Don't be fat.

Huffnagle · 2017-12-11T12:24:43+00:00

OP is correct. The #1 thing, by far, that a woman can do to be attractive to men is maintain a healthy body weight. Given the choice between an ugly girl with a nice figure and a pretty girl who’s 30 pounds overweight, I’ll take the ugly girl every time. Obviously, a pretty girl with a nice figure is even better, but... The majority of American women are overweight, so no matter what genetics you were gifted (or cursed) with, simply maintaining a nice figure makes you more attractive than most.

Xtinamina · 2017-12-11T12:11:05+00:00

My mom used to tell me how it was important to be a good person but most people won't get the chance to know someone if they're put off by their appearance.

Perhaps it isn't "nice" but it's true. People who put effort into themselves generally have an easier time with everything.

purplestater · 2017-12-11T15:48:10+00:00

I must say I rather enjoy the whole fat positive movement; I’m a size 4 so basically I have the dating market cornered lol. You don’t want to put down the fork and hit the gym but rather prefer to try and change what society finds sexually attractive? Good. Thanks for giving me an edge over the competition

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2017-12-11T18:55:12+00:00

I think it's beyond purely physical attraction.

One of a woman's most valuable and critiqued qualities is her physical appearance. For men it's their success.

If a man is fat but successful, he is still respected and desired because he is working hard at one of the most important aspects when it comes to facilitating a relationship.

If a woman is fat, she is not working at what is one of the most important aspects to facilitating a relationship.

It's about what you value beyond even what you look like. If a woman is fat, she either doesn't care enough to take care of her appearance, she doesn't have enough self control to fix her problems, or she doesn't place enough value on what men look for to facilitate a happy relationship.

vintagegirlgame · 2017-12-11T19:54:41+00:00

Love at first sight is a male phenomenon. The initial attraction is what gets them and they can fall in love instantly with a woman based on appearance. The level that they can love this woman in the long run depends on how strong the initial attraction was. If he was extremely attracted to her, he can fall deeply in love. Even if her personality repels him, he initially can't see past it because of the love goggles and will convince himself that his love is unconditional on her behavior and that he loves her regardless of her faults (though once the newness of her wears off he will notice red flags more and eventually wake up). If he's only slightly attracted to her in the beginning, his love cannot grow much past this initial threshold.

Sounds "shallow" but it's simply how men are wired to experience love. It actually means it's the MEN who are the hopeless romantics, not the women.

Women experience love as a gradual building process. They are way more likely to fall in love with someone they weren't initially very attracted to, but develop feelings for once they got to know them.

bakebynumbers · 2017-12-11T23:36:50+00:00

I go to a more conservative college, (one of the christian types where half the students graduate married) and its interesting to see how beauty standards are different when the majority of the girls here are thin and cute. You rarely see anyones who is actually fat, and even chubby is the minority. I'm okay size-wise in most places, as someone in their early 20s at 5'8 and about 135 lbs, but I sometimes feel sized out here! But with so many of the girls being goodlooking, its interesting how the focus tends to shift to the girls who are fun (ei receptive to new activities and flirty) [although the really gorgeous girls get attention no matter their personality!] the girls who are plainer or a little bigger either dont really date, or have to be proactive about it themselves.

Sidenote: I have been trying to eat out less and eat more fruits and vegetables (ive never had a big appetite, so eating cleaner tends to put me at a deficit naturally- Ive lost about 5 pounds in the last month by just doing that. Gonna try to get down another 7-10, but im not really worried about losing weight) To bad you cant healthy-eat a not-that-cute nose away!

RubyWooToo · 2017-12-12T01:07:03+00:00

Alternately, if you’re going to remain fat and attract the chubby chasers that do exist in the wild, then you better be sweet and happy.

WalnutFeline · 2017-12-11T13:29:38+00:00

I have a story as well. My bf and I met through an online dating website and he told me that he exchanged messages with (and met) various women before we dated. He told me that once he was writing with a girl and it all seemed ok until he saw her in a nearby McDonalds (she didn't see him). She was kinda fat in his opinion and he told me that he suddenly lost interest in her. It seems extreme but I can understand him. I don't like chubby/fat men either...

throwawayklutch · 2017-12-11T20:44:52+00:00

I used to be slightly overweight in high school before I lost a ton of weight (although in the most unhealthy way), and my god it made me feel awful about myself. Once I lost weight all the attention I wanted from guys finally came. That's why I don't understand why anyone would purposely want to be and stay that way

OldFashionLatina · 2018-01-01T01:03:51+00:00

A man LOVES when her girl takes care of herself not only for her...but for him.

