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Red Pill TheoryStoic guy tells girlfriend she isn't 'his', and that if she cheats he wouldn't get overly emotional about it. Her brain has total meltdown. Reason: He indirectly (and without knowing) played a very powerful dread game card. Analysis inside. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone

Interesting one.

https://archive.today/7TFUJ

This turns out to be a huge powerplay for the guy. He indirectly states something that could be interpreted as "he doesn't care about the relationship" and this leaves the girl thinking that his commitment can end at any time.

Guy likely thinks his girl is 'crazy like all girls' and was being all emotional over nothing, and unable to have a logical discussion. To him it is obvious that he cares about her and is enjoying the relationship - they just had sex all day. But he just doesn't understand what went wrong or how to resolve it.

Now, lets be honest here, after 2 years of a beautiful, fully committed relationship this made me almost burst out in tears. I had no idea where the FUCK those comments of his were coming from because I had never cheated on him, there was never any inclination that I was, he has never asked me if I am and I would never do such a thing. The concept of cheating is soooo far from the realm of our relationship that its not even a thought.

He believes what he said (or is telling himself what he wants/should believe out loud); that he accepts that he cant control her 100% of the time, and therefore wont let her actions have too much power over him. I believe that he tells her as he is just sharing his worldview (oxytocin from sex + I've made similar mistakes myself) and trying to rationally explain to her how she should see the world in order to avoid getting very hurt in the event of breakups. He likely cares about her and is opening up.

However, he indirectly communicates that she might be in other relationships than him in the future, therefore saying that the current relationship might not last forever. This is all the girl hears as they constantly picking up signs of commitment or lack thereof. Men tend to be blind and just notice sex stopping.

The conversation now splits into two. The girl will talk only about the subtext, but will not be able to explicitly state what the subtext is as it puts her in a very powerless position to say "this is a discussion about you stating you are not committing to me or would not be hurt if we broke up". Her immediate thought was that he is cheating or thinks that she is cheating - "why else would he not care if I cheated than if he had cheated himself? or does he think i cheated and is trying to trick me into saying that i did? or is he trying to be above me by saying that he wouldn't even care if i cheated?".

It is up to the guy to figure out the subtext, but he is too busy in "logical debate" mode. He likely will see the discussion being about "whether you should fall really hard for somebody or not" - in which case he believes is best for people from his experience (which she lacks). He is debating/arguing his case and thinks she thinks that she knows better, so must explain that she has less experience and should agree with him and change her views.

He will argue his case and be annoyed that his girlfriend's responses lack logic. She will be upset at him continually repeating a subtext statement that she finds very upsetting (especially after a great day of sex and tv together - "why is he saying this to me?!"). She will try to place the situation in one of two categories: 1. he is cheating on her/about to leave 2. he thinks she cheated. She will not find an answer that fits in those two buckets and be upset then go to reddit for advice later on.

Other points:

  • Guy might equate honesty with trust and generosity. Girl probably will not understand that.

  • As you would expect the comments in that thread are all: guy is asshole and probably cheating.

  • Guy understands that as much as the girl is in love with him now, it can disappear fast. Girl does not know / cannot see this.

  • Often when your girlfriend becomes very emotional for 'no reason' the underlying cause is doubt over commitment. A little doubt is good, should never be 100% comfortable as you get lazy, and she wants/needs to feel some emotion. A lot of doubt thrown in at a happy time for seemingly no reason is bad.

  • To simplify heavily: Direct/Indirect statements of commitment (or lack thereof) are your currency, and her currency is sex. The exchange rate is a factor of your alpha-ness.


Conclusion: Dude made a mistake talking to her like that. Should not say things that can be interpreted as commitment starting to vanish unless the girl has negative behaviors. Hurt her feelings at a time he should have offered positive reinforcement and love. Dude likely will not figure out what the misunderstanding was, and neither will girl. In order to resolve situation one will have to really try to understand the worldview of the other. Until then she will be just another 'crazy, emotional' girl and he will be just an 'insensitive asshole' guy.


[–]untitled1 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Had this conversation with a LTR once:

Her: If I fell in love with someone else, would you try to win me back?

Me: No. I mean, I would be sad that you were gone. But if you are happier being with somebody else, you should be with that person instead of me.

Her: But... I want to be with somebody who is willing to fight for me!

Me: Why would I fight for someone who chose somebody else? Why would I fight for someone who doesn't even want to be with me?

And she couldn't wrap her head around this. She was moody for the next week, saying I didn't love her. She was the one cheating on me in a hypothetical situation, yet I was the one who didn't love her.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everything she does is your fault. I wish I knew that earlier.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You handled it mostly correctly. Good on you.

[–]1cover20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unless the sex were really great I would have dumped her for asking that. I don't need that kind of shit.

Certainly would expect later cheating.

To my thinking you handled it perfectly. And then you could start thinking of alternatives, quietly.

[–]redpillshadow 302 points303 points  (71 children)

Failures of equality.

Him:

Honey, I'm not gonna judge you I know you're an amazing person but it doesn't matter to me who cheats because I stand on my own.

You can't cheat on me because you aren't mine. I take no ownership over you. I see no contract, you could fuck whoever you want, I don't care

What he is trying to express is "I am not yours. You do not own me. You will never own me. I stand on my own".

But he is plugged in, so he thinks it is the same for men and women. By telling her she should be "strong, free and independent", the feminist mantra, he thinks he is giving her valuable life advice. And by doing so he rips her heart out. It is not a power play, it is not dread, he just nuked the relationship. She wants to be owned, women want to be owned by an alpha. They want the security of him making the decisions and thus taking responsibility. They want their rock.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 139 points140 points  (66 children)

Exactly. The guy is critically close to being Red Pill, but that Blue Pill idea that men and women experience the world in the same way is what is holding him back.

I don't think he's necessarily nuked the relationship right now, though.

Here's what'll happen: One day, she will expect him to protect her, but he'll step back and tell her to defend herself and become mature in the process. She'll accuse him of abandoning her in her time of need, using guilt as a way of roping him in. If he falls for it, he's beta in her eyes and she jetpacks outta there. If he gives her the same spiel, she'll still plan on leaving, but she'll do so more quietly. Her eye will begin looking for a similar guy with a more fatherly persona.

