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Question For WomenLow N-count women in serious relationships, what kind of man did you pick? (self.PurplePillDebate)

submitted by ColCrin

There has been much talk about high N-count men who desire serious relationships with low N-count women so I was wondering who those women actually picked.

Low n-count women, what is your n-count? What is the n-count of your man?

What do you think about his N-count and what does he think of yours? (Maybe you don’t care, maybe he doesn’t care, that’s fine too)

Bonus question, what do you think of the following quotes?

I also know that women who love sex tend to go out and have a lot of it, this trope of the innocent virgin turned porn star sex kitten for the right guy is total BS.

Who would want a wife that is a wholesome angel honestly? How about a wife that welcomes you home on her knees, mouth wide open? These men are lying to themselves if they're saying they don't want a fun wife.


[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!29 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Current n count of 1, picked a guy who also didn't have an n count at the time. I wouldn't have dated someone who had an n count due to religious up bringing. We started dating at 14 though sooo.

​

I'm not religious now, if he were to die (or cheat/leave/start to abuse me causing me to leave him) I don't think I'd start slutting it up. I'd probably just be a giant flirt who has no intention of sleeping with anyone.

[–]persceptivepanda2614 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh god prepare for the wave of red pills who think you're a soul sucking siren for this

I'd probably just be a giant flirt who has no intention of sleeping with anyone.

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sirens are some of the coolest mystical creatures so I'll be fine with that.

[–]abqkat6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I've been called some choice names. For me, the bulk of the fun is the chase. Like op, I'd probably flirt a ton but fuck very very few people. The number of dudes who think that offering sex is somehow unique or noteworthy is laughable. Coupled with thinking that their attraction is the only requirement: "you don't know how attracted I am to you!" O...kay? Getting sex would be so easy for me, a non-fat, non-terrible-looking, reasonably sane woman. I always try to assure them that I'm having exactly as much sex as I want, but I think it's lost on people who, overall, have to try harder for sex and want it more, overall

[–]87AudreyHorne1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd probably just be a giant flirt who has no intention of sleeping with anyone.

That was me for the most part (minus being religious)

[–]badgersonice31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Both low (I know it's an anonymous forum, but that info feels too private to share specifics), and we both prefer it. I never wanted a high-n man because it speaks to him having different values than me, and values matter in a LTR.

​

I don't think negatively of high-n guys in general, I just wouldn't want to date them. That being said.... I am repulsed by the high-n men who will only seriously date low-n women. Those guys think sex is somehow detrimental to a woman, and yet they felt comfortable inflicting something they believe is harmful on multiple women. It speaks very poorly of a man's character if he has spent a lot of time and effort on turning as many women as possible into exactly the kinds of women he would reject for a relationship. If he thinks sex with men somehow lessens a woman's value, then I certainly don't want risk being just another one of the women he looks down on for having sex.

[–]boomcheese446 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I absolutely agree when you state it that way.

[–]HottentotGeniusHippie Chadavius✊🏽3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I purposefully won't sleep with a low-N girl I like as a person if I KNOW she'll want something more

[–]FlavFal31F19 points20 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Mine is 1, same for him. I was very happy about it, the learning experience was great. I've always wanted to explore and learn together instead of learning from someone else who had already seen everything.

I don't really agree with those quotes, plenty of virgins want to fuck like animals (with the right person). I personally can't go a day without it.

[–]KV-n1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

How old were you?

[–]FlavFal31F5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I was 28 he was 20.

[–]jessicaannpin1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

How did you go so long without wanting to have sex? Don’t you feel like you missed out on a good 10 years of good sex?

[–]FlavFal31F11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Mental illness. Yes, I know I missed out.

[–]jessicaannpin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That sucks. But it’s cool you found someone special.

[–]FlavFal31F1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I mean, if that was a severe mental illness, you might not understand you were missing out.

[–]FlavFal31F7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I knew I was missing out because I desired sex.

[–]mewacketergiKindly Quit Yer Friggen Pill Habit Already-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you don't mind me asking, what defines your beliefs as a radical feminist?

[–]rus9384Misanthrope2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What? Meow. Read the flair again.

[–]mewacketergiKindly Quit Yer Friggen Pill Habit Already0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh!

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We both have an n-count of one. We've been together ~15 years and are getting married.

We both like that we're each other's first. It means we don't have much in the way of hangups, since we've never explored something before. There's a running joke that we'll have a sex dungeon by the time we're in our 40s since we get more and more adventurous as the years go on.

[–]philomexaSPITE ALONE HOLDS ME ALOFT12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

My N count is 3, my husband's N count is over 50 (I think its 54?). We met and eloped when we were 20 and 21.

As far as I gather neither one of us cared about each others N count, and it only came up during a drunk conversation or two. When I met my husband I knew he was popular with girls and had a few Becky orbiters hanging around him, and his roommates/friends used to rib him on his exploits. I knew he was a player but I was never fearful of him playing me.

