Why do people here keep acting like sex is something a woman "gives" to a man?

Nobodykers · 2019-07-05T18:12:16+00:00

Women's libido is overall lower than mens.

There are many men here who will be like "THATS NOT TRUE, MY GIRLS WANT TO FUCK ME MORE THAN I DO THEM!" Which is either like... bragging and cosplaying and being fake on the internet (my first guess), or legit being dumb or inexperienced enough to never had an LTR/cohabitation with a woman. No matter the hotness or fitness or status or whatever of the guy in question, most women's libido starts going down given enough time in a relationship.

Combine this, with the fact that men are usually more eager to have sex with women at the start of the relationship too, and you end up with the inevitable conclusion that women are the gatekeepers of sex. They largely control when it happens. Take any human behavior involving more than one person; the person who needs it less has the most power and control over it. Denying this is just willful ignorance, or perhaps ill motivated lying and fakery as I previously described to try and pump yourself up and make it out like you're some big dick Chad and everyone else is a loser. It's just wearisome how many men engage in that particular line of bullshit at this sub, like it will somehow get them laid. Validation points on the internet are addictive i guess.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-07-05T18:01:16+00:00

It’s part of how women frame relationships. He “won me over” among many of phrases suggest that men win the favor of women and therefore wins her as a prize. Women think very highly of access to their bodies and such vulnerability, while men typically do not.

Furthermore, it is just female and male sexuality. Men pursue and physically escalate and women consent. Our consent culture is nearly exclusively framed as men asking women for consent. If a women is typically the one who gives consent, then she will be giving herself to him. She gives herself to the man when he asks.

whichbladeN · 2019-07-05T17:32:27+00:00

Supply and demand.

Not as many women want to have sex as men. It's not 1 to 1. So it's more likely that a woman will be having sex she doesn't want and thus feeling like she's doing a service.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-05T22:24:55+00:00

Think back to the 6th to 9th grade.

What messages do we feed girls?

if you have sex, it’s bad
if you have sex, you’re a slut
if you’re a slut, no man will ever want you
if you’re a slut, no man will ever marry you

From the opposite POV, how do you think that comes off to boys, who compared to their female counterparts, are sexually honest and uninhibited?

Jeez, I guess girls aren’t that interested in sex
girls are less interested in sex than guys
sex is just something girls do because guys want it, but they don’t really enjoy it for themselves (if they did, they wouldn’t act that way towards sex).

It’s those experiences that shape those beliefs and that mental framework in men

Five_Decades · 2019-07-05T18:51:42+00:00

Whatever gender invests more in procreation is the selective sex. Women are the gender that invests more (I think one way biologists determine an animals sex is by looking at which animal has the larger and less numerous sex cells)

Women have far more to lose by making a bad decision with sex since they invest so much more in procreation, so its something men generally have to earn by presenting themselves as good material either for short term or long term mating.

Also all this stuff about discrepancies about sexual value is more about strangers and one night stands. In long term relationships, these rules don't apply as much.

MellifluousMaple · 2019-07-06T14:12:48+00:00

Men want to have sex.

Women want to have children, they want to have a house, they want to live in a good school district, they want to have good credit scores, they want their boss and coworkers to like them, they want to have friends, they want to go to church, they want their family to go to church, they want to observe holidays in a proper way, they want to have safety-rated cars, they want BPA-free baby bottles, they want to pay their bills on time, they want an affordable price on their homeowner insurance, they want good chocolate, they want to travel abroad, they want a good education, they want a good education for their children, they want to maintain their family's social status, they want their pets to have good veterinary care, and they want to have sex.

carrawayjames · 2019-07-05T18:15:09+00:00

Because it is something a women gives to a man. You ever heard the saying "women are the gatekeepers of sex"?. It's because they are.

Their are indeed men that women truly desire for sex but they are rare.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-07-05T18:43:45+00:00

It's an idea too deeply ingrained in pop culture for us to get rid of it in only a few years. You will see this mostly in media geared toward men - men "gets" the girl with little to no effort, sex is a recompense for him saving the day. In media targeting women, the woman's sexual desire is generally acknowledged and the relationship builds up so sex is a moment of connection rather than a reward for anything. So I definitely agree there is a disconnect in how men perceive female sexuality and how we actually are.

I do think women are naturally more selective with partners. I think this is because biologically, men can have hundreds of children a year, while women can have a very limited number. I'd say we want sex just about the same, but women won't usually have it with just about anyone. Mix that with the sort of insecurities we are made to feel, and I'd say the mental component of sex is harder for us too.

