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AWALT: My unicorn betrayed me (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

I'll update this when I get a chance, but for now, I'm just venting.

My wonderful unicorn of 8 years fucked a guy she met at a bar. I thought our relationship was fine. I had our entire life planned out. I was going to finish medical school and provide for her and our daughter.

Apparently this wasn't enough for her. She decided to fuck some guy she met at a bar while out with friends.

She came clean just now and I immediately explained that we are done. The thing that amazes me is that she didn't consider the consequences whatsoever. She didn't consider how her actions would affect our 2.5 year old daughter. She didn't think about how she's going to survive without me as a provider. She expects me to let her use my car to get to work and for me to be okay with my child not being home. She also expects to stay in my fucking house.

TL;DR: AWALT. Don't get married.


[–]geeoftee 208 points209 points  (19 children)

Im a lurker who joined this sub just so I could talk to you. Ive been in a similar position (married sans kids).

You are in the best position for a divorce because medical students and residents dont earn shit and she wont be able to claim any of the real serious money when you're an attending. Heres what you do:

A) Consult a divorce lawyer YESTERDAY. Maybe consult 2 to 3 at most but dont consult everyone as thats a good way of getting thrown out of court.

B) Maintain good relations with ex wife in the mean time. This is the biggest challenge of your life. Remain as stoic as you possibly can but always be assertive. Dont give her any hopes of reconciliation but also dont bitch her out. Tell her her actions are unacceptable and you will be filing for a divorce but dont cuss out or do anything silly. If you feel you are going to do something like that then go for a run/gym session/meditation/write it out in an anonymous website etc. DO NOT GET HER OFFSIDE. Treat it like how you would handle a hostile patient - all business. This can be really important for mediation later on (avoids lawyer fees and maybe gets you a better deal). Be sure to always reaffirm her guilt and do not accept any single point of guilt over her cheating. By being stoic and reinforcing her guilt you will come out looking like the good guy to all involved + it will drive her hamster into overdrive and make her more pliable and willing to conform to your demands/divorce settlements.

C) Make sure to record all finances and any interactions regarding such. Write out a diary of everything.

D) Get daughter out of her control. Do you have parents that can take care of her for a while? Take your daughter away for a while to grandparents etc. Give her the excuse that you need two need to settle these things and youd rather daughter be kept out of the immediate fallout zone.

E) When it comes to finances make sure to include your student debts into calculations. Some of my friends split assets but did not split debts like complete dumbasses.

F) DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. JUST DONT. PLEASE. One of my best friends from med school did this and then he ended up being cucked 2 years later. He didnt realise he was cucked until the kid turned 4 and looked completely different (two redhead aussies dont produce a middle-eastern/mediteranean kid).

[–]geeoftee 66 points67 points  (10 children)

My final point. DONT bottle this all up or keep things between yourselves. Tell relevant people (close family, friends etc) and tell them in a factual manner. Dont embellish things and dont drag her name through the trash. Just say she was unfaithful with some guy and that you are divorcing. Let the rest of the people call her out as the trash she is. DOnt engage in the circle jerk so that way you look like the good husband who got outdone by a whore wife. If you start bad mouthing her to everyone then you like a weak piece of shit. This way you can use your friends/family to help you keep a good image whilst keeping her down and you can control the narrative so that it doesnt flip in some way (she got *raped, or you were never there :'( etc). Things like public image and character witnesses can be relevant for your fight in the courts. Your mindset now should be to win in the courtbattle. Set goals for what you want out of this divorce (happy kid with you + financial separation with minimal damage) and look to achieve them. Everything else is secondary.

NEVER second guess yourself or look to "repair" the marriage. Once you get a shitstain on your couch, its there forever. Fluffing up the pillows and turning over the seat only minimises the external appearance but its STILL THERE.

[–]Limekill 46 points47 points  (8 children)

Tell people the reason why. Do not embellish it. With people looking at her hopefully she will have to look honourable.

Bitches be fucking crazy - they throw away everything for nothing.

Try and get a binding financial agreement asap (being broke and her in the wrong is the VERY BEST time to do this).(Note: assumes your not in the US).

Also if she thinks she is going to get a big pay day from you being a MD, tell her your thinking about quitting "as there is no point now".

Stay strong.

[–]Osoto_Gari 22 points23 points  (1 child)

, tell her your thinking about quitting "as there is no point now”.

Damn - That’s gold. Maybe take a year off “to find yourself"? I dunno how that’d work out for you

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Divorce is public. A judge and lawyers for each team. My ex was never as reasonable or level headed. I came out pretty well.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Also if she thinks she is going to get a big pay day from you being a MD, tell her your thinking about quitting "as there is no point now".

This is genius OP - go this route and try to avoid contact with her. You will want to still see your daughter but when you go make sure you don't dress too nice or roll up in a 80,000 dollar car. Be vague about your job, don't tell her when you finish med school or get a job as a doc. If she finds out you are a doctor and making bank, she will suck more of your resources away for "child support"

[–]geeoftee 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Also when you are logging evidence, make sure theres witnesses or proof of something. Get her to text whatever she wants to say to you. If she calls, make sure someone is in the room with you -> write down what was said/agreed upon in the convo -> then get your witness to sign and date that they saw this happen. Write down anything and everything. You give this to the lawyer and let them work out what can be used and where. No evidence = no argument and in a he-said/she-said case you lose because youll be painted as the 60hour+ week guy who cant provide time for the family while she's the unemployed single mum with lots of love to spare >.>. Have character witnesses in mind. Good luck

[–]madscientist970 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Yes. There is a reason that businesses require good / contemporaneous documentation practices. Auditing happens. Document everything. In some states taping phone calls without knowledge / consent is a no-no. In some states only one party needs to know, which can be you. Find out what the rule is in your state. If allowed, tape the phone calls.

[–]munky82 9 points10 points  (1 child)

There are great apps out there that automatically records calls. The best I've used on Android is Tweaksbox, an xPosed module for rooted phones. If you don't live in a single party jurisdiction, do like the call centres do: say in the beginning of the conversation: "Note my phone automatically records all my calls" if the other party continues then you have consent. If they ask you to switch it off then say that they can message you or email you. You are forcing records here. Always conduct yourself well, because you are on record. If she ask to meet say you are busy, typing an email would be best. Forcing a record prevents problems.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

any

can she take half his debt during the divorce?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Outstanding advice.

Kids do better with parents who are divorced but civil than they do when the parents who stay together but are in conflict. Don't fight with her. It's like a code white - be respectful, but assertive, decisive, and logical.

Realistically you're probably going to end up with 2-3 weekends a month with the kids because of custody arrangements and your call schedule. It will be very difficult to stay composed when that issue comes up, but it is absolutely necessary to do so.

