TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

34

Question for RedPillDo women always lose attraction? (self.PurplePillDebate)

submitted by jkonrad

In this post, RP Man Mr. Cross tells us that the more a woman gets to know him, the less attracted she becomes. I found this to be a remarkable admission and, if true, could go quite a ways towards explaining the predicament TRP men are in that gives rise to some of your conclusions regarding the SMP.

TRP: Does his description line up with your own experiences?


[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew67 points68 points  (35 children) | Copy Link

sexiness and comfort are antagonistic. any overbalancing of romantic comfort can diminish pure sexual attraction. time and habituation diminishes attraction for both parties. its impossible to live together and age together and sustain pure raw attraction. i cant understand why this isnt intuitive

[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It’s intuitive for men who have actually dated women.

[–]praisethesun799Not actually a fag 😉4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

THANK YOU, this should be said in almost every thread like this 🙄

[–]IncomeByEtnicityCleansing White America of its English/Scottish Peril0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s intuitive for men who have actually dated women.

Bit of an error here. It should read:

It's intuitive for inferior, broken men who have dated women*

[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No

[–]mwait3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

i cant understand why this isnt intuitive

Humans are remarkably efficient at lying to themselves. It would challenge the foundation or our relationships and social conventions to take this part of our nature seriously. Think of a marriage contract with a time limit or a review stage after X years. Even if men were concerned about losing their kids at review time, women would be reluctant if their source of provision was at risk.

[–]IncomeByEtnicityCleansing White America of its English/Scottish Peril0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Humans are remarkably efficient at lying to themselves.

I agree. Especially when it comes to divorced MGTOW losers who blame marriage for their own inability to keep a wife.

[–]flikibucha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Blame marriage for their own inability to keep a wife?

That sentence doesn’t totally make sense cause marriage implies wife being kept. Brad Pitt and Nelson Mandela both got divorces/

[–]jkonrad-Pill[S] 9 points10 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Soooo don't over comfort. And don't be "best friends" or whatever other non-romantic rubbish is recommended these days.

(Haha nice flair)

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew23 points24 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

right, when in doubt err on the side of attraction, not comfort. even just a 2/3rds rule helps men

you cant avoid giving comfort entirely, its the glue that olds the relationship together, just dont slide into yes-dear door-mattery or asking her permission from everything

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas10 points11 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

While this is solid RP advice , I would advise that some women simply wil not compromise on large amounts of comfort and would prefer that to raw sexual attraction . These women may just prefer betas altogether and generally are low sex drive, there’s no real winning with them for RP men. I’m starting to suspect my gf may be one of these , p sure she mostly has sex because I want to, so hard to bring enough beta to the table lol

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

they do "prefer" it for relationships, these end up being lower sex relationships or like yousaid ones where theres a LOT of duty sex

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Tbh a lot of rpw seemed t boil down to “how do I duty sex my comfortable beta”

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

"Dont wait til you're in the mood to do it, do it til you're in the mood"

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Saw this do many times lol

[–]flikibucha2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Shit...

How do you watch out for this?

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not totally sure tbh. The cold reality is that TRP is giving you a set of tools but even with that the risks are huge lol

[–]Uncommon_Sense_12345 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

I require a very high level of what RP terms "beta" comforts. I prefer beta, not pushovers, but men who adhere to TRP/MRP would not give me the emotional safety foundation I need to bond.

With that said, sex is high on my list. I suspect there are more women like me but we are not believed on pill affiliated subs so it's a "why bother attitude".

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You aren’t believed because we never encounter you in the field . I believe other things women say here tho

[–]Uncommon_Sense_12345 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Probably because some women like me are rather reserved towards men due to being shy and introverted. When single I never put out a flirty vibe but a good girl vibe.

But I have a limited sex experience due to marrying young. The whole lack of sex and lack of passion does not resignate with me. But like I said, why bother replying when you won't be believed.

