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Insecurity

(self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Woujo

**Note:** I have been working on a long article on "purpose" for a while now, so I wanted to just post part of it while I am finishing the rest.

**Insecurity**

The fundamental motivating emotion for betas is insecurity. I define insecurity here as the fear, well-founded or not, that one will be rejected from the tribe. Insecurity is a foundational emotion for betas because rejection meant disaster for our evolutionary ancestors: one who was rejected from the tribe would be cut off from all of the tribe’s resources and left in the jungle to fend for themselves. Both men and women can feel insecure, but insecurity is more predominant in women because they are physically easier to kick out of the tribe and less able to fend for themselves in the jungle without male physical protection. Much of womens’ seemingly bizarre behavior can be explained by their insecurity and their attempts to alleviate that insecurity.

For a beta to obtain access to any valuable resource (such as food, sex, love, affection, and an enjoyable adventure into the unknown), they need to be accepted by the tribe first, which is why the beta’s desire to be accepted is their strongest emotion. Oftentimes the kind of clothes people wear, the music they like, and even their moral and religious beliefs are dictated by the tribe, because acceptance by a powerful tribe is more important than whether you listen to this or that music, wear this or that clothes, or believe this or that moral theory. Aside from meeting our most basic needs, most everything humans do is for acceptance and status and most of our psychological trauma is a result of somebody who made us feel rejected at some point.

This need for acceptance drives conformity in humans. Even if a beta cannot consciously identify a particular person or thing as the “alpha male” their subconscious mind will still push them to do things that will conform to the dictates of whatever group of people they feel is most desirable and most likely to accept them. This is why even “nonconformist” people like goths and punks all end up looking, acting, and talking the same – their subconscious mind has identified “the goth community” as the desirable tribe, and pushes them to do whatever it thinks will bring them acceptance and status within that tribe. In women, all the slutty outfits, bitchiness, and efforts to be cool are all pleas for acceptance and status. And a woman wearing high heels or make up is subconsciously begging for acceptance by the alpha male.

Insecurity creates a powerful evolutionary drive in betas to battle each other for status. In the absence of a clear alpha male to lay down the law, betas engage in heated, sometimes violent status wars until a clear, undisputable winner emerges. You can see this dynamic in a middle-school lunch room, Twitter, or lawless desert in Afghanistan. This eternal war for status is why children bully each other, why old ladies gossip, and why beta and insecure people are so much worse to work for than alphas. Of course, there are plenty of rational reasons for a person to be unpleasant to another person, but attacks for status are often completely irrational and only exist to obtain a higher rank in a hypothetical dominance hierarchy that only exists in people’s heads.

This status battle is essentially a clash of purposes – whoever can cause the other party to deviate from their purposes “wins” the status battle and feels higher in the dominance hierarchy (and the loser feels lower in the dominance hierarchy). But as we have seen, your purposes create your reality and your reality creates your emotional experience, so you “win” a status battle by showing that the challenger cannot affect your purposes, reality, or emotional experience. The alpha male does not, however engage in these status battles because there is no danger that he could ever be rejected from the tribe – he IS the tribe. A beta attacking the alpha male for status is like a 2 year old kicking a grown man in the shin – all the grown man can do is laugh because the threat is so insignificant. Furthermore, the alpha’s thoughts and emotions are simply not focused on gaining acceptance – he is instead focused on venturing into the unknown to create a superior future reality for the tribe. Insulting the alpha male is like a preacher reading a math textbook at a Justin Bieber concert – it just does not register emotionally to him.

Betas do not just want acceptance from any old tribe – they want acceptance from the strongest tribe that is led by the strongest alpha male. Humans evolved an intense fear of “outsiders” so if a beta feels like there is a stronger tribe out there, they will want to either beat them or join them. Because insecure people perpetually feel like they are left at the fringes of the tribe, they are often the shittiest, most disloyal people. They rarely feel loyalty to any tribe because they rarely feel like any tribe has actually accepted them. A person can only really be compassionate if they are firmly secure in a tribe and have access to the tribe’s resources to distribute. An insecure person must worry about saving their own ass and joining a tribe first because they can even think about being compassionate to others. This is why relying on insecure people for compassion or pity is always a fool’s errand.

