LTRLesson from my father: The 3 roles any married or LTR man, and his woman, should master. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by TempleNameJob

I had the great luck to be raised by natural alpha father. He was the master and commander of his family and was married to a dutiful wife. They had their issues, sure, but they set a great example for me. But in this modern age, such a well-defined man/woman role dichotomy is truly rare.

That said, my father often repeated to me this:

When a couple is married (or in an LTR), they have 3 specific roles:

Husband/Wife, Father/Mother and Boyfriend/Girlfriend

He told me it was the Boyfriend/Girlfriend role where many people eventually fail and thus their relationship is doomed. My father, even now in his 70s, will slap my mom's ass, flirt with her, grab her and kiss her, etc. And I can see my mom relishes it.

So about the roles (using my dad's terminology):

Husband: Master and commander of his ship. Leader. Provider. Decision maker. Warrior. Hunter.

Wife: 1st Mate, keeps the castle clean and and the walls strong, shines the armor, sharpens the swords, cooks the hunt and dresses wounds.

Father: Nature. A guide and a mentor. A solid rock. Teaches strength, survival, defense, offense, respect, gratitude, and honor.

Mother: Nuture. Warm and loving. But enforcer of the castle rules. Teaches reading, writing and arithmetic. Teaches hygiene, manners, and health.

Boyfriend: Fucks and flirts. Flatters her. Keeps himself fit and attractive. Sometimes edgy and unpredictable. Other women want him.

Girlfriend: Spreads her legs for him and sucks his cock. Feeds his ego and makes him feel powerful. Keeps herself fit and attractive. Submissive and charming.

As I've developed into a man, gotten in an LTR, and had a child, I often go back to this list and see how I'm doing. I have failed sometimes. Sometimes life gets the better of me and I forget to be a boyfriend. But the closer I am to fulfilling my roles, the smoother my relationship is. All of it. The bills get paid and my cock gets sucked and the castle walls remain strong.

[–]CoriolanusRevisited 214 points215 points  (41 children)

What is often overlooked in the modern era, when people discuss their marriage and their guidance of their children, is that parents are also providing a model to their children at all times of what a normal and healthy sexual relationship is supposed to look like between man and woman.

So the helicopter parents, and the instances where people completely neglect their spouse's needs and desires in an attempt to be a 'perfect' parent for their children are completely backwards. By being a good wife or husband you are inherently being a good parent.

Children need parents that love and desire each other far more than they will ever need violin lessons or soccer practice.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 78 points79 points  (32 children)

In order for most marriages to function properly, there needs to be a system in place to cultivate such arrangements. Decades ago, the system was in place, wherein gender roles were highly recognized and idealized.

The men would go out and work to provide for their families. When they were done and came home, they'd come home to a fully prepared meal and a loving wife.

Women would stay home, tend to the household and the children, and dote on her husband. In return, all of woman's necessities would be provided for and she'd even be rewarded with some luxuries now and then.

These were the accepted norms back then. Men didn't feel pressured to sell their souls to a woman's greed and selfishness. Women didn't feel the pressure of having to work for a living. This way of life allowed marriages to prosper.

Today? Women work alongside men, not efficiently or willingly, but because society has told them that it is their destiny. This almost essentially doubles the potential work force, but without growing demand. And because companies are running leaner, they cut down their ranks and pay people less. Companies can pay people less and have them work equally as hard, if not harder, because the supply has greatly increased.

Women working means they have elevated their "status" and will no longer desire men at their level or below it. But men of higher status don't care for much of those women. So you end up with a bunch of disgruntled women marrying men they aren't attracted to.

Which ultimately means that most marriages of the modern era will fail.

[–]ejpusa 12 points13 points  (28 children)

Women work alongside men, not efficiently or willingly, but because society has told them that it is their destiny.

