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Red Pill TheoryRealistic Expectations (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Senior ContributorRedPope

I'm about to tell you something you already know:

There is no magic solution.

Every time I mention that I won my divorce, I have guys asking how I did it. They're inevitably disappointed when I tell the full story: I fought. I did not concede a single inch. I gave away nothing. It was a long and exhausting battle.

When I mention that I convinced my employer to let me work from home, I have guys asking how. Again, they're disappointed with the answer: I worked hard. Made myself indispensable. Rather than lose my services, they agreed to let me work remotely.

Yesterday, another TRP member outlined how he got rich. In previous threads, people were repeatedly asking for his story. He warned them it was basic knowledge. But they insisted. Sure enough, it was a generic property ladder story: Buy foreclosed condos for cheap. Fix them up. Rent to decent people.

We all want to believe there's some trick. We're all hoping for some magic solution we haven't heard before. And we're disappointed when there isn't one.

One popular criticism of TRP is that we teach men how to trick women into having sex. We all know this is absurd. There are no tricks. The first guy to discover the magic words to seduce any woman would sell a million books overnight.

TRP's solutions are mundane: Stop believing in fairy tales, hit the gym, dress better, and learn how to behave in social situations. Women want attractive, confident, masculine men. Stop making excuses and become the type of man they want.

Common, generic, obvious advice. It has helped thousands of us, but it doesn't work for everyone. You may fail. The odds are against you. (If they weren't, you wouldn't be looking for a magic pill.)

These are the only honest answers. The only solutions offering a legitimate chance of success. With determination, hard work, and a bit of luck, you might beat the odds. Maybe.

That's as good as it gets.


[–]tourdepook 100 points101 points  (5 children)

A man is a sum of correct habits.

This pales to other ideas. Some think message boards contain magic which will instantly turn one into a success. Others think special spirits will jump out after taking TRP and lead you to endless sex. But this is bullshit. Even if you had every mental formula and idea ingrained in your head, you still won't be successful with women or anything.

Look at you! A plop of flesh sitting in a chair! How do you get from there to with the chicks?

"I will take a deep breath, go out with all confidence, and get the chick!"

This is blitzkrieg. It might work but you're still a loose cannon. Confidence is comfortableness. Don't try to force yourself to something that seems entirely alien to you. You'll never be comfortable with it.

Alter your habits and so you alter your life. Make it a HABIT to talk to girls. Make it a HABIT to be social. Make it a HABIT to hit the gym. Make it a HABIT to fuck HB9s! Make it a HABIT to be the man you want to be!

[–]suloco 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Damn, this is some good stuff! You're exactly right. Let the habit work for you. Once activity becomes a habit, it is done in instinctual manner and costs you next-to-zero willpower.

Thanks, man this really helps!

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]BlaiseDB 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Perfection is a direction, not a destination.

    [–][deleted] 94 points95 points  (17 children)

    "How did you bang a HB9? What did you do? How did it feel afterwards?"

    The same as all the others.

    [–]Senior ContributorRedPope[S] 33 points34 points  (5 children)

    Yeah. Another excellent example.

    In all these cases, the answer is too simple and requires too much effort.

    Laziness is the enemy. Waiting for a perfect solution instead of trying a realistic approach.

    [–]CoriolanusRevisited 55 points56 points  (4 children)

    "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water" -Zen proverb

    This quote really speaks to me. I first heard it from a Navy SEAL who was on a rant about misconceptions about special operations units. He wanted to get across that you have never 'arrived' in special operations. You don't cross some finish line, and passing your initial training and being selected just gets you a spot on the roster, and you still have to perform every single day at a very high level and it doesn't stop, ever. You just get even better, or you end up a washed up loudmouth at the bar telling stories.

    The parallels to the life you want to lead as an actualized man are uncanny.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    There's no completion in life.

    [–]justgrif 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This could be the overarching motto for men. We can always be better, can always improve our attractiveness and skills, nearly fully separate from how we actually look.

    [–]foldpak111 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Rsd preaches this as well. You arrive when you die.

    [–]abstainfromit 2 points3 points  (7 children)

    So why do people fight for those 'HB10s' when they can get a better chance of a LTR with a 'HB8'. I dont understand.

