Red Pill TheoryWARNING: You will outgrow your friends. It will often be painful. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Remember that RedPill is largely, if not mostly, about becoming the best man you can be. For yourself.

That doesn't mean trumpeting a bunch of false bravado about being \"alpha\" all the time.

It simply means that you are always evolving. Mentally, socially, physically, financially...in every way.

But it's an unfortunate fact that most of your friends will not follow this same path.

Particularly the friends from your teens, early 20s, and even late 20s.

There's something about turning 30...I don't know if it's because testosterone levels start dipping or what, but after 30 guys get complacent. They get lazy. They get comfortable.

But because you've taken the red pill, every year you're making strides forward professionally, keeping fit, and always pursuing the best for yourself....while people you legitimately assumed had the same drive will seem to give up right before your eyes.

These are guys that once had everything going for them...most important of all: the drive to do bigger, better things all the time. And now...nothing.

It's painful to watch. It is. And you'll want to help them. But be very, very careful if & when you decide to.

People can be boat anchors. This is a fact. And there's nothing more that a person \"stuck\" in life wants more than to rationalize their shit by seeing someone that has zoomed past them now stuck.

Friends like this don't do it out of hate. They actually do it because they like you...a lot. But they have a hamster of their own. The \"not my fault\" hamster.

\"It's not my fault I don't make more money...damn economy!\"

\"It's not my fault I'm out of shape...damn commute to work!\"

\"It's not my fault I'm [blank]...damn [blank]!\"

Listen to some of your friends talk sometime and I guarantee you can fill in those blanks with a statement that's almost word-for-word.

Here's an example for you: I'm 36. I've founded 5 companies in the last 10 years. 3 of which I still own. I do pretty well for myself. But not because I'm particularly smart. But because I was always too dumb to quit trying. Because I'm always striving. I won't settle.

I have a friend I've known for 15+ years that started a brick and mortar business a few years ago. It tanked within 2 years. He's now back to working for peanuts at a job he hates.

Last year I lent him some money. Now, as a rule I don't lend anyone money I can't afford to lose. That's just a good \"grandpa rule\" that all of us need to live by.

In just short of a year, this friend has not offered to repay one dime.

Instead, any time I see him (unsurprisingly much less frequently) it's, \"I can't find a job that pays well...damn economy!\" or \"I can't find a good woman...damn sluts!\"

You get the picture.

Now, do I feel for the guy? Sure. It's tough watching a guy in his late 30s struggle so hard.

But is it my place to save him? No. Even though I've been tempted...and I did lend him money once...I've distanced myself from him.

I did at one time try to help him with his business. Every suggestion I made was immediately met with, \"You can't do that because...\" or \"That won't work. I know it won't\"

Seeing a pattern here?

The ultimate facepalm was when he tried for 3 weeks to get me to invest 6 figures into a business so that he could run it for me. I politely declined. Repeatedly. He eventually got the hint.

I'm not trying to cumbaya you here with some \"Everything is sunshine and rainbows if you just think positive thoughts!\" but this guy's attitude is simply toxic.

And if I didn't severely limit my time around him, no matter how much I resisted, I know it would start taking effect.

I'll never get that money back. And that's ok. I'm not saying I'm Daddy Warbucks but I'm in a financial position to which I can count it as a loss and it's not a huge deal.

For you guys in your teens and 20s, look around you. That guy that seems to have everything going for him now? He could be my friend in 10, 15 years. Odds are, one of your friends will be.

It's going to be tough...REAL TOUGH watching it happen.

But a HUGE measure of a man is how fast he gets back up when he's been kicked down.

Your eyes have been opened by TRP. You'll notice when this happens before the rest of the world will. Even before he will, most likely.

Now, am I saying to abandon your friends when they need you? Of course not.

But be careful...very careful...of keeping an eye on when that helping them out turns into negatively impacting you. It's a fuzzy area that's not always easy to spot.

It's a hard truth of being a man that we have to look out for ourselves first.

If that seems selfish, then consider this: if you put yourself in bad shape in an attempt to help out a struggling friend then:

  1. He's no friend for asking you to do that for him


  1. By putting yourself in financial bad shape, you just eliminated the help you could have given to others.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 109 points110 points  (10 children)

Very true, and it is painful. Not only do you lose touch because everyone gets married, has kids, and runs the rat race, but you will see that while you're having new ideas, new adventures, and new fun in your life, the guys you had the most fun with have traded all of that all in and (probably) won't ever experience it with you again. They can't go out and do the things you want them to do, and it's hard to think of them as they are now, and not as you remember them.

I could care less about "getting older" and in most ways life is better, but the one thing that always sucks about it is losing touch with some of your lifelong friends. Sure, you make new friends, but the guys you made lasting memories with in your teens and 20's are the ones who were with you when you were molding into who you are.

Those memories with your brother are what you will think of on your death bed.

[–]confuseacatlmtd 52 points52 points [recovered]

I was the loser friend. It was ok because I was a good friend and was always building my friends up. Then I got boundaries, started improving myself. Suddenly, everyones behavior changed. I think I turned from a force and entertainment and validation into competition. I never in a million years would have thought of any one of those guys as competition. They were my brothers. My sisters. The only family I had.

My friend since college double crossed me and ruined a project we were doing together to do his own one with those same people. He told all of them that I had quite the first project and he told me that it was just on hold for a few weeks. He offered me a very low position on the new one. No thanks.

My female roommate, who said I was the only person in this city she could really trust, kicked me out after she saw me getting laid all the time.

My best friend since I was five, I haven't talked to in 4 months. This one hurts the worst. Every time we hung out, his GF (who I introduced him to because she kept saying she wanted to fuck me in front of my then GF) threw a fit, and came up with some reason it was my fault. Eventually, he started believing her.

I have almost no one left. But something interesting is happening. I am talking to many new people. People who I barely knew before are much more interested in me. I am getting invited places where before I was invited no where.

I can already see it happening. My friends are being replaced. But fuck, I miss them. I miss them all so bad it feels like a breakup or like they died. But maybe I'm the one who died. Maybe I can't have my old friends, because I am not that same person. In the end, I really can't feel badly about that.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Sounds like you were just unlucky. Your bros, especially the one since you were 5, will most likely come to their senses. Just keep your integrity during this time. Don't blow up, or try to justify anything, just let him think about it. There will be a time where you're at the same place at the same time and if you have acted with character the whole time, and he isn't a selfish delusional prick, he will see the err in his ways.

This chick is almost 100% guaranteed to be temporary.