My boyfriend even payed for my cosmetic surgery (just the minor touch ups after my weight loss) based on how happy he was to have a super hot gf...we are talking like 30k at the end of it. Girls, KEEP-YOURSELF-FIT!!

Bad-Wolf- · 2017-12-11T16:49:34+00:00

That's true.

Guy here and in terms of sexual attraction, there is no way to deny the importance of a good appearance.

cena7577 · 2018-05-15T06:57:51+00:00

This is all low consciousness behaviour. Low conscious people like to categorize others and only care about their advantage in any situation in life. High conscious people on the other hand will never do that. They are full of love and compassion for every being! :)

nonamanuensis · 2017-12-11T19:50:58+00:00

If it were possible to do this long term, I would agree. I still think it's important to keep in my mind but hard to do anything about - it's like telling a man he'd be more attractive if he were taller. Well, of course, but it doesn't mean he should go to dire measures to get taller. I think weight manipulation in the long run is a Chinese finger trap. And so I also think women should take advantage of their youth to find a man when they are young instead of trying to look 20something when one is 35+.

At this point I think that restriction under the equilibrium of one's body will create an equal and opposite reaction and the body will overshoot fat stores in response. I don't think women should restrict and count calories. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25614201

"More recent analysis of several prospective studies suggest, however, that it is dieting to lose weight in people who are in the healthy normal range of body weight, rather than in those who are overweight or obese, that most strongly and consistently predict future weight gain."

Where I get emotional because I think advice for young women to diet is terrible:

I ruined my metabolism with common advice and I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. I think weight (long term) is out of our control similar to other bodily processes like breathing, sleeping, etc. I think we can do supportive activities and mindful choices but calorie counting and excessive exercise, especially inconsistent, isn't healthy. I DO think people should be active and eat balanced but I also think they should rest when their body asks and eat what they want to eat overall. I follow semi-intuitive eating principles - my children would binge and hide food when we restricted carbs. When we loosened up they would still eat a lot but now, a year or so later, we are throwing out uneaten pies and junk food. My kids will serve themselves big servings but not finish them all. So I think the messaging of eating less encourages restriction, which creates binge eating, and the entire cycle keeps going. My metabolism slowed to a resting heart beat in the 40s and my body temperature never got above 97. I lost my period for over a year. I lost bone (despite eating calcium and weight bearing exercise). I ate on average 1600 calories a day and yes I weighed my food.

And perhaps my husband is just nice but he said if he had to choose between me 30lbs underweight (with no libido, amenhorrea, and "fit" but little fat on my body) and 30lbs overweight he would choose overweight without hesitation.

I expect to get downvotes. I get pretty emotional about this and I'm sure it shows. But after seeing my young kids start to hide food in response to restriction, and experiencing being skinny and fat I can't help but share. And we weren't sugar-fearing like some parents are - we just cut down on carbs in general but that was enough to make my toddlers fear they wouldn't get enough to eat. That was what made me re-evaluate my commitment to "looking good" and "healthy" habits. My kids do not binge now. Whew. And their weight hasn't changed although that was a fear.

Some of the fat hatred online is vicious and makes me understand why HAES was created in reply to the unkindness. I was a very slim teen and young woman in my 20s but after my third child my body really didn't bounce back despite starting to pay attention to portion sizes and exercising a little more. When that didn't work that was when I started dieting. Not having a libido but being a size 0 and obsessed with food is NOT FUN. It was the worst time in my marriage and my husband is so thankful I'm not manipulating my size - even if I'm heavier I am much more pleasant and have a libido. I was a "healthy weight" according to BMI charts and I would have had to lose another 15lbs to have been considered for an eating disorder. The more weight I lost the more obsessed I was with food. In hindsight the relationship is clear to me now but at the time I was devastated. And before I get "you didn't do it right" I followed common advice of high protein, IIFYM, body building (not cardio) and it still really did a number on my body. I occasionally check my caloric intake (I got really good at eye-balling how much volume/weight of common foods I was eating) and I do not eat excessively and I still get regular activity. At least my libido is back, my hormones are normal again, my metabolism isn't super low, and I don't obsess over food and binge eat. Whew. I hope over time my metabolism recovers but it may not. Your body really does know what it's doing. You don't count your breaths. You don't restrict how much you urinate. You don't only allow yourself to sleep 6 hours a night. You listen to your body's biofeedback signals.

