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LTR/MARRIAGEAdvice please: BF [31] has high SMV that will only get higher. What can I [30F] do to grow with him? (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by masterofthebarkarts

Some background: my boyfriend and I just bought a house, picked out rings, the whole nine yards. I love him to bits and I want to be the best possible partner I can for him.

He has recently (in the last two and a half years) lost weight, started working out, fixed his skin issues and got a very good job. He is handsome, hardworking, intelligent and incredibly kind (if a little socially awkward). He has had relatively little experience with women and most of it was pretty lame, from what he has told me.

I am not exactly a swamp hag, but I know he's just going to keep getting "hotter" and I'm never going to be 25 again, sadly. There are already a number of attractive young women circling him and he's starting to (slowly) realize that people might find him attractive, although he still kind of doubts this. I am not insecure, but I am also not blind; there aren't a lot of great guys like him around.

My question is: he's just going to keep getting "better", so what can I do to keep him/keep up with him? I don't mean manipulating him or doing anything gross/abusive, but what kinds of things can I do to keep demonstrating my value and stay "competitive"? I already make it a rule to get involved enthusiastically in the bedroom, make food he likes, NOT NAG, work out, etc... anyone else here have a spouse/partner with a very high SMV? How do you handle it?

Thank you!


[–]ragnarockette4 Stars77 points78 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

  • Get into great shape
  • Dress well, wear nice makeup, style your hair how he likes it and just generally put effort into your appearance
  • Don’t be a nagging shrew. Particularly around wedding planning!!!
  • Be the goddess of light and fun. Get excited about things, enjoy life, plan fun trips, generally be a fun person that he enjoys spending time with.
  • Have lots of freaky sex.
  • Cook yummy food
  • Be his supporter and cheerleader. Say gushing things about him. Never doubt him or his plans for the future. Men really do value women who stick by them through thick and thin!
  • Don’t be a slob
  • Be financially responsible and help him meet financial goals.

Being with a high value man means bringing your A game. But it is so worth it!

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 7 points8 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, this is great advice and a good list. Conveniently we are very much on the same page re: wedding planning (we both think weddings are way too expensive and ridiculous haha) but I could certainly stand to work on looking nicer regularly, instead of just when I feel like it :)

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars26 points27 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Yes I think the 2 keys are “be someone he enjoys being with who makes his life better” and “be someone who he is proud to be with who makes him feel better about himself.”

My husband is high SMV as well. He basically looks like a ken doll and he has a great career and is super outgoing. It is also tough because he works and travels a lot and so I pick up a lot of the slack at home even though I also work. But knowing that there are a line of thirsty women who would be glad to take my place definitely motivates me to go the extra mile with housework and sex and in the gym!

I also think the fact that you have been with your man since before he was a hot shot has a ton of value (if he’s a good man). My husband and I always reminisce about cheap camping trips we took or how uncomfortable our old couch was - stuff from the early days of our relationship. And I know several very high value men who work in film/TV who have average looking wives that they are crazy about. The key is that these women stuck by them and supported them and made life enjoyable even when they were eating ramen and living with roommates. Men are very loyal. Look at many football players who make millions but still hush about their high school sweethearts on social media.

[–]BewareTheOldMan12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

...these women stuck by them and supported them and made life enjoyable even when they were eating ramen and living with roommates.

Key statement right there...

I'm paraphrasing this quote, but this seems appropriate:

"If you want to be the wife of a general, you have to marry a young lieutenant."

We have an interesting modern-day conundrum whereby some women want Mr. Wonderful to show up ready-made without having put in work or having provided dedicated loyalty, fidelity, or support en route to his greatness.

Men have tendency to be loyal to women who were there from the beginning. I see this play out all the time and it just makes sense.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow I love that quote! It applies so perfectly to my relationship.

[–]PhaedrusHunt6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I also think the fact that you have been with your man since before he was a hot shot has a ton of value (if he’s a good man).

Support him in this. I was with my ex-wife for 11 years. I never really let myself slide too much but I noticed I was putting on a little more fat than I liked. I welded a pull-up bar and installed it in the front yard. My ex started to get so jealous and would openly criticize me. A paraphrase, maybe a direct quote: "Who you trying to be, Hercules?" Well why the hell not?

