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DebateCMV Dating multiple people at the same time is trashy (men and women) (self.PurplePillDebate)

submitted by CaptDeadlift

There is no bigger turn off for me than finding out a girl I took on a date is dating others or getting dicked the day before.

Same goes for men.

Unless you're open about it from the start.


[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Dating or fucking? Dating seems fine but fucking isn't.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree, dating is whatever. If we havent talked commitment yet than who cares. Fucking multiple people is an automatic hard next for me though.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is what people do not understand. Huge difference between the two.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are people saying "dating" here to mean just no-sex dates? Like "get to know him/her over drinks" and nothing more than making out at most?

I mean sex and dating are hard to split up completely. Eventually dating leads to "dating and fucking" if you are going steady and what not... so I wish people would be more clear about it.

[–]LordDunderheadyeehaw femoid 🤠 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally. People who fuck several people at or within a short time frame are absolutely disgusting and make me not want to be involved with them at all. Both genders can be sluts

[–]FlyingResearcher 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Can you provide an argument for this?

I'm honestly kind of disappointed by the discussion in this topic. I haven't seen one real argument challenging the OP, just people saying that they disagree. The closest thing is people implying that it's "normal", which really isn't an argument...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Fucking mutiple people is trashy because: STDs, pregnancy, pair bonding, split attention so you don't care about the people, and lack of self respect in women (or for women if a man is doing it). Dating is fine because it's supposed to be casual. Just hanging out in public to see if you like each other. Fucking is supposed to be reserved for relationships (unless you want a trash society).

[–]FlyingResearcher 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Dating is fine because it's supposed to be casual. Just hanging out in public to see if you like each other.

So why is it / is it not trashy?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Dating isn't trashy because of what i said. Fucking is trashy for the reasons i said. The thing is today dating means fucking, so therefore current "dating" is trashy.

[–]FlyingResearcher 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

All you did was define what dating was, and declared that it wasn't trashy.

You never made an argument for why it wasn't trashy.

Look at how you describe fucking: you gave multiple reasons for why you thought it was trashy. That's what an argument looks like. Try doing the same thing for why you think dating multiple people isn't trashy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

But you're making the claim that dating is trashy, so it is on you to prove it is. I'm saying it isn't trashy as long as you separate it from fucking.

[–]FlyingResearcher 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Technically it's a CMV and you're the one who said it's not trashy, but I'll give it go.

The argument for it being trashy is pretty obvious IMO. Having lots of dates displays desperation, or neediness, and a general sense of scarcity.

In general we associate trashiness with a lack of self-control or moderation, leading to someone having lots of things instead of only having a few (usually nicer) things. Like owning a bunch it dogs instead of just one, or ordering a bunch of food at a restaurant insured of a single, moderately sized entree.

Like it's generally off putting for someone to go "overboard" instead of taking things slower and being a little more selective / intentional with how they live their life.

And let's face it: most people are trashy. Most people in the dating world are trashy. Most people here are probably trashy. Hell, most people defending their actions as not being trashy are probably trashy (and probably don't even understand what it means to be trashy in the first place).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd argue dating would be viewing a bunch of different breeds of dogs while being in a relationship is picking a specific dog. Idk i don't think going to a movie with a person then going to dinner with another the next day is bad. Dating and relationships these days are too interwoven, being in multiple relationships is way trashy (relationship meaning intimacy) but just dating (having fun in a public setting) seems fine.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If not even Geralt could lock down Yennefer, Triss and others, what makes you think you can?

Honestly, it has dawned on me from a young age, it’s much more efficient to spin plates with several cute/pretty/hot women, than trying to lock down one 9/10.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

2 Stacies is too much for 1 Chad, even a MegaChad

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Heh yeah /thread

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I get what you're on man. Used to spin plates but found no joy in it and now I just filter out the promiscuous trash.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Whatever works. I just have better things to do than trying to police plates. One issue is, it’s hard to tell whether they’re telling the truth.

100% of the kinda normal women I know spin plates too. The others have psychological issues, clinically diagnosed. You can’t win either way.

[–]immaculacy 4 points5 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

It's still trashy even if you're open about it from the start. Admitting being trashy is better than lying but it's still the same trashy thing. You at least just didn't lie about said trashiness.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave 1 point2 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

Why?

[–]immaculacy 1 point2 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

Going on a date with someone else isn't respectful to the first person. It's like you think they are some thing you toy with and use for entertainment. Most people who "agree" to letting you go on dates with others are hurt by it and agree out of desperation. That's awful to do to someone. If they don't care, why are you even dating them?

[–]robertfrostt 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Going on a date with someone else isn't respectful to the first person. It's like you think they are some thing you toy with and use for entertainment.

But why is monogamy established at the first date? What if it's unknown even if a second date is in the cards?

I have gone on many more first dates than I have second dates. A lot of first dates might end with a kiss but are unclear if i will see them again or if they are interested in more.

[–]immaculacy 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Monogamy applies to sex. You can courtship with ten people at a time and you're still monogamous as long as you only have sex with one in your life.

[–]robertfrostt 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

> Monogamy applies to sex.

​

You should have stated that at the beginning.

​

> you're still monogamous as long as you only have sex with one in your life.

​

Are you religious?

[–]immaculacy 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

No? Being religious doesn't change the definition of monogamy. Out of all the monogamous people I know zero are religious.

[–]robertfrostt 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Being religious doesn't change the definition of monogamy.

No, that's your definition. No where does the definition of monogamy state anything about one person for life:

Definition of monogamy 1a : the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/monogamy

The idea of marital only sex is purely a religious idea.

[–]immaculacy 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Monogamy means one. My personal definition of monogamy would probably be different. You're using the casual slang, not the scientific definition.

Waiting for marriage is not any more religious than marriage itself. Which I guess you could say is religious, but many people don't see it that way or act about it that way.

[–]robertfrostt 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're using the casual slang, not the scientific definition.

Merriam-Webster is not casual slang.

Monogamy is not a scientific definition. In fact that's an oxy moron. Science provides studies, data, evidence, and theorems.

Which I guess you could say is religious, but many people don't see it that way or act about it that way.

I highly, highly doubt anyone who is not religious would opt out of having premarital sex.

you are a strong outlier here.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

What?

I’m so confused.

You barely know them, why do you owe them fidelity? They don’t “agree to let you” go on dates because you aren’t in any form of commitment with them. In western culture you opt-in to that kind of exclusivity.

What has that one person you ate dinner with one time who hasn’t yet offered commitment done for you, to be able to control your life so much?

[–]immaculacy 2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

So literally no basic decency and respect for someone you go on a date with? Jesus Christ dude.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

A date in western culture is someone you don’t know from Adam. You eat dinner together. We’re not talking about sex. I’m talking coffee or a walk or food with a person. You have no idea who they are. That’s what you’re learning. Why on God’s green earth would you give marriage-vow commitment (“forsaking all others”) to someone you are just getting to know? Who at most had given you a few hours of their life?

[–]immaculacy 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

It's not forsaking all others. It's forsaking dating others for a tiny period of time. Why is it so enraging to you just to give a little respect to someone you agree to go on a date with? And what is this nonsense about "control"? This is one of the grossest things in modern society, that now we are seeing choosing to be a nice person as control, and you have to be an asshole to be "free."

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What period of time? You really would advise people to give exclusivity to someone they just met, with no idea if it’s even returned, just waiting around to see? How is that “respect”?