I've never had any glaring sexual hang ups and don't mind getting freaky with my husband, I kept my N count low because my parents drilled it into my head that I MUST protect my reputation and my future.

Fear of teen pregnancy/single motherhood/bad reputation kept me of the chaste side of life, however early unfiltered access to the internet (I'm talking AOL 3.0) destroyed any sort of fear based shame that could have developed.

I knew a lot about sex, which means I also knew I had to choose my partners judiciously.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

He was in the N=50's by 21? That's pretty impressive.

[–]philomexaSPITE ALONE HOLDS ME ALOFT7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Got started at 16, he was in a popular band and then a frat.

[–]RRBeachFG21 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thats not impressive

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm impressed. 🤷‍♂️

[–]RRBeachFG22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm impressed also, but not in a good way is what i mean.

[–]shoup88Report me bitch24 points25 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Both of us have an n count of one. We started dating when I had just turned 18 and he was a few months shy of 21. We’ve been together over 12 years now.

He’s a smart, stable, caring man. I never intended to marry the first guy I dated though. That seemed crazy to me, but it’s how it worked out.

If we hadn’t met or if we had broke up for some reason I’d be pretty slutty, I think.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If we hadn’t met or if we had broke up for some reason I’d be pretty slutty, I think.

[–]shoup88Report me bitch4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did you mean to add something to this? You just repeated what I said.

[–]TheReformist942 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why do you think you'd be slutty?

[–]shoup88Report me bitch4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Because I really like sex, I’m a little boy crazy, I have no issues with n counts, and I run in a crowd where that’s rampant.

[–]TheReformist940 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you feel like you're missing out?

[–]shoup88Report me bitch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A little when I was younger but not anymore. A big chunk of my peer group is married or in long term relationships. Dating doesn’t look so fun for the single ones.

Out of sight, out of mind.

[–]persceptivepanda261 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me (basically same situation and wouldn't trade it for the world), I'm a major hyper sexual and I don't attach easily

[–]Nobodykers-1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

How did you meet, did he approach? Did you signal interest? Were you friends first?

[–]shoup88Report me bitch2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

We met through mutual friends but we weren’t friends. He was at my high school grad and we made out all night. I did the classic clueless high schooler move of stealing with his hat - that was how I flirted lol.

I don’t remember the specifics of who made what moves. We both flirted with each other.

[–]Nobodykers2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

So perhaps it isnt always specifically the girl who sends signals on which the guy reacts. What you describe could be a dynamic of both parties signalling interest and slowly building up to a level where it is utterly certain that they want one another. Its a way of feeling out the other person's personality after the physical attractiveness threshold has been passed.

[–]shoup88Report me bitch8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I think that’s how it works for “normal” people. It’s not one person pursuing a passive object. It’s two people engaging and escalating with each other.

[–]Nobodykers1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I almost edited my post in an attempt to differentiate between promiscuous men and women who engage in this behaviour just to hook up and not give a fuck after, And people who engage in this behaviour because they see a valuable partner. The latter being what you describe as "normal" people. I think this is very plausible, my personal paradigm on human behaviour has been updated thanks to your input

[–]shoup88Report me bitch2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think it’s any different tbh. People who are just going to hook up are still flirting with each other and actively showing interest.

The difference is the content of the flirting, not the fact that it exists.

Maybe I’m not getting what you’re saying.

[–]Nobodykers1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What i mean is that there are groups of people(A) who signal interest to attractive mates where hooking up is the end goal, and people(B) who signal interest because they (perhaps unconsciously) seek a valuable mate.

This goes for hooking up during night life. In these settings alcohol plays a very prominent role. Alcohol could potentially be the sole reason for why people(A) even exists. It thrives on the absence of our ability to make rational decisions.

[–]shoup88Report me bitch1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But the dynamic is the same, no? Two people flirting and escalating and engaging with each other. Regardless of the end goal.

I don’t think you can glean any of this from my experience. We were drunk, we made out all night, I never expected we would start dating. It turned it to that anyways.

[–]mfnHuman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Messing with a guys hat is flirting?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Mine is very very low (the exact number is nobody's business but mine and Mr. Abrams') and I don't honestly know what his is, because this man has been trickle-truthing me for the past 20 years. Every five years or so he'll let it drop that he did this or that with this girl or that girl. But whatever.

Oddly, when we married, he assumed my count was a lot higher than it actually is. When I asked him about that, he shrugged and said that he just assumed that a pretty single girl in THE BIG CITY would take advantage of it.

We have been married for 19 years and together for 22, so half my life at this point. The only time either of us gives it a moment's thought is when these questions come up on PPD.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Mine is very very low

0.0034.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, I have kids, so it's higher than that.

[–]persceptivepanda263 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm more interested in the trickle truthing. Is that the only thing he does that with?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yup.