Imagine you are a beautiful woman. Ideally, the man who is clearly the alpha male from the strongest tribe will roll out the red carpet for you and joyfully accept you. In the real world, however, it is not clear who the alpha male is – instead, you see a confusing mess. Some men have some alpha traits but are missing others, some men act alpha at some times and beta at others, and some men seem like they might be alpha but won’t give you the time of day. All you know is most men are beta because, evolutionary speaking, there is only one alpha and many betas. When men supplicate to you and deviate from their purposes for you (which becomes more frequent the hotter you are), you will feel paradoxically feel more insecure because you will subconsciously feel that those men are not the alpha male and therefore cannot “accept” you into the tribe. Your insecurity will therefore drive you to irrationally attack every man you interact with. This “bitchiness” has an evolutionary purpose: if you win the attack you get a small status boost in the tribe, and if you “lose” the attack, then you have found the alpha male and you now know who YOU need to supplicate to for acceptance. Counterintuitively, women prefer to lose because if they “win” they have not received much: they are still not accepted by the boss, they are just slightly higher in the dominance hierarchy than some random guy.

Most men do not understand this dynamic so when women irrationally attack them they lash out in anger, get anxious, get butthurt, do something creepy, react passive aggressively, or run away. These responses are wrong because they indicate to the woman that she successfully perturbed your emotional experience, and therefore you are not the alpha male. The right reaction to a shit test is to maintain your joyful emotional experience and act like a 2 year old kicked you in a shin. If you approach a woman or group of women and they say something humiliating or mean to you, your best reaction is to act like they magically disappeared and ceased to exist but you didn’t even notice. Your body language, facial expression, and general demeanor and happiness should not change at all; you should just act like something else caught your eye. I know that sounds like a strange way to behave in the real world, but from an evolutionary perspective you are demonstrating to her that her attempt at “rejecting” you actually caused her to be instantly rejected. Remember, no matter how hot or rich or famous or bitchy or cool or popular or well-connected or snazzily dressed a women is, from an evolutionary standpoint she is not the gatekeeper of the tribe – YOU ARE, and just by virtue of being a man. Most men, unfortunately, fail to understand or exercise this potential power they have.

Of course, women will not fall in love with you just because you passed one shit test. For a woman to accept a man as an alpha male she needs a lot of “evidence” because, from an evolutionary standpoint, the alpha male acts consistently over a long term, not just in short spurts. But the longer you can stay in her presence and show that you react like the alpha male would the more emotional investment she will build in you and the more likely she is to accept you as the alpha male. This time period can last from a few minutes to a few hours to years. Normally, I tell guys that if a woman is still not coming around after a reasonable period of time, it probably ain’t gonna happen and you should move on.

To deal with insecure people, you must understand their psychology. Insecure people are haunted by a constant paranoia that they will be rejected by those who matter, so they need stay constantly on their toes to secure acceptance. People often become insecure when they are repeatedly rejected by the people they care about, so their subconscious mind constantly feels like they are at the fringe of the tribe. Men are often shocked by womens’ cruelty and cold-heartedness because they fail to realize that women view the world as a scary place governed by power. In this nightmarish landscape, womens’ strongest imperative is to seek the most powerful man’s protection, but the most powerful man can change in an instant. This is why women need constant validation and attention to confirm their acceptance, which gives rise to symbolic things like weddings and Valentine’s Day. But even when they achieve acceptance, they are still not fulfilled because they assume they will just get rejected again – which is why so many insecure people cheat on their partners and constantly seek attention from every high status person they meet. Insecure people never feel the calm and warmth that comes from knowing they are permanently part of the tribe, they are surrounded by good people who love them, and that they can get anything they could ever want or need from the tribe or themselves.

Evolution wants people to stay in their place, so insecure, low-status individuals start to feel “comfortable” on the bottom rungs on the tribe, which causes them to feel uncomfortable and anxiety when somebody treats them like they are high status and firmly accepted. This is why some people have imposter syndrome or are “afraid of success.” Their conscious mind wants to succeed, but their mind subconsciously tries to sabotage their success so they go back to their lower rank where their mind thinks they are “supposed” to be.

Some men target insecure women because they think that insecure women are “easy.” But insecure women actually have a stronger desire for the alpha male because their desire for acceptance by a strong tribe is never satiated, so they need to keep feeding that desire. Insecure women are also more likely to act up and shit test the alpha male because they are used to being rejected and feel uncomfortable when things are going well. Finally, insecure women often bounce from man to man because they have no loyalty towards any tribe because they do not feel like any tribe is loyal to them. As you can see, human psychology is extremely weird and counterintuitive, which is why almost nobody understands it.

To deal with insecure people, you must hold iron frame. You must make clear that they must fight for their acceptance and you will reject them the moment they act up. Most men do the opposite – when a woman expresses insecurity, they supplicate to her to reassure her that she is accepted. But this kind of supplication actually increases her insecurity because it demonstrates to her that the man is weak, his tribe is weak, and she should look elsewhere for acceptance. Humans evolved to see the alpha male as a hardass who rejects people who are not performing, so if a man tells a woman that she will not be rejected no matter what she does, she will subconsciously think either 1) he is not the alpha male or 2) he is lying. Either way, she is still insecure. Again, this is extremely counterintuitive, which is why so many men fail at this.