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah we live in different worlds, most of y’all marry or paid off early like you said so the rest of us never encounter you . You stick to your inner circles for dating how would we know you exist? Lol

[–]jackandjill22Red Pill misanthropic, contrarian1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hm.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

so hard to bring enough beta to the table lol

Yeah -- you'll always run out of money before she's satisfied.

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL she isn't after my money, she paid for all our outings for almost a full year until I was finally employed. She just wants excessive amounts of comfort

[–]flikibucha0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Comfort to me means trust and security and the freedom to love without fear. What’s the point if a man can’t have those?

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you can have those. you cant have those AND consistent hot porn lust sex

[–]betanoire2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But does time and habituation really diminish attraction for both parties? You don't think it's possible an average young man would be completely fine with settling for a pretty wife who cooks, cleans, and tends to the children, and at the end of a couple years still maintain a raw desire to fuck her brains out? Seems unlikely. I could actually see a vast majority of men being okay with such a scenario. You know, if it's not their wives who are really losing the raw attraction.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do people not know this today? Its baffling. This was common life knowledge before.

[–]IncomeByEtnicity 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Its impossible to live together and age together and sustain pure raw attraction

Wrong. But I understand how it can be true for your bottom rung Jewish Self. I also understand how this TRP idea began with your Parent's divorce

sexiness and comfort are antagonistic.

By that logic, people who are uncomfortable with each other have great sex. The more TRP speaks, the more they reveal how little, Incels understand sex

i cant understand why this isnt intuitive

It is because it isn't intuitive, because it isn't true for the unbroken. To a guy on the wheel chair, the shower head mount will always be too high. And he, just like you can't understand why the obscure design where the shower head is mounted next to the tap isn't intuitive.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in a week.

What's wrong with you

I'm not a 24 year old incel man, I'm an old married women of long and varied experience

Whats this ad hominem act you pull?

You are wrong. Yes, "discomfort" ie, fear, insecurity, mystery etc makes for hotter sex than comfort. Comfort diminishes attraction

Have you ever lived with someone for 8-10 years or more?

Nothing you're saying is true or even coherent

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You have been warned. Take another break and consider how much more peaceful your life would be without this sub.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How about if he's gone a few months out of every year leading war parties or doing crime boss or warlord shit?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

"Brb darling just going on my annual warlord crime boss retreat."

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He could just go work in Alaska for a couple of months every year.

[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you like the fact your partner has clean teethe and good hygiene?

Do you want to watch your partner wipe his/her ass and floss his/her teethe?

Seeing how the sausage is made makes people hesitant to buy the hotdog.

[–]planejaneRemove head from sphincter, THEN type.5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Probably one of the better illustrations of this point purely because the image made me chuckle a bit.

[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do what I can

[–]gattaca_19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

How many times do you rewatch the same porn video?

Even your most favorite fantasy porn in the world will get old eventually.

Sexual attraction decreases with every exposure (regardless of whether it's porn or a person); that's how we're wired.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This applies to men too

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I personally feel like I’m unhealthily attached to certain porn, and new stuff appears less. Eventually it dies off tho

[–]washington_breadstixM'gtow2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The Coolidge effect.

[–]Nobodykers1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I rewatch a lot of the same porn tbh.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Porn doesn't change though. People do (sometimes to their detriment). Sex does. If you crave variety with other partners, maybe you're not meant to be monogamous. But if you crave variety with the same partner, that's workable.

[–]deadsandsushi2 1 points [recovered]  (47 children) | Copy Link

Familiarity breeds contempt. My ideal relationship would be no cohabitation and seeing each other twice a week tops.

[–]GridReXXit be like that14 points15 points  (36 children) | Copy Link

I agree though I don’t know a person who would accept those terms in a marriage.

[–]NalkaNalkayou call it virtue, I call it cowardice8 points9 points  (32 children) | Copy Link

It's funny that there are so many people of both sexes that would be a lot better off living that way but they think it's unconscionable.

[–]OfSpock15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Some of us actually like our spouses. And want to have sex more than twice a week.