99% of households in NYC could not survive here without both members working, would be impossible. Maybe in Nebraska, but impossible in Manhattan. 2/3 bedroom apt (100K/yr), if you can find one, throw in 2 kids in elementary school (50K a year, if they even get in), you can just squeak by at $200K for 2. My local deli is now $15 a lb for potato salad. So you can guess your food bill.

Nice in principal, but reality check here. Here's a nice 2 bedroom. $65K a month. A fixer upper. It's pretty insane.


[–]SnowCrash78 18 points18 points [recovered]

You do not have to live in one of the most expensive places in the US.

[–]felipebarroz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's the second most expensive city on Earth, beside Tokyo.

[–]Veldashok 35 points35 points [recovered]

Your argument doesn't invalidate the above poster's point, though. It actually makes it more valid.

That NYC is expensive relative to a working wage in NYC is a direct result of the problem with doubling the supply of available workers: without an increasing demand to match the supply the value of the commodity (labor) is halved. If wages were doubled as a result of the labor pool being halved, one parent could make enough money to support the family.

However, if everything you're saying and implying about NYC is true, NYC would have an absolutely massive fucking homeless problem. A quick search tells me that 1 in 152 people in NYC are currently homeless. While that is not an insignifigant number, it doesn't convey the same sense of overwhelming poverty and doom you seem to be describing for those living in NYC area.


Something is illogical about your claim, and I think its that you fail to mention that people really do pay more in NYC to offset the cost of living. I mean, they would have to, or more people would be homeless than there are. Also, this is totally related to the increase of supply of working citizens due to gender equality, and not contradictory like you claimed.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)


What is this?

[–][deleted] 12 points12 points

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[–]1sailorJery -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

less than half of a percent

[–]newpua_bie 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Err, 1 in 100 would be a percent while 1 in 200 would be half a percent. 1 in 152 is 0.66 percent.

[–]1sailorJery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my bad, two thirds of a percent

[–]krakosia 0 points1 point  (1 child)

People find work arounds. If the rent is 4k for a 2 bed then they would split a room with another person and bring rent down to 1k/head. If there is a family involved then they move much much further away and increase the travel time to be able to work in the city and live in a more affordable place.

[–]ejpusa 0 points1 point  (2 children)

The 1 in 152. Seems low.


Thousands of New Yorkers living in dangerous 'cluster units' as homeless population tops 59,000, a record high

The homeless population has risen to an all-time high, forcing the de Blasio administration to house desperate families in decrepit tenements red-flagged by the city’s own inspectors as hazardous.

As many of my XX friends say, "OMG, I would quit work tomorrow if I could, but I can't, we would be on the street"

PS, in my experience, women are far better project managers across the board. They are great at that. Multi/tasking is in their brain. Would much rather work with a women managing a big software project then a guy. Guys ego's always get in the way, for women, it's not such an issue. Just get the job done, put your egos away.

Of course you mileage my vary. :-)

[–]Veldashok 1 points1 points [recovered]

59,000 people in a city of 8.4 million total is actually worse than 1 in 152, so you're right. I was wrong. It's actually even less of a problem than I had originally projected.


[–]ejpusa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So lets say, those are people in shelters, throw in another 5,000 (it could be way more then that) that never make it to shelters, so we have +64,000 people homeless in NYC, and still think that's low.

64,000 people are just wandering the streets, and that's not a problem for anyone? This is an island by the way.

But have to say, NYC gov does try it's best. New Yorkers are pretty caring people, believe it or not. The situation in SF was pretty scary last time I was there. No one seemed to care at all.

Here's a nice chart, based on the trend, any guess where we'll be in 2020? That's a heck of a hockey stick curve.


[–]ejpusa 0 points1 point  (1 child)

PS, here's a few photos of what NYC looks like after the workers go home. This is the central hub of transportation (Penn Station). Yes, this is NYC, not a 4th world country.


[–]Orxbane 17 points18 points  (1 child)

So leave then. There really is no good reason to raise a family in NYC.