Modern society has created an insecurity crisis within women because it teaches women that their primary value comes from their appearance. This lie causes insecurity in women for two reasons: 1) appearance is a temporary, fleeting thing that literally changes based on what you wore, ate, and painted your face with that day, and 2) women evolved to feel accepted after they contribute to the tribe, not just for being hot. As we will learn, being hot contributes to the alpha male’s emotional experience, but only slightly – most of her value comes from her assistance to his purposes. A woman who only focuses her time and energy on being hot, like so many modern women do, will never really feel accepted by any man because the deepest depths of her subconscious mind will let her know that she is still worthless.

Men can also be insecure, and unfortunately, many men get into picking up women to cure their insecurity – they subconsciously feel like they can become “alpha” and get women, they will rise in the dominance hierarchy and be more “secure” in their position in the tribe. These guys often grew up around people who harshly rejected them and people who made them feel like their value as a man depended on how many women they could get. But trying to feel alpha by getting women always fails because they become dependent on women for that feeling, which makes them wanty, which ends up repelling women and making them feel even more insecure. You need to feel alpha first, and THEN get women, not vice versa.

Because insecure people are desperately trying to convince others and themselves that they are members in good standing of the tribe, they often project a fake hyper-confidence and obsession with status. They often try to “imitate” the alpha by acting distant or aloof, as if their thoughts and emotions were focused on something much more important. They also often irrationally attack others to assert and demonstrate their place in the dominance hierarchy (something a real alpha would never do). Unfortunately, many men fail fall for these false projections by women and actually believe that these women are better than them or unwilling to enter their frame. But real alphas do not irrationally attack or ignore people, so people that act shitty are often frightened betas worrying about their place in the dominance hierarchy. The insecure people that act shittiest often act the most debased and supplicatory when they encounter an actual alpha male, because the whole purpose of the assholishness by these insecure people was to be accepted by this alpha that they have finally found.

Go to my website: http://www.woujo.com


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[–]Currinomics 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'm sure everyone could relate with this.

About the loyalty of the female being related to her attractiveness, that is spot on. Most Indian girls who tend to be sellouts tend to be the ones who are least desirable. The opposite is true for men unless their community already has the prettiest women.

The best boss I worked for was a a granny. She still looked gorgeous on her 60s and was a bomb in her younger years. Her technical knowledge as good as her husband's. He married and had kids early with her first high school husband who had terrible looks but great actual personality despite his severe autism. He looked like a polite dependable beta and was up to speed with latest technology more than us. This is the bond that built civilization. These kind of pairings never happen anymore because women disrespect and avoid men like him.

Church despite its bullshit superstitions created the social bedrock for autist betas to feel accepted by submissive women. There is an evolutionary biology reasons on why these social systems came to dominate.

[–]terambino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

brb gonna get my alt and post my pseudo-evolutionary-science fictional essay on social dynamics that has no real references but is infused with some really good "alpha" terminology

you know you will love it

[–]rockyp32 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Could you link that frame post?

[–]darkpiecez 46 points47 points  (1 child)

I have to agree with the rest of the comments. Really well structured and a must read. Can a mod pin this and put it on the side bar? Thanks brother, we need more of these.

[–]Onein1024th 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seconded. Top quality. Should be sidebar; the few lessons in here I already internalized, I had to learn the hard way. Huge

[–]Whycantwealltwerk 24 points25 points  (1 child)

You understand humans on a evolutionary level which is what TRP is founded on good write. Once someone understands what you wrote here they’ll be much better off understanding everything else in the manosphere.

[–]Atheist_Utopia 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The irony is that you'll probably never find this in antropology because femnazism infected education.

[–]yzeetrA 21 points22 points  (0 children)

great post, and i agree must read for any newcomer

[–]lurktolearn 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Nice to see you back, Woujo.

My thoughts on this:

Nowadays, there's no point of being insecure (and in the same vein, a cynic).

Like you said, insecurity, at least in a tribal situation, is what keeps weaker men from dying. By being insecure, you give away your freedom (not sure if that's the right word) in exchange for safety, food, status, and resources. In tribal situations, insecurity is beneficial.