    [–]Senior ContributorDemonspawn 6 points7 points  (4 children)

    What if they don't want an LTR?

    [–]abstainfromit 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Even then, do people always go for 9's cause they are somehow more satisfactory than 7-8s?

    Wondering.

    [–]YourSonsAMoron 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Yes. I get quite a bit more satisfaction out of being with a top tier woman than an average one. The idea that "a hole is a hole" that I've been reading a lot around here lately is a little ridiculous to me... But to each his own, obviously.

    [–]justgrif 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I've banged 9's who weren't nearly as good as some 6's or 7's.

    I mean, eye candy is eye candy of course.

    [–]abstainfromit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ahah I get it lol.

    I have no experience in these matters.

    ty for clearing it up!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    The journey is always better than the destination

    [–]abstainfromit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Really? I'm not sure.

    Never been in a relationship / pursued one.

    [–]asdfghjkltyu 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Amen. That's the thing I don't get at the end of the day past maybe some satisfaction banging a 7 is no different at all to a 9. Guys put in huge efforts of work to gain basically nothing. Its not like an expensive car that's faster, its just the same.

    [–]Stand_Your_Ground_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    More of a challenge for a greater reward gives a greater feeling of success. I don't want to slip even an inch down the road of women are equally beautiful bullshit.

    Hotter is always better, but I get what your saying, you do have to know where to draw the line on your effort.

    [–]nothere_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    (miniscule) social approval and gain

    [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Also, as a corollary, I'd like to add whenever anyone says you can have something "quick", "fast", or "easy" that person is trying to sell you something.

    [–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (10 children)

    Some of you reading here may be more like me. The journey to becoming a redpill dude feels much much longer than it should be. I have a million and one excuses of course- the issues is not that. Its that my road to becoming a true man is a long ass one because I was really lost.

    So take actual stock of your life. Live in reality. My reality was that I was fat, very unhappy, my wife was running my life, my kids took the rest, I had no hope for a fun/exciting life etc etc etc. All roads pointed to a long and sucky rest of my life.

    So I did what is said here. hit the gym (it fucking helps), etc etc. BUT what I have worked the hardest on is the internal self. The me that is unseen. The parts that do not have a drastic difference on the outside. That most people I have known a while don't exactly notice. I am a much strong person now. Mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically. I may still have my lovely gut but I have manly posture now, I am a strong as a truck, and am progressing nicely in Muay Thai (highly recommend).

    But when I really notice the changes is when I meet someone brand new. Usually for work. Their respect level for me is way higher than I ever imagined. I am in sales. New customers I met in the last 6-9 months have a much higher respect for me than those I met a few years ago. New friends treat me like a man. Old friends- some do some don't.

    And the changes in my wife are astronomical.

    The problem is- my life still sucks for the most part. I work my ass off everyday at a Job that is just okay. Rarely do I find my wife interesting and fun to be with. My kids take up a shitton of my time and energy. My life is still not my own.

    But the difference in 9 months is astounding. I have re-prioritized, hit the gym, and gotten my inner self straightened out.

    The long hard road of work sucks. This is not an overnight sensation type life. Sure, if you are 17, slightly in shape, and no real responsibilities. If you hit the gym for a month, stand up straight, and start talking to women- you will probably hit the jackpot. If you are like me- over 30 with wife, kids, career, and long decade or so of bad habits, relationships, and issues... it takes time.

    When I am alone. When I have a few minutes of peace. To take stock and think about who I am... I KNOW I am 10x the man I used to be. In another year or three... who knows.

    So those of you reading this site to see what its about... maybe you have a sexless marriage, youre fat, and your life sucks. Hit the gym and start working on your inner self. When you do bulk up a bit, lose some weight, fix your posture, your inner self will be miles ahead of what you look like on the outside.

    Then when you hit 45/50 and your wife drops your ass for who knows why (like it happened to my friend just this past month)- you will realize your life is on the up and up while your STBX is at her end. Its crazy to see the joy that comes of that. To know your life, as a man, will continue to mature year after year after year.

