Red Pill ExampleBeta, sexless man from /r/deadbedrooms accidentally discovers dread game and, big surprise, it's working. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by redpilltom

I enjoy browsing /r/DeadBedrooms, a subreddit for men and women who are not getting sex from their partners. Not because it has great advice or insight, but because it's good to see how others fail and continue to fail and learn from that. It's like the Darwin Awards for relationships. It's funny how are detractors will take us breaking up or divorcing as a sign of complete failure of our beliefs, yet they give the most beta, mainstream advice and that sub has huge failure rate.

However today, among the posts of how you need to "communicate more" and "try doing more chores", I came across this: https://archive.today/UEumt

Basically, this guy has been married for 7 years and gets mediocre sex 10 times a year (I hope he was masturbating, or else those 10 times would last about 10 seconds each). He tried all the regular advice; having the talk, giving her time to change, trying to compliment her, but it has only given him empty promises.

So dejected and at his wit's end, he says "fuck it", and pulls back. He starts running and getting out of the house more. Stops showering her in attention and praise. Stopped lingering in bed for hours trying to get mediocre sex. Starts focusing on everything but her.

And how does she react? Exactly how we all know she would. She's concerned about the lack of physical and emotional attention. She pines for him. She wants more time with him. This wasn't even a full dread game (no jealousy, no major self improvement, no real outside activities), yet she's reacting. With actual RP advice, this guy could save his relationship. He's already seen the truth and has nothing to lose.

Of course the comments are full of people saying that he should stop this (because we all know that when we do something new that provides good results, we should go back to our old ways immediately), trying to blame him for not doing enough foreplay (which he proves wrong), and generally just taking all the blame off of his wife (as is to be expected). But we all know what will happens if he not only keeps the dread up, but increases it. He followed all the unnatural, beta advice he's heard his whole life, and after it not working for 7 years, he finally gave in to his instincts and it's working like a charm.

Another example of how red pill tactics are not necessarily made up power plays, but natural responses that get positive results. Dread game isn't something that we redpillers conjured up in a lab, but that what others naturally do. He is starting to get the sex life he wants (although I'm sure following the horrible advice on that sub will ruin it), is becoming more in shape and being a good father, the wife is feeling new passion for her man, everything is overall better. The only ones unhappy are the betas and feminists, so in general good day for the human race.

[–]Glenbert 134 points135 points  (14 children)

This highlights a general thing in life that drives me batshit. That is the unwillingness to admit that what works is what works. When i see people who are more committed to a principle -- whether religious, feminist or even Red Pill -- instead of the very plain reality in front of them, i want to go crazy.

[–]Senior Contributorcocaine_face 31 points32 points  (7 children)

The important thing is to go for self correcting beliefs - science for example.

Honestly I'd more or less lump TRP in that too - is it effective? Ok, that's the methodology we should have in place.

[–][deleted] 45 points45 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]neveragoodtime 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wow. You just opened up a fundamental problem in our world and especially politics today. They act on how they want the world to be, regardless of its efficacy. Thank you for opening my eyes to that, have an up vote.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

TRP is full of knowledge that gives you great power. As the saying goes with great power comes great responsibility.

Morality discussions to me should basically be mental exercises and a place to consider the greater ramifications of using this knowledge in practice. We know what works but once we know what works we should ask should we be doing this in these circumstances.

TRP knowledge (like dread game and stuff) can be used to repair a marriage from the inside. Likewise it can also be used to destroy one from the outside (banging married women)

[–]catbrainland 1 point2 points  (0 children)

tl;dr: nietzsche / machiavelli

[–]newmewuser 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Traditional morals are just totally inappropriate for this era. They may have being useful in the Iron age when men knew near nothing about the world, but nowadays it is crystal clear for any rational being that they are not only obsolete but a dangerous legacy that do more harm than good.

[–]TheLife_ 5 points6 points  (1 child)

TRP definitely employs the scientific method. We just don't publish papers and research to scientific standards. No point when we're collectively reaching our goals and sharing our experiences.

[–]Glenbert 7 points8 points  (0 children)

More accurately, I think that if enough things here stop working for people this place will go away and a new one will arise. It's like with all the pickup artist tricks and tactics. They've gone mainstream so they no longer work and now people are looking for something different.

