How to get out of the little sister/ friend zone?

uniqueeleni · 2019-09-26T05:48:43+00:00

Look at the women they are choosing to be with. Do you see any differences?

failingtheturingtest · 2019-09-26T06:47:39+00:00

To help get more specific advice, it might help to edit some more information into your post.

How old are you/they? Can you give examples of what they do that makes you think they are interested in you? What sort of friendships are these? How long does it take for them to change into sister mode? Are they successful with other women?

116ill · 2019-09-26T09:19:18+00:00

Here is a tip: ask them. Pick one, whatever your criteria, and ask. Hypothetical ”what if” style or straight forward “balls-to-the-wall”. Whichever.. whatever..

But it is probably something very specific to... 1. The guys you like 2. Said guys expectations 3. Your expectations

e.g. You get to a certain point in the pre-dating phase and said guys, on average, expect something from you that you’re not giving / doing... and vice versa.

If you really want to know... I think you bite the bullet and ask.

You do you but maybe go with someone that “tells it like it is”.

Hell... if you know said friend groups, are a part of one or more... maybe consider asking one of there friends. Idk.. just spitballing here.

I believe in you. It’s not difficult. It’s a question.. followed by a conversation. Right now, for all you know, you’re doomed to repeat this loop. Forever trapped. And you’re going to still be “zoned” with whomever you ask, even if you don’t ask them.. right?

So what is the loss. Again, I believe in you. Do it in person, do it where you’re comfortable, and ask! :D

notgoingtodothat · 2019-09-26T05:32:44+00:00

This is happening for the same reason we friendzone guys - they don’t want to have sex with you. For whatever reason they don’t find you attractive. Men are simple.

philltered · 2019-09-26T06:38:54+00:00

Hmm start with describing your physical characteristics? (Note that cute is not the same as 'HOT', it is sometimes synonymous with nice. As a guy, nice guys keep being called cute all the time and girls won't date them.

And then tell us whether you have a motherly protective nature or not.

There is definitely a way out of this zone and we all shall find it for you, together :)

Helmet_Icicle · 2019-09-26T08:06:57+00:00

Be more sexual.

Andrea_Arlolski · 2019-09-26T04:45:32+00:00

Men and women mean different things when they say "cute". You don't want men to think you're cute unless you're a child or a puppy. You want men to think you're hot.

Find some things that are traditionally hot that you aren't doing that you would like to do. Men don't "little sister" hot women.

HB3234 · 2019-09-26T16:58:43+00:00

You describe youreself as motherly and protective in several comments (assuming u/scaredadvice and u/canadian6267 are the same person, since they are writing like they are OP).

Men don't want a protector, they want to be the protector. Men don't want a mother who nurtures their best, they want a woman who inspires their best.

If you mother a man, you don't make him feel respected and admired - you make him feel like a child. He needs to feel your admiration and respect and trust in order for him to cherish you and take care of you (aka court you rather than sleep with you).

It sounds like you have the charisma to attract them - you are cute and have an interesting story (artistic accomplishment), but you lack the girl game to keep them around.

jayval90 · 2019-09-26T14:49:15+00:00

What wifely talents do you have, and do they get to see that side of you? For example, do you cook well, and do you regularly have the opportunity to bring dishes that you cook? There's an old adage that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." It doesn't have to be fancy food, just good food that makes him think pleasant thoughts when he thinks of you.

I'm assuming that you're angling for an LTR not just a quick lay. Guys who are horsing around with lots of hot chicks tend to avoid doing that with girls they like on a deeper level. I wouldn't recommend jumping into that game.

The other thing is that if the alpha guys won't give you the kind of attention that you're looking for, maybe you should focus on the less alpha guys. I get that you're not going to instantly be as attracted to them as you are the alpha guys, but attraction can grow (assuming the absence of red flags) if you give it a chance.

Canadian6267 · 2019-09-26T13:37:24+00:00

I am def motherly and protective (but I thought guys liked that in some sense?) And I get called cute all the time and beautiful sometimes. Rarely hot, once in awhile.

lilasbaby2 · 2019-09-26T16:03:42+00:00

What kind of clothing do you usually wear?

vulcan_fury · 2019-09-26T17:59:21+00:00

Are you sure those guys are straight?

failingtheturingtest · 2019-09-26T20:43:39+00:00

If one of these men you like broke your heart next week and all of your mutual acquaintances found out about it, how much could this damage their social or professional life? You may just be a risk.

Dating you briefly, having a bit of fun, and then it ending all seems fine when they don't know you.

But then you become a protected species: a petite, pretty, timid girl who's bubbly and fun and caring, doesn't sleep around and doesn't seem to date a lot.

If I'm the asshole who breaks your heart in the group for my own selfish desires, I'm anathema. If that group is an extended social circle my name is mud and I don't get invited to social events that you might be invited to. If it's professional... Could be worse

Dangopak · 2019-09-26T17:46:01+00:00

I usually friend zone virgin women because I'm pretty sure I don't want to hurt them after sex or not in a position for long term commitment, I also feel they might get too clingy after sex hence I don't escalate sexually,and I don't girlfriend them because I feel there's some mismatch with our compatibility. Trust me if you're virgin it's better to wait for guy who's interested in a longer term commitment.