I'm sure that if I sat him down and asked him to list everybody in his past, he would do so, but I honestly do not care at all and we have never had that conversation. Everything has come out organically.

Even with the trickle truthing, it's not like his N is 100 or anything.

[–]CyJackX5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay, I guess the phrase "trickle truthing" to me implied that it was a purposefully slow dissemination of information, but you're saying it's just naturally not come up?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, my use of "trickle truthing" was intended to be sarcastic.

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Jesus, you were only together for 3 years when you got married and it actually worked...

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

"Only?" Three years is plenty long enough to know if you want to marry someone. JFC, how long do you think people should wait?

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

My grandparents were together for 10 years before marriage and their parents were together for a little less than that and both couples died loving each other. My dad only waited 3 years on one of his marriages and by the 2nd year of it she did a complete 180 on all of us.

From the sounds of things youre most likely older than me so it must be due to your generation, but in mine people give up or flip within a moments notice. The bonds just aren't as strong. I think id need at least 3 years before moving in, 5 years before even considering marriage. That's just due to my environment though, I used to want to be married nearly right away before I truly knew women.

[–]drebunny4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

BTW I think you mean a complete 180. A 360 means coming full circle so you are the same as where you first started. 180 is opposite of where you started.

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah youre right I changed it haha

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

she did a complete 360 on all of us.

I think you mean 180

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea someone else mentioned it my mistake

[–]decoy88Black Male in London1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. I find those from more rural areas or foreign lands tend to marry a lot quicker. In London you’ll have folks together for 8 years going “not yet”

Personally I think it’s better that way. Too many roads not traveled has a high chance of people feeling like they’ve missed out and resentful

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think I might move to London once I have things figured out. Not sure if London women like American dudes though haha

[–]decoy88Black Male in London1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

An American is absolutely fine in London.

[–]abqkat1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, I married after 19 months. That was pretty soon, objectively. And while I think there is a "too soon," there is definitely too long, where it seems like a proposal is out of a feeling of "next step" than true commitment. Depending on the age you meet, I just don't think it takes 5+ years to know, and every couple who waited that long, ime, it was inertia, not deliberation

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The only couple I know who had longer than a one-year engagement did that because they had back-to-back overseas commitments and weren't on the same continent until 2004, after having met in grad school in 2001. Shit or get off the pot, as my grandmother used to say.

[–]Supernumiphone-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But what kind of man did you pick?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tall hot UC INTP.

[–]ElderlyAlderAsk me about the Toe Pill9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We started dating at 18 (me) and 20 (him). Married and together 6 years now. We were both virgins, although I think he had more experience with highschool girlfriends and messing around than me. We're very vanilla and we want a lot of children. Not religious at all.

[–]wigglysharkpurple people eater16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I had an N-count of zero and wanted a man who also had an N-count of zero. My husband was also a virgin when we started dating, and he was pretty much exactly what I wanted; a good-looking, intelligent, quiet guy who generally kept to himself. He had a lot of ambition career-wise and wanted a big family. He treated me like gold and it was just evident from the very beginning that we were crazy about each other; there were no games, no unkindness, no indecisiveness. I feel incredibly lucky that it worked out this way, I love that I’m the only woman he has ever had sex with, and that I’ve only ever been his.

As for the quote, I think the reasons why someone is low N-count matter. A girl who was raised to view sex as shameful and wrong will probably not be welcoming hubby home naked at the door with a blowjob. I’ve had one sexual partner, my husband, but I also have a ridiculously high libido and was raised to view sex in a healthy way. Same for my husband. So things aren’t boring around here by any means.

[–]KV-n0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How old were you?

[–]wigglysharkpurple people eater2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We started dating when we were 16. We’re both in our 20s now.

[–]nevomintoarcePurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

When did you meet?

[–]wigglysharkpurple people eater3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

High school, we started dating at the beginning of my senior year and have been together ever since.

[–]whichbladeNA Paler Shade of Purple21 points22 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

We both were each other's first partners. Started dating at 16.

Our low N count isn't a reflection of sex negativity since we were so young when we started. We're both sexually adventurous.

The problem with virgin women that you marry in mid 20s is that they are most likely sex negative. And if they are saving themselves because of religion, they will want a religious man.

[–]GridReXXit be like that19 points20 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yep. If you want a virgin female SO who actually likes sex, you have to COMMIT to her with the intention of marriage when she’s between the ages of 15-21.

Which means expecting teenage/ early 20s guys to want marriage or “one girl forever” at that age. It’s not realistic for most. Or rather most men who want virgins miss out on it because they weren’t willing to commit to her at 19. (Not saying all women want to commit at young ages either)

If she’s a virgin post a certain age, she’s likely sex / male negative.

[–]concacanca4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yup agree with this. Not even just the virgins but the high libido low n women, its just age and commitment thats keeping their n low, there isn't a big group of women just sat around for years just waiting for Mr. Right and not dating around.