It's less of a matter of self correction and more of a matter of creative destruction.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 9 points10 points  (1 child)

The curious thing I've noticed from talking to various BP'ers is that they're broken into two camps. The ones who claim it doesn't work at all (or only works on a small subset of broken women) are almost invariably teenagers. Picture the scrawny, low-testosterone loser in high school. Zero dating experience to relate these concepts.

The other camp is the older crowd that recognizes that it works, but feels it's immoral and unnecessary. Usually more women in this crowd.

[–]1Halfjor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very late comment, but relevant for someone reading this in the future (top posts all time).

TRP is much easier to swallow and understand when you have previous experiences to draw from. When I started reading TRP I had examples from girls I'd been with, my success and failures, and even the behavior of my sisters and mother.

If you take a guy that has nothing to draw from then he won't be able to cross reference anything here with experiences in his own life. It will be much harder to swallow, and can definitely lead to straight up rejection of TRP.

[–]NS_white 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep. What works is not exactly politically correct.

[–]CQC3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely. I was a pretty damn beta kid and teenager, nothing to be proud of. I definitely instinctively harbored some "RP" ideas, like negging, withdrawing attention or not giving time for nothing. Those things alone, even done halfassedly were the only chances I had at anything, but folks harangued me when I said they felt right, or fair, or were even effective.

That crabs in the bucket analogy is spot on.

You'll always receive the things you desire most, when you can muster the power to no longer desire them any longer.

[–]pilledwillingly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a big problem with TRP as a subreddit. There's so much stuff here that WORKS, but you have to dig through a lot of crap to find people discussing it because they are trying to push their own philosophy/agenda that they've subscribed to. It's why the sidebar is infinitely more valuable than the comments.

[–]AllOrDeath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being unwilling to admit reality is, generally, unwise and pathetic, but there are times when not exploiting things can be for the greater good.

[–]Nespos 216 points217 points  (28 children)

From comments:

Get the lube is a clear indicator that you have not put any effort into getting her warmed up.

Doing your own thing working out, Goin gout without her and not wanting sex are all things people would do when they're heading towards a split, not trying to fix things. I guess I don't know what your goal is, but as a female, let me tell you this tactic isn't going to fix things.

"I can't figure out what the problem is, so it must be you." How relieving it would be as a male to have such sophisticated accountability-aversion built right in.

[–]TheRealMouseRat 65 points66 points  (8 children)

actually, a girl noticing her guy doing things to plan for a split would probably make her re-evaluate the relationship. does she want to split up, or does she want to put in more effort? often she puts in more effort.

[–]holzy444 51 points52 points  (5 children)

Isn't that the whole point of dread game ?

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Yup, dread game could definetly result in her breaking up with you but at that point it doesnt matter anymore. Better single and able to pull women than being stuck in the Beta mindset of "Well, she's my wife..."

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not only that.

Who'd want to waste his time and energy, maybe even his resources, exclusively with a teenager, caught in a decaying body, constantly bitching and nagging, with whom you'd have to bargain for sex less than once a month?

If she's ending the relationship, it only shows that she's not willing to reciprocate the effort by putting some effort in by herself, and you are definetly better off without that bitch.

[–]emblasochist 2 points2 points [recovered]

I'd think using dread game as a means to convince a woman to leave the relationship would be the most ideal way for a guy to get rid of a woman he needs to trash. I mean, and this is complete speculation, but if the guy runs dread game and the woman doesn't bite, I can't see her doing nothing, so she'll probably leave him without a second's thought about what she could get out of him. Anyone ever try running dread game with the intent of getting rid of a woman?

[–]mikeTherob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I have. She was an absolute psycho though and it didn't work, I just had to stop being a pussy, bite the bullet, and end it like a man.

[–]1kick6 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Even if she makes the other choice...it's still a better deal.

[–]TheRealMouseRat 8 points9 points  (0 children)

yes, it's a win-win for both people involved. staying in shitty relationships is crap for everyone.

[–]1iluminatiNYC 35 points36 points  (2 children)

The lube thing is dumb. No one knows how either of them are built down there. Sometimes you need a bit of lube to get the party started. :)

Still, dude having a life for himself is a good thing. This isn't dread game as much as him getting off the tip of his woman's clit. If she can't handle this, she probably has some major issues. (Ironically enough, I doubt she's cheating. If she's that enmeshed with dude, she won't have the heart to creep.) He's becoming a human, full stop. If that's dread game, that's defining the Red Pill down.