[–]NalkaNalkayou call it virtue, I call it cowardice4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Good for you. Have a cookie.

[–]OfSpock21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I'll eat it after sex.

[–]NalkaNalkayou call it virtue, I call it cowardice5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpock4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXit be like that5 points6 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

I actually liked in the SATC movie both Carrie and Big wanted to keep their old homes after the marriage.

Mostly because NYC living is small and so the only place they both had respective refuge that was for them by them was their old apartments.

Space is okay.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!1 point2 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

Satc really? Lol

[–]kandyapplezborn in '91 👸 💅2 points3 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

girls like and reference satc like the bible, get over it!!!

[–]GridReXXit be like that3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

🤷🏽‍♀️ Lmao not going to pretend I don’t enjoy basic teevees sometimes to impress the Redditors

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy Link

Only a few girls and only on reddit. I suppose an old ugly haggard menopausal woman landing the top guy they literally call mr big would be aging future cat ladies fantasy. That does make sense. I also don't hang out with aging future cat ladies..

Wait actually I do know a girl who loves this juvenile garbage in RL! And she is actually getting married at 38 years old! She's getting married to her first boyfriend who is also 38. They decided to get married because better than them both being cat people who die alone.

[–]NalkaNalkayou call it virtue, I call it cowardice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only a few girls and only on reddit.

In what universe is SATC only referenced on reddit of all places?

[–]kandyapplezborn in '91 👸 💅4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

wait, let me get this straight...you think women only references satc on REDDIT?

that's rich. the most basic common denominator series for any woman aged 20 - 40 and you think it only comes up on dweeby reddit wow , its no wonder some of you struggle so much with female nature

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Meh to be fair I've never heard women talk about SATC in real life. Then again maybe they just don't tend to reference it when they're talking with men around idk. Or maybe it's just before my time. Most of PPD is older than me (am early 20's).

[–]kandyapplezborn in '91 👸 💅2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

its a girl thing. why would we talk about it with men who don't watch it. i'm sure there are things you discuss with your guy friends that girls aren't that familiar with

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!-1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

No sorry Becky not every girl is basic. Maybe every one of your friends is but most girls aren't. And they don't fantasize about hitting menopause then landing Mr best guy in the universe. They mostly fantasize about fifty shades of grey stuff. You know Mr big only he nabs them young then beats them up and psychologically dominates them.

[–]kandyapplezborn in '91 👸 💅3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

no one said anyone fantasizes about what happens in the show, just that everyone has seen it and talks about it. i think i know more about what girls talk about than you do, seeing as you think sex and the city is a niche topic only brought up among redditors ...that's truly the hottest take ive ever seen on here

[–]GridReXXit be like that0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

?

I related to that aspect.

[–]Tishkaminx3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, I don't get it. I want my space. My home. I don't ever want to be married, so there is that. I think paying two mortgages is a small price to pay for my space. If a guy doesn't want that, then he's not the guy for me. Oh well. I get that I'm in the minority - lots of people don't understand not wanting to be around thier partner all the time, but at the same time I have a hard time understanding why someone would want to be around thier partner all the time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get a duplex and it's only one mortgage.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get a job that takes you out of town a lot.

[–]nizo5052 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I swear this is what keeps my brother married (he's in the Air Force and gets stationed away from his family occasionally).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Me

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ideal relationship would be no cohabitation and seeing each other twice a week tops.

Me too. A reason for that is when you're doing that, you both expect sex as par for the course. Living together throws that schedule off.

The thing is that, for example, you can halve your rent by cohabiting. So it's pros and cons.

[–]damaskrose 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

While I wouldn't want separate homes, I think there's something to be said for maintaining some level of distance in a relationship. There's 2 components of sex, anticipation and release. When sex is always available, there's no anticipation, and sex becomes boring and perfunctory like masturbation.

