/r/TheRedPill has been talking a lot about long-term relationships recently. In response, I have created this helpful guide for newbies on how to manage your bitches by turning your relationship into a game she plays - winning prizes of intimacy for good behaviour, and getting punished with demotion or exile if she fails.
This guide will begin with some basic theory, describing why men are the arbitrators of relationships. It will then establish some common definitions and lay the groundwork for the strategy section afterwards.
As you read this guide, bear in mind that it is not meant to be absolute. It is a model that I've made which works for me. You are free (and encouraged) to modify any part of it to suit you. But for the most part, the principles outlined here should be fairly universal.
We say AWALT for a reason.
1) In order to make and sustain a prosperous long-term relationship with a woman, you MUST be comfortable with bossing her around - being a bonafide Patriarch™.
You don't have to be a master of your emotions yet. But at the very least, you must be willing to be firm with her, give her orders, and tell her "no", even against a flood of her tears.
A woman cannot feel comfortable in a LTR unless she feels like someone other than her is in control. That someone (naturally) is you.
2) A long-term relationship CANNOT be your end goal. You can only be OPEN to the possibility of having one.
When you WANT a LTR, you place your focus on the idea of having a relationship rather than on assessing the woman herself (which is what you should be doing). You become fixated on your fantasy relationship and you selectively ignore the things happening right in front of you: her deep character flaws, her indiscretions, and the red flags.
Remember, women are candidates applying to be your girlfriend. Don't just hire someone because you want the position filled. Make sure you vet your candidates fiercely and hire the right one for the job.
This guide will help you do just that.
The Fundamental Principle of Sex and Relationships (FPoSaR)
This Fundamental Principle states that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationships. You should be familiar with it by now. If not, educate your ass here.
Beyond a man's Relationship Gate lies a paradise that every woman wants to inhabit. It is a magical realm where pickle jars are opened, spiders are squished, rides are given, appliances are fixed, cuddles are administered, encouragement is provided, and order is firmly established. And all of that takes time and effort.
As a man, your time and effort is your most valuable asset. You use it to get shit done. When time and effort is self-directed, it is used to accomplish Your Mission. When it is given to someone else, it is a tremendous gift which should be appreciated and respected.
Some men are too liberal with who they let through their Relationship Gate. They've got no border patrol, no review process. Just a country full of free benefits for anyone who crosses over. These are the beta-orbiters, and they are beset by every panhandling pussy that bats its attached eyelashes.
Some men are too strict about admission. They only issue temporary sex visas, and they end up deporting any woman without notice. These are the uninterested lone-alphas, and they have chosen their current lifestyle of banging and then flying solo.
YOU, on the other hand, are open to a LTR. Managing LTRs comes down to finding the right balance between these two extremes. You must giveth and you must taketh away in moderation.
You can achieve this balance by assigning "ranks" to your women and dividing your time among them based on the rank they have earned.
An Overview of "Ranks"
We use a lot of terms for describing a relationship with a woman: girlfriend, fiancee, one-night stand (ONS), plate, friend-with-benefits (FWB), etc.
But what do they really mean?
From a male perspective, each term implies a different level of investment in the woman - an investment of time, effort, emotions, and other precious male resources. As such, I believe they can be ordered in a roughly linear scale based on the level of investment they imply.
Here's a list that we will use (along with working definitions) ordered from least to greatest in terms of investment level.
Level 0: One-Night Stand -or- Pump and Dump. You throw a fuck into this girl and never see her again (unless she reaches out to you). It is a single encounter that is casual, sexual, and impersonal. You may or may not have met her before the encounter, and you may or may not even know her name. She is a one-time answer to a physical necessity - nothing more.
Requires no maintenance and a very low investment of time.
Level 1: Plate -or- Fuck Buddy. You have sex with this girl more than once. You will know her name and just enough about her life so you can schedule sexual encounters. You may also know a little bit about her personally, so you can help her rationalize being your fucktoy (if she's uncomfortable about the idea of being one). Otherwise, she's down with it and you're both satisfied with being casual. She is a temporary answer to a physical necessity.
Requires some maintenance and a low investment of time.
Level 2: Friends with Benefits. You have sex with this girl more than once - typically as often as mutual convenience allows, but perhaps even when it's not completely convenient for her (because she likes you enough to go out of her way). You also spend non-sexual time with this girl, like eating out or pursuing activities of mutual interest. You know more about her personal life, and she knows more about yours, and as a result the two of you exchange mutual, non-sexual favours from time to time. You will most certainly have good memories of non-sexual time spent with this girl, which will lead to positive emotional investment in her, making her more than just an answer to a physical necessity.