[–]1beerthroway 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My best friend is one that I've known since we were 8. We were decent friends in high school, barely kept in touch in college, and now in a few days we are going to be living together. I'm pumped because this guy is my only friend constantly committed to improving himself.

You're right, you just need to hang in there and try not to burn bridges. If the bridge happens to collapse, let it, it wasn't strong enough anyways. But if it just goes stagnant, give it time. Things can turn for the best. Especially when guys start hitting their 20s. Now that I'm 25 I can see a huge difference in my mental capacity compared to even 3-4 years ago. Men truly mature late, but that's because we can mature so much. I'm excited to see how my brain functions in another 5 years. I'm excited to see men around me maturing to that state also. It sucks being young as a guy but when you hit the stride, it comes strong.

[–]grachuss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How old are you? I felt the same way until I was in my mid twenties, then I found that I was much more competitive, and didn't really give a fuck anymore.

[–]TheRedPillOverdose 2 points2 points [recovered]

Yeah it's kind of crazy I'm about to be 20 and all my "main bros" are family to me, we try to drag each other up and trough shit constantly, no one in the group ever wanted to bother with the "family man" bullshit either and everyone's sure that we will still be kickin it together in our 40s. After reading this post though I just thought of how fucked up it would feel if something did happen and the group fell apart over the years, it's like I just realized that the only people that could hurt me emotionally by leaving my life are my closest friends, it took years to build the memories and relationships. I remember there was a short period in my life sometime ago when I thought a women could give a better companionship than a man, now I laugh at that pathetic previous version of me.

[–]nicememeboss 4 points5 points  (2 children)

A dog is the best companionship you can ever have. No man no woman. Just a dog. He will fight through hell for you.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The racket my dogs are making to get back in and be around me illustrates that perfectly. My dogs come before everyone.

[–]TheRedPillOverdose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A dog is the best companionship you can ever have. No man no woman. Just a dog. He will fight through hell for you.

Just yesterday I was talking with one BP friend about how women can change men and I brought up how I can one hundred percent say that I could never care more about a women than a dog because they are much more loyal animals etc. and even though I was just saying it like it's a personal opinion he went all raging at me saying I think of women as slaves and that I just haven't met my "soulmate" haha. The same guy has said before "if a women is a 6/10 and plays video games she's instantly like 8/10" lawl.

[–]RICCIedm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Friendship is beautiful, but after all, it's just you and some random people around. Good that you're awesome and can find new friends.

[–]newbie3hunna 22 points23 points  (1 child)

People will start drinking too much (in an alcoholic type way), smoking too much, getting shitty significant others, and generally letting themselves go. Forget about them just being poor, I would be fine with that you don't need much money to live an awesome life, but they will completely change as people. It is so painful to watch, especially when you can see so clearly how easy it would be to fix things.

But you won't be able to fix things, they likely won't listen. They aren't thinking clearly and there is nothing you can do about it. You have to just keep going on your journey. I am 25 now and this post hits way too close to home.

[–]Sketti-Os 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm 23 and experiencing this first-hand. I was always a fewer-but-closer friends kind of guy. My best friend got too popular for his own good (blowing people off and inevitably becoming hated because of his flakiness), another good friend is in a serious relationship with a girl halfway across the US.

I've actually become sort-of friends with my old high school bully. He asked me for a spot in the gym one day, started lifting together, and we occasionally go out for a beer. He's actually a cool guy now.

I guess some people get boring and shitty, but some might actually get better.

[–]Mmagikarp 16 points17 points  (6 children)

Yes, this is true. I also had the GREAT idea to drag my friend into becoming a better person and essentially force feeding him TRP.. You know how it rolls.

[–]RP_with_Ranch 11 points12 points  (5 children)

"I know how to talk to girls man, i don't need that crap! I just need to figure out why this long-distance university relationship isn't working!"

[–]TruckerJohn 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I have a friend in exactly that situation right now. It sucks because I was in the same situation before I started figuring things out, now he's in the situation and I see the simplest way out. They've broken up and gotten back together at least 10 times.

[–]Mmagikarp 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah, same here. His girl broke up with him before she went to T.J. Mexico for spring break. "We can get back together once I come back". Lmfao..

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She should get him a couple shots before they fuck, penicillin is a good starter.

[–]rpscrote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

god thats so fucked, literally absolutely 0 concern for anyone but herself

[–]1xwm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My problem is my friend's long distance university relationship did work. She was raised by really old fashioned middle eastern parents and came to the US when she was 8 though, so that probably helped a lot.

[–]BRENDORVEGAS 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Everyone hits a wall in life. Most people are okay with not climbing over it, jumping over it, or even acknowledging that it's there.

[–]flexiblehold 9 points10 points  (0 children)

About 9 months ago I had to liquidate a whole social circle of friends who were weighing me down with their negativity, apathy and complacency. Though I enjoyed my time with them, I started to see myself as a complacent, resigned person, and (...not surprising...) as I improved myself gradually I watched as they became increasingly resentful and hostile to me. (It's natural for friends to feel "x thinks he's better than us with his new haircut, confidence, and posture, and he's not coming out tonight so he can 'save $,' what a dick!")

Silver lining is, though I'm lonely socially at the moment, in a sort of monk mode, I'm slaying professionally, kicking more ass than I ever have in my life, with focus, grit and determination.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (56 children)

Once you approach 30 all of your male friends will settle down and become unhappy shells of their former selves. Meanwhile the voluntarily single men in their 30s are loving life.

[–]RenderUntoSeizure 48 points48 points [recovered]

This is 2015. My male friends are largely doing a weird holding pattern of bullshit jobs + weed + video games.

[–]RiseAboveRuin 20 points21 points  (30 children)

Probably because of the weed and video games.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (29 children)

Is there any good article on how harmful video games are to a teenager who's trying to become a man? I really need some fucking convincing to quit that bs.

[–]seattleron 8 points8 points [recovered]

Just think of what kind of return you're getting on the time you play video games. They say the average gamer kid gets 10,000 hours of video games in by the time he's 18. It's well accepted that you need 10,000 hours to be a master of something, which means one of the best in the world (Read Malcolm Gladwell's book 'Outliers' for more info). You could be a master guitar player, master painter, master wood worker, master singer, etc. You're probably over 18 and have put in more than 10,000 hours, maybe even 20,000. If you had spent that time playing the guitar, for example, you could be in the top 1, 2, 5% in the world playing the guitar. How much better would your life be right now if you were one of the top guys that can do ____ (fill in the blank with something you think you'd love doing, or always wished you could do). And don't believe the bullshit that you have to be born good at something. Some things may come easier to others, but repition is the master of skill. People are good at things because they put the time in, no one is born able to paint the Mona Lisa or sculpt the David, they put thousands of hours in for it.