[–]Tishkaminx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this. But I'd prefer separate homes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men need to learn how to tease their women. Make her wait for it, work for it, but never make her feel unwanted. She should feel like you want to fuck her, but can't. Don't try to fuck her at home. Instead take her to a public place where sex is logistically impossible, and get her all turned on. She'll be the one jumping your bones when you get home.

Yeah, actually, this would work 100%.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean that's great when you are 21 years old and have no idea how relationships work. It isn't so great when you are thirty.

[–]Tishkaminx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Completely and utterly agree. Cannot agree with this more strongly. I said this in a discussion just the other day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Have you locked that dynamic down yet?

[–]Zorc_the_PorkRed ENTP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seeing each other three times per week is the sweet spot for me. But you are correct it is much easier maintaining attraction if you don’t cohabitate

[–]whichbladeNA Paler Shade of Purple10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, a little, but attraction gets replaced by devotion.

[–]Eartherry21 points22 points  (58 children) | Copy Link

That makes sense. RP men often use deception to attract women. The more she gets to know him, the more clear it becomes that she was lied to, the more likely it is that she eventually breaks it off.

[–]reluctantly_red6 points7 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

RP men often use deception to attract women.

Why would you think this?

[–]Eartherry2 points3 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

RP is all about self-improvement, or rather, becoming someone men believe will attract women rather than who they actually are.

[–]Cho_AssmilkArrogant RP S.O.B.8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Most RP I talk to have one thing in common. They went down this road to get more pussy, but regardless of their success in that field, they're considerably happier in all walks of life due to pure/natural confidence.

Also...

who they actually are

This is a crock of shit. I'm not who I was last year and I won't be who I am right now next year. People use phrases like this drag people down and diminish their success; usually becuase they're too lazy to better themselves.

[–]EminemLovesGrapesSpongebob1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"Being a lazy piece of shit who never achieved anything in life" "I'm finally being myself"

Said no on ever.

I think that becoming confident, lifting, developing hobbies and friends etc etc would show their real self a lot more than doing nothing.

[–]Cho_AssmilkArrogant RP S.O.B.3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. The hobbies the participate in, clothes they choose to wear and people the choose to socialize with are a representation of who they really wanna be; showing their real self

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think that what people want changes, and that's normal. I think that TRP tries to pump it out like a self help factory though and that's not going to work long term for most people. Just like women reading self help/pop psychology aren't magically going to turn into better, happier people. TRP works for some people who are naturally inclined to fit its bounds and at ease with the tools, but for others it feels forced - unnatural. And for those people, keeping up the 'show' for decades is just not tenable & might actually be actively harmful if they realize it's been a 'deception' (this is how midlife crisis happens).

Just realize that what might feel easy/worthwhile to you won't to someone else. And that doesn't make them a lesser person or a 'beta' or whatever the fuck.

[–]Cho_AssmilkArrogant RP S.O.B.1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I need to emphasize more in posts that when I say RP, it's not synonymous with TRP. While TRP has some good stuff, there is a lot of circle jerking fluff to sift through.

Just realize that what might feel easy/worthwhile to you won't to someone else. And that doesn't make them a lesser person or a 'beta' or whatever the fuck.

I believe you need to be somewhat of a takenno shit, natural leader, asshole type person for it to work long term.

[–]galvaobueno19 1 points [recovered]  (13 children) | Copy Link

That's more like PUA using routines, remembering lines and having tricks up his sleeve. When you ingrain the Red Pill mindset, you won't have to retort to tricks.

[–]Eartherry9 points10 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I'm convinced that RP ideology is just teaching men how to be narcissistic. Normal people can't be narcissistic. It's not in their nature. They will break down eventually.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Normal people can't be narcissistic. It's not in their nature.

Lmao.

Everyone is narcissistic to a degree.

The same is true of most mental disorders really. Everyone gets depressed or anxious to a degree. It only gets diagnosed as a disorder if it affects your functioning.

Similarly, while only a small percentage has NPD, everyone has a level of narcissistic personality traits.

[–]peacockpartypantsI like popcorn8 points9 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Everyone is narcissistic to a degree.