Requires moderate maintenance and a moderate investment of time.
Level 3: Significant Other -or- Girlfriend. The highest level of intimacy a woman can earn. You have sex with this girl often, usually more often than you do any of your other girls. You also spend a considerable amount of non-sexual time with this girl, resulting in many shared memories and a deeper emotional investment. At this level, there is significant mutual concern for the other's well-being. The girl in particular will feel a great dependence on your direct and involved guidance in her life (rather than simple stoicism and confidence). Emotions are strongly felt at this level: affection is especially sweet, and betrayal can be especially bitter.
Requires significant maintenance and a significant investment of time.
How She Plays the Game
The game itself is quite simple:
A girl begins the game at Level 0 or Level 1, depending on the context in which you two met.
If you met in a club, or began as total strangers grinding against each other at a house party, she's Level 0.
If you two met in a slightly more sociable manner - perhaps introduced by mutual friends, or she impressed you with her pleasant demeanour after you opened her at the local cafe, she's Level 1. She can also bump up from Level 0 to Level 1 if she reaches out and maintains pleasant and reasonable contact with you after your first sexual encounter.
From that point on, a woman must perform NON-SEXUAL services for you in order to advance in rank.
These services can include, but are not limited to:
- Cooking you a healthy meal. Either at your place or by invitation to her's.
- Treating you out some place. A restaurant or an activity of interest to YOU. Bonus points if you've never done the activity but it looks like fun - that means she's really thinking about you.
- Buying you a well-thought-out gift. Not just a random thing, but a gift which demonstrates an effort to understand your life and interests (example: therapeutic shoe insoles for a guy who likes running, or high-quality ear buds for a music-lover). The accuracy of her insight is more important than the cost.
- Hand-making you an artistic gift. These might include a picture or painting, a poem, a knitted scarf, a calendar of her photography, and the like. The more personalized the gift, the better. A hand-made gift doesn't have to be highly useful (since making useful things is tough), as long as the gift shows patience, diligence, and an attention to detail.
The greater her investment of time and effort in the gesture, the more credit she earns with you. Eventually, if she shows a consistent pattern of investing effort in you, she can advance in rank by one level.
The pattern should be obvious by now. A woman must invest time and effort in you in order to get your time and effort in return.
There's no concrete number of favours she must do to go up a rank, so use your own discretion and judgement when deciding how to reward her. But always observe Roissy's Fifth Commandment of Poon:
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.
Giving her slightly less than she gives you is critical to maintaining your superiority in her mind. The material imbalance in this scheme is rebalanced by her hamster. Because your effort appears less than hers, she believes you to be her superior, and that she must continue to work in order to earn your approval and continued commitment.
A slow trickle of correctly-administered rewards will keep your woman happy and working for the duration of your relationship together. With dedication on her part, that relationship can be quite a long time.
Why Do the Services Have to Be Non-Sexual?
Simple. Because a girl doesn't have to exert any effort at all to have sex. This game only rewards effort with effort.
If she's pretty enough to appear on your radar, then she can get fucked just by showing up. Any random slut can satisfy the task of emptying your balls.
You should also remember this: sex is the most fundamental pre-requisite of any non-platonic interaction between a guy and a girl. You'll never find yourself in a situation where a girl is giving you gifts and cooking you meals, but NOT having sex with you. If sex isn't happening, then something is terribly amiss and you must either correct it or next her. Which brings us to our next section...
Punishment and Demotion
There are many ways in which a girl can make a mistake and upset you. Maybe she starches your shirts too much, or she burns the dinner she was making for you. These kinds of mistakes should not be punished with demotion because, despite her mistake, she is investing time and effort in you. You can think of a suitable punishment and repayment for your lost shirt without going to the extreme of knocking her down a rank.
Instead, demotable offenses should be offenses that are an affront to your dignity, your authority, or to the time and effort you have invested in her.
Offenses can be intentional or unintentional.
Unintentional offenses will usually come in the form of some indiscretion on her part, as she slowly loses attraction for you, her conscious effort wanes, and she slips back into her natural hypergamous state.