I hope you don’t do business deals, you will be hurt by how other businesses don’t respect yours by wanting a contract or handshake first.

[–]immaculacy 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

We're not talking about businesses, so that is totally irreverent. We're talking about relationships. The way you treat people in your social life is so different than how you should go into a business deal. The period of time obviously depends on what the person is doing. it can be any period of time. You can date for 30 minutes then call it off and go to the next one. This seems to go in the common sense category... When you're planning to go on a date with someone, of course you shouldn't be planning dates with others. It's so mean and it shows you don't take the person even a little bit seriously. And of course I don't mean serious relationship-wise. You SHOULDN'T make that part serious when you're in the courtshipping phase. Only after. I mean taking a person's feelings and their value as a human as a legit thing and not just toying with them. Is it really super difficult to just not plan on dating multiple people at the same time?

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

If you think business and relationships are totally different I have news for you. Negotiating happens at every stage.

I can’t comprehend how people can think multiple FWBs are nothing, but keeping the option to go on dinner dates with several people until you know and like one well enough to commit is a heinous dehumanization.

Are you from a Western culture?

Women without infinite time to sort out whom to marry in time for children should not be fooled into waiting around, idling the time committing to a man she doesn’t even know will ask for a second date or not, who may take months to decide or be a dud.

And not should men have to.

If you WANT to, sure. But not cool if you make your own commitment into an exclusivity covert contract.

Again we aren’t talking about sex we are talking about coffee.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

no i don't have any inherent respect for someone just because we've gone on a date

[–]FlyingResearcher 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had to think about this but I think it's pretty obvious that it's trashy.

It mainly looks trashy because it's unrestrained. The person looks like they lack self control and don't understand moderation. Someone who has a bunch of toys for their child instead of being more selective in what they buy is trashy. Someone who goes out on a Tuesday afternoon to party instead of doing something productive is trashy. Someone who has a bunch of dogs / puppies instead of keeping (and training) just one is trashy. Someone who orders a bunch of food and gulps it down incecently instead of ordering just a single entree is trashy.

So what about "trying out" a bunch of different people before deciding on one? Well, think about it from the perspective of free samples. Is it trashy to go somewhere and try a free samples? What if you grab three or four samples? I think if you're walking away with a bunch of samples in your arm then it looks trashy. I don't care if they have 5 different types of flavors, if you walk away with 5 samples, it looks trashy. It's trashy to be so excited that you run up and can't decide and end up grabbing everything. This is especially true if you go back a second or third time to try out your favorites again to figure out which one you like best.

I think the same thing applies to dating. If you go on a couple of first dates then maybe it's not so bad. But if you're going on second dates, third dates, and you have three or four different people involved, it starts to look trashy. You should be able to decide which one you like best. You should make a decision, and you should stick with that decision.

That's just how I see it anyway.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

> Someone who has a bunch of toys for their child instead of being more selective in what they buy is trashy.

​

Wait, why would that make a person trashy? I had a bunch of toys when I was a kid, mostly from my parents lavishing me for my birthdays (only child privilege huehue). I mean, my parents were selective in what they bought me, because they learned my likes and dislikes. My mom bought me those creepy antique dolls one time, they scared me, so she never bought them again.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 11 points12 points  (63 children) | Copy Link

Well, my mom says it is better to date 2 or 3 men at a time, because dating is just getting to know someone. It's not committing and it's not sleeping with them (it shouldn't be at least). So you can decide which one you click better with, or decide that none of them is great for you and move on.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (60 children) | Copy Link

Your mom is a manipulator.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 10 points11 points  (57 children) | Copy Link

I do not think so. Mind you, she is super conservative and based. She did not really date before she met my dad, because her parents were really strict.

What actual harm is there dating 2 or 3 people at a time? They wouldn't be fancy dinner dates, just getting coffee or going for a walk. It is just getting to know someone. The advice my mom gives to me, from her point of view, is totally innocent. It is the equivalent of making friends. She is not suggesting that I sleep with dates (she would disown me if I were doing that) or have them spend money on me. Literally just getting to know someone.

Keep in mind, I do not take her advice, because other people easily drain me. Having to put my energy to get to know 1 man is tiresome enough, but 2 or 3? No thanks.

[–]nevomintoarcePurple Pill Woman 5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Your mom is right and people who assume "dating" is an euphemism for having casual sex are retarded.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, yeah. Or that dating means you're automatically exclusive, committed, or locked down. Until the girlfriend/boyfriend thing is established and two people discuss their boundaries in a relationship, you cannot assume that the girl you just had coffee with isn't exploring her options, and vice versa with men.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

It depends on local culture. To me this whole "dating but not exclusive" thing seems very American and alien.

I'd assume that if a girl wants to go out with me, she's at least interested enough to not also be going out with other guys as if I'm not good enough and she needs to assess other options as a basic level of social exception.

Good thing I'm not in the US SMP then I guess.

[–]decoy88Men and Women are similar 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

What. It’s not a US thing. It’s common practice for single people with options

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do you actually know people who call it "dating" when they're just casually seeing someone? From everything I've seen in our shared homeland, no one calls it "dating" unless they're more serious. If they're just seeing someone casually it won't be termed as "I'm dating her." It'd just be like "oh I had a drink with her last night."

I think this is where a lot of disconnect is coming from. How loosely the women are defining "dating."

[–]decoy88Men and Women are similar 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Ohhhh you’re talking specifically about terminology.

I’m not sure then

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, like Griddy seems to think the guys here are getting mad because a girl they just had a drink with goes and has drinks with some other guy... that's not what I'm seeing, rather I'm seeing guys who are running on the assumption that "dating" entails something more serious, hence the reaction.

[–]gDayWisher 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey MercedesBenzoAMG, I hope you have a wonderful day.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Please continue to listen to your mom and not the men here. That goes without saying.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I mean, I did say that I do not take her advice in a comment reply. I date one person at a time.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good luck listening to these dudes then.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I did not care to read the entire thread. I dropped my 2 cents and bounced.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wise.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never said that I take her advice, just what she has told me in the past.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (37 children) | Copy Link

Because it’s low class. You date one person at a time. You give one person an honest shot. If it doesn’t work out, you break it off and date someone else. That’s the respectful way adults behave.

[–]guffynemo 4 points5 points  (34 children) | Copy Link

How is it low class? Seems to me its more being efficient least in doing this with first to say the 5th date.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

Dating multiple people is what trashy people do to show they have options. Not everything in life is some dull process that needs to be made more efficient. Dating is about two people getting to know each other, not 10 people eliminating each other like in a game show. This is why modern dating is full of ghosters and emotional vampires. Everyone has their guard up because they know both you and them are disposable. That’s no way to establish a mutually fulfilling relationship. Some things take time and focus.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree completely. This sub is full of everyone trying to blame problems in the current RMV on almost everything under the sun except themselves... then they defend treating potential mates as if they're commodities to inspect, never even giving themselves a chance to connect with anyone, and wonder why they can't find a fulfilling relationship.

I aim this at both men and women here too. Good to see a sensible voice.

[–]statusincorporated 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this perspective.

Most people honestly think they can juggle several people while honestly giving them all more than an extremely superficial shot and think they're picking the best option when they're usually just picking the shiniest option.