However, on the modern stage, it's a different story. In the modern stage, there is no point of being insecure; there's no exchange happening here—you're not trading your insecurity for safety, food, status, and resources. While in tribes, insecurity saved you; in the modern stage, insecurity destroys you. By being insecure today, you signal that you need approval from someone and that you are willing to do many things to get that approval. In other words, there's no point of being insecure—you gain nothing while the other person feeds off of you, be it through attention, time, resources, money, snacks, drugs, or whatever they need that you can provide. And that's all because you seek approval from them.

We were descendants of insecure ancestors. Insecurity in the tribal life meant life. Today, insecurity is death. And unfortunately, we carry the insecurity genes. This begs a question: how do you overcome the insecurity genes? I think it's simple. Be a contrarian (when casually speaking to people) and an accuser (when seducing a woman). By being a contrarian and an accuser, it puts you in a different position that is against the mob. And that's a good thing because the mob usually wrong and they want to subjugate and indoctrinate their ideas into you.

[–]Elvis_Death 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Please say more about being an "accuser"

[–]EdmondDaunts 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I’ll add one thing:

Any system, inanimate or not, will display ordering behaviour with only the slightest of rules. It’s a fundamental property of Nature and is related to the Least Energy Principle.

That feeling of belonging and the subsequent insecurity is driven at the same level. It manifests as feelings and a higher interpretation but it comes from a self-ordering behaviour seen all over Nature. It’s why Pythagoras said the Universe is ruled by numbers.

It’s also quite scary. So it’s best to recognise it. Most people experience it as homeostasis but it’s more broad than that. Insecurity is driven by the need to make the system efficient but not necessarily effective. Which is why building contingency into your life means you can deal with the constant energy battle that goes on.

[–]takeiteasy3430 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What does “building contingency” mean in the sense of a TRP belief? Not sure what this means. Curious.

[–]EdmondDaunts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Building contingency is having a backup plan, resources and mindset so that instead of chancing something happening you have a way to deal with it when it happens.

For TRP that can be multiple plates, minimising living expenses, isolated investments (not sure what jurisdiction you are in but some monies cannot be immediately accessed if you divorced). Of course not getting married and arranging your life around that.

Basically it is dealing with challenges rather than gambling on them

[–]geo_gan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. Like electrons only being happy once they settle into a nice stable orbit. Before this they cause all sorts of unstable reactions.

[–]LuckyManBands 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Excellent read. Very well written and great points.

[–]d3g4d0 9 points10 points  (1 child)

One of the best posts I've seen on here in years.

[–]BROqal 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Absolutely wonderful post, really sunk in how much of an insecure person I am. Really need to work on myself and find inner contentment.

[–]KaRzual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you plan working on that?

[–]urbanfoh 8 points9 points  (15 children)

A very deep message indeed. Let me ask you for some advice regarding this:

In order to follow my mission I broke away from many "tribes" whos goals did not align with mine - high school friends, low achievers, people with different interests. As a result I do not feel the acceptance of a tribe. As you said I am basically my own tribe.

Using your ideas the archetypical alpha is always supported by a strong tribe and is secure of its support.

Lets say that is my ideal but so is following my mission. Isn't then keeping my goals intact hurting my prospect of being in the center of a large tribe? In fact I was the center of some groups but then left them. I had to sacrifice my position of the group alpha to follow my goals.

So is it even possible to be the perfect alpha? If you do not conform (a bit) you cannot be a part of a large tribe. It then does not serve your interests. If you want to stay at the center of the tribe ,however, you have to sacrifice your ideals to some degree. It seems there is no perfect way of being "alpha", is there?

[–]p3n1x 11 points12 points  (2 children)

It is shown through history, the alpha will naturally be looked at as a leader. The mentality of the 'lower' mob will be a reflection of the extremes of the Alpha's vacillation or hubris. This "mob mind" determines the rise and fall of the tribe.

It isn't a "conundrum" that men designed ways to ensure a "good system" stayed alive with concepts and awards, i.e. Loyalty, Honor, Valor, Celebration.

There has to be balance, any 3 betas can crush a single Alpha. An Alpha that constantly abandons will be abandoned. Blind ambition is a game of extremes.

You can have one night stands where the female is emotionally negative afterwards, or she is positive and fullfilled because she already knew what the deal was (your honesty and integrity) before the panties came off.

The DGAF attitude isn't about being an unemotional dipshit to everyone around you, it is about being comfortable with the truth of yourself (honesty). All shit tests are anihilated with 'Honesty'.

-Yes, I'm ok with going to the gym while I look fat

-Yes, I want sex

-Yes, I'm happy and confident

[–]Pokeylaw 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, this whole post has been just amazing.

