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I have been with my gf for close to 2 years now. I struggle with depression. I never tell her about my depression. I try to manage it as much as possible, but sometimes it gets worse than other times. During those times, I hide myself to go through the struggle by myself, maybe cry it out or fight suicidal thoughts.

Also, though I like her a lot, I’ve kept myself from fully opening up to her due to terrible past experiences with love, and I know I can’t handle a heartbreak in the future. I would never cheat on her or break her heart, but I just can’t make myself become vulnerable again.

How would her attraction change if she knew that I’m mentally weak and could burst into tears basically anytime I wanted to, I just hide it well. I’m afraid she would see that weak side of me and no longer be sexually attracted to me.


[–]killertubbie24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the situation where you're gonna see how worthy your girlfriend is when situations are not so pink anymore. If I were you, I'm still gonna be honest and be open about it and see how supportive she is. In the case that she's not supportive at all, a heartbreak from that type of person is not much of a tragedy. Would you rather live your life with someone as honest as possible or would you rather live in a lie for the rest of your life?

[–]blackkindergods14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hmmm depends.

Honestly if u can get girls just open up and if she doesn’t like it move on, if you’re in a long term relationship imo for me personally I want vulnerability and trust and transparency or bust, why waste my time.

If you can’t get none without her different story

[–]pleasantlyplumpy32 points33 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been depressed in 2 past relationships and both of them used it as an insult when arguing.

I would not tell my s/o again.

Hope you’re alright, OP.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People will insult about anything if they want. If you'd not tell about depression they'd find a different thing to insult you.

[–]lilacluna5480 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope you're alright too, I'm sorry that you were treated like that.

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse20 points21 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Only if you want to break up with her.

[–]Systral3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What a retarded fucking comment. Why would she dump him for having an incredibly common mental health issue.

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

r/reluctantly_red schooled you sufficiently so I've nothing else to say.

[–]Systral-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He didn't school me. He only showed me his ability to have meaningful relationships with nonsuperficial women.

[–]reluctantly_red6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Women hate weakness. The last thing a woman wants is a guy she has to protect.

[–]frustrationlvl1003 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Woman here! I’ve actually had a depressed boyfriend! I was very happy when he told me as I enjoy trust in a relationship.

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Only cruel women hate weakness. They're garbage and should be dumped immediately.

[–]BuckethatWithOatmeal 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

Its all subconscious. You can keep virtue signaling but in real life, when worse comes to worst you’ll begin to rationalize and eventually leaving him :)

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You can choose to believe that if you wish. It's easier to rationalize your own unhappiness if you tell yourself that everyone is heartless and they're all against you.

[–]BuckethatWithOatmeal 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m sure you’ve already looked through this thread so you know what I’m talking about. But no, the fact is AWALT. All women are repulsed by weakness in men, deep down on a subconscious level and no amount of virtue signaling or spouting bullshit about empathy or finding a better person will change that- unfortunately learned that the hard way (it doesn’t matter how much of a “good person” or sympathetic a woman is, this innate behavior is all the same in all women.)

https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/brichf/cried_in_front_of_ltr_did_i_loose_frame/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure this line of thought will protect you from ever being accountable for your own failures in relationships. Have fun with that. I'm going to continue judging people based on individual actions, not by numbers.

[–]The3liGator8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depends. If you want to guarantee that the relationship lasts, don't tell her.

If you want to risk your relationship in hopes of maximizing its emotional benifits, tell her.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think he should. There is just so much miscommunication when people hide facts like this. If she knows what it is, maybe boundaries of how he sees her responding and just general knowledge of the topic, life just goes so much better. Who knows - maybe she can help. At the least she will understand more. I don't think it is something you can hide forever.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave20 points21 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Yeah you should why even be married if you can’t share your innermost stuff I mean I would want that intimacy and be very insulted if he didn’t consider me inner circle enough to discuss the real stuff in his life.

[–]DownWeGoRabbit 1 points [recovered]  (9 children) | Copy Link

Somebody link her the post about the girl leaving the guy after he told her he had turama from being raped.

Btw, the post was was a confession by the girl.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Oh okay well I’m a girl but by all means weigh her personal views stronger than mine.

[–]DownWeGoRabbit 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy Link

I'm weighing her actions by your words.

[–]ThisIsJustATr1buteHas what plants crave0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

So you’re saying she should’ve been more like me.

[–]DownWeGoRabbit 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

No I'm saying what you think you believe, might be different from what you will actually do.

[–]dingelingdollar 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

You are both the same

[–]ThisIsJustATr1bute 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

No we’re not. Stop this character attack.

[–]dingelingdollar 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (118 children) | Copy Link

In my opinion, I wouldn't. Women think less of men for showing too much emotion and weakness, can lose attractiveness for men who do so, and will think about leaving.

I think I'm gonna get a lot of downvotes and women trying to make it sound like they don't think badly of those things, but I think that's just for show, more than anything women hate the idea of being thought in a negative light socially and will do or say anything to make themselves seem like they're not a bad person. But if you're a man, you're only allowed to be a little bit weak, only allowed to show it once in awhile, and it's only tolerated if you're providing her with enough money or social status.

[–]reluctantly_red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But if you're a man, you're only allowed to be a little bit weak, only allowed to show it once in awhile, and it's only tolerated if you're providing her with enough money or social status.

Very well put. Just a little weakness or vulnerability is all guys are allowed.

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie12 points13 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

He should be focused on managing his depression until he is "struggling successfully". This shouldn't be about any woman. Just his path to success; which could or couldn't possibly involve her in the future.

I think I'm gonna get a lot of downvotes and women trying to make it sound like they don't think badly of those things,

They would if he presented it in a way that his depression is her cross to carry rather than something she should support.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

He should be focused on managing his depression until he is "struggling successfully". This shouldn't be about any woman. Just his path to success; which could or couldn't possibly involve her in the future.

If he was a woman, that expectation wouldn't be placed on him.

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Which is why equality is a foolish pursuit. I don't care about women in this instance. No man should. Its not even effective that you want to highlight the hypocrisy of women. OP gains nothing by doing so.

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

So like "You're right, but get over it." 🤗

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Get something done despite it. Come on.

[–]Kino_Afi-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I like you

Edit: what do you guys have against the message "get things done despite it"? Thats nothing but positive energy imo

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh nothing, you can be a very high functioning depressive. But just because you take action doesn't mean you'll feel chipper doing it. It's pretty tough to entertain when you feel low all the time on a deep biological and existential level.

[–]Kino_Afi0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I guess you're right, its better to just complain and wallow in self defeat than to get something done despite it. 😐

He never said anything like "get over it pussy, be happy". He said shit sucks but keep moving. I'll defend that attitude. Not changing anything because you feel bad and then feeling bad because you havent changed anything is a vicious cycle I've been caught in. I know things are less than ideal, but get something done despite it. Cmon.

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

For the second time, there is nothing wrong with getting things done. That isnt what I said or even what I was referring to in my original comment. You thought I was speaking about men being complacent through depression but I was referring to her saying saying that men should get over the fact that women expect more than they're willing to give and we are not equals.

Anyways, again, theyre plenty of successful high functioning depressed people. And I agree that people should always work towards goals, but in order to be the sturdy emotional rock keeping her emotions in check, you have to have a baseline of your own. I think all these men in question just want a friend to confide in, but many women these days make that to be "emotional work" that they don't want apart of.

I agree with you don't worry, just a miscommunication

[–]concacanca5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes this does happen and has happened to a few men I know.

However I think if the rest of the relationship is solid it shouldn't be a problem. Women don't want their man to be a chore and if depression is just one more on a long list of things to worry about they sometimes decide to walk away.

I'd probably recommend talking to a doctor or mental health professional first anyway. Coming clean after taking some steps to deal with it is much less impactful.

[–]BleachedJam22 points23 points  (46 children) | Copy Link

Going to have to strongly disagree here.

Women think less of men for showing too much emotion and weakness, can lose attractiveness for men who do so, and will think about leaving.