Video games are like movies, TV, and watching sports: the only return you get on them is the enjoyment you're getting at that exact moment you're watching them, beyond that your time spent on them is absolutely, utterly worthless. Sure, we all need some time to relax and unwind, but that should be minimal, and the more we do those things, literally the less in life we accomplish.

And nothing will dry up most 21 year old women in their sexual peak than a guy sitting on his ass playing video games accomplishing nothing. She doesn't give a fuck if you're awesome at CoD, or know the stats from every Hockey player in the NHL, or have seen thousands of movies, that means nothing and isn't interesting or going to make her friends jealous. But, be a master guitar player in front of her and her friends and watch them feelz take over and her eye fuck you.

Your time is more valuable than a vfucking video game.

Edit: grammar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

True. Thank you too! Though I'm not that stereotypical "gamer kid" anymore. I was like that until 18, then I went to the army (our country has mandatory 1 year military service, and I spent there 1 extra year) and that kinda fixed my mind and attitude, helped to find some life goals. It's just that I still have that one game left that I can't control my affection to. Sometimes I waste way more time on it than needed and I know that. Need some extra self-control for taking those things in moderation. Anyway, thanks a lot for your replies, you guys are awesome here. Sorry for kind of derailing the thread.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's all good, you know you need to change and that's the first step to improving.

[–]makesomewyrms 10 points11 points  (17 children)

you know deep inside that anything easy is harmful.

A hard video game, especially one where you have to compete against other humans, and where you do what's necessary to improve is a good hobby (high skill ceiling, mind games, teamwork...) . It will not increase your SMV but you'll get confident from achieving anything hard. An easy video game where you finish a linear storyline in 10 hours and feels like an interactive movie is harmful, it's comfortable and more like a time filler.

Most importantly, don't wait to get convinced by strangers posting stuff on the internet to quit something that you think is harmful. Use your judgement and make a decision right now.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (11 children)

I'll try to explain, sorry for bad English as it's not my native language.

For last 3 years I only play dota 2 which is a highly competitive e-sport. The game is really fucking hard and that's why it's still attractive to me.

I'm 21, I'm financially independent and I have a really good career as a software developer. I use that game to experience emotions I don't usually have in my regular life: the triumph of winning competition, the butthurt of losing, the anger, the aggression, the joy of good teamwork.

But I get carried away more than often and find myself playing all night long and feeling like shit on the next day due to sleep deprivation. It's hurting my regime and productivity.

Most importantly, don't wait to get convinced by strangers posting stuff on the internet to quit something that you feel harmful. Use your judgement and make a decision right now.

That's the best advice I could have been given, and the one I actually know myself. I know what's right for me, I just somehow lack self-control with this one particular issue. I lift, I don't drink at all, I quit smoking pot. Just can't get over this fucking videogame.

Anyway, thank you for taking your time to reply!

[–]makesomewyrms 9 points10 points  (2 children)

everything in moderation, even moderation

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's right. I'll learn that over time, I hope.

[–]nicememeboss -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah... Im going to the gym for the 5th day already today i should probably take a rest day.

[–]LiftingEmpor 6 points6 points [recovered]

I can't find an adequate analogy but imagine :

You're a big fan of the Lakers. 10 seconds left on the shot clock, you can't sit still. Ball goes to Kobe, he dribbles, breaks the ankles of his opponent, jumps and shoots. Swish.

Now you're at home and find yourself in ecstasis. But it will likely pass in a short time.

Imagine you were Kobe himself, hitting that shot and knowing 1000s of people are cheering because of you.

Playing computer games is like sitting at home watching Kobe.

Improving yourself infinitely is your path to become Kobe. For me that's RP.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're completely right. I know for sure that I won't be in pro scene making millions by playing the game on the top level. That's just not for me. I need to spend my "free" time more wisely on things that I'm really good at and that are beneficial for me.

[–]Solitary_Wolf 2 points2 points [recovered]

I use that game to experience emotions I don't usually have in my regular life: the triumph of winning competition, the butthurt of losing, the anger, the aggression, the joy of good teamwork.

take up a sport that will compliment your lifting. set a target and enter local competitions to experience the culmination of your hardwork.

video games wont get you laid.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I never do anything just to "get laid". Women are not worth chasing, I just let it happen naturally and have no problem with that. But thanks for advice about sport anyway!

[–]Solitary_Wolf 0 points0 points [recovered]

i do things that raise my SMV so that i can get laid without putting too much effort into it.

[–]BCFtrip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it takes away from other endeavors, then its not good for you. Dota 2 is fucking hard though, especially at a high level. I get that software development can be pretty dry and not too emotional often, it makes sense to have somewhere you can experience those feelings. Keep the game imo, but try and find a way to experience similar feelings in real life.

[–]-Luthe- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's ok to have a hobby like this. You just need to limit how often you play.

Say, only allow yourself 2 DOTA matches a night. Then spend the rest of your time doing something else.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Even challenging video games are a waste of time because you are investing effort and energy into something that is not real.

[–]makesomewyrms 0 points1 point  (2 children)

it's very real, it's a bunch of very fast voltage switches in a billion of transistors that you manipulate with your fingers following a pattern of timing and decision making. It's like playing a musical instrument except it's much much harder to do something that can be appreciated by the crowd (or 99.9% of girlfriends) since the basic concepts are more complex. There isn't any wonderwall or smoke on the water for videogames that anyone who doesn't play can appreciate, it's way harder to share for anyone who doesn't want to take the time to learn the basics, but it's very real. If you've read anything about TRP you know that what you're doing with your life is for yourself, not to please a crowd. Of course you have to complement your life with outdoors activities if you want to stay healthy and meet people (dance, rock climbing, lift, whatever...)

tl;dr : you're doing stuff with your fingers, stuff happens on the screen, it's real.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

With that point of view everything is real. The mistake you are making is believing just because something is difficult it makes it worth your while. You're learning how to play in somebody else's world.

[–]makesomewyrms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's interesting, let me think about it

[–]rpscrote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do very much appreciate story based games to analyze the method of storytelling... it's such an interesting medium to tell a rigid story but to allow the illusion of control over the direction of it. This is probably an exception.