Now if he's willing to try for the whole package, I'm sure someone will welcome him. :)

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Some chicks holes are just not as wet as others. It happens.

[–]user_none 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And there's the guys in /r/bigdickproblems, for whom lube is almost a necessity.

[–]BlackHeart89 11 points12 points  (3 children)


I love when they put, "as a female". That lets me know that I can take their advice with a grain of salt. Not that I think women are stupid. Its just that every bit of advice I've ever gotten from a female in regards to relationships has either not worked or was just too dumb to even try.

[–]emblasochist 5 points5 points [recovered]

It's not just "as a female" that signals that their opinion is off-kilter. Any time you say something that includes "as a (insert word here)", it means that they don't understand, let alone, consider it valid the experiences of people who don't fall into their chosen category. For that reason, I have removed it from my lexicon.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

As a wealthy, white, cis-male, I'm inclined to agree with you.

[–]getomc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a wealthy, white, cis-male, I'm inclined to agree with you.

[–]1independentmale 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Get the lube is a clear indicator that you have not put any effort into getting her warmed up.

Can you imagine being with that bitch? Next she's going to tell you that "sex starts in the kitchen" bullshit where she claims to get horny watching you do chores.

"I'm not warmed up. You should try mopping the floor, that might do it."

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 27 points28 points  (0 children)

But don't you dare mopping the floor the next time when you want to have sex. What kind of an abusive asshole are you, trying to manipulate her into having sex with you? That's basically rape. It's mop-rape.

[–]LegitAnswers 11 points11 points [recovered]

She's right, in a way. She's right in that it really is the guy's fault for not having a high enough SMV. As TRP members, we should KNOW we can't change their nature in terms of sexual attraction. It's up to us to shape our own lives. We take control of how things turn out, so there really is no one else to blame but ourselves. It's just annoying as fuck to see that many women really do have this same mentality of "I can do no wrong. You have to fix this." I guess most of us would just like to see people take some responsibility.

EDIT: Spelling

[–]Endorsed Contributorzyk0s 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I'm ok with the idea of having all the responsibility of in exchange I have all the authority and power. But these are not patriarchal marriages anymore. And sex is part of the marriage contract, just like provision. If you remove that, there's no point in marrying whatsoever.

[–]LegitAnswers 10 points10 points [recovered]

Exactly. And that's one of the mains reason why feminists irk me: They want all the power with no responsibility. Didn't they fucking watch Spiderman?!

[–]1independentmale 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I disagree that it's his fault. He's been lied to his entire life just like the rest of us. He dotes on her and puts up with her lack of interest because he's been told that's what a good husband does. He's trying to be a good man for her.

These bitches need to start recognizing when they have a good man and treat him right. If they did that, this sub wouldn't exist.

[–]1Jaereth 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Get the lube is a clear indicator that you have not put any effort into getting her warmed up.

Not true. Certain partners may just need it every time. Doesn't mean you're not doing it right.

[–]Hokuto199x 30 points31 points  (0 children)

That sub is very sad, but it was a great wake up call for me. I saw my relationship heading in that direction, and thanks to that sub I knew what wouldn't work. Would you take financial planning advice from a homeless guy? No. Plus a lot of their advice really reminded me of shit I'd already done that had only seemed to make matters worse. It wasn't long after that I found this sub. Finally - advice that made some fucking sense!

The politically correct bullshit doesn't get you what you want. To get what you want you have to understand (and embrace) reality rather than deny it. For a long time I thought maybe it was just me since all of the advice everywhere else echoed the same "communicate better" and "show more respect" and "do more for her" generic shit. How sad is it that this was the first place to tell me to consider it was okay to be a man? By that I mean a man that embraces his masculinity. Everywhere else tells me it's misogyny and patriarchy and rape culture to be the way I want to be, the way every instinct I have tells me to be. Totally ass backwards, IMO.

[–]Endorsed Contributorgekkozorz 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I ctrl-f'd "red pill" and surprisingly didn't get any results. This is usually one of those threads where someone will say "Wait, stop! Just because you used Red Pill tactics to get positive results, that doesn't mean TRP is a good thing! Don't go Red Pill, please, I'm begging you!"