[–]redpillshadow 55 points56 points  (56 children)

She won't break up right now, but her life plan has changed.

The comfort test right at the start "I hope you know I would never cheat on you." and other lines further down like "I was going to be with this guy forever." make it clear that she was thinking about having his children. Not just children (what wall victims think about), but his children.

I don't think that part is fixable. So yes, she will be looking for a branch swing with emphasis on more fatherly qualities.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 61 points62 points  (50 children)

When girlfriend said:

I hope you know I would never cheat on you.

the best Red Pill response would have been:

I know.

[–]FromSuburbia 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Han Solo that bitch, bitches love Han Solo.

[–]1runnerrun2 19 points20 points  (9 children)

Or

you better not

possibly adding

you know I'd kick your ass to the curb right?

Might sound harsh but I heard my friend's dad, who is pretty much an alpha role-model, say stuff like this. With his wife in the conversation and the topic about a cheating girl he said "my wife would never have to try that, she knows I'd kick her out the door." She just stood there.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 46 points47 points  (4 children)

Your friend's dad said it harshly because he was in mixed company. The posturing is for you, not for his wife.

When you're alone with the girl, passive and indifferent confidence is the best tone to use.

[–]1runnerrun2 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Oh I agree, but I wanted to point out that you can say those things too.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 24 points25 points  (1 child)

You can, but context matters. Newbies don't know the difference, so it's important to illustrate the differences.

[–]1aguy01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. I like to take the approach of 'if you are the kind of person that will cheat, I'd rather know sooner than later so I can move on'

[–]Lt_Muffintoes 18 points19 points  (1 child)

The fact you need to say it can point at weakness.

I don't need to tell my mates not to piss on my shoes. It wouldn't even occur to me to say that. If it did, it would mean that I fear them pissing on my shoes, and acknowledges even the slightest possibility that they might.

An alpha doesn't care if his bitch cheats, because:

1] It doesn't cross his mind that she would
2] If she does, she loses out
3] Her cheating demonstrates low value for long term prospects anyway
3] There's plenty of pussy

CH article on mate guarding

/u/HumanSockPuppet 's response, or a simple staring down are the most appropriate.

[–]Wheyman92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Couldn't have said it better.

[–]Wheyman92 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sounds very beta and needy. "you better not" or else what? That's threatening in tone.

"If you did I would leave you, and we both know I'm too good to lose" and give her a kiss, smack on the ass, pull her in, whatever the fuck. It shows aloofness, self-confidence, and physical domination.

[–]throwwwwwaw 5 points6 points  (33 children)

I'm new and have been struggling with this part of TRP, please bear the newbie question.

What should he have answered if she directly asked him if he would mind her cheating?

I know the "correct" TRP answer is yes, but why? I would think answering "Yes, I forbid you to fuck other guys" would sound insecure, implying "I'm afraid you'd find a more alpha guy, leaving me all alone".

Wouldn't answering "No, I don't care if you fuck other guys" imply "nobody's as alpha as me, even if you fucked another guy you'd see he's way below me".

Should the answer be different depending on if it's a plate or an LTR?

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 42 points43 points  (21 children)

What should he have answered if she directly asked him if he would mind her cheating?

I know the "correct" TRP answer is yes

Wrong. The correct answer is "no".

When you tell your girlfriend that you don't care if she cheats, what you're sub-communicating is that she is insignificant and replaceable.

Women understand implicitly that their fidelity is their most valuable resource. It's why they go to the greatest lengths to deceive and defy you when exploiting it.

Women also understand that sex is an inexpensive commodity for powerful men. If she won't give it to him the way he wants, he'll easily get it elsewhere.

Here's an example of a guy doing just that. Note how the girl backpedals when her boyfriend gives her the boot. She tries to backwards-rationalize her slutty inclinations as innocent curiosity and open-mindedness. Also note how boyfriend's indifference makes him seem so much more powerful:

http://www.redditlog.com/snapshots/32294

Should the answer be different depending on if it's a plate or an LTR?

I'll write a post on this soon.

[–]Ifuckinglovepron 16 points17 points  (4 children)

"Yeah I would mind, it will take a while to find a girl who makes pancakes as good as yours. Speaking of which, I'm hungry.(expectant pause)."

Good way to turn it to humor while still getting the serious point across. The request at the end for her to do something for you is important as it allows her to be subservient. Also it can be back rubs or whatever as long as it is some insignificant thing she does.

[–]boxofcookies101 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I think a better response would be "no, but man it would be hard to find a girl who makes pancakes as good as yours."

The difference between our two statements is that mine sub communicates both that you don't care if she does. While as the same time letter her know that if she does she'll be out the door.

[–]Ifuckinglovepron 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Well, yeah, I mean mine doesn't sound quite natural the way it is written... But anything alone those lines.

Asking her to do the task is part of it, though. By following what you command, she is reinforcing that you are the master in the relationship, women do t do things for betas. If she refuses the request, fuck that, she is implying that she does not respect you as the master.

IMO you should regularly ask your women to do little things, stuff like "hand me that" or "turn off that light" stuff so insignificant that it would be ridiculous and awkward to refuse. It is very subtle but she will feel controlled ever so slightly and the roles are reinforced.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Great point that I hadn't thought of. Constant reinforcement with small requests for subservient behavior.

Women constantly do that to their beta guys.

[–]kennethjc 14 points15 points  (1 child)

http://www.redditlog.com/snapshots/32294

I laughed and applaud this guy. My buddy was sleeping with a girl in an open relationship. Guess who's still sleeping with her and who isn't? The guy who was in the open relationship is hanging out w/ a box of tissue and a jar of KY. She moved on to someone she deems an upgrade over the last guy and was able to explore those options by opening the relationship.

I'll always remember this post, thanks.

[–]Lt_Muffintoes 5 points6 points  (8 children)

I don't know man, can you imagine if your girlfriend, who you were looking to seriously long term it with, asked you if she could microwave your dog to death? It doesn't really matter whether you actually mind her torturing your companion to death, the fact she brought it up is enough.

The only answer is an immediate bail.

If plate/non-serious, instant demotion+soft next.

The cheating shit test is defcon 1, and should be responded to as such.