[–]StormCountone 9 points10 points  (6 children)

These are just general archetypes, but the term for those of us in the middle ground between Alpha and Beta, is Sigma. We tend to be lone wolves, people are attracted to our strength of character and sense of purpose, so they often wish to follow us or incorporate us into a tribe, but it is not in our nature to feel comfortable being deeply ingrained within a large group dynamic, because the imposed values and bureaucracy that come with larger groups often feels constraining for us.

We prefer to be monks or ronin doing our own thing, pursuing our own goals, inadvertently acting tangential to tribe dynamics. We are outliers. Where Alphas seek to lead and betas long to follow, we could care less and would rather be free agents. Alphas will recognize our strength and will not feel threatened by it because they understand that we do not wish to usurp their position in the hierarchy.

We're not necessarily pure hermits, but are probably more introverted and content with keeping a distance from the constant game of validation that takes place within larger tribes like Churches, Sports teams, Corporations etc.

Life is full of spectrums and shades of gray, so keep that in mind whenever contemplating theories that exclusively focus on the interplay of rigid binaries, because social dynamics are never completely neat and tidy affairs.

[–]estrogenmilk 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My god thank you for this just had an epiphany and yes it's easy to slide into the trap of black and white thinking with these types of things. Just did a bit of research and Sigma just hit the nail on the head.

Marilyn Manson and Keanu reaves are two hollywood examples I can see with a very close alignment.

[–]StormCountone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are very welcome! We represent a small minority of the interpersonal relationship style schema, but we are prevalent in society nonetheless, I'm glad I could help elucidate your epiphany : )

[–]urbanfoh 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am impressed by your way to put it. You have described it very accuratly. So much that it could easily be its own post.

[–]Isbjornsolo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

With regards to the Sigma archetypes. Do you think they generally operate/integrate best within smaller tribes/groups of people who are aligned by goal/mission/values but are all trying to maximise their outcomes? I.e. trying to be best at X.

Generally this can come across as elitist or workaholic types. Barrier to entry is generally very high and you'll easily be kicked out if you don't maintain the standards of the group.

[–]StormCountone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In your scenario of a focused insular group of highly skilled people who are trying to max out their individual outcomes, I think that a Sigma might try to join in the hopes of attaining or conferring benefits, just like anyone. They would probably be the ones offering more novel unorthodox approaches to problems. But ultimately they would be the first to leave if they felt their autonomy and capabilities were being too constrained by rigid rules or standards.

Sigmas operate best when they are given the freedom to be unconventional. They like to approach situations at different angles than most, question status quos, and deconstruct societal assumptions about reality. Most people find comfort in aligning themselves with a dominant paradigm, a Sigma however will want to fully analyze and understand the structure of a group/ideology and what real world consequences result from it before feeling comfortable in aligning with it. More often than not, they'll probably find corruption or something distasteful about the organization in question that will cause them to keep their distance and incentive them to operate from the outside.

Sigmas can work well in groups, they can even effectively take charge when they are inspired to see their particular vision carried through. Unlike Alphas, they can feel comfortable letting go of the reigns when someone else expresses a strong desire to pursue and lead on a particular strategy that has merit and potential. For them, there is much less value placed on status or recognition and more value placed on seeing a project through to its completion and splendor.

On a tangential note: Anyone would thrive more easily in a smaller tribal environment where individuals are aligned by their goals missions and values. As a species we have cognitively developed to comforably interact within tribes that cap out around 150 individuals. Many modern societal issues stem from the fact that we have difficulty adapting to such high density populations. We are constantly surrounded and interact with strangers, which leads to much less accountability, high levels of distrust/anxiety and thus more exploitation of the gullible, which is hard to pull off in a traditional neolithic setting where most everyone knows everyone else's business.

[–]Endorsed ContributorWoujo[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There are two answers to your question: an emotional one and a practical one.

Emotionally, humans evolved to see the "rules" of the tribe as coming from the alpha male. Simply put, the alpha does whatever he wants and everybody follows.

Obviously, as a practical matter you can't do whatever you want in the real world and hope the "betas" go along. The alpha male can mold other people into his image, but you will never be alpha enough to mold anybody into anything. Therefore, you need to "conform" to society outwardly but let your emotions be alpha and nonconformist.

For example, at my job when I negotiate deals with clients I often use very "beta" language: "I will do anything to make this deal happen," "I can clear out my schedule anytime to have a meeting with you," etc... Now I don't do that because I FEEL beta, but because I just know from a rational standpoint that is what some clients want to hear. Of course, if a client was actually degrading me and making me feel like a beta, I would fire that client .