[–]ithrax 214 points214 points [recovered]

I'm just astounded that at the lack of forethought. She knew with 100% certainty that I would divorce her in an instant if she cheated. She knew I was willing to provide for her and our child if she kept up her end of the bargain.

Now what the fuck is she going to do with her life? She has no job skills, zero ambition, and she's rapidly approaching the wall.

The mind of a woman is a bizarre thing.

I'll pull through this and continue with my life. I just feel horrible for my daughter. Having divorced parents is fucking hard for a child to comprehend. I love my daughter with all of my heart. I don't want to be away from her.

[–][deleted] 333 points334 points  (38 children)

I shouldn't have to say this, but get a DNA test.

This might seem inconceivable, but this may not be the first time she's cheated on you.

AWALT

[–]The_BeardedGentleman 34 points35 points  (0 children)

This OP. You can do this privately by mail. No need to involve the bitch. Just send off some Dna swabs and you're good.

[–]evileddy 123 points124 points  (0 children)

OP you need to do this ASAP

[–][deleted] 117 points118 points  (4 children)

Oh shit this nigga spitin the truth

[–]eREKTi0n 20 points21 points  (0 children)

God honest truth. If she'll do this publicly, imagine what she's capable of when left to her own devices.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 30 points31 points  (11 children)

8 years of marriage, 2.5 year old kid.

I hate to say it but he's a little late in getting the DNA test. Even with proof that the child is not biologically his he's been acting as 'daddy' for over 2 years and was married when the kid came out so that's landing him firmly in the 'assumed father' role because the court is certainly going to be using all this information when dishing out Vaginamony (alimony + child support) to his soon to be ex-wife.

TANSTAAU - There Ain't No Such Thing As A Unicorn

[–]InformalCriticism 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Unfortunately, this is the mentality of the justice system across the United States. If you act like dad, you're going to get fucked like dad.

[–]Magnum256[🍰] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Which is completely fucked up. If you KNOW the kid isn't yours and you assume a parental role from the beginning that's one thing and I could fairly see a court placing responsibility on you, but if you were deceived the entire time there should be no legal obligation.

Basically the law promotes dishonest women to keep up the charade just so they have a legal advantage, it's disgusting.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

You are no lawyer so don't pretend to be.

The laws vary from state to state and country to country.

But yes, he should have gotten one the day the kid was born.

AWALT

[–]markb4587 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a lawyer, and his post is pretty dead on in the U.S.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps in different countries -- but in the U.S., it's that way everywhere: accepting the role of father does in fact, put you on the hook -- even if you prove you're not the biological father.

[–]JanLul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In my country you have to act almost immediately once you find out. You need to legally deny your fatherhood (visit a lawyer). If you decide to wait it out and whilst you actually know that the child isn't yours, you're absolutely fucked.

[–]SilentForTooLong 86 points87 points  (15 children)

What is she going to do?... Put on a short skirt, a tight top, some high heels, go outside...and within a month (maybe less?) have some random guy with more money than you paying for her entire life.

lol

Why do you think women don't care about "consequences"? It's not because they are idiots, it's because consequences apply to men, not women.

Also, if you're married, you will be paying for her life forever now, while getting nothing in return. So there are less than zero consequences, she will be actively rewarded for her actions. So idk what you are talking about really?

[–]1favours_of_the_moon 20 points21 points  (5 children)

Why do you think women don't care about "consequences"? It's not because they are idiots, it's because consequences apply to men, not women.

Oftentimes it's like a bitch is "shit testing" fate itself. Because like Caligula, she just KNOWS she can get away with anything.

[–]SilentForTooLong 18 points19 points  (4 children)

You would do the same shit.

Being fortunate enough to be born female must be crazy in some ways. You are told there is a world out there with rules, and consequences... but every time you do anything to test to see if any of them are real, you find they are not. So it's no different than being born with super powers. You would just always test them to be sure you aren't dreaming I imagine.

The women that don't just shit test but simply demand things, are just the ones that realized they aren't dreaming, they really can have whatever they want.

[–]bluedrygrass 5 points6 points  (3 children)

You would do the same shit.

If you had a female brain, yes. Many men would never crawl that low, if you could implant a male brain in a female body.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What about transgender MtF? I am half convinced the reason we have seen a massive boon in transgender MtF's is because some men realize that women get preferential treatment and as boys are taught from a young age that girls are special but boys are gross. Thus you have a self hating weaker male who has been taught to despise masculinity and sees the benefits females get and decides to become a female. Also, transgender MtFs are typically worse than regular women in terms of behavior and demanding things. They straight up do not give a shit and expect to be treated like a regular female or in some cases better due to their special "status".

[–]Info_red 4 points5 points  (6 children)

The shitty part is that this is the most likely outcome. Some beta bitch is gonna give this whore the world. They always have a safety net in this gynocentric atmosphere. I feel for you because I have experienced awalt, as much of TRP has. Women perfectly know what they are doing, hypergamy may be an unconscious response to stimulation but it takes a woman worthwhile to resist most of these urges to be considered for an ltr. There are no unicorns but there are women that are better than others.

[–]SilentForTooLong 8 points9 points  (4 children)

What do the better women look like? What incentives does a woman have to be better that would ever make one of them better?

[–]1aguy01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. That's the knife in the back. This guy's life is now FUCKED by having to PAY this bitch to fuck OTHER men - which she will, with reckless abandon - while the daughter is inevitably neglected; the only hope one can have is that the neglect is not extreme.

[–]Username-_-2015 90 points91 points  (19 children)

"Now what the fuck is she going to do with her life? She has no job skills, zero ambition, and she's rapidly approaching the wall"

Oh! I think she knew what she was doing let's be honest women are not that dumb! I think she came to the conclusion that she probably didn't really like you or did not want to spend her entire life with you. If you analyze the situation and you think about it, what she did is borderline genius. She doesn't have a job or zero job skills thats okay her future ex baby daddy is going to med school, she will be rolling in dat future alimony pay check, and for now the government aka "the us citizen"can help pay for her child, while ex beta bucks is finishing school and getting a job. If you think about it, it looks extremly calculated to me! On the other hand. What little regards she had for her daughter, thats something thats fucked up beyond comprehension. Think about it though, LAWYER THE FUCK UP!

[–]vacationlife- 57 points58 points  (3 children)

"Now what the fuck is she going to do with her life? She has no job skills, zero ambition, and she's rapidly approaching the wall"

the scarier part that OP and you guys aren't realizing is that she's not stupid. She will figure this out too now, that she loses her car, her place to live, and her future. She's not just going to take it lying down.

She will try to fuck op over as much as possible now, and if she can't do that, she will take it out on him through the daughter.

this is why you don't get married at all, especially not in fucking college. but nobody listens until it's too late.