Some examples of unintentional offenses are:
- Unconsciously being too flirty with another guy (shit-test, can occur at any level).
- Failing to keep an important promise (usually by neglect or poor-planning), the consequences of which cost you a substantial amount of money or ANY amount of reputation (failing of respect, this offense will happen at Level 2 or above, since you don't entrust these matters to girls below Level 2).
- Neglecting some important duty that you have assigned to her (failing of respect, typically occurs at Level 3).
- Frequency of sex decreases, and she absently evades when you try to initiate sex (loss of attraction, can occur at any level).
Committing an unintentional offense should typically result in the demotion of the girl by one (1) rank.
Intentional offenses are far more vulgar than their counterparts. Intentional offenses are usually targeted shit-tests meant to re-assess your fitness. In some extreme cases they might even occur in the presence of friends and family, making them vindictive attacks against your reputation or dignity
Some examples of intentional offenses are:
- Consciously flirting with another guy, trying to arouse jealousy in you (shit-test, can occur at any level).
- Openly insulting you (shit-test, can occur at any level).
- Frequency of sex decreases, and she consciously and vehemently evades when you try to initiate sex or talk about it (loss of attraction, can occur at any level).
Committing an intentional offense should result in the demotion of the girl by two (2) ranks. Committing a vindictive attack against your reputation should result in a loss of three (3) ranks.
Now, here's the important bit:
Once a girl has been demoted, her current level becomes the maximum level she can ever be. She can only climb the ladder as long as she is flawless in the execution of her womanly duties. Once she commits a serious offense, she is demoted, and she can never rise again.
A friend-with-benefits who remorselessly loses your expensive digital camera becomes a plate forevermore.
A plate who fails to provide sex drops to 0, and she is replaced by a plate who will.
A girlfriend who drunkenly humiliates you in front of your friends at a party drops to 0, and she quietly disappears from your life.
It may seem like some of these punishments are quite severe. But you must remember that hypergamy shows no mercy to the weak. The purpose of meting out such uncompromising punishment is to keep you in Abundance Mentality. With so many eligible bachelorettes out there looking desperately for a strong man like you, no single one of them is worth your grief.
An uncompromising approach helps you to avoid the risk of developing oneitis, and it prevents you from being manipulated by women who are all too good at tugging at your sympathy to get just one/two/five more chances.
"WTF Is This Shit", or Naturalizing the Process
At this point, you might be thinking to yourself, "What the fuck did I just read? What's all this ranks shit? That was dense, and abstract, and needlessly complicated. I'm not Alex fucking Trebek, I'm just a dude trying to find a decent girl."
The process certainly seems complicated when you write it all down.
What you should know: I like designing games. I like picking shit apart, finding patterns, and abstracting those patterns into discrete rules. And many things in life tend to work this way.
Like I said in my disclaimer, this is a model. Use any part of it that aids your understanding of human relationships. Substitute your own observations and rules if you think yours work better. If you think reading all this was a waste of your time, send me an angry message and I'll have some fun laughing at it later.
The greater your comprehension of human sexuality, the better a relationship you can have. And the more you practice it, the more naturally you can achieve your results. Don't tell your bitch "You're losing a rank for that shit!" Just drift away, disinterested with your relationship, and let her figure it out.
Focus on the human interaction and save the game theory for late nights with reddit and your favourite sock.
Not me, though. I may be a sock, but I ain't into that.
The key trait of the modern western woman is her absolute lack of concern for the desires of men. Our cuckold state has all but replaced men as husbands and providers, and so it would seem like the traditional relationship is basically obsolete.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
While a woman can subsist off the benefits paid for by our taxes, the government cannot give her the love, the attention, the stability, the masculine reassurance, and direct intervention that are so crucial to her emotional well-being. A woman feels vulnerable in a role of leadership, and she feels lost without a masculine leader to boldly claim responsibility for confronting all of the challenges that terrify her. No government can provide that for her. For that, she must come to us.
And for that, we must demand a price.
The purpose of this guide, and of the Red Pill at large, is not to effect social change on a broad scale. The broad scale is too distant and too nebulous to impact our personal lives in any meaningfully positive way - a fact that women are become all too aware of.
Rather, it is about finding pragmatic ways of improving your life quickly. Your life matters to you, and it is your duty to improve it.
You have more leverage than you may realize. Let this guide help you to capitalize on it - for your happiness, and for the happiness of any woman who works hard enough to earn your time and effort.