http://archive.today/5njIw (archive courtesy of SRD. Thanks guys!)
This one's a fun one.
To establish a timeline, the OP is 31, with her husband being 34. They've 'known each other' for five years (whatever that means) and been married for two. That places their marriage at when she was 29, and them 'knowing each other' when she was 26. The events of this tale occur more than ten years prior, so somewhere between 18-21.
A married woman from /r/relationships is at a friend's birthday party with her husband. Her husband, while talking to another of her female friends, discovers that she "used to engage in threesomes with [her then-boyfriend] and his male roommate. Probably 12-15 in total, but all my husband knows is that it was 'more than once'." It comes out later in the comments that these threesomes were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It's unclear if the husband knows about that aspect.
Hubby is not happy at all. He's refusing to sleep in the same bed and is avoiding conversation. He says he feels repulsed by the sight of her.
Our heroine's view is that -- oh, fuck it. I'm just gonna quote her.
College was a totally different time in my life. I was drinking every weekend, doing recreational drugs every month, partying, having casual flings - just like everyone else at that age. It was a hedonistic "live for today" lifestyle that I thankfully grew out of. I look back on those years with a lot of regrets, and not just about my sex life. I mean, it was 10+ years ago. I'm a totally different person now.
I know I'm not a good person for keeping this from him, so please don't lecture me. It was a chapter of my life I'd thought I'd closed for good. It was my ONE secret, and I honestly debated telling him about it but came to the conclusion that no positive outcome could come from it.
Fearing a divorce over something that happened ten years ago, our heroine to pursue the advice of /r/relationships.
Now, the interesting thing is what happens next, and the mix of advice.
While, as regulars here might expect, there is a fair bit of shaming of the husband for not leaving the past in the past, there are also attempts at understanding (but not legitimising) his feelings.
People tentatively suggest that maybe her past is his business, against the common line that 'the past is the past' and that she's 'a different woman'.
The practice of hiding it is questioned, but ultimately legitimised. Peculiarly, promiscuity both exists in a state where it's nothing to be ashamed of and also acceptable to avoid mentioning. The reasoning given by some is that he never asked that specific question. Ultimately blame falls to her friend for telling him. Again, this highlights an odd disconnect. Somehow his pain at finding out about something she did is due to the informer, as opposed to the actor. Seems to be a case of shoot-the-messenger.
The top comment strikes on something interesting, suggesting that her husband's upset would be acceptable if he discovered it when other people were talking about it. In other words, it's acknowledged that being with someone promiscuous is detrimental to his reputation.
In particular, a common line of questioning by commenters is about their married sex life, thinking that he might be indignant about denied pleasures. (Answer: pretty good, but she won't let him come on her face or do anal. No word on whether the threesomes included it.)
There's even a distinctly red-pill comment that mentioned the carousel by name.
Overall, it's the /r/relationships we know and love, where the woman can do no wrong and the man should love unconditionally. But there's definitely dissent.
The RP perspective is painfully obvious. It's the usual tale of a woman riding the CC during college, then settling down with an older, established guy as she approaches the wall. OP realises that her actions signal her unsuitability, so she conceals them. This change of heart, of course, only happened later on, as the friend was well aware of her promiscuity. As the husband cranks the dread to DEFCON 1, she acknowledges her actions and tries to find the best way to avoid displeasing him further.
Hamstering is abound in the comments, as OP's situation is a stark reminder that they face the same fate. They try to convince her that she did nothing wrong and that in fact she's the victim here, of an oppressive, insecure husband. Some suggest cutting him loose entirely, while others suggest a carefully patronising apology, not for her actions or for hiding it, but for how he feels. A 'sorry you feel this way' apology.
It seems the advice can be boiled down to two different approaches, each helpfully symbolised by coloured medication.
Criticise him for feeling what he does in an attempt to override his disgust at her with shame. Ideally, he'll apologise for his judgemental behaviour and go back to being a loving husband. This would, in effect, be force feeding him the blue pill.
Attempt to distance herself from the actions by assuring him that she's a different person now. This is closer to taking the approach of the red pill, essentially trying to prove to him that the actions don't impinge on her current value.
The disharmony and paradoxes in the comments represent the clash of these approaches. The former argues that there's nothing wrong with what she did, whereas the second acknowledges it. OP is much more likely to take the latter approach, because her views thus far have been in-line with it, in that she feels guilt and blames the friend for telling (and thus lowering her SMV).
That's my analysis, but I'd like to hear others'.