Posting this on the off chance there is a postpartum mom out there who is thinking about dieting or a woman who is plus size and worried she won't attract a mate. It's more about proportions than size/weight so play up that long hair, smile, and bust/waist/hip ratio! And if you're a large woman perhaps set your sights on a large man instead of forcing yourself to be small. Yes, there are some people who keep the weight off over 5 years but it is VERY small and of enough note to have a separate national register because diets fail so often. I thought I would be one of those long term success stories but after 2 years I couldn't keep doing that to my body.

Also, men are definitely visual creatures but we all age and I think it's so much harder on women to lose fertile looks. My husband still thinks I'm beautiful and his actions show it so I don't worry he will look for a younger woman and we can age together. No one in his family has been divorced and his advice from his parents on choosing a woman was not about looks as much as about character. It's still hard for me to see pictures when I was younger but at least I'm not getting pressure from the one person whose opinion on my body matters to me (my husband.)

https://notpoliticallycorrect.me/2016/08/11/the-calories-incalories-out-myth/ Minnesota Starvation Experiment - lots of links if you google but here's one http://www.madsciencemuseum.com/msm/pl/great_starvation_experiment https://idmprogram.com/the-astonishing-overeating-paradox-calories-part-x/

GreenTeaOnMyDesk · 2017-12-11T21:31:21+00:00

Obviously

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-12-15T00:44:09+00:00

Being fat ain’t all that.
I agree with you completely.

MarjieJ98354 · 2017-12-16T02:41:14+00:00

Although I believe all women should strive to be the best that she can be, being skinny should not be the main thing that men should focus their attraction on. Yes pretty, skinny women have the market on dating; but how happy are the men dating them? Pretty, skinny women leave them at the drop of a hat as soon as something better comes along! Personally I feel that the request for men to have skinny women is based on penis size. Black men don't have too much a problem with bigger women. Although the majority of both men and women of any race prefer hard bodies. But with the majority of Americans obese, there are not enough "skinny" pretty people to address each others "needs". Many MGTOWers cry because even "fugly" women turn them down. (How dare they!!) Their whole movement is based on the theory that women are evil since they have to much sexual freedom. They take advantage of men by raping them financially. And the ones that can't get women are angry because 80% of the beautiful skinny women (and the "fuglies" for that matter) are chasing after the top tier 20% of men. It would seem easier for a man to find a woman that he can work with and mold her into the person he wants her to be. But they won't because they thinks that we're all too femnazi to listen to them. Or she's too old and useless to me now. (Of course the men are old and "Useless" and "fugly" too.) But don't tell them that! More like too angry to ever get a decent women. I'm overweight. I don't necessarily eat a lot. But I'm a middle aged women that can't find a decent man. So I basically work 60 hours a week, don't exercise and drink when I take a minute to think about my miserable life. Even If I ever think about making improvements, I ask my self for what? So I can be skinny and miserable? I need some kind of pleasure in my life. Unfortunately, it won't be with a man.

Tornadofob · 2017-12-16T19:52:35+00:00

Don't blame the player. Blame the game. As a guy, I can confirm what OP said. Also within the category of "cute" - there are generally 2 sub-categories. Chicks for short-term & chicks for long-term. Short-term are the 100% looks, body shape, etc. Long-term is "cute" as in at least decent to look at (features, body shape) - but a lot more qualities: caring, level of interest, breadth of knowledge, no entitlement issues, respect for others, willingness to learn, interest in sports,etc. Really nothing that most women cannot change if you are interested in long-term. Yes - keeping your body within a reasonable shape/weight is the one that allows others to be examined. Yes, in theory it shouldn't, but it is. No point protesting - it is what it is. But - it is also something within your power to change.

Summary - Nearly 100% of the things guys want for long-term are within your hands.

killerkoalabilby · 2017-12-25T22:24:35+00:00

As a man, I feel very lucky to be able to see the women’s side of dating. This gives me a deeper understanding of dating in general

sonder_one · 2017-12-11T17:47:25+00:00

This is how men's brains work at the basic level. Nothing about "oh she seems interesting" "she seems nice to talk to."

Neither gender is attracted to the other in the slightest because they're "interesting" or "nice to talk to." Sexually arouse, or don't. That's all that matters.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-12-11T17:45:08+00:00

The 2 men you were out with appear to be substandard humans.