But it takes age and experience to understand these things.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Agreed. It's why the divorce rate is so high. Modern dating is all about pretending to be the shiniest option because that's the only option anyone picks. I'd rather find out if the girl I'm dating has character than whether she's the hottest possible girl I can find. It's this shallow shopping mindset that has ruined dating and the values of a whole generation of people. It's pretty sad really.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To be honest it ain't so bad in certain demographics. The lower classes have been thoroughly fucked though. I have a working class family but my aunt/uncle/cousin's side of the family are for all intents and purposes the top of the upper middle class and things look way better there.

[–]guffynemo 3 points4 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

So otherwords its not low class you simply hate people having options and not playing by an outdated playbook that no longer works.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

I don’t hate people having options. I hate people disrespecting others because they have options. The playbook no longer works because respect is gone. The only way to change that is to refuse to play by the new rules.

[–]guffynemo -1 points0 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

How is dating more than person at a time disrespecting anyone? And the playbook doesn't work because we don't live in the 50's any more. And you can refuse to play by the new rules and you be single for basically life.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

If you like your date and you find out she/he is banging someone on the side that they didn’t feel the need to tell you about because hey ‘you’re just dating’, how would you feel?

Now, what if all dates are like this? Your date can’t even devote a date/week/month of their time to get to know you. They like you enough for a date, but not enough to give up all their ‘options’, which they are free to pursue the second you stop dating. Don’t you think the whole process would feel a bit soulless after a while?

The real reason people date multiple people is because they’re afraid to be vulnerable and are comfortable manipulating people if it serves their goals.

[–]decoy88Men and Women are similar 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds hella time consuming. Not very efficient

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Understandable. But also understand my mom grew up in the 60's and she still thinks things are the same as things were back then. She is a bit ignorant with some things. However, her poor advice does not make her manipulative. That statement there is low class and disrespectful.

Good news for you, I do date one person at a time.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! -3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Wow you so seriously got it figured all out. What a genius.

The sheer genius of ppd. My God lord in heaven I learn more every day

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am not sure why you are passive aggressive.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's drunk.

[–]TheReformist94 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Heheheh. Can see women have been weasels since the dawn of time. Keep spinning plates lads

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, my mom says it is better to date 2 or 3 men at a time, because dating is just getting to know someone. It's not committing and it's not sleeping with them (it shouldn't be at least)

At least

😐😌☺️

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I know, today a lot of people think dating = sex

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 13 points14 points  (185 children) | Copy Link

Until there's an explicit conversation about monogamy, assume there are other people who want the object of your affection. Assume they're accepting dates

I don't buy the first pair of running shoes I try on, I typically try on 4 or 5 pairs. Narrow it down to 2 or 3, and test them out. Only then do I buy a pair

Why in the world would I be less picky about my choice of romantic partner than I am about my running shoes?

As an aside, it's nice to know that you were chosen by your partner. I know every ex I've ever had (and my husband) all had options when we first got together. As did I. We chose each other

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (145 children) | Copy Link

Until there's an explicit conversation about monogamy, assume there are other people who want the object of your affection. Assume they're accepting dates

Trashy line of thinking imo. I agree with the op this whole fucking around until proven otherwise business is gross

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 11 points12 points  (128 children) | Copy Link

No one is explaining exactly why it's trashy to keep your options open when monogamy hasn't been established

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (100 children) | Copy Link

I explained it to you. Most people are NOT concurrently dating or fucking others. This is minority behavior and therefore not expected from MOST people. (For all others, see any sexuality stats for this).

If you are dating 5 other people you should therefore be compelled to provide this important information to your suitors because honesty and transparency are important.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 16 points17 points  (65 children) | Copy Link

Again, who is talking about fucking? I’m talking about grabbing a drink

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

This is like reading Sanskrit to me. When I was in grad school, before I got with Mr. Arthur, I'd get dinner with the guy from my proliferation class, I'd have drinks with a guy I met at the Vaclav Havel speech, I'd linger post-happy-hour with the APL physicist (so STEM! much admire!). I never fucked any of them, and it was entirely fucking normal.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 10 points11 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

THANK YOU! I felt like I was taking crazy pills

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Well, OP isn't Western, so.

What is alarming are all the Western guys here who think that having dinner with a classmate makes you some kind of trash whore.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Dating multiple people at the same time to me seems like more an American thing than a Western thing. It's not the norm in the UK.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think people here are confusing the following lol..

1) People who "no sex" date multiple people before having some kind of commitment/status talk

2) People who "fuck easy on the 1st date" date and see multiple partners in their search for their BF/GF

It's hard to tell who is referring to what as "dating" ...

It seems most people assume #2 is what comes with "dating multiple people" hence the outrage. Turns out most people just mean #1 with "drink date" and not "fuck date."

[–]SkookumTreeWhere do you want the ambulances? 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Was that ever a belief held in the West?

[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Seriously, WTH is going on with this thread. The complete absence of abundance mentality is frightening.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You’re not crazy. Fielding dates is typical.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh lol

[–]TheReformist94 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

It's still a bit weird tho. Kinda emotional cheating

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 9 points10 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

So because I got drinks with Todd yesterday, I can't let Jason buy me a couple glasses of wine on Saturday?

There's no monogamy, no relationship, no sex, hell who knows if there was even a good night kiss

[–]nevomintoarcePurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They think dating = fucking.

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Where do you live? That is normal, non-guilt inducing behavior for every single person I know

EDIT: Mods, if you guys removed that, I didn't read it as a personal attack. I think he was talking in general

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your ex is extremely neurotic, or a liar who knew what you wanted to hear.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Remove the personal attack and I will re-approve this.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Emotionally cheating on whom????

If I schedule a first date on Monday and another one on Wednesday, if either of those guys feels emotionally cheated on Thursday morning they’re weird af. I don’t know them. All we’ve exchanged is conversation and a cocktail or two.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is not weird to go out with classmates and colleagues when you are a single, unattached person.

Whom, exactly, was I "emotionally cheating" on? The guys who were doing the exact same thing that I was, who had zero expectations of me?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What the fuck is your problem?

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Would any sane person volunteer that?

That’s why I’m saying the best rule of thumb is to assume both of you have other options until the monogamy question comes up

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Up until an explicit conversation is had, it’s best to avoid assumptions and covert contracts

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Mystery_Tragic 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Should be other way around.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just fwb her.

My God who got time for this shit

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You used the word monogamy which I've never seen used to describe going on dates, only fucking other people. Theres the disconnect.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The title of the OP specifically says "dating"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

theres a lot of gray area there. I don't consider myself to be "dating" a girl until I'm fucking her. And yeah I already pointed out the how I've never heard the whole "Until there's an explicit conversation about monogamy" thing not being in the context of fucking other people

the title of the OP also says

or getting dicked the day before.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To us old fashioned, traditional people, dating means getting to know someone. Not fucking.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, the title and lead argument in the OP say “dating.”

“Getting dicked” is mentioned last

[–]Mystery_Tragic 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aha, that's quite sneaky.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Ok if it's just grabbing drinks with multiple guys before moving forward with one guy then I have nothing to take issue with.

That's not what was said before about "seeing multiple people for months at a time" though.

Two totally different things here.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

It’s drinks/dinner before commitment

Whether it stretches a week or a couple months depends on the individual people, but it’s prior to any exclusivity or monogamy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Ok evidently the whole meaning of "dating" here was all over the place and it would have been great if people elaborated on what they meant.

It was basically anything from "getting drinks just to get to know a guy a bit" to "fucking 4-6 people over a 6-12 month time frame concurrently" lol to anything in between.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

The women were arguing the first definition, the men were arguing the second

Weirdo non-western folks and foreigners were horrified at the women, lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think the second definition was the OP definition though so that was the one being debated. Women basically chimed in with their own definition of "dating multiple people."