[–]nerfedpanda 17 points18 points  (2 children)

OP I would lawyer up ASAP. Don't let this bitch get any of your future hard earned pay checks

[–]CrazyLeprechaun 13 points14 points  (6 children)

If I am not mistaken alimony is calculated based on the income of both parties at the time of divorce. If OP just graduated medical school he probably isn't making the big bucks yet. If she had managed to maintain self-control for another 12 months to two years, this would have worked.

[–]CR7_Bale_Lovechild 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Not necessarily true. In a lot of states if the bread winner starts to earn more money later in life, the non breadwinner can request an increase in child support/alimony. And they always do because awalt

[–]rpkarma 11 points12 points  (3 children)

If the whole alimony thing is for keeping "my lifestyle that I'm accustomed to" how the fuck does someone earning more money years later figure into that? Ugh the laws to do with marriage are beyond fucked up. Second set of books, everyone.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's child support that can change, Isn't alimony fixed at time of ruling?

[–]antihostile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Listen to this man. It's already probably too late.

[–]Enkise 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You have my sincerest sympathies, best of luck in moving forward, your strength as an individual is evident from your actions and words, continue on and DO NOT let this bring you down.

[–]FATTIES_ARENT_HUMANS 20 points21 points  (3 children)

hey if it makes you feel better, I know from experience that it is a lot harder to see your parents getting divorced when you're older but not yet old enough to know what's going on. as naive as this sounds, and I know it's a bit simplified, but at least your daughter won't really know what's going on and hopefully won't know the difference when she's older.

I'm speculating (from my armchair) that perhaps your woman knew what she was doing. I mean this as in there wasn't a lack of foresight, but a lack of respect towards you the moment she decided to cheat. Perhaps "it's not her fault", or it was a giant shit test that backfired in her face. But no matter which way you cut it, AWALT

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

This insight is worth some attention. If she knew OP was not to be fucked with, perhaps she just wanted to leave anyway. Remember, initiating a divorce requires decision making, conviction, and possibly being the 'bad guy'.

All the expert diplomats know how to instigate 'fear biting' - much easier to fuck a stranger and get a man to do the dirty work of ending things. As for the daughters well being, it probably doesn't stack up to getting some alpha peepee.

Although it's mostly unconcious on their part, women have the capacity to think like this as the norm; to engineer situations that give them plausible deniability, whilst they get everything else that they want - at any cost.

[–]Shanguerrilla 4 points5 points  (1 child)

it probably doesn't stack up to getting some alpha peepee.

peepee... am, am I doing it wrong guys?

[–]1favours_of_the_moon 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Now what the fuck is she going to do with her life? She has no job skills, zero ambition, and she's rapidly approaching the wall.

Probly spread her legs for some other guy?

[–][deleted] 8 points8 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Pubesauce 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I had the same things happen to me when I dated people at or above my SMV. Just generally being taken for granted and treated like a chore. I got to the point where I felt I couldn't raise my SMV any higher (had a good job, was in great shape, etc) and the women I was usually attracted to just never returned the affection or appreciation I showed to them.

I lowered my standards and ended up with women who I might not have been as attracted to, but who actually showed appreciation towards me. And I could be comfortable with them. I wasn't always guarding against mate poachers or second guessing my SMV. I could relax. When I was college age I was willing to put up with the antics of high maintenance women in return for having an attractive girlfriend. It's just not worth it anymore.

My current girlfriend has supported me for the last 3 years through going back to school to finish my BS and unemployment. When I supported her for a year or so while she finished her degree I was sure Briffault's law was going to bite me in the ass. And if she was an HB9 with options at every turn, I'm sure she'd have been gone by now.

I think it's important to be realistic about what we can expect out of people - dating an 8/10 is going to come with higher standards and tougher conditions to be met than dating a 4/10. And realistically, many of us who aren't blessed with adonis genes are going to max out at a mediocre SMV and will have to choose between eternally struggling to acquire and retain a high SMV woman or setting our sights on a more secure long term bet with a lower SMV girl. Unicorns don't exist, but you have a lot more negotiating power when you lower your standards on physical attraction. Many TRP'ers might not see that as an option but I think a lot of relationship strife can be avoided by limiting the influence that your libido has in choosing a long term partner. There are just too many options for young women with a high SMV these days - you can't expect them to be faithful.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Sorry for your plans and your daughter man. Courage in everything from here onwards.

Mind of woman is fairly simple though, just very different to men's: it's all about feelz. She was out, having fun, got tingles from a strong man and the excitement of the forbidden fruit / danger. Hamster was not going to let something as void of feels as "future consequences" get in the way of the rush of dopamine.

[–]1aguy01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hamster was not going to let something as void of feels as "future consequences" get in the way of the rush of dopamine.

It depends on the woman and the man. If she knows her man is above her in SMV and there is a chance she can get caught, MOST (certainly not all) women will pass on the opportunity. Fear of losing a high SMV alpha is the only leverage a man has to keep a woman in line - that is dread game, and it definitely work.. but not when you're the beta provider.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A unicorn with no skills? Lol

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

don't be kind to your ex wife at all. AT ALL.

she chose this. the pain on your daughter is YOUR WIFE's FAULT. 100%. 100%. 100%.

[–]Vii117 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Your unicorn had no job skills and zero ambition? Glad to hear you want to stay apart of your daughter's life.

[–]ithrax 16 points17 points  (2 children)

My criteria for a mate may differ from yours. I wanted a house wife. She's not dumb... she just wanted to be a mom.

[–]Nothing_Gazes_Back 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well she's doing a GREAT job so far.

Sorry, man. That sucks and I wish you the best.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did you catch her or did she confess voluntarily?

[–]BannedBandit 1 point2 points  (11 children)

What makes you think she was a unicorn? Curious.

[–]ithrax 10 points10 points [recovered]

She's incredibly honest in every interaction, even when it is inconvenient or damaging.

She was raised in the south with several strong male influences in her life.

She wasn't a whore.

[–]Gyissan 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Looks like you were wrong about the whore part. Did you forget AWALT?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

yea why are you getting downvoted? I don't care how honest you think a chick is, that is their game to appear that way. AWALT means she can rationalize away any decision at a given moment.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The greatest players are those who pretend not to have or understand power. Important lesson to be taken from 48 laws - when someone is overtly honest to the point that it may not be beneficial for them to be so and professes not to play/understand social dynamics, these are typically the greatest players of the game of power who are in for the long con.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn straight man, The "soft" and "weak" facade of the female gender allows this deception of ignorance to play out to their favour most of the time. Even if she is not conscious of what she is doing, hypergamy doesn't give a fuck and still operates instinctualy regardless of conscious intent.

[–]collidoscope 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Did she tell you why she did it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  • Every woman is a whore.
  • Except my mother.
  • But she's still a woman.