    The redpill isnt exactly about banging hot chicks (a by product many here enjoy- and us married dudes kinda wish we knew when we were younger hah). it is about becoming a man. When you start on that road- the world opens up and you realize you are an alpha male.

    [–]rpscrote 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    keep fighting the good fight my man

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    good post.

    For most people if overweight: lose the fat before you gain muscle if you want to look good. It's very hard to do both, and noone will notice your muscles under the blubber. Definitely include resistance training as it helps with testosterone, fat loss, and posing on the TRP forums (lift, bra!)

    But yeah, definitely prioritise the fat burning (which means exercise and a daily calorie deficit).

    [–]Nodeal_reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Agree. I've done both, and losing the fat should be the priority. Noob gains phenomenon will allow you to continue to gain strength for several months while the fat peels off.

    [–]TW_RPAwake 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    The problem is- my life still sucks for the most part. I work my ass off everyday at a Job that is just okay. Rarely do I find my wife interesting and fun to be with. My kids take up a shitton of my time and energy. My life is still not my own

    I could have written these same words 8 months back. I bolded the essence of the statement. For countless years in my married life, I would find myself repeating back the phrase "I hate my wife, I hate my life". Total-abject-misery.

    TRP brought more to my life than an affirmation that masculinity is not evil. Now that I am past the anger phase, I really do enjoy getting to know my daughter as a young adult. I really do enjoy teaching my son how to fix our cars & equipment. As for my wife, we are closer than ever but still working on building the right balance of intimacy and independence.

    The key difference is that I harbor no hostility. I dont blame, curse, complain, or lament the trappings of my life. If something in my life isnt working for me, I objectively evaluate plans to change it.

    Case in point - We are preparing our "dream house" for sale this summer. The same house we designed and built. The house we were supposed to hold Christmas dinners in with our future grandkids. The house commands too much of our time and resources. We dont want our weekends pre-committed to projects. So we are letting it go.

    Almost a year ago it was clear to my wife that I was ready to let the marriage go. Not an angry, passive-aggressive "Ill show you" divorce, but a stoic "My marriage is a negative drain on my life and I dont want that anymore" attitude.

    Boiled down, this is nothing more than taking ownership of our own lives, setting direction, THEN applying basic planning processes to execute that plan.

    [–]trpadawan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thank you for this post. I'm on the younger, still-single side of things but it's reassuring to hear that everybody has challenges they face, nobody has it easy. Sometimes the lack of apparent progress can be frustrating but it's important to remember that this is for life - it's not a quick fix.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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        [–]Senior ContributorRedPope[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        This is an important lesson to learn. There will always be someone better.

        We don't tell guys to be the top 1%. The 20th percentile is where the RP bar is set. You can get there by being a generalist. Climbing higher requires specialization and sacrifice. Diminishing returns of happiness.

        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

        That said if there is a more efficient, productive, or a quicker way then it's not "magic" but it's definitely a good tip. I don't see anything wrong with wanting the best advice.

        [–]Senior ContributorRedPope[S] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

        I agree!

        But act on the best advice you have. Don't wait around for the perfect solution. Start now. You can always keep learning. You can always improve and refine.

        [–]guy2435 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        TRP's solutions are mundane: Stop believing in fairy tales, hit the gym, dress better, and learn how to behave in social situations. Women want attractive, confident, masculine men. Stop making excuses and become the type of man they want.

        They may be mundane but they sometimes have the immediate impact that if done right feels like magic. This may be the reason why some guys here are excited about the results and post it, then others reading it thought it must be magic. Nope its you working on yourself to be the man women want.

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        "When you look at people who are successful, you will find that they aren't the people who are motivated, but have consistency in their motivation." -Arsene Wenger

        [–]SirBootyLove 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Did the op delete his real estate post or was it a mod?

        [–]Senior ContributorRedPope[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        A mod deleted it. In fairness, the guy's post was pretty thick with pep-talky statements: "You can be a millionaire in X years!"

        I don't blame the mods for removing it, or even some people being critical of his claims.

        But it wasn't a shill. Multiple people in earlier threads did ask for his story. Some guys got butthurt because his story wasn't new or exciting. There was no magic solution. Just the same old practical advice, being in the right market at the right time.

