TL;DR- This is a concise and updated guide on how to approach dating sites (with examples).
95% of the women I’ve "met with"/plated in the past couple months I’ve met on dating sites. I’m going to explain how.
A few months ago in an article entitled Local Sexy Single Women (LSSWs), I constructed a guideline which summarized an effective approach to handling dating sites within our feminine online social landscape. Here I will be updating that approach.
First, some key notes:
All women on dating sites are not primarily serious about meeting in-person. Women use dating sites purely for validation. It is your goal to pull them from this mindset and into your frame. Once this has occurred, the rest becomes easy.
Dicks don’t attract chicks. Women don’t want to see your dick. Women are aroused by the high SMV man attached to your dick. Don’t go waving your dick around unless it’s explicitly asked for. Don’t be that dick. Dicks are like pens. Everyone's got one, most people'll loan you one if you ask for it and unless it's super unique, nobody cares about it.
Approach LSSWs and dating sites like baking. You don’t begin baking a cake as soon as your starving and you don’t only bake one cake in case something goes wrong. Approach multiple women at once, only approach women you’d be excited to fuck and be ready to let them “bake” for at least a few days. Abundance mentality is a prerequisite to success.
Be attractive. I cannot stress this one enough. Take your shirt off and look at yourself in the mirror as objectively as possible. If an attractive woman would look odd standing beside you, she’ll feel the same way. Lift hard and feel confident in taking shirtless pictures of yourself before even attempting this guide. Insecurity always bleeds through.
Don’t hover. A lot of dating sites will inform you when you have a visitor. Don’t be that guy that visits her profile every hour. She will notice and it will put her off.
Be distant. I check dating sites roughly 3 times a day, even if my phone blows up (luckily I have a work phone and a play phone). That leaves a lot of messages unanswered for hours at a time. Distance creates intrigue, distance shows you’ve got a life, distance shows how unimportant she is to your daily life. This should be like baking a cake; you only take it out when it’s ready, so be patient and go read a book.
Insecurity always shows. If you’re uncomfortable being shirtless online, it’ll show. If you think the LSSW is out of your league, it’ll show. If you’re desperate to bang the next LSSW that messages you, it’ll show. Strong frame is also a prerequisite to this guide.
Be ready to drop out at any time. I don’t care how hot she was. I don’t care how well it was going. I don’t care how it seemed like a sure thing. Women and LSSWs are fickle, and remember that you are not real to them until you’re standing in front of them. They don’t feel the need to hamster or explain their actions to someone who doesn’t exist. So until you’re sitting in their living room sipping on whiskey and coke, don’t expect any compassion or mercy from them.
Avoid single mothers. Single mothers are dominant out of necessity; due to the lack of a father-figure in the relationship, the strong, stern frame must be developed by the mother in order to effectively discipline her children. As a result, single mothers typically come across as dominant, agressive and usually provide the greatest amount of "drama" and shit-tests. They're typically only on dating site in search of a replacement beta provider. It's not worth the effort.
Organization is key. Once you've become accustomed to this approach, you'll notice a stark increase in the amount of women you'll be in contact with. Organize them. In my contacts under "Name" I put there first name, the site I met them on, then the city or county they reside in. Melody POF Seattle or Gabby Tinder NYC. This'll help you keep track of who's who.
Don't start until you're ready. A strong frame, attractive figure and abundance mentality are REQUIRED prior to attempting this guide. If you don't have these 3 qualities yet or you feel that they could use improvement, handle that first. A lot of how you'll be judged as an alpha from here on will be based solely on perception and not necessarily the reality of your situation. Because of this, these qualities need to become second nature and aspects of yourself you don't have to think about. You need to know your frame is strong, know you're attractive and know you could move on if you had to.
Know what you want and only aim for that. I'm very attracted to women with long thin legs and a very slim frame OR thicker women with large breasts. The women who clearly show these traits in their pictures are the only ones I message. I say this because if you think they might have the traits you like but you're unsure, you open yourself to being catfished by an unattractive woman with good photography skills.
Don't be afraid of WonderTits™ one-word responses. If she's responding to you at all, she's interested to some degree and the guide still stands. This goes double for WonderTits™, who probably get 10x the messages compared to ordinary women.
Understand you opponent. Always think from the LSSW's perpective: they receive up to 50 messages a day, don't respond to most of them, but something about your profile picture and bios caught her attention. Find out what that something is and exploit it. Also, if you're noticing a point in the guide where a lot of LSSWs are dropping off, find out why and repair it.
Learn from your failures. I've dropped the ball countless times and so will you. Figure out what you said, how you said it and why you said whatever you said that lost her interest. Maybe you responded too soon? Maybe you came off as insecure or desperate? Remember, for this to work her perception of you is what matters. I'll be repeating this a lot.
Money doesn't matter. Don't talk on how much you make or flash around your wealth. She'll perceive it as compensation for something else or perceive you as a potential provider, both of which you don't want.
