After more than a year of TRP I thought it's time to give something back, so I thought you guys want to hear a success story. I know I needed those in my worst times and they helped me move forward.
I'm probably much older than most of you guys. Born 1980. Raised by quiet, non-confrontational dad and manipulative, choleric mother. I love them both, but the dynamic they have is a recipe for a disaster. My mother has no respect for my dad and he was no leadership role model for me.
So there I am in 2013, 33 years old, still living with my parents, no girlfriend since college, sinking my sadness in alcohol or staying in bed, thinking I can sleep away my life and problems. I had some luck back in high school and college with girls. Some random lucky AF moments, but beta programming was just too strong to figure it out fully. Slowly the communication with girls just faded away. I was not even in a friendzone. I did not exist in any girl's life. At 24 (2005) I found a job that I stayed in because of the job. Not career, just to get a shitty salary so I can buy stuff. Like a big car, so I can drive my friends around while they laugh at me and have their fun. Or buy them drinks, so I feel social for an evening. Nearly 10 years pass like that. I lost all muscle and gained huge amounts of fat. I became ugly.
End of 2013 > The girl:
At the end of 2013 I stumbled upon a HB9 (she's super hot and equally crazy) that I knew through a friend. I probably met her back when I had some AF personality... We had a quick chat and agreed to go hiking one day. Classic story: instant oneitis and I put my best Beta Bucks guard on. Oh what a coincidence. It's exactly what she needed (30 y.o. being fucked by alphas for a decade, she's now in need of emotional connection).
I'm a great conversationalist and give all my free time to listen to her problems while fixing her stuff and changing car tires and taking her to trips and what not. Available over chat at any time (during work and sleep!!!). All this while I'm allowed to give her a massage from time to time if she feels like it.
In my mind, this is ideal love and I should be happy to be in her company and if I can get us an apartment soon, we will live happy life after that. Sex is not important while we build our future. Although everything seemed perfect, something just didn't feel right. As I said, I did have some AF qualities back in my life (girls cheated their boyfriends with me) Back in my head I knew she was just too relaxed and I was putting too much effort in the relationship. I did know PUA, so I made up some imaginary girls in my life and tried to be cocky and funny from time to time.
beginning of 2014 > Found TRP:
Reddit was a big time waster before I found the girl. So now that I'm in a relationship, I browse through /relationships /2xchromosomes /deadbedrooms etc. I stumble upon TRP somewhere and take a look at it. Denial phase lasted a week or two, broken by a pretty nice event, which I still can't believe happened: She was shit testing me the whole time, how she's going to find some other guy. To be honest, she could go find another guy anytime she wanted, so it was not really a test, just her way of making sure I'm in the right place > BB zone. So she does it again, and I just reply: "Go ahead, go find another guy". She thinks I'm kidding, but I hold frame. I say to her that either we're having sex, or she can go get another orbiter. She couldn't believe it and kept testing with tears, anger, disbelief etc. But I hold my frame and tell her that she can come over and we'll have sex or she can go elsewhere. I could not believe my eyes. The second I put my penis in her vagina, the denial was over and a big smirk on my face: "Holy fucking shit, this shit is for real?!". Months of being her slave got me to 2nd base once, now here I am, fucking her by being an asshole. Vanilla sex, she never came, but it was a fuck.
Anger phase is not a joke. I could easily believe most people just stay in anger phase their whole life, because it's not something you can come out of easily. I was now 34, no money saved, shitty job, with acute oneitis on an alpha widow cheating girlfriend, living with my parents, fat and ugly. I realized I'm a loser. An omega with no future. Suicide was on my mind. In the words of Morpheus: "I feel I owe you an apology. We have a rule...we never free a mind once it reaches a certain age. It's dangerous, and the mind has trouble letting go." I was too deep in shit for my mind to swallow all the stuff. I will never be an alpha. I could hardly be a beta. No girl would want to commit to such a loser. Current girl was already cheating with alphas. She was probably just waiting for a better BB branch to swing on. We broke up soon after. I caught her cheating and after asking in ASKTRP, I cut all contact. She kinda felt relieved, while I was in worst agony of my life. My anger turned into depression. I couldn't keep up with the work at my job. I got fired. I wanted to die.