So for men who don't understand that women are far more similar to them than they realize, this creates a perceived "scarcity" which leads to "competition" for access to our bodies, which ends up feeling like something they "earned."

wtknight · 2019-07-05T18:10:07+00:00

Because men usually want it more often, even if women do enjoy it.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-07-05T17:42:42+00:00

When it comes to most things, like character traits or interests, I find this subreddit to be extremely stuck in the past with stereotypes. Individually I dont believe in gender differences much.

But when it comes to two things, they are hard to deny. One is physical capacity, and other is sex.

No matter how much anecdotally every woman is different, its simply a fact that as a gender, generally speaking, women dont seek out and crave sex in the same way men do. No matter how cool they are with it in theory.

I tend to agree that getting sex isnt an achievement for virtually any woman, but it might as well be even for perfectly fine guys. So while perhaps a woman isnt giving anything in a literal sense, a guy can get quite an affirmation from the encounter that the woman simply isnt getting unless he also has strong feelings for her and validates her in other ways (through attention, sacrifice etc). Both may get physical pleasure (and even this is less achiavable for many women), but only the guy gets validation.

throwaway_dadvice · 2019-07-05T18:29:11+00:00

Men have higher sex drives than women, on average.

This makes sex something women can bargain with. She holds the cards. That's what it means. Rarely will she just "give" it though, usually there's some sort of exchange.

HossMcDank · 2019-07-05T18:38:58+00:00

For the same reason an employer “gives” a job to an employee, even though the relationship is mutually beneficial — one person is in a position of power while the other is seeking permission.

a-WaltzingMatilda · 2019-07-05T23:23:19+00:00

I don’t think it’s socialised, it’s biological.

Men display and women pick.

It’s pretty common in mammals. Especially primates.

Humans are mammals. Humans are primates.

Culture arises from biology.

statusincorporated · 2019-07-05T18:30:27+00:00

Generally because a man has to bring A LOT of attractiveness to the table for a woman to view sex in that way, hence my earlier rule of +2 attractiveness for consistent casual sex with that rank of woman.

He has to be so attractive that just having sex with him validates her or whatever in some way.

Otherwise, yeah, she's gonna want more.

[deleted] · 2019-07-07T16:39:03+00:00

Because that and food prep women bring nothing to the table. In 2019 feminism has made sex the only thing a woman brings to the table so they act like it's gods gift to man because it's all they can negotiate with.

Ofourkind · 2019-07-05T17:34:57+00:00

Just remnants from the puritanical idea that women lose something by having sex with someone.

CamoWoobie10000 · 2019-07-05T19:30:30+00:00

Because women act like sex is something a woman gives to a man. Ideally I would like women to treat sex as something they just "do" with no ulterior motive. But a lot of women dont treat it that way, they use it as a bargaining chip.

[deleted] · 2019-07-05T18:38:01+00:00

Yeah I have one.

The act is indeed pleasurable between two engaging people, the problem is that for many married couples that is not exactly the case.

Women look for many traits in a potential husband: good career/intelligent/reliable/good father etc...Some of these traits are normally distributed and thus start decaying rapidly once you approach the higher end.

So to put it in other words the chances for a woman to lock down a 6'ft tall man who is good in bed, 6 figures salary and above and who also happens to be reliable and won't cheat is not trivial.Most realize they would have to compromise on some of the above, and I believe that in many occasions attraction is the first parameter to be compromised on.Since women find only about 20% of men to be above average looking and much more than 20% of women get married should tell you that my theory is quite solid.

So the reality is that such women give away sex to these "lesser" men in exchange for stability and the ability to raise a functional family.

XrayBullfrog · 2019-07-05T19:13:14+00:00

I imagine it's partly to do with the fact that men are generally the ones asking for/pursuing it, for whatever combination of reasons that may be

[deleted] · 2019-07-05T23:00:17+00:00

Because that’s how feminists frame it when they constantly discuss how a woman’s “consent” is “important” while the issue of a man’s “consent” is laughed out of the room.

If women didn’t “give” sex to men — if men could just take it whenever they pleased — that would be called legalizing rape.

Simple OKCupid stats prove the obviousness of the fact that sex fundamentally IS something a woman must GIVE to a man — in all other scenarios, that is called rape.