Some women maybe, but I've never seen this happen. My husband told me about his depression and his contemplating suicide when we were newly dating. As it was something I also went though, it helped us get closer. He freely shows emotion too. In fact when I was first pregnant with our daughter he saw a video of grandparents finding out for the first time they'll be grandparents and he cried thinking about telling his mom. He regularly cries at Facebook videos of kids or animals. Always has, I love him for it.

women trying to make it sound like they don't think badly of those things, but I think that's just for show, more than anything women hate the idea of being thought in a negative light socially and will do or say anything to make themselves seem like they're not a bad person.

It's also possible women aren't bad people too you know.

it's only tolerated if you're providing her with enough money or social status.

Considering he works at a gamestop I don't think I'm super concerned with money or social status. Also I'm set to graduate soon and will probably make more than him.

[–]Rychew_10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I opened up to my girlfriend, and she broke up with me a few days later. I'm not saying there weren't other reasons, but it seems that me opening up was something that contributed to it.

[–]BleachedJam5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sounds like she did you a favor. Would you want to be with someone you couldn't open up to?

Sorry you wasted your time on her.

[–]Rychew_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, shit sucks

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I opened up to my girlfriend, and she broke up with me a few days later.

Yeah -- women really do hate weakness. My ex-wife decided she wanted a divorce the same day I was diagnosed with a heart condition.

[–]Rychew_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn that’s rough

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I wish I had more time to dedicate to Reddit or I would like to create a new subreddit r/CanWeCloneHer to dedicate to the good women we discover in the world. Welcome to the winner's group if that subreddit ever happens.

[–]BleachedJam5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol thanks, but we all have downfalls too. No one is perfect.

Good idea for a reddit though! I'd suggest adding in men and just making it about good people, because there's a lot of shitty people in the world.

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

*facepalm* Welp you might have a point after all since r/CanWeCloneHer already exists as a Star Wars-based sub. LOL

[–]X-BIRTThe Green Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just call it r/CanWeCloneThem and make it a general sub.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Some women maybe, but I've never seen this happen.

Then you're either blind, or a rare exception

It's also possible women aren't bad people too you know.

Exceptions don't disprove general rules or trends.

Considering he works at a gamestop I don't think I'm super concerned with money or social status. Also I'm set to graduate soon and will probably make more than him.

Exceptions don't disprove general rules or trends

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

She is a rare exception. And should be praised for it.

[–]arcticshqip7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

She is like most women are and the women that red pill men want are the exception. IRL I've seen red pill behaviour only on women that have mental health problems or personality disorder.

I think many red pill men are projecting. They consider a woman as trofee and an household appliance and can't understand why women would love men as humans.

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She is like most women are

I disagree with this greatly. Alternatively I believe that excessive male thirst has exacerbated the existing problem of mercenary women. Men will chase good looking women who already have disproportionate power in the dating market and will give no consideration to their moral character. This double whammy enables the lowest common denominator (LCD) behavior to thrive, eliminating incentives for women to be better people. Add to this the friendzoning of average or "fat" women by men (with zero regard to their moral character) and you both have filtered out a lot of good women (which should be about half of the women in that group) and sent a message to other women that men, in turn, are also highly mercenary. This in turn has further fanned the flames of LCD behavior in women, which we know as mercenary hypergamy.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe mercenary hypergamy is widespread among women, but men's contributions have taken it up from 7 to 11. TRP needs to reverse course and teach men to prioritize moral character over looks, and warn about the dangers of look'ism. Then your first statement would become true.

But then TRP would need to pair-annihilate themselves in the process, metaphorically speaking. A movement admitting that it's been moving in the wrong direction all along is, ironically, suicide.

They consider a woman as trofee and an household appliance and can't understand why women would love men as humans.

I agree with this totally.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

why women would love men as humans

How often does that actually happen?

[–]arcticshqip-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Very often and new couples like that are formed every day. Just look around you. There are many women in monogamous relationships even if they would be financially better of single or as single mums.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are many women in monogamous relationships even if they would be financially better of single or as single mums.

I do know women in this type of relationship. They're hardly relationships anyone would want to emulate. Either the guy is a control freak who keeps her from working or he's hot so she ignores the fact he's a lazy good for nothing.

[–]arcticshqip0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How can you make that assumption? Why does it seem such a horrible idea to have a marriage where both work and both have average salary?

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie12 points13 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Why are you commenting on heavy shit you've never lifted? Seriously, here you have a woman willing to work with her guy. She's blind for being mentally more experience and stronger than you?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Why are you commenting on heavy shit you've never lifted?

I mean, I've learned to not tell anyone about what I'm actually from women themselves, so I don't know what you're talking about.

She's blind for being mentally more experience and stronger than you?

She's blind for having never seen it before. It happens all the time, and it's extremely common for women to dump or lose interest in men who are mentally weak.

[–]Aaren_Augustine 1 points [recovered]  (11 children) | Copy Link

so I don't know what you're talking about.

That's abundantly clear.

It happens all the time, and it's extremely common for women to dump or lose interest in men who are mentally weak.

Text book answer devoid of actual real life experience. Like I said. How old are you, dude?

[–]RushAndWalter 1 points [recovered]  (9 children) | Copy Link

That's abundantly clear.

Cherry picking quotes while ignoring how you were completely destroyed doesn't make you any less destroyed.

Text book answer devoid of actual real life experience. Like I said. How old are you, dude?

Early 30s.

Guaranteed you're a college kid or fresh-out-of-college who thinks they're smart because you get to clean up some Alpha Widow's vagina after she's had her fun and needs someone to settle down with

[–]Aaren_Augustine 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy Link

Late 30s, 39 next week, in this dick measuring bullshit; as if that mattered if you haven't done shit in your life.

Guaranteed you're a college kid or fresh-out-of-college

Masters, 4 years in Europe, 3 kids, married a decade, and have had enough curb stomps to know you're full of shit. I wouldn't dispense some "knowledge" on a girl backing her dude up even if he's from gamestop. What fucking side are you on?

Alpha Widow's vagina after she's had her fun and needs someone to settle down with

You don't know fuck all past what GLO shoved up your body cavity

[–]RushAndWalter 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy Link

Late 30s, 39 next week, in this dick measuring bullshit; as if that mattered if you haven't done shit in your life.

Ahahaha, you thought I was actually some 19 year old you could kick around.

Masters, 4 years in Europe, 3 kids, married a decade, and have had enough curb stomps to know you're full of shit.

Bullshit, she's only with you because you make money with that Masters. If you didn't have it or that money dried up, she'd be gone.

She maintains you the same way someone maintains a stock portfolio.

I wouldn't dispense some "knowledge" on a girl backing her dude up even if he's from gamestop. What fucking side are you on?

That situation is rare. Exceptions exist but don't disprove general rules and trends. "Well I do something" is bad statistics.

I'm on the side of not giving other men bad advice that sets them up for failure, and telling them what they want to hear sets them up with failure because women hate mentally weak men and only tolerate it if they see money or status coming in from it.

You don't know fuck all past what GLO shoved up your body cavity

It actually sounds like I'm right with how angry you're getting about it

[–]Aaren_Augustine 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

Sigh. So easy. Look, this is about the OP. Do you get that? He needs help. I loved helping these dude and I did that with askTRP for a couple of years. A few ego bating-comments and you chase it like you are a teenager getting a whiff of pussy.

Read I Feel Guilty When I Say No...about 4 times. You suck in verbal "kung fu" and you are NOT going to help him. So think what you wish of me, but you've actively failed at helping him. Which is why I told you to. shut. the. fuck. up.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Knock it off. This is a warning.

[–]guffynemo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She is also just one woman and far from being a representation of women as a group. You have a whole push for women to stop doing all of the emotional labor in relationships. Which is only further proving to us men to not open up and be emotional. As we know what happens if we do least in terms of relationships.

[–]guffynemo4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's also possible women aren't bad people too you know.

Sure, but you are one woman here and the men here are talking about women in a generalize way as we dealt with women more when it comes to being a man and showing emotions.

Considering he works at a gamestop I don't think I'm super concerned with money or social status. Also I'm set to graduate soon and will probably make more than him.

You do realize money is one of the top reasons why marriages end in divorces right? And most women do not want to be the breadwinner they want the man to fill that role.

[–]reluctantly_red3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

he works at a gamestop I don't think I'm super concerned with money or social status. Also I'm set to graduate soon and will probably make more than him.

Get back to us in five years. If he doesn't get his life together I really doubt you'll be sticking around.