This is where you guys come in. The success stories that I read here kept me from going deeper in depression or alcohol. At first I couldn't do much more than lift, but it's what helped me turn the downward curve back up. Full monk mode for a couple of months. I read TRP (recommended books, bodybuilding, diet etc), listen to podcasts and RSD Tyler, cut all alcohol, lift and watch diet. Months go by. I started seeing results in my appearance. I keep lifting and reading TRP and slowly tried to socialize. Lucky I still did have some true friends. I worked on my resume and references and started applying for jobs. No results at first. After a while I do get invited to couple of interviews. Then I hit the jackpot - one of the best employers around needs a guy that fits my description. I am ready for this. Slowly getting out of monk mode. Look my best, dress my best, couple of employees lined up (sort of abundance mentality at job interviews is a big plus), which gave me great negotiation leverage. I get the job and negotiated double salary I had in previous job. Lucky coincidence, but without that girl I would still be in that shitty job, without TRP I could not get this job and would be fat and ugly drunk.
Now I know there is no official TRP stand on hookers, but they sure helped me after the end of the monk mode. After I got the job and got out of monk mode, my sex life was still empty. Remember, I was full omega, no females in my life. After couple of awkward sessions with hookers I learned how to handle women, how to touch them, how it feels to have sex (even though it's "fake"), but most of all, I internalized how cheap the pussy is. I learned that jumping through hoops and being someone's slave to get that piece of meat for 20 minutes of pleasure is just not worth it. Sex is not THAT great. It's fun and all, but not worth the trouble. Oh, and AWALT goes for hookers as well. I could feel whores acting different while I improved my body and confidence. Business is business, they got their money, but the visits turned from awkward hand-jobs to fun meetings, laughs, conversations, and good sex that we both enjoyed. I got my confidence that I can have good sex. Sounds like a sad story for someone, but it really helped me understand female and their sexuality. At the end, I could see their hamster spin with questions about what's my zodiac sign - I must be a leo or taurus. And how good my body looks. It helped give me confidence that I needed.
After more months of bodybuilding, upgrading wardrobe, posture, reading books, securing my place in the company (48 laws of power FTW!), where I can actually build career, I'm in best shape of my life, have a fantastic job in the best company on this part of country with double salary then in previous job, I'm renewing my apartment and have 2 plates (Hookers are history. They helped me build my confidence, but are too expensive for a casual fuck). I'm building a social circle of 15-20 guy friends that are all successful. I make social events happen, so us guys can hang out together. They love it, they listen to my stories and we laugh at each other's stories (not at me). Their girlfriends/wives are jealous of me, since the guys love spending time with me. None of them are full RP, but they are not average blue pillers.
I ran in to my ex and I saw it in her eyes she couldn't believe what I have become. I'm pretty sure I gave her some tingles. She told me we need to talk. I said sure, we will some day. Then left. I would fuck her though. She's hot as fuck. But fuck this cunt, I've got a life now.
I can make tingles now. I can see that in girls now. What a powerful feeling when you know you're giving tingles to a girl, just by standing near her. She swallows every word you say and you can see through that bambi eyes that she could swallow much more.
I'm happiest I've ever been in my life, but I know that is not the end. Staying on the top is constant work. It get's easier and byproducts are amazing, but you can never let go. It's tempting to think about a day I can just let go, relax and get lazy. But I never want to be that low again, so I know I have to keep pushing forward. Bodybuilding through the whole winter, I can't wait what the summer will bring after I cut down to a one digit body fat.
If I could give one advice to me one year ago - when I was at my lowest - is: keep going. You will get there eventually. The way up is hard and bouncy. It looks unreachable. It's like going against the current. Once you're at the bottom you don't see any way out. The point is that you just have to keep moving and changes will happen. Slowly. You think you're making progress and then fall back. And you will meet enemies. People resent you and shame you for not being you anymore. Getting out of depression or anger phase is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But I did it. And so can you.
The best part of everything is not the girls or the money or the friends or the apartment or the new car or fit body. The best part of it is that once you have all that, you can finally enjoy LIFE. I don't care if it's hard day at work, a lonely rainy day or a bungee jumping day. I'm enjoying all of it. I don't drink to get drunk, but have a beer with my friend. I make plans for future. I feel competent in driving my own life and happiness. Girls? I'm not planning on going MTGOW, but I don't need them for my happiness. It's funny, they want to stick around anyway.