(In my opinion)

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The only answer is an immediate bail.

That's why I linked the post.

Saying "I don't care if you cheat" won't save the relationship, because in most cases the relationship is already over.

But it's the right response nevertheless because of the attitude it projects.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

microwave your dog to death

Are they really comparable?

If I'm brutally honest I agree with the other OPs BF (although he's an unsophisticated dumbass being so blunt about it and expecting a different reaction). My SO can fuck who she wants - although she won't - and I CBF (assuming she's not stupid about STIs). Kids are grown, life is all about me, I don't particularly need anyone or anything. I'm in the relationship because I choose to be, she doesn't provide me much outside of sex and friendship, and to be bluntly honest I can get better of both elsewhere without a lot of effort. If she screwed the neighbor the needle on my give-a-shit meter wouldn't twitch. What harm would she be doing me? If she left me to screw the neighbor every day likewise, a bit more logistics to handle but meh.

[–]Lt_Muffintoes 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Would you say your situation applies to even a small minority of men? Most of us value fidelity and her asking about banging other guys is the same as the dog thing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Would you say your situation applies to even a small minority of men?

Most men in LTRs with adult children, a degree of financial independence, and moderate SMV (for age). I think there'd be a few of us. Once child-rearing is done, what exactly is it that a long term partner contributes that is so unique you can only get it from them, and you care so much what they do?

Most of us value fidelity and her asking about banging other guys is the same as the dog thing.

Sure, I understand. I'm just asking why.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women understand implicitly that their fidelity is their most valuable resource. It's why they go to the greatest lengths to deceive and defy you when exploiting it.

This. My theory is that the visceral reaction men have towards sluts (your subconsciousness telling you that you have a woman on your hands who may cheat/branch swing/commit paternity fraud) is comparable to the willingness of women to ensure that they aren't perceived as sults.

Think of the reaction of a woman - even a perfectly innocent one - when you insinuate that you think her children aren't yours (for example by suggesting a paternity test) and you know what I mean. It isn't just her being insulted by you accusing her - it's her gut reaction to make sure at all costs (which usually includes dread like "if you really want a paternity test, sure, but I can't be with a man who doesn't trust me") that you don't question her fidelity because she knows deep down that this situation could have gotten her and her offspring killed in the days of old.

[–]BowlOfCandy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"No. I would thank the guy, too."

[–]1cover20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I am sure this wasn't the first instance of her sluttiness coming out. It came out enough that he made his feeling clear already. To ask it so directly now constitutes badgering, and rather than fight it forever, he gave up and gave her her freedom.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Say only what is necessary, and nothing more.

[–]krakosia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

isn't that from the 48 book?

[–]1kingofpoplives 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What should he have answered if she directly asked him if he would mind her cheating?

This is what I would tell her:

She is forbidden from fucking other guys. Not just that, she is also forbidden from flirting, texting, spending time alone with, or doing anything that could be construed as romantic intent with another man. It is her responsibility to do anything necessary avoid these situations.

There is a second part though, that is also key. If she ever does cheat, she is dead to me. The relationship is immediately over with so hope of return, and I will be looking for a replacement.

I think this works well because it meets her desire to feel cared for and controlled by a man, but also makes it clear that if she violates my trust that she will be gone and replaced with little emotional drama.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 0 points1 point  (6 children)

The premise is not correct. Alpha's mate guard and healthy mate guarding is not inherently Beta.

[–]throwwwwwaw 5 points6 points  (1 child)

[–]1runnerrun2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to see it in context. The beta mate-guarding approach comes from insecurity. This advice is directed at such a beta mate-guarding approach.

The alpha mate-guarding approach (which works and many guys do it) means that you come from a frame that the woman is yours, that she has to live by your standards and so on. It is very powerful and women love it because it gives them a clear frame to live by.

If you're a clueless beta, not mate-guarding is probably the best idea to liberate you from the needy mindset. Proper alpha mate-guarding is for when you have an LTR you have chosen to be exclusive with. It's not needed but it's an option and definitely has a lot of benefits in keeping a woman tied to you if you don't want to keep spinning plates and other stuff to make sure she remains interested.

[–]1aguy01 3 points4 points  (3 children)

The prevailing opinion here seems to be that men shouldn't mate guard ever, but I agree with you. What matters is frame. Mate guarding is positive when another man's actions towards your girl can be seen as disrespectful to you. For example, my buddy is a natural alpha who lives with his babymomma. We were at a party and him and his girl were getting ready to leave, when another guy went to say goodbye to her and he kissed her on the cheeks like some French thing, and his girl went along with it. My guy flips out and gets in the guys face, the dude tries to play it off like he's overreacting, and he just holds frame and shuts him down. He said on the way home his girl was calling him an asshole with a smile while giving him rode head.

Girls will sometimes flirt with other guys as a shit test, so when your girl is flirting and the guy isn't being disrespectful the best path is to leave her and flirt with other girls.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Your friend put himself in a bind: now that she's observed that he will hold others accountable for their actions and not hold her accountable to prevent it, she will continue to let others do as they please with/to her.

One should never mate guard, no matter what the circumstances. What one should do is hold their partner accountable for such circumstances. She can say, "It's not my fault, I didn't do anything" but it is in fact something she can do to prevent it.

You should be able and willing to tell your girl what you don't expect from her. If she doesn't acclimate to the idea, she doesn't respect you much. If she doesn't respect you, you will suffer the consequences.

[–]1runnerrun2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One should never mate guard, no matter what the circumstances.

That is simply not true. A proper alpha mate-guarding frame is very powerful.

[–]TekkomanKingz 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The silver lining in all of this is now you know what you need to say to a girl in order for her to NOT have your children.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]reddishman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    A girl I was once having fun with got caught by her bf. I knew I didn't want to support a cheating hore but I still wanted her to be cared for.. so I just pretended to be weak in front of the boyfriend. He ate the act and took her right back. He to this date thinks nithing physical happened

    The takeaway here is to.. Never underestimate your enemy.

    [–]ritrangri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yeah we definitely don't want kids. I just want a partner. As he is to me. and will be until something stops working. We clarified a lot of stuff last night.