Turn off those pesky notifications. A watched pot never boils. If you see pending messages from POF, Tinder or OKC every time you check your phone, you're pretty likely to respond too soon. Go into your phone's settings and turn off those pesky notification pop-ups so pending messages can be addressed at your leisure.
PART 1- DATING SITES
As I’ve stated above, most LSSWs aren’t serious about meeting any of the guys they see online in-person. It’s like a game to them; the more men in their inbox, the more attractive they perceive themselves and the more confident they feel. You are not real to her until you are standing in front of her. The goal of this guide is to make that happen in as short a time span as possible while cutting out as much “shit-test”, “I have to get to know you first”, “I’m not that type of girl” BS as possible.
The goal of this section will be to get her number as effortlessly as possible ALL WHILE MAINTAINING YOUR FRAME. I stress this because getting a number is meaningless if the LSSW’s *perception of you is beta or a validation resource. Until you’re standing right in front of her, perception is all you have - false or otherwise. She must perceive you as alpha all the way through for this to succeed or else you’ll all fall on your ass in Part 2.*
--Building Your Profile--
1. Shirtless pics for days. Grow some balls, stand in front of a body mirror, take some shirtless pictures are throw them on your profile. I’ve got 4 on mine. Also, include some high SMV photos of you doing interesting things or visiting interesting places (bonus points if attractive women are in the pictures; women love to compete).
This will establish you as attractive, a woman’s first alpha prerequisite.
2. Write about how you’re the shit. Juxtapose the vain shirtless selfies with a bio that tells about all the amazing hobbies, interests and accomplishments that represent you. Go as in depth as you can. Be cocky. Describe your life as the best thing since sliced bread.
This extravagant regaling of your life will be contrasted nicely by your short and rare responses while chatting with the LSSWs, causing them to hamster into thinking maybe they’re not good enough for you. Why would this attractive, interesting, smart alpha want to spend time with a boring woman like me? And all this will come without you having to lift a finger.
This will establish you as higher value than her, a woman’s second alpha prerequisite.
NOTE: DO NOT talk about how much money you make, your high-paying corporate job, your nice car, your big house, etc. Only boast about YOU and things that can only be found within YOU. Otherwise, the LSSWs will immediate peg you as a potential high-SMV provider, the shit tests will get insane and same-night/short-term sex will be near impossible.
3. Send short messages and only to the hot ones. All I do to start any conversation via dating sites is send out “Hey” to every LSSW within a comfortable driving distance that I’d enjoy fucking. Nothing more. If the LSSW responds, she’s interested to some degree, whether it’s because she thinks you’re attractive, higher value or both. If she doesn’t respond, who gives a fuck? Move on.
Her first response will almost always be “Hey”, “Hi”, “Hello”, “Hey, how’re you”, etc. Follow it up with “What are you looking for” (no punctuation) or “What kind of guys do you like” (no punctuation, and I know this seems like you care what she has to say about it, but it’s more to get her talking).
*If she asks what I’m looking for, I say, “I’m just browsing meeting new people” or “I’m just browsing making new friends”. This helps her to avoid weeding me out as one of the many sexually-desperate men out there.
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur,
3a. ”What are you looking for”
Honestly, 9 times out of 10 she’ll respond by saying “friends”, “friends but if it becomes more, that’s cool”, “a relationship”, “LTR”, etc.
There is no difference in these responses and they all mean the same thing. If she’s responded at all at this point, she’s intrigued: a woman’s third alpha prerequisite.
3b. “What kind of guys do you like”
She’ll usually go on and on about how she wants some “mythical unicorn” of a man; a guy who’s loving, caring, smart, funny, strong, tall, handsome, independent, blah blah fuckin’ blah. I never really read any of their responses to this question. It’s mainly to get her intrigued by your response.
My response for 3a and 3b is usually the same and you can tailor it how you see fit.
I always respond with either “I think I can handle that much” or “I think I can manage that much” , I wait for her response, then I follow it up with “Whats your number” (no punctuation) or if her profile doesn’t list it, with “Whats your name” (no punctuation), her response, then “Whats your number”.
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur
This response causes her to hamster that all her ideal-man characteristics might be found in you and that portraying them is no big deal to you. She’ll hamster you as her golden goose that she’ll have one opportunity to attract.
This’ll further her intrigue in you and if all has gone accordingly, she’ll give you her number.
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur,
NOTE: If she doesn’t respond to your number request, fuck it and move on. If multiple LSSWs are non-responsive at this point, check your SMV both in your pics and in your bio.
If she gives you some schpeel about how “It’s too early to give out her number” or “she doesn’t give out her number after the first conversation” or she wants to “talk more on here more first to get to know you” or any other possible excuse, she either sees you as a potential provider, as a lower SMV compared to her or as desperate/sexually-depraved (comes across by responding too quickly; scarce mentality). This cake is bad, move on and work on yourself more.
PART 2: TEXTING/CALLING
Unlike conversing on dating sites, texting is a bit trickier with someone you’ve never met, simply because this is usually when the real shit tests start. On top of that, ignoring, combating or brushing off these shit tests will usually lead to her cutting you off in an instant because remember: you don’t exist to her until you’re standing in front of her.