Malibu_Barbie · 2019-07-06T01:27:02+00:00

But women get just as much pleasure from it as well

Actually, women are far less likely to have orgasms from sex than men. It's not that we don't want sex or like sex. It's that the chances of getting pleasure from any sexual encounter are not in our favor.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-07-06T12:34:18+00:00

it all started many many centuries ago when men realized women held the power of life and death aka womb envy and started realizing how small they are.

so they came together in their all-male group therapy sessions where they discussed strategies of how to make themselves important in the large scale of things. they came up with shaming tactics and anti-women rhetoric because it is always easy to blame someone else than to admit one's shortcomings.

hence women being divided into mothers and whores and ultimately objects to use, abuse, buy and sell.

sex was only for his pleasure and she is not supposed to enjoy it. if she does, she is a whore that must be punished somehow. men never loved women, they loved getting off. sex is power, according to males.

history is a great teacher.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-07-05T18:32:21+00:00

Because it’s literally used as a tool in relationships, maybe. Most often times, by women. Men can’t/don’t use sex as a bargaining tool or a carrot on a stick because women can have sex just about whenever they want to. There are legions of men ready to throw their dicks at anyone who even looks like a woman.

passwordgoeshere · 2019-07-05T18:44:07+00:00

The biological purpose of sex is pregnancy, not pleasure.

A woman can get pregnant about once per year, a men can get different women pregnant potentially every day.

That's all biological. You're asking about socialization but I think at some point feminists will have to look beyond sociology for real answers.

skystar86 · 2019-07-05T18:11:16+00:00

Sometimes it is. What woman wants to voluntarily have sex with a soyboy without getting the betabux?

Believeinyourflyness · 2019-07-05T20:27:39+00:00

The same reason a job is considered something the employer "gives" to the employee. Supply & demand

09f911029d7 · 2019-07-05T21:21:50+00:00

Because a sexual marketplace exists outside of that one relationship.

To make an analogy. Alice has an iPhone but wants a Nokia. Bob has a Nokia but wants an iPhone. They trade phones and are both happy. But based on pure market value, this is an exchange of unequal value: the iPhone is worth $1000 and the Nokia is worth $400.

decoy88 · 2019-07-05T22:43:50+00:00

Because most people are having shitty sex. They don’t know it. They just think it’s “sex”

ceereality · 2019-07-05T23:35:27+00:00

You mean like how people keep acting like babies are something a man "gives" to a woman?

flamingoinghome · 2019-07-05T23:56:34+00:00

Because sex is riskier for women than men (pregnancy), so they exercise more caution around it, and a lot of men CANNOT UNDERSTAND that you can exercise caution around something you like and desire (even the most ardent scuba divers make sure their gear is in good repair).

playful_myth · 2019-07-06T01:19:00+00:00

I think that's because women barely get much satisfaction from sex with men. They barely orgasm with them if at all, so it's not really something they're obsessed with. Lesbian women get the best deal, bisexual women get the second spot and well... Straight women are the last ones. There's actually a study and everything.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-39077293

Willow-girl · 2019-07-06T04:00:40+00:00

Women are brought up to believe that it's foolish to "give it up" (or "give it away") without getting something of value in return. To do otherwise is to "sell yourself short."

Basically, women are socialized to be whores.

MisterJose · 2019-07-06T06:15:03+00:00

It comes from the idealization of women. As a teenage boy, women are these goddess beauty creatures you can't stop thinking about. I do NOT think this is pure socialization, I think it's something deep and primal. This kind of admiration and desire to protect and put women first probably kept our species alive.

So, if you're idealizing someone, the rest comes kinda naturally from that: They are going to give sex to the most 'deserving' male, one who acts virtuously, because to think otherwise destroys the idealization. So, when you get sex, it's because you did something right, and because the women/Goddess has granted you that 'gift'.

Like I said, I think there's something seriously primal to this that we're gonna have trouble totally getting rid of, and we may not want to. I can kill the ideal in my own head, and largely have, but then that fucks a whole bunch of other things up. I might get sex, but it won't mean as much to me. And the other way felt somehow more natural.

The other problem is that you cannot underestimate the power of desirable women to shape society. What gets the women, men will do, so if there's a perverse incentive structure, it's going to promote worse behavior in men. I entirely sympathize that women may not want that responsibility, but sometimes life doesn't care if we want responsibility or not.

I also will say that, personally, I don't 100% relate to never ever thinking about what my potential sex partners deserve. It only works if I think I have something of high value to offer other people sexually, and men sometimes have difficulty thinking this way. But when I do (even if it involves something silly, like imagining I have a giant dong and am masterful at using it), there is definitely a sense of, "What a shitty person she is, no dick for her," that emerges. So, even if I first I find it hard to argue against the idea that women should get to sleep with whoever they want, when I think from that perspective, it does start to seem really self-centered, in a way I don't think I would be.

wekacuck · 2019-07-05T17:32:26+00:00

IMHO it's vestigial zeitgeist haunting us from patriarchal times. It's part of the whole "women are the reward" thing boys get indoctrinated with.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-05T17:45:49+00:00

Because men want it, and women have the capacity to provide it, if they wanted to.