    Kids are not in our cards though... haha

    [–]1Dev_on 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    well that all depends on whether he understands the difference between shit test and comfort test.

    Right now he's one 'protection' event away from having her hooked.

    [–]2trway14[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    One day, she will expect him to protect her, but he'll step back and tell her to defend herself and become mature in the process. She'll accuse him of abandoning her in her time of need, using guilt as a way of roping him in.

    Sounds like the plot of this movie.

    [–]ritrangri 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    I'm OP btw and Yeah this has happened.

    A friend of his was sexually being forward with me and I told my SO about it so that it didn't backfire and make it seem like I was hiding something and he just said: "deal with it yourself".

    No problem in that. we're both adults.

    [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    That's because mate-guarding is your job, not his.

    It's your responsibility to be faithful to him, because you're the one who has something to lose if you cheat on him.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]redpillersinparis -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      You will get downvoted anyway. Welcome to TRP where most people just seek validation. There is a significant percentage of people here who would dislike you just for being a female.

      [–]Jigsus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Exactly. The guy is critically close to being Red Pill, but

      That reminds of the way people wake up by themselves from the matrix but it pulls them back in (as seen in the Animatrix)

      [–]Glenbert 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      What he is trying to express is "I am not yours. You do not own me. You will never own me. I stand on my own".

      But he is plugged in, so he thinks it is the same for men and women.

      Bingo, but going a step further... here's what I think is going on: 1) He was raised by a single mother. 2) He's fucked around on the OP. 3) He is processing like a woman and attempting to hamster it away, but he's a man and it looks really awkward.

      Reverse the genders on this and it would be one of 30 identical blue pill examples. But this? This is as awkward as a man squatting to pee in the woods.

      [–]PowerVitamin 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      That wouldn't be accurate given the context of Stoic philosophy. However, what-ifs can occasionally be beneficial if you wish to take the conversation in a different direction.

      [–]Glenbert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      We're only inferring the context here, so, it's more likely that the context is what's inaccurate.

      I don't think this is a good example of anything other than a weird dude and a creeped-out girlfriend.

      [–]anonlymouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      That's pretty much what my first girlfriend told me. She was quite self aware for an 18-year old.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorNiftyDolphin 96 points97 points  (15 children)

      She's angry because his lack of emotional attachment lessens her chance to secure future investment from him.

      [–]PowerVitamin 19 points20 points  (13 children)

      Stoic philosophy is very much about maintaining frame while remaining emotionally detached.

      Women like the first part, but they have no capacity to understand the second.

      AWALT; they will see a lack of emotional attachment as a threat.

      [–]Fuck_shadow_bans 26 points27 points  (12 children)

      It IS a threat though. Without your biology pumping you full of "love" chemicals, you wouldn't put up with the shit that is involved in LTR or childrearing.

      [–]loveofnotes 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      I agree, but part of RP is knowing that you gotta ditch that shit so you can best look out for yourself (sometimes at the expense of ltr or childbearing)

      [–]Fuck_shadow_bans 3 points4 points  (2 children)

      definitely. I just think some people don't understand that women are being completely rational in their response to dread game.

      [–]PowerVitamin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Exactly. Understanding how women and men think differently has been immensely helpful in spotting incoming shit-tests, even before they happen.

      This is like Chess motherfuckers, you better have some of your game already prepared.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

      It IS a threat though

      In this case definitely. The BF is saying quite clearly that he sees her as a vagina on legs. She sees this as him not valuing her like she wants to be. It is, as others have mentioned, very serious dread.

      I did something similar (not quite as lacking in finesse though) to my SO and it worked just like solid dread - because it really is. Women tend to co-dependency and crave approval. Pussy on legs is everywhere, and chicks know it (it's why they slut-shame, they wouldn't have to if it was actually scarce). Telling them they're not special snowflakes blows that out of the water. Too much, too blunt, and they walk though, so you have to do it with care - or better yet know they won't walk no matter what/not give a shit if they do.

      [–]Fuck_shadow_bans 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      The BF is saying quite clearly that he sees her as a vagina on legs.

      Let's not be to hasty to judge. That's second hand information filtered through the lens of an irrational and emotionally distraught woman. He may have said something as innocuous as "Yes, you are just another relationship to me. I value it but I'm willing to walk away if you fuck up." Or whatever.

      [–]Jigsus 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      In this case definitely. The BF is saying quite clearly that he sees her as a vagina on legs. She sees this as him not valuing her like she wants to be. It is, as others have mentioned, very serious dread.

      That's not true. I can value spending time with a LTR without thinking of sex only and without loving her.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      So what's the basis for that value? What's in it for you?

      [–]Jigsus 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      I value spending time with her. I feel good when I'm around her. I like her but I don't love her. She makes me laugh and takes away my depression. She was like a best friend that I would ocassionaly fuck. I can live without her though.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Hmm. Fair enough. To be honest my experience is different. I care for her, sometimes like her, not in love with her. It's ok spending time with her but not always, quite often I prefer my own company or that of others. Sex is ok but plenty out there and variety is good. Value is positive on balance, but often towards the low end of the range. Doubt it would be any different if I changed partners. Therefore not worth applying lots of effort to guard and treasure. Sounds harsh, probably is. C' est la vie.

      [–]Jigsus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah I get where you are coming from. Men sound harsh when they say these things but at least we are honest.

      I don't see her as a mother or the mother of my children. I wouldn't take her to formal functions as my partner. I wouldn't want to stop dating other girls for her. That may sound harsh but that's the truth.

      [–]should_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah, but she's experiencing that in a more emotional rather than logical way. When someone dumps you, the first thought out of your mind isn't that you're upset because you can't secure future sex/validation from them, even though that's technically what's up. In reality, someone dumps you, and the feeling is devastation. You aren't thinking words like investment, value, etc. She's definitely not. The hamster is at work to secure future investment from him etc, but it doesn't know that that's what it's doing.

      [–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (32 children)

      What's amusing is that she believes she is upset by this. However, if he would have stated the exact opposite and said something along the lines of "I will always love you and be with you even if you cheat on me" (I have konwn guys this pathetic by the way) her vagina would have been dryer than the mojave desert and you better believe cheating would then commence.

