-14T20:11:20+00:00

I don't assume gay men are violent paedophilic rapists that want to hurt me, no.

[deleted] · 2019-08-14T17:47:17+00:00

Well duh. Just be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Terps don't have a problem with that. However we as men have to escalate anyway to find out if she really isn't into us or maybe just playing games/hard to get. There is only one way to find out. But being persistent. Of course there's a line too. That's why it's necessary to calibrate

couldbemage · 2019-08-14T17:57:51+00:00

I wouldn't. And yeah, some men are homophobic. Which is typically considered a bad thing. Since you're making the comparison, you're saying something bad about women, but it doesn't seem like you know that.

NockerJoe · 2019-08-14T21:03:11+00:00

Like half my best friends are on the LGBT spectrum. I have no idea what the fuck you're on about

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-08-15T00:44:40+00:00

I got hit on by a gay guy once, and that's the only time in my life anyone has ever made an explicit advance on me. I wasn't interested, but I was still genuinely flattered. I was fine being a sexual object for said man. Also... I get along with gay guys fine, too. Better than I get along with women, generally.

Of course I'm not a coward who is terrified of everything in life like most women so maybe that's the difference.

muddynips · 2019-08-15T00:52:59+00:00

Some of my best friends are gay, many of them hit on me. I am not repulsed or vindictive toward them, regardless of my lack of attraction.

I’m not saying your comparison has no use as a thought experiment, but my experience has been the opposite of your conclusion.

FjamsDK · 2019-08-15T08:25:12+00:00

Who are all those men who don't get along with day men?

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-08-15T10:45:55+00:00

I actually appreciate unwanted sexual attention, as do I think a lot of guys do.

smasher187 · 2019-08-15T12:36:18+00:00

I love sexual attention from even girls that I'm not interested in.

exit_sandman · 2019-08-15T12:37:37+00:00

Pfff, as if women weren't insisting on establishing friendships with guys they have no romantic and/or sexual interest in.

DopeBergoglio · 2019-08-15T12:44:16+00:00

Those man are bigoted. Are you saying that all the women are bigoted?

Nobodykers · 2019-08-15T14:43:57+00:00

Gay men have flirted with me. I don't give a fuck

incelicious · 2019-08-15T15:19:07+00:00

Nah this comparison is terrible. I would rather be hit on by an ugly girl than by a gay man.

Bntt89 · 2019-08-15T20:44:01+00:00

So right off the bat you can be friends with gay people and not have them be attracted to you. You know they may have normal interests like normal people because they ARE normal people and then you become friends with them. You could just use the idea of getting advances from a fat ugly girl I think most of us would get the point that way.

RedditAccount57 · 2019-08-16T22:13:40+00:00

Nonsense.

Men don't want to be associated with gays because (some) other people, including women, will call them fags.

And seeing the way even lefty women treat bi-men, bringing your heterosexuality into doubt in an already harsh dating market is a losing proposition.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-08-17T11:20:44+00:00

men be talking "women and men cant be friends, like ever" all the time and post field reports to support the claim but when women put up strong boundaries they froth at their mouth. pathetic and quite telling.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-08-17T11:39:19+00:00

So I have a friend who has just recently been getting into these entitled parents stories. We eventually started talking about them and would laugh at the sheer stupidity of Darwin's failed experiments until last week.

She began to be more and more quiet and when I finally pressed her she revealed that she's been coming across some of the stories of attempted kidnapping and they reminded her of a night years ago. She never made a reddit account so she asked me if I could post her store.

After telling me what happened we're both still not sure if this fits here or not. But it's a story that if someone would ever find themselves in a similar situation they may get some ideas to protect themselves.

So without further ado. This is a story we titled : the bus ride.

Many moons ago, in the early 2000s, my friend "Sarah" was going to the local state college. Now while the college was in the city, she lived out in the county with her father and would use the bus system to go to and from school. One afternoon, after class, her and her friends went to one of their apartments to study for some exams. Well being the young and responsible young adults that they were, studied for maybe 10 minutes before things turned to a more festive gathering.

After a few hours, Sarah happened to glance at the clock which caused her mind snap, "hey dumba**! What time does that last bus run?"

Screaming profanities and prayers warding off her demise by her father. She quickly ran to the bus stop just in time to catch its final trip of the night. With a huge sigh of relief, she flopped down into a seat in the back and threw her headphones on. Lost in thoughts of what elaborate tales to tell her father. She hadn't noticed a little boy walking up to her until she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye as he sat down beside her.

She somehow managed not to recoil at the site of the child because while the child was completely filthy and reminded her of someone from deliverance, it was his creepy smile that she remembered most. He just sat there smiling at her. Until she slowly slid her headphones down and the following interact began.

Sarah: Hello?

CC: Hello.

Sarah: Hello.

CC: You're pretty.

Sarah: Well, thank you.

CC: What's your name?

Now Sarah had this policy of never giving any personal info to strangers but kids were usually harmless in her opinion. But every alarm was going off on her head.

Sarah: Katie.

CC: that's a nice name.

Sarah: Well I like it .

Then the kid just sat there; smiling at her. After like a few minutes of smiling the kid finally said. "You would make a great mom." And hopped down and walked back to and even more dirty and unkempt monster of a man, whom she could only assumed was the boys father. Cause just like his son he was just smiling at her. When she looked at him he nodded politely and kept smiling.

She put her headphones back on and dug out a book to pretend to study but she kept looking back and noticed both of them just smiling right at her. As each stop came up and went she prayed they would get off but as the bus began to empty of other passengers she soon found it was just her, some middle age woman and those two.