[–]GridReXXit be like that2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep. I think early patriarchs knew that. Which is why they married girls off 12-17. To get them matched to a guy before they start developing attractions and crushes.

I grew up going to Christian sleepaway camps. Our counselors in the cabins were 16-21. They were engaged at like 17. we used to joke “you guys are only getting married because you want to have sex”

That was literally the only reason. So they could keep their virginity until marriage. But they’re horny teens. They weren’t going to just not have sex. So they got married/engaged. Most of these marriages/ engagements don’t last btw. Most Ppl don’t know who they are at 16.

[–]concacanca0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. One of my wife's aunts and her two kids are committed Muslims and it's crazy common for people in their community to get married purely for sex. One cousin is on her 4th marriage.... Never works out when it's rushed and doubly so when young.

Ultimately, considering the average n count, age of marriage and engagement length, it certainly looks like most people are dating a few people between the start of high school and end of college and then settling down with a relatively low to middling n count. High libido chicks included. Pretty much all guys are cool with that. The only thing notably absent is casual sex.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep. Agreed. Outliers exist but they are rare.

[–]GridReXXit be like that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol, yes! I accounted for the outliers by using relative terms like “most” and “likely”.

[–]poppy_bluBeware the freight train5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Define low count

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are going to get five different answers from these men, if memory serves.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think a safe answer for this sub is 5 or less

[–]sadomasochristnAWALT = Not red pilled0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

0-2

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To me, single digits = low . That includes genital involved activity not touching and a handjob would be more like half a count to me lol

[–]xKalistoSAHM of Yurop6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Me and my husband are each others N-count. We started dating when we were 16/22 so I didn't have any other opportunities and he had video games so didn't chase skirts. Neither of us really minds. I guess we kinda wonder how it might be with different people but I don't think it would be better (cause it's pretty damn good)

Idk about the quote it probably varies. Can't say I greet him on my knees, I usually greet him by shoving baby in his face lol.

[–]classylassy284 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I picked a great guy. We started young and now he is 31 and his career is amazing, he works out, is a great dad and treats me so well. He was always a calm, quiet dude, I didn't like the bad boys.

My N count is 3.

He has no issues with mine. His n count Is 8-9 and I'm happy it's not higher (over ten I'd probably be turned off) but happy he got to experience enough.

Poeple want a partner who is a good person. Doesn't mean some frigid person in bed, lights off, missionary. You need to be open and wild and try EVERYTHING at least two times lol. My husband and me are wild together, amazing chemistry and have done some crazy stuff in bed. You don't need a high n count to be good, just a great partner who is open. Easy to find really.

[–]immaculacy6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Zero previous partners for me. I chose a virgin man as well.

I would never accept a non-virgin guy. The thought of that is absolutely insane.

We are both really really happy. :D

​

"I also know that women who love sex tend to go out and have a lot of it, this trope of the innocent virgin turned porn star sex kitten for the right guy is total BS."

Literally completely wrong. It's a trope for a reason. Girls who don't waste their emotional and mental connection and time sleeping around have all of that saved for one guy. They will go crazy on just him. I've seen it every single time. Not even one exception in real life. Every virgin girl I know turned into a "porn star" for her one guy. On the other hand, girls who already slept with others kind of just "yeah ok it's just sex, let's do it, ok." They're not nearly as into it.

​

"Who would want a wife that is a wholesome angel honestly? How about a wife that welcomes you home on her knees, mouth wide open? These men are lying to themselves if they're saying they don't want a fun wife."

This quote disgusts me.

He seems to think a woman having sex with her husband is dirty or immoral. He's messed up in the head. A wholesome angel blows her husband as much as she wants.

Not only that, but he thinks the concept of being an "angel" is a bad thing. What the heck? He's also straight up lying. Nobody said they don't want a fun wife. No one said that. He deliberately chooses to incorrectly interpret "angel" as "not fun" because he wants to make himself seem smarter than other guys or something. He's lying and he even projects "well other men are lying!" into his quote. He seems like a pretentious idiotic weirdo.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You seem to have a perverse fascination with other people's sexual habits for such a prude.

[–]immaculacy2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I can't even tell which part of what you said is supposed to be the insult.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

None of it.

[–]immaculacy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok thank you then

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Mine is 4. Have no idea what his is. We've never once talked about it.

I agree with the first quote. There are always exceptions but in general you're not going to find an uninhibited kinky nympho girl with a low n unless you get lucky and meet her young. My husband and I have a healthy sex life, 3 times a week or so, but it's as vanilla as it gets.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Kinks are not about N counts. I desire a variety of women, but I am not into kinky stuff.

I am not against group sex, but that's all.

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

They are more likely to go together than not.