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How long do you have to be with someone before you stop making this statement? I mean, I hear you beating the drum, but you seem to always have a new benchmark or a new goal. So tell me, what's the line?

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whenever there is a change in the relative value of the partners to a relationship there's a very significant probability the relationship will tank. Once you graduate and establish yourself your value will have increased. If he doesn't get his act together and increase his value too I predict trouble.

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That doesn't answer my question. What's the benchmark of when you'll stop saying that someone will leave for emotional issues? Or will it always be goalpost shifting and a new standard? So tell me, when will you stop predicting a woman will leave a partner/spouse with emotional/mental health issues?

[–]BleachedJam-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

What makes you think that isn't together? We have a house and a child, we're doing fine. Besides, in 5 years I'll be making more than him, he won't need a better job.

You know, some people just love people for who they are. Shocking, I know.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

in 5 years I'll be making more than him, he won't need a better job.

Yeah, but my prediction is that you'll decide you want a better guy.

[–]BleachedJam0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

And you'd be wrong. There is no one better than him.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

We'll see. Its amazing how quickly women can fall out of love.

[–]BleachedJam1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Some people maybe. Men too. But we've already had hard times, I had to use a good chunk of my school money to help support him. It was hard but it never made me love him less. Because that's what love is.

I'm sorry for the circumstances that lead you to believe women aren't capable of real love. Those women were cruel, but we aren't all like that. I hope you find someone who can help heal you if you want it.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had to use a good chunk of my school money to help support him.

Sooner or later you'll become resentful.

[–]BleachedJam1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably not, but I know I won't change your mind so go ahead and believe that.

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same. My husband also struggles with depression (and other mental issues) and it only ever brought us closer together. I love that he is so open with his emotions and isn't scared to show them. Of course or hasn't always been easy, but nothing in life that is worth a damn ever is.

[–]geyges🐇0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Loved reading this. Thanks for sharing.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

Women can smell weakness from a mile away. A man struggling with depression is a man who cannot provide and protect her in the way she feels entitled.

A woman’s love is conditional. Show too much weakness and her affection for you disappears almost instantly.

Men have kept their internal struggles to themselves for centuries. The reason is simply reproductive utility.

[–]allweknowisD8 points9 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

a woman’s love is conditional

What love isn’t? Please, if we take this parent/child/family love out of the equation, please tell me who else gets unconditional love?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

Women make 80% of divorce applications, so you tell me.

[–]allweknowisD6 points7 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Making an application doesn’t mean they are the ones at fault

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (21 children) | Copy Link

Making 80% sure does. It's all 'Eat, Pray, Love' finding yourself BS.

[–]allweknowisD8 points9 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Or abusive husbands, cheating husbands, a husband that no longer tried etc etc should a woman just stay unhappy even if she loves someone?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

You really think 80% of men who are being divorced are these things? And women aren't equally abusive, prone to cheating, no longer try (AKA get fat as hell)? Give me a break. Women apply for 80% of divorces because women are selfish thieves that have no problem taking a man's children from him while they fleece him for alimony.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Hardly anyone gets alimony anymore and the average child support check is a pittance. Ask yourself why a woman would settle for a lower standard of living in order to get rid of her husband? Must be pretty bad, eh.

[–]Reluctantly_Social 1 points [recovered]  (8 children) | Copy Link

BS. The reason women are so happy to divorce their husbands is because they know they'll get the house, the kids and a good portion of his salary. It's why they never marry the live in boyfriend. Don't want to ruin the margin. Divorced men kill themselves and become homeless in alarming numbers. I wonder why that is.

[–]allweknowisD-2 points-1 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I gave things that could be happening in this 80%, I didn’t say all divorces were those things.

You don’t sound biased at all. Gotta love conspiracies

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Conspiracies? Women instigate an astounding 80% of divorces and you think the idea that perhaps they could be primarily at fault is a conspiracy.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women can smell weakness from a mile away. A man struggling with depression is a man who cannot provide and protect her

Exactly. Sure there may be the occasional woman who wants to play nurse and save him but most women will run for the hills.

[–]binkerfluid4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yep, they blame "toxic masculinity" but thats kinda bullshit men are what they are to survive

[–]adnil010120020 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

I hope you’re trolling, I prefer guys who are open and can talk about anything with me. I tell my boyfriend to be open with me, I would much rather him be comfortable with me rather than anxious about holding back a secret. That’s not a healthy relationship if you can’t be honest due to being judged and fear.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I tell my boyfriend to be open with me,

This is often a trap with women. They ask this figuring he's a rock and he's fine, and then he reveals he isn't and she loses respect and attraction for him, and he never gets it back.

That’s not a healthy relationship if you can’t be honest due to being judged and fear.

And it's also extremely normal when it comes to women

[–]adnil01012002-1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

You’re generalizing wayyyy too much, that would be like if I said all men cheat. Not every single person or their relationships are the same. Have you even been in a relationship ? Or are you an incel?

[–]passepar2t5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I've dated a variety of women and I think he's right, for the most part.

[–]adnil01012002-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You don’t date the best women huh... they might have been finding an excuse to leave you.

[–]passepar2t6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This is what I'm talking about. What you're doing now.

[–]ayywumao 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

IF YOU WERENT SUCH A WEAK PUSSY MAYBE THEY WOULD LOVE YOU

also it's your fault

[–]passepar2t2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Everything that happens to me is my fault, that's how I go through life. Obviously it's a lot of pressure and doesn't always make me feel great, but I don't like to blame others for my shortcomings.

[–]adnil01012002-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s the same for everyone.

[–]adnil010120020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now what exactly am I doing? This isn’t someone opening up or being emotional

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Exceptions don't disprove general trends.

[–]adnil010120021 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s not a trend though. That’s just a toxic relationship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is a trend because most women operate that way. Men are just socialized to man up and push through it, because otherwise women won't wan them at all.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I prefer women to not wear makeup to dates for much the same reason — makes for easier evaluation and dismissal.

[–]flyinghorse1-1 points0 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

*you cant get downvotes on purple-pill. Its good because we can see our controversial opinions and not feel the moral brigade bashing.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

There's ways around it, pretending like downvotes don't happen here is being disingenuous

[–]flyinghorse1-1 points0 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

I'm pretty sure you cant get really downvoted - you'd have to go full psycho and go on their bio and dislike other posts from other subs

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Lol almost every single one of my posts for past week or so has initially been downvoted

[–]flyinghorse10 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

how??

[–]rus9384 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Mobile app allows downvotes here.

[–]flyinghorse1 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Pretty sure it doesn't work - never seen a vote rating below 1pt

[–]concacanca 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy Link

You can downvote on mobile and in your inbox.

You aren't supposed to but as people say, it happens pretty much every time you say something anti incel or that team woman disagrees with.

[–]flyinghorse10 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I didn't think it was pro incel here (thanks for the info though - I didn't know any of that)

[–]concacanca0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's not meant to be but so many of them are here because it's a place where women actually engage with them. They used to be banned but the mods, for some unknown reason, decided to allow them.

[–]Esk1mOz4mb1kFormer Nice Chad0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why should they be banned if they respect the sub rules?

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Let's not try to explain how to break the rules of the subreddit, please.

[–]Superfluous_ToastSex is only bad when she's not having it with you3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is one of the worst places to ask this question. This place is full of the type of people who will tell you the same things your depression does, that you're weak and unworthy and you should never let anyone know because they'll abandon you. The only way to know for sure what kind of person you're dating is to be honest with her about what you're going through. If you cannot confide in the person you care about most, then they are not worth of being that person, they don't know you. If she can't handle it, it's not because you're weak. It's because she is.

[–]QueenCousland863 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was in a seven year relationship with someone who was so depressed that he tried frequently to kill himself. If you don't seek solutions, she'll end up leaving either way. Therapy, meds, whatever- if you can't give 100% of yourself to making it work, it will eat away at you AND her, even if you don't tell her. Depression is a lie your brain tells itself and you deserve to feel better.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in the same boat and it gets so tiring...

[–]SeemedGood6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your instincts are correct. They come from your past experiences, and despite what many may say, you’d be foolish to ignore those experiences and the instincts which have arisen from them.