If you can't stop playing video games once you start, then don't start. For me, as I started doing other things in life, video games just fell by the wayside as less satisfying

[–]1Halfjor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I loved video games when I was younger. Even more than the average 10-11 year old. It almost because a problem because I didn't want to do anything else.

Thankfully I actually starting doing stuff, and lost video games as a major interest by the time I was 15-16. There are definitely some suggestions on TRP that say you should totally abstain from that type of stuff. My feeling is everything in moderation. I'm in college now and I have a ton of shit going on. Some weeks I might play 2-3 hours of video games. Sometimes I'll go a whole month without playing anything. Occasionally I'll blast through a whole game over a weekend or two, but there's nothing wrong with that.

As long as they aren't a means of escape from your actual life, common in MMOs like World of Warcraft and shit, you're alright. I play games on PC with friends who are now at other schools or at home. Nothing wrong with a couple hours of gmod prop hunt with 3-4 friends after a Saturday morning workout to decompress the mind.

[–]bradarapsa 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If you can get to 8:00 theres some good stuff in the video. As well as reasons to quit video games. You can also just skip to 8:00. Just give it a chance from minute 8 to minute 9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7V1W967ofA

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot, I'll listen to it tonight instead of playing another match.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if it helps but when I got to 23, 24 I just stopped caring about gaming, it started felling childish and it wasn't fun anymore

[–]1Dev_on 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they aren't harmful, same as pot.

The problem is they fill the time that could be better spent elsewhere.

[–]nicememeboss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If everything you do is playing video games yeah you'll get fucked. But video games bring important lessons and handy skills especially if it are puzzle games.

I play solely nintendo and moba games and i learned a lot from it.

You can stay a bit childish everyone does. (come on playing soccer is childish and so is sports in general).

Be a fucking man when you need to tho.

[–]foldpak111 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It's even funnier the social pressure you'll get if you choose not to "settle down." I'm just like "okay everybody, you've badgered me long enough. Your life is ending one minute at a time and you spend it patronizing people who make you insecure? Wow"

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sell those old rusty cars, buy a shiny new one. Use the money from the old ones as down payment. Go in debt, get a loan, pay for interest and depreciation, pay higher insurance rates, think of all the time you'll save not having to fix that old car! You can work overtime to get extra cash because now you have higher costs for a depreciating asset.

Heard that all the time.

Now three of the cars I have rebuilt are worth more than $25,000. I've had them for decades, what are 80s and 90s vehicles worth now? That's the era I was told to sell the old stuff and buy shiny new. Now they see my 65 and 70 GTOs and they want an old car too, but they can't afford them.

Settle down, get married, load up with debt, throw away your dreams, trade hours for dollars in the hope that 35 years from now you can afford to buy the dreams you could have achieved in five years if you had pursued them.

Fuck. That. Shit.

[–]Oh_FuFu 11 points12 points  (9 children)

Bullshit. That's for most people. What about the RP' that does settle down and is enjoying and happy? Some of trp preacher have me thinking you guys are most betas banking on one close minded ideology of many things.

TRP is about being a man in all aspects of life, including BEING MARRIED.

It is a duty to teach these things to the coming generation, there is a Sufi saying that goes like "teach a woman and you teach an entire generation"

So let's start with working on our wives/gf's/plates,etc... Passing TRP to or children to pass on to our children.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 9 points10 points  (7 children)

I agree with your sentiments, but a lot of guys on TRP are not ready to hear it. Some will arrive at that conclusion on their own. Some will stick to being single late into life. Some have been burned so badly by women that they will stay alone and tell everyone they come across to do the same.

I hope that guys who read this sub realize that there are a lot of conflicting pieces of advice here. Some of the happiest men in the world are married with children. Some of the most miserable men are also married with children. It's important not to follow a recipe for life but to forge a path. Don't follow the map, evaluate the terrain and navigate your own way.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not getting married and staying alone are two different things.

[–]Netwelle 2 points2 points [recovered]

Very interesting reply. I agree with you on this. I am starting to think it mostly has to do with age. Older guys realize that a life with a significant other, with or without kids can be the next step in realizing a dream of being "Alpha". The challenge if you will, to be the greatest in a new era of your life.

I am 37. I just started following this sub. I think most of it is a big pissing match but I still follow it becuase the concept deep down is right. Men need to be men again.

When I found TRP I started to realize that my life has been a series of ups and down of being a "man", being alpha, and finding what it truely takes to have what you want. You have low points and high points. I was not traditional in how I went about things. I went to college, moved to a ski resort after and made a series of life decisions to have fun. Along the way I tried a bunch of different careers and ended up building a mid-sized craft brewery.

My life really started getting better when I found my wife. She was not a drag. She did not stop me from doing what I want. She encouraged me and was right there with me most of the time. She encourages me to be Alpha. To be the man in our family. It really helped me to get to the next level.

Unfortunatly over the last year, everything has been falling apart. Except my marriage. Everyone around me has been treating me differently. I believe it is jealously. My business partner and his aweful wife have sabotaged my business and pushed me out. My best friend took his side becuase I have been challenging his Alpha persona. In the end my wife and I decided to leave the business and the country. (I did retain my ownership shares in the company) We are now in Europe starting over.

The problem with trying to live by TRP is that as you age it gets harder to rebound. I have been in a huge slump. Feeling shitty, gaining wieght, losing my energy/desire to rebuild. To make it worse my wife is pregenant and I have been having a hard time enjoying this. I really want kids but it just seems like bad timing.

Anyway, I still believe that if you were born an Alpha you will always be Alpha. I have no money, I am depressed and life is hard right now. Even with all this against me. I have still managed, in the last 3 months to develop a business plan in a new country, seek out investors, and I am in the final negotiations of a contract to fund a new brewery. I just can't imagine how far I would be if I could get out of this slump. It will happen, it just gets harder with age.

[–]Oh_FuFu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I just turned 20 less than a week ago. I am blessed to have this knowledge and wisdom at this age. I plan on teaching what I practice to my offspring and my SO's. As well as my friends and my siblings.

[–]m2c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're on a good path, bro - stay focused on improving and you'll be proud of what you've done in no time at all.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm 45, I plan to die alone. I will not let anyone live with me ever again. Sleep over, sure, live there, fuck no.

The only thing harder about getting older is healing takes longer than it used to. You tell yourself it's harder, so it is harder for you. You're experienced, you should have some knowledge by now, you should have marketable skills or competency in areas that enable you to run a business. If you are just starting out now, fuck yeah it will be harder. You should have started sooner.

You have lots of self doubt, you defeat yourself before you begin rather than finding a way ahead. Your thinking sucks to be blunt. Change your thinking, know you can, then go do what you need to do. You're a man, fucking act and think like one.