[–]SerpentCypher 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

The OP, for one.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The OP says “dating”

[–]SerpentCypher 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What does "getting dicked" mean to you?

Also, that last post you downvoted may be the tamest thing I've been downvoted for yet. Wow.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t downvote - I actually can’t, I don’t think, I’m on the mobile app

“Dating” is mentioned twice before “getting dicked”

[–]chaddad9000 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, its a weird outdated euphemism. If I was hanging out with a coworker or someone, I wouldn't say that we were "dating". But if they were bootie-calling me, I would.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

To me, a date is a guy taking me out for a drink or two. No expectations or anything

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. A date is not sex! People are crazy these days! This thread has a bunch of kookoos in it.

[–]darkmoon09 1 point2 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

Most people are NOT concurrently dating or fucking others.

How are you so sure exactly?

This is minority behavior and therefore not expected from MOST people.

May I ask how old are you? I can understand where you're coming from if you come from an older generation but if you're a young person like me then surely uou should realize thay hookup culture is very prominent. Especially in booming college towns/citites like where I'm at.

People my age (generally) just don't have the tatse or patience for monogamy. We have a short life to live and want to live to the fullest by enjoying variety.

If you are dating 5 other people you should therefore be compelled to provide this important information to your suitors because honesty and transparency are important.

Naw. People just aren't like this IME. People will lie through their teeth in the moment to get what they want when they want it. I see my Chad buddies banging married women all the time who are otherwise "happily married".

People just aren't very content with monogamy it seems like. Not when we have a constant barrage of pornographic messaging thrown our way via social media and culture.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

May I ask how old are you? I can understand where you're coming from if you come from an older generation

In the 50s and 60s, women dated around all the time. High school girls would go out with one boy on Friday and another boy on Saturday and have a study date with a third boy on Tuesday before the big exam. It was actually considered fast to spend too much time with any one boy unless you were going steady.

This idea that one dinner date, just dinner, no fucking, implies any kind of exclusivity, and that a woman is a trash whore if she does it, is utterly non-Western, and I can only assume that the Western guys proclaiming it in the comments have picked it up from foreigners on Reddit. Western women have fielded multiple suitors at one time for hundreds of years.

[–]SkookumTreeWhere do you want the ambulances? 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Odd: cultural diffusion?

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really? You wrote that?

[–]AngelinaBaIIerinaPurple Pill Woman[🍰] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Older generations didn’t all do monogamy. They weren’t hooking up. But the greatest generation had a dating rule never to go out with the same guy twice in a row. The pre-civil war era you don’t commit without a proposal. Even the revered 50s had different people you were seeing until going steady. People are just more upset about it now since they could be having sex.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly it.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's a very shallow understanding

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can understand where you're coming from if you come from an older generation but if you're a young person like me then surely uou should realize thay hookup culture is very prominent.

Right but you don't say you are "dating" someone you are only hooking up with.

[–]statusincorporated 2 points3 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

no hookup culture isn't that prominent. Most people aren't hooking up with multiple people all the time. this generation is having the least sex and the fewest sexual partners. this is what we call 'self-selection.'

so maybe it's true that YOUR world reflects what you're saying, but no, for the most part THE world isn't that way. most women aren't cheating on their hubbies, in fact among successful (i.e. rich, educated) marriage and monogamy are stronger than they've ever been.

change your surroundings, change your world, or linger where you are, but don't try to assume that your circumstances reflect all of reality.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 6 points7 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

How did we go from going on dates? To fucking everyone? To cheating on husbands?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

I eagerly await the OP: "CMV: A Woman's N Count Increases By One Every Time She Has A Meal With an Unrelated Male."

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 4 points5 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

The neuroticism has peaked!

[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy 5 points6 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

This whole thread is baffling.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The funny thing is that I keep thinking about Seinfeld, how Jerry's neuroses were played for comedy and laughs. They were never supposed to be attractive; they were intended to (and did) come off as very unattractive.

Nearly two decades later, apparently the neuroses have become sincere and in earnest, rather than comedic. They're still just as unattractive, though.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Has A Meal With an Unrelated Male

Is that how loosely "dating" is being defined here?

I think this is the real disconnect. How everyone here is defining dating.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Griddy, Smurfy, and I have been very clear about this, and dudes have still told us that we are “emotionally cheating.

[–]statusincorporated -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sexual revolution circa the 60's....you all know damned well that these days dating pretty much = fucking.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Keeping your options open and going to dates with cum on your breath are different

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, I’m talking meeting for drinks

Save sex for post-monogamy

[–]Popeman79Red Pill Man 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To use your metaphor: sex is when your foot is finally completely in the shoe you're trying, and you're actually walking. No way to know which one to buy if you haven't had sex.

Dates are just you checking the look and price tag of new sneakers.

[–]TheReformist94 3 points4 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Ah I knew it. Women are the natural plate spinners

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 9 points10 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Who's spinning plates?

We're accepting invites to dinner and/or drinks. We're not putting out with everyone

[–]TheReformist94 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Still. Before trp id date girls ONE AT A TIME. If it led to something, it did, if not, I'd move on. Until I wisened up and realised what you lot were doing

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

It’s different for women.

We are being asked on dates. We don’t know if we really like the guy yet. The first date or first few dates is us trying to ascertain that. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd date we are 100% sure if it’s a go or no-go. Because of this it doesn’t make sense for us to invest all of our eggs into one basket we aren’t even sure we like yet.

For men you asked her out. You know you like her. You are fully invested in her and only her (for some men). It’s a different dynamic.

[–]TheReformist94 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's still slutty .

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I wish I cared. It’s a normal vetting process. Behaving how you want women to behave does not benefit her here. Men will find a woman “slutty” for literally anything. kanye shrug

[–]TheReformist94 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wish I cared about your serial monogamy. Now that I know the game you girls play, when entering an LTR I typically cheat for about 2-5months so I know the degree of commitment I am receiving from the girl to not get short changed with your plate spinning. Shrug.

[–]TheReformist94 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I get what you're saying tho.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol good

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And if I knew you IRL, I would have bluntly told you not to do that

But kudos for learning and evolving

[–]darkmoon09 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't really matter if you actually put out or not. Dates, by nature, have a sexual motivation behind them. Just because you're not smashing everyone you go on a date with doesn't mean it doesn't qualify as spinning plates. You're still spinning plates.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Maybe to men

Women use dates to vet for LTRs, not ONS

[–]darkmoon09 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Are you denying that dates by nature have a sexual undertone/motivation behind them?

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm agreeing that's a part of it, but it's a small part for women. The major reason we accept dates is because we're seeking a LTR

[–]darkmoon09 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

but it's a small part for women.

Lady, c'mon...

So women are less sexual creatures then men are? That's basically what you're saying.

The major reason we accept dates is because we're seeking a LTR

Tell that to the women who go on dates with my Chad buddies and end up smashing that night or the next night.

Please, stop with this this whole "women prioritize LTRs over casual hookups" narrative because we've been calling bullshit on that line for years now yet y'all keep doubling down on that argument when your actions speak louder than your words ever will. Perhaps by far and large women do prefer LTRs but that doesn't mean they don't also enjoy sex just for the fuck of it.

[–]Fuck_UVA 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s trashy unless you let the other person know you are seeing other people. If you don’t you are keeping secrets, which is a horrible way to start a relationship.