[–]ithrax 71 points71 points [recovered]

Oh here's a gem from our conversation.

"I guess I'm not the great person I thought I was."

[–]DoNotEatTheTail 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Four "I's" in an 11-word sentence...that's impressive.

[–]lala_xyyz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can benchmark female solipsism by usage of the first-person pronoun.

[–]Steve_Wiener 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Wow, that's retarded.

OP, we want a follow up to this situation.

[–]notmyusualreddit 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I had a cheating ex say the same thing once. "I didn't want to admit I cheated because it was so scary to think I wasn't the good person I thought I was". They're fucking weirdos.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Cognitive dissonance towards her dissociation mechanics. It is fucking scary.

[–]Blacks_Matter_LOL 14 points15 points  (4 children)

What made her confess in the first place? Guilt?

[–]1London-Bananas 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Seems impossible. If a woman just out of the blue tells you she cheated there's a good reason for that. Probably the other guy told her something like "you tell him or I tell him." Either way this whole thing would have broken down if she hadn't told anyways. Women don't know guilt.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Oh Women know guilt... Guilt is a big part of feefees that women love. Sometimes those tingles come from feeling guilty about not having their boyfriend/husband around when she's taking cocks in orafices she never thought could take one... Then they get more tingles when they torpedo their relationship and tell the truth.

[–]JackRayner_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is true. I like pushing the limits of degrading language while having sex, and women in relationships gush when they're told that they're disgusting, unfaithful whores mid-fuck.

[–]GrnTiger08 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She just want's to make you feel sorry for her through manipulations. Don't fall for that shit.

[–]PowerValve 48 points49 points  (18 children)

You better get your ass down to the lawyer's office ASAP, go before she does. Explain everything and get the ball rolling.

[–]ithrax 64 points64 points [recovered]

I'm going to consult with all of the top divorce attorneys in town.

I'm done with the woman, but I feel horrible for my daughter. I never imagined raising her outside of a traditional nuclear family.

Mind...blown... fucking women.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (7 children)

Do they offer shared equal custody where you live? If you can't get majority custody then that is a good second option.

Remember Briffault's Law here. Your ex still thinks of you as a potential resource and a future one. So, when you talk to her, without being explicit, keep the future open in a vague sort of way, but also make it clear that she needs to do right by you now so you can both move forward. "If there's any chance of future reconciliation then you need to do right by me now and advocate for equal custody," kind of thing.

If you make it clear you hate her and will never go back or if you show any kind of weakness or desire for her then she will turn on you and make you miserable. You have to make her want to make the divorce easy and give you custody and the way to do that is to make her feel like it's in her interests because that's the primary things she's really concerned about.

Sorry about your luck. Never get married (again).

[–]bigmfkr 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Loved the "possible future reconciliation". Sooo Machiavellian.

[–]munky82 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It is like the divorce version of Leykis's Hail Mary: http://www.returnofkings.com/16089/how-to-convince-a-girl-to-get-an-abortion

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep... throw that Hail Mary. At this point OP has nothing to lose.

[–]-Universe- 6 points7 points  (3 children)

keep the future open in a vague sort of way, but also make it clear that she needs to do right by you now so you can both move forward. "If there's any chance of future reconciliation then you need to do right by me now and advocate for equal custody," kind of thing.

If you make it clear you hate her and will never go back or if you show any kind of weakness or desire for her then she will turn on you and make you miserable. You have to make her want to make the divorce easy and give you custody and the way to do that is to make her feel like it's in her interests because that's the primary things she's really concerned about.

That's brilliant. Are you a woman? ;)

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

No.

I'm not a car either, but I know how they work.

[–]ITranscendRaceHombre 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So sorry, man. Thank you for sharing your story so that others can learn to consider the high price and incredible risk of marriage 2.0 for men today.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tell her you would consider marriage counseling and you were just really hurt and that perhaps you were at fault a little for not communicating better.

Put that cunt on the back foot whilst you rally the legions, you cannot afford to let her harden off against you, the system is rigged in her favour. Broadside her. When she asks about the counseling, say what counseling?

[–]denmaur 2 points3 points  (3 children)

If it's any consolation I felt the same way about my son when I divorced. He was 7 at the time and is now eleven. I was so worried that the divorce would screw him up psychologically. The Children's Hospital where I live has a class for divorced parents of young children so I took that and a few others. My son and I now have a fantastic relationship, and he's much happier now that he doesn't have to hear his parents fight all the time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to remember that your daughter is your top priority and continue to treat her that way. You may not get to spend as much time together as you'd prefer, but make the time you have with her special. She'll always remember that.

[–][deleted] 223 points224 points  (22 children)

Future plans are never enough for women. Briffault's law is that your current circumstances, not future or past, determine the relationship. Sorry that happened. On the bright side, if she's the provider right now then you don't get divorce raped. Make sure you stay in your daughter's life though. Little girls need an alpha to lead them. Up through her teenage years, it's gotta be you. Don't let your ex wife turn her into a whore.

[–]skolrageous 139 points140 points  (12 children)

Make sure you stay in your daughter's life though. Little girls need an alpha to lead them. Up through her teenage years, it's gotta be you. Don't let your ex wife turn her into a whore.

Most important point made here.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (9 children)

Here here! I second this. Made this mistake. My daughter is 19 and has sent me all of 3 text messages in the last 6 months.

[–]reigorius 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Depressing as fuck. Hang in there mate.

[–]jolly--roger 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Here here!

It's Hear, hear! (as in 'hear him')

[–]metalhead4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn man. My sister lived with my dad in her high school years which I think was beneficial for her. He was always the boss. And they get along great and it made her get along great with our mom too.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children)

This one hits home with my sister. Me and my Dad haven't heard from my sister in over a year, living in the same city for half of it.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Perhaps she doesn't come around because she can sense you're a creep. I don't know you and I can sense it through the screen.

[–]One_friendship_plz 23 points24 points  (2 children)

My mom isn't even a whore, she had 2 partners in her life. (Dad ended up in jail for 10+ years, what is she going to do.) Married at 18 and gave him the best years of her life.

My sister still ended up a whore with children from different fathers, always partying and can't afford rent.

I'm not sure what the fuck a woman's role is anymore. Why does a man have to do literally everything except child-birth?

[–]iReign_x 10 points10 points [recovered]

Something similar would have occurred if it were the other way around; TRP says a good family needs both masculinity and femininity (male and female, usually), something no one person can provide.

[–]mostly_at_work 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What are RP thoughts on raising a daughter the "right way"?

[–]ithrax 62 points62 points [recovered]

Alright so here an update.

I spoke with the she-devil to try to gauge her mental state and potential plans.

I floated the idea of counseling to gauge her interest in continuing the relationship. She stated that she needs to be independent. Great, so she wants to hop on the CC until she hits the wall. Good for her.