I get the feeling /u/Eartherry wasn't referring to the healthy kind of narcissism you're talking about. Rather, I can see how normal people with an actual moral compass can't be malignantly narcissistic without, as they put it, eventually breaking down. Someone doesn't have to be full on NPD to be a horrible, abusive human being.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

You're moving the goalposts here, the poster I'm replying to didn't use so many qualifiers. They just said "Normal people can't be narcissistic." Direct quote.

We seem to be in agreement that is an incorrect statement unless you add qualifiers to it.

[–]peacockpartypantsI like popcorn4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure how it's "moving the goalposts". It just seemed blatantly obvious from my perspective that their reference to narcissism was being used in its negative context. If it's healthy narcissism, it would be in their nature. If it's healthy narcissism, suggesting someone would eventually mentally break down from being narcissistic doesn't make sense if they're within a normal range of narcissism.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Well yes narcissism already has negative connotations, no one is disputing that. Do you think most people are free of negative personality traits or something? Most people simply don't have them to enough of an extent to qualify for a disorder, but the underlying traits are pretty universal.

[–]ifeelfuckingterrible1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

who they actually are

What the hell does this even mean? You are what you do.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

RP is all about self-improvement

How is this deception?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think of it like any self help. Some of it works, some of it doesn't, and you have to be in the right mental space to really believe it/use it anyways. If it doesn't work for you and you try to force it, you end up living a deception. People can't 'make' themselves believe stuff they don't.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Women use deception all the time too. Men have no monopoly on lying and fraud to get what they want.

[–]Eartherry1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

But men still desire women, and are usually not above ignoring her faults if it means he can keep having sex with her. Men can't get away with this. Because women need neither assured access to sex nor any kind of support, she'll have nothing keeping her in a relationship based on lies.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

You’d be surprised

And women need support. I’ve never met a “strong independent woman” yet who didn’t rely on a man in one way or another.

[–]Eartherry2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

You assume that if a woman is with a man it's because she needs him. Men these days, and to a lesser extent children, are luxury items. Nice to have but not necessary, even harmful if one can't afford to maintain it.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm not assuming anything. I'm reporting to you what I see. I thought what I wrote was clear.

An example: Woman with 3 kids, divorced. Working as some kind of personal trainer and helping run a gym. Gets pinched for DUI; ex husband has to bail her out so he can relieve the baby sitter, gets the kids. She loses her job because her license is gone. She has to move back in with her parents, loses custody of her children because she has no car, no job, and no means of support and child support won't make ends meet.

Married: relied on husband

Divorced: Still relied on ex husband (for child support)

Down and out and living with parents: Relying on ex husband to take care of kids. Relying on daddy to put food in her stomach, a roof over her head and clothes on her back.

ANother example: Mid level manager for a federal govt agency. Relies on men to provide her with her job, to train and supervise her, relies on male taxpayers to pay her salary, and relies on male coworkers to cover her fuckups. And men more competent than her do her job, because she's unable to do it competently.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

ANother example: Mid level manager for a federal govt agency. Relies on men to provide her with her job, to train and supervise her, relies on male taxpayers to pay her salary, and relies on male coworkers to cover her fuckups. And men more competent than her do her job, because she's unable to do it competently.

Ok this is a bit of a stretch though. Saying "relies on male taxpayers to pay her salary" as "women rely on men" is a far cry from the first example you gave which I agree with. Also the rest of it. I've known some useless sacks of shit in the workplace who are men and manage to keep their job through connections/friendships with higher ups.

Anyways, I'll debate you. Don't you think it's possible that the women you know happen to be less independent because a lot of them you know through their husbands/boyfriends (which means you don't meet independent women)? I've noticed the same phenomenon among women who assume things of all men but the guys in their social circle are mainly there by virtue of their girlfriends/wives being there, so of course there are shared traits.