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gopher_glitz · 2019-07-05T21:32:14+00:00

It's what woman have to offer men, while men offer resources/'protection'
Sex for women carries a massive risk and cost, for men not so much.

Bayard20 · 2019-07-06T00:07:19+00:00

Because it's the reality we live in. Women are the gatekeepers of sex because men want it much more than they do.

Mattcwu · 2019-07-06T02:38:42+00:00

Women "give" permission or consent.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-07-06T05:05:22+00:00

Well y’all keep asking for it

I-adore-your-vagina · 2019-07-06T15:17:59+00:00

Because men have to work hard for it with a lot of luck sprinkled on top.

A woman just has to snip a finger or shake her ass, and guys are lining up.

There's why.

waxedmintfloss · 2019-07-06T18:12:04+00:00

Because sex is more likely to end in pleasure and orgasm for a man.

Lonny_zone · 2019-07-06T21:07:14+00:00

You are interpreting the intent of the language that way, women do "give" on a certain level, and that does not mean they do not "get" in return. It's easier to talk about it as a short hand as something that they "give."

More often than not we are discussing ways and reasons why they have the sexual behavior they do, whereas men are pretty straightforward about why they "give" sex to women.

Furthermore, even women in real life will say "he isn't getting any" or that they will or will not "give it up" because they have an awareness that it is a buyer's market for them since the average woman will always be fielding more offers than the average guy. On the flip side only top guys ever get to feel that way about it, most guys are scrambling around trying to "get some."

Sepean · 2019-07-07T07:22:14+00:00

It’s because most people understand sex as it happens with betas. They don’t think about how it is with alphas.

MDMCrab · 2019-07-07T19:07:33+00:00

Taking sex is coercive, giving sex is consensual.

[deleted] · 2019-07-09T03:19:07+00:00

A woman has to do nothing but exist and even if she is dog ugly or a complete mess, there will be a dude out there willing to have sex with her and probably another dude who will give her money to have sex with her.

A guy is born and is worthless. He has to prove himself and earn respect. He has to become a leader of his social group. He has to become more dominant. He needs to become pre-selected. He needs to project his voice. He needs to create feelings in a woman. Then a woman may be willing to have sex with him, maybe.

Sex for men is a chore, sex for women is a choice.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-07-05T17:42:44+00:00

It’s desperate thirst. They can’t imagine a woman feels any sort of sex drive, because they’ve never been on the receiving end of it

Stereotypical Chad types generally enjoy the thrill of making a woman want them, having the women express it

wingbark · 2019-07-05T17:31:55+00:00

Women want to be seduced by a man they’re attracted to and respect, men want sex.

Sepean · 2019-07-05T20:42:01+00:00

Because most men here are betas, and that is how they understand sex. And women talk about sex in the same context.

How sex is for.alphas, that is supposed to be a secret.

poppy_blu · 2019-07-05T22:05:30+00:00

Most can’t imagine a woman ever legit being attracted to them so they see sex as something transactional that they have to “pay” (in one way or another) for.

I think some also are from weirdo religious families that screwed their heads up on the topic of sex. If you’re raised to believe that sex is dirty and only for procreation, of course you’re going to view it a very mechanical way.

jessicaannpin · 2019-07-06T03:02:07+00:00

This is really stereotypical sexist bs stemming from the suppression and historical commodification of female sexuality.

These guys see women as sexually passive and lacking in desire.

HostileErectile · 2019-07-06T10:11:54+00:00

It’s not like that all the time. And I personally don’t view sex as something I’m allowed to do as a man.

But in the average sexual power balance, it’s the woman who have been given all the power. The average man is emasculated, weak and pathetic. Don’t be that.

[deleted] · 2019-07-06T11:20:29+00:00

Because women usually want something in return for that sex. They also often use sex as a tool for money or for manipulation.

For women, sex is about gaining power so she wants the greatest power she can get for the sex she offers. For men, power is a tool they use to get sex. So men give women power (or provide access to it through money, working and protection) and women give men sex.

You're right that sex is something people enjoy together consensually but they must see each other as roughly equals. Otherwise women wouldn't be angry when Chad doesn't commit after sleeping with him. She gave him sex and all she got was sex in return, which annoys her because sex is easy for her to get.

Remember this the next time women argue that their past promiscuity does not matter.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-07-06T12:39:36+00:00

the number of males here who think women dont like sex for sex yet they slept with them anyway is shocking.

ya'll rapists.

[deleted] · 2019-07-05T18:53:53+00:00

Sex is a pleasurable act between two engaging (and consenting) people.

Oh, you sweet summer child.

What does that have to do with who makes the decisions to bless who with sex in exchange for something else.