Similarly, I have a lot of friends that are "blue pill" when it comes to women but are otherwise good, successful friends. From my coaching side hustle I know that convincing men to change their approach to women is very hard because so much of mens' ego is tied up in their relationship to women, and it is hard to tell a man that everything he has been doing since he was a child has been completely wrong. Therefore, I just live my life and if I can help a little bit without freaking my friends out I do. I might even agree with them or smile and nod when they tell me about their blue pill exploits. But in my own life, I try to reject the blue pill mentality as much as possible.

[–]estrogenmilk 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Was about to babble some personal experience and ask something similar but it seems this is where we are met with a conundrum.

Something strange is missing here. A Third element. The closest word I'd hate to use would be the mythical creature known as the ''omega'' ''A lost alpha'' yet could intertwine and fit the description of the beta all at the same time.

I'm met with some confusion here and I'm keen to hear the rest of the article to see if this hole has an explanation.

[–]urbanfoh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Something strange is missing here. A Third element. The closest word I'd hate to use would be the mythical creature known as the ''omega'' ''A lost alpha'' yet could intertwine and fit the description of the beta all at the same time.

Yes I think you are right. The definition of alpha I take from the article is : Someone who does not conform and is surrounded by a large tribe. And this is inconsistent.

Take this subreddit for example. If you enter it is expected to let go of many bp values you've held dear. That is something the article deems beta. You compromise your personality to gain access to the protection (knowledge, advise) of a group of men that holds the archetypal alpha as an ideal.

So yeah something is missing here.

[–]thr0Way124 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you were truly alpha in those groups, you'd not have to worry about being in the center of the tribe. Quoting woujo,

he (alpha) IS the tribe

While it may seem hard in practice, I think one should be able to be in the position of alpha while keeping their goals unchanged. As long as you keep your frame intact, whatever bullshit anyone comes up with (the tribe betas)., it will not matter for you. They should strive for your acceptance not the other way around.

[–]BurnYourFlag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".- Groucho Marx

[–]gaunernick 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Evolution wants people to stay in their place, so insecure, low-status individuals start to feel “comfortable” on the bottom rungs on the tribe, which causes them to feel uncomfortable and anxiety when somebody treats them like they are high status and firmly accepted. This is why some people have imposter syndrome or are “afraid of success.” Their conscious mind wants to succeed, but their mind subconsciously tries to sabotage their success so they go back to their lower rank where their mind thinks they are “supposed” to be.

Hey I'd like to know your thoughts on my following thought:

The Imposter Syndrom can also just be interpreted as an extreme form of "humbleness". Since I don't necessarily see humbleness as a trait of insecure people, I'd like to point out a difference.

In your case it's external forces that are making someone act & feel humble, by people complementing that person and that person acting all shy and feeling like a fraud. This can be considered a trait of insecure people.

However, if you look at many successful people, you notice that they don't show off their wealth. They drive a reasonable car and live in a reasonable neighbourhood and consume reasonable products and brands. This is a form of internal humbleness and therefore not considered a trait of insecure people, since this form of humbleness reflects the emotional stability of an alpha.

What do you guys think?

[–]estrogenmilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Made a comment a bit ago poking at this concept. I'm personally far too modest that I shoot myself in the foot. The ''alpha'' ''beta'' seems to have a weird yin/yang relationship and you end up with an alpha that's an exile which in itself is a paradox.

I also know of people that use ''be humble'' as their catch phrase yet exhibit a lot of show off behaviour.

[–]MatrixofLe3adership 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You built the argument very well. This is a pretty good analysis. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Excellent, these are the kind of articles I always hope to read on this sub. I look forward to reading the rest. I couldn’t help but think of the disloyal Judas feeling insecure in his tribe of the 12 disciples!

[–]RivenHalf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"These guys often grew up around people who harshly rejected them and people who made them feel like their value as a man depended on how many women they could get. But trying to feel alpha by getting women always fails because they become dependent on women for that feeling, which makes them wanty, which ends up repelling women and making them feel even more insecure. You need to feel alpha first, and THEN get women, not vice versa."

I recently received a very harsh reminder of this lesson myself. I felt like I had finally made it, like I had finally grown into my own skin and then I met my unicorn and destroyed years of hard work into myself in a mere week, reconfirming that I actually still have a long way to go but I'm glad I went through this so that I did get that reminder. Thanks for articulating something I've been struggling to put into words. I almost feel like I just want to start all over at square one now starting today. This time my foundation will be much more sound. Time to reboot.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Saving this post. A truth-bomb from beginning to end, and even more reasons to focus on oneself instead of social activities.

[–]mickenrorty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I almost never upvote... today I upvoted.

I must have muttered “Fuark that’s true” about 10 times reading this...

Thank you.

You’ve brought back memories of observation from my past where I was once confused and yet the confusion now appears clear...