I was a dutiful husband and father, but failed almost every shit test. She was older too, but I could handle that. But she just thought I should serve her constantly. Eventually I left.

My current girlfriend is the same age as me (39) and is VERY attractive. She was already someone who would go to the gym and run 20 to 30 miles a week. But with my career building steam, my having a great attitude, and ability to do well with younger women if I choose to do so, she's stepping it up even more. Adding in some squats and deadlifts to keep that butt nice. Making sure she sleeps enough. Dressing sexy but not slutty. Great sex life. Cooks, does my laundry, never nags.

There are younger women out there that are great looking to be sure, but she brings the whole package.

I'm exclusive with her for a reason, and she appreciates it and lets me know in small but not unnoticed ways.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I can't imagine openly criticizing someone for trying to better themselves. Glad you're happy, and thanks for the insight!

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was the dread that was presented by my working to regain frame. I didn't even realize that's what I was doing at the time.

When we met I was working for myself and doing BJJ religiously. I took a month off to recover from an injury, and she convinced me to take a bit more time off to hit a couple other goals... Next thing I knew it was 8 years and two kids later. My confidence gone. But at my core I knew who I was.

I went back to grad school and started training at the University BJJ club. She got jealous again, and would complain that I was not around enough. Next thing I knew I was sneaking around to train like I was having an affair.

Classic story. Woman falls for AF, tests for cracks in frame, slowly turns him to BB. It's hard to reframe when it's been gone for so long. But the day I told her I was leaving, she understood just how badly she had fucked up.

Sad story really. My family is busted up. But I'm much happier and more attractive at 39 than I was at 29.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Next thing I knew I was sneaking around to train like I was having an affair"... that sucks man. I really am glad for you that you're so much happier now!

[–]Third_Eye_Owl2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Where can I find a woman like that? Women like that are extremely rare to come by.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How old are you? I'm 39, as is she. Weird thing is we've been an inch away from each other for years. I studied Japanese in college. She studied Chinese in the Air Force.

Lived near each other in Hawaii in the early 2000s.

Were neighbors in Austin for years. I lived a block away from her at one point.

She literally lived in the same apartment and room as one of my best friends at one point. When my friend moved out, she moved in.

And she has a very close friend who I know via someone else I was dating at one point.

She always jokes, says of we'd meet when we were 20 we'd have fifty kids by now.

BUT. I honestly believe I had to be in the right place and coming into my own as a more mature and responsible man. She had her stuff to do as well, but I think it was really me that needed to be in the right place.

So the best advice I can give is to work on yourself and let the rest fall into place.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Please take this convo to PM so we keep RPW as advice for women.

Thanks guys

Tag: u/third_eye_owl

[–]PhaedrusHunt0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Haha sorry

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also that username is 💯

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

All good. :-)

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are right for sure (for all of it)

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Be valuable beyond sex and home comforts. Those things are important, don't get me wrong, but they are relatively easy to offer. DH loves that I take care of our home and stay fit and available to him, but to be honest, he could find that again. He's a hot guy in his mid-30s, plus he's super smart, sweet, funny, and a great provider. He's a catch, but I've made myself into a catch too.

I'm not 22, but in addition to keeping fit and dressing how he likes, I've helped him tremendously with his career. Some men like this and some don't. There are many aspects of what DH does that are so beyond me I can't even understand it, but he often consults me about people stuff, strategies for negotiating, etc. When he has a new idea I'm the person he wants to try it out on.

Also, we laugh...like a lot. I can always make DH laugh, one time he was so red faced and gasping and just looked at me and said "no one has ever made me laugh like you do" and I just grinned wildly at him.

It's also part of my job to manage household stuff. Because of my buying strategies and general nature I've helped us save a ton of money. DH frequently brings up how happy he is that I'm not spending crazy. He knows he can trust me to pick out our next couch or plan a vacation or oversee our food budget.

