The trick to starting random conversations is to simply let people in to your interior monologue.
I NEVER think in terms of "starting conversations," but if you hung out with me for a day you would say "wow, that guy starts conversations with everyone he sees!"
It is because I am not trying to start conversations. Rather, I am simply aware that I am a good person, and a smart and social guy – and therefore I am entitled to enlighten other people with a thought or two from my interior monologue.
When I see a person walking a dog that I think is cute, there is no thinking "should I say something to this person?" because I am already telling them that their dog is cute.
When I see an attractive woman in the bookstore, there is no questioning to myself whether or not I should talk to her, because by that time I am already telling her not to buy that Dave Eggers book because Dave Eggers is a terrible writer and she will not benefit from her purchase.
I think genuine self-knowledge and self-awareness goes a long way towards achieving this state of Omni-Talkativeness. When I looked deep inside myself and searched my motives, I was a little surprised by the fact that inside, I am a genuinely good person who genuinely wants the best for people.
Society implants moral self-doubt within us. Society teaches us that "evil lurks in the hearts of men." That's why I was surprised when I looked deep inside myself and found... no evil. No malice. Only a desire to do good.
Society has lied to you – it has lied to you about who other people are, and it has lied to you about who you are. Chances are that you hold a few negative beliefs about yourself. Maybe you secretly believe that you're "selfish," or "bad."
But look within. Seriously, look. Do you want to kill anyone? Do you want to hurt anyone? Do you want to make anyone cry?
No? Well, then you are definitely not a bad person.
Keep looking within. Do you have a desire to help your friends achieve their dreams and live dope lives? Do you have a desire to give sexual pleasure to women you are attracted to? Do you have a desire to become the best version of yourself, and to help your fellow man become the best version of himself?
If you answered "Yes" to these questions, then I've got news for you, motherfucker: You're a good person. Not only that, you are a fucking insanely good person. Most people never ask themselves these questions, so they spend their whole lives wondering if they are a good person or not. But if you go inside and ask yourself these questions, you just might realize that you know you are a good person. And once you've got that level of self-knowledge, no one can take it away from you.
If a person assumes I have ill intent, I am not upset: they are simply wrong. I do not have ill intent. Because I have looked inside myself and realized that actually I have only good intent.
With that knowledge embedded deep within my "frame," there is no part of me that "hesitates" before talking to someone. Since I know on the deepest level that I am a genuinely good guy who wants the best for people, there is no reason to even THINK of THE CONCEPT of asking myself if I should interact with someone – because by that time, I am already interacting.
When you have this kind of positive self-image on a moral level, talking to other people is the easiest shit ever. Your confidence is absolute, because you are simply aware that there are only two possible outcomes to each interaction, both of which are positive:
- You have a fun chat and never talk to the person again.
- You have a fun chat and wind up developing a relationship with the person and getting the opportunity to make their lives more awesome.
There is simply no negative scenario that can occur.
TBH bros, I think that talking about "avoiding approach anxiety" is completely missing the point. That's like trying to put a band-aid on top of a cancerous tumor (the tumor = the subconscious belief that you do not deserve to talk to people, which stems from the subconscious desire to TAKE something from people instead of GIVE them something).
You must travel deep inside yourself and flip an invisible switch.
You are a person who engages in interactions. The reason you are not "social" is this: In your interactions, you have been focused on how you can benefit from the interactions you engage in.
Here is the switch you must flip: To become "social," you must stop thinking in terms of taking and start thinking in terms of giving. You must start thinking in terms of how the other person can benefit from interacting with you. (Trust me, that's the only thing they're thinking about anyway. Once you're thinking about that too, then you're both on the same page.)
The only questions you should be asking yourself: What do I have to offer this person? What do I have to give? (Friendship? Good cheer? The D?) How can I make their lives more awesome?
When you meet women, often the answer to these questions is obvious: the most effective way you can make their lives more awesome is to give them the D that they thirst for so passionately. When you meet men, the answer is often less obvious – sometimes you can give them knowledge, sometimes you can teach them a skill, other times you can just give them the gift of a few light-hearted observations on whatever is happening.
For me, attaining the state of Omni-Talkativeness is a moral journey that is 100% internal.