[–]Netwelle 1 points1 points [recovered]

I believe you missed my point. There are challenges all throughout life. With age all things get harder. We get through It. I am getting through my current challenges. Being a man is facing them head on and charging.

I have no doubt in my life. I know what I have done and my path going forward. I still own my shares in my old company. I will have a new company and I am living my life as intended.

The original context for my reply is that marriage can be a part of RP. I can tell from your first sentence that you have been shredded by someone. It happens, but it is not the rule.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was divorce raped 13 years ago, almost done paying her. Not the reason I plan to be alone the rest of my life.

The reason is, bitches are expensive, both in time and money. All I want them for is sex, I have dogs for companionship. I am happier and live a more fulfilled life without having to deal with some split tail taking up space in said life. I've been alone for two years now, and have been fucking girls half my age and some closer to their mid 40s. Catch and release, she isn't setting up camp in my life.

My second marriage was wonderful, but still ended the same way because bitches can be trusted to be females. It was a great 9 years with her, but I wasn't enjoying my life like I am now. It's me and my huskies enjoying traveling and building old cars. Not feeding and supporting someone opens me up to a world of freedom. I do what I want with no regard for anyone but my dogs. It's the best living I've ever experienced.

I have another slut flying in tomorrow to get some dick, then she goes back home Sunday. She knows the score, she likes getting hate fucked by me, and gets incredibly wet from my dominance. She will never be a priority in my life, but I like her enough she can hang out in it a few times a month or year. I am my priority, then my dogs and cars. Everything else out tgere is chuffa.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What in the world makes you think being married is the most manly thing to do? The most masculine endgame would be maintaining a harem, with one main girl who you have your kids with. I can't believe how many otherwise RP men still buy that religious propaganda that marriage is somehow the most masculine outcome.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children)

Most of the single 30 year olds I know are pathetic and depressed. Perhaps that's because I'm only 23 and I don't know many of them.

[–]John_MayerMaynot 3 points3 points [recovered]

Your 30's aren't a death sentence by any stretch! If you play your cards right you'll do better than you did in high school or college.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Fuck, if you're not doing better in your 30s and 40s than high school and college, you fucked up somewhere. Seriously fucked up. Quit working Burger King and start building your life.

[–]John_MayerMaynot 2 points2 points [recovered]

I'm only talking about with women here. I think a lot of younger kids think that once you're 30 you're old and they don't realize they're going to be pulling younger chicks far longer than they think (unless that's not your thing of course.) But, if you choose to stay single then you can potentially have a lot of fun.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking eh, don't tie yourself down and it's crazy fun provided you're not some omega loser.

[–]OneTouchHowMuch 3 points3 points [recovered]

Most of the single 30 year olds I know are pathetic and depressed. Perhaps that's because I'm only 23

It's the other way around. The 30yr olds who have many 23 y/o friends will probably be more pathetic since their successful peers their age don't want to be around them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never said that these people are my friends.

[–]Ballosaurus 1 points1 points [recovered]

Ha. Better rev up that optimism, pard'ner. You'll be there before you know it.

[–]justbeaman 3 points4 points  (3 children)

He is right, though. Most single people in their 30s are miserable. They are also probably divorced, overweight, lacking in ambition, have no hobbies, refuse to leave town unless they go on a business trip to witness a celling in a dingy hotel room, and more likely than not, they are unaware of RP principles. The point is we can become the exception not the rule.

[–]Ballosaurus 2 points2 points [recovered]

I like your conclusion, but not your assumptions. My friends didn't all die at thirty. Who are you people hanging with?

[–]justbeaman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The people I hang with didn't die at 30, either, but I guess the fact that we are here improving ourselves also makes us a minority, the majority of people aren't like us and probably not like the people we hang with.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are all fat and lonely.

[–]foldpak111 7 points8 points  (3 children)

It's painful to process that by the time most men hit 40, they will not have even gotten past stage 1; stop complaining. Then level 2; realizing that women are human beings that like sex.

It's truly disturbing to know that most men never get past that, when I'm passing multiple levels on a daily basis. It's also funny to see the haters do their thing, little do they know, they are taking time out of their day to be a part of mine, plus letting me control their emotions. Guys like us purely dominate left and right without breaking a sweat.

People literally don't know what they are missing out on. Competitions scarce, though!

[–]Ballosaurus 2 points2 points [recovered]

You're the shit, bro, but not as much as me! Keep that optimism rolling.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there's a level in there where you learn that societal rules are onion paper thin and that women have the willpower of drunk newts, meaning that the token resistance they put up (which scares away most guys) is so easy to walk through that's it doesn't even begin to count as a challenge.

[–]starvinmarvin30 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm 30 and swallowed TRP half a year ago. Posts like this keep me focused and motivated. Thank you sir.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (13 children)

What's your opinion on hitting a "wall"?

What I'm saying is, say you've got a business or a source of income that is working well, it's a well oiled machine and you are "comfortable", what then?

I find there's a trap in saying "OK, once I get to X of dollars a year/month I'll have made it!"

Let's say you hit your goal...what would you do? Do you strive for the bigger house? The fast car? Is striving for material possessions really a strong motivator? Or would you rather have a lot of money to travel a lot? At what point does striving for more, for improvement, become demotivating? and what then?

...or does one ignore goals and just hit the wall head-first without hitting the breaks?

[–]sd2001 18 points18 points [recovered]

I'm frugal as hell (comes from growing up dirt poor) so what motivates me is definitely not cars, houses, boats and hoes...

I like business. More precisely, launching businesses. Taking an idea and working like a madman to make it into something that someone will pay real money for and be very happy they did.

That, to me, is fun. The motivation is in the journey. And I think that's the key.

If your motivation comes largely from just the goal then when you get there, just like you said, it's easy to hit a wall.

But if you find something you like doing so much that just the act of doing it challenges and excites you, then you're golden.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

See, this may sound weird, but I'd love to open a Frozen Banana Stand. It's something I fantasize about sometimes, and yes, it's completely stolen from Arrested Development.

Part of me just wants to do it for the sake of doing it. To be able to say "I made my own Banana Stand". The satisfaction of having done it. That's what you mean, right?

So perhaps a part of the challenge is finding something that excites you, yeah?

[–]BRENDORVEGAS 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There's always money in the banana stand.

[–]sd2001 8 points8 points [recovered]

Go open a goddamn Frozen Banana Stand.