        Most rich people get rich by running boring but profitable businesses. Contrary to what the media says, genius is not required. You don't need the next great idea.

        [–]David949 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I don't often have much to offer TRP discussions but you are spot on. I too won my divorce and people ask me how I did it. I was stronger mentally and persevered. I never gave up and she won. People ask my how a man got primary custody of my daughter. I'm worked hard and am the better parent. People ask me how I got a nice house. I saved, worked hard and remodeled my house. People ask my how I started my business. Right place at the right time but I saw an opportunity and I work hard at it ever day. People Ask me how I have 2 girlfriends. That's a little more red pill, but it's not giving into their demands, managing my time and it takes work. You are so right.

        I do love reading reminders in this group. Every day I am reminded that to attain my goals in life I need to stop slacking off, hit the gym more and work harder. People think I am successful but I believe that I am not successful enough

        Thanks for the post U/RedPope. I did gleam one gem out of it on the condo rentals. I've never considered that but I am going to look into that

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 19 points20 points  (22 children)

        There is a huge differance between hit the gym and go blood and guts hard like Dorian Yates. If you workout like most people workout you are not going to get any where. If you eat the same shit everyone else does you arnt going to get any results.

        So to say their isnt any secrets is disingenuous. Bodybuilding has lots of secrets and tricks. One of them is eating white fish and rice preworkout because its clean and digests fast.

        [–]Senior ContributorRedPope[S] 43 points44 points  (4 children)

        Were you an expert the first time you stepped in the gym?

        Too many of these guys are still on the couch. Trying to assemble some perfect plan before they take action. They need to quit reading about it and start doing it.

        [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        The gym I went to when I started at 15 was filled with professional bodybuilders who were kind enough to answer my questions. Dwain the Rock Johnson showed me lat pulldowns. That's pretty much all the motivation you need ever.

        [–]Cashews4U 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        I'm calling bullshit on the Rock story. Unless by "Dwain" you meant some musclehead who thought he was The Rock.

        [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 13 points14 points  (1 child)

        Met him in 2005 at Gold's Gym

        [–]imthemanyesiam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Are you from Charlottesville?

        I know he goes to that golds gym all the time

        [–]Redrog1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        Most people don't go to the gym regularly. If you do, even if you don't train like a mad beast and you just train with some dedication, you will still be physically at the top of the general population.

        [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        Good thing I never want to look like Dorian Yates.

        [–]epixs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Your posts are awesome, good to see a fellow lifting brother preaching!

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          It depends on the type of white fish

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Not sure what that guy posted, but in any case -- canned solid white albacore tuna? If not, what's the cheapest "white fish" to go for?

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Canned tuna is the cheapest but very high salt. Frozen tilapia

          [–]1nzgs[🍰] -1 points0 points  (6 children)

          Actually I somewhat disagree. The only secrets in bodybuilding are the drug stacks involved. In terms of training and diet, the secret is that most of the stuff spouted by "experts" is nonsense. You don't have to eat clean, you don't have to train heavy. All it takes is protein, calorie control, and regular intense training either with machines or free weights.

          People fail mainly due to improper calorie control and a lack of training intensity usually due to using too heavy weights or due to resting between sets to take selfies or chat to people. The guys who can finish a sweaty workout in less than 30 minutes are the ones who get somewhere.

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          actually you do have to eat clean because dirty processed food increases blood pressure, training increases blood pressure and drugs increase blood pressure.

          [–]epixs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          not to mention the horrible bloat associated with it as well. Moonface is disgusting.

          [–]rpscrote 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          you're never going to get functionally strong doing machines

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]krakosia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            wonder how one trains to be a gymnast?

            [–]aakksshhaayy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            This is the first thing newcomers should read.

            [–]Vietnom 6 points7 points  (15 children)

            Why does every single successful TRP advice post have "hit the gym" somewhere in it?

            [–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (6 children)

            Because it's the simplest way of bettering yourself.

            You live in your body everyday, why not try and make it as strong and healthy as possible? It's the most obvious positive change to make in your life.

            [–]CoriolanusRevisited 33 points34 points  (5 children)

            Attaining a quality physique is also a huge passive boost to almost every facet of your life. What if I told you there was a pill you could take once daily that made you more confident, increased your energy and sex drive, made men show you a bit more respect, made women more friendly and flirty, as well as increased your lifespan and resistance to disease?