She wants us to remain civil for our daughter's sake. Cool, I can do that.

I definitely made a mistake by letting her go out with her friends that night. I should have realized that it was a bad idea to let her go out with someone who just broke up with the father or her children. Bad influences and all that.

She told me that her friends told her they're surprised we lasted this long. Haha... yeah, okay. Sorry your relationships sucked. There's a reason we were relatively happy for so many years. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that she wasn't in contact with cancerous mother fuckers like you. Anyways...

She wants to split custody and she says she doesn't want child support. Yeah, okay... I believe you. /s

I managed to obtain audio and text of her admitting to infidelity.

I managed to secure the money necessary to retain a divorce attorney. My soon to be ex wife will not be able to get enough money to do the same.

I'm most likely going to file for an at-fault divorce in order to protect myself as much as possible. (Unless the attorney recommends something else, although my research leads me to believe at-fault will benefit me the most)

I told her we need to immediately limit contact and that she needs to find a place to stay. She can't fucking stay here.

She also needs to find her own transportation. I agreed to help in the meantime.

I can tell she feels bad about cheating, but she'll feel even worse when she realizes exactly how badly she fucked up.

I'm starting to feel a little better. I have a plan and I'm going to stick to it.

I'm taking my daughter to the park and to a friend's house to watch fireworks tomorrow. The whore is going to go to her friend's house and probably blow some random dude for all I know. Whatever.

Thanks for the encouraging and informational posts. Fuck the trolls and autistic teenagers.

[–]life_is_amazing100 25 points26 points  (0 children)

"I definitely made a mistake by letting her go out with her friends that night." Believe it or not its not your fault for letting her go out with her friends. If she wanted to cheat there's nothing you can do about it, if it wasn't at the bar with her friends it would've just been somewhere else with someone else. She doesn't feel bad about cheating she probably just feels bad now that she's realised that she's lost her provider and ride. Good on you though man glad to see your sticking with your plan!!!!

[–]coolrey3 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I floated the idea of counseling to gauge her interest in continuing the relationship. She stated that she needs to be independent.

aside from ^ good for you, stick to your plan and dont entertain the idea of going back. it might "work" but not for YOU

[–]ithrax 29 points29 points [recovered]

I wasn't seriously considering counseling, haha. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life pretending to love someone who doesn't respect me enough not to spread her legs for some random dude.

I just wanted to see if she was done with the relationship and get her to admit to cheating on tape.

[–]coolrey3 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In that case, you are one step ahead of the game my friend. Keep it up and wish you the best!

[–]Jaques_Fury 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Hypergamous instincts do not take future context into consideration.

In present context, you're a dude with no money. You could be Bill Gates in-the-making, but that doesn't mean shit because you're not Bill Gates right-the-fuck-now.

The most surprising thing about all of this? That she came clean to you and admitted some sort of guilt. Maybe she bought into that BP mantra shit:

"Oh he'll forgive you, because that's what real love is - otherwise he's an asshole who never loved you anyway."

If she hasn't started with that shit yet, get ready for it. It's pretty much their go-to standard for flipping guilt in a situation like this. Because after them cheating gets identified as a problem, they'll try to make out your unwillingness to forgive them as the greater problem.

Don't fall for it. She's the one who cheated, not you. She created the problem, now she gets to deal with the fallout. Good luck with the divorce, hope things get better soon.

[–]Redpillthriller 20 points21 points  (11 children)

"She didn't consider how her actions would affect our 2.5 year old daughter. She didn't think about how she's going to survive without me as a provider. "

She's got a provider for the next 15.5 years wether you like it or not.

[–]evileddy 14 points15 points  (9 children)

OP needs to get a paternity test on the daughter ASAP

[–]Redpillthriller 7 points8 points  (4 children)

It's too late. 2.5 years, he's already "assumed" the father role.

[–]JanLul 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These laws differ in the USA and especially differ over the rest of the world. He needs to listen to his lawyer, not you.

[–]TheThingsIThink 4 points4 points [recovered]

I'm guessing she is not a serial hoe. A serial hoe would only have told if she was worried about it being revealed.

No guarantee, but this was probably a single hoe event.

[–]ithrax 17 points17 points [recovered]

I'm realizing my mistake clearly now. I expected my wife to be able to forego impulsive decisions and to rationally analyze our situation.

I've never trusted women. I've known that they are soul crushing succubi with limited capacity for rational thought.

Wife: "My husband is always busy... I'm so fucking sad, boohoo."

How I imagined my wife's thoughts: "Man, my husband works really hard. He sure loves his family. Sure, he's distant at times due to his schedule, but it's going to be better in the future. School isn't forever, but marriage definitely is."

Fuck

[–]jvosh1 14 points15 points  (3 children)

What more can we say but AWALT.

I've been lurking around these forms for some time, and after reading all these divorce/cheating stories, nothing really surprises me any more.

I now know more people that are divorced or in horrible marriages (usually kids are involved) than people that have kids and are happily married.

Women will tell you stories on how marriage is hard and work, then go off fuck another dude or steal half your shit.

Luckily I've avoided all this bs, but too many good men around me are going through it.

[–]Saiserit 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Seriously, if half of marraiges end in divorce, and a portion involve infidelity, another portion lack good sex, another portion lack money - Look at the odd's. Look at the corpses. They are stacked harder and higher than ever before in history.

[–]Oversia 27 points27 points [recovered]

Time to cut all contact. Give all of her stuff back. Kick her out of the house. And not help her or provide for her in any way at any time for any reason. Also get a good lawyer to get custody.

Its best to look at this as a start of a new better life for yourself and your kid. You were fine before her. You will be fine afterwards.

Don't fall for the water works. Or appeals to sympathy. If you think of taking her back remember how she had sex with this dude and enjoyed every moment of it.

[–]ithrax 23 points23 points [recovered]

I want to... but I don't know what to do about my daughter. I can't imagine her being outside of my home.

Fuck this sucks. My soon-to-be-ex has a number of flaws, but I never expected disloyalty to be one of those. I was 100% loyal throughout the years. I never expected her to throw it all away over something so stupid.

[–]f3yleaf 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah she is your daughters mother, make your daughter your top priority, its best for her if her mom and dad dont hate each other too much. Be practical and do what you got to do.

[–]Saiserit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Was in the same exact situation after 6 years. Thought loyalty was the ONE thing I could count on. Turned out she was stupid, lazy, AND unloyal. It's a common scientific mistake to let flaws highlight perfections. Sometimes people have no redeeming qualities, sometimes people have mostly redeeming qualities. The absolute most difficult thing I've had to come to terms with is the fact that my ex is just a fucking loser and not capable of any sort of ambition towards a good life. I'd ask why over and over and over again but its just like asking a obese person, "why the chips and soda?" AWALT, but they aren't all capable of planning in any constructive way (for better or for worse).