No one is going to be hurt by you not letting them know they are the only one you are seeing. Plenty of people would be hurt by you not telling them they’re aren’t the only one you are seeing

Edit: Fucking or not

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m PPD’s biggest proponent of being an ethical slut. You’re preaching to the choir, friend

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations! 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Guys won't choose monogamy with a girl who isn't monogamous

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah, my incel fan club

[–]poppy_blu 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Reds don’t ltr women so why do you even care?

What you’re holding our for virgin plates? Lol

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in an ltr. Guess I'm a bper now

[–]darkmoon09 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But it's the way things are in the modern SMP, what is anyone supposes to do about it?

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

it's current year!!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thing is, how do you avoid fucking around when the person you're dating might secretly be, if there's no agreed monogamy in place

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah the typical feminist strawman

[–]statusincorporated 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Or he could just have his own standards.

[–]fuckdr112 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

If he wants to have a fundamentally warped view of society, then he shouldn’t complain about his fundamentally warped view of society.

But thanks for playing.

[–]statusincorporated 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not fundamentally warped.

Most people aren't dating as in sleeping with mutliple people. Stop trying to push your personal worldview as reality.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is not fucking around, it is getting to know someone. Sex does not equal dating. I don't even have sex until monogamy is established.

[–]statusincorporated 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's also wishful thinking. Unless you're literally everyone's best choice, you're going to be settling anyways and not exactly just choosing your so called best option.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s vile. Prostitutes see multiple people simultaneously, not future partners.

[–]Mystery_Tragic 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's a sad way of thinking. I would have thought it would have been upfront that you are dating other people, and that otherwise monogamy should be assumed. To switch that around seems sneaky.

[–]Fichek 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

By your account (and by account of many others on this topic) dating multiple people = nothing, it's just getting to know people. On the other hand, fucking multiple people is a no no!

BUT if you become exclusive with someone fucking other people is still no no, but suddenly that nothing, that is dating others, is a big no no as well. Isn't this case the poster child of hypocrisy?

And pegging that arbitrary rules as something "normal" when in fact a normal thing would be that everything goes or nothing goes. Are you trying to tell me that having sex with people isn't getting to know them? More often than not you will learn much more about people through sex than dating interaction.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (35 children) | Copy Link

I don't see the "being picky vs. not" point in the OP at all.

The shoe analogy really doesn't help explain why concurrent dating is any better than 1 at a time dating which has nothing to do with pickiness. If you want to stick with this poor analogy then it's about TRYING each pair 1 at a time vs. trying on 5 pairs at the same time (impossible in real life, but this is how the analogy would work here).

I'm not interested in debating that analogy though, so back to the point: if you know 5 people who want to date you, you can date them 1 at a time starting with your top pick. Then if that doesn't work out, you try the next one after formally saying "this isn't going to work" to the first one.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 4 points5 points  (32 children) | Copy Link

Do you think other people aren't going to come sniffing around while I'm dating each of those 5 guys for 3 months at a clip (or whatever)? That's more than a year to get through them

Dating concurrently is a numbers game - the more people you date, the more likely you are to find someone who's a good fit

I don't see the problem with just assuming other people are around until you have an explicit conversation about monogamy

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some people have the self-control to date prospects one at a time, which is arguably less trashy.

I do not, because I don't like making unenforceable unilateral sacrifices (whose to say the girl isn't dating other people unless monogamy is explicitly agreed) but I can see why some people would because "morals" or whatever

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do not, because I don't like making unenforceable unilateral sacrifices (whose to say the girl isn't dating other people unless monogamy is explicitly agreed)

This is why I think it’s a bad idea - it’s a covert contract

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

Well assuming that you'll just be wrong most of the time and if you are the one doing that you'll be surprising (in a negative way) the other people who might tell you to fuck off shortly after or ghost you.

Look at the sexuality stats for normal people (not ppd people, sorry). No one is concurrently fucking 5 men or women at a time for 6-12 months. That's called "sleeping around" and not how most people date.

Most people who are seeing someone as a potential long term prospect even for 2-3 months will tell other suitors they are taken aka "I have a GF/BF" unless they are slutty or players. If you're saying yes only to people more compatible with you the other prospects become irrelevant. I guess some people just don't know what they want or how to get it.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 9 points10 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

Who said fucking?????

Stop projecting what men want to do or would do onto how women operate. We are fielding lunch dates brunch dates dinner dates. Doesn’t mean we are fucking 4 dudes in a week Jesus.

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy Link

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[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

So... a FWB? Yes I’ve had those. To the outside world he looks like we are dating because we are friendly and will see a movie or grab a drink. But he’s a plate. We both know it.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. “I don’t want a boyfriend.” “We are just friends.” “I view you as a friend.

Yes I meant “I don’t want you as a boyfriend.”

Anyway they were typically with other women too. No one was crying in the fetal position.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]darkmoon09 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't really matter if you actually put out or not. Dates, by nature, have a sexual undertone/motivation behind them. Just because you're not sleeping with every date you have doesn't mean it doesn't qualify as spinning plates. You're still spinning plates.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I can’t help that men feel “cucked” by imaginary things they feel.

I don’t deny that I may have a first meeting with two men in one week. Call it what you will.

[–]darkmoon09 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Who said anything about anyone feeling "cucked"? I'm simply sayjng that dating multiple people without having sex still counts as spining plates.

BTW "cuck" is a pretty sexual term. The fact that you're using that word when in your other post you made it a point that it's not all sexual tells me that you think it actually very sexual

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Dates, by nature, have a sexual undertone/motivation behind them.

I’m using “cucked” because you’re the one who brought up sexuality and sexual motivations. It’s clear that’s all you conjure when thinking about women grabbing drinks. I was responding in-kind because to me that’s how it seems you feel.

[–]darkmoon09 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I’m using “cucked” because you’re the one who brought up sexuality and sexual motivations

....were talking about dates here.

Are you denying that dates by nature have a sexual undertone/motivation behind them? Do people go on "dates" to strike up a platonic relationship? C'mon now...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much.

I'm not on a date with you because I want to hang out with a friend. I'm there to fuck you, and as soon as the chance to fuck you vanishes, so do I.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not me? I said most people aren't doing that.

I took issue with people who DO this whole "dating 4-6 different guys concurrently over a period of 6-12 months while sleeping with some or most of them."

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ahhh I see. My bad.

[–]statusincorporated -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

while rare, these women do exist. 4 dudes in a week? try a few a day. usually they're going through some phase, often times recovering from rape (hypersexuality is a common response).

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t debate in outliers.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one is concurrently fucking 5 men or women at a time for 6-12 months.

Who’s talking about fucking? Save that for after the monogamy conversation

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Edit: you put your comment elsewhere

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m a marathon runner, supportive shoes are very important. I DGAF what they look like, I care that they’ll prevent injuries

So yes, me trying on 5 shoes is pretty normal

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

From experience, dating multiple people is often a way manipulative people try to pit dates against each other to coax out commitment. There’s always a target, and if you aren’t it, you are completely wasting your time with someone who doesn’t respect you at all.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah it's a shitty situation all around.

[–][deleted] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link

OP: I remind you that CMV OPs have their own rules, linked on the sidebar. Please familiarize yourself with them. You must actually be open to having your view changed, and engage commenters in good faith.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Got it then change the type of post to the appropriate one if possible , thank you

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have changed it to Debate.