What a red pill to swallow...

Reading this post has changed me for life as dramatic as that may sound

[–]Truedemocracy5 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good callout on the real alphas don’t attack people. You can be high on the dominance hierarchy and attack other men, but that comes from a big position of insecurity.

the biggest alphas I know are friendly, yet firm. They don’t care if they get approval or not. They have an opinion and stick to it - usually when you hold frame other weaker people will fall into it.

Not to get political but this was a big reason for trumps success. Most politicians get caught doing something and apologize for it, making everyone else assume weakness. Trump didn’t, and eventually people fall into his frame on whatever topic at hand.

[–]JaxHerer 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Very well written. I'd recommend watching Jason Capital's guide on positioning after reading this incase you aren't aware of that concept.

[–]Shieldless_One 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you have a link? I searched for the video on youtube and couldnt find anything

[–]JaxHerer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just realized it was named completely different from what I thought. Here it is:

https://youtu.be/mTvMYmnK9_o

[–]lokilis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow. Extraordinary clarity of thought on this topic. Thank you.

[–]grelkographer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had an argument with my girlfriend this morning. She keeps oversleeping when it's her job to make us breakfast in the morning before we go to our jobs. As a result, we oftentimes have to eat on the run and it's stressful. I tried to convince her to wake up on time and the argument ended with her saying, "Just wake me up in the morning if you're going to resent me for sleeping in." I said "okay, whatever" because I was busy with something else and too tired/distracted to put my foot down. I walked away from the situation not feeling right (because I'm too busy in the morning to drag her out of bed) and immediately read this post for the first time. After getting ~4 paragraphs in, I walked back into the room where she was and said "I'm not going to wake you up in the morning. You're going to wake up on time and do what you know you have to do, because that ensures the best outcome for both of us." To my amazement, her response was immediate bitching and pouting. Now understanding that she was just testing my dominance in the situation, I replied with, "and, now you're going to try to use your emotions to win the argument because you can't formulate a rational reply. Not gonna work." We sat in silence for a second and then broke out laughing. She's going to be making breakfast on time from now on.

Great article. Will be checking out your website.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K18 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I need to read this again a few times. But a few things I get from it...

Women are insecure, and looking for a strong man to gain acceptance from. The greatest ways she will see you're strong, is she doesn't affect your purpose, your reality and your emotional state.

This is why you should always have priorities over her. Always have a mission. No matter what she does or doesn't do, your purpose come first.

In your reality, you are the shit. The king. You qualify and approve of her. No matter what she does, or doesn't do, this reality always remains. Don't bend your reality. Don't start supplicating or chasing. If she acts up, don't become needy and insecure. Instead, she gets punished by the withdrawal of your time and attention. You do this with an air of amused mastery.

She will shit test. Shit tests are always emotional tests. You're never phased. This is one of the biggest things in game and dynamics. Learn to see EVERYTHING as a shit test.

So basically, you're purpose, reality and emotional frame are never affected, regardless of outside influences.

There are so many off-shoots to this stuff I could go into, which shows more of the complexity of human psychology.

A lot of people naturally see this pursuit of status and acceptance and appearing 'Alpha' in such superficial ways. They have no awareness of deeper things. These are the guys who try to attain money, materials, social proof then wonder why they eventually fail with women. They don't realise that what they're doing is subconsciously fulled by THEIR need for approval FROM WOMEN.

It's utter beta behaviour. 'I will amass a couple of cars, a larger bank account, dress in designer bullshit. Now, LOOK AT ME WOMEN. I must be the alpha who you really want. Please, please accept me'. Everything has been done in order to gain acceptance into the female tribe.

They don't understand game. They don't get the BEHAVIOURS and emotional state of the guys who can do it.

It's also a challenge these days, where the 'tribe' isn't as important as it used to be. We can individually feed, cloth, fund, etc ourselves better than ever. To understand and become alpha is tough, as I don't believe it's as naturally conditioned anymore.

[–]shaggyctes88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I rarely read a post this long as there's so much rambling, but I realy enjoyed this one, great Work OP, now I have to rethink a lot

[–]HorvathRed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for this post Woujo; extremely insightful. Made me stop and re-read several important sentences to really think about it.

[–]Spets87 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Great post. Lots of "aha" moments for me. From my own insecurities, to the girls I've dated and their behaviours.

The question is of course, how to get rid/overcome insecurity? You mention mission and purpose, so I am guessing this will be the big next post?

[–]Zsaqwes7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In dealing with this myself I've found the mission/purpose helps me feel better about myself (and therefore less insecure) AND acts as a distraction against loneliness, but it doesnt fill that hole from not feeling like part of a "tribe"

[–]Shadows1455 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the first time that get my mind blown by a post here. Like seriously I just paused for a few seconds in awe when the realization of my insecure self hit me.