[–]Dreamtrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look at the first post in DB's front page, you could literally re-phrase the title "Red Pill summarized" and everyone is agreeing

[–]RandomHuman117 75 points76 points  (61 children)


This can't be real.

[–]Endorsed Contributorzyk0s 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Have you considered she posted this to have people validate her and tell her to cheat/break up so her conscience can be alleviated?

[–]rpscrote 19 points20 points  (0 children)

this man understands the hamster

[–]arabontour 66 points67 points  (32 children)

Social pressure man, she wants to more than anything in the world but society will view her poorly if they find out.

She'll probably just find a way to fuck dudes discretely then rationalise herself ("but I wasn't loved!") when she gets exposed.

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points  (31 children)

If you want to be an all-star, then you gotta swing the fucking bat yo.

If she's pining to get fucked and you ain't fucking her - that's on you.

Part of being alpha is laying pipe. Dick game - have it.

Then again, this definitely could be the hamster trying to rationalize jumping back on the carousel. Not enough information here to go on, so taking her word on face value she wants cock - and he's not cranking it up.

Here's a clue fellas... If you're in a relationship where girly-girl loves the dick every time you give it to her, then you best be hitting that shit at LEAST 3 times a week MINIMUM. I'm thinking most men coming to this sub are everyday guys. You should be able to hit that shit every single day. Man up and put the pussy on blast, bros. Don't fuck around. Knock the bottom out of that pussy on every opportunity.

Don't give me the "I work hard and I'm tired" excuse. Git motherfucking gud. You should be a Sex God with a mighty and powerful cock that's putting her head on spin and giving her the wiggly giggle every time someone mentions your name.

If you ain't knocking a bitch out with dick, you ain't doing it right.

[–]fugued 23 points23 points [recovered]

This, exactly. I recently left a long-time Deadbedroom situation. several years ago I started working out, eating better, cardio, etc. Dropped 20 lbs and nearly 10 years off of my look. Now have a nympho-girlfriend who is DTF 24x7. my ability to keep up with her is improving but it is still a bit of a challenge. But as you say I will never, ever deny her the D.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (5 children)

It's all about giving her a steady dose of that vitamin D.

[–]Slammin_Muff 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Your sexual innuendo game is fucking tight

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Dude that shit gets you laid - no shit. You lace your subtle talk with a slight flavor of arrogance and sexual innuendo that's not cliche'd - defeating the shit tests with smirks and grinning chuckles 10/10 you will consistently put the biscuit in the basket.

I've used that shit for 25 fucking years - it's tried and tested. Married guy now - still do that shit to my wife and after we've been together for nearly 8 years now and she still lets me do crazy shit like grab her by the back of her hair and bust my nut everywhere.

You have to get your body tight in the gym, but that's only step 1. Out in the field you have to have that attitude matched with a quick wit that can spin their heads around. Fortune favors the bold. Smile, look her right in the eye like you both know she's going to cum hard later - IF you deem her worthy.

[–]HitlersCow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Curious: How old are you?

Also, as a younger guy (24), I see marriage as a lose-lose. What made you decide to marry?

[–]Slammin_Muff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Word to the wise right here man

[–]HitlersCow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But as you say I will never, ever deny her the D.

Denying sex occasionally is incredibly powerful. I fuck on my terms, not hers.

Never say never.

[–]FrameWalker 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Hey how often do you fuck plates I've been sticking to the once a week by defaukt

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well I think plates are a different story. You're not with them all the time so I'd say 90% of your "get-togethers" need to include fornication - or else why you spinning the plate?

Relationships require regular maintenance as a general rule.

[–]iStillEatSnakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good point all around. The main thing that I get from this is not enough info. Too short of a blurb and we don't know wjat the guy has to say. If you got a girl who loves the D, make sure to give it to her.

[–]PedophilePriest 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I agree with everything you said, except the 3 time minimum. Too low you can do that in one day. If your living together in a committed relationship, i'd go with a 7-10 time minimum.