[–]swoleo_dicaprio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's insanely convenient. If you make any money, you're living in a neighborhood where everything you could ever need or want is within a few blocks. No loading the kids into the SUV and getting on the freeway to go to the movies. And by the time kids are 10 they can take the train themselves. I don't have kids, but at my age many friends do. Parenting is tough anywhere but you don't have to be a rat-racer. You can live comfortably in Park Slope or something and raise your kids on a quiet tree-lined block with educated interesting neighbors. See also: Uber, seamless, fly cleaners, wunwun, post mates, Amazon same-day, early movie releases, fireworks, concerts, the awesome beaches in Brooklyn (ft. tilden), libraries, parks, weirdos, great schools, museums, nuts 4 nuts, dog parks, RC boats on the Central Park pond.... It's dope man

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Take that new york and shove it.

[–]cruxae 6 points6 points [recovered]

is public school not free in america?

[–]Talisk3r 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It's free but the quality of the public schools vary wildly . Some are really great, some are basically just prisons that release the inmates at the end if the day.

[–]1sailorJery 4 points5 points  (2 children)

no one who loves their children willingly send them to public schools in NYC

[–]save_the_rocks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NY's magnet schools are top notch.

[–]T_H_E_T_R_U_T_H -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Think he was calculating the total cost of school supplies, lunches, field trips, extra curricular activities, etc. For a K-12er

[–]swoleo_dicaprio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Not here in NYC" is something I think a lot on this sub.

[–]Traz_Onmale 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Marriage prospered? Why was valium use so widespread in housewifes then?

Also the fertility rate has almost halved since that time, decreasing the supply of workers.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Compared to the widespread use of antidepressants nowadays? I recall a lot of stories about women drinking alone in their spare time while at home. But today, more women are "diagnosed" as having depression than ever before.

Also the fertility rate has almost halved since that time, decreasing the supply of workers.

Yes but you didn't have as many women competing alongside men for work. The stay-at-home mom was the accepted role for most wives.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (3 children)

This sounds like my parents. Sexless marriage, emotionally unstable, divorced eventually. Now I'm with a single mother who prioritises buying decorations over keeping the fridge stocked. Sorry for the impromptu rant, your family description made me jealous. I hope I can have a family like you described one day but I'm not sure I've got what it takes and I wouldn't have kids unless I could fulfil the role my dad failed to.

[–][deleted] 12 points12 points

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[–]bluedrygrass 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There are legions of people like you. Young men totally corrupted by unfit mothers.

And the numbers will raise even more in the future.

But at least you found this place. You can have a sense of the direction you need to take. Many others didn't have that luck.

[–]meet_me_at_high_noon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend and I go out every weekend. Whether it be to get drinks or hang with friends we go out every weekend. During the week we try to catch a movie. We leave my son with a grandparent and take a couple hours off. We also work out together.

My son is the most well developes and adjusted of his generation our family (he has several cousins all the same age) one cousin can't be away from his parents, one cousin is a princess and another cousin doesnt talk despite being three and not having any disabilities.

Being present doesnt mean being there all the time. It means being there when you are there. That documentary that was posted on here about population decrease last week made a great point: there have been thousands of generations of parents who weren't obsessed with their kids. And their kids turned out fine. So many parents are living through rheir kids ibstead of understanding that children are just one part of their lives.

[–]SupALupRT 2 points3 points  (0 children)

all that bullshit about "kids always come first" is just that. Your wife or husband always come first with kids a close second. Everything in the family flows from how strong the man and womans relationship is.

You want to parent your kids well? You give them the blueprint on how to manage the most important relationship of their life.

[–]alpha_n3rd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what I tell my wife every time she comments that the kids are watching us make out

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Excellent post, always glad to find solid LTR material here.

I was raised in a nuclear family, but my Mom's well-meaning Marriage 1.0 paradigm upbringing left me woefully ill-prepared for the wave of children of divorce and broken families that populated the '80 sexual marketplace. Men coming of age with this sub as a resource have no idea how fortunate they are to have come upon it while still young.