Clearly saving this post for later. Thank you so fucking much

[–]masculinetruth999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This should be stickied. Makes full sense.

MAkes us realize why these 'foids' as people call them have no qualms putting on absurd amounts of makeup everyday even though it can take up to 2-3 hours. It's a primitive drive. Yet you still see the benefits of makeup today, a well dolled up 4/10 can attract a high tier 9/10 male to impregnate her, ensuring that at least her offspring have less of a chance of having to do what they do.

This also brings to the table the fact that females literally have nothing to offer besides reproduction.

[–]SlySoothSayer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be confident in the reality you create

[–]L3onard3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The actual alpha is not part of the tribe or the tribe. He embraces and excels when he chooses to leave the tribe to fend for himself.

[–]ThatOneDrunkUncle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This and your post on frame just unlocked the next tier of life for me. Life just makes so much more sense now. Holy shit thank you

[–]clouddevs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is one of the best things i have read this year. Most of my doubts (and my journey) are clear now.

thank a lot, keep writing

[–]Hedser91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And this is based on what or is this just your own perspective?

[–]Just_Isaak 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So you approve of the Jordan Peterson self authoring program?

[–]Endorsed ContributorWoujo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, but that affiliate link is dead so I need to take it down.

[–]thewrecker8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Posts like this are what's been scarce in TRP lately. Bravo sir

[–]rockyp32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jeez lots of truth in here

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Are you gonna restart your weekly articles on pro?

[–]Endorsed ContributorWoujo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes. Ive written a bunch of shit and it will all come at once

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great to hear, you got my sub. Looking forward to reading it all.

[–]JensenMse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is just as important as the side bar. Good job!

[–]ReUptheReUp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have nothing else to say other than that this is pure gold.

[–]trpblacklime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the tribe. I never thought of it like this before. I like it better than the typical alpha-beta dichotomy. It adds purpose to the dynamic. This is going to take some time to internalize. Profound read.

[–]Impossible_Apple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post was very well written and good to read.

I was also always very insecure, and probably still am, but I never wanted to be conformist or share the beliefs with the rest of the tribe. I always did my own thing. Well, when I was still in school (I'm from Germany) I just adapted the left wing beliefs we have been indoctrinated to believe and I just didn't know anything else back then. But as soon as I finished school on 2016, I started to inform myself on politics and my political views made a 180 degree turn. Nowdays I'd say for myself that I'm more of a centrist, but I would be called a Nazi anyway. My point is, if I had stuck to conformity to be accepted to the tribe, I probably would have never found my beautiful girlfriend and soon to be fiancé.

TL;DR: Even if you feel insecure, it is worth to stick to your own style, no matter how much you get bullied in school or cut off from the social circles.

[–]Zsaqwes7 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How can 1 person be a tribe?

[–]Glassland 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Cult of personality type of thing.

[–]SuzieSixSpeed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn This is the post I needed in my life

[–]Balderdash79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ride motorcycles, haven't owned a 4 wheeled vehicle in years.

Sometimes late at night on a long even stretch of open road or a curvy run through some hills I'll open her up and head for redline.

If I ever get the feeling that I'm going too fast or am in a dangerous situation, I force myself to give her more throttle.

The result? I don't scare easily.

If you want to man up, make your balls swell, be able to look any person in the eye without a trace of fear, mark these words:

"If you ever think you're moving too fast, twist that throttle."

[–]sleepkxng 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brilliant essay. I really enjoyed this.

[–]NarrowBath7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

seems like a decent amount of broscience in here

[–]trppr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Please stop with the evo psych shoehorning, and just write your message.

[–]freestyler2k1 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

"You need to feel alpha first, and THEN get women, not vice versa. "

You can't feel apha, if you did't prove it to yourself! Regarding woman, you had to smash a lot woman before you can realy internalise beeing a womanizer.

Of course you can fake it until you make it.

[–]CommonFable 7 points8 points  (2 children)

You missed the point. You are basing your feelings of being alpha on success with women. That is a poor foundation.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Success with women is not necessarily the mark of an alpha, they are a ‘side quest’. This is where the majority of men are completely lost as society raises the vagina on a pedestal next to money, which at least for money, on some level makes sense.

[–]freestyler2k1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

didn't made that link! Read again!

[–]estrogenmilk -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I may attempt to do so myself and struggle. But I would love to have a version of this fantastic piece of writing rewritten in a different language that leans more towards politically correct if that's even a possible feat.

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