I'm not saying all high n people are kinky. I'm saying if you want kinky sex (and it seems a lot of men on this sub do), you're less likely to find it in an inhibited low n girl.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

inhibited low n girl.

True. If inhibition is the cause of low N counts.

[–]fevertree0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is the ideal cause of low n count?

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ask those who value low N counts.

[–]lefactorybebe12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My count is 2, my bfs count is 3. He was always a relationship guy, never into anything casual. Actually, the night we first hooked up was the most casual thing he'd ever done.

He doesn't care about my count and I don't care about his. He's happy I wasn't into casual sex cause it matches up with his preferences, and vice versa.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He doesn't care about my count and I don't care about his.

And you still have very low counts; which I suspect factors into either of you not caring.

It's like "I am independently wealthy, but I don't care about money"

[–]lefactorybebe6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. I said in that other thread about n count that I'd have an issue with a guy who was a manwhore. Of course it's not an issue for us because we agree.

[–]Reisiluu 1 points [recovered]  (50 children) | Copy Link

His n count is around 5-10, most of which were girlfriends. His reaction to my zero was disbelief. I don't mind his number although less would have been better.

Answer to the bonus question. It's very rare but possible. I was a virgin before meeting my husband and he often claims I'm "addicted to cock". My upbringing included very good sex ed and happily married parents which made me not seek validation from random men, and additionally I'm not on hormonal BC which often kills libido. I think those factors are key to finding the mythical low n nympho.

[–]jessicaannpin1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

How old were you when you met him?

Why didn’t you desire sex before meeting him?

[–]Reisiluu 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

  1. I did desire sex but I didn't have a boyfriend to have sex with before him.

To me having sex with strangers would be like eating the finest chocolate cake off the sidewalk. Totally pointless.

[–]jessicaannpin-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

19 is extremely young. I lost my virginity at 18. But I didn’t have an orgasm until 21, so I didn’t have much desire for sex before then.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to wait to a reasonable level of maturity before having sex. But if you have to force yourself to be in relationships in order to get laid as an adult, that’s impractical.

You know nothing about casual sex because you’ve never had it. Some of my best encounters have been casual. My main ex was probably the best of all, but that’s why he stuck for the longest. My other top 5 have been casual. Relationship sex isn’t always better. If anything, it’s harder to optimize for good sex in relationships because there are so many other factors to consider. In casual encounters, physical chemistry is the only variable that matters.

[–]Reisiluu 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

19 is young to have sex? I don't think so.

I don't know why you'd describe being in a relationship as forcing oneself but relationship sex is the most practical of all. It's safe, readily available and the quality is under your control.

You are right that I don't know anything about casual sex. And yet I don't have any desire to know and would be happy to only sleep with my husband all my life. Some men here say they'd hate to have a wife who revels in memories of her previous lovers and thinks that relationship sex is worse.

[–]jessicaannpin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What happens if you and your husband get divorced? How long will you go without sex?

Relationship sex isn’t worse with everyone. But you have to land a well endowed top performer. That’s how my main ex was and why I dated him the longest.

[–]xayawarriorprincessradfem3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My count is 1, his is more, not sure of the actual number. He was in five other LTRs before me and I know he has been casual. I don't really care about how many people he's slept with, but I do like that he's experienced, since I wasn't and I had no clue what I was doing.

He doesn't care about mine as far as I know, though it was romantic that he was my 'first', I don't think it would have changed anything between us if he wasn't.

For the quotes, I think it's reasonable to assume that a lot of guys would prefer a sexually experienced partner over a clueless virgin. Different strokes for different folks.

[–]PennnyLameMY VAGINA IS A SOVEREIGN NATION!! ✊🏼1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have only had PIV with my husband. Husband only has an estimate of the number of people he had intercourse with- I am #9(?) He thinks counting things like this are bizarre and that virginity is “a construct.”

I think the issue with the quotes is that virgin =\= chaste. I hadn’t had intercourse but I was making out and getting felt up and sometimes escalating to 2 seconds of oral etc. I wasn’t repressed or disgusted by sex- I wanted to feel comfortable and sure about the person I was having it with. So I did all the weird stuff I had been previously only been journaling about with my husband. 14 years later we have sex frequently and I think it’s fantastic.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

N count of 1 and I’m with a guy who was a virgin till we met

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney12 points13 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

I have 2 and he has 2 (I think). I honestly wouldn't mind if he had more time to play the field. He thought my count was much higher because several of his social group claimed to have been with me. One of his best friends (that I thought I politely turned down) actually told him I was a slut and no way marriage material. They are not friends anymore and that guy has been divorced 5 times.

The wholesome girl who wants to be a sex kitten for the right man is a 100% reality. There is nothing wrong with wanting a wholesome wife/mother of your children in public who can be fun with just you.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.10 points11 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/comments/cf6xr8/what_was_your_breaking_point/

Your n might be low but I get why people might perceive you as loose if this is something that you're still going through as of an hour ago.