The best thing I think is his takeaway when he thinks of you. Sure, a svelte pretty 22 year old is inherently hot. But when your DH thinks of you, and he instantly visualizes his nice home, the way you promote his goals, the fact that you were with him before he was hot shit (same with me and my DH, he often brings up that he knows my loyalty because of this, loyalty is huge for men), the way you encourage and believe in him, the laughter you share, how fun it is to be together, the new experiences you have getting out of your comfort zones together, plus the sex and food...it's not much of a competition.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like this answer. I know that one of the thing my partner really appreciates about me (and I about him) is that I'm not spendy or materialistic. We are both relatively money-smart individuals with similar money "morals" (ie., live beneath your means, save for the future, pay down debt ASAP, invest to build wealth, and don't spend all your money on frivolous crap, while still recognizing that it is worth spending some money to make yourself happier/more comfortable).

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men value loyalty. He will appreciate you more when he realizes you stuck with him through his less than "a catch" phase.

Also, don't allow yourself to get lazy and his eventual success makes your life easier. Wear attractive clothes around the house. Do your makeup at least mildly daily. Exercise often (do you two go to the gym together?) Give a lot of blowjobs. Let him do that thing he likes to you. Tell him how much you respect and admire him.

The key to keeping someone through a growth period is not necessarily to attempt to avoid getting left behind, it's moreso to avoid getting complacent. He is someone other girls would fight to have, so you should constantly fight to keep him. Don't like your effort or the value you add to your relationship slip in any way.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My question is: he's just going to keep getting "better", so what can I do to keep him/keep up with him?

Be fit, feminine, and ready to f**k. That's 95% of the battle. Men don't tend to trade up like women do, so long as certain needs are met. If you're pleasant to be around, good to look at, supportive and available, he will stay.

[–]unicorn__juice8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

A shared project can be a fun way to spend time/grow together. Your new house need any work done? Paint the walls, create a garden, redesign something... or surprise him with a weekend away :)

[–]radical-trad8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband and I created our garden in our backyard, we call it our private park. We also listen to each other and enjoy seeing the world through each other’s eyes, we like to entertain each other with stories, laughing, good music, it all adds up. If you create a world with your man it will be hard to replace it - build a world that’s special.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is such a lovely sentiment, thank you.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You don't realize until you have been married for a long time how much those share projects mean in terms of a marriage. It comes down to building a future together as a team, and some times that can mean a Saturday working together to fix the washing machine.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We're spending this Saturday building IKEA bookcases and I have to tell you I am weirdly looking forward to it - it really symbolizes this building our life together (for me anyway)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Those IKEA bookcases will mean more than any high end piece of furniture you may purchase in the future. My husband and I built a bookshelf together for his apartment before we married. We only had pieces of lumber, a hand saw, and a hammer. It has been been relocated to the basement for many years, but it is still holding books and sturdy as hell, just as out marriage is.

[–]MGTOWManofMystery4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Take inspiration from today's sacred holiday. It has to do with steak.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I hate the idea of Steak and BJ day because dang it EVERY DAY SHOULD BE STEAK AND A BJ DAY if that's what you and your partner want! (actually, that's not entirely true - you probably shouldn't eat that much steak ;) )

[–]TissueBabies0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sitting and listening to good women like this is going to ruin me.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Then head back over to TRP before it ruins you. There is no such thing as a unicorn and you shouldn't be getting the illusion from us that there is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What constitutes a unicorn in your book?

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A unicorn is a metaphor for men's idealized version of women. This is why it does not exist.

Female nature exists across all women. Some women will rise about their nature, some women will be excellent wives and girlfriends. Men need to understand female nature even in the best relationships with the best women.

Idealizing the women on RPW is not good for any man. Each of us exists in the real world as well as behind the key board. It is possible to give impeccable advice and still cheat on your husband. It is possible to know all the RP theory and still be a controlling shrew to your BF. And it's possible to be exactly as good as you present yourself on RPW and still have flaws and imperfections that would make a man cringe.

Unicorns are fantasy creatures. They are used specifically to help men understand that no woman will live up to the ideal he has in his head.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (42 children) | Copy Link

I think that along with your efforts at self improvement, you also cultivate the mindset that he is lucky to have you, and forget about the other women standing in line. If you are committed to a forever marriage and make the effort to be the best wife you can be, it is unlikely he will find you less valuable in the future. Concentrate on building a good life together and raising your child together and most important keep your own interests so you are interesting to be around.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor11 points12 points  (39 children) | Copy Link

also cultivate the mindset that he is lucky to have you, and forget about the other women standing in line.