[–]grand_tiremasterpurple ISFP💛 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This idea that a date = locking down someone or instant access to sex, is one of the many things that is wrong with society today.

Y'all need Jesus and need to practice chastity.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The guys who are against a woman having multiple dates are just jealous.

[–]blackedoutfastRed Pill Man 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

that's what all normal people do. and it has pretty much always been the standard way of doing things. you go out with different girls, they're going out with different guys. then if two people really like each other, then eventually they will agree to be exclusive with each other and stop going out with other people.

idk where people get this idea that you are supposed to instantly be 100% monogamous and exclusive with someone from the first date. that's ridiculous. you don't even know them that well.

only going on dates with one person at at time is not normal. this must be some foreigner shit or betas who don't have any other options or something like that.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am very far from a beta but here in eastern eu that is the norm. Dating one person at a time investing properly in a person.

I used to plate sloots and dgaf about them getting dicked by others but I wasn't happy.

Now I look for LTR prospects and I bail as soon as I find out about them dating multiple guys.

I am a high value male (decent facial genetics , pretty jacked and pro athlete , finishing CS major and already working on passive incomes).

I won't tolerate such behaviour. I am investing my time in you and here you are dating other blokes.

Plating and looking for LTR's are different games , at least for me.

[–]blackedoutfastRed Pill Man 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am investing my time in you

why are you getting invested in chicks that you've just met?

and unless you swoop in and steal a girl who was in a serious LTR with a different guy, pretty much every high value girl is at least going to be talking to a few other guys and occasionally going out with them.

[–]Transmigratory 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Someone's clearly not been dating multiple people at the same time. :O

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I used to plate sloots but shit got boring fast.

I longe for that connection and nothing throws me off faster than knowing she is fucking on the side.

Yeah I need to date multiple people , right.

[–]Transmigratory 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're looking for birds where you get the sloots you plated, you'll be hard pressed to find girls who aren't fucking on the side.

​

And yes, you'd need to date multiple people. Its a waste to look for one chick, find out she's fucking other men then rinse and repeat. If you're speaking to multiple, you'll increase the odds, no?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (50 children) | Copy Link

In this day and age if a person isn’t dating multiple people at least at the start then they are probably low SMV

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

This is just a cop out for relatively good looking people to feel better about using and abusing others. If you date multiple people at the same time, you’re human garbage. You always have been and you always will be. The dates you go on are effectively a lie. You’re not really devoting time and energy to finding out more about your date, just testing the fence like a velociraptor hunting a kill. You make modern dating the giant anonymous, soulless waste of time it is and you should be ashamed.

[–]guffynemo -1 points0 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Why you so angry over this?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Because our culture has devolved to garbage. Everyone is objectified like a product in a store. We’re losing our humanity to anonymity and we justify this to ourselves as efficiency. Loneliness is rising, suicides too. We’ve lost sight of what’s important about being human and everyone pretends it’s okay. It’s not.

[–]guffynemo 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yes everything is going to hell because people realize the old ways where crap.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

If the old ways were so crap, why is everyone so unhappy now? Surely, the new ways would be improving everyone’s lives? In reality, the new ways are just an excuse for predators to take advantage of people and justify to themselves that they aren’t the scumbags they are.

[–]guffynemo -1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

You think people where happy back then? And people today not being happy is due to various reasons very little of it is due to dating. And by predators you mean men?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

People were way happier in the past than they are now. The system wasn’t perfect, but it was superior to what happens now. People were taught to respect each other, to respect each other’s time and to not be manipulative.

Now, it seems the opposite is true. Do whatever you need to achieve your goals. Don’t worry about the people you hurt on the way. We’re all just anonymous swipes on an app anyway.

And predators can be men or women — anyone comfortable stringing people along and playing with their emotions to date more ‘efficiently’.

[–]guffynemo 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

How do you know people where happy back then? And how do people not respect people today? And how is dating more person than once being manipulative?

If you think things are so bad move to Asia I am sure you get the sort of life you demand all others to live by.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

They self-reported feeling happier. Women now self-report being the unhappiest in human history. Less happy than during WWII.

Treating someone as a disposable option in a week full of dates is disrespecting them. If you don’t want to spend the time it takes to get to know one person better, then you shouldn’t be dating.

I’ve yet to meet a person dating multiple people who is honest about that fact with all the people they are dating. Often I’ve heard people claim “well, they don’t need to know”, which is bullshit and manipulative. The only reason you don’t want to tell them is because you fear it may change their perception of you. Hiding it is manipulative.

What’s so wrong with taking the time to get to know one person at a time? What’s the rush? If you slowed down, you might even enjoy yourself more. Dating isn’t a job. It’s not a machine. It’s two people getting to know each other.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom -1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

How old are you? And where are you from?

I’m literally trying to put myself in your shoes here, I’m not trying to be an ass. Trying to understand how you developed this viewpoint

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I’m 28 and live in Australia.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok, got it

I’m a generation (decade) older, and from the NYC area

Makes sense that we had different experiences

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Can confirm. It’s 6’ plus or invisible here.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

It’s 90% about looks. The other 10% changes by woman.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Australian girls are slutty af and love British guys that's my experience.

[–]darkmoon09 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This right here is what is eating at a lot of people I think. Times have changed and indeed if you're a young person who's not regularly hooking up (not by choice) then it probably means you're low SMV. Such is the natural result of a free market SMP. A lot of the anger and bitterness we see in this sub and elsewhere must stem from this.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Pretend I upvoted it 10 times. Some high SMV people are just bitter other high SMV people can do the same thing they’re doing.

If one doesn’t like it, date low SMV people, their ncount tends to be lower for obvious reasons.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] -1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Probably but in my case highly unlikely.

I never approach women or chase them since I don't have to , they come to me.

As soon as I find out a girl is dating others or is on any dating app I bail.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

If women come to you, then you are likely in the top 5% of men by attractiveness. Most men will never be pursued by a woman in their life, as women universally find them sexually unattractive.

You have the option to ditch these women and still get laid. Most don't.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Doubt I am in the 5% since I am not from a rich family but I do have the ethics to become one (already working on a niche business and invested succesfully in stocks).

I do have rather high standards when it comes to LTR potential.

Don't think that I am swooned over like your average girl at a party but when I do go out I will get tons of looks and 1-3 approaches from women.

I exclusively hang out with a select few men of which all of us are dreaded alphas (all of us are jacked , good looking and career driven) and this pack mentality might make women see us as a high value group.

I used to plate women (sexually) and felt like a shell of a human doing it.

I align with redpill ideology but always fought against the desire of LTR's until I realized this is what I've been looking for all along.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Your sexual attractiveness to women has nothing to do with the amount of money you have. Would you say a prostitute is attracted to her john because she fucks him? It's all about how you look, and most of those things women look for are determined by your genetics. I could get jacked but I'd still never be attractive.

Don't think that I am swooned over like your average girl at a party but when I do go out I will get tons of looks and 1-3 approaches from women.

Yep. As I said, most guys are never approached in their life. To put that into perspective, at one party you get more approaches than most men ever have.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

There are other factors too such as a fitting fragrance , clothes and the way you behave.

In my experience women will try harder once they find out what your social situation is and how your bank account is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

There are other factors too such as a fitting fragrance , clothes and the way you behave.

Not really, no. There's a reason that Zyzz mostly just walked around half-naked.

In my experience women will try harder once they find out what your social situation is and how your bank account is.