[–]lemonfluff4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why would you go someone's comments like that in response to a very neutral comment?

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's dishonest.

The women here are already railed on for dishonesty when it doesn't validate the male view. This comment, however, does, and when I originally saw it it was highly rated because the male population upvote what sounds nice and downvote what doesn't.

While I'll admit it was unkind of me, it's dishonest, and the only way this sub works is if people are honest.

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney5 points6 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

I certainly hope that making Sneid omments about people, timelines and circumstances you know nothing about makes you feel good.

[–]persceptivepanda269 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Imagine emotionally cheating and trying to take the moral high ground lol

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Imagine online trolls being judgmental. We are all having fun today.

[–]persceptivepanda261 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Judging felons doesn't make you judgement, it just means you know a shitty person did a shitty thing. You're a shitty person doing a shitty thing lol

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You are charming.

[–]persceptivepanda260 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

OoOh I didn't mean to give you the attention you desperately crave

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then by all means, please stop and let me suffer.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.4 points5 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Nope. Makes me feel pity is all.

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

See, we at least have that in common.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.7 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Shame there's no pity for your SO.

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Again you are projecting your own experience into something in which you are not involved. I assure you he needs no pity.

[–]HennythepainawayI don't even like Henny0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I mean you're emotionally cheating on him.

who can be fun with just you

What happened to that?

[–]SweetLikeTupeloHoney1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Please explain your point and how it applies to the topic. I don't understand what you are looking for.

[–]HennythepainawayI don't even like Henny1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The wholesome girl who wants to be a sex kitten for the right man

You're acting like you're someone who waited for the right man to let loose. Sure you haven't slept around a bunch, but you're emotionally messing around with other people. Sort of pokes holes in your argument and brings the question on whether you actually are happy with your low n count.

I'm not too familiar with limerence. Is it just intense crushes. Do you ever physically act on them? emotionally? You said your husband needs no pity. Does he know? Is he ok with it?

If he doesn't, the friend sounds right, you weren't marriage material.

[–]lurkingconfused2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

We were 18, he was my 1st, I was his second.The funny thing is I thought HE was a virgin bc he let me take the lead and do everything how I wanted, and he thought i'd been around the block bc I let him go down on me on our first date and would've fucked him if we'd had condoms. We had sex the next day but I didn't let him know he was the first for a little bit. I had weird issues with how men (and prior boyfriends) looked at taking a girl's virginity or wanting to "teach me" and really hated the dominance aspect of it.

I had a really good idea about how my body worked and what my sexual tastes were before I had PIV. No issues with morality about sex on my end. I mean, I was a virgin, but not really an innocent one.

Once we clicked, we just moved in together, literally after a few weeks. If I hadn't been with him, I might've eventually racked up some #s in failed LTRs,and I imagine he might've gone that route too. I'd say we basically got lucky and were not the sorts of people to have issues with settling down young.

He's too protective and considerate of a person to ever have been a pump and dump type or someone to waste a chick's time in a dead-end LTR just to get sex on the regular, like some of the guys I know. I doubt I would've been attracted to him if that had been his personality. He just was very different than the other guys I dated and I felt it right away.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You weren't exactly a virgin if you gave bj and anal to your previous boyfriends. Or this not innocent means something else?

[–]lurkingconfused1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Actually hadn't sucked a dick OR did anal. Made out, dry humped, shit like that. This was over 30 yrs ago, it wasn't that weird. I actually didn't even suck the hubby's dick until after we'd had sex (and showered lol) Not innocent to me meant, I had a filthy mind and was a chronic masturbator lol

[–]lurkingconfused0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

For the record, I have zero understanding of the mindset of someone who holds back on PIV but substitutes anal! I mean, it has to literally only be about hymen maintenance at that point and as everybody should know by now, there's really no way to test virginity that way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well nowadays women do not include into their notch count "fooling around" and with guys, which include oral (giving and or receiving) or fingering etc. It's still a notch count in my book and many other men's books. Women are just this delusional. Oh well.

[–]doctor_trucks4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

N = 2.

No idea what his is. Never asked, dont care.

He's never asked mine either.

[–]AlternateSkye3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My SO and I have been together four years, and we started dating in high school.

We came from a small town, and growing up he was the last person I thought I'd end up with, but when we actually talked at a party I found him to be really interesting and fun to talk to. He was kinda shy, awkward, but his quit wit and sense of humor always caught me off guard and I LOVE that in a man. with my limited experience I'd never been one to fall really hard really fast, but I definitely did for him. So that was the guy I picked, but we got together at a time in our lives where we were (are?) still finding ourselves, and we've both changed a lot since then.