You don't meet the independent/happily currently single woman because how would you? She goes to work developing software, reddits, takes care of her pet(s), keeps up with family, socializes with her small friend group, lives a relatively insular life, reads some Heinlein, plays games, watches tv, procrastinates on getting her vehicle registration after moving, whatever. She's a standard boring bog average human being just like many other women and men. That woman might as well be a myth to you, because you simply will never come into contact with her and get to know her. The difference is that hypothetically, this woman isn't desperate for connection beyond the superficial - she's happy with herself and doesn't really need or want a partner (yet - maybe this changes because of a biological clock, who knows?) and so... she just doesn't factor in.

It's just so strange to me because so many of the things written about women by men make no sense to me, yet they must to them, so clearly there's a divide of experience here. Maybe I'm wrong and all women are really like that, including me, and in five years I'll find myself marrying some guy I'm going to divorce in the next five to monkey branch to a richer guy (for why? I don't even know. I have a stable job I actually like that keeps me comfortable, money in the bank, a maxed out 401k, and zero inclination to keep up with anyone else... but according to everything I read, I'm going to wake up some day just desperate to rip a dude's life savings to pieces). It's just... news to me. Lol.

Reading these subreddits feels so surreal. Being some woman with a guy 'taking care' of me, yielding my autonomy to someone else's decisions, essentially being used only for my 'company' and whatever happiness I can give someone else, going along with someone else's life as their sidekick as long as they'll deign to have me, always being in 'dread' about being replaced by one of his 'spinning plates', constantly manipulated so I'll be good and sweet and loving, my decisions dismissed as just foolish little notions because "she doesn't know what she really wants", a mother to his spawn who are going to be raised to be controlling husbands and good little wives - that's a fucking horror story. That is probably literally a horror movie somewhere. I don't understand why nobody else seems to see it. That legitimately sounds like a hell - like life is a living hell where at the end you find out you had no point, your point was just to make someone else feel happy about themselves. That was it, that's all I'm for, I don't get to make my own inventions and save lives and change the course of human history, I'm never going to take over a small european country, that's all just a side effect of my main purpose which is to be a fucking, walking, talking womb (according to you guys, anyways). I mean, I'm probably not going to do that cool shit anyways, but neither are you.

Somehow people have convinced themselves it's what the woman wants anyways, or something? Like maybe I say I don't want it but REALLY DEEP DOWN I DO because BIOLOGY and HORMONES and AWALT. I don't understand. I could see people being into it in a fetish situation - being someone's 'sub' - but a whole god damn life of that? If that's what all men want from me, I'm opting out entirely of the 'spread your genes' race. If that's what hormones are going to make me be like, that's not me any more, that's a fucking body-snatcher. Fuck that noise. Mother nature can fuck herself to hell if I'm going to magically transform into wanting that for the sake of spreading life or whatever.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't get to make my own inventions and save lives and change the course of human history, I'm never going to take over a small european country, that's all just a side effect of my main purpose which is to be a fucking, walking, talking womb

Most MEN don't do anything like this. Almost no women do.

The lives of most men AND women are: Make your way the best you can, make a living the best you can, hope you find someone who will put up with your shit and accept what good you can offer, and hope to hell it stays together for the long haul.

Most men have no designs on doing any of the things you mentioned. Most men just want to get through life without getting killed, blown to bits, living in a van, and with getting their cocks wet mostly when they want.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry, my other comment got way out of hand. Haha. I think I've been visiting reddit too much and dealing with some existential crisis of my own. Didn't need to shovel the shit out in the open. Anyways, it's all just the rantings of a silly hormone-addled woman who can't understand the human condition, am I right? You know, the sad thing is I almost get the allure of wanting to be told what to do and relying on everyone else and whatever. It must be easier. But that's just not who I am. Oh well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What? I can't even....

I really hope you can work all this out.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

instead of downvoting, how about engaging me in a debate? If you don't want to debate, at least follow the rules and don't downvote.

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

If you don't see the refutation of your statement all around you it's because you don't want to. I'm here to debate facts. There's no point in debating opinions.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

You haven’t presented any facts; only your opinions and personal experiences

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Neither have you. So what do you want???

