Recently I taught the children something I’ve discovered in a children’s book- a great concept that definitely encompasses adult life as well.

This book by Carol McCloud.

The storybook talks about a boy named Felix who learns from his grandfather about the importance of ‘filling someone’s bucket’, through helping others in being kind, respectful, and thoughtful, even when your own bucket is empty or becomes emptied. Filling other people’s buckets ultimately fills one’s own bucket too.

Gaining your own happiness through helping other, even through doing little things, is a great philosophy to apply to life.

Especially one’s own relationships.

One thing about loving relationships is that each party is always willing to give and focuses on that rather than receiving. When both parties do this, they are always receiving and ultimately don’t really have to worry about it. About receiving.

Both men and women have become bitter and entitled nowadays, no doubt since we have such a materialistic and selfish social culture. I’m not pointing fingers however you are surrounded by that social attitude and encouraged to be that way. I mean, there’s rubbish being thrown at girls from the media all the time about what they should expect from men.

‘You’re a princess, you deserve everything.’

Or worse, the dreaded quote by Marilyn Monroe.

‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.’

The keyword you see in both sentence is ‘deserve’. I can’t speak too much about how men and boys grow up personally, however as a girl growing up, especially in a Western country, you really are bombarded with the message that you ‘deserve’ a lot of things naturally. Simply because you exist and you are being you.

Wrong.

You only deserve what you give, so if you get the best, you better be giving your best. Women seem to know this when it comes to education or career most of the time, then don’t apply the philosophy in their own lives.

At its basic concept, you don’t deserve anything if you don’t give anything.

I understand when people say these things to encourage self-esteem, however esteem should be given for things that deserve esteem. Effort, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, initiative. Loving yourself is important, however what is more important is to recognise your strengths, work on yourself and give yourself something to have self-esteem about. You don’t just sit there and then get all the praise.

Which is why it is important, in relationships, to strive to fill your SO’s bucket. You can only work for yourself, you cannot control their actions- learn to give. Not just giving things, that is one part, give help, give care. Be generous in personality, be generous with your joy and cheer. Bring a bit of light into someone’s world everyday.

The more you fill your SO’s bucket, the more you will fill yours at the same time and then he is also filling yours all the while, soon you’ll find your own bucket is overflowing-

• overflowing with happiness.

People seem to forget this simple piece of wisdom nowadays.