[–]LessASnowmanThanAGod 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I identify with this sentiment a lot. My parents started dating before the birth control pill was introduced, so it's always always amusing to be given old-fashioned (obselete is probably the better word) life advice by my mother.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's my parents' generation too, the vanguard baby boomers. "Ask a girl you like if she wants to go out for a malted." is only a slight exaggeration of how quaintly obsolete it could be for an early '80s dorky teen.

"Why don't you ask Mary out?" She's cute but um... not interested in me.

"Well then why don't you ask Laura out?" She's smart, but she lives with Mary.

"So?" They share a 1-bedroom apartment, Mom.

"(still takes her a minute)"

Years later: "How was your weekend, Son?"

Excellent, hosted a birthday party for GF's 4yo, 12 kids and the Dad came, everyone had fun.

"Sigh, I'll never understand your generation."

[–]RedHeimdall 28 points29 points  (0 children)

OP's Dad: "Son, know why your mom and I are so happy? Every night after reading you your bedtime story, your mother spreads her legs for me and sucks my cock."

OP: "I'm eight. What's a cock?"

Seriously though, lucky to have a dad who knows the score.

[–]NeoreactionSafe 26 points27 points  (11 children)

"Girlfriend: Spreads her legs for him and sucks his cock. Feeds his ego and makes him feel powerful. Keeps herself fit and attractive. Submissive and charming."

Agree. This is the way things should be. You need a woman who is capable of assuming this role which is extremely hard to find these days.

You have described the /r/RedPillWomen .

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (9 children)

More women need to surrender themselves to men, as this brings out the male's masculinity. Good luck finding a female that's like this, as the ones I meet act like blokes.

[–]magus678 15 points16 points  (2 children)

In fairness, I am willing to bet most women would simply posit that "most men" aren't worth surrendering to.

Whether they are right or not is another discussion entire, but at its base it isn't that much different than how we are unwilling to LTR/marry girls that don't fit our criteria.

[–]1aguy01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most of the bluepill guys out there aren't worth surrendering to, thanks to Feminism.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like it's a red pill vs feminism ideology problem.

[–]OilyB 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Today's women are completely oblivious of this role. Dismissive is an even better description. Dismissive of this role and of masculine sexuality altogether. 'To sexually please/be cooperative/be sweet = submissive, backward and unintelligent.'

Some women can temporarily act it but come the least bit of challenge and their surface gets scratched and out comes the rancor.

[–]1sailorJery 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Western women are the worst for this

[–]NeoreactionSafe -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

This is why /r/RedPillWomen exists.

We can as males swallow the Red Pill, but without women doing the same we are left spinning plates with Cock Carousel sluts.

After years of declining female quality we need to "harvest" those few wiser women who are seeking natural hierarchy.

Darwinian natural selection is taking place and Red Pill represents the survival philosophy.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Too bad we don't let the stupid die by removing all warning labels on things like chainsaws with 'do not try to stop chain with hands or genitals'... Yeah apparently there was some dude who tried to stop a chainsaw with his family jewels or something... or maybe it was just mistranslated into engrish.

Problem is stupidity is easy to breed... and it's what politicians want. They want a population of stupid and easily controlled automatons to keep everything working for them.

[–]NeoreactionSafe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Feminism is a "Fertility Negative" cult.

In the 1960's the philosophy was that world overpopulation was the greatest fear. American fertility was 3.7.

Now the fertility is below 2.0 and dropping fast.

Greece is 1.3.

It takes 2.13 to keep a stable population.

So in 30 years we are going the see the "Demographic Winter".

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course it is what with all those lesbian bulldyke man-hating radical feminists touting the brand of 'feminist'...

Lets not forget all the mangina white knights who identify as 'feminist' as well because their dicks are dryer than the sahara desert.