And after you open one, go open 10 or 15 more if that's your thing (I can imagine there's definitely some potential in capitalizing on the Arrested Dev fame).

So perhaps a part of the challenge is finding something that excites you, yeah?

That's not part of it. That is it. What else is there to life?

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You get it. Fucking eh, you're on the right page.

[–]rpscrote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See, this may sound weird, but I'd love to open a Frozen Banana Stand. It's something I fantasize about sometimes

Maybe a little...

But there's nothing weird about a man starting his own venture, with no certainty of success, and giving it his all.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do that with cars, build them into something worth buying. Lately I've been doing my cars, but soon I'll be building to sell. I enjoy the work, and the money isn't what drives me.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Your goals don't always have to include money or career goals. Set a goal to see new things, to experience new things, and to learn new things.

I just started learning to build things with my bare hands and for shit's sake it's one of the coolest things I've ever done. To look at a shelf, or table, you made with your own hands is an awesome feeling. I hope that I can build a house some day and give it away, that's a new goal I've been thinking about.

Think outside the box, you;re a human being, and you have the capacity to learn for the rest of your life. Use that time learning and experiencing new things. Goals don't always have to = money or possessions.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hear, hear! Great response.

[–]RedditArgument 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Good question and in my opinion when you hit that wall so to speak it's because you've had the wrong goals in mind. I'm of the opinion that physical things are rather silly goals to have. A big house and a nice car and a big bank account appeal to me sure, but if I could trade that for a year of experiences in a foreign land? No doubt I'd take that trade.

Once money stops being a means to an end and instead becomes your goal you've lost sight of what matters. Earning too much? Cut back on your hours/efforts and pursue a hobby instead. Have a business that can be run without your interference? Take a long term trip to that country you've wanted to visit.

To answer your question work and business aren't about improving your bank account and business, they're a tool for giving you freedom to do what you want to do whatever that may be. Stop working yourself to death once you hit that 'wall' and start living life like you're half-retired. If you keep waiting and saying "once I have this much I can have this or do this" you'll never end up doing it. Dont wait until you're 70 to start enjoying the fruits of your labour in the only way that matters (at least to me) by experiences and freedom!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, I really needed to hear this.

[–]theprofessorsnumber 12 points12 points [recovered]

This is definitely true. I'm 22 and 90% of my friends are in committed LTR's while the rest have just become complacent with mediocrity. It sucks cause I cannot convince my single friends to come out to bars/clubs on the weekend and my friends in relationships are doing their thing and they spend most of their time with their GF's. I need to make some new friends.

[–]Endorsed ContributorScumbagBillionaire 26 points27 points  (12 children)

Bars and clubs are a waste at that age unless you have foolproof logistics, lots of disposable income, and/or are top 10% genetically looks-wise.

I mean yeah you can get lucky now and then but if you don't fit into the above you're fighting a losing battle.

By all means play the field but bars and clubs aren't the best way to do so in my opinion unless you fit into the criteria I described or you have a niche that allows you access to lots of hot women (club promoter, dj, band member, athlete, or simply very good looking or popular).

I'm 23 and broke. I support myself, have a car and jobs, and go to school full time (night classes). I don't have time/money/energy to go to bars/club hop. I'm short. Started balding at age 17. I'm a minority. My face is average and without facial hair it's actually probably slightly below average.

Being buff and being well dressed only gives me so much leeway in a nightgame environment if I don't already have pre-established value. I simply can't compete in the hyper competitive environment because so much of it is focused on looks at that point.

I'm now transitioning into approach game/dating game. Basically playing the numbers game to secure dates and find fuckbuddies instead of trolling the bars for mediocre or average women.

Works out far more because then my persona/charisma/confidence come more into play.

If I was at least 5'11" and conventionally good looking I'd probably care more about night game but now I'm almost 24 and I'm realizing the futility of fighting this losing battle at the bar/club every weekend.

Check out the death of a nightclub rant by Aaron Clarey to understand my viewpoints a bit more.

[–]sushisection 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Some of us don't go to bars/clubs for the sole purpose of getting laid.

I go just to get away from my daily routine.

[–]Endorsed ContributorScumbagBillionaire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well I'm talking about in the context of getting laid.

I will grab a beer with friends now and then just to chill as well.

[–]usmc8541 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As much as you try, you can't beat genetics. Just try to make more money and fuck whooores.


[–]foldpak111 0 points1 point  (8 children)

That's some delusional shit right there. You think you can't kill it in clubs because of your looks? I took an RSD boot camp and when we went out to the venues the guy who was killing it was this little Asian guy that was just wild.

[–]Endorsed ContributorScumbagBillionaire 13 points14 points  (7 children)

So tired of the guys preaching this "confidence can overcome anything" crap. Been there done that. I know what it takes to pull. It almost reminds me of "feelz over realz".

It's not about what I think I can or can't do. It's just time, money, and effort to fight a losing battle.

I've pulled from clubs before. I'm not ugly. I'm buff. I have style.

It's just not worth the time & effort for me to do nightgame right now. I have to work 10x as hard as my taller better looking friends to get equal and lower quality pussy. I have to do 10x as many approaches and go through 10x as many rejections.

I mean yeah go clubbing if you want. I still go every once in a while and when I graduate college and get my money up I'll probably find a niche scene where I can make connections with promoters, bouncers, djs, and bartenders and get a little thing going on.

But after years of partying and understanding the dynamics my heart isn't in it right now. Plus I'm getting older and I have more important things to worry about than bars/clubs like paying my rent and finishing my degree. In addition, I watch my good looking friends have hot girls open them almost every weekend. They don't even have to approach. I know the rules and I know how the game is played.

I simply choose not to play at this point in time.

Also I don't know what your definition of "killing it" is. Talking and flirting with girls is not "killing it" to me. Dancing with girls is not "killing it" to me. Getting phone numbers is not "killing it" to me. Making out with girls is not "killing it" to me. That stuff is not an accomplishment to me. It doesn't even register for me to make out with a 9 in the bar if I don't take her home.

My definition of "killing it" is having my cock jammed down the back of a bitch's throat or 6 and a half inches deep into her stomach.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Same here. Pick the battles worth fighting. Day game works better for men like you and I because the girls don't have the advantage of being pursued by every swinging dick in the area. You, and her, with all your positive traits unfolding before her for a private showing.

[–]rpscrote 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Pick the battles worth fighting

Straight out of the Art of War

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Straight out of my life experience and the harsh lessons learned therein. Good to know Tsu and I discovered the eame thing a few hundred years apart.