I find the idea "I'm lucky to have him" to be far more motivating than "he's lucky to have me".

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (38 children) | Copy Link

But what good is motivation without confidence? If you start to see yourself as less than him, he will see you that way too.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor4 points5 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

They are not mutually exclusive sentiments. One is a much more RP mindset than the other though.

Confidence and motivation are not related. I was confident that I knew how to ride a motorcycle. That didn't stop me from falling on my ass when I tried to stop it on a gravel parking lot at 30mph. Plenty of teenagers are confident that they can do anything when it's patently untrue.

Thinking he is lucky to have you is nice but only thinking that is the path to complacency AND to hypergamy kicking in at some future point.

It is a bit sad if you don't think "I'm lucky to have him". You should marry a man who you think is better than you. Why would you chose someone less than to be your leader? If you aren't lucky to have your man why would you have married him.

I do not lack confidence because I know my husband is smarter than I am. That I am intelligent and captivating enough to keep the attention of a man like that gives me more confidence. That I have to work to keep him interested motivates me to be my best self.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

I agree it is sad if you don't think "I'm lucky to have him." Does that mean you don't deserve him? So your husband is smarter than you. Does that make him better than you?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

I am sorry that my last question was snarky. I just find it interesting that women are using dread against themselves, like it is a way to stave off actual dread from their men.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Well his IQ is in the 160 range so, I mean, in that realm, yes he is. It's not really something you can debate. It doesn't make me feel bad in anyway.

Your snark makes me think that you don't really understand RPW and should be lurking more though.

[–]JeanBroady123 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

So are you saying he is smarter than you? That was never an question. It should not make you feel bad in anyway. The point I am trying to make is about the RP concept of dread. If a woman feels herself inferior and at constant risk of losing her man isn't that what dread is all about? How convenient for a man if a woman dreads herself? He doesn't have to make any self improvements to bring it about. Why would any woman do that to herself? It would be a miserable way to spend a marriage.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You sort of have the right idea, but you have it backwards. Feeling someone is "better than you" doesn't mean that you necessarily feel bad about yourself, it just means that you admire that person.

If /u/girlwithabike's SO has a higher IQ than her, than it means he is smarter than her, and there is nothing she can do about it. But she doesn't beat herself up about it (because she's realistic), but she does get to think he's amazing for his brilliance.

In a way it is sort of like dread gaming yourself, because if you admire your SO for something, than it makes you want to improve yourself so that you are "deserving" of him. That doesn't mean that you are afraid he is going to leave you constantly, it's just one of the basic principles of this sub. If you want to have a good catch, you have to be good catch.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't make me feel bad in anyway. As I said, I can feel lucky to have him outside of thinking he's lucky to have me. u/Fleetingwish has the right of it here.

And it's most assuredly not a miserable way to spend a marriage. I've said for a while, I give advice here because I'm happy. If we were fighting all the time, or I felt insecure or unhappy, then any advice I had would be worthless. You have to fix yourself before you have the right to fix others. I'm incredibly happy. He tells me on a regular basis how sexy/beautiful/smart/etc etc that he thinks I am. He literally sweeps me off my feet and carries me to bed. The sex is amazing. I get coffee in bed in the mornings. He rescues me when I need it. We both go to the gym and keep in shape for each other. We both try to constantly improve for each other. I'm not sure why you would think that he doesn't do anything.

I believe that the thinks he's lucky to have me. He married me and that is a commitment that he didn't just make for the hell of it. I'm not in a constant state of fear that he's going to leave me. I'm a rational person however, so I can look at him and look at the options out there in the world. There are too many things about him that I'd be unable to replace if I got it in my head to branch swing. Hypergamy doesn't care who I am, it cares who he is.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

How convenient for a man if a woman dreads herself?

If you have zero fear he will leave, you have zero incentive to work at the relationship and will take it, yourself, and him for granted. Guaranteed.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I'm lucky to have him = I am appreciative of my mate and my good fortune.