[–]RedditAccount321123 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Keep your daughter kick the wife out. Win win.

[–]PedroIsWatching 21 points22 points  (3 children)

If only it was that easy. As someone that had a fuck-up barely functional alcoholic mother and a responsible hard working father, courts will err on the mother's side 100% of the time. It took her having a car crash drunk with me and my siblings in the car to have us taken away from her.

[–]AureliusThunderkok 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Hmm...I feel for you OP. No decisions or statements of intent to your (ex) wife until you obtain legal advice (note: am lawyer). Try and maintain civility with her. Your best chance at shared custody is through negotiation. You can not afford a protracted legal battle. I can understand you not wanting her back but she will always be your daughter's mother. There are some factors in your favor: your intelligence (use it to find solutions), the moral high ground (along with the guilt she is experiencing) and demonstrated reliability (many spouses would have lost their shit and lashed out verbally and physically). Judges like loyalty and reliability. Keep it together OP. Good luck.

Edit: I see others have suggested that you demand a paternity test. Do NOT do that prior to receiving legal advice. Few things will inflame a woman more than suggesting she lied to you about your status as father of your children. Further, it will derail negotiations for interim custodial rights and could harm your prospects in court on this issue. Tread carefully with this idea.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He can do it surreptitiously

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Tears are a woman's weapon.

They will bring them out on command. It's almost as if they believe they are real tears, but if you catch her off guard she'll drop the crying and lash out in anger as the next phase.

I should say, "emotions are a woman's weapon" because that is more true generally, but tears are a specific weapon they like to use.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Tears are a woman's weapon

Jokes on her, I like watching hot women cry

[–]StrokeGameHusky 3 points4 points  (2 children)

After being with one chick who was extremely emotionally manipulative, watching them cry is laughable, like watching a child who wants a candy bar at the supermarket cry

[–]jdgalt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Good ideas if he can do them, but getting out of child support is unlikely. And if the ex-wife thinks of it, she can almost certainly keep the house just by accusing him of threatening violence.

[–]LionLaw 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It really sucks when your girl cheats on you, but fuck, cheating when you are married AND have a child together?
I'm sorry to hear OP, I wish you and your daughter the best.
Try to be as involved in her life as possible, she needs a good parental figure and god knows some cheating bitch isn't the best role model

[–]Gamezob 11 points12 points  (20 children)

I'm curious: How did you find out and why did she own up to it?

[–]ithrax 35 points35 points [recovered]

She confessed. She said she hasn't been happy for a while and she was just drawn in by the attention.

Well no shit I haven't been super attentive. I've been working my fucking ass off for 4 years taking care of you, maintaining my 4.0 throughout undergrad, watching our daughter, volunteering at a local hospital and hospice center, etc.

I've been doing the work of 3 fucking people for 4 years. Forgive me for being fucking tired and inattentive whilst trying to provide for you and build a future for our daughter.

Awesome.

Edit: she confessed because, despite everything, she has always been an honest person. This was one of her most endearing, yet frustrating qualities.

[–]Gamezob 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Dude, that's harsh. I feel for you bro. After you're done blowing off some steam and calming down, you should listen to some of the good advice in this thread.

[–]juliusstreicher 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yep...her honesty at being frustrated in her marriage is probably what endeared her to the guy she sucked off from the bar.

Sorry about your pain, bro. Some great guys end up with slut wives. Please get to that lawyer! Also, I know that you love the daughter, but, truly, get a DNA test. Tell the lawyer the results. Follow lawyer's lead.

Best wishes.

[–]Joshua_Naterman 3 points4 points  (5 children)

tldr: I'm not trying to be an ass or put you down, or say I'm better or any of that shit. Your situation sucks and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Unfortunately you did not uphold your implicit part of the relationship, which is to keep your woman engaged and emotionally satisfied. That wasn't on purpose, but it happened. You'll have to learn how to not let that happen ever again for future relationships.


I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think it's worth taking a moment to learn how to do your part in preventing such things in the future. You did have a role to play in this, it's not just her. Your job was to make sure she felt how she wanted to feel, and hers was to make sure you knew how she wanted to feel, and both of you also had the responsibility to make sure that you both felt comfortable expressing all of that without guilt or shame. You both failed in much of that, most likely not on purpose but you both failed nevertheless. You can't ignore that and expect to have good results in the future.

Life lesson: Nothing is a good excuse for inattentiveness, however worthy the endeavor. You have to make each other feel wanted and important on a regular basis, regardless of what else is going on or required, or your relationship will not last. Those feelings are based on perception, NOT reality. Reality was that you were trying to do everything to have a good life, but perception was that med school was a priority over your relationship, and she felt abandoned/disconnected. That doesn't excuse bad behavior, but you can't expect people to not be people. In general, we all like and want attention. If we aren't getting it one place, we'll get it another. We all have to realize that and accept it... we do it, and so do women, it's normal and a part of being alive and sexually competent.

I'm in med school now. It's worth having a lower GPA to have a better life balance. You can crush boards without always being med school first.

I went through this once years ago (two kids but not mine genetically, though they were like my own to me), did my part, and the woman didn't do hers, so I left. She had intense divorce issues from a guy who completely shat all over her, and understandably so, but that does not change the fact that her inability to move on from that was a dealbreaker. She cheated, we worked on getting back together, but she simply couldn't stop treating me poorly so I left. We're still friends, and she's a quality human being, but we'll never be more than that. It was worth the effort to try and to know for sure that it simply wasn't the right relationship.

I have a more suitable partner for me now, who does not have those issues, and we make sure we do what we need to to make each other feel the way we need to feel. On my end that involves extra time and effort doing things that may seem unimportant, like seeing a counselor for time management and prioritization even though I've been doing a good job of getting all that under control on my own, because those appointments represent something real and meaningful to her, and not taking that time would be a dealbreaker... and I respect that. I also choose to spend my weekends with her instead of studying, because we need that time. I like seeing her and I want us to work, so I'm not a medical student from friday afternoon to monday morning. We alternate weeks visiting each other. Does that affect my grades? Probably, but I don't care. I'm going to crush boards, get the research experience I need, get a residency slot that works for us, and that will be that.

Of course, I want to do family medicine and that's easier to get into. It also helps that she's an MD/MPH and knows exactly what's coming, and it helps that I've had enough time to do other things and had enough life experiences to really understand what people realistically need, and that has been a very important thing that has developed over the years. I know that we all have a breaking point, and that everyone's is different, and that includes me. I'm a sexual guy, I'm attractive and fairly socially adept, and I naturally talk to people, so there are always opportunities to cheat. It's part of my job to see her enough to make sure that doesn't happen. I'm pretty baseline wired to NOT do that, but I know better than to think that I'm somehow different enough from the rest of the men on the planet to make it impossible for me to fuck up. I can fuck up, for sure, so I just make sure not to. She can also fuck up, but I keep her engaged and feeling wanted and happy. That's a priority to me.