      [–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

      "I will always love you and be with you even if you cheat on me" = "You got your beta bux baby, now go get your alpha fucks, I'll have Icecream and sex in the city waiting for you when you get home."

      [–]1Dev_on 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      yup. it's dread game and now she's looking to give himn a comfort test to confirm or deny.

      its funny how we often say 'ignore what she says, watch what she does' then all of a sudden her words are 100% straight talk

      [–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      You always know when you have pushed a woman's buttons correctly when she switches over to overt forms of communication.

      [–]should_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      she believes she is upset by this

      She is, and she would have been upset with either extreme. It's not the upset of "well that dried out my vagina, let's see who's on Tinder," but rather getting-dumped devastation.

      [–][deleted]  (27 children)

      [removed]

        [–]redpillshadow 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        I'm sorry to inform you that you have committed multiple thought crimes by reading and posting in trp. Your posting rights in twox, askhamsters and the fempire have been revoked.

        It was a comfort test, but "she wanted him to tell her they belonged to eachother" isn't the correct answer to it. She wanted him to tell her that she belongs to him. Important difference.

        [–]1Dev_on 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        wait to see what she does. whatever she's said there pretty much mean nothing at this point, other than she has emotions and they are running high

        [–]fortifiedoranges 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Why are you here? Your thoughts, opinions and feelings are worthless to this community.

        [–]le_king_falcon 44 points45 points  (2 children)

        She's just realised that she doesn't control his emotions. Which is effectively total loss of control from her POV.

        The control of a mans emotions is a girls best tool for control over a relationship. Whilst she controls his emotions shes' winning the war for the relationship and also generating lots of positive feels for herself from him being so "smitten" with her etc.

        A lot of men think sex is a woman's main tool for control, however in reality its only a tool to control the emotions, an opening gambit to get him hooked. A girl who wins the emotional war doesn't need to use sex as often, or in some cases at all (this is something that only happens due to society allowing it, i.e. social stigma for men cheating and divorce rape).

        Some might disagree with my sentiment, but we need to understand that women are effectively unable to understand a male point of reference. So they instead rely on their own point of reference to control men. Which means emotions are everything. So she'll of course try to control his emotions.

        So loss of control of emotions is seen as total loss of relationship control for her, and seeing as she seems to peg him more as "relationship material" she was planning on controlling him.

        TLDR: Women cannot empathise with men on any level, so from her female frame of reference loss of emotional control is effective loss of all control over him. Which for any pegged as "relationship material" is a complete failure of her objectives.

        Edit: Also as well as a failure of her objectives it requires her to reevaluate her assessment of him and her assessment of her own worth. Her being wrong on the first is bad because it means she can't pick her targets wisely. Being wrong on the second is something she will blindly refuse until the wall has hit hard, as her programming won't allow her to lower her expectations of the men she can snag. Both are intensely uncomfortable for her.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Allowing a girl to control your emotions a bit is a beta trait which is good for relationship stability - which is a perfectly good reason to hold some beta traits. If she has no control at all she will be upset and eventually break it off. If she total control she will lose all attraction and be bored and eventually find somebody better.

        A lot of men think sex is a woman's main tool for control, however in reality its only a tool to control the emotions, an opening gambit to get him hooked

        I agree. can easily to be in love without getting sex, especially when younger.

        Some might disagree with my sentiment, but we need to understand that women are effectively unable to understand a male point of reference.

        Many can and many cant. Man is advised to use some emotional arguments to convey his logical position, in the same way we hope that woman will use logical arguments to explain her emotions to use. We are just as bad as each other in different ways, got to be realists about it all.

        I feel that the example I've analysed is particularly useful as the majority of women will not understand what the man is saying, and the majority of us men would not understand why the woman was upset / how to resolve it (as its all subtext stuff).

        Edit: Also as well as a failure of her objectives it requires her to reevaluate her assessment of him and her assessment of her own worth. Her being wrong on the first is bad because it means she can't pick her targets wisely. Being wrong on the second is something she will blindly refuse until the wall has hit hard, as her programming won't allow her to lower her expectations of the men she can snag.

        A woman's perception of her value can change all the time. Many have self esteem issues. Its not just about turning 30 at all. This was a kick in the ovaries to her self esteem. Her perceived self-status went from great to worthless and that upset her.

        [–]1User-31f64a4e 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Allowing a girl to control your emotions a bit is a beta trait which is good for relationship stability - which is a perfectly good reason to hold some beta traits. If she has no control at all she will be upset and eventually break it off. If she total control she will lose all attraction and be bored and eventually find somebody better.

        You don't really have to give her control though, do you? I think this is the reason for the strong, silent type. You sometimes do things for her, give her some reason to infer that you care, but don't talk about "us" much. This is also the reason women are so insistent that you open up - it's for access to the information necessary to control you.

        EDIT: This is also where amused mastery comes in; it's a refusal to engage emotionally (at least in a way she can see ... inside you may be having all sorts of different reactions.)

        [–]MrStrong911 13 points14 points  (1 child)

        I had a similar situation with my live in ex, while I was still blue pill.

        Started to feel trapped, like it wasn't how I wanted to be living my life, thought process changed to basically exactly the same as this guy. I went one further though and suggested moving out for a short while.

        Basically nuked the relationship. I was her beta bux and her long term investment. The relationship ended soon after.

        My prediction for this guy, is that unless he is the most alpha guy she has been with, she will look to branch swing after her hamster has processed this conversation as "lack of commitment". She will probably go back on the CC for a while and try to find a new BB in the meantime.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Great to hear some backup stories

        You have to verbally be 100% or 0% when in relationships with women, there is no 90%. let small actions show questionable commitment

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 8 points9 points  (14 children)

        please let me know of typos or shit grammar- home with terrible flu atm.

        [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 151 points152 points  (8 children)

        Dude, if the flu is terrible then dump it and find a better respiratory infection.

        Abundance mentality, bro.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 50 points51 points  (6 children)

        Hahaha. Might swing branches to pneumonia...

        [–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (2 children)

        You can have both if you maintain strong frame.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 38 points39 points  (1 child)

        And if I play my cards right i could be lying down in bed with both of them at the same time

        [–]Newbosterone 19 points20 points  (0 children)

        True, then if the plates don't spin, the room will.