He's lucky to have me = I'm better than he is, I have plenty of options besides him, he should worship my Strong, Independent Womanhood!

Guess which one men respond to better.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

He is lucky to have me because I am doing my best to be a good partner. He is lucky to have me because I see his flaws and love him in spite of them. He is lucky to have me because I am loyal and work hard to make life better for both of us. He is lucky to have me because I entered into our marriage believing it was forever. Of course this can be flipped and applied to him. I am lucky to have him because he is doing his best to be a good partner. Continue the list. What doesn't apply are your examples.

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

He is lucky to have me because I entered into our marriage believing it was forever.

I feel the same about marriage being forever. I think I see what you mean, and why your comments about who's "lucky" are rubbing people the wrong way lol

In RP subs, women's hypergamy is taken as an immutable "truth", and in RPW, the need to recognize and control that hypergamy is strongly emphasized in almost all posts regarding marriage.

What doesn't apply are your examples.

The examples apply in an RP context, because RP concepts assume (as a baseline) that a woman's idea of "marriage = forever" is a variable thing. I know it sounds wrong, but even if it doesn't apply to you, it applies to RP's perception of the generic woman ("it's not about you").

I don't personally disagree with what you say, but I can also see why it doesn't fit into the context of RPW.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Whether or not you think the perception that women take marriage vows less seriously than men is immaterial; the statistics bear it out.

Roughly 50% divorce rate in the US, initiated by the woman in more than 70% of cases.

That's more than double the rate of men.

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I never said RP's "truths" were "wrong" (I wouldn't be hanging out here if I did!).

I said "it sounds wrong", because it would be a natural reaction for any woman who truly take those vows seriously --- many of such women are regular posters in this sub.

I personally think it's counterproductive to nitpick on minor misunderstandings about RP concepts, to the point of driving quality women (women who do take marriage seriously) away from this sub.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Again thank you for your support. There are a number of good women who do value their husbands and their marriages in spite of the norm. I would think that this would be encouraging to both men and women who follow this sub. I have found the idea of wife googles to be reassuring and further motivates me to continue to be the woman my husband fell in love with.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But as the saying goes - I already made up my mind, don't confuse me with facts.

😉

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for helping me understand why I am rubbing people the wrong way. I am just honestly trying to reassure the OP that she should not worry about her future with her SO if she is doing everything she can to to be the best she can be in their relationship. If she is confident and happy in all aspects of their life together it will further strengthen her value in her husbands eyes. I just don't understand why the concept that a woman will be the best she can be because she loves hers husband, is happy in her marriage and in turn wants to make him happy is such a hard thing to accept.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hi! As the OP I appreciate your insight. Honestly though, I don't need more people telling me how great I am...I already get that from a lot of wonderful people (I'm very spoiled haha). A recent relationship ended because I felt like I wasn't "good enough" for the guy, and any attempts to improve myself "for him" felt disingenuous and crappy because I was (rightly) insecure for the relationship.

Current BF makes me feel like a million bucks and has made it suuuuper clear that he thinks I am a great catch :) so knowing I am "lucky to have him" feels totally different, and wanting to "be the best SO" for him comes from a place of deep security, rather than insecurity. It really is like night and day. It's easy to be confident and happy with my life and my partner now :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So you are just looking for insight on how to keep things great in your relationship. It appears you have your shit together in that regard. I too am seeking ways to improve my own marriage not because it isn't great but because there is always room for improvement. Best wishes.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The problem with all your comments here is that you assume men and women to be the same and looking for the same things in a mate. Nothing could be further from the truth.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do not assume men and women are the same. I am just assuming that there are positive binding things in a marriage that are good for both sexes. Is a man's happiness any less than a woman's happiness or vice versa, just because each finds happiness in different aspects of the marriage.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think what works for me is remembering the specific ways he is lucky to have me and vice versa...like, he's lucky to have me because I am a direct communicator and he's garbage at hints lol, and I'm lucky to have him because he is actually puts my happiness ahead of his own...we are good for each other in specific ways outside of our general SMV and what the public sees :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you create a world with your man it will be hard to replace it - build a world that’s special.

radical-trad said it best.