Also knocking out girls with my dick is a pretty amazing feeling. That should be the goal every time you hit it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

When you get older and have kids and shit, logistics of hitting the trim start to become an issue. If it's just you and your girl - then hell yeah - every morning and every night 3 out of every 4 weeks.

For men in marriages with kids - I'd say 3 times a week is a hard floor, where more than that is ideal.

[–]BeautyQuark 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe that 2-3 times is supposedly the average number of times per week. So yes that should be the hard floor. The other major difference when your married is learning to back off and please yourself.

I use to always leave my wife damn near unconscious from our sessions. Literally her entire body would go completely limp and she would not be able to move for 5-10 minutes. This would lead to a DECREASE in sex, as she just would not have the energy for a 1 to 2 hour fuckfest. I have made changes and now try to keep actual intercourse to almost always less than 20 minutes, and usually 5 to 15 minutes. She initiates more than I do, and will beg me to fuck her.

TL:DR In LTR game it is almost always better to err on the side of less orgasms than more orgasms for the woman. Make her chase the orgasms that she knows you have the power to give, and only occasionally unleash your full power. Be her SEX god, and remember too much of a good thing is probably unhealthy for her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it hits streaks and patches. Morning/night/morning, then nothing for a few days, then Night/morning, a blowie a day later. I find telling my wife that I'm hard and there is no reason I should have to take care of it works. The biggest thing is I have to keep MY attitude about sex right, and she follows

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good fucking lord this gave me a hearty chuckle because it's so true. +1 sir.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I would hit it once a day when I was with my exes. Bare minimum.

[–]HS-Thompson 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That seems shockingly normal to me. Dude probably thinks he has everything locked down and stable, but doesn't realize that he needs to leave his women breathless and satisfied often or she'll be yearning for other cocks.

That's straight TRP theory right there, seems plenty real to me.

[–]TattedGuyser 26 points27 points  (16 children)

Odds are shes a fat and homely and the invites out are just being polite. She wants the hot guy at the office to want to fuck her, but if your guy at home isn't doing it... chances are you've become boring and gross.

[–]Glenbert 20 points21 points  (12 children)

That is totally what's going on here. I was in a relationship with a woman like this once. She started putting on a lot of weight, and the fatter she got the more delusional she got.

Here's what really happened...

Hot guy from office: Okay everybody, let's go get some beers.

Other female coworker: What about, y'know, her.

HGFO: Oh right. I'll ask her to join, but only if you blow me later in the parking garage.

OFC: Oh Chad, you get me so wet.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]widec 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I've been reading TRP for a while, and lately this place is turning into an angry circlejerk. It used to be about self improvement and and people discussing facts.

Please, it's been like that for as long as I can remember it, and this account has been around for a while. If you can't separate the good from the bad, then you probably want to refrain from reading the subreddit.

[–]1independentmale 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fuck you, that was hilarious. Concern trolling used to result in a ban. Pity the mods are spread so thin these days.

[–]Glenbert 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are basing that on absolutely nothing. All we have is a 4 sentance blurb.

But I have 4 sentences! You said so yourself!

[–]Crackertron 7 points8 points  (2 children)

You would be amazed at all the attractive women I work with who's husbands don't fuck them. Usually WOW or COD widows, or the guy is getting plastered as soon as he walks in the door from work.

[–]TattedGuyser 4 points5 points  (1 child)

yeah I imagine it happens, but everyone acts like it's only the mans job to maintain all the attraction. If all she does is the starfish yeah I wouldn't fuck her either.

I should have put:

chances are you've become boring and/or gross.

Hot chicks are awesome to screw once, twice or even 10 times, but once in an LTR, it takes more then a body to maintain attraction.

You would be amazed at all the attractive women I work with who's husbands don't fuck them

You're playing a dangerous game talking about sex with women at work. Be wary of the backstabbing that's almost sure to come.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They may be mentioning it to get some strange on the side. He ignores it, no problem.

[–]Mightyskunk 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This was my exact complaint about my wife until I discovered dread game. Now I get whatever I want, when I want, and with enthusiasm. Now my problem is that the other girl wants my dick, knowing full well that she is my wing man. Or, wing woman. Feast or famine.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 3 points4 points  (2 children)

She's probably a 4 or a 5 that got the attention of a 7-8 guy that wants an easy lay. Beta boyfriend at home is probably similarly a 4-5.