The goal of this section will be to establish your existence (and your frame) within her world by meeting in person, all-the-while avoiding those game-ending shit tests most people encounter at this stage.
1. Start off simple. My first message via text is usually “Name’s ___” with a picture of myself attached. I do this so that after I leave a conversation to “bake” for the rest of the day (described below), when she responds the next day, she’ll remember what I look like.
Otherwise, I might leave the conversation to bake, message her the next day and she’s completely forgot what I look like (I do the same thing all the time). Her perception of me has thus changed and I’d have to pack it up and move on.
Physical attraction is important. It was the main reason the LSSW responded to my first message on the dating site and it’ll be used to keep her intrigue across any span of time.
2. Give her a taste. This may sound odd, but start a conversation with the sole purpose of leaving her hanging mid-way through. For example, start talking about movies, ask what hers are, and when she responds drop the conversation for the day. After baking (again, described below), do not continue or acknowledge this conversation.
This’ll cause her to hamster, but the direction she hamsters isn’t really important. What’s important is that now you’ve become relevant to her.
3. Bake the cake. These is my pending messages since this morning.
I call this method “baking”. Baking is letting a message sit unanswered and unopened long enough to where a woman may feel like they’re being ignored.
Women both love and hate this (especially attractive ones) and it contrasts well against the many others who’ve received their number and then sporadically sent out texts every 10 minutes.
Sometimes, if you bake correctly, the LSSW will put in the leg work for you:
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur
This will establish you as unattainable, a woman’s fourth alpha prerequisite.
4. Like it never happened. After baking (again, described below), do not continue or acknowledge the conversation you were having previously. Simply tell her “Hey” or “Good morning” and move on to the next step.
This’ll cause her to hamster, but the direction she hamsters about you isn’t really what’s important. What’s important is that now you’ve become relevant to her though your unavailability.
5. You better call, Tyrone. Taking shit tests head-on through texting is counter-productive; the more of her dumb questions you answer, the more her perception of you (and perception is all you have at this point) will change from alpha to another validation resource.
To avoid all of this BS, your best bet is to make her bring you into her reality is by calling her.
To set this up, your next texts should both tell her when you plan to call and ask her if she’s available to talk around that time.
I take my lunch around 12:00-12:30, so I usually say something along the lines of “I want to call you this afternoon. You busy?” and 9 times out of 10 she’ll say that’s fine. Cater this around when you’re free to talk.
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur
If you’ve done everything correctly up until this point, you’ll notice she’ll seem very excited to talk to you. Maintain frame and if possible remain stoic. She’ll ask a few questions and might shit test a little, but by this point you’ve got it in the bag. Honestly, as soon as she’s picked up you’ve won.
By maintaining frame through this conversation, you’ve successfully maintained her perspective of you being alpha from beginning to end. Good job, let’s bring it home.
6. The home stretch. The small talk of this conversation is ultimately irrelevant. Tell her some cool things about yourself, let her tell you some cool things about herself. Then move along.
7. Set up a meet-and-greet. The purpose of this conversation for her is to establish that you do exist, had the balls to call her and might just be the man of her dreams.
The purpose of this conversation for you is to establish a place for you two to meet up.
Tell her you two should meet up and let her talk for a bit. If you’re a high enough perceived SMV, she’ll do the legwork for you:
She may set up the locale (“Have you ever been to ____? I heard it’s really cool.”), begin hinting at sex (“we seem to click, so we could meet up at my place for drinks”), revealing her true feelings (“When I first saw your profile I thought, ‘Why is he interested in a girl like *me? I’m nobody.”), etc. She’ll also typically plan a time or date very close to the time of the call (like that evening or tomorrow afternoon; not exactly sure why that is).*
Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur, Imgur
NOTE: Some are saying that calling is an unnecessary step but I'd have to disagree. Although calling may seem archiac, it usually provides the LSSW with the final prequisite they require before NSA hook-ups, safety. By hearing the sound of your voice, you become a reality and she's now verified that you're not a catfishing PUArtist beta with a knack for falsifying online social interactions.
8. Short and sweet. She's now within your frame. Keep any texts or responses to hers as short and succinct as possible.
9. Make her ass worry that you’re the one flaking. Whether you’ve decided to meet back at her place or at some coffee shop, once the date/time has been finalized and the address gained, don’t bring it up again and if possible, stop texting her until that date (unless she reaches out).
Do not double-check the time you’re meeting, check if she can make it, call her to say you’re there, etc. She’ll do that for you and you need to allow her to. It’ll further her investment in meeting you.
NOTE: I’ve noticed that reconfirming dates will increase an LSSW’s likelihood to flake, even after all this guide has explained. By not reconfirming and letting them reach out first, I’ve yet to see one LSSW flake.
Lesson Learned: Behavioural patterns of LSSWs can be controlled for the experimenter’s best possible outcome through a concise, repeatable cause-and-effect method developed through behavioural experimentation and approach modification.
For any further questions, I'm open to talking over Skype under Skype username OmLaLa. Please message me set up a meeting.