        [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 5 points6 points  (1 child)

        Pneumonia is an easy lay. Just wear less.

        [–]Trail_of_Jeers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Pneumonia dries up my gina like crazy, so beta.

        Alpha Kills, Beta..swills? I got nothing.

        [–]through_a_ways 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Don't swing too many branches or you'll ruin your alveoli

        [–]Endorsed ContributorWe_Are_Legion 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        ♂ This is for your OP. It was an intelligent and... innovative breakdown of the situation. Beats the pants off /r/relationships diagnosis too. Have some visibility, and keep it up.

        [–]Upvote Me!trpbot[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Confirmed: 1 point awarded to /u/Fred_Flintstone by We_Are_Legion. [History]

        [This is an Automated Message]

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Thanks a lot. Always secretly wanted one of those :).

        [–]elevul 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Until then she will be just another 'crazy, emotional' girl and he will be just an 'insensitive asshole' guy.

        And they will keep fucking like rabbits.

        [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

        I have talked like this before. I know EXACTLY where this guy is coming from.

        Often when I still deeply care for the girl but am simply too used to her and not excited to fuck her anymore. By the time I get to talking like this I have usually been fantasizing about other girls while fucking her for a while. I feel incredibly guilty and kind of want her to start seeing someone else to relieve the guilt... give me an easy out without feeling like an asshole.

        I am usually also quite worried about how hurt she'll be after and am trying to mentally prepare her to be more independent and move on to someone else. I also don't want her to worry about me as I know I won't be nearly as hurt (thus reassuring her about how I can't be hurt emotionally now).

        This girl stands no chance at this point. Her worth to this guy is exactly 0.

        [–]shootinthegym 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        I feel like I'm in the situation you were in. Any advice?

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        This happened in both of the 2 LTRs I've had... about a year in. Both eventually ended, and years later my attraction to either of them never recovered to its original level or how high it usually is to girls of similar SMV. I have also started feeling it with plates I kept for too long. I am beginning to think this is just how I start to feel after my body believes insemination is complete.

        At that point the only decision left to make is whether the girl is worth keeping without the exciting sex life. If she is great in every way and you are proud to have her as your gf then it still might be worth it.

        As for the sex life, it can be improved significantly by abstaining from porn and masturbation and excessive fantasizing about other women. Basically making her your only outlet. But be careful, we both know what a bad idea that is in majority of cases.

        [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (5 children)

        and I turned to him and said out of genuine intent:

        I hope you know I would never cheat on you.

        How magnificently manipulative of her to instantaneously portray herself as the "victim" when she initiates the conservation with an 'denial' statement with absolutely no context.

        Forget the rest, that's basically a shit-test in the form of admission already. However, BF get's the perfect response by audibly relegating her to plate status:

        because I stand on my own.

        Fucking bravo. 10/10.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

        a shit-test in the form of admission already

        I dont quite follow you here?

        I dont think this was a shit test or she did anything manipulative to be honest. The only way it could have been would be if she was sarcastic or something and I dont see any reason to believe that.

        BF get's the perfect response by audibly relegating her to plate status:

        because I stand on my own.

        I dont see it as a perfect response at all. What did it achieve? He was getting her loyalty, commitment, affection and sexual attention from her. Why kick her in the nuts. He should either say they are together or not say anything. All this did was create confusion and conflict and drama.

        [–]FinnianWhitefir 12 points13 points  (1 child)

        I agree that his response was weird, but why would you ever just suddenly say that to another person? Do you ever turn to someone and go "I hope you know I'd never kill you"? "I hope you know I'd never steal your car"?

        It was a weird, meaningless statement that she wanted to evaluate his response on.

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I just assumed they were talking about cheating when she said it.

        [–]Trail_of_Jeers 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        I dont quite follow you here?

        She isn't saying "I hope you know I wouldn't cheat"

        she's asking "You trust me, don't you? If I cheated it would break you up inside, right?"

        Answers that fail: Sure, Of course, without a doubt, etc.

        Answers that succeed: Whatever, Of course, you couldn't find someone like me, and "I don't own you, go ahead and cheat"

        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        I dont quite follow you here?

        Her comment has no context, so why mention it at all? Why bring up an irrelevant comment if there's nothing to be gained from saying it?

        His reply to the comment passes the test - she knows firmly she has no control/power over him. This upsets her because she thought she caught a beta bucks :

        I want him to want me to be his as well.'

        I was going to be with this guy forever.

        It's a classic shit-test:

        by dismissing her comment, she cheats

        by confronting her comment, she instantaneously goes into 'victim' mode and he's the aggressive controlling misogynist

        but by replying with detached factual statements, her power-grab attempt fails and she's instinctively defensive and cagey.

        He was getting her loyalty, commitment, affection and sexual attention from her.

        I disagree on the first two, why risk a committed two year relationship by discussing infidelity? It's like talking to the elderly about funeral arrangements during lunch and then blatantly denying the relevance of talking about death. Makes no sense.

        She simply didn't need to say anything about cheating or infidelity and her relationship would have continued just fine. She stuck her foot in it and is blaming him for her actions.

        [–]1Zanford 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        True how girls (mistakenly) pick up subtext and then want to communicate about it - but can't do so directly, b/c it shows their hands or their weaknesses.

        And another fine example about how when a girl gets the hurt feelz, she can't talk or think coherently about anything other than her hurt feelz and is blind to any logic that does not make those bad feelz go away.

        [–][deleted]  (16 children)

        [deleted]

        [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

        She said 'I would never cheat on you' - you can respond with anything. its not a shit test or anything like that. Just say whatever. Say 'Cool' or 'Good' or mess with a her a little and say 'really? but i cheat on you all the time!' as a joke to tease her a bit. He didnt even need to say anything he could have just lay there. He created the interaction

        [–]zephyrprime 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Yeah this. It wasn't even a shit test or anything. Why did this guy even say what he did? It was pointless and destructive to the relationship.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 5 points6 points  (6 children)

          My wife told me she would never cheat on me and never thought of cheating on me. I told her if she cheated on me I would hunt her and her lover down, rip out his throat with my bare hands while she watched, and then I would snap her neck. I think she really liked that answer.

          Does that make me "Beta?"