SolitarySperg · 2019-09-26T20:46:15+00:00

I recommend being more intense. You don't really need to say much, just look at them like you look like them when they're not looking even when they're looking. Straight in their eyes. And if they say something painfully unfunny you can try laughing your ass off to make them think "damn this girl is really into me". If you only laugh but are not intense he will think you're buddies.

Firbolgar · 2019-09-26T21:26:14+00:00

If you've hooked up with one of them, they may view you as so-and-so's FWB/side woman?

MandyR710 · 2019-09-26T23:25:25+00:00

just not the right guys for you sis

diotimasimha · 2019-09-27T11:59:27+00:00

Men will put you in the friendzone, when:

a) they think you are attractive but they arent in love with you because of your personality

b) they really like your personality but they don't think you arent their cup of tea physically (which doesnt mean you are unattractive. men just have a different taste)

c) they dont think they are man enough for being with you and so they act like this to cover up and other reasons

LateralThinker13 · 2019-09-27T16:04:58+00:00

Your post is a little sparse on details so I trawled your other posts a bit. My suspicion was that it was your personality - men looking for a girlfriend want a woman who wants/needs them, not a mother to nurture them or a child who needs to be parented. Also, there's artsy/talented, and then there's flaky and free-spirited-but-a-hippie-idiot, and I don't know where you fall on the scale. So here's what I found:

You have ADHD. This matters because it affects how you deal with everything in life. Likely you're late, flighty, lack focus, and come across as unable to meet deadlines... and to most men, you come across as irresponsible, unserious, lacking respect, and pointless. A cute little Tinkerbell fluttering around, but not girlfriend material.

You are ENFJ. Potential weaknesses of this personality type are Indecisiveness, Low Self-Esteem, Oversensitivity, Excessive Idealism, and giving too much of yourself to the point of self-neglect.

You have a crap family and Narcissistic mother. When you are afraid to have partners know about or meet your parents, that's often a red flag. Plus, it's likely had a lot of negative effects on you (see earlier re: low self esteem from her criticisms).

So, in conclusion, the problem appears to be your personality and behavior. Men date downwards, but they don't want to date too far downwards, and it sounds like you need to a) step up your game, and b) realize what your own self-worth and value is. Once you understand what your real SMV is right now, and accept and actually act on how to raise it, you'll find guys who will date you.

NAILmg42 · 2019-09-28T03:22:58+00:00

Come on darling. You said they were alpha types right? So they can probably get what they like without a relationship. Think about it.

Look for the guy signs. Is there a respect among the men? Do any of them have girlfriends? Would they let any girl come between them and their success? If they are 20 to 30 and smart in 2019 and cute girls like you are attracted to them, then they are doing everything right and you are doing nothing wrong.

Women have done the same with me and I'm a 6 or 7 without much money yet. Don't let them know by the way your upset if they aren't interested. It never works on a guy who never needed that woman anyway.

If I had another girlfriend in my circles, I would lose the respect of some of my friends. We know how much freedom it cost. If you are cute and are on this subreddit you should be able to deal with the average alpha no problems if they are single and don't wish to remain so.

If I am right about him and his friends, you coming in as his friend leads in to be a girlfriend and it's the smart position. If it's a vacant position because he has no need to fill it, there will be signs that most women don't pick up on because ladies like to believe they can control the men as most do. But men are positioning themselves smarter now. If he gets what he wants anyway, anything else is literally a threat. That's how many fortunate men see it.

slappysq · 2019-09-29T02:34:34+00:00

What is your BMI?

peachblushbaby · 2019-10-02T11:12:19+00:00

I'm cute rather than sexy or hot and I have way more luck with introverted geeky men and it helps because this is my type.

A lot of my platonic friends end up being extroverted men. I am not really attracted to them either so it suits me.

Maybe you need to go for a different type of man if possible.

You are also probably less attractive then you think you are. There really isn't much you can do about your genetics. I am not exactly beautiful or hot even when I'm in good shape. It's not in my demeanor, looks or personality.

Manny1400 · 2019-09-26T17:38:22+00:00

I suspect that the guys you have your eye on are pretty simple, uncultured, and shallow.

You say you are artistic and talented --you need to find a guy who appreciates that, and is honestly interested in it. For instance, if you are a classical musician, and a guy you know shows up to one of your recitals or practices, that is a very good sign. Or if it is fine art, maybe a guy wants to go with you to a gallery opening, or to see some of your art.

When I hear "Alpha male" I think meathead in a baseball cap who works as a personal trainer and has a GED. Or I think of a loud mouth fuckboi others guys can't stand. A dude who embarrasses other guys.

You are being sister-zoned because these guys aren't interested in the things you are interested in, and might even be a bit intimidated by you.