If someone in the past jumped into a relationship with you and did the bangy bang, feel good about yourself. You probably weren't dumped because someone found out you're a secret serial killer or hamburgler. They probably dumped you for business reasons, namely:
You stopped providing a passionate, masculine presence.
You became a Netflix schlub or a Never-Ever-Goes-Away annoyance or you started trying to use her as a personal therapist instead of a fuck toy (gotta choose one or the other most of the time).
In short, it wasn't about you.
Your strategy might have been off. Ok your strategy was off. But do you hang all your self worth on how good you are at Battleship or Space Invaders? Because as much as you might want to deny it, it's all just a game.
We all swell up with pride when we get our first attractive lay. It makes me feel good about me. Now experienced men with high value might lay the same girl and think, "Eh."
It's not because he's a dick. It's because he's played the game so many times this particular challenge doesn't offer the same reward.
He's not a dick.
She's not a terrible person.
They're just two people who play and enjoy the game.
Begin separating your ego from your outcome.
If you are constantly with a woman, always saying yes and serving her every desire, I guarantee that woman does not know or understand you. Why?
One, you're still trying to buy her affection with services. You probably feel guilty about being away from her for very long without checking in. You still feel that she doesn't like you for who you are, but rather what you can give.
But you don't admit that to yourself. You embark on the relationship of self-discovery, hoping to drill a hole in her heart and brain instead of using the ready and willing hole that's already there.
That's the ego talking. It says, "Now that we're together, she needs to see me for who I am so that we'll be inseparable!"
The be version of you comes into the conflict with the do stuff version. You start thinking that this is a magical land where love is based on presence and tethered soulmates rather than moment-to-moment, day-to-day, hour-to-hour action and intrigue.
That's when you begin to fail.
Ok just separate your ego from everything.
When a woman smiles and accepts your offer for a drink, she's accepting the action and the drink. She's not accepting you. You could be a murderous Brazilian bounty hunter crack addict (some women might prefer this over boring dudes), but she's not thinking about that. She's thinking,
This man has initiated action. I wonder how far he'll take it. I wonder how far I'll let him take it.
None of this depends on who you are. It depends on what you're doing in that moment. If you take a shot of adrenaline and a sugar pill that you're convinced is Every Woman Love You for an Hour Extreme, then you have a much better chance of having some fun regardless of whether you're a philosophical librarian who dresses in a leotard and sings karaoke or a doctor who has a straight up velcro fetish.
It's the actions you take in that moment.
How is that not personal?
Those actions are all variations on a theme. They're all the same actions men everywhere have been taking for years. Men text. Less men, more surprising men, call. Men look away when they're nervous. Less men, more confident men, maintain eye contact.
These are not magical movements that you have invented. They are not your calling card. A woman might tell you, "I loved the way you ... on our first date." She actually means, "I love the fact that you ... on our first date."
That leads to...
You are way more like other men than you think.
You know who are all extremely similar? Every guy walking around thinking he's the different one. That's fully concentrated Blue Pill right there. You are absolutely no different from most of us.
Women want you to think you are different because it's an easy way to make you feel special without actually, you know, doing anything.
So if she's heard it all before, seen it all before, and had it all before, why should she pick you?
Because she's heard it all before, seen it all before, had it all before, and she knows exactly what you're offering. That's why you get accepted. Not because you're a special snowflake but because she can gauge fairly well based on your actions which category of man you fall into compared to all the dudes in her past.
That's about as impersonal as you can get.
So breathe. Take a deep breathe. Approaching women is now like walking into a flea market or a Chinese Walmart. It's not as glamorous as you'd hoped, but that doesn't devalue any of the products. It just means you openly acknowledge that if you start bartering and the price gets too high, it's not a reflection on you.
It's just business.
You probably feel terrible about past rejections that no one care about except you.
You worried what everyone in the situation thought about you, rather than analyzing what you actually did. You probably failed to remove yourself from the situation enough to just enjoy it. You thought that everyone around listening to your pickup shtick was going,
"Oh my god. That guy is creepy."
"That's so weird. Why is he hitting on her?"
You probably also hope for the reverse,
"Whoa, that guy totally picked up that hot girl. He must be awesome!"
"Whoa, that dude totally went for it. He must be a total player."
We love attributing our successes to our selves, but it's just as untrue as attributing our failures to our selves. None of us like acknowledging that every champion and hero is always one misstep or awkward moment away from losing the championship. We don't normally acknowledge that there are second and third place contenders who could destroy that first place guy 4 out of 7 days a week.
You can do so much more than you give yourself credit for.
If your actions are based on who you imagine yourself to be, good fucking luck. Since all of that shit is subjective, it means you're basically waving your hand through smoke trying to grab whispers of your own being. It might be an interesting exercise, but it will never give you a jumping off point for attracting women.
If your actions are based on what you want, that's a much more solid foundation. "I want to get fucked, so I will go talk to women until I find one who will fuck me." Boom, bam, done.
"I want to have epic sex, so I will get in shape enough to have a sex marathon." Done and done.
"I want to design a rollercoaster, so I will begin learning engineering and drafting." Okeedokey!
"I want a woman to love me for who I am." Sorry bud, she'll only ever pretend to know who you are based on... you guessed it,
What you do.