            That pill exists, it's called proper lifting and nutrition.

            [–]1nzgs[🍰] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

            There's a reason gym-goers are mocked and demonised by blue-pillers and feminists.

            [–]JovianTrainWreck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            All of which involve deluding themselves.

            As far as women go, most of them love to think they can sling 5-10lb weights and make substancial progress. They won't go heavy for fear of "looking like the hulk", and when they see that they aren't making progress as a result, they quit exercising.

            As far as dudes go... well c'mon man, they've got a LAN party to attend, they don't have tiiime for the gym. "I know I should put these Cheetos down right now, but let's face it, I'll never look like those huge guys at the gym."

            Hamsters.

            [–]magicalbird 13 points14 points  (1 child)

            Because it gives a SMV boost to all men.

            It gives a needed SMV boost to men born with below average genetics.

            [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

            Also boosts testosterone, which alone is worth it.

            [–]agumonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I don't believe in deep changes from working out, but after going through it a bit, I agree it does have concrete effects [1].

            Your body is quicker, stiffer, and it makes your mind at ease to feel it. You're just happy to feel able and swift.

            It's also a very very good long term bet, health-wise.

            [1] might depend on your personality too. Maybe some people really can't enjoy physical effort, and the relaxation of the morning after, and sport will be too high a price.

            [–]sunwukong155 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            Because if you are not going to the gym regularly you should be. And if you are going regularly you should be going more and consistently improving your performance there. And if you are doing that you should still do some extra dead lifts.

            [–]MyRedPillLife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            With determination, hard work, and a bit of luck, you might beat the odds. Maybe. That's as good as it gets.

            Funny how this is true for everything in life.

            [–]nothere_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            this is the shit that should be on r/getmotivated

            [–][deleted]  (3 children)

            [deleted]

            [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Common, generic, obvious advice. It has helped thousands of us, but it doesn't work for everyone. You may fail. The odds are against you. (If they weren't, you wouldn't be looking for a magic pill.)

            How is that a lie? What he's saying is, success is never guaranteed. You might luck into it, you might not. But, if waiting passively to win the lotto of life isn't a life course you can live with, the only other alternative with any realistic chance of paying dividends consistent with the investment is through hard work. Even then, no guarantees. Work hard or hope for luck, those are your only options.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]rojo-pildora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Hitting it out of the park again redpope. Recently I had a major set back in starting my own company. I need a silly license for something that comes naturally to me and that license is an easy 4 years away. Still the ground work has been laid and if I want it bad enough I will keep going and make it happen. Or I could give up and just keep the 9 to 5.

              Yeah... Fuck that. It's all our nothing at this point.

              [–]through_a_ways 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Do nothing, nothing happens

              Do things, things happen

              [–]notrustled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              truth. there might be magic pills for illnesses or limp dicks etc, but there's no magic pill for any kind of relationships. oh well, there's the pill of making yourself better and that's it.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              A well considered dose of reality.

              That said there is still a strong role for case studies and anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately people are more likely to believe a personal story than impersonal figures.

              [–]dherik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              It's so simple it feels like a "hack" because no one else does it. Or they don't want to put in the work. I'll be honest I have set backs or make an excuse then I step back and realize why I'm doing what im doing.

              [–]BlaiseDB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Desire without expectation and you will not be disappointed. Take joy in your actions; act and you will be happy.

              [–]iatepussy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Enjoy The Journey -iatepussy

              [–]sterlinghtsmi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              U want a magic pill...a creed...sage advice to change your entire life for the better??? Here it is- STOP JERKING OFF!!! Its amazing how you will seek out gratification from hard work and relationships when u stop instant sexual gratification.

              [–]newlifeasredpill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              Good post Sir

              Common sense is not so common.

              This is why most women want to fuck the same few men

              [–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

              The stats do nothing but back this up too. 20% of men getting 80% of females. The 1%. Were littered with this info yet people spend their whole lives creating their own "truths."

              [–]otto192 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

              This has been made into a movie called kung fu panda.

              On a series note, wonderful post.