You can't go back and change the past, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for it, but you also can't afford to not learn that lesson.

We're going to be busy forever, that's never an excuse to not prioritize making sure our partner feels wanted and happy. Some of that is partner selection and some is communication + willingness to make sure that they are actually feeling like they want to feel.

I don't know how old you are. I'm the old man of my class at 33. We have a number of married couples, some have kids, and they all make damn sure to keep their spouses feeling good and wanted. It isn't easy, and every relationship is different, but know that the balance can be made and maintained. They all feel this is worthwhile to do. You may get a 230 instead of a 250 on boards, but that may be worth it.

This next bit isn't super red pill, but it is real life. You two may want to consider marriage counseling. You'd be surprised at how many people can put things back together and end up having a wonderful life together, even though it feels shitty for a while. You may not want to do that, and that's fine, but if this is actually an issue caused by what does sound like a legitimate lack of attention to basic human needs then you should at least consider figuring out whether she's just a mess of a woman that you didn't recognize or whether she's actually a pretty good woman that will be a great and faithful partner if you two learn to communicate better on what you each need and actually feel emotionally on an ongoing basis, figure out how to find the balance, and work on keeping that. A lot of that burden will be on you learning to re-prioritize how you spend your time, since you're going to be the one who has to sacrifice the time from career.development to maintain your relationship.

You are really going to have to do the bulk of that anyways if you expect any future relationships to last without incident anyhow, and if she really is the right partner for you then you two may want to consider trying to put things back together.

That can be tough, because your pride is likely at least partially shattered. You thought you knew her, but you didn't, and reconciling that is difficult for most people. I do think that it helps to understand that people simply do have needs that WILL be met one way or the other, and that you need to learn how hers need to be met, what that means for you in terms of your career options (as doctors we have quite a lot of those, and they include working 3 days a week to "just" make 90-120k) both short and long term, and whether you two can work together to actually have enough of what you both want to really be happy.

You may not be able to, but then you can walk away knowing for sure that it simply wasn't the right match for you.

Of course if it turns out that she was just running around with people for a while and that this may simply be a part of where she is currently at in life, you should probably just move on.

Kids always make these things difficult... your job there is to make sure your daughter gets as much good parenting from you as you can provide. You can't do much about what she ultimately decides to do with her life and her body, all you can do is make sure you give her as much of the love and guidance and freedom she needs to become a competent, self-respecting woman as you possibly can. That may also require you to make a lot of decisions about compromising your career goals to be able to be there for her to that degree.

No matter what direction you take, it's not going to feel good for a good long while. Do what you actually feel is RIGHT, not what is going to satisfy your ego in the short term.

[–]ithrax 6 points6 points [recovered]

Thank you for this post. I realize that I definitely played a part in her unhappiness, although that definitely does not excuse her actions.

I wish we would have had the opportunity to fix this before we got to where we are now. However, I absolutely will not try to fix it now. I will remain civil for the sake of our child but I can't stay with a person if there is no trust between us. I am a naturally unforgiving person. It's just who I am.

Your advice is definitely relevant for the future. I still see value in the nuclear family. I hope I'm able to make that happen one day.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It seems like women who appear to be unicorns are only that way when they're not with their friends.

[–]Sherlock--Holmes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Women compete for the biggest cock, metaphorically speaking.

[–]el_elegido 5 points5 points [recovered]

Briffault done told ya.

From your post, it almost sounds like she was setting herself up for the end result she knew you would provide.

I think the one huge thing to take away from this post, as an overall RP lesson, is that there truly is no such thing as a unicorn.

[–]widec 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I find it funny whenever I read a comment here that begins with "My unicorn..." It's just going to hurt 10 times as much for these guys once they find out the real truth.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah any girl smart enough to set herself up would have done it right at the end of med school. Not 4 years away from a degree. This guy has no income aside from student loans. His problem is that he is going to be ghost to his daughter through med school. He is going to need to pick a feild with decent hours.

I don't know shit, but from the outside looking in id say go dentist or anesthesia

[–][deleted] 18 points18 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]hernanulysses 13 points13 points [recovered]

What's the point now? My dream was to have a stereotypical american dream family in the suburbs. Stay at home wife that makes me bacon & eggs for breakfast and with 4 children. But after hearing stories like these makes me rethink about my dream more. Is AWALT always true? Starting to think marriage isn't worth it anymore.

Feel bad for you OP wish you the best.

[–]hebola4lyfe 7 points8 points  (1 child)

How many more stories like this do you need ?

Just how powerful is the blue pill you were given ?

Wake the fuck up ! This american dream was a scam from the beginning .

[–]The_BeardedGentleman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Marriage hasn't been worth it for a long time bud. Much longer than your life span, regardless of if you're 20 or 70. Awalt = All Women Are Like That. Will all women cheat? No. But they al have the capacity to climb the ladder by any means necessary.

[–]DoNotEatTheTail 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your dream doesn't exist and it never has.

[–]robbiedigital001 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't even see why any of that is something to aspire to? sounds like retirement to me

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Starting to think marriage isn't worth it anymore.

It's not. It's sad, because marriage used to be the bedrock of a stable society, but there you go. "Progressives", "leftists" and "liberals" have made sure to attack anything and everything traditional, regardless of what benefit it brings to society.

[–]pnw_diver 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aint no unicorns just the same dumb animal workin ya.

[–]newmeforever 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry man. And I really hope you figure things out with your daughter. Smile that it happened now and not even later.

AWALT

[–]1CowardlyPetrov 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I am sorry for you. I feel pain for you, like the phantom pain of a lost limb.

Are you married? What else is there to this story? How are you protecting yourself, your home, your money, and your daughter?

Don't let your emotions cloud you. Move with great haste to protect these things before your feckless AWALT destroys them.

[–]ithrax 11 points11 points [recovered]

We have been married for 5 years. I don't have much money since I've been a student for so long. I actually start med school soon, so I'll be jobless for the next 4 years.

I'm really just dumbfounded at the moment.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

We're all here for you. Don't worry.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly, all we can really do is pray that it gets better for this guy.

You really can't spit up the pill once it's down. I've tried.

[–]1CowardlyPetrov 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The best time to have a divorce is when you have nothing for her to take. What is she going to take, your student debt?

Seriously, put your student debt on her if you can. Fuck her. I swear to faithful to you until my death is not some joke of an oath. The pain you are feeling must be intense, but control yourself. Master yourself. Master your pain.