Yes, just like I will try harder to get a job when I learns that it pays a shit ton of money. It doesn't mean I have any interest in the job.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Zyzz is just the perfect example of unreal expectations since he juiced hard. Still miss him.

I am not natty either but I compete in powerlifting at a high level so it's expected.

A good choice of fragrance will just enhance your SMV or fitting clothes.

Learn something you like for instance I do SMD(fixing computer parts such as motherboards , videocards , laptops in general using soldering stations) work , sell and resell electronics and invest in stocks I know will rise while graduating CS.

Learn to monetize your hobbies.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Zyzz is just the perfect example of unreal expectations since he juiced hard. Still miss him.

Beyond the juicing, dude had the perfect genetics so when he juiced it worked but ultimately since all of your competition for women are juicing, unless you're genetically lucky, you've got to juice to keep up with them. Ultimately he set me down the path to seeing what women really are so I will always be in his debt for that.

If I juiced and worked out 7 days a week I'd just be a guy with muscles and a fucked up face.

I am not natty either but I compete in powerlifting at a high level so it's expected.

You mean a roided up powerlifter does well with women? Next you'll be like Donald Trump telling poor people how easy it is to get by on $7 an hour. Most guys' experiences cannot ever be like yours.

Learn to monetize your hobbies.

I don't care about making any more money than I already do: low six figures. I'm a single guy who will never get married and never have children (had a vasectomy) so my costs are extremely low and I already save about 70% of my net income. If I had any chance or desire to get married maybe I'd try harder but why even bother?

That's beside the point, though. I laugh at my bosses' jokes not because they are funny but because they are paying me. That's why most women fuck most men: because they are getting some sort of resource gain out of the transaction.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not roided at all. ( I don't run steroids since they are easily traceable in drug tests) I run sarms , mainly recovery focused ones to keep training at high intensity daily.

I am roughly at 9-10% bf right now since I cut for my competition weight.

It's good that you focus on yourself man.

Keep doing you man!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Said like a narcissistic borderline sociopath that's mad he can't lock down a Stacy lol poor guy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

lol would love to compare our women

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

None stick around with you so what are you comparing lol plus I m also into guys so what you got on that?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Nah, vast majority of women I end things with. The one in 10-15 that doesnt can happen - but that's dating. Cant control everything, you know?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah even if you end things it's still clear you're not able to date real high RMV stacies I mean that's self explanatory

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

high RMV is relative. What 90% of the male population, yourself included, consider high RMV I laugh at.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah and what that even is you're not worth it in return

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah, those girls never settled with anyone else either. Probably aren’t wired for t

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If a man has 2 women in his life, both who he sleeps with, both aware that there's no exclusivity, and he makes no demands on either woman knowing full well they date and even fuck boyfriend/husband prospects...everyone is better off, and there's nothing trashy about it.

[–]PaintingOfJoantelevision killed the radio star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So many people have been doing this years, where are you from by the way?

[–]rus9384Aromantic but cuddly 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not a turn off for me and I think non-monogamy should be the status quo consideration. If you want exclusivity you should be open about it.

[–]The_Lone_Apple 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why? Exclusivity should be agreed upon by people in a relationship and not assumed.

[–]v3r1 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, this changed in recent years. You have no obligation to tell someone you just met how many people you are seeing but if this is something that is going on for a little bit you need to be upfront and not trick the person.

[–]Zero_The-HeroValhalla awaits 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I only have the time energy and money for one girl at a time. I'm also a romantic, so I don't even want to touch another girl if I'm catching feels.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Dating" (hate the phrase) is just getting to know someone. It does not mean exclusivity.

Q 4 OP. If you could dick another girl (lets assume you have options) would this really bother you so much?

[–]TheLongerCon 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What does trashy even mean?

Men don't like to commit to promiscuous women, it is known. So it makes sense that if you find out a girl you're dating is sleeping around you wouldn't be interested in pursuing a realtionship. Women don't typically feel the same way about men, they like a guy that other women are fucking, or at least seriously want to fuck.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would counter with: "Dating multiple people at the same time is trashy, if everyone involved in the relationship is not aware of it.

If everybody knows, and they are OK (which I'm going to assume they are, since they are still dating) then go for it. What consenting adults do in their free time is none of my business or concern.

[–]HarpyMasterSeasoned C.C. rider 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

no, it isnt. women dont owe your exclusivity. grow up.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You obviously come from a western country where promiscuity is the norm.

While they don't owe me exclusivity I expect the girl I date to drop the other chumps by the second date.

I know my worth and I know I am a high smv man.

Yet I am not fucking around like a degenerate.

[–]HarpyMasterSeasoned C.C. rider 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

promiscuity? monogamy aint the norm, either.

you can expect all you want, any self-respecting woman wouldnt put all eggs in one basket in this day and age. why would any woman forgo her imperative? no man is worth it.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You can start adopting cats off the street then with that attitude.

The woman I am in a LTR with assumed we were boyfriend/girlfriend after our kiss which was on our first date.

And she's not the only one with this mindset in eastern eu but lately I see more and more liberal women taking on the mindset of dating multiple men at once.

What they don't realize is that guys like me or my group of friends (both dudes alphas with good looks , a career ahead will agree with me since we talk often about various topics and relationships happen to be one of them) will not commit to a woman that gets passed around.

While I am not attracted to the idea of plates(did it and felt miserable) my friends do and they consider women that do this FWB at best.

[–]HarpyMasterSeasoned C.C. rider 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

have two cats, in fact and they are awesome. it is funny to see males using cats as some sort of insult. males like that dont even know women would choose cats over them. oh well..

your worth as a male is determined by women and their network of friends. if her friends font approve f you no amount of alphaness will help you. bye

[–]H2orocks3000 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Until we have a discussion about where we stand, tech everything is off as far as guarantees. If your the one we want to stay with, then at that point we drop everything else. Because that's a relationship now.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry but I don't share my woman be it at the end of a relationship or the start of it.

You will most likely drive away traditional men like myself and those that stay and don't like it but agree out of desperation have no backbone because scarcity mindset.

[–]H2orocks3000 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m a guy I don’t abuse it, it’s kinda a hard fast full stop for the others. And tbh I tend to run into relationships in the past so it wasn’t like it was typically that long.

I mean hell, met one girl and 3 days later I came back from our first date.

Waking up to “hey that’s not super healthy, but damn was that at least fun at the time”

I don’t avoid having the commitment conversation either. And never have felt like I really ever lost anybody doing this as typically it was only like the first week or two max and then I politely dropped them like either the day or day after we committed.

[–]we-are-men-with-ven 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Unless I'm getting romantic vibes of a person and it's veering into that kind of territory - it's litteraly none of my buisness who they are banging or dating.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

Men who don't want to compete

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I am not gonna compete for no woman since I am in the top 20% maybe even the 10%. (competing athlete , almost done with CS degree and already working at 21)

Not gonna compete for some netflix watching slob lmao.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not gonna compete for no woman since I am in the top 20% maybe even the 10%. (competing athlete , almost done with CS degree and already working at 21)

Not gonna compete for some netflix watching slob lmao.

Just the way you wrote this makes it hard for me to believe you’re “winning” the way you claim to be. Not saying you’re not. Just hard to believe.

[–]Random_dude5678 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you me?

[–]87AudreyHorne 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

netflix watching slob

What's wrong with netflix?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

and youre still single..

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My past relationships with women since 2018 to 2019 are LTR's and currently in one.

I have been in 5 since mentioned year.