We're both graduating college this year. We were each others' firsts, so definitely low N count lol. But we're also in an open relationship, and depending on what you count as sex I've slept with 2-4 other people. I mostly lurk on these kinds of subs but I'm curious as to if that throws a wrench into any of these pill theories? I feel like open/poly relationships aren't really talked about. I do think that our N count means SOMEthing, but it's far from a defining factor in our relationship.

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[–]chaddad90007 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Who would want a wife that is a wholesome angel honestly? How about a wife that welcomes you home on her knees, mouth wide open? These men are lying to themselves if they're saying they don't want a fun wife.

IMO a lot of these guys don't actually want this -- the root of the "low n count wife" thing is some deep madonna/whore complex where they want a woman who they think is only capable of making cookies, not throating their dick. Even though RP is about getting laid, there is a ton of sex negativity there.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I find this curious as well, why do you think the RP men lean so heavily to trad-con when they are clearly not religious?

[–]chaddad90007 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I highly suspect a lot of them are Indian guys who want to fuck around before their mom sets them up with the tradwife.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That would explain the emphasis on virgin-whore dichotomy. But don't they see how dumb that is? They will end up divorced.

[–]chaddad90003 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They don't get divorced. Deadbedroomed probably.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

they are clearly not religious?

I literally was told that marriage is a sacred act between a man and a woman on askTRP.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am very surprised to learn this. All the RP men here bash on religion.

[–]Sir_KoopamanSexually Identifies as a Potato1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Tradcons aren't happy that they don't have their own special online space, so they invaded the manosphere and I get the "pleasure" of watching so-called MGTOWs argue that Christianity is red pilled. Wasn't Jesus a lovechild? How is that red pilled, sounds like cuckoldry if you ask me

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It just seems strange that so many "Christian" men would be advocating casual sex.

[–]Sir_KoopamanSexually Identifies as a Potato2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They remind me of the fuckers who drink, smoke, and cheat on their wives but think themselves better than everyone else because they go to a temple and pray once a week (family's Buddhist, I'm not, just repeating what my parents say) and the evangelicals with their innumerable loopholes and "exceptions" that are just as insufferable, ie poophole loophole and TV preachers fucking off to their mansions on their private jets whenever things get bad.

Religion means nothing in terms of morality. Also don't ask me how anal is somehow more sexually acceptable than vanilla sex among that crowd.

[–]blackedoutfastRed Pill Man5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How about a wife that welcomes you home on her knees, mouth wide open? These men are lying to themselves if they're saying they don't want a fun wife.

why would i marry that chick? sluts are fun and all, but if you want to fuck one you can just go to a bar and pick one up. if all of the fun, highly sexual girls have high n-counts because they fuck lots of different dudes, why shouldn't i just be one of those dudes who adds to her n-count? it would be dumb to marry a chick like that.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

First quote is mine, and it comes from my experience growing up in single sex girl's schools where there was a huge dichotomy between the good girls and the sluts.

The good girls settled down soon after high school or college to their first or second partner, and these are the neurotic ones who have sex once a month with the lights off. Maybe a little more frequently if they're trying to conceive their next kid. They're the women who have strict mom's-the-boss rules about what hubby does with his spare time and nag about getting her new kitchen island.

The slutty girls have generally settled down with high n guys they're really into, and kids or no kids, sex remains a big part of their lives.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I am actually wondering why your school had no averages.

But also, girls only schools contribute to female prudishness, I'll say.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What makes you think you have any insight whatsoever into girls schools in the west. You don't need to give your input on every single topic, you know

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Because girls don't get to know how horny boys, but more importantly, they don't get used to it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah that's bullshit

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Who knows?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I do. Because I'm a western woman who went to a girls school. Not a clueless Russian dude.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

And how do you know it does not have such effects? I mean, sometimes.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Because I lived it and I saw it all around me

[–]ColCrin[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Maybe that's because those women were repressed. The ones who have this mentality naturally may be different.

[–]chaddad90004 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My take is there's no actual relationship between n-count and what a woman is like in the bedroom.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There is, if she's a religious inhibited woman.

[–]chaddad90001 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A lot of trad religious women are completely uninhibited with their husbands.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but inhibited women never are sluts.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.7 points8 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

What's really interesting to me is the number of fresh/new accounts posting on this thread stories that sound like totally, 100% for real, I swear.

And yet nobody is calling them out for dishonesty or partial truths.

In no way is this meant as a slight to our regulars who have low n's mind you. Y'all keep being awesome. Just that there's a suspicious number already posted here who play into the Virgin-Cum-SexKitten in accounts that are new/unrecognized.

[–]FlavFal31F4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some women change their accounts and start fresh because they collect stalkers through the years of posting on reddit. It's perfectly understandable.

I know several people read my post history and are obsessed with me, even though I'm already 31yo and want nothing to do with these people, but I've stuck with my account.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not what I'm getting at, but I know what you mean.

I'm saying there's a fair # of suspicious comments that validate the idealized slut-but-only-for-him trope from newer accounts, which suggests to me that there's some LARPing or dishonesty going on.