The bus was beginning to slow for its next stop in a small town that had a series of restaurants. She could take them anymore rd e and decided that it was safer for her to go to the mcds and wait for her father than to sit on that bus any longer. So she gathered her things and prepared to disembark. As she allowed the woman to pass she noticed the man gathering their things.

"Oh hell no!" She thought. But she didn't want to make it out like she was trying to avoid them so she moved to the seat near the front and sat back down. To her horror she watched as the man and his son took another seat and sat back down. Still smiling at her and nodding.

Her anxiety was through the roof at this point as she watch more stops come and go until her stop was coming up. What was she going to do? Her mind raced. As the bus came to her stop she gathered her things again and watched in horror as the man gathered there things. Instead of getting off she sat back down behind the driver.

Sarah: "How much further till the end of the line?"

Driver: "3 more stops."

Sarah then leaned in and told the driver about the man and her son and asked if it was possible to have the police there when they arrived. The driver looked into the mirror and then told her he'd take care of it.

Sarah glanced back and her heart jumped into her throat as while the little boy was still smiling at her. The father wasn't. She described it as the look a parent gives their child when they done something wrong and wait till we get home.

Now Sarah was usually a very strong individual but she was in tears as she took out her phone and tried to call her father; voicemail.

Who else could she call? She finally decided to call her ex. He may have been a disloyal PoS but she could always rely on him when it counted most.

Sarah: please answer... pleasee...

Jack: Hello?

Quietly as she could she poured her heart out about what was happening and asked if he could meet them at the last stop.

Jack: " I'm at Roger's right now and it's about 20 minutes to get there but I'll get there as fast as I can."

Sarah: "Please hurry." She begged.

Finally they came over the hill to where the final stop was. Frantically, she looked for something, anything that could help her but there was nothing. Finally the bus pulled in and the door swung open. The man glared down at her; waiting for her to get off first.

Driver: Hold up miss. I need to talk to you about your bus pass.

The man stood there for a moment until the driver told him this was the last stop and he needed to get off.

Man: " I'm waiting for my..."

Driver: " sir, you need to get off. If your waiting for her she'll be along shortly but I need you to get off now."

Angrily the man stomped off with his child in tow. As soon as they got off the driver shut the door.

Man: WHAT THE...??

The man began yelling and banging on the door and Sarah was scared he was going to break the glass until she notice two police cars pulling in followed shortly but the little piece of crap Jack drove.

The police ordered the man away to them and she couldn't hear what was being said. Jack later revealed that the man was claiming that Sarah was his daughter and he was taking her home. Once Jack asked him her name and he said Katie. That was all she wrote. In the end the man got into a fight with Jack and the officers but was finally arrested.

When she got home and told her father what happened he tossed her the keys to his old 82 Ram and she was to never ride the bus again. While it was loud and a pain to drive she never felt safer. But she did ride the bus one final time after that; when she delivered a plate of cookies to the driver who saved her life.

EDIT1: well I'm sitting here with Sarah and just went through the comments and she says she cannot express her gratitude enough for the support. So since we have some time before work she wanted to answer a few of the questions left behind.

She says that she's been okay for a while now for the most part. She went to therapy, and the support of friends and family helped a lot. She still has trouble being alone and she does have things that remind her of that night like, as we said before, the stories of attempted kidnapping cause it makes her wonder what would have become of her if things had turned out differently.

Also, she never wanted to be someone who falsely accused someone which is why she didnt act sooner. But as for the guy's intentions he never indicated he was just selling boy scout cookies.

As for the kid, she doesn't know what happened to him. Her mind was more focused on the father and getting the hell home asap added to the whirlwind of what just happened and how long ago this was she thinks the child was taken with the father. As for the kids behavior, she says she wasn't sure but he may have had some kind of mental issues? She didn't ask.

The excuse of "she's my daughter" was told to her by her ex; since she was still on the bus. She was never told if he tried to use any other excuse.

--- from letsnotmeet subreddit.

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ThatGamer707 · 2019-08-14T15:56:37+00:00

I don't think men worry as much about being hit on by gay men as being seen as gay themselves. I'm bi and it doesn't bother me at all when ppl hit on me that I am not attracted to. I mean I get hit on by guys and girls all the time I am not attracted to. I work bachelorette parties and other events and pretty much get hit on, propositioned and felt up every weekend by girls and guys.

I take it as a compliment mostly. I will say though that trying to be friends with guys or girls that have a crush on you is futile. I have given up on it because as soon as they realize you won't actually date or hook up they start fading away...

You can be in uncomfortable situations sometimes being hit on but I would rather be hit on and deal with those than not hit on at all. I mean you gotta take the good with the bad. It sounds privileged saying I only want the good experiences but not the bad (I only want hot ppl to hit on me).

[deleted] · 2019-08-14T16:01:47+00:00

Most heterosexual men will be disgusted by the idea of homosexual relationships with someone but we are by no means that disgusted by the person in itself as some seen to suggest. These groups just don't mix well because they have way diverging opinions and focuses. one focus V the other D. Two different paths. But no aversion. At least to the ones not religious inclined.

Nobody wants sexual attention from someone they are not sexually interested in.

Yes. true. But only if it a bother (looking at you flamboyant gays). If a gay man tries to hit on me, I just say not interested and we both go our own ways. Happens a lot in my line of work. We just communicate what we want and behave accordingly, quite easy.

The same cannot be said of heterosexual relations right?

CamoWoobie10000 · 2019-08-15T01:57:11+00:00

Theres a scale to it. I am actively repulsed by gay men, women are not repulsed by all men they are not attracted to. There is a "neutral" and "maybe later" category. There are also women who get satisfaction out of attention and validation from orbiters even if theyd never sleep with them.

Shadow_Of_ · 2019-08-15T01:56:36+00:00

Because gay people are disgusting