[–]1Dev_on 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Pragmatism isn't about speculation Stick to what you know and save the bias fantasy for somewhere else

[–]1Dev_on -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Pragmatism isn't about speculation Stick to what you know and save the bias fantasy for somewhere else

[–]BlackHeart89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It could be. But it doesn't mean anything. Enough info wasn't given. The question is, how long has she had to go without sex before she seriously started to contemplate fucking some other dude.

If the guy is truly neglecting her, then thats on him. He's fucking up.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Dread does the body good.

Note that this was just subtle dread- self improvement, put yourself first, get in shape, stand up for yourself, get busy. There are a lot of people who think that "Dread" means sexting photos of you screwing some random hottie to your wife.

Dread is subtle and it is not cruel or capricious. Dread is completely necessary for any happy, normal relationship and they have lied to us about that fact for almost 50 years.

[–]1iluminatiNYC 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I went back and read the original, and man am I feeling it. Dude isn't even anywhere near the Red Pill. He's just taking the hint of very blatant signs of a lack of interest. That homegirl wants him to hang around despite her rejecting him is a sign that she's a loser. I'm not sure I'd want her back after this. Dude needs to move on. I don't know how obvious the hints have to be. The wife buying a billboard saying that she doesn't want to fuck? LOL

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I can't be the only person who finds it amusing how people who have a case of dead bedroom ask for advice on a sub that gives thems a higher chance to interact with others who suffer from the same exact thing.

That's like asking /r/burnedmyfood for advice on how to become a better cook or some shit. True, everyone at some point burned something but where is more likely to find the people who learned their lesson in order to learn from them?

[–]Lt_Muffintoes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The only advice one should take from failure is what not to do.

[–]a_nus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's focusing on himself and getting a positive reaction from her? Abuse!

[–]SwissPablo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's pretty simple really: introduce a little uncertainty and mystery and it keeps a woman's interest. Too much communication just means you give all your power away.

[–]justinsayin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She's concerned about the lack of physical and emotional attention. She pines for him. She wants more time with him.

This also works unintentionally when guys get old enough that their drive naturally slows down.

[–]1raceAround126 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is exactly how I found the red pill. I even posted this sort of thread on dead bedrooms

[–]trp222 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Women's financial strategy of beta bux is amoral, so why shouldn't men use amoral sexual strategy?

[–]user_none 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From a previously married guy's perspective, I like browsing /r/deadbedrooms as well. The one recommendation that has me cringe just about every time is, "Go to counseling." I'm sure there may be good counselors out there, though I wonder how many people know the abysmal success rates of marital counseling are, in terms of couples that stay together. It's been a few years, but I seem to remember the success rates being around 20-30% - that's horrible.

"Talk more!"

"Do more around the house."

"Take her on special dates."

Fuck that. Get your ass in shape if you're not already. Get off the couch. Fix shit around the house if you own one. Work on the car and get greasy. Lift heavy shit, be productive, break a mean sweat. Don't cower in fear that you may piss her off if you don't go with her every whim. Be the rock. Be the anchor of her ship in a storm. Most of all, own her in bed.

[–]JackGoldsteinWrites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a non-story in my humble opinion.

The male versions of this already exist anyway (seekingarrangement, etc. )

Even if this takes off, men will learn to game it. That's the nature of men. They will reverse engineer the algorithm, either logically or intuitively, and game it, like they learned game for girls (i.e., dot their linked in profiles with the buzzwords).

[–]Xbitz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So many Virgins in that sub giving advice. lol

[–]Upvote_To_The_Left -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This drives me crazy. if you are a virgin, you should be ashamed to give advice. shut up and get laid.

[–]Screambloodyleprosy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped sleeping in the same bed as my wife, and this was one big reason (out of many). I'd rather be celibate than listen to endless excuses (often blaming me) and have my interest be interpreted as pressure. Actually it's not even "interest" that's pressure - me not doing or saying ANYTHING is "pressure" because "she can tell" I'm wanting more. However, it's pretty much celibacy for me now, and honestly it's better than the bullshit before. But unless that's acceptable to you, I wouldn't push the game too far - assuming other stuff is working well enough. Go ahead and get the lube but try to be real - be close. If SHE starfishes then you can just get up and say that's not what you want, and go do whatever you were going to do otherwise

Why is this guy even commenting? He could follow what OP has done and improve his situation, yet he is on here commenting about how to do things and he can't even do them himself!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldnt bother with dread if I was getting it ten times a year.id just fuck someone else.