And while the men here rush to suggest a woman is lying when she says things that don't validate their beliefs, there seems to be little problem taking at face value these new comments by unknowns simply because they say what the guys want to hear. It's sadly funny to me.

Like I said I know we have a fairly established number of low-n redditors but they're not the ones I'm raising an eyebrow at here. Some of these comments MERIT some digging, based on what I'm seeing at this point.

[–]ColCrin[S] 2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Uh? Most of the accounts are at least 3 years old.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

http://reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cf703y/low_ncount_women_in_serious_relationships_what/eu7uedb

Check her post history.

There's a few others around as well.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

She's struggling with a limerace thing? I don't follow what you're calling out? You're just coming off catty.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

She struggles with it pretty regularly apparently.

Perhaps it is catty, if so I don't play that role often so I'll allow it for myself, but do you really think she's oh-so-loyal and so much better than a guy with 5 divorces if she regularly posts about her crushes, rarely about her SO, and the one thread about him she does post said that he doesn't make her feel romanticized enough?

Forgive me if I don't exactly think he got a good deal, even if her n is low.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is this post about who is better than whom though?

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No it's about if having a low N makes you a better partner

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Huh. I didn't read that anywhere, but ok.

Edit: Oh, maybe you're combining this with the other thread.

[–]LSTW12344 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

She’s pointing out the disconnect between describing oneself as a “wholesome girl who only wants to be a sex kitten for one man,” and posting incessantly about crushing on other men. She has a point.

[–]ElderlyAlderAsk me about the Toe Pill2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She didn't even say that SHE was the wholesome girl thing, just that it's ok for men to want that.

[–]LSTW12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If she didn’t mean to describe herself like that then sure I guess there’s no disconnect. I don’t buy it though.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

There's a difference between crushing on people and having sex with them. It doesn't seem strange to me.

Anyone who says they don't from time to time seems like either a bald-faced liar or emotional cripple to me.

[–]LSTW12345 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

True but limerence is way more than a crush, it’s an obsession. I mean just read her post history, she’s infatuated to the point of distress. She mentioned 3 years of it with one guy.

If that meets the criteria of “wholesome girl who only wants to be a sex kitten for one man” in your mind then so be it but to me it seems intellectually dishonest at best. I do not believe it’s possible to fulfill your partner’s needs while being so infatuated with someone else.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Why should it bother me? I don't know about the "wholesome" bit. Wholesome is not really something I've ever cared about.

[–]LSTW12342 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You wouldn’t be bothered if that was your partner? Almost every post is swooning over another man, literally the only post about her partner talks about lack of passion in their relationship. If cheating is an issue for you, you’d be an idiot to not see this as a huge red flag.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If terps created accounts, they'd claim a high N count partner, so, these are not terps. This is nore interesting.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No, they regularly validate the things that sound nice to them without a second thought and rail on the things that don't.

It's the main qualm I have with TRP.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Terps here claim it's not a problem for a high N count dude to find a low N count woman.

I did not scroll below automod thread, but comments above mention partners mostly with low N counts.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't disagree with that statement. What I disagree with is the claim that high N men will be happy with many of the characteristics that come with low N women.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, yeah, but they also don't want to be cheated/branch swung. However, that shows their low esteem.

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Me, my N count is low as well, we were just young

[–]passepar2t 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Low N count women

There is no such thing.

[–]doctor_trucks4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

TIL I do not exist!

[–]TheJim66Red God-Emperor of Slut Country0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

This whole thread brought tears to my eyes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why?

[–]TheJim66Red God-Emperor of Slut Country2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's nice to see there still are relationship oriented women.

[–]ashofrose1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

0 N before him.

Same religion, he was honorable, low N count, fair, smart, PhD, working class

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My n-count is a bit fuzzy to me - went home with more than a handful of dudes even when sex didn't happen, I cannot recall honestly how many of these encounters turned sexual in some manner, or if it counts. Penetrative sex would be one (just my current partner) other forms of sexual activity would be between 2 and 4. Didn't want to have my first time peopwr with a stranger for fear of pain (I was still a teen.)

Boyfriend has a low n-count too - two that I know of. Wasn't a "pick." I care little about n-count as long as we're on the same page.

[–]QueenCousland863 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My count is single digits, and I haven't the vaguest idea what his is, it never occurred to me to ask. His only interest in my previous sexual behaviors is being a little aroused by the fact that I swing both ways, but otherwise he doesn't care enough to ask.

[–]justmebeingcurious 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Question: does n-count take into account women who have had sex with women?

[–]RRBeachFG20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Obviously

[–]SykoSarah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Current N count of one, my fiance is my one and only, and I am his one and only. Neither of us cared that the other was a virgin, though.

[–]Murdocs_Mistress-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My numbers aren't anybody's business just as a potential partner's numbers isn't my business.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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