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I have. You also aren’t debating. You don’t respond to anything anyone actually says. You just retort with variations on ‘men are shit’ and ‘women rule’.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

Women use makeup. Like.. All the time. Ultimate and most obvious example making feminists just to ignore it and change the topic. Make-up is a deception. Own your shit, women. Admit it.

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy Link

So what? If women stop wearing makeup men will stop trying to change themselves to attract women? I'd take that deal.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

So women use deception like... all the time. And your response is "so what". Typical woman who has no sense of responsibility.

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

Men don't want women to take responsibility. That means they then have to take responsibility, which they have no intention of actually doing. Otherwise, they wouldn't need a half-assed excuse/deflection from the fact that they can take responsibility any time they like.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

Men don't want women to take responsibility.

Oh we do. Just that women never take any.

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

What would that even look like?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

For instance, single moms should PAY men to sleep with them. That's women taking responsibility for their stupid actions (getting knocked up).

Is it a bit more clear now?

[–]Eartherry0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Responsibility equals punishment? But if she can support herself just fine she doesn't have to receive a punishment. Are you saying that that, in and of itself, is the same as trying to escape responsibility? That responsibility means seeking out ways to punish oneself for certain behaviors? Who gets to decide what behaviors get punished?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Responsibility equals punishment?

See, everyone? Women consider taking responsibility as PUNISHMENT. How more solipsistic one can get?

[–]meomeowmeoww 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

If everyone around you doesn't like you, you're probably shitty.

[–]TheBookOfSeilAn ounce of Snu Snu is worth a pound of cure3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Or you’re just not an ass kisser

[–]meomeowmeoww 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

ass eating is all the rage these days

[–]TheBookOfSeilAn ounce of Snu Snu is worth a pound of cure1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is that a different level of asskissing that younger people are doing today?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Or people are discriminating you for something..

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Meh I'm still crazy attracted to my husband.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd say this is common knowledge.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah ime they never really had it or they always had it

[–]blackedoutfastRed Pill Man2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

part of it is because when the woman doesn't know a guy well it can spike her attraction. there's newness, novelty, and even potential danger involved which creates excitement and anticipation. and those feelings are subconsciously associated with attraction.

when a woman gets to know a guy and becomes more familiar with him, that type of excitement and curiosity will fade.

if you have a hypothetical girl and two guys who are similar in every way except that she knows one of them very well, but barely knows the other one, she may like the one she knows well, but she will probably be more attracted to the relative stranger.

there's another related aspect in that the more time a woman spends around a man, that means more opportunities for him to make mistakes in the relationship and more opportunities for her to see weak/bad/unattractive parts of him and his personality.

[–]321PK 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ask u/iamsamurai bout that. He’s the expert.

[–]planejane 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh dear is he still around? He was more unhinged than the average TRP.

[–]SasquatchMcKraken2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are ways to keep things going on the right trajectory. If you think you're going to be in the honeymoon phase for years on end you might as well wish that you could sprout wings. It's not happening. That's not the same thing as saying it has to end in a messy breakup or an affair (or both). How long you can do this depends partially on your actions and partially on how boredom-prone and principled your SO is.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Had a sexy dream about my man last night even though he's right there and has been for 6 years.

[–]immaculacy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nope. Not in my personally experience.

[–]the_calibre_cat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

MEN lose attraction, this isn't a woman only thing

[–]RoyalAugur922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a general rule, women "lose interest" in sex once there's nothing more for them to gain from having sex.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If the female is childish then she will. The idealized version of a person is always more attractive then a real person.

It's also possible their definition of attraction is flawed.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah women will lose attraction over time. However, she's not going to leave as long as she feels he remains her best option. If she feels she has better options the guy is toast.

[–]Barneysparky4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So if a guy hits me, I only feel that it would be a better option to leave him?