[–]homo_redditorensis2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was just lurking in this sub but i came here to say skincare. If you haven't got a basic antiaging routine yet, the sooner you start, the better. Its easier to prevent lines, wrinkles and sagging than to treat it once they're there.

  • Actives (vitamin c, retinol, acid peels)
  • Sunscreen (sun damage is cumulative. More sun = more collagen breakdown. This is the * most important thing)
  • Moisturizer/hydration
  • (Optional but very effective IMO) Hydrogel under eye or nasolabial fold masks

Skincare isn't an overnight miracle. These things should make your skin better, look younger in the long run and #4 should give you both super fast results that if done consistently, should prevent new wrinkles/lines. I have a more extensive skincare routine but i find it kind of really reassuring that my skin looks 6 years younger than my boyfriend's (who actually looks like hes in his prime and will probs look his absolute best until he starts balding/reaches 40 or whatever comes first). He loves my skin and i get to feel like I'm a younger girl dating an older man but without the baggage (we're the same age). He's happy, I'm happy.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am okay with skin care, but not great - thank you for the reminder!

[–]Hillary_For_Prison 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Keep in shape.

Rim jobs.

Anal.

Be the best wife you can possibly be. Support him in every way you can. Support his career goals and indulge his hobbies.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This guy's on the right track.

[–]JeanBroady123 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Why does every thing boil down to kinky sex here so often? It is so ridiculously tedious.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Tedious to you, maybe.

But it's what men want. That's kind of the point of the whole forum - understanding how men think in order to keep your man happy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I make every effort to keep my man happy. After a couple of tries, my SO decided he wasn't really into anal and although I personally liked it, I respect his comfort zone. The concept of rimming has never enter either of our minds. I do not believe that most men require rimming and anal to meet their sexual needs. I believe it is a few men who need to push the envelope in their relationship who make it such a priority.

[–]Hillary_For_Prison8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I seem to have struck a nerve. I will endeavor to explain it less crudely and with more words.

Being sexually available, sexually accomodating and adventurous are all important to keeping your man interested. Give in to his perverse sexual suggestions. Make a few dirty suggestions of your own. Nothing is depraved in the context marriage. Instead of worrying about such silliness abandon your dignity and endeavor to ensure your husband is not deprived.

Tend your garden well and keep the hedges trimmed. Maintain your body in the best shape you can. Be beautiful for your husband so that he desires you always. Satisfy his lusts at every opportunity. Make opportunities when they do not make themselves often enough.

Support him in his hobbies. Do not crowd him when he wants to spend time on his interests. Spend time with him on his interests and encourage him to spend time with you on yours.

Cook for him. Master the arts of the kitchen. Regular orgasms will get him into your bed but good food will keep him happy.

Encourage him to improve himself. Help him to be the best man he can be. Men love a women who inspire them to ever greater achievements.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Depraved, not Deprived" - I'll get it inscribed somewhere :) thank you! I like all of this.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tend your garden well and keep the hedges trimmed.

This. So much this. I've never understood why some groups of women actively rebel against this. If I wanted a jungle, I'd buy a machete. I guess some guys want that, but... I don't know any.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your words. I agree with everything you have said here. I do endeavor to keep my husband happy and I think that this is solid advice to women who follow this sub. It does outline reasonable goals to follow to ensure that you are meeting your husbands needs and in return it is reasonable to believe that he will be faithful to you and do his best to make you happy in your marriage.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I doubt u/Hillary_for_Prison (infowarsdotcom) meant it as a comprehensive list. My personal preferences are different, but the spirit of the statement is spot-on. I'm surprised that's not obvious to you.

More importantly though - this ain't about you, lady.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I did not mean to suggest that this was about me personally as a lady. However it is supposed to be about us as a collective group of ladies. It is a woman's sub and I for one hate hate hate the raw points of view that does not take into account our feminine sensibilities that every one seems to value so highly and instead presents a crude immature male point of view that does most men an injustice.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey lady, my point of view ain't crude.

I take great pains to ensure any smut I write is articulate, expressive, and mellifluous when read aloud.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OH Lord Byron. You are making me melt!

[–]The__Tren__Train 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

hurry up and marry him, then your SMV won't matter anymore

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tell that to Elon Musk and Mel Gibson and Mick Jagger's ex wives.