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]GREF_[🍰] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

            The post was a joke but it raises a serious question for me.

            How can you have an abundance mentality when you're trapped inside a marriage contract?

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            You can't, or at least it's very difficult. Abundance mentality is basically dread game in a LTR but she's got you by the balls, especially if you have co-mingled assets and children.

            That's one reason why marriage is so frowned upon here... amongst a myriad of other reasons.

            [–]1Rumble_in_the_Jungle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            You can have other outlets for your attention like work, hobbies, projects, etc. She should feel she has to compete for your time.

            [–]through_a_ways 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Eh, I dunno. It's certainly not as beta as responding with "I don't know what I'd do without you!", as it's active rather than passive.

            Plus, a lot of women are genuinely turned on by violence and rape-like stuff.

            [–]gt35r 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            I think the guy went overboard with what he said. Almost like trying to explain TRP to someone, a woman at that. I would have gone with what you said and just kissed her or escalated to more sex. He aimed the gun towards himself and pulled the trigger with how he handled it.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]1Dev_on 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              so long as you don't go crazy or let yourself go... sure.

              the jist is that if you want me to commit, you better bring your A game

              [–]Trail_of_Jeers -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              But at one point in the conversation I asked him if I was merely human interaction and a pussy to which he replied:

              I think I would have laughed and said "Nah, you are also my ride to Taco Bell!"

              "I don't need to answer that question"

              I would have said "I don't own you, you don't own me"

              "Can't you see how much I care for you? You're being an idiot"

              He failed here. He caved and was insulting. Never insult after failing a shit test.

              I would have not responded, gone back to watching Rick and Morty.

              [–][deleted]  (3 children)

              [deleted]

              [–]Trail_of_Jeers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Power-talk. it's never a lie until it is.

              [–]1 TRP SupporterFred_Flintstone[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              I 'lie' from time to time, but its more complex than that. If I am certain that girl really wants marriage and that there is very low chance of it then I would tell the truth that I have doubts, and the relationship would end there and then (or you can drag it out as it decays). If I was unsure and there was a possibility then I would exagerrate how much I love being with her and her feasibility as a long term partner.

              At a certain point in the relationship it needs to be black or white and official - you have to always say you are together 100% or break up. But subtle signals can be given off by you or her that you are losing interest in the other while still saying you are together.

              Verbally stating the relationship status is a much bigger deal for women than men I believe. If you verbally say something along the lines of 'yeah we are 90% together' then that sounds like 30%-50% to her but 90% to you. Likewise she might say 'i plan to be together forever' and be indifferent to you, waiting for somebody else. A lot of guys see this as her telling lies but its just how women communicate. She might be avoiding hurting your feelings.

              Its like when women say they love each other even if they are indifferent. They dont say they are indifferent. If they dont like somebody else they will say 'i dont really know her'. exception to these rules is when they are with their girlfriends, then they bitch about everyone!

              A woman saying she 90% likes another is basically her calling the other woman a bitch.

              If you want to hold out on the relationship but are unsure if its forever then the ethical thing to do is talk to her in a way she can relate and on her level. Say you love her and reassure her verbally a lot, but have a few small actions that make her question your total commitment. They should be small enough that she cant bring them up as it sounds a little crazy. You should be naturally doing this anyway.

              Think of yourselves as politicians in the same political party

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              These comments are absolutely priceless.

              Edit: The ones on the original post that is. Not the TRP comments.

              [–]1User-31f64a4e 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              This highlights the difference between a shit test and a comfort test.

              [–]Kenny_Twenty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Now just plug this formula into your graphing calculator and you'll get 55378008 girls!

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              That was her passive aggressive way of asking him if he was cheating on her.

              [–]Waldo00 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              The one thing a guy in a relationship is expected to care about is fidelity. So when you don't care if she sleeps around your pretty much spelling it out for her

              [–][deleted]  (2 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]kevkos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Wow, you date some psychos man!

                [–]openingceremony 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                Is it just me or do archive today links never work?

                [–]redpillshadow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                just you. Use a webproxy to access them if it doesn't work with your line.

                [–]skoobled 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                Some interesting analysis in here

                [–]ritrangri 4 points5 points  (3 children)

                Yeaaah. I'm the OP to the post thats being analyzed...

                I am almost 100% certain he's not and won't be cheating on me. Thats so NOT what our whole discussion together was based on.

                If you want any subtext I'd be happy to provide it. It was a LOOONGG verbal discussion so its hard to really expand fully on what was being said.

                But to be blunt, I was being very patient with his explanation and non-emotional (expect at the end when I was so confused that I had no bearing on our conversation) about our discussion.

                I find your analysis to be a purely personal take one something that you obviously didn't read enough into.

                But feel free to ask questions. I'll answer.


                And I'm sure you'd be happy to know. We both came to a mutual understanding this morning. He seems my side I see his.

                Both fair.

                [–]redpillshadow 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                What is your take away about r/relationships from this whole ordeal?

                They basically told you to break it off immediately, that this is a major red flag and the top comment says he is immature and a pretentious psych 101 student.

                Will you ask them for "help" again?

                [–]ritrangri 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                The thing with reddit is that; its all substantially self digested and shit out bullshit.

                Every single person applies their own sense of reasoning and idealism to what they read, so there is literally an infinite amount of opinions making them all both valid and invalid at the same time.

                r/relationships is generally populated by young girls and young boys who still think that relationships are wonderful fairy farts that are simple and uni-dimensional. So to say I went there for advice is only half true. I was an emotional estrogen bag last night and decided to vent about my unfinished confusion. However, I am in a clear state now and merely laugh at the hilarity of the shit comments from r/relationships as well as r/TheRedPill.

                It holds no bearing on my thoughts to answer your question.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Seriously I laughed too. People are reading way to deeply into this. I'm into stoicism too and it sounds like he is just trying to practice a philosophy that finds makes him happy. Has nothing to do with shit test nuclear dread game holocost or whatever people say. Keep it simple

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Poor girl. Just found out that she's a plate and not his special snowflake.

                [–]Scotty_McLovin 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                I read the article, laughed my ass off.

                Dude sounds he's an avid reader of this subreddit.