[–]rpscrote 0 points1 point  (1 child)

shows how fundamentally true these concepts are to the human condition

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It certainly does. It's amazing how many people ignore things like that.

[–]redpillerinnyc 0 points1 point  (1 child)

A few thousand years. Some things never change.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are hundreds in thousands. I'm not sure which dynasty he was living during. So I went conservative.

[–]whatisinausername_ 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I found a blog post over at /r/Stoicism about dealing with haters using philosophy. It's pretty good, I think.

It's painful to watch. It is. And you'll want to help them. But be very, very careful if & when you decide to.

People can be boat anchors. This is a fact. And there's nothing more that a person "stuck" in life wants more than to rationalize their shit by seeing someone that has zoomed past them now stuck.

Friends like this don't do it out of hate. They actually do it because they like you...a lot. But they have a hamster of their own. The "not my fault" hamster.

Damn, man, I'm in the same boat. Needless to say these guys aren't my friends anymore. They think I'm an asshole because I have confidence now. They hate me for doing my own thing because they still work for corporations and they hate it.

Here's an example for you: I'm 36. I've founded 5 companies in the last 10 years. 3 of which I still own. I do pretty well for myself. But not because I'm particularly smart. But because I was always too dumb to quit trying. Because I'm always striving. I won't settle (emphasis mine).

Again, we talk about Stoicism in this sub all the time, and there was an post about being forever content on the same blog mentioned above, too. Stoicism is the way to go, in my opinion.

If you want to be "Dark Triad" (Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy) but aren't a psychopath (most of us aren't) You can replace that part of the triad with Stoicism.

To learn more about "Dark Triad" traits check out /u/illimitableman's blog: illimitablemen.com.

[–]mo_dingo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks for the link to the first post, great read. Nicely sums up what I try to do every day.

[–]whatisinausername_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too my man. It takes a lot of courage, but it feels amazing when you get to do what you want regardless of the opinions of others.

Using amused mastery on dudes who are trying to cut you down is hilarious. Nothing gets their man panties in a bunch quicker than not being able to shake your frame.

[–]chill1995 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All the comments and this post sums up my current situation. I've known a guy since the start of primary school and he's slowly turned into a beta. The more I feed him in the way of knowledge and advice the less he responds positively. It's funny because his bluepill ways have led him into unemployment and depression with no clear direction.

The pill is something people have to take themselves.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for posting this! As a new redpiller, one of the most glaring things I've discovered is how much my mindset is differing from my current friends. Shockingly enough, I'm finding myself becoming more and more disgusted with their BP behavior when I'm around them. It's a strange feeling, these were people I once enjoyed hanging around with, now it's taking all my willpower to not verbally tear apart their false misconceptions of the world. I suppose this is a normal thing when starting TRP.

[–]MyRedPillLife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there's another deeper message in your post.

A week ago we had a post with the title "Don't save her. She doesn't want to be saved." and wondered if that's true for my blue pill friends as well. It is.

I AM someone who's in a shit economy at the moment (Greece) and the last few jobs that I got went (one didn't paid his employees for months, the other decided to close the store because it didn't go well). However, I'm not giving up!

However, I know a person from Chile that we talk over Skype once a week, he's roughly in his thirties (same as me). But there's a very BIG difference between us, aside the sociopolitical environment: He stopped trying. He will go to work, do his data entry job and then come back to shove his face into an MMORPG where he is a catgirl building a nice cottage house in the countryside. On the other hand, what I do is learning programming, German through duolingo, reading non-fictional books around start-ups, self-improvement and how to learn better when I study. You don't have to be an oracle to see who's heading towards a better future.

Naturally, as a follower of TRP I tried to hint him how he's throwing his life away playing video games, subtly. I asked him if he has any girlfriend and he called them all sluts. Fair enough. Then he added "what I'm interested right now is a girl that has good heart first and appearances come later". Now that's some hamstering shit and I outright tested the hypothesis by asking him "does that mean that you masturbate only to girls that are kind?" and watched him mumbling.

I'm not gonna cut him off my life. I'm mentally at a stage that external behavior stopped phasing me away from what I'm focused on. I just feel bad about the guy. He most likely had it hard like I had before I get introduced to the pill. He most likely thinks the world is unfair (it is) and that he had a bad starting hand in the game of life (he might, things aren't fair). But even with a bad hand you can always aim for a better hand. You won't become a Hollywood star or Zuckerberg but I'm sure there is such a thing as "attractive male" in his country, and "top 40% male" (not even 10%) that he could easily strive to reach out for with just a couple of changes, networking and developing skills that are in demand.

But I'm not gonna tell him that. He's not open to my input or anyone's input. This is the reason why we use the "we don't talk about the fight club" cliche lookalike. We can affect the people we know but only when they are open to accept our influence. I can't just grab an axe and crack his brain open to let information pour down. The best thing I can do is improve myself and let him figure his shit out.

[–]Mitchs_Frog_Smacky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But a HUGE measure of a man is how fast he gets back up when he's been kicked down.

First time posting on TRP. This statement echoes with me more than anything I've read thus far. My life has been a sinusoidal wave of highs and lows but even when I think the low can't get any lower the next high I reach make the next low much further down. This doesn't deter me, this inspires me. It builds me and my character. Makes me stronger. For all the setbacks before are only the foundation to fortify me for the next challenge in life.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You will not regret outgrowing your friends. After 15 years, I came across a long-ago friend who now has his daughter living as a male with a boy's name. Imagine what kind of messed up life creates this behavior. Luckily, I moved on years ago.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who feels the slow loss of his friends, because of diverging paths in our lives, I can safely say, do not burn that bridge. Maintain it, even if just by patching it up here and there.

Whenever you meet, it will just be like old times. And in and of itself, that is worth it.

Also Kipling.

[–]hotcaulk 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Lady here to agree with you, sir! We don't care what you're making at this moment, we're attracted to the confidence and focus that drives you to succeed.

[–]RPsage 2 points2 points [recovered]

I'm 24 and this posts really hits home as well. My best friend is a pretty smart guy but has no aspirations in life that don't involve his SO. He has a formulated timeline in how his future with her will progress and is not receptive to any red pill beliefs I try to drop on him. I distance myself from him other than the occasional craft beer drinking session, but I dread the day his SO breaks up with him, because it will seriously make him suicidal.

[–]TruckerJohn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit man I feel for ya. I'm sure we all know a guy who's in a similar situation.

[–]kooshi84 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post really struck a chord with me. Thanks a lot man and keep doing what makes you happy.