[–]The__Tren__Train0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

those women made off like bandits, did they not? tens upon tens of millions of dollars.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bad advice. Not at all RPW.

[–]SilverRiver7 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Make sure your workout is a real workout. I had an ex who was 23-28 during our relationship, and on the tail end of it she started putting on weight and slowly letting herself go. She would watch her calories and go to yoga sessions here and there, but she didn't have it in her to actually do a serious workout and get fit.

If you want to keep fit make sure to do squats with a 40lb barbell, and add weight plates as you progress:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xMaFs0L3ao

Squat with serious weight. You should only be able to do 5 reps before your body just gives out and needs a 4-5 minute rest. If you can do more than 5 reps then you don't have enough weight on there.

Squatting heavy burns calories like crazy and keeps your whole body toned. Squats really do work your whole body. Your legs bend and straighten to move the weight. Your abs and lower back muscles stabilize your trunk while your legs move. Your upper-back, shoulders and arms balance the bar on your back. Many muscles work at the same time, not just your legs.

Remember that a real workout is HARD. When you're squatting real weight you'll go down and then think to yourself "Holy fuck, I honestly don't know if I can stand back up again with this," and you're going to have to just grit your teeth and try.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm actually the one who got is both working out regularly :) I'm up to squatting and deadlifting my bodyweight (how could you leave out deadlifting, my most favourite of all lifts?!?! Haha) but I'm honestly nervous to go too much heavier without hiring a personal trainer for a couple of sessions so I can get some feedback on my form. Upper body I do lat pulldowns at 65% of bodyweight and assisted pull ups with less and less assistance (at this point I can only do like one pull up unassisted and I like to do sets) plus various other things (rows, triceps, ab stuff).

I actually agree with everything you said except: the bar at my gym is 45 lbs and 4-5 minutes sounds like a long-ass rest haha

[–]SilverRiver7 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Oh, nice. Well that puts my response to shame then!

I should probably get a trainer sometime too. I have friends who do the occasional trainer session too, even very well built friends with lots of lifting experience.

If you want to learn about form on your own then check out Mehdi's stronglifts.com site. He has great info pages on each lift:

https://stronglifts.com/squat

https://stronglifts.com/deadlift

The amount of information on there is really quite insane. Just those two sections alone would be a 145 book if printed. If you have any questions about form you'll almost certainly find the answers there.

I just checked the bars at my gym. It looks like they're all 45lb too, god damn it. I though they were 40lb this whole time, which means the records in my lifting log are all 5lb off. It looks like I can actually squat 205lb and not just 200lb. Score, I guess.

I've heard that men tend to lift at or near their max more often. I usually load the bar so heavy that I fail my 5th rep on 2-4 sets. The next workout I repeat the lift with the same weight and find that I can do 5 reps easily, because I've gotten stronger. Then I add yet more weight so that I start failing the 5th rep again. The 4-5 minute rest breaks are vital for me because I'm always pushing myself to failure. Starting a new set after failing the last one would be futile without a very solid break.

I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I've heard that women tend not to work out like this. They'll to load the bar (or so I've heard) with enough weight to be challenged, but not so much that they can't comfortably complete the set. That requires less rest between sets because your body doesn't have to recover from having been pushed to a catastrophic failure point.

[–]masterofthebarkarts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I totally believe about the men vs women lift difference. I will occasionally do a one-rep max just to see if I can but I am deeply afraid of lifting to failure for a set (and a lot of the guys I know who work out are definitely pushing harder than I am). Like, the last rep in a set will be HARD but still doable, and after a 2-3 minute break I can generally complete the next set without issue (as in, it's still hard but I can do it). I know a fair number of people who have hurt themselves trying to lift too much too fast so I try to balance lifting heavy with listening to my body and pacing myself. I figure that I've got the rest of my life to build strength, hopefully!

Thanks for those links! I have been trying to access more information but a lot of it seems contradictory so I'm always skeptical. Luckily a lot of people in my life are into the gym so there's a great support system around me to keep me pumped.

Congratulations on being stronger than you thought! My "dream" goal is to eventually deadlift and squat 200 :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay out of the sun and hit the gym.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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