Don't forgive her. Don't give her time to turn this around on you. She has wronged you, and she will wrong you again if you let her.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Your daughter may not even be yours. Get that paternity test asap!

[–]PIGamer86 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Record everything. I can say with 99% surety that she will accuse you of domestic violence come divorce trial. The crocodile tears will flow and if you can't prove anything, she WILL get whatever she wants.

[–]Screenp2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You really dont give her enough credit. She's had this planned for sometime and you took the bait hook line and sinker.

The simple act of you initiating the divorce makes you the bad guy and her the victim. Now she can claim all kinds of stuff with abuse being the leading offense forcing you to take a defensive stance to prove you didnt do anything wrong. In that time she has the kid, the house and dont for a second think that because you're still in school your future assets are ok. She can take you back to court in a few years for more child support when you land that nice job.

This can go many ways and how you play your hand is cruicial.

Check out dads divorce for strategy

Good luck bro!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

"I'm married to man who is a lock to make us wealthy within 5 years and I won't have to work another day in my life. We have 2 year old child together. Let me fuck this loser I just met at the bar."

Your wife is a fucking idiot.

[–]Riddick_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Toss the whore, and make sure you keep your daughter.

Also in News: This is not the first time she fucked some random / strage. But this time you found out. What happened once, happened another 100 times.

[–]domoremath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This reminds me of the scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnboLhbWLdg from the movie Eyes Wide Shut.

Good thing this happened before you actually became a doctor.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Were there any clues man? Like she got super nice during certain months? And if she cheated once she most likely did it more than once depending on how long you were away. I always looked down upon dudes that were territorial, and have an eye on thier women all the time, but now I understand why that primate behavior exists, because it's still needed.

[–]thinkwalker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She acted selfishly and shortsightedly and caused misery to your entire family. Yet, because you created a child together you owe it to your daughter to accept at least one reality, which is that until she's at least 18 you and your spouse will interact quite frequently. Try not to let her errors of judgment bring you down to her level by creating more ill will and resentment and passive aggression between you two. Be the better person. Rise above it and you will rise everyone around you with you- at least that's the hope

[–]IronMeltsinmyHands 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah..... No. She had every idea what she was doing.

Also, she expects you to just give her things because pussypass

[–]beastofthefield 1 point2 points  (1 child)

She only confessed because she wants to leave you. As others have said, get a PATERNITY TEST and take into considerations she might have banged 100 guys other than you already.

[–]f3yleaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sucks bro :'( Im speechless.

[–]Trithen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first thing you need to do ASAP is work on finances along with a lawyer. God speed, OP.

[–]OneHungYoung 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Fuck her. Finish med school, complete residency, and make money she can only dream of.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stay busy from this moment on. An idle mind is dangerous in these situations.

[–]redarkane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this man. I'd buy you a drink if we were at a bar or something.

[–]Johndoesmith67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sorry bro. Record everything and get her off all accounts (checking, savings, loans, credit cards, 401ks)

[–]Saiserit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you bro. Especially the "whole life planned out" thing. Really, better sooner than later. I hope the culture heals the big wounds before you daughter has to make adult decisions.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading FR's like this make me more and more likely to get that vasectomy I've been considering.

[–]Temptationn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Going through something similar and the guy looks like a fukn caveman, I just don't get it haha

[–]oldbluebox 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Yo OP, was there any hint of this behavior from her at all? Like wtf is she doing at a bar solo anyway?

Really sorry for what happened man. Hoping you could provide some more background.

Good luck with things.

[–]ithrax 5 points5 points [recovered]

She wasn't solo. She went with friends. In hindsight, I should have objected.

Her friend recently broke up with her LTR and the resulting shit talk that ensued most likely made my wife feel like I was a piece of shit, unworthy of her loyalty.

[–]AdonisHera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's crazy Huh? You quickly learn man..

[–]1London-Bananas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Remember this OP: she isn't going to lose you as a provider. Married and a kid? That's free BB right there.

Or maybe you have some five figure debt you'd like to split in the divorce?

[–]moose_war 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see "happy" marriages sometimes and I can tell by how the woman talks to her husband if she will cheat or not some day.

If she treats him like the lovable goofball and mocks some aspect of him (his belly, his balding head, etc) or complains about him to other people in public "Ugh look at how dumb my husband is, he's so dumb!" she will cheat at the first chance she gets. If she speaks about him like she is proud to be married to him, if she brags about his accomplishments (in other words, she actually acts like she respects him) there is a better chance she won't cheat (but you never know). Guess which one I see and hear more often at parties and gatherings?

The thing is, she can turn on a dime. And if you're in a relationship right now and you are the "lovable goof" of a husband? The one she openly "jokes about" (doesn't respect) in public? She is ripe to cheat or she has made a "mistake" already.

[–]NiceKicksGabe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My take is, she DID think about what it'd do to your relationship and daughter, but she figured you wouldn't leave, so the best thing you can do is next her. Good job, OP.

[–]arkzist 1 point2 points  (5 children)

  1. Unicorns dont exist, no one is perfect.
  2. Most people who cheat do it because they where missing something from the relationship.
  3. Think of your kid first

[–]ithrax 4 points4 points [recovered]

She said I've been inattentive. No shit... I'm fucking exhausted and stressed. I'm doing the work of 3 people and it's killing me.

I thought she was understanding. Nope, she didn't tell me how she felt.

[–]BallisticTherapy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AWALT. Women are whores and incapable of love. Briffault's law, QED. There are no unicorns, only night mares. Any mask can be chipped away with the right hammer.

[–]Drenmar 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Please explain how she was a unicorn, there must've been red flags before.

[–]evilkenevil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There it is in the title: "Unicorn"

A Unicorn is a point of reference and exists as, well, an actual unicorn which means not at all. Readers take note. In my 50+ years one thing is certain: AWALT

[–]faded_jester 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Where are all the cheers for Chad Thundercock? I thought all this type of shit didn't matter because it was just amoral strategy? This is why I asserted a few weeks ago that part of being honorable was that you never need be involved in anything like this. Just because some jackass can get some married whore pussy doesn't make him "the man". It makes him a thirsty clown.

Integrity can't be bought, can't be sold, it is only earned through ones self worth. I get it that she could "just get it from some other man"....I know which man I prefer to be.....the one who laughed at that bimbo when she tried to put me in a shameful situation. Unless I guess you think what OP is going through is no big deal.

Food for thought.....

[–]C_D_O 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I thought all this type of shit didn't matter because it was just amoral strategy?

You seem to misunderstand

the strategy is amoral. Your actions and decisions are not.

If you read "The Prince" to get an insight into strategy and deception in the world of business/politics, it is amoral information. If you use that information to destroy someones life just because you don't like them, that would be immoral

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotta ask how long have you known about TRP prior to this.?

Stay strong man

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