[–]srsh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some really powerful commentary in there that makes me examine my own life. Great stuff and thanks for sharing.

[–]thebalrog_ofmorgoth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. I feel it happening already with my BP best friend. slowly, but surely, it's coming like a freight train.

[–]Screenp2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nothing painful about it as they have all been replaced with better friends who get it. i'm now surrounded by no less than a dozen great men in my life as you will be.

[–]Chippendork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is definitely me. 20's were top class. Turned 30 and tried to 'grow up' by putting my energy into a relationship, heading toward marriage, kids etc...

Yeah I was definitely wrong about that. Growing up was a bad idea. You learn why all the older people around you were so pathetic. Better not to know. Save thyself, young men!

[–]Sworn_to_Ganondorf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I introduced my best friend too this and we try and work on it together.

[–]Magnum256[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with everything here. I think one of the most vital things to look out for are those eternal pessimists, the ones, as you mentioned, who always try to reason why something can't be done or isn't worth trying. Subconsciously these people want to fail because failure is less work than success. Imagine if you never approached another woman again because each time you thought about approaching, you envisioned the rejection and believed that you knew with certainty that rejection would be the only possible outcome, so by avoiding the approach entirely, you were just saving yourself some time and effort. That'd how these eternal pessimists think and it can be frustrating as hell if one of them happens to be a friend because it can be next to impossible to change their outlook.

[–]javi404 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So much this. Well said sir.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so glad I'm swallowing the pill at 18. You guys are saving my 20's and 30's. I had a few girlfriends in high school and typical shitty friends that only wanted to drink. Girlfriends took up most of my time and I wasn't fond of drink due to my exercise regime. Since then I've dropped all of them and start focusing solely on myself (grades, working out, diet, philosophy, etc.). So thank you guys.

[–]miscandom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't read through the comments but something that my father and my grandfather told me a long time ago was "you may have many acquaintances in life, but you will only ever have a handful of friends". I have found this to be 100% true. It's a good advice I go by and thus I have always allowed myself distance to anyone that I knew would not be a potential friend. I have 3 friends I have known since junior high school that I am still in contact with and see/communicate with on a regular basis, I've had LOTS of acquaintances come and go, it never hurts to let a one sided relationship go. Find out what you value in a friendship, look for that in the people you consider your friends and unless they change for some reason I bet you don't outgrow them. Acquaintances never hurt to lose and typically I faze them out.

Just offering another way to look at the "friends" issue.

[–]1Padre55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here is what bothers me, those same friends are doing the same damn thing yr after yr and wonder why their lives are not improving.

If one is low on bucks, take up working out on your own. Learn to cook well, drop excessive bad habits, learn new things. They rarely do such things. If one enjoys hanging out and getting high or drunk, they are great. BUT, you will reap what seeds you sow, that will be your harvest b/c you spent so much time working it.

No thanks, if that means losing friends, that is how things go.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel more motivated now that I'm in my 30s. I can only speak for myself though.

[–]beginner_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The more I observe this the more sure I am you need to hit a pretty deep low to be open to TRP. and with that i don't mean getting dumped or some other standard shit. I mean being the loser through school time or having some serious mental condition (depression, anxiety,...).

For example a close friend was dumped by his girl friend last summer. He was devastated. They were already trying to have a kid. Luckily that did not work...dodged a bullet. He is pretty good looking say 8 but if he would work out and generally take more care could easily be a 9+. Then was sleeping around but with women way below him, like max.7 rather lower. Now he has a new GF, she is older than him (end of 30ties...). Yes she is pretty but its obvious he is already putting her up on a pedestal. I'm not going to say anything yet because I don't really know her yet. But I fear he is her beta bucks...

[–]1Dev_on 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would have preferred the shoulda woulda coulda mentality in some of my old friends.

the apathy they had was even worse. so long as it paid for beer on the weekend was good enough for them.

The navy friends we don't outgrow each other, we just meet up every now and again and make sure none of us are slacking off

[–]fitnesspm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of most painful lessons in life is to let go of child hood friends that you dont have anything in common with. Everytime we caught up, i never felt so alone once i took the red pill. At first i hated the world and everyone that was a blue piller. It made me very depressed to be honest! But when one door closes, another one opened! Sometimes i wish i didnt take the red pill BUT a man has to grow up sooner or later and wake up to the world and who he really is! He has to face his demons or else he will be unhealthy like most blue pillers are today!

[–]sundaybrunch11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

disclaimer: english isn't my native tongue

Mine was a little different in that it wasn't "financial" in nature. It was just a change in the way I saw the world now, especially about women. And how my friend/s are still in the same old paradigm.

I have this best friend since college, and we hung out a lot, shared stories, yada yada, you get the idea. I was more successful with women than him back then even though we were both beta.

Fast forward 15 years later and I since started lurking TRP. Occasionally, I would send him a link to hopefully get him to start thinking that the lens with which he sees the world needs to change. But unfortunately, it didn't do anything. He was still as beta as it can be, despite being a serial failure with women.

It came to a point, just last week, and this is the reason I felt compelled to post here. He invited me to a play. He liked those kinds of stuffs, and seems to be a "groupie" to the stage actors. Nevermind that he looks like an old guy trying to creep on to 20-something hot stage actresses.

It was after the play and the actors had this meet and greet with the audience. I got a picture with one of the hot actresses and in the pose, my body was physically close to hers (no awkward distance). After the picture taking, my friend white knighted me, asking if I touched the actress inappropriately, because he knew her personally.

I told the truth which is I didn't, but inside, I was taken a back. In that moment, the inner circle we have shared as best friends is now superseded. I was an outsider. And despite seeing how my friend is such a failure when it comes to women, it won't be my job to save him.

This is a friend of mine for ~20 years. I wanted him to see the light. But that is not my job. Now, my mission is to find new friends who share my views.

[–]nicememeboss -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bullshit, your friends can grow with you.

[–]suloco -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Great post! Refreshingly different we need more of this.

And it rings very true. This guy who I've been mates with for almost a decade (tight bro's too, helped each other outta some dark places) is falling a part, bit by bit.

43 yo (I'm 27), very intelligent but utterly incapable of improving his position in life. He was knocked down hard and never got entirely back up. Instead, he walks his trails with a hunched back and head low. There is just no way to boost his confidence. Worst thing is, he knows himself very well psychologically, but instead of using this to overcome his shortcomings, he defends his position in lazytown with detailed psychological description why he can't. The worst thing is I just don't see a way for him outta this. Shit is tough..

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All my boys are players who run through women faster than we run through our protein powder.