Your girlfriend might consciously want you to be emotionally vulnerable with her, and she might very well be consciously supportive of you if you are.

Subconsciously, however, your emotional vulnerability will signal weakness to her and women are repulsed by weakness in men. Unless she is extraordinarily introspective, objectively self observant and self critical she will likely not have mastered her subconscious reactions enough not to lose respect and attraction for you if you display emotional vulnerability.

Seek solace with and comfort from your close male friends. As much as they may consciously wish to, the vast majority of women won’t be able to truly empathize without experiencing subconscious distaste for your vulnerability - distaste which might well manifest as subconscious resentment in your girlfriend.

[–]reluctantly_red8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Unburden yourself to a therapist or a friendly bartender. Whatever you do don't tell your GF.

[–]simplyput252 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Naaa she will take advantage of you subconsiously .. share it with peers

[–]Fulp_Piction2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you thought about getting help?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell her but don't be too candid about it. Like don't be crying in front of her about why you're depressed or anything.

But it's good that she knows, so she can give you space at certain times and so on.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerNot a Negative Creep8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you can't trust your partner to be supportive of you when you aren't having the best time, you aren't with the right person. Good god the people on this sub are dysfunctional. Being in a relationship while having mental health issues isn't easy, but it's not as hard as the people here say. You just can't be a pathetic self-pitying sad sack piece of garbage.

Like honestly though, who gives a fuck. If you are taking care of yourself and want to get better, and you are happy with your progress, that is really all that matters. Everyone goes through shit are some point or another, you are defined by how you deal with it, not by just experiencing it.

For reference, I've been in a 5 year long LTR as a man who is on the autism spectrum and has on and off struggles with depression. I have always been pretty open about my struggles, but I also have never shown any reason to believe I cannot deal with them. Shit happens, that's life. If you can't deal with shit, get good. Despite my own struggles, I can confidently say that this has been a happy and rewarding relationship.

TL;DR: it isn't suffering from depression, it's failing to deal with it in a constructive manner

[–]oneprettycoolcat9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you don't want to fuck her anymore, sure.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (42 children) | Copy Link

Noooooo! Never share authentic feelings with a woman, its guaranteed pussy dessicant. You go around telling female significant other your feels, she’ll stop sleeping with you and give you something to be depressed about.

I dont care if your mom died or whatever, the instant you burden her with your negative emotions is the moment she starts to subconsciously despise and resent you. Damn you, dont you realize emotional dumping and venting is HER job?? What are you, trying to be the woman?

The best you can do in the wake of the funeral is shrug and be like “guess it was her time. Whaddya want for dinner? I was thinking salmon and wild rice.”

[–]BleachedJam10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Wow, I am so sorry for how other women have treated you for you to be giving this type of advice.

[–]DREADC0RSAIRNo Pill | Just Dead Inside16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This type of thing happens to many if not most men. Can you really blame them for adapting to how they've been treated?

[–]BleachedJam10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, I understand. Men have treated me incredibly poorly, and there was awhile where I acted differently because of it. I'm glad I met a man who was different from most and went back to myself.

I was being genuine. I am sorry this person was treated so poorly, I know how it feels.

[–]LethalShade4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't know who I agree with tbh but your optimism soothes my heart. Please be real and continue being a quality human being, I like you.

[–]frustrationlvl100-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not men in a good relationship built on trust.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont care if your mom died or whatever

A PSA for anyone reading here who has actually suffered a loss of this nature: Hospice has some excellent reading material on the stages of grief that may be of great help to you! No, you are NOT losing your mind; it's a process and you CAN work your way through it and be happy again.

When my first husband died, I went through a really rough period, but I didn't know anything about the grieving stages and just toughed it out. It was rough, though, and probably took a lot longer than if I'd had some guidance. When my mother passed, the Hospice people gave me a bunch of literature; I read it and it was like a light bulb going on in my head. So THAT'S what was up with all that! Much easier the second time around as I was equipped with some self-awareness. This was a very good thing as my father died 13 months later ...

[–]Friend-a-4letterword 1 points [recovered]  (34 children) | Copy Link

do you ever have a serious reply? This is what automod is for!

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

I am being dead serious, there has been a 1:1 correlation with me expressing negative feelings in my relationship and an increase in resentment/decrease in sex from my wife. Every single time i do it no matter how justified she reacts poorly, either leaving the room, or complaining or shutting me down. Even when i dared to do it in marriage counseling after a year of listening to her cry and bitch about her problems, she immediately lost interest in marriage counseling. Even when i do it at this sub, women dislike me. Think about that.

In male-female relationships, expressing feelings is the realm of women. Men simply arent allowed to do it. Anyone who says otherwise is misleading the op due to feminist "equality" indoctrination.

[–]historyhillBlue Pill Wife6 points7 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

Maybe you just have a bad relationship with your wife then?

[–]The3liGator4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

He obviously does, but the other women in this sub behave the same way, do we all have bad realtionships with them?

[–]NockerJoeKing Hater2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The problem isn't that red pill men act crazy. It's that the women who talk about red pill men invariably justify the behavior that drove them crazy while deciding them going crazy was the weird part.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the other women in this sub behave the same way

Remember, you're a stranger to them.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

Our relationship has actually improved a lot ever since I stopped trying to follow the advice of this subreddit (reds and blues) and started implementing the following:

  • No attempting to talk to her about it, or expecting her to care about me, help me, or listen to me whenever I have negative emotions or needs. That's emotionally burdening her. She is allowed to cry and vent to me about her day though.

  • No "pressuring" her for anything, be it helping me with errands, helping me with the chores, helping me with the kids, etc. Her time is her time. Instead I now hire a nanny and housekeeper for fear of her using the "too much mommy mode" card to escape sex

  • No expecting her to actually listen or put down her smartphone when I talk. Men talking = boring. She doesn't want to hear about my coding projects, what I've been up to with the boys, my side business, etc. I need to listen and pay attention and stare deeply into her eyes when she talks though. No male attention = excuse to not have sex

  • No expectation that my hitting the gym every other day, being in the best shape of my life, upgrading my wardrobe from what the other dads in my area wear (khakis, flannels and baseball cap), getting a better job, etc. will improve my sex life. Real men are supposed to be ok with 5 minute duty sex from their wives every other month, because expecting sex to actually be good/frequent is too much pressure.

So long as i stick to these rules, my relationship has been stellar.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No expectation that my hitting the gym every other day, being in the best shape of my life, upgrading my wardrobe from what the other dads in my area wear (khakis, flannels and baseball cap), getting a better job, etc. will improve my sex life. Real men are supposed to be ok with 5 minute duty sex from their wives every other month, because expecting sex to actually be good/frequent is too much pressure.

no, cheat

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Your marriage is doomed, long term.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

What makes you say that?

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Emotionally speaking, a human being is like a boiler. Your relationship as you describe it is plugging all the vents.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Huh. Well i do feel an intense pressure in my chest and shortness of breath whenever my wife is within 10 feet of me. Do you think thats a good sign? I mean at least its only physical pressure building up and not that emotional stuff

[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Dude... let me break it to you explicitly here. The first symptoms are emotional issues. When it migrates to physical symptoms you are headed for a critical meltdown. When it gets to pressure in your chest and shortness of breath you need to GTFO right now before you black out and wake up having done something you will regret.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Except you're seething with resentment. Why not just make a clean break of it and quit raising your kids in a toxic environment?

I used to actually tell my mother that she should divorce my dad, lol.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Did she?

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

After 40 miserable years!

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

:(

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

With all these things you still get sex only once a month. It's simpler and cheaper to pay for prostitutes.

[–]arcticshqip-1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Just try the opposite and treat her like a human.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Tried it. didnt get laid

[–]arcticshqip-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I mean for more than five minutes... and also, when both parents are working and have small kids might not be time for sex more couple of times a week. Even if she would like more.

Maybe you should really just talk to her like she is a person.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Well I do. I’m a person, and would love it if my wife would say “Lets go have hot monkey assgasm sex over there while the tv babysits our children in the next room”

[–]arcticshqip-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

But what do you do together? How do you make each other feel that you are companions, partners and best friends as well?

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerNot a Negative Creep4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think this is very well established from his posts

[–]historyhillBlue Pill Wife1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thought the first post was a hilarious satire...until the follow-up post.