[–]meet_me_at_high_noon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Its really sad that people don't get that separate spheres doesnt mean unequal. Its just a division of labor. It doesnt mean that women havepto be treated as less. Its just a way to have a functioning household.

[–]colehoun333 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Solid breakdown. It's like playing the right type of character during improv versus her type of character.

[–]PMME_BOOBS_OR_FOXES 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My grandfather is like your father. He didn't teach me that, but he behaves that way because he is like that. My father left me so he was a great model to follow

[–]whataboutudummy 6 points7 points  (0 children)


Why do people want to hide from what's real and healthy? Glad you had positive roles modeled for you, pass it on.

[–]theHangedGod 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love this post. I had a similar family growing up, but my father, after being the absolute alpha in the first 30 years of his life, had gotten fat and really fallen out of the boyfriend role and behind on the father role by the time I was 8. I looked up to him as everything I aspired to be, and was a fat kid in early school because of it.

I like this post, but the father role of an alpha male family man is more than just a guide and mentor. A father is the mold a young son will shape himself into and the model a daughter will seek in future relationships, good parts and bad.

[–]MidlifeAwakening 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Throughout my marriage, I've always been good at delivering on the Husband and Father roles but have sadly neglected the Boyfriend role for long periods. I can see now that this was a major reason for the drop off in sex and general fun during those periods. This post is a great reminder to me to focus on keeping the fun, flirting and attraction levels high. My wife said to me the other day that she "feels like we are young again". I took this as a good indication that I'm starting to get things right in the way I lead our marriage!

[–]Sexwithcoconuts 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I seriously love this so much. I don't have much to contribute, other than the fact that I have failed in the past as well. I am so focused on being a mother (2 YO and 6 MO) that I forget my duties as wife and girlfriend. I have to mentally slap myself sometimes. I also tell myself that, because my kids are so young, it'll be easier to be a better wife and girlfriend when the kids get a little more independent. This is pretty brilliant/beautiful, and I wish it was the norm to think this way. :)

[–]NightGod 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I also tell myself that, because my kids are so young, it'll be easier to be a better wife and girlfriend when the kids get a little more independent.

Absolutely do NOT buy into this. Your time saved not chasing them around and changing diapers will be replaced with your time making sure they get to their activities and keeping up with school work. Assume that your work load is only going to increase (because it's the absolute truth) but that, like any job, you'll be more experienced so you'll get more done with them in the same amount of time.

Work NOW to start carving out that time to be a better wife and girlfriend. Make it a priority in your life. We have thousands of years of proof that kids can survive being raised in a fucking one-room grass hut surrounded by hungry wildlife, they'll be just fine with an extra 30 minutes of not being waited on hand and foot in your air conditioned, multi-room house surrounded by technology where the most dangerous creature within 10 miles is the neighbors yippy chihuahua.

Be the good wife and girlfriend before you run yourself right into learning how to be a single mother.

[–]SgtSplacker 10 points10 points [recovered]

I'm in the middle of a breakup right now. And seeing your list I can see myself filling over 90% of my part with her maybe getting 20%. I hate to draw the line with someone like that but i'm in the right with this move. Good riddance...

[–]GC0W30 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Be like a good manager:

  • slow to hire

  • quick to fire

[–]the_red_scimitar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Excellent, and glad you had the very great fortune to have that upbringing in these times.

[–]a1b1no 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thank you for this post. It's particularly timely for me, coming when I'm settling down into plump happy past-40 & forgetting the "boyfriend" role. You've expressed something nagging at the back of my mind - the "keeping fit" part..

[–]dulanamous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come on buddy... Never forget the golden rule: Lift.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)


What is this?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

the best post i have ever read

[–]Witchfinder__General 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good words of wisdom. As Corey Wayne said: a man is his woman's rock. A woman is her man's joy.

[–]isaidkneel 1 point2 points  (17 children)

what is your opinion on corporal punishment? does it have any place in this model of a family unit?