I think I would know, not feel.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Assumes facts not in evidence. We're not talking about abusive situations. Regardless, if she feels he's still her best option she'll stay despite the abuse. Alternatively, a guy can be objectively decent, but if she feels that she has a better option(s) she'll kick him to the curb without a second thought.

[–]Barneysparky0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

People do not break up without cause, at least I have never met a couple where that is the case.

I've met a couple of couples who still say "they just grew apart", but really that is something that your parents told you. People who think they can take their moods out on the person they should be closest to is the #1 cause of divorce. Borderline women and Narsasstic men are the leading cause of this....the traits not the disorder.

No one wants to be around someone where everything is about them all of the time, it's draining and no way to live a life.

It can be cured, but it shouldn't be lived with.

Dispute or agree?

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

People do not break up without cause,

Yeah -- the cause is that she feels she can do better.

[–]Barneysparky1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When men break up with women what is the cause?

You do know men are much more likely to get remarried in the first year of a break up. That's a well proven fact.

Regardless you didn't answer my questions. Bad faith.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s pretty much how it works.

Long-term marriages usually don’t stay together because of sexual attraction. They stay together because each knows the other is their best option

[–]AutoModeratorMarried to MRS_DRgree[M] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Attention!

  • You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.

  • For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.

  • If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.

  • OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Mr. Cross” is hardly representative of the avergae man.

That said, it’s fairly normal to lose attraction over the course of an LTR, especially when you start factoring in kids, health problems and the stress of life. You have to work at maintaining attraction. This isn’t something most people want to do or even hear. It’s easier to bounce or cheat and find the next new oxytocin high.

The “predicatment” TRPs are in has more to do with not being able to attract women in the first place. For MRPs, it’s believing that puffing their chests out and trying recreate some 50s fantasy will keep their wives from cheating.

[–]BiggerDthanYouBluetopia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women lose their attraction after getting to know TRPers? It must be female nature; they just lose interest if they get to know a man. There's no possible other explanation and it's impossible that other men do not experience this.

[–]kandyapplezborn in '91 👸 💅1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

no. my mom is still embarrassingly into my dad and they're almost 60 and have been together forever

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The more a woman gets to know you the more she will see how congruent your behaviour is. If you are acting or situational to create the attraction she will see the incongruence when she gets closer to you.

If you are actually congruent she will have some mighty shit tests. Best to just be honest with them. Most people can't be honest though. It hurts them too much

[–]machimusMahogany Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The opposite. I get far better results given more time to build emotional attraction. Over even longer time periods though, attraction must be refreshed and maintained. You let yourself get fat and complacent, attraction will wane. Same if you stagnate in your life and get boring.

Really it's the same way you would feel about the girl, let's not pretend this is only a "crime" that women commit.

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes.

[–]a_vanillaePurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men and women lose attraction when they and the other party stop trying. You know that tenet TRP likes to quote, "steel sharpens steel"? That's true for romantic relationships too. And that's probably why so many people get stuck in cycles of abuse (tension > incident > reconciliation > calm).

And others get lazy and check out, sometimes just one party and sometimes both. But if both parties make the relationship a priority, over work, over friends, even over any children, the couple will last longer and be happier as a result. It's hard as hell but it's not impossible.

So no, it doesn't match up with my experiences. We've been together 13 years and we have cycles but my attraction for him hasn't gone. We still game each other pretty frequently.

[–]MisterJose0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How is this isolated to women? I get less attracted to women the more I get to know them. I think it's obvious why this happens for both sexes: Your initial attraction is based on a type, a fantasy, and an idealization and simplification of the person.

It doesn't take much - you can go take a look at some girls who post on gonewild who are extremely attractive, and then go look at their post history and writing about their lives, and have who they are crash down to Earth for you. And that will be someone you have never even met and interacted with in person. Think about that same person calling you for the 100th time with their problems you are now sick of. "Remember guys: No matter how attractive she is, there's some guy somewhere who's sick of her shit." - this is the saying that's gone around for men. So, I don't see why we would talk about this as some sort of female phenomenon.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter