I was debating this question last night with a friend. I had bumped into her at the market, and she commented on a mutual friend we had. One that I have a casual sexual relationship with.
She said, "you know Susan really likes you, you should stop being afraid to commit."
I didn't expect much more from this girl, since this feminist imperative has been a staple in our social diet since at least when I was born. But it made me wonder, because guys did used to value marriage and commitment. So I considered my options:
If I don't commit, I can have sex with whomever I please, including Susan.
If I do commit I can only have sex with Susan.
Evaluating these two statements, I'd argue not committing is in my best interest.
If I commit, I can potentially have children, maybe a family.
If I do not commit, I might still accidentally have children and be responsible for them, but I won't have a family unit.
I considered these two statements, then realized the first statement was missing something:
If I commit, I can potentially have children, maybe a family, until she determines she can leave, then I have the financial responsibility but no family.
When you consider both, it seems like having kids is a crapshoot- it works or doesn't, but commitment seems to have very little baring on the outcome.
So considering that a commitment like marriage is incredibly risky and a financial risk to boot, it would make sense that the risk involved with a marriage completely outweighs the benefit- which in itself isn't terribly different than the benefits of avoiding marriage altogether. Whereas the benefit to avoiding marriage is clearly measurable and involves little risk due to the volatile nature of marriage in the first place.
Is marriage or monogamy beneficial in today's market? Or are these feminist imperatives constructed to ensure maximum benefit for women, secretly shaming men for wanting benefits of their own?
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