One of the more common narratives I have been reading on here is that a marriage is a transactional arrangement in which a woman "sells" her sexual availability in exchange for commitment, resources, time, protection, status, etc.

A lot of posters react to this viscerally, which is understandable, but I think it is for different reasons.

One topic that has been discussed here previously is that some personalities are more apt to systematize relationships in a way that is repellent to more feeling personalities. However, I think if you gut the relationship like a house, rip out the drywall and insulation and get it down to it's bones, there is a transactional element to all relationships, even if it is subconscious. Posters can talk about this in the abstract without it being an integral part of their personality or behavior in a relationship. Some posters are merely reacting to the notion of relationships as transactions.

Another issue that I see emerging is different, however. Even when comfortable with describing relationships in this manner, I still cannot relate to this description of marriage or long term relationships as a woman. You see, even when I strip the house down to it's bones, I don't perceive myself as "offering" my body in exchange for things like commitment or time or resources. Commitment, time, resources, etc are all things that I also perceive as my primary contribution to the relationship. That's not to say that spending time with my partner is "work" to me, but it is an obligation that I cannot shirk continually. I also feel obligated to work towards are joint future, I cannot spend money entirely as a wish. I also need to report to my partner about my whereabouts within reason. I need to support him with my presence when he is down, and share the best moments of my life with him as well. I have also forfeited other sexual opportunities, even short term, novel ones, in exchange for the same. Even if this desire is not as a persistent as a man's, it exists.

If a man does not consider my time as appropriate "payment" for his time, he doesn't care for my company very much and probably doesn't love me

Basically, I think many women are resistant to the idea that they are "selling" their bodies in their relationships because somebody with appropriate self worth and an inner self is not going to think of their body as their primary offering. When you live in that female body, and see out of those eyes, you also experience the passage of time, the hardship of work, and the emotional energy drained into another when needed. So telling women that they are paying for a man's commitment with sex is nonsensical. Women already feel as if they are "paying" with the same basic things men are.

And, to boot, perceiving one's body as payment had a tendency to repulse women and kill their libido. If this tone infects the relationship it reduces the chances a woman will make good on the part of the "arrangement"