[–]shafe616 1 points1 points [recovered]

I'm not entirely sure what the dread game is but I think I understand it enough. I've gone on 5 dates with a hot sexy girl over the bast 4 weeks, the dates are great and I get her to my home but she wont have sex with me..shes "not ready" and "doesn't want to get hurt again" so ive cut back on the attention (texts, calls, etc) and I get her saying she misses our chats, etc. Its hard for me to do play the dread game because im scared ill lose her but I know I must play it even more than I have been.

[–]PrivilegedOne 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Dread game is utilized more with longer relationships going stale rather than new ones while they're in the process of blossoming. Did you never read The Game? It sounds like you're struggling more with last minute resistances than anything else and that should be more towards where you need help than dread game.

Dread game works when people are more heavily invested in a relationship. When you haven't had sex yet though? She might think you're gay, not interested in her romantically, don't find her attractive, or you found someone else. She has no fucking clue which way it's going to be, and if you're pulling back and pulling dread, she has no way to find out. Now you've given her free time, haven't shown interest in a while, don't be too surprised if she finds another boyfriend while you're doing that.

[–]shafe616 2 points2 points [recovered]

Cool I'll look into last minute resistance. I am worried she will lose interest but I am also worried she will be turned off if I show her too much attention. Im trying to have her gain interest in me and create doubt in her mind, the push and pull technique. You're right tho, I think its time for me to "pull" and show her some more attention.

[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also consider that she's using you for BB. That she's not DTF after 5 dates means, to me, at least, that she's just not that attracted to you.

[–]vox_veritas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're exactly right. This is LMR, not a dread game situation.

[–]Glenbert 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Dread game has zero application to your situation. It's a strategy for LTRs.

[–]igotbeatbydre 4 points4 points [recovered]

So you actually found a girl who isn't a hoebag and you're running dread game because of it? That's just stupid. Girls who are reserved like that are really hard to come by. I hate when girls say "i don't want to get hurt again" but she seems like the type of girl who wants a strong emotional connection before sex. Which is a good thing

[–]shafe616 6 points6 points [recovered]

On the contrary her saying "she doesn't want to get hurt again" means she has giving it up for alphas in the past and now she sees me as a beta who will accept this "shit" test and comply into her orbit?

[–]shafe616 3 points3 points [recovered]

I agree but I'm worried that I will become stuck in her orbit and be the friend guy that supports her. I dont want to be another one of her beta freinds I want to be her alpha

[–]igotbeatbydre 2 points2 points [recovered]

Just make it clear what your intentions are. Kiss her. Hold her hand. Get a bj. Do everything else. If she starts treating you like a friend or doesn't give it up by a month or 2 then drop her.

[–]shafe616 1 points1 points [recovered]

Good advice I may have been jumping the gun with pressuring sex so soon. 2 months sounds like a good rule of thumb. I was told you don't want to be the one who "controls" the relationship, but I guess stating that you are looking for something more than friends isnt a bad idea.

[–]Olipyr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a month or 2? this is insanity.

You want to be aiming for 10-20 hours total time in her company. Group time counts. Bar time counts. Time alone counts. That's about 3-4 dates.

"Not ready" and "Don't want to get hurt" is classic "you are beta and I will make you wait". It's heading towards gf/bf but without the hot sex to get it started. You'll always be in second place.

To avoid being an orbiter simply don't be an orbiter. Don't be "doing stuff for her". Certainly not paying. Not too much attention. Don't be putting in everything and getting nothing. Do what you want and invite her along. Escalate. Make shit happen. Don't settle for second best.

It's not dread game if you're not in a LTR, but you should be covertly implying you're seeing other girls. Do this by seeing other girls and not denying anything. Do not be too overt about it.

Another classic beta behaviour is "not wanting to lose her". Alpha is "she doesn't want to lose me". Reality is a blend of both. Women play their cards close to their (lovely) chests, but do be aware of this dynamic.

[–]vox_veritas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't be fatalistic about it. If you want something, take the steps to make it happen.