[–]arcticshqip2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You really shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't discuss your feelings. That would be so hard to have partner that would never feel anything or share anything, like being married to a robot or stone. That would cause the relationship to end when the other person would be frustrated with just a shell of relationship.

[–]VermiciousKnidzzBlue Pill Man-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

having a partner with depression can be a tough thing. but telling people with depression to bottle it up and pretend they aren't sad is just about the worst advice you can ever give to someone with depression.

[–]sadomasochristnAWALT = Not red pilled6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Suffer in silence.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whiskey helps with this strategy

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh ghod no! That's how you end up in one of those "Hello, my name is ..." meetings.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷11 points12 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Mr blu has struggled with depression. So have I. So has pretty much everyone I know. This is not as big a deal as you all make it out to be.

Believe me, she already knows. You can’t date or live with someone and not know. And she’s still there. She may be waiting for you to acknowledge it.

[–]Kino_Afi12 points13 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

you cant live with someone and not know

Lol wat no thats like the basis of worsening depression in most youth, that nobody is noticing. Not everybody is a psych professional or reddit browser, yknow?

[–]warmestblack 1 points [recovered]  (16 children) | Copy Link

Women have a personality radar. They can just sense these things.

[–]Dash_of_islamBidet 4 Life>Toilet paper unwashed proles7 points8 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Tell that to women whose husband has a secret second family

Women are not goddesses

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Women have a betadar, she won't sense the depression, but if you're depressed she'll stop being attracted to you.

She won't sense having a second family because it doesn't make you beta afaik. :p

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Really, how do you look in the mirror and take yourself seriously?

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Could have asked you the same thing.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I love what I see in the mirror. So do my husband, child, friends. I’m here to fuck around and get a few laughs. You’re here because you need to blame the rest of the world for your own misery.

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Believe whatever you want :) but we look more alike than you would like.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Ok well then why are you so angry all the time?

[–]levicorps0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope what you're saying is true. I'd want him to be open and honest about it regardless.

[–]razenha3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not at first. Women usually drop their men at the first sign of trouble.

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[–]allweknowisD4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The irony of this sub whilst men constantly talk about mental illness in woman as “red flags” and to stay away

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

+9001

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

LOL at the “in my experience, women will dump you.”

Y’all ain’t got no experience with women so stop frontin. LMAO

[–]CRGRO0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Says who?

[–]MaaaaateVitamin C Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been through bouts of strong depression since my Mum died, and every girl I have confided in, gf or not, has abandoned me when I revealed that I am/was depressed. I'm not bitter about it. In fact, I understand that friends and some people want their friends/SO to be happy because someone who is not happy all the time is underappreciated and sometimes forgotten.

[–]binkerfluid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

any time i did she got angry with me or left me

[–]Dash_of_islamBidet 4 Life>Toilet paper unwashed proles1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

DONT TELL HER UNTIL YOU GET IT UNDER CONTROL

What we want is rarely what we think we want. Why else can't people stop excessive consumer consumption; always chasing that elusive happiness promised after 1 more purchase with 60 day money back Guarantee!

[–]Ithinkthatsthepoint1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol fuck no

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why not stop "managing" your depression and instead change your life so you're no longer sad?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It makes a man less attractive to me.

[–]CRGRO1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No.

She can't help you with YOUR struggles.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. She's your GF not your therapist. Get a therapist and start working on some serious self knowledge.

[–]rhyth71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have depression and most ppl are not understanding of it, the literally cannot fathom it. My exes tried to be supportive during the begginning but it wears on them. Best you can do is try to manage it with exercise and diet and maybe meds. You can disclose it but they will get tired of it.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Wtf. How have you managed to hide it for so long anyway? Of course you should tell.

I do tell even hookups I have issues here and there, but in a cheerful manner.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I do tell even hookups I have issues here and there, but in a cheerful manner.

That's hiding it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Nah, I go deeper if they wanna listen. Say, I’ve been reading about BPD lately...

There’s a huge difference between “well who is normal when you look closely? lol” and “I’m an incel, I hate women, woe is me”.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

No like, you asked "wtf how have you hidden it for so long" and then gave a perfect example of how easy it is to hide it, by pretending with a cheerful manner.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I’m telling them, and I don’t even have a clinical diagnostic.

OP sounds like he does and is somehow managing to hide it from a girlfriend for 2 years.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I’m telling them,

With a cheerful smile, implying that you aren't actually feeling it at all anymore.

[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re hiding it to some extent if you are masking the seriousness of your undiagnosed mental illness with cheer, suggesting it isn’t a big deal.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I may or may not be telling the truth. Some women like it in social settings.

OP is posting about a relationship.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

OP is posting about a relationship.

That part actually makes no difference. Men hide weakness from women all the time because women hate it.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Kinda. If an incel is looking for a mom and goes “woe is me and it’s all your fault”, yeah, that won’t work.

When it comes to mental or emotional issues, men judge much more, I’d much rather half-tell women than most guys I know.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

When it comes to mental or emotional issues, men judge much more, I’d much rather half-tell women than most guys I know.

You won't lose anything from men that you can't get anywhere else, though. Like some dude judges you, who gives a shit, just tell him to eat shit and die or punch him in the face or call his children ugly or something.

Women are the only place you can get pussy from.

[–]J_Milton_JrDon't open 'til doomsday...♥0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I do tell even hookups I have issues here and there, but in a cheerful manner.

why though? o.O

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why not? I have a general pessimistic outlook on life, I can’t suddenly change my tune. I try to make it somewhat funny. Also, it mostly works.

[–]J_Milton_JrDon't open 'til doomsday...♥0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why not?

Emotional exhibitionism just seems weird to me... but hey, you do you :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exhibitionism isn’t quite the idea. There are plenty of people who prefer a down to earth, no bullshit style.

“I have no problems and my life is perfect” is bullshit.

It also easily beats the “oh bb you so beautiful” canned shit.

Just gotta be unapologetic.

[–]guffynemo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its really easy to hide such things.

[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Women like strength and emotional resiliency. Go see a therapist or something.

[–]Belfura2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In all honesty, you should tell. It's important to tell your loved ones when you're dealing with something.

I do have to add though: the number of men on r/askMen who have made the observation that women lost their attraction to them as soon they opened up emotionally is not exactly small. Of course r/purplepilldebate will waive this away as a bunch of incels that were looking for a mom and failed to realise that a healthy relationship needs two adults, but I digress.

Regardless of the outcome, I think you have to tell her. Because right now, you're the one going through this. And regardless of what happens, this is about you.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No you should not tell her.

First of all, she's your girlfriend, not your wife.

Secondly, even if she was your wife, she's not your therapist. It's not her job to handle that.

I’m afraid she would see that weak side of me and no longer be sexually attracted to me.

Exactly what would happen. She will stop to see you as a hot man, and more as a sibling that needs to be fixed, and supported. You don't support a sibling with sex.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

My personal view is if you are serious about her then yes you should be open about it.

Don't confuse this as using her as your therapist, this will kill any sexual attraction fast.

But if you want a serious LTR with this woman, you cannot base it on lies. Well you can, but they will come out sooner or later.

I'm very open about this kind of shit, to everyone in general because I am against the stigma around mental illness and talking about it is the only true way to break that stigma, and it's not reduced my ability to get girls. I once picked up a girl by talking to her about being suicidal haha.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Girlfriends aren’t therapists obviously.

It’s pretty funny seeing a bunch of guys online flapping around “muh masculinity uh can’t show weakness”.

When you are unapologetic, you can make all sorts of shit work, like your example of talking about being suicidal. I have opened with all sorts of crazy shit, and some girls have approached me with even sillier pretexts.

I was reading months ago RP or incels going “woe is me”, over the fact they found out some guys are nursed back to health by their exes when they had issues. That’s kinda hard to believe, until I realized that was happening to myself. I had to actually tell her I had to deal with a shit sandwich, though. She brought me groceries and cooked for 2 months but that was getting old so she told me to move in for a month.

A couple weeks in, I re-reconnected (long story) with a friend and we realized we have always seen each other as more than friends, but I got married and whatnot. We were making plans but I felt a bit insecure as I’m walking with a limp and that won’t go away for maybe months. Perhaps I’d meet her with crutches even and that’s too much for a first date, right? Too pretty to be seen with a vulnerable guy. But I told her anyway and it was fine. I went straight from my ex’s place to meet her and it went well.

I’ve also told a girl I’ve been texting for a while the same and she’s like ok, we can try to make it work. The thing is, nothing would have happened had I followed the RP advice “never show weakness”.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Agree completely. Even more impressive you made it work with a physical illness tbh since that can't be hidden even superficially.

My current gf was literally nursing me through oxy withdrawals just a few months ago. She got me some codeine to help me taper and made me food and talked to me, watched films with me, and we of course banged too.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

It was a broken bone. It sucks but opioid withdrawal must be worse.

I figured I wanna bang this girl now and I can’t hide my issue, so might as well own it.

Fuck people, if they don’t like it they can walk.

But according to RP we don’t exist or are just making shit up.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Can't compare the two really (broken leg and opiate withdrawal) to be fair, it's apples and oranges.

But yeah the incels on here will hamster like mad to act like this can't happen.

The divorced MGTOW as well, because they think all women are as bad as their ex-wives.

And yeah you got RP telling guys this stuff and they distrust women and distance themselves in relationships over, what, some words on the internet, is crazy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The saddest thing is, most replies on this thread are basically telling the guy to hold a fart forever because that makes him look better.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most people believe that restraint is somehow morally honourable. Yet there is nothing honourable or strong about holding back your nature because you fear the opinion of others.

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is a really good way to put it. Living more authentically and as a result surrounding yourself with people who like your authentic self is far, far more honorable than hiding a critical feature of yourself because other people may not like you. I really like the way you put that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, that's high praise from you genuinely.

[–]Female_urinary_mazeWOMEN LIKE SEX.6 points7 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

I know you've already received pleanty of advice from armchair sexologist guys who think women are another species that can't empathize and are only attracted to fake invulnerability, but please for goodness sake don't listen to them. She's not the mysterious female species, she's a regular person who loves you. Wouldn't you want to know if she was depressed? I know it's hard to open up after you've been hurt, and it might be a painful comfort to tell yourself that there's no point and that women would be repulsed by your emotions, but ultimately that's just depriving yourself of a closer relationship.

[–]theiamsamuraiRavishment Realist12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Have many friends, and personal experiences where the guy opened up with his vulnerabilities and the girl lost sexual attraction towards him. Idealism about "everyone's a unique individual, especially women!" is nice and all, but it doesn't get the bills paid, and doesn't keep our balls empty.

[–]Crook56-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Herrrrreees the thing. 8/10 who ever opens up, they start to feel insecure about opening up. Then they let that insecurity plague their relationship, then turns around and blames them. Sure.. there are women who would instantly want to run from you, but do you really want to be dating someone that fickle? As long as you don’t go super overboard (where you never stop crying) most women will find your vulnerable side sexy.

[–]binkerfluid4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

just from my experience there is a difference between what we think or would like life/attraction to be like and what it actually is.

it may not apply to everyone but whenever I opened up women lost respect for me and treated me worse or split.

[–]Female_urinary_mazeWOMEN LIKE SEX.-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you've been through so much shit, but "guess they're all like that, better just learn to deal with it" isn't a healthy way to deal with the aftermath of dating abusive people. If you normalize it you keep settling for it and don't learn to recognize red flags.

[–]The3liGator4 points5 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Women are different than men = women are a different species? Are women attracted by a guy wearing lip stick?

[–]Female_urinary_mazeWOMEN LIKE SEX.-3 points-2 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

There's a big difference between having aesthetic preferences and having a preference against guys being vulnerable and human. All men experience vulnerability, therefore not liking men who are vulnerable would ultimately meen not liking men at all! It would mean we can't love like you can. That's kinda dehumanizing to say about women, but much more harmful to guys because you're telling them nobody will love their real selves.

[–]Nobodykers4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But it kinda is a fact that women are more likely to be repulses by weakness than men. Its just how it is. Men are more likely to be repulsed by promiscuity.

[–]binkerfluid1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

yeah well how do you think it feels when you are told to be yourself all your life and to open up and when you do you are treated badly and ditched?

I dont blame women its just likely part of evolution

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

I dont blame women its just likely part of evolution

Just date more reasonable women.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Just date more reasonable women.

Just find a unicorn.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

They are not unicorns. It's just TRP gives an advice to appear as a "strong" type and this attracts women who are attracted to that type of men.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

They are not unicorns.

I was referring to physically attractive women who are reasonable. AKA unicorns.

[–]rus9384Misanthrope0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

So, yeah, all attractive women are stupid.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Exactly.

[–]DownWeGoRabbit 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men are romantics pretending to be realists. Women are realists who pretend to be romantics. Show her your vulnerability and she will start to fantasize about monkey branching.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are the bottleneck of evolution. They are still attracted to traits that lost their utility when we emerged from caves. This is why much of the world arranges marriages. It makes for more progressive and stable societies.

[–]N0blesse0blige0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is just irresponsible fish to fisherman advice. Learn the basic distinction between how the world is and how you’d like it to be.

A man can show vulnerability towards his girlfriend, but it consumes – and certainly does not produce – her attraction towards him. He can only show vulnerability from a place of already abundant strength in terms of relative status to her.

But that’s already the kind of man you imagine being vulnerable towards his girlfriend. Attractive, successful, strong, secure, assertive, and showing a kind of vulnerability that is acceptable, even for a man. You don’t imagine a man trying to build or maintain attraction.

[–]Female_urinary_mazeWOMEN LIKE SEX.0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Comparing women to fish doesn't invalidate what I said, it just shows that you can make absurd comparisons. And accusing people of naivety doesn't make you right.

Anyway no, you didn't somehow read my mind and discern what kind of guy I was imagining. I'm a big fan of normal (in terms of fortitude and success) dudes. And their normal struggles do not "produce" or "consume" horniness, they just engender a sense of empathy and camaraderie.

[–]BleachedJam3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You know her best, how do you think she'd react? I think all women are different. My husband cries at silly Facebook videos of animals and kids and I think no less of him. He also has depression and has contemplated suicide before. I didn't think less of him for telling me this when we were dating.

But then again, all women react differently. Does she seem like the type to end it over something like this? And if she is, do you want to be with her? You should be with someone who supports you and helps you through depressive episodes.

So tell her, if she leaves she's doing you a favor.

[–]morristheaverage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for being one of the few people to post an actually healthy reply to this post.

[–]kandyapplezincel larping as a thot2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

um like every other dude in his 20s has ~ depression ~ or something , im sure most women in that age range would't even blink about it. however if you use disclosing your depression an excuse to "burst into tears at any second" then yes thats gonna damage her attraction to you

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

He needs to weight the options every time you show weakness to a woman. Each time you show weakness you decrease your own value by a lot and risk an end of the relationship. Also her behavior may be anything, from supportive to destructive.

You need to weight everything. Do you wanna do it or not? You probably know the chances better than me, so you tell me, is it worth the bet?

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Given my own experience with manic depression...he needs to get a hold of "struggling successfully". This is the absolute platform he must defend and work from 24/7. Not for her, but for all he is worth to himself.

It fucking annoys me greatly that his frame should be how it impacts HER. That will not be his avenue to salvation. NO WOMAN WILL BE.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do not understand entirely what you mean.

But my point is that one must be mindful of all causal relationships before making a decision.

Disclosing distress to a woman will affect his relationship with her, this fact will not change. Thus this action affects him.

I couldn't care less about the woman in this relationship, I am just saying he needs to be mindful of the causal relationships of such decision.

For example, in no moment in my past I would consider such action, I know I do not have that much of a SMV or RMV. And I know all my exes would make my life harder the moment I shown distress, like most did.

But he may have a bigger SMV/RMV, or he may have a unicorn with him, who knows? He may weight everything and make a rational decision.

[–]Aaren_AugustineWants a Cookie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

But my point is that one must be mindful of all causal relationships before making a decision.

I agree. My point is that these men need a starting position that will get them the most out of life. They might have to actively exclude women in order to see that done. I don't give a shit about his RMV or SMV because this discussion is beyond and in exclusion of women's input.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is up to him to consider or not maintaining the relationship. If he wants to continue, he may as well consider what she will do. As you may already know, women are prone to making things worse if not well considered in decisions.

[–]etompis3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

My ex had really bad depression and I did everything to support him in any way I could. He wasnt a less of a man when he cried. I loved him the same and appreciated that he could be vulnerable and trust me. Being honest will only strenghtnen your relationship.

[–]The3liGator6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why did you break up then?

[–]etompis-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He didnt see this working out long term. We have different values. So he ended it.

[–]DownWeGoRabbit3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your Ex.

OP has his answer right here. Maintain your frame if you want to keep her around. As for the depression, he should find a guy friend to confide in.

[–]etompis-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He ended it for different reason. I loved that man alot.

[–]heyman00 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

"Being honest will only strenghtnen your relationship."

relationship ends

[–]etompis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There was different reasons. Honesty, trust and respect are so important in a relationship to keep it healthy and happy. Sometimes to keep both people happy and healthy in long term they have to break up.

[–]Bntt891 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No just go to the therapist, regardless your gf will notice if you have true depression. But regardless it's just how it works you show weakness the women will lose attraction. Many will say yes but it isn't true.

[–]MrHerbSherman🤠 howdy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would talk about it like it’s something that i used to deal with along time ago but that id beaten

Then I’d act like that as well

People love those kind of cheesy narratives

[–]crystal_wb20F PPW0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell her.

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m afraid she would see that weak side of me and no longer be sexually attracted to me.

Emphasis: the part you should work on.

There are many possible outcomes of you telling her, including that she just doesn't pay any attention because the word "depression" has been overused outside of its clinical meaning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m depressed, have been for many years. I am on medication, and I have honestly told my gfs. They didn’t care, because it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any help for it, or trying. Would I still get sad and have episodes? Sure, but it’s about how you manage your depression. As long as it doesn’t feel like a burden, they won’t care.

[–]top_footballer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What if the relationship is cause for depressive episodes? A relationship that's too good to leave and too bad to stay?

[–]wageovsin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Clinical diagnosis? Are you currently seeing any professionals. Telling her should be in the context of you doing something about it. Also have you guaged her views on mental illness and people on medication in general. Because some people think bad of everyone with past mental issues, and people treating them with SSRIs etc. Others may be more forgiving depending on if you are managing it. Clinical diagnosis and doing something about it is important its much more likely to be treated as a medical illness with professionals involved. and she wont blame herself. Or think your choosing to be sad or doing it for pity

[–]LancerKagatoReactionary0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dont ever, I have some minor physical disabilities. I walk with a limp often, I have constant unceasing pain from neuropathy that can get pretty intense and I occasionally fall due to the neuropathy and muscle autoimmune disorder I developed while doing something in the military. Women don't touch me for anything long term.

Show zero weakness nowadays or you're screwed

[–]nofap20100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why would you want to be in a relationship where you can't even be yourself long term? Why would you want to punish yourself like that? How can that be even remotely alpha? This is what's alpha, being completely yourself and nexting if the person you're with looks down upon you for that. Willingness to lose and being okay with it is alpha. Your relationship is an extension of you and not the other way around. You'll naturally be alpha to women by your willingness to be alone and not giving into the social programming. This is called holding frame, when you're reality prevails nut the imposed reality.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No

[–]DrFreethink0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes.

[–]jenovajunkieNot Your Average MRA0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, great move; ask the internet about how to deal with your mental health.

[–]ms_vritra0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd say it depends on your relationship and her character, it's impossible for a stranger on the internet to say. I'm a woman so judge me as you like.

Personally I don't see depression, sadness, crying etc as weakness, everyone suffers differently and I don't believe holding stuff back is the right way. If she never struggled with something similar she might be less understanding but I'm the opposite, I very rarely connect with people who've never suffered and generally work best with people as fucked up as myself. People who I have to hide parts of myself from or who don't open up to me usually don't work, and that goes for both men and women, and all kinds of relationships.

I've had several relationships end because of my mental health, and it's been really rough. I'm still broken from the last two (one friendship and one romantic relationship close together in time) but I'd rather be alone than trying to hide my struggles. Only you can answer what you value most, and have a chance to judge the probabilities given her personality.

[–]grand_tiremasterjust curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you talked to a doctor and been prescribed medication? You don't need to talk to a psychiatrist. Any doctor will do, tell them you're depressed and anxious, and you will be prescribed effexor.

[–]Suck-Less0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Find someone else to talk to. Do not suppress it. Therapist or good friend, you need to talk. Don’t make the mistake of thinking women can process this and still be sexually attracted to you. I wouldn’t even tell her about the therapist.

I have never seen this workout. I’m sure it can, but it is dam rare. Women have serious issues with their man being human.

[–]Reus958Blue Pill Man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been revealing my crippling anxiety with my gf over the last few years. It was only in the last few months that shes seen me completely break down in front of her. We've only grown closer for it.

Shes a pretty traditional girl in some ways, so her expectations of her man to he stoic might be higher than average.

The truth is, suffering from depression like you are, you have already hurt her in some ways and will continue to, and the more you hide it the more hurt it will cost.

Not only that, though: without support from your loved ones, your depression will continue and you'll struggle to be who you want to be. If she can't support you emotionally in a time of need, she doesn't deserve you.

She'll probably be more attracted to you for your vulnerability and emotionally raw state. She'll love you more for the trust you are showing. Plus she'll understand your behaviors of avoidance and withdrawal and be less turned off at them and feel less guilt.

So tell her. You don't have to explore everything at once, and unless shes been depressed there are many things she won't understand, but if you two are a good fit for each other this is a barrier to work over. Don't worry about the red pill theories or the blue pill counter jerk and just be present and honest with your gf

[–]shonenhikada0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women do not care about men's concerns or desires. Men who show weakness or break of strong male stereotype are quickly discarded and seen as weak. Women will only tolerate weakness if it is in a setting that she thinks is appropriate. Always remember, women do not see men as people but as resources/actors.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't even wanna see you talking us about it

[–]morristheaverage3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Well is he allowed to mention it anywhere?

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He is allowed the to mention it anywhere he wants to but he cannot guarantee that other people will respond to it in the way he wishes.

In my experience with people who are obsessed with their own depression, that is all they talk about all they think about, it is their precious. They are 100% self involved, they have no concern with how they're disgusting loser moods makes the other people around them feel. they are intolerable nobody wants to be around them and they should not inflict themselves on anyone

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerNot a Negative Creep2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Basically what I say but with way less tact lol.

[–]pngmafia97my type is chadcucks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman-1 points0 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

I'll be honest, it depends on the frequency. I'm quite empathic and I don't have any problems listening to his struggles, as long as he's not crying/venting/being suicidal the majority of the time. I'm in a relationship with a guy like that for years now and I feel like I'm falling out of love. Of course there's others factors in play, but him being negative 99% of the time is making ME depressed.

[–]Kino_Afi3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There ya have it folks. Were allowed to be depressed, but not too depressed. Suck it up, pussy!

[–]The3liGator-2 points-1 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

OP, this should tell you why you can't have a lasting relationship if you open up.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

He can open up. My point is that he shouldn't be like that 24/7. No one likes that. It saps the other person's energy.

[–]suberEEBlue Pill Man0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

At one point, short before slitting my wrists, I stayed in bed for three days. All the energy I had was used for shitting, pissing and drinking. I wasn't eating, I lost five kilos in two weeks. Do you think I did that for shits and giggles? Do you think that while sliding down to that state it's helpful to hear "you can't be like that 24/7, nobody likes that"?

Would you tell somebody with cancer "you can't be like this all day, it's not fun and I don't feel nice watching you like that"? Because, you know, you're about as likely to survive leukemia as depression.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I'm talking about negative people. People who tried drowning themselves to manipulate you. People who drive fast and recklessly with you in the car. People who actually overdosed on pills and alcohol because you were busy with school/work. People who post self-pitying posts in social media. People who can get over their "depression" but choose not to and like the attention. It gets tiring and stresses others emotionally. If you really have depression, work on overcoming it and don't expect anyone to be your nurse/parent/lifeline/etc. We ALL have problems and the depressed ones can't expect to depend on others for salvation. We can help but not at the cost of our own mental wellbeing.

Oh and cancer doesn't have a cure, depression can be treated if you really set your mind to it and actually improve on those areas that cause it.

[–]suberEEBlue Pill Man0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

You are conflating extreme manipulators with actually depressed people. Don't do that. It's ignorant and it's offensive.

And there is no known cure for major depression either. It can be managed, but as of now there's only hope that it passes by itself. Often it doesn't. I'd give my right eye to actually feel joy again in anything I do or experience, but...

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

And how do you differentiate between an extreme manipulator and a depressed person? It's almost impossible. Better safe than sorry.

[–]suberEEBlue Pill Man0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

What you described has nothing to do with my experience with depression, nor with anyone else who I met while getting help for it. Do your research. You can start with this (credit to u/NonRock)

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh no honey, I know plenty about depression. What I described is part of my boyfriend's history with depression. There's quite a thin line for some people between being an expert manipulator and being depressed. I'm not talking about you specifically.

[–]suberEEBlue Pill Man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not your honey. And your boyfriend was a prick. His crappy character has nothing to do with his mental health and I don't appreciate your attempts to excuse him through putting us all in the same basket.

[–]The3liGator-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

To me, that shows how only the kibd of depression that is sexy is allowed.

What should he do if he is sad and depressed 24/7?

[–]hiilive 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get professional health

[–]The3liGator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In the meantime, what should he be doing in his relationship?

Depression doesn't go away after two therapy sessions.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Another person commented how depression is a lack of meaning, which stems from a lack of goals (in summary it's laziness manifested) and I truly agree with that, it's what I'm observing in my relationship. I've tried helping him in any way possible but he doesn't want to make things better for himself having all the answers in front of his nose. With our history and how he acts, I'm starting to think it's attention seeking behaviour and manipulation tactics. That's what I don't like and it's growing us apart.

[–]The3liGator-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Another person commented how depression is a lack of meaning, which stems from a lack of goals (in summary it's laziness manifested)

He must be a great dude. That isn't what depression is though.

I've tried helping him in any way possible but he doesn't want to make things better for himself having all the answers in front of his nose.

Yep, sounds like depression alright.

With our history and how he acts, I'm starting to think it's attention seeking behaviour and manipulation tactics. That's what I don't like and it's growing us apart.

Maybe, but if you're like any other woman (AWALT). You most likely chose to interpret it that way, and resented his weakness.

Again, you've proven TRP right. No man should never open up to his gf,lest he end up like your ex.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's not my ex. We've been together for 5 years and counting. You don't have any idea how it affects the other person's mental state. A lover is not supossed to be your psychiatrist/nurse/parent. We each have our own problems, it's unfair to dump your negativity on the other person 24/7. You gotta solve your own problems instead of not doing anything about it and cursing the world.

[–]Autistic_ReeeeeeeeeeRed Pill Man-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Never.

But she probably already knows. Unless you are good at hiding it.

If you are depressed do something about it.

Depression stems from lack of meaning.

Lack of meaning stems from lack of goals.

Lack of goals stems from laziness.

Unless you have had extreme trauma in your life your depression is simply laziness manifest.

Women don't like depressed guys with mental issues.

They will only be supportive up until a point and showing this weakness will completely degrade the relationship.

If you can't sort this out yourself see a therapist.

Walk in there, tell the prick you are depressed. Say you have little money and time to deal with it. Say you don't want medication. tell him/her (preferably him) what is wrong. Say you don't want to make this a regular thing.

Take his/her advice with a grain of salt. Go see another one. Repeat this until you finally realise nobody actually has the answers you need to hear.

Find a purpose. Commit yourself to it. Bring your girl along for the ride.
Stop wallowing in self pity.

Even if you did go through a trauma this is still the best course of action.

I know depression can sometimes be linked to actual brain function and therefore some people can't do this.

This is very rare though. This is probably not the case with you.

Even if it was who cares. This is still the best course of action.

[–]playful_mythPink Pill Woman-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This! This right here deserves gold.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. POTD.

I have never met anyone who was "depressed" (outside of grief or trauma) whose life wasn't a clusterfuck in some way. Yeah, if I had your life, I'd be "depressed," too.

IMO, the pills simply allow people to go on living in a disordered state without caring about it so much. They don't solve the underlying cause of the unhappiness, though.

The solution is to tackle your problems and solve them. First step, when you find yourself in a hole, is to stop digging.

[–]flyinghorse1-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, even though it will change how she sees you. The only reason is she will find out one day anyway if you spend your lives together. Perhaps don't build it up but tell oher there have been a few periods in your life where you've had it, but right now you've got it together. In that way, you've been honest and she's been forewarned. If you two are in love I don't think it will hinder you much at all.

[–]Nobodykers-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't. Even my dumbass mom gets angry at me when i have a depression episode. So based on just that i wouldnt tell a gf ever, even tho my mom could just be an egocentric bitch (which she is)

[–]jonascf-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should tell her about your struggle. But also let her know you're aware that you're the only one that can fix your problem and you won't expect her to fix you.

[–]admiral_snugglebutt-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here's the thing: however well you think you're hiding it, you are not hiding it even close to that well. The most likely scenario is that she definitely knows something is wrong and she's just like "I wonder why he did that?" You would not be revealing this to her, so much as giving her an explanation for dumb stuff you've been doing that she already knows about. It would only make being in a relationship with you less frustrating.

[–]throwaway_cuz_anon-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think definitely tell her. I hate that men often hide their feelings and thinking my bf could suffer without telling me makes me very upset.

I don't know why so many people advice you to hide it, I think any woman who thinks less of you for that or might leave you shouldn't be your girlfriend. Not worth it.

I would never think less of my boyfriend for such a thing.

[–]The_Lone_Apple-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Short answer: You should be honest with those who love you.

You think having depression is a sign of weakness? You think feeling emotions is a sign of weakness? They are not. Having no control of your emotions might be problematic if you allow them to dictate the course of your life and have them guide your decisions.

I've suffered with depression my whole life - I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which often makes me swing between intense feelings of emotion. The problem was that I suffered in silence for too many years. I drank as a way of anesthetizing pain. I sought out meaningless sex for the same reason. I raged at everything and everyone. I was a mess. Things didn't change for me until a went and got help. I found a therapist who I really liked and who listened without judging me (well -- maybe a couple of judgments on occasion). She helped me understand what was going on and to create techniques to not allow me to behave like I was just a piece of wood being carried along by the flow of a river.

One thing that did help me was that I told my partners about my issues. Not one of them -- not ONE -- rejected me because of it. It made them feel closer because I revealed my deepest darkest secret. It made us closer. Truth be told, a person who WOULD reject you is not worth having in your life. They don't deserve you.

[–]themoderationPeople Over Pill-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Comments here are truly sickening. You are suffering and part of a LTR is supporting each other through hard times. If you can’t talk to your girlfriend about real stuff then you’re missing out on the best parts of a relationship.

My dad is a general, married over 30 years to a gorgeous woman...he cries at extreme make over home edition. If your girlfriend is the kind of person who can’t handle a man cry, then she’s a garbage partner and you’re better off.

[–]FlexForJesus-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would tell her. If she doesn't love and support you through it then you're better off without her since she's not the right person for you.

If on the other hand she replies to your honesty with understanding and your bond grows even stronger then it's a win.

I see being honest with this as a win-win situation either way. Got it?

[–]donkeydodoI think, therefore I am - No pill, only human-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depends on the quality of the girl really

[–]VermiciousKnidzzBlue Pill Man-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m afraid she would see that weak side of me and no longer be sexually attracted to me.

maybe she wont, maybe she'll be supportive of you seeking help and your life will improve. wouldnt that be great?

people that arent supportive of their partner's struggles arent worth dating. you deserve help and happiness OP, and you deserve someone who is on your team 100%.

your first priority is your own happiness and having a supportive partner is pretty tied into that imo.

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you want the relationship to last? You gotta tell.

Depression is going to affect your behaviour, and if your partner has no explanation for it, it will look like you're being weird for no discernible reason. She'll either figure it out herself or wrongly assume you're just strange, distant, and hard to read.

I'll be blunt. If your girl ditches you because you're """weak""", you deserve 100x better than her. She also deserves for her partner to not assume she will be cruel and unloving.

You can't hide this forever. You're going to have an emotional outburst at some point if you stifle it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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