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–]isaidkneel 1 point2 points  (3 children)

yes ive experienced my father punching me with full strength and using belts, jump ropes, and wire hangers to inflict pain. i ask because some are thankful for the experience and i thought this community might feel an inherent connection to the style of leadership in which the father (and sometimes the mother as well) as the leader imposes his will and enforces the rules. i notice that among my friends and acquaintances whove gone through it, we look upon it with a sort of deranged fondness and appreciation

im not really an advocate for it, but i can see its merits to some degree

[–]T_H_E_T_R_U_T_H 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There's a huge difference between beating your kid and disciplining your kid. I got three swats with a belt on my rear end when I would do something bad, but it was always ritual. It wasn't ever my dad losing his shit, chasing me down, and callously beating me with his belt.

Personally, if I am ever fortunate enough to meet the right woman and have a kid, I'm planning on PT for discipline. Flutter kicks will set any kid straight. Fuck flutter kicks

[–]isaidkneel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a huge difference between beating your kid and disciplining your kid

i definitely agree. my mom was way more controlled and would usually set a certain number of strikes to my ass. my dad, though, would totally lose control like some animal.

knowing the extent of his strength gave me a lot of confidence and security later on though, especially after having trained and played football in high school

if i ever decide to implement coporal punishment in my family (leaning towards no) i would be very strict with the amount of force i exert and the way in which i do it. it shouldnt be a traumatic and life altering event

[–]Orxbane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flutter kicks are the Debil.

[–]Shade_Raven 1 point2 points  (10 children)

You wouldn't need corporal punishment if you raise your kids right.

[–]Sexwithcoconuts 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Is this true for toddlers, though? How did you handle your toddler? I spank my son only once a day (maybe). Other than that, he an excellent boy. When I spank him, it's after a thorough warning and he gets talked to again. I'm just wondering how others do it.

[–]CryptoManbeard 0 points1 point  (7 children)

You can isolate them in a corner (time out). Get a kitchen timer, set it for one minute for every year of age. If they talk back or try to leave, reset the timer.

This is much more effective than physical punishment. But you need to be consistent with it. They have to know the direct consequence of their action, it's their job to test you.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Honestly I don't think it matters HOW you punish your kid (aside from the obvious overstepping of corporal punishment into child abuse territory).

The more important thing is that you have rules. Rules that when broken result in punishments. Punishments that are consistent with the rules broken.

Whether you choose to spank your kid or 'time out' your kid. The kid needs to recognize the behavior that triggered the punishment and said punishment should be something that a child would prefer to avoid. Hell you could take away all their electronic gadgets as a punishment instead. When I was a kid that was the worst punishment I ever gotten. I'd rather get spanked than my grandfather come in our room and take the computer, TV, Nintendo, etc... because then all you had at that point was boredom.

[–]CryptoManbeard 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'm in agreement with you in that consistency is the most important thing. However, there's been enough studies to show that spanking is not nearly as effective as isolation in correcting behavior. There are also a lot of negative effects to it as well.

Consider that you are a small child, your parents are your security. You do something wrong and now the person you are supposed to go to for comfort and security is hurting you physically for something that was not a physical act. Imagine the confusion and fear they now have.

I do believe there are times to be "physical" with children, mainly during rough play. When my son and I horseplay he'll often through in cheap shots and what not. When he does that I'll usually reciprocate (at a much lower intensity) so he understands how what he does affects me. This is how boys learn though and why roughhousing is so important.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah I'm sure there is no shortage of literature and studies that show 'spanking' is bad m'kay... I'm sure in say 10-20+ years when the current generation of 'time out' kids grow up that there will be no shortage of literature and studies that show 'isolation/time out' style punishments cause confusion and chaos because the kid feels like they've been kicked out of the family unit when they get in trouble and blah blah blah...