                [–]1runnerrun2 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                If he was he would have never said that. Needless and dumb. I think he was getting slightly bored of her and like the top comment said, being philophical and pretentious.

                [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                Exactly. I've felt like this after sex before. You're so not-horny and not-needy that you forget what it feels like to really want sex.

                You become full-on logical and stop filtering your words. If you aren't careful, you can say things that trigger strong emotional responses in the woman that can really turn her off.

                I've heard of (and done this accidentally) just start spouting off beta or alpha bullshit after sex. Stuff you're not supposed to say. Beta-stuff like "yeah I actually haven't had sex in x years" or "I can't believe this happened, I've been wanting this sooo badly" or Alpha-stuff "yeah you can sleep with who ever you want, I don't need you" or "you're like the 3rd girl I fucked this week, you mean nothing to me" or some shit.

                It sounds stupid, but once you're in that position you'll know what I mean.

                [–]Requi3m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                How is telling your gf she can fuck whoever she wants and you will stay with her redpill?

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [deleted]

                [–]Ifuckinglovepron 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Good. If you want to keep LTR.

                Too much of the stuff on here seems to leave of the part where you actually win te game.

                If you have a girl you want to keep and she is totally committed and everything is satisfying: you won, don't fuck up.

                Not every relationship fails.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I'm a bit confus with your comments, lot of different opinions. What would have been the "proper" answer?

                I would have probably played the indifference like it's cool or nice.

                [–]zephyrprime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You're being naive. It's very clear that this guy said all this for specific manipulative intent. It wouldn't surprise me if the girl really had been cheating and this was his way of dealing with that problem.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                That's such a great explanation. If only people could understand that men and women speak two different languages. Hell, I wish I had this type of comprehension myself.

                [–]MagicGainbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                It's interesting that they immediately assume cheating...projection much?

                Plus if he was the opposite and too clingy they'd STILL be telling her to dump him, guy can't win.

                [–]KarinaKapri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Red Pill makes everything science..as much as you think that the guy is doing a "power play" back flip, the girl will eventually get over it even though she expressed how the situation made her feel.

                [–]should_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I've been pervading this subreddit for a while but this was a little disappointing. Hear me out.

                The analysis is on point, but it's important to know what we're analyzing.

                She's what we're analyzing, but more importantly it's her hamster. These notions of value, control, etc., she is not consciously thinking about. Evolution has done this work for her. Her experience after realizing she was good as dumped -- that is, that her guy doesn't care about her, as far as she is concerned -- was devastation, not, "Fuck! Now I can't control him." It would indeed be "oh fuck" if he were purely beta bucks, but this is alpha fucks we're talking about. Sex all day doesn't necessarily communicate "care" unless it's that occasional beta sex. We call it tingles for a reason: it's a powerful sensation of the same family as dread; tingles and dread aren't strings of code that are sentences like "he is alpha, must acquire seed, I like being slightly ignored by high value men." And if it is that, she has no idea unless she's on your lap when you read TRP; her hamster is processing those batches of info for her.

                If we want to know what we're dealing with, we have to realize how our partners are actually processing this, not just what her hamster knows that she doesn't.

                If you found out your entire family was killed, you wouldn't say, "Dammit! Now I can't secure long-term validation and have external support systems for economic downturns." Even if you're programmed to react upset as a result. You react upset because your hamster knows these things and has programmed you to feel devastated when you fail, but you aren't consciously thinking those things.

                [–]binrobinro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Her saying "I hope you know I would never cheat on you." sounds like she was trying to get him to say something similar in return (for some kind of reassurance, in her mind)

                He didn't fall for that manipulative move.

                Everything was fine, but she just had to pick at it.

                [–]toysjoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                "Someone who loves you doesn't laugh while you cry"

                I don't know, I can find plenty of baby videos on the Internet from parents whom I'm sure love their babies. It's just that their babies are doing some royally stupid and funny shit.

                Like this woman-child is doing.

                [–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I have seen plenty of essays like this. OP is bipolar or on Ritalin when he wrote this.

                His enhanced thinking nails it on all cylinders, however.

                [–]Transmigratory -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                Funny thing is, if he was unplugged he could pull shit like this out (to rip her hear out) to get her fretting and to make her put more effort.

                "Bad boys" do this shit all the time, that's why the girl sticks around. Be mean; keep 'em keen.

                [–]bobjoe177 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

                Thanks so much guys this gives me some fresh insight into what was up with my gf a little while ago. She mentioned in an offhand way that she wouldn't mind if I fucked other women, I told her I don't want her to sleep with anyone else, but that I would still like to fuck other women. I fully expected her to pull out some gender equality double standard shit along the lines of "I don't care if you d, so I should be able to as well." As such I've been treading carefully around how I could pull it off, but now I think I should just go for it and hold my frame on her not sleeping around.

                [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                If you don't think she's going to sleep around (if she's not doing so already), you're going to be in for a big surprise. They all do eventually. The ''tingles'' is real.

                [–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire2 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                I gotta say that all he was doing was telling the truth, and the truth is a powerful thing once you recognize and own up to it. Nobody belongs to anyone. People can leave at any time. The only constant is change. Guys learn this sooner than women. Young, hot entitled women can get comfortable in a relationship, thinking that they own the guy, and that he certainly wouldn't leave, because the girl has been conditioned and indoctrinated to believe that she's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and the guy should consider himself lucky to have her.

                [–]whyalwaysm3 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                For the first time in a long time on this sub I agree with literally every last word in what OP just wrote.

                You sir are a wise and intelligent person.

                [–]malignantbacon -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                I have made the same "mistake" recently; it's interesting seeing things from that perspective as my girlfriend's mind is a black box that I am not practically interested in figuring out. It's not easy for me to actively spot these situations and think about the implications.

                In my case, she asked what I would do if she went to a party and cheated on me - I told her that when I found out, I would bring her things to her place and dump her quickly, in person, and leave and never look back. I explained to her my mentality that there are plenty of other people out there, I'm not going to tell her where she can and can't go, but there will be consequences for it if she does.

                I got a kick out of the top comment in that thread calling the guy pretentious, as if it's too much to be emotionally stable and mature about things that happen in life. You could take an asteroid to the face any time, any day but it's not something worth worrying about if it's that far out of your control.

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