Dumped their ass once I saw the redflags(longest of the bunch had a spare key to my home and fucked a dude in my apartment becayse she thought I was having side hoes since I PT from time to time)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

you can't keep them though

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Guess I am doomed to hookers and blackjack.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Who wants to compete for a used up, manipulative slut?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

the men who sleep with her

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Quality guys lol. Fighting over gristle.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

yeah if they were that much better they wouldn't be sleeping with gristle

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for making my point. Women who date multiple men end up with losers.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And you proved my point. The 'quality men' who sleep with them are their equals.

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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (42 children) | Copy Link

Assume non exclusivity unless otherwise informed

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

How is this no longer a thing? Has the single world changed that much?

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 5 points6 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

These men don’t operate in the real world.

[–]Mystery_Tragic 3 points4 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

Or don't live in America.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 2 points3 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

Yes. Or don’t live in the West.

[–]Mystery_Tragic 1 point2 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

Seems very American to me. A country that likes to makes things difficult for themselves.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 1 point2 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

If you say so. Their reaction seems pretty non-western to me.

[–]Mystery_Tragic 1 point2 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

I'm talking about you.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy Link

Ok. I’m saying their reaction seemed non western. Not sure what part of your comment is about me.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nah it is American. In the UK for example if you say you're going out with someone it implies a more serious level of commitment than just getting a drink. So if you are dating someone it's saying you're in a relationship.

Talking about dating in the context of just going out to dinner once is an American thing.

Then again it's also perfectly normal to just fuck around with someone and only get serious later or not at all. But this is not referred to as dating. If you talk about dating it does imply a seriousness which it doesn't seem to in the US.

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You misunderstand.

Please read the thread.

What I am calling “non western” is the fact that the men in this OP have called “grabbing first meeting drinks pre sex with multiple ppl” trashy and slutty and have all freaked out about it.

[–]nemma8834/F/UK Married 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Where I grew up in the UK it was considered trashy.

I'm pretty sure it still is to an extent. Though I havn't been in this dating scene for 10 or so years...

Edit; and it's not like we here are overly religious or overly sophisticated XD.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lmao yeah exactly.

I just said in another comment, it seems like Americans say "dating" to simply mean "getting a drink."

Whereas if we talk about dating it infers more of a seriousness.

I think that's the culture clash here.

[–]GrumpyOldHistoricist 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This is life for anyone who isn’t ugly, an autist, or from an extremely traditional/religious background.

[–]sparksjoy4 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Lol not even the last one arguably. At least Catholics are encouraged to spend time one-on-one with various men in order to choose a partner. No physical intimacy is allowed with any of them at that stage of course but to some degree we do "see" other people until we hit the DTR phase. Putting all of your eggs in one basket as soon as someone expresses mutual interest isn't exactly the most efficient way to date.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol, the Catholics I know are some of the biggest plate spinners on earth

Someone forgot to brief New Jersey on this

[–]sparksjoy3 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Are they Irish Catholics by any chance lol

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Roman Catholics - the Italians (I’m poking gentle fun at this, I lived in NJ for years before moving to WASPy CT)

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe in western countries but here in eastern eu mutual exclusivity is the go to unless informed otherwise.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That explains it. You’re not western

[–]PaintingOfJoantelevision killed the radio star 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That explains everything lol

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is why I just date OP's mom.

[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

starts a slow clap 👏

[–]geyges🐇 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You might be "dating". She's just "hooking up".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I used to do the "casually date and maybe screw around while I'm at it" thing 3-4 years ago and realized it was arguably a waste of time if you are looking for a lasting LTR. Too much time spent with incompatible people and too much time spent trying to get laid one extra time. Better things to do in life IMO.

There's very little down side to focusing on 1 partner who you preemptively think would be a good match at a time because once you feel incompatible (you should know after like 1-4 dates) then you just move on and waste no more than 2-4 weeks on 1 person (this works well with elaborate dating profiles or social circle dating .. and I suppose if you're good at asking the right questions compatibility questions cold approach preemptive selection might work too). IN other words... try to avoid long shots.

The serial daters in the real world are rare (esp. higher RMV people who know what they want and know they have options). It's only a bigger issue with online dating which is why I try to avoid it, but even then not everyone who is online dating is "serial dating" actually. Nor are people going on first or second dates having sex necessarily (if she's going on a date with you the other guy probably isn't working out, so no sex for him). So the dicking point is moot. Ever wondered why response rates are so low towards most guys? :)

[–]Glawen_Clattuc 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I feel like it's not really clear what exactly the view is that you are inviting us to change.

The OP says:

Dating multiple people at the same time is trashy (men and women)

But you end with:

Unless you're open about it from the start.

So what I guess you really mean is something like:

Don't waste my time and/or money if you're already getting it from somewhere else

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Close but I am fine with others doing this shit but if I find out that the woman I date is dating others then I'm out of there.

Don't get me wrong I used to date multiple women at the same time(plating) but I found no happiness out of it besides primal shit.

I still can but I won't. (I am between Chad lite-Chad when it comes to aesthetics)

I still see no point dating multiple people as you're not going to pair that well with someone as if you were dating only 1 person at a time.

Also you drive away men that don't do this type of stuff so you're losing out as well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't get me wrong I used to date multiple women at the same time(plating) but I found no happiness out of it besides primal shit.

Can you see how this makes you look hypocritical?

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Key word: used to

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Don't get me wrong I used to date multiple women at the same time(plating) but I found no happiness out of it besides primal shit.

Yeah well your aim was “fuck as many women as possible”

My aim is “vet as many men as possible”. I’m seeking an LTR. You’re seeking random fucks.

You’re assuming your goal and behavior is women’s. You’re disgusted with your former self or disgusted with the fact that women let you fuck them? Idk. Either the way you’ve got it all wrong as to how women seeking LTRs will concurrently date in the beginning stages (first 1-3 dates.)

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

They were dating others and I felt ok with it because I was just fucking them but since the i've come a long way and know that any girl that dates multiple guys will have a few dudes fucking her while I take her on dates.

No ty

[–]GridReXXThe "XX" in my name means I'M A WOMAN 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Or maybe they viewed you as you viewed them?

Sounds like you guys mutually plated each other.

In general, when a woman is in “seeking LTR” mode she is not fucking every dude she goes to drinks with. She’s seeing if she’s attracted to them and if his goals align with hers.

[–]CaptDeadlift[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My experience with girls that did this shit is the opposite and I had girls hold out for me just because I was the whole package(fit, confident,charming,romantic at times and other seeked traits) while fucking some low SMV dude on the side.

Needless to say I ghosted her and the likes but I do get harassed now and had to change my number once(private calls , texts and the likes women are met with).

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

r/thathappened

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

it's fun though

[–]FlyingResearcher 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I haven't read everything here but I'm not seeing any arguments challenging OP's views. I see lots of people disagreeing with him / her, but nobody providing any reasons why they disagree.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

saved a lot of time realizing OP is from ~ the east ~

[–]Mystery_Tragic -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree OP, it's quite trashy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

from the start.

A man hardly needs to date other women from "the start". Women are DTF all the time at the start of a relationship while still in the NRE/limerance phase, and their libido slowly drops over time.

If anything, men should be permitted to fuck more women the longer he has been with them all, collectively. Instead, in this clown world we're condemned to live in, women expect MORE monogamy, investment and commitment over time while providing LESS sex.

[–]Random_dude5678 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honkity honk HONK

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trashy or not. Causes herpes.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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