Whatever brand of punishment you were given as a kid will ultimately cause some sort of psychological problems down the road. Whatever brand of punishment researchers were exposed to is what they'll try to prove is fucked up until we're not disciplining kids at all because discipline is bad m'kay....

[–]CryptoManbeard 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well if you want to not listen to research because your mind is already made up, I can't argue with that kind of ignorance. But if you're open minded about it and interested in being a better parent there are plenty of rational, non judgemental studies you can read. The good ones will admit that spanking is not ineffective, and better than no punishment at all.

Resorting to physical punishment is a cop out. It's a result of a lack of planning and patience. For some reason it's not OK to discipline any other human like this but for helpless kids it's just fine. And the excuse is always, "Well my parents did it."

We always tout TRP as being the best version of yourself and don't take shortcuts. We encourage men to learn the game to use it to their advantage. No one is here advocating that we beat our women right? So why wouldn't you take the same approach with your parenting? Learn the game and use it to your advantage...

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TRP is about finding the truth.

Society resorts to punishing men with physical punishment. The mere allegation of wrongdoing often results in guys being thrown to the ground and having a knee shoved in their back hit with tazers and beaten with nightsticks and that's even before they're proven guilty in a court of law... After they are they're shipped to a jail where said things become the norm in addition to prisoners fighting with each other you have the prison guards who beat on inmates and of course the very high possibility of getting anally raped, contracting HIV or other STDs as a result and on top of all that they can get thrown into solitary which is basically 'time out' for adults for days, weeks, months or years on end to the point where that practice is almost being considered torture when it lasts for such a long period of time...

I will hold to my belief that it does not matter HOW you discipline your child just that you DO discipline your child. Otherwise you're going to end up with a fucked up adult down the road and we have enough of those floating around with the last generation or two and the extreme lack of parenting (latchkey kids) or overparenting (helicopter parents)

[–]Sexwithcoconuts 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I already do the kitchen timer sometimes (in public or when the punishment doesn't fit the crime). He's really bad at it. He's really well behaved, and he listens well when I tell him he's going to get a spanking. I will do another trial today, though.

[–]CryptoManbeard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You HAVE to be consistent or else it's not effective. You can also apply better leverage than timeouts when they hit a certain age. For example, losing a toy he likes is a much bigger motivator for my 5 year old than a timeout.

To respond to your point, consider if your sons fear of physical harm from the father he loves is a good motivator for approved behavior. Spanking may be getting the results you want, but it's not as effective in the long run and definitely has negative consequences as well.

Finding the appropriate incentives is your job as a parent and member of society, you wouldn't hit an employee at work if they didn't do what you asked would you? How much more should you find the correct leverage on your child who you love and looks up to you?

[–]isaidkneel -1 points0 points  (0 children)

there are people that feel it is part of raising your kids correctly. i dont feel that way, but i dont necessarily feel the two are mutually exclusive either

[–]donit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is just so easy to punish someone by throttling your attention. It's like seeping oxygen.

[–]donit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The man-to-woman relationship is the key to the whole thing. Once it is established, everything else falls into place. But without it, everything crumbles.

Captain:First Mate

Man:Wife (Help-Mate)



Me Tarzan:You Jane

Mr. & Mrs. Your Name.


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always told my wife I preferred her to maintain the house and not worry about the rest. Used to get called "old fashioned" but boy am I glad I did that now.

[–]felix9 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Question... I get every single role except the Wife. I mean, maybe I'm taking that role literally but not all families have the luxury of having a Wife of that kind. To me, that implies that she has the time to do that kind of shit, but in reality women work, sometimes more than men do. Is it realistic to demand that from your woman without hurting her other roles?

[–]mkopec 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no reason you shouldn't help out to relieve some of her burdens then. For instance around my house Im the master of the kitchen. I shop, cook all the meals and do the clean up. The wife takes care of the rest of the shit around the house, laundry, cleanup, bathrooms etc.

[–]thisisnotatoaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are still modern men out there who